Friday, December 7, 2012

BSNYC Friday Friday Friday Fridayfridayfriday! (Special Friday Edition)

It's been less than a month since I've moved from Queens's hemorrhoid (or "Brooklyn" for all you out-of-towners), but as far as bicycle cycling goes I'm already getting sperled for cherce.  Sure, it's pretty easy to take a decent Fred ride (apart from the shame) from where I live now, and it's also pretty easy to take a decent mountain bicycle ride (apart from my propensity to fall down), but what if I want something that sort of splits the difference?  Like riding a bike with those curvy-type handling bars they use in the Tour de France, but on the dirt instead of on the ass-fault?  Well, it turns out that's pretty easy too.

First I roll out of my heated bike garage and right onto this unpaved trail:


By the way, if you're wondering what a real cockpit looks like, here's your answer:


(You can put your precious clean white bar tape right up your Rapha hole.)

I'll change that bar tape exactly when I run out of electrical tape with which to repair it.  Also note that this bicycle is equipped with a fully automatic transmission.  (At least I assume it's an automatic transmission because it changes gear whenever I get out of the saddle, though that could just be my knee hitting the shifter.)

Anyway, after a short while that trail turns into this:


And then I cut over to this:


And after some abandoned mattresses and a little broken glass things improve and start to look like this:



And then they look like this:


And then they look like this:


Best of all, it's pretty hard to get lost because there's this river thing right there that lets you know when you've gone off the trail by drowning you to death, assuming you don't get hit by a train first.  Oh, I also took a picture of my bike next to the trail because I'm a huge dorkus:


(What kind of dorkus takes a picture of his stupid bike and puts it on the Internet?)

If I could only have one bike it would be this slightly-too-small-for-me Surly with its handy S&S couplers, generous tire clearance, and impressive versatility.  However, I can have more than one bike, which is why I have three-quarters of a fuckload of them in my heated bike garage.  So there.  USA, baby!

Oh, I know what your'e saying.   You're saying, "You misplaced that last apostrophe!" You're also saying, "Big deal!  The riding's like a million times more 'epic' where I live."  Yeah, but where I live we actually have a real city, too.  It's not like Portland, which is just Forest Park with a slightly trendier Albany attached.  See, here I get to enjoy mediocre-plus riding in my backyard and all the inconvenience and expense of the largest city in Canada's Taiwanese Brooks knockoff saddle.  I could ride all day and then hop on the subway and enjoy some of the greatest restaurants and cultural institutions in the entire world, if only I could afford them.

So there.  Again.

Speaking of expense, the hydraulic disc road/cyclocross/whatever brake revolution is now upon us:


(Creabon sucklocross bike with hydrolic dick breaks.)

I'm not going to say I'd never use hydraulic disc brakes on a bicycle with those curved-type handling bars like they use in the Tour de France.  Sure, I couldn't care less about this kind of stuff, but at the same time chances are that one day in the distant future I'll need new stuff, and if that's the stuff they're making and it's been refined over many years then that's probably what I'd end up with.  However, I am going to say there's no freaking way I'd get near the stuff when the shifters still look like the Coneheads:


I'd also never go near a $335 cyclocross-specific cassette (or really a $335 cassette made for any purpose):


So what even makes a cassette cyclocross-specific?  Well, apparently it's the "large cutouts on the aluminum backplate," which I guess are supposed to ooze mud or something.  Big freaking deal.  You know what you're supposed to do when your bike won't shift during a cyclocross race?  Start running, you lazy slob!  There was a time when the whole point of cyclocross was that it was hard and inconvenient, and you just used the old crap from your road bike, and you had to be a resourceful rider to get yourself through a difficult situation.  And I'm not trying to pretend I'm some old-timer who was racing cyclocross decades ago, because I'm not--the time I'm talking about was only like two years ago.  You know, back when you couldn't really buy a crabon cyclocross bike, and if you said you wanted one people would think you were an idiot.  Since then though, there seems to have been some sort of marketing-driven douche-plosion, which I can only attribute to the synergistic effect that occurs when Freds and fixsters descend on something at the exact same time.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see Mormons On Bicycles.

