Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Wednesday Comes But 52 Times A Year

Emails!  Yeah, I get them.  This is a cutting-edge blogging operation I'm running here.  I fire up the AOL, my modem makes a crazy screeching sound, and in pour the electronical missives.  Every day it still seems like a miracle to me, as though God Himself is making pee-pee right into my computer.  Then I forget that there is no god, only Lob, and I flagellate myself for my impudence.

Anyway, here's a subject line that topped an email I recently received:

The Budnitz got angry and Hulkified?

And here's the picture that came along with it:


Yes, that what happen when Budnitz get angry.  In fact, it looks like The Budnitz has burst out of its fenders like the Hulk bursts out of his shirts--that is, if the Budnitz had had any fenders in the first place, which it didn't.  Either that, or it could just be The Budnitz on HGH.  Regardless, having expunged the The Budnitz and its infernal ticking from my life, I feel a sense of relief, like when you extract a deeply-lodged booger, the kind that feels as though it's rooted somewhere on your frontal cortex.

Also via "God's pee stream" comes this short video via a reader with the improbable and likely fictitious name of "Paul Bowen:"


Jauregui from Jacky Durand on Vimeo.

Mon dieu!  (Or lack thereof.)  I had to watch that about four times before I could finally see the sleight-of-bike, and it puts yesterday's failed triathlon transition into stark perspective.

Speaking of perspective, a number of people have informed me that some baseball guy has had a boneheaded bicycle crash and managed to fall down the only hill in Manhattan south of 110th Street:


Fortunately, in lieu of using his brain, he had encased it in a piece of styrofoam:

“I shouldn’t have been reading a text while I was riding,” he said. “That’s the wrong thing to do. But at least I was wearing my helmet.”

"I shouldn't have been pleasuring myself while driving," said the man who drove through a sidewalk café as he reached climax.  "That's the wrong thing to do.  But at least I was wearing my seatbelt."  Evidently wearing a helment has finally become a license to completely fuck up everything you do on a bike.  I wonder if we'd see better bike-handling if helments were banned from triathlon.

Moving on, recently I was browsing Twitter (if email is God's pee stream then Twitter is His post-urinary drip) where I saw that the Giro d'Italia was having a little caption contest:


The New Yorker reader in me wants to go with "I now pronounce you husband and husband, you may kiss the Cav," but the perennial child in me keeps shouting "I'm gonna fingerbang you like a stage win."

You can probably guess which one won.


Meanwhile, in Portland, an anti-fascist group is organizing a boycott against a local bike co-op:


Because they claim the founder is a racist, and in particular that he hosted a talk given by a "white separatist:"

The 2009 dust-up revolved around Calvert's hosting of a controversial white separatist Valdas Anelauskas at a local bookstore. Calvert ultimately apologized for hosting Anelauskas and distanced himself from the Lithuanian-born activists extreme views about race and other topics. The issue died out, but it has now come roaring back. RCA points to a recent picnic organized by Calvert that included a guest the group calls, "an individual deeply connected to antisemitic, white nationalist, and militant anti-choice organizing."

I was quite ready to dismiss this as typical Portland hysteria, like maybe they overheard Calvert trying to do a Katt Williams routine for his co-workers and took it out of context.  So I went to the organization's site to learn more:

Anti-racists first raised the issue of Calvert’s antisemitic organizing in 2009, after Calvert and his cohorts in the Portland 9/11 Truth Alliance hosted a speech by Valdas Anelauskas, a racist organizer who proclaims that evidence for the Holocaust is “shaky.” Citybikes mishandled its response during 2009, making excuses for Calvert and declaring that no problem existed after Calvert issued a bogus apology, even though Calvert’s organizing against Jewish people continued unabated. In September of this year, anti-racists again drew attention to Calvert’s antisemitic organizing. In particular, we noted that Calvert twice gained venues for Fritz Springmeier, an antisemitic author convicted of bank robbery charges alongside a white supremacist accomplice. (Springmeier’s 1997 robbery plot also involved detonating a bomb at an adult video store as a diversion.) Footage of the Citybikes President giving an extreme antisemitic speech was also pointed to at this time, and Rose City Antifascists provided an extensive chronology of organizing by Calvert and his Portland 9/11 Truth Alliance organization. 

And then I looked up this Valdas Anelauskas guy, and wouldn't you know it, he does actually sound like a boner-fried racist and Jew-hater.  For example, here's his take on the history of the Holocaust, which he says is "shaky:"

Holocaust critics persecuted

In his rather hysterical June 20 letter, Bob Bussel decries any questioning of Holocaust history as a “profound act of intellectual fraud and moral bankruptcy,” a “loathsome and repugnant monstrosity.” 