Thanks for reading, ride safe, and always check your dick breaks before riding.


--Wildcat Rock Machine





1) This glove is called:








2) According to this guy, East London is the birthplace of:

--Fixed gear and singlespeed bikes
--Bespoke framebuilding
--The Beastie Boys
--Irreverent haberdashery







(Basketball is his favorite sport.  He likes the way they dribble up and down the court.)

3) Professional basketball players Dwyane Wade, Lebron James, and Mario Chalmers recently participated in:

--Critical Mass
--A cyclocross race
--A tweed ride
--An alleycat






4) Crabon is out.  ______ is in.

--Steel
--Stainless steel
--Titanium
--Copper





(Irritated driver karate-chops air in frustration, probably because the moron in front of her is yielding to a pedestrian in a crosswalk.)


5) The solution to all driver/cyclist misunderstandings is apparently:

--Helments
--Bike lanes
--Mandatory licensing for cyclists
--Loud honking






(Every time you press "send" on an email this guy gets to drink one less beer.)

6) There are currently three bike messenger documentaries in production for every one actual working bike messenger:

--True
--False







7) Clipless pedals improve power transfer.

--True
--False



***Special No Bonus Question-Themed No Bonus Question***

Instead, this:



I don't think I would enjoy doing something if I felt I had to be prepared to kill another human being at all times while I was doing it.

198 comments:

Anonymous said...

haa!

Anonymous said...

First?

babble on said...

YAAAY!

Anonymous Coward said...

MISSDPOD

Anonymous said...

Damn!

3G said...

Top 10 SPONDEEEEEEEE

Serial Retrogrouch said...

howdy.. happy friday

Anonymous said...

Bubba boey

Kenny Banya said...

Top ten Kenny

McFly said...

How long have retarded raccoons been wrapping your bars?

bikevcar said...

top 10

bikevcar said...

white jersey for best newcomer

Comment deleted said...

Oh good. A sniffling tweaker has figured out concealed carry for the bicycle. Good luck "capping" that mountain lion, dbag.

Yarpo said...

Top Twenty-st-th!

Should'na poured coffee first. Dammutt!

JB said...

You are lousy with rides. Congrats. Thanks for the sprocket porn as well.

McFly said...

That reminds me. I rode with some guys Tuesday and the LAST time we rode before that I kick their asses on my old Raleigh in a CX(they were $2000 crabon) and Tuesday when we got done and were bullshitting they talked about how I kicked their asses and I was like, "Ohhhhhhhhhhh stop it you".

Anonymous said...

Friday alnerdy? Clip out,,

Anonymous Coward said...

More head spacers or IMAFUCKINGKILLYA

babble on said...

You're on your game today, Snobbykins.... fully automatic transmission? BWAAAHAHAHA.

And three quarters of a fuckload of us here in the commenteratti are exactly the kinds of dorkuses who take photos of our ridiculous numbers of bikes and post them on the intertubes in a douche-plosion of crabon saturated pixel...

Just in case you really wanted to know.

Comment deleted said...

I promise not to bring up anal electrocution today.

wishiwasmerckx said...

A Kurtis Blow shout-out from the city of 8 million stories. These are the breaks. Back to Christmas rappin'.

The early 80's thank you.

Anonymous said...

Snob, how could you miss this important detail on the bike car horn thing?

"snaps on to either handlebar and honking does not interfere with braking."

Maybe it's only meant to be used on double-cockpit bikes like Sheldon's?

http://sheldonbrown.com/org/thorn/images/thorn.jpg

ken e. said...

"...break down!"

zoomer said...

Top...something.
You've got almost as many bikecycles as 3/4 of a fuckload of us.

Oh, and legal WeedPanties

Anonymous said...

crazy guy...

"nothing's going to happen, so this is just all for fun".

I think I had that guy as a roommate for a couple of hours...

crosspalms said...

Try Trek's new Travis Bickle Bikes and discover why concealed carry is the new "on your left."

J said...

Guess I'm the only one with just one bike :(...well two put the first folder was mauled by a karate chopping motorist.

Anonymous said...

it's Friday beeatches
WEED

Anonymous said...

you moved to fucking Riverdale?!?!?

You are getting old...

Adhesive Patch Kit said...

INVITE US TO YOUR NEXT BLOWOUT!

Ridgeway's Funeral Home said...

Drive carefully. We will wait...

Podiatrist said...

TIME WOUNDS ALL HEELS

Optomitrist said...

If you don't see what you are looking for you came to the right place.

bikevcar said...

That Mormons on Bikecycles tune is massive, but them Morons on Bicycles courier film is embarrassing.

leroy said...

Almost aced the quiz.

Ride safe all!

Marcel Da Chump said...

Consume mass quantities.

Anonymous said...

More neck-knife please, We're American.

Aint ridding copper said...

That copper bike (the answer to number 4.)
$6000, and the seat/seatpost clamp is backwards. (and how long before the
squeaky chain gets really annoying...)

babble on said...

Sigh.. there's no hope for me. I'll never be an enlightened cyclist. I've seen the light and I don't like it.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Bike Snob, not too long ago I was following a "Fred" who was riding in the street. Problem was that this street has a humongous bike lane, a protected side walk (in Idaho it is legal to ride on sidewalks in some cases) and a separate bike path that follows the river. I have it from a good source that in cycling heaven Holland, if a bike lane or path is available, a cyclist must leave the street and use it. A law such as this could go a long way to reducing motorist/bicyclist misunderstandings.

CommieCanuck said...

Then one dark night in Grin-itch
(I had to do an errand there
And fetch some Grin-itch spinach)......

Well, I had fetched the spinach.
I was starting back through town
When those pants raced around a corner
And they almost knocked me down?

I lost my Grin-itch spinach
But I didn't even care.
I ran for home! Believe me,
I had really had a scare!

Now, bicycles were never made
For pale green pants to ride 'em,
Especially spooky pale green pants
With nobody inside 'em!


(now with Cipollini vaginal targeting retical)

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Yeah nice trail pics you big dork! You've got some shadow following you around though.

Jake LaMotta said...

Riverdale...BronxSnobNYC

McFly said...

How long you think it will be before you nail that concrete pylon in the first dirt section?

BOOOOSSSSHHHHH!!

Anonymous said...

so is the folding bike so you can take metro north into manhattan?

Anonymous said...

I only ride one of my 6 bikes at a time, so it's not really being greedy, is it?

Comment deleted said...

Thank Lob that giant blue raindrop missed you, Babs.

CommieCanuck said...

Those karate chops are ok, they are like the 70s detective hero karate chops that only render you unconscious for a few minutes. Quite refreshing, actually.

This device was frequently used in 70s TV action shows where the Vulcan nerve pinch made no fucking sense.

Sincerely,

JMLGMS

(John McAfee's lone gunman mug shot)

DerZoots said...

Nothings gonna happen cause (sniff) this is all for fun.(cringe) ha ha?

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is it wrong I want to shoot him now?
Time to purchase a side arm.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:26pm,

More just a lifestyle accessory to announce to the world I've finally relinquished the remainder of my dignity.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Comment deleted said...

More Liquigas vag-reticle porn, Commie, or imafuckingtakeanap.

The King of Park Slope said...

Bow ding dong ding to you too, good sir.

babble on said...

If that were REALLY true, Wildcat, you'd be riding a Strida by now.

Perry said...

Re: real cockpit photo. You suck at wrapping bar tape even more than I do. I didn't think that was possible.

I do agree, however, that all white bar tape should be stuffed in as many Rapha holes as it takes until there is none left in the world.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Perry,

I suck at riding, but I wrap bar tape pretty well. In this case I wrapped it perfectly, then proceeded to pack and unpack the bike many times in its travel case, very hastily and with no padding. So the spokes chew into the bar tape, then I cover it with electrical tape, repeat ad nauseam, etc. and so forth.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Buffalo Bill said...

'It's just all for fun.'

Unless someone tries to mug him or he has to cap a mountain lion or something.

idiot.

Dooth said...

Asskerchiefs (for anal mucus) make great stocking stuffers!

Cipo said...

As John Lennon put it so well ...