British writer George Orwell said that “who controls the past, controls the future,” and our perception of past events alsoshapes the way we look at the world around us today. The Zionists understand this, and know that the story of the Holocaust is crucial to their power. 

This is why such harsh measures are being exacted against those who ask too many questions. The Holocaust history seems so shaky that governments have to actually imprison people who openly question it. 

Today, it’s becoming more like the new state religion and, as in the Inquisition, people are being locked up again for questioning even the smallest detail of dogma — no matter what the evidence, no matter what the conflicting testimony or history. Anyone who breaches this faith will be deemed a “Holocaust denier,” and punished accordingly. 

Therefore, as I see it, the “standard” version of the Holocaust history simply cannot be trusted as long as they’re jailing or otherwise punishing those who question it. To make jail sentences be your response to critics is exactly the same as getting up on a rooftop and shouting as loud as you can for all to hear: “I am lying!” Is anyone supposed to believe someone who, in effect, proclaims in this way that he’s lying? 
VALDAS ANELAUSKAS - July 5, 2008

Pretty creepy.  Oddly though, Portlanders, who would probably boycott a café for serving milk from a cow that wasn't milked orally, seem mostly to be shrugging this one off--at least that's the way it seems in the comments on the BikePortand article.  Alas, this is the one time their batshit hypersensitivity might actually be warranted, but instead they're just arguing about the correct definition of "fascist."  Not that the shop should be driven out of business or anything, and I'm sure everybody there is wonderful (with the possible exception of the guy who organizes racist talks in his spare time) but Portlanders could at least write some more of their trademark outraged BikePortland commentary, or maybe organize a "The Day the Clown Cried" theme ride:


(Oy.)

That seems appropriately tone-deaf for Portland.




The quest to reinvent the bicycle crank is nearly as popular and quixotic as the quest to reinvent the bicycle wheel, and in this case the green pie is supposed to show you why the Z-Torque is better:


In other words, it compensates for the fact that you're riding a department store mountain bike.  Still not convinced?  Here's a race between a bike with a regular crank and one with a Z-Torque crank:


This proves conclusively that the Z-Torque produces the same effect of selecting a different gear.

Or, if you've got lots of money to invest but you're more the "patron of the arts" type, why not fund a documentary about LSD?



Here's the pitch:

THE PITCH

The story of Dr. Albert Hofmann is an interesting one -- an unassuming Swiss botanist, who very purposefully created LSD, then very accidentally spilled it on his hands, and evidently wound up being the first to learn of it's psychoactive effects. BICYCLE DAY is a fictionalized retelling of Dr. Hofmann's story and famous LSD-induced bicycle ride, combining live action sequences with digital and hand drawn animations from animators all over the country. It's a home-grown, nation-spanning, locally-produced, mind-bending, eye-opening, trippy-good time of a film and we want each and every one of you to be a part of it with us.

Or you could just watch this:


Turn on, tune in, be nonplussed.

Lastly, by way of turning my attention back to the Biennial Whatever-It's-Called-Cockpit Contest (sponsored by Knog, Australia's largest and most powerful mega-corporation), I'd like to share one I spotted recently:


Which is clearly evil:


Or good, since I guess it's not upside down.  I'm a little hazy on my adolescent satanic imagery.

Then, there's this collagen bar tape, submitted by a reader::


As well as this submission, which is isn't really a cockpit at all:


(Uh, wrong end.)

And finally this one, which I frankly found very refreshing:


Garmin, schmarmin.

114 comments:

Anonymous said...

YEAAA

Anonymous said...

YEAAA Again!!!

Anonymous said...

YEAAA Again!!!

Anonymous said...

Wake up!! Yeaaa!!!

Ed said...

Top Ten

Anonymous said...

Too easy. Yeaaaaaa

theEel said...

weed.

Anonymous said...

5 different anaons. wow.

Spokey said...

'bout time I woke up enough to at least top teen

Buffalo Bill said...

I got nothin'

Kenny said...

IT'S "activist's" NOT activists DUMMIES!

Sigmund Fried said...

Siggy here,

The results are in!

Does Mary Jane cause brain damage?

Well, apparently ...

uh ...

I'll get back to you.

Captain Hardbread said...

torque

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Nice booger analogy.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

yawzzzziieee

le Correcteur said...

Man, if I just hadn't read, I'd have podiumed! When I got to the end, it read "no comments" but when I clicked it was up to 13!

I need more discipline; but your scintillating words enchanted me from my heroic quest to win a podium spot! Damn you, WRM!

Anonymous said...

...but I come every day!

Anonymous said...

whoa

Anonymous said...

yeah

Jimboner said...

“Hey, if he can play with that, I can certainly manage with this,” said the masturbating monkey.