Ah! böwakawa poussé, poussé
Ah! böwakawa poussé, poussé
Ah! böwakawa poussé, poussé

Anonymous said...

snobby,

You aren't old enough to have learned proper bar-end shifter assembly.

If you are using bar-end shifters, then trim ~ 1 cm off the end of the bar to compensate for the shifter plug assembly. Otherwise, the shifters hang out quite a bit as you have discovered.

For shame! You have failed bike geekery section 103be!

Panhandling on top of some building isn't working out, eh? Back to turning tricks in Times square I guess???

Martian Anus said...

****ATTENTION****

The used spondeemeter that I have up for sale prints out measurements in moronic pentameter and imbecilic pentameter.

Anonymous said...

@ B. Bill

Some guy tried to mug me and I capped him. Or maybe he wanted directions...it doesn't matter. All that counts is I am glad I finally got a chance to "stand my ground" and kill someone.

I've been waiting a long time for the opportunity.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:59pm,

But then I'd have less handlebar and I don't want to have less handlebar.

If only someone would invent a shifter that was integrated into the brake levers somehow...

--Wildcat Rock Machine

McFly said...

You need some Brooks leather bartape for that elegant steed. It's only like $289.99. Maybe Eric could filet you off a couple slices under the table. Then kick you in the nuts.

BikeSnobNYC said...

McFly,

I was thinking I'd ask him to make me some leather spoke sheaths instead.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

McFly said...

Then kick you in the nuts.

Dooth said...

Kurtis Blow?! In the Bronx a few weeks and already you're BikeHomeyNYC.

82medici said...

I saw John Howard riding one of these (http://www.classicrendezvous.com/USA/Graftek.htm) fine crabon machine in a 'cross race back in the early '80s. I understand they worked great until the super-glue (really) they were held together with began to fail.

Anonymous said...

I like it when Snob is in the comments section, more funny.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

-"I've finally relinquished the remainder of my dignity."

-Plenty of scenic un-congested bike trails right out your front door.

You know what this means? Recumbent shopping time! Never thought I'd see the day Hallelujah!

Long Ago said...

Glad you're riding Snob, good on ya. Everyone ride safe!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Recumbent Conspiracy Theorist,

I actually have a recumbent already, it's a four-wheeler with a gasoline assist. Three rear-view mirrors too to ratchet up the dork factor.

I don't wear a helment on it though.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

Leather

P. Bateman said...

i'm kind of happy about the concealed carry. nothing scarier than riding while hot and blonde and looking to score some blow than riding hot, blonde and tweaking without a gun.

You know, here in the dirty south they have guns at the checkout lines and even as parting gifts from the hospital when you're born -- and i kind of like it that way.

peace out crackers.

good spondeedooda today snoberlingeringo.

Anonymous said...

So what, it's raining! Get out there and ride...leave the comments to us amateurs...you're sandbagging us here.

Anonymous said...

With all the crashing and falling down, snob should get a pair of the "handling gloves" that come with the copper bike, might give you MacAskill-like skills.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Bike Snob, I just finished reading your first book. Great statement in epilog "Cyclings not for everyone, but at the same time there are a lot of people who don't realize that cycling is for them." I think they realize it, the memories are just repressed. Thanks for a great book. Right on, write on, ride on!

Annie Angello said...

By my count, you have:

- Surly Traveler's Check
- Surly Big Dummy
- The Scattante
- The Ritte roadbike
- Single speed rigid mountain bike
- Geared mountain bike

For someone who doesn't wear pants with 17 children, you are apparently in a way better tax bracket than my broke ass. Have I missed anything?

leroy said...

That ain't working, that's the way you do it. Money for nothing and bespoke spoke sheaths for free.



leroy said...

P. Bateman:

The Chatham County Clerk's office used to have a handmade, stencilled sign outside one of its offices noting that was where to go for "Marriage Licenses and Pistol Permits."

Nothing about a dog license though.



Anonymous said...

DONG DING

Anonymous said...

No unself-respecting, undignified bike snob could do without a fleet at his/her disposal.

Plastic Fred'douche' Band said...

'pleather'

babble on said...

Hot P Bateman - apparently you can also get them for free with the purchase of an engagement ring down there in Canada's spondranus, too...

BikeSnobNYC said...

Annie Angello,

You have, yes, but up here in this tax bracket we consider it gauche to count.

--Wildcat Rock Machine III
(of the Park Avenue Rock Machines)

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Heck with that copper clad piece of crap.

I don't know what kind of 4 wheeled recumbent you're piloting now Wildcat but I just found the perfect laid-back wheels for you my freind:

Wrought-Iron 4-Wheel Recumbent

babble on said...

Which is great, cause then you can go and get your marriage license and your gun permit at the next stop and before you know it, you're legally married.

P. Bateman said...

that deal only applies if you are in your third trimester on the wedding date.

ahhh...reminds me of my first sexual encounter. When we were done i wanted to smoke so i bellowed - Get off me daddy yer squishin' my ceegerettes.

A Park Avenue Rock Machine said...

Aspen for the Holidays, or the Tropics?
A Dickens of a time deciding which bike Vosper should pack.

douchecouver said...

Nice bar tape Snob. But that's okay, some company will step up to the plate, take pity on you and send you free bar tape for Hanukkah as a cost effective form of advertising to your eight readers. Personally, it's inspired me to grab a roll of electrical tape when I get home - I'm good thru 2013 now. Woo-hoo! (not the 46mph kind)

Oh, and the riding here IS a million times more epic: North Shore Baby! Mind you, I'm too much of a "woosie" to ride it, but it's there if I wanted to.

babble on said...

I wasn't going to rub it in...

babble on said...

PB- nice. And how was that for you?

wishiwasmerckx said...

When I trained on the rollers in my garage this morning, I did not wear a helmet!

Where's a copper when you need one? said...

Where I live, the only thing they like stealing more than bikes is copper. Might make for good entertainment, watching the copper thief kick the snot out of the bike thief for the $150 scrap value on a $6k bike.

McFly said...

Babble,
WTF is that you are standing by? The Big Blue Drop of Semen Memorial Statue?

babble on said...

THAT is a very good question, and an even better guess. The man said "Stand over there," and so I did.

That's all I know.

Flyover commuter said...

I'ts good to see that you are broadening your horizons, if you count New Jersey as a broadened horizon.

Anyway, it looks like you have the trails mostly to yourself, and that's got to be great considering the population density where you live.

Out west, we have lots of room to ride AND exciting trail hazards like coyotes, porcupines, skunks, raccoons, an occasional mountain lion or bear, and cactus.

If you fall it's best not to dawdle, lest the fauna mistake you for road kill, which is the same as fast food for them, except they don't have to chase you down.

I imagine it's the same for you with some of the varmints commonly sighted in NYC buroughs.

Have fun.

Dennis said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
babble on said...

It's generally safest to assume you're invisible...

Warden Louis Marshall said...

Hudson River can just be seen on the left in one of the pictures. That mean BS lives on the east bank, probably near, or in, Sing-Sing.

Flyover Bike Commuter said...

Unless he was heading south on the west bank of the Hudson, then the river would still be on the left.

Anyway, Snob was cruising NJ roads earlier in the week, and that's a broader horizon than Lon-Guy-Land.

Flyover Bike Commuter said...

I stand corrected. He was heading north because the sun was at his back, this time of year.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes concealed carry makes for more polite people, on and off the road.

Comment deleted said...

I think the right to carry concealed hand grenades would make people even more polite.

Peter said...

years ago at a bike festival, while 'lounging' in a large hot tub with a dozen friends, I was stunned to realize seven of them were always armed while riding. Scared the shit out of me. They (almost) all seemed sane.

Anonymous said...

Not much point if it's concealed maximum politeness if its just hanging out there

Also in Dekalb county GA the marriage licence line is next to the gun licence line in the court house.

Comment deleted said...

Hell, RPGs would keep drivers in line. My mind boggles at all the politeness we're missing out on.

Frilly said...

McFly--I was thinking the same thing about the pylon. We are bad people.

Snobbie, you best not be sippin' on gin and juice whilst piloting your recumbent.

bikesgonewild said...

...ohhh, damn, it's a quiz...

...looking for semi-polite canadian woman willing to indulge my need for help on this quiz...require you to dress as an old school (literally) school marm whilst giving instruction...