Anonymous said...

20?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

That's a cutie in the white dress behind the big yellow truck.

McFly said...

If you would have told me I was going to mouth the words "extract a deep-rooted booger" when I got up this morning I would have told you were crazy. And gross. And funny as hell.

CommieCanuck said...

I don't have the heart to tell the Z-torque guy that the distance between the bottom bracket and the pedal is the same, despite the strange detour.

That video was very scientifical proof, however.

babble on said...

mmm... Weednesday... hump day...weed day, weed and humping, humping and weed... humping on weed...

Wait. I'm confused. What's with all the pee in here? Is Wednesday suddenly water-sports day?

Every day above ground is a good day. Have LOTS of sex, wet or otherwise, and suddenly it's a great day!

Armand said...

Caption Entry

Cavendish: It's like riding a psychotic horse (Peta Todd) toward a burning stable.

Contador: I am drawn to your heat.

Stephen said...

All that snot and piss is like my pillow in the morning. babble, like get a room with yourself already. Do i sound like i'm down with the kids?

Anonymous said...

Honey Bucket

P. Bateman said...

the collagen bar tape cockpit looks like someone cut the legs off a pig or a baby and repurposed them as drop bars.

creepy looking to me, but i guess if it works it works.

some women, after they have seen my cockpit, tell me that it too looks like a baby's leg, just slightly ashier.

Anonymous said...

I see the concept behind the Etch-a-sketch cocker. You ride along drawing on it until you crash, say into French tourists' umbrellas or something; the crash shakes up the Etch-a-sketch, clearing the screen; remount, and repeat cycle.

It's like a Tibetan sand mandala for irresponsible douchebags.

Anonymous said...

Snobbie, have you been lurking on my hard drive?!? That picture of AC from Amstel Curacao 2007 is one of my all-time faves! Kinda like recumbabe for the fellas, this pic of Alberto all hot, sweaty, & tan is the one I like when I'm feeling all the right things at all the wrong times. Un moment, svp!

Cipo said...

eating pussy

Anonymous said...

Z-torque; Been done. Like all big "breakthroughs on a bike".

From Classic Rendezvous:

http://www.classicrendezvous.com/Rarest/pmp+pop.htm

Anonymous said...

WCRM,

Recent comments move me to inquire if your blog handle "WCRM" is incorrect, and should read "WRM".

RUCK SACK

mikeweb said...

babble, I awoke to discover it was hump day this morning also. But then again, most days are.

Yes, I too noticed the hunnees next to the yellow truck. Not sure why they're hangin' by the Honey Buckets, but I'm sure there's a joke in there somewhere.

Unknown said...

Somebody explain this to me like I'm in Kindergarten: If the relationship between where a pedal is attached to a crank and where that crank attaches to the BB is static and cannot change, how does the shape of the connection between those two points matter?

Anonymous said...

PMP extra at classic rendezvous

http://www.classicrendezvous.com/Rarest/pmp_extra.htm

crosspalms said...

I was going to say something about that Etch-a-Sketch, but Anon 12:47 said it way better.

Cosmo Kramer said...

I bet Valdas is a rabid anti-Dentite too.

Anonymous said...

In that quote, Analauskas doesn't even make any assertions about the Holocaust, so if you're trying to expose an anti-Semite, it didn't work. In fact he seems to be saying that any idea that has to be protected by threat of force and imprisonment, should automatically be considered shaky and untrustworthy, which I agree with. If people have to use fascism to fight fascism, they're fascists.

Anonymous said...

Much in the same vein, some deny that the unprecedented burning of fossil fuels doesn't increase the amount of CO2 in the atmosphere.

Sadly, my dad is one of them.

babble on said...

stephen - :*

That would be lonely.

JB said...

If I yell "Fire! Run for your lives!" in a crowded theatre and get arrested, then that would prove that the idea that there was no fire are on shaky ground? I'm I following this logic correctly?

babble on said...

Anon @ 1:26

What if you have to use the greatest military might on earth to bring democracy to countries which are going about minding their own business?

And what if that democracy is no more than a flimsy false front for the interests of the worlds biggest and most powerful multinational corporations?

Just curious.

JB said...

The only thing the weirdly-shaped crank arm should do is affect the what the crank arm flexes under force. Otherwise, torque equals force times distance from the point of rotation, no matter how the force gets there.

McFly said...

Caption Entry:

One, Two, Three, Four...I declare a "Tie War".

Five, Six, Seven, Eight I use this hand to masterbate.


This caption also applies to Lonely Babble. Or Frilly with her sweaty, slightly crumpled picture of Alsquirto Cuntador.

JB said...