...long gingham dress, olive oyl boots, opaque roll top stockings, hair in a bun, heavy glasses, ability to wield a 12" ruler for knuckle cracking purposes...

...i'm willing to pay overtime for after class detention 'privileges'...

...contact me @ bgw headquarters...

Rollie Fingers said...

Word up(*) I see the OCA (Old Croton Aqueduct) trail marking. Thanks Google!

Thanks for mentioning Portland like, every day Snob. Things were starting to get a little flaccid out here in Seattle's clitted shoes without regular oral service from the New York Times. But you're totally taking up the slack!



(*) in the Cameo sense

McFly said...

Gotcha. Like I said, easy to control and soft rear ends.

Yeah Frilly I would stare at it with patented Visual Radar Lock Technology then nail the shit out of it.

Frilly said...

No doubt McFly, as would I! Or, ahem, as I *may* have already done.

And bgw, have you been a bad boy? Do tell. I'm in the mood for some (vicarious) naughtiness.

Anonymous said...

"KEEP PORTLAND SMUG"


Mention them everyday.

I wonder if all those Portland wankers are smug because they are self-satisfied, if you know what I mean.

bikesgonewild said...

...frilly...i like to think of my general behavior as exemplary...

..only the 'opinions' of others would clasify it as 'naughtiness'...

...& we all know what opinions are like...

McFly said...

My patented Visual Radar Lock Technology works on concrete pylons AAAAAAAAAAND soft rear ends.

Comment deleted said...

I'm guessing it would work pretty well on Liquigas shorts, too.

Whip that Chain said...

You know what I'd pay for? A frigging cassette that didn't wear out every two chains. Another thing, I'd pay money for a chain that didn't wear out every two months. What complete crap. Stupid stupid stupid frigging pure BS crap.

Frilly said...

I'm going out dancing tonight McFly so the BUMP will be in full shimmy, shake, and grind mode. You better fire up the Visual Radar Lock Technology if you want a piece of that action.

Maybe that naughtiness won't be so vicarious after all.

Anonymous said...

old croton acquaduct trail is correct, looks like he was on the south end which starts near van cordtland park in the bronx. I still think he moved to inwood though. i thought i had a wildcat sighting on the 1 train this week which would mean inwood or could be near van cortland park.

vantage said...

does your VRLT have collision avoidance built in, or is that another app that has to be purchased separately ?

Flammer said...

That faux rural track looks like a degenerate haven. Lolling along, communing with nature whilst those debased by the delusions of living in a human ant colony flagellate their foreparts. What a wonderful human experiment; stuff millions into constriction and listen to them extol their sophistication.

Are we then surprised that a sniffing knob end demonstrates his readiness for war? Guess what free access to gun creates?

As dread steadily wins the battle for hearts and minds, tribes drift off into the idiocy of Genghis Khan gloves and fixed gears, retro fashion and boy beards, neck knives and hero fears. Dopey cunts.

Perrico Delgado said...

Yonkers!

Skiptooth Lotus Eater said...

Nice pictures. I remember riding trails like that on my Big Wheel. Crazy handbrake skids too!

ken e. said...

existential angst on a friday afternoon, really? i'll take the dance party w/ frilly and mcfly for 100 alex!

GET! DWN!

Anonymous said...

Get that Ritte on the Grand Concourse at sunrise...you'll wet your chamois.

Kool DJ Herse said...

Ride Pelham Parkway to City Island. On the way back take Shore Road into Westchester County, then head west into Yonkers, and close to home.

Pistil Pete said...

Concealed carry is no good for politeness.Open carry is where it's at.They can't seem to see an adult on a bike but yet a 1911 on a hip is as bright as day...

McFly said...

vantage,
I am afraid not. Thats the design flaw of VRLT. I had it happen on an angled root on a lil off-camber Tuesday.

I stare at that root...I nail that root.

I stare at Frilly's bump...I nail that bump.

You go where you look, try it in the car.

SIGmuNd FriEd said...

Snob. I could not help but notice the extreme length and girth of your stem. The dimensions are of 'Cipotonic' proportion. Quite a well endowed cockpit there ...

It has been my clinical/mathematical experience that cockpit size/girth is inversely proportional to cockpitee's actual penis size/girth.

sigMUnD FRiEd said...

Snob ...

we're talking pencil dick here aren't we?

Poppa Wheelie said...

Pedro,
It's pronounced
(with much enthusiasm)
YONNKUZZZ!

Poppa Wheelie said...

Perrico.

Sorry.

Travis Bickle said...

As far as concealed carry goes ...

I'm just sitting here practicing my quick draw moves.

So b on yur toes mo-fo.

leroy said...

First Bonehead: "I had to shoot my dog the other day."

Second Bonehead: "Was he mad"?

First Bonehead: "Well, he didn't seem too pleased."

My dog hates that joke.

Probably why I remembered it.

Note to Mr. Bickle -- If you see my dog, don't ask him if he's looking at you.

SaddleSore said...

Lanterne rouge

Travis Bickle said...

You talking to me!?

McFly said...

Frilly,
Is your rump still girating and quivering from all that dance flo' bump and grind?

I don't see nuttin' wrong,

With a lil' bump-n-grind....

africansingle said...

I arrived a little late to the party, but....that like sniff like sniff concealed carry wanker needs to pop a cap up his own arse. Like soon, sniff.

Anonymous said...

The river is the Blue Nile and he is in Sudan. The sun is directly overhead, and what appears to be his shadow are in actuality some of the many Snob-shaped smudges and holes for which that turbulent land is so renowned.

So he should definitely go with the Brompton for the dhow-trip into Khartoum; Gordon had a Strida and look what happened to him.

Anonymous said...

I've seen Mormons on Bikes play, at Mic's house in Davis, CA. They wore bike helmets, shorts, ties, the whole thing.

Anonymous said...

That copper bike + 2 weeks of the elements = GREENBIKE

@Leroy - that joke sounds like a Bert & I bit

-Anon Coward

bikesgonewild said...

...well, well...once again it's our precocious '...flamming ray of fucking sunshine...' here with another weak barbed diatribe...

...sorry, dude/dudette but this is the rant of a semiliterate 15 year old on a myopic pilgrimage of epic discovery...

..."...ooowww...me life aren't as pretty as mum said it would be n' every bit as ugly as da told me...i'm off to tell the world the sky is falling 'cuz obviously nobody sees nought but me..."...

...don't be a daft cunt, mate...

...grasp it, make it as good as you can & share the bit you've polished, ya ???......

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ce said...

Ewww, I'm sharing some sentiment with bgw.

ce said...

Albeit with an exception... Please everyone, when you grasp it and polish it, just keep that to yourself.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Anon Coward --

Well that explains my dog's frequent admonition when we're riding to "Steer to the curb Effie, steer to the curb." I couldn't figure out why he was using a down East accent.

Dear Mr. Bickle --

If my dog is talking to you, just remember you can't believe half the stuff he says.

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Anonymous said...

U mad, bro?

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bikesgonewild said...

...touche', ce, touche'...

...i had forgotten how euphemistically we all speak at times & you'll note that 'euphe' was typed in the mists of early dawn (5:00am) as i came home from work...

...but the sentiment is there, ya ???...

...search for the good, make it better & share...

uscpeter said...

Copper bike is listed as 56" now thats a big freaking bike. You can tell they are real pros.

McFly said...

Talk about Pro. I did some pretty fast rooty downhill stuff last Tue and leaned the bike up in the shop when I got back.

Business as usual.

I went to move it out of the way earlier and the brake pads were pretty much the only thing holding the rear wheel on.

Better than the front I guess.

IT'S ALL GOOD LIKE MORNING WOOD!

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yankees suck said...

Happy cchhhhhhhh (cough cough) Chanukah!

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Anonymous said...

Haha, I do have a heated bike garage (with a disco ball and love sac).

And internet, it's toasty in here...

Anonymous said...

Tilford opened up his suitcase of courage and got second place at the Kansas State Cross Championships

babble on said...

Don't you carry your love sac with you wherever you go?

vantage said...

So I perused a certain somebody's profile and found this gem: "...I also like riding my bike. And working on it."