@ babble @ 1:39: then we all move to 'merica's roof rack.

Anonymous said...


re the z torque - yeah i wrote to the guy with the same question:

---
"i don;t get it

how does this do anything other than [possibly] change the crank length?

i mean, nothing hinges or rotates or moves, so how does it do anything, other than weigh more than a straight crank arm?

wle
"

===

i will report what he says..

wle

Anonymous said...

===
Somebody explain this to me like I'm in Kindergarten: If the relationship between where a pedal is attached to a crank and where that crank attaches to the BB is static and cannot change, how does the shape of the connection between those two points matter?
===
it doesn;t
''inventor'' is wrong

wle

Anonymous said...

JB said...

The only thing the weirdly-shaped crank arm should do is affect the what the crank arm flexes under force. Otherwise, torque equals force times distance from the point of rotation, no matter how the force gets there.
===
no
you forgot it is faster downhill
because it weighs more :)
wle

Jobst Brandt said...

The Z-Torque passed the DFT (Diminuitive Frenchman Test) so it's OK in my book.

babble on said...

@JB

You'll have to keep on keeping on till you end up in Russia, then, cause our politicians are even more corrupt than yours.

McFly said...

There's no doubt in my mind the Z-Torque has a different "Feel"(miniscule) than a conventional crank because of the angle of the arm changing the leverage fulcrum point. But not enough to warrant looking like a fucking idiot.

Anonymous said...

Adolfymous @ 1:26 - when is the last time you saw a holocaust denier getting jailed? he has no point other than denying something that undeniably happened and why would he do that? It doesn't take a big leap to see the guy for what he is.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I have other places I can go on another one of the internets if I want to read about Holocaust denial.

I come here for the pee-pee jokes.

Let's keep the tone light around here, eh?

tomt said...

About every seven years, there's a bonus weed day.

Justaprole said...

If the z-torque positions the pedal in the manor, does that put the saddle in the stable?

The "physics" behind the z-torque are remininscent of the slingshot bike.

Anonymous said...

confused.com

maybe it's the beer muddling my mind but I can't figure what this post was actually about?

Marcel Da Chump said...

Anti confusion.

Anonymous said...

That Z-torque is total crap! The pedals are still 180deg apart and the rings are still round. There's just nothing there. Bending the crank just adds extra material and more flex.

Why are people so fucking stupid?



balls™

Test Tickle said...

CRAN KARM

balls.

McFly said...

I'm with bikevcar. I am so twisted up I gots to change my avatar for some positive mental energy. This shot was taken right before I bonked. Which is pretty much every shot.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Nice avatar there McFly. Looks like you were out riding your taun taun in the snow.

Anonymous said...

The baby's arms TT bike is rocking mad fibre wheels. Thousands spent on trimming milliseconds off your time. why not just wrap your spare money round your bars? scranus!

McFly said...

A man after my own heart. The warmth of the guts kept me motivated until my wife got there with the extra tube.

Anonymous said...

Bike comment:
Anyone notice the derailleur pulley chain routing on the Z torque power comparison picture

Jim Romney said...

I used to go to City Bikes but the potent smell of copious amounts of weed being smoked out back meant I couldn't go back there.
Wow, Portland being a cow town compared to big bad NYC, wonderful that we get near daily mention in this blog, how else can we entertain you?
@babbles: sounds like you hates our 'freedoms', better keep an eye on that border. Last time I crossed at Blaine, looked like some Portland tall bikers and Chunk666 types could easily take over. Have you seen your Alberta tar sands lately? Thanks bitches.
Shameless plug: be sure to watch my cousin Mitt make Obama look like the Socialist he is, not nearly enough other countries 'helped' lately.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

wwmx,
the mention of the holo-cost(co) was not so much about antisemitism as about portland's reaction to it.

but yeah, wcrm could've interjected a good joke so we could just shrug it off, laugh and move on to dislodging boogers from our snots.

Anonymous said...

I'm going to totally kick the asses of you doubters with my Z-torques and my Powerwheels.

Dave said...

Z-Torque! It looks kind of zingy, it costs a lot, and it has aerodynamic holes! You will definitely ride faster with it. Just like you ride much faster with a Scattante Spandex Warrior jersey than with some old t-shirt.

leroy said...

A bicycle crank shaped like a chicken leg?

Well we all know how that is going to turn out:

McFly: "Hey Babble, do you know the difference between a chicken leg and a penis?"

Babble: "Why no McFly, I can't say that I do."

McFly: "That's okay. Hey, do you want go on a picnic? We can take our bikes."

crosspalms said...

note to self: to create a diversion, set off a bomb in an adult video store. I recommend this to Jim's cousin Mitt just in case his yer-a-socialist plan goes