Clearly, by what was recently submitted, the former is true, and the latter is not.

Sometimes, a NEW bike is the only way to fix an old bike.

McFly said...

Yeah the rims are off a NEXT my pa handed down to me that I scavenged to bring the Trek back to.....................life.(The races/bearings in the stock originals were eat up)

The first Wal-Mart parts to take a dump on FrankenBike were the Sram Twist-Shifts.

That rim had NUTS INSTEAD OF QUICK RELEASES due to a proprietary cassette set up.

New WTB HD's are at mama-n-laws wrapped up and ready. Best Christmas ever.

I said I liked workin' on them...I did not say I was good at it.

McFly said...

Having nuts on a ride could be an advantage.

Never know when you may run into Babble in the woods.

Nuts, love sac, whatev....its all about the reverse reach-around.

McFly said...

I can at least validate myself when I get into a debate with some Tennessee Redneck(tm) that wants to lose some weight and inevitably hits me up for advice and starts out with "I WILL JUST GET ME A WAL-MART BIKE, I DON'T NEED ANY OF THAT EXPENSIVE FANCY STUFF YOUR TALKIN' 'BOUT."

This way I have hands on component failure data/stories.

vantage said...

Never know when you may run into Babble in the woods.

Or a certain blogulating hirsute wood nymph.

Or Leroy's dog.

Be careful out there.

Jackie Moon said...

EVERYBODY PANIC!!! IT'S JUST LIKE TITANIC BUT WITH BEARS!!!

Jackie Moon said...

EVERYBODY PANIC!!! IT'S JUST LIKE TITANIC BUT WITH BEARS!!!

bikesgonewild said...

...love snack ???...i could use a 'love snack' about now...

...a full on, holiday 'love meal' with stuffing & dressing might cut into my activities a bit much but, ya, a 'love snack' sounds great...

bikesgonewild said...

...ooops, sorry...i guess it pays to pay attention...

...'love sac' - got it...

...but now i'm hungry...

babble on said...

There WERE a lot of dogs around...

bikesgonewild said...

..."...chestnuts roasting on an open fire,
jack frost nipping at your nose,
..."

...& wild dogs nipping at your heels ???...

babble on said...

They all looked pretty domestic, but I've heard Leroy's dog gets pretty wild when there's a toilet-bowl full of margaritas to be had...

bikesgonewild said...

...i guess if one over-does it whilst drinking margaritas out of a toiletbowl, the situation is easily rectified...if one doesn't mind spoiling the party...

...just sayin'...

babble on said...

mmm a love meal with stuffing and dressing...

sigh

:)

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Don't worry babble the holidays are just getting started.

bikesgonewild said...

...when the time is right, it's good to have sufficiencies suffonsified with life's tasty treats...

...yum...

McFly said...

Don't forget the Giblet Gravy.

Suffonsified. I learned a new word.

I can't use them 'round these here parts. I would get punched in the esophagus.

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..."...Just invest and Rest. Earn Money without any work..."...

...leroy...your dog's name isn't ahmed ali is it...i think he's working a scheme...

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Silly spammers don't realize that the curator of this fine blog is already making vast fortunes from home and in his underpants.

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leroy said...

BGW -- My dog asked me to tell you:

"That ain't working, that's the way you do it, money for nothing, ask Ahmed Ali."

I have no idea what he's talking about.

As usual.

Red Sox Stench said...

Mazel Tov!

Red Sox Stench said...

Mazel Tov!

boys on the hoods said...

Money for nothing, and your chicks for free!!

riding in the broom wagon.

Anonymous said...

I was confined to a psychiatric facility? No, that was someone else.

Billy said...

HARD QUIZ

I bombed almost every question, except the one about couriers.

Car horns are old news. I one-up the cars with a train horn on my bike.

Concealed-carry guy with his night-vision camera and sniffles seems like a real winner. I hope he rides in a red state, far away from me.

Anonymous said...

I had a falling-out with an Grammar School friend that lead to a feud but eventually we shook hands and stoppped the feud. However, we never did socialise after that.

Anonymous said...

I had a falling-out with a grammar school friend that lead to a feud. We ended the feud with a handshake but never did resume socalizing.

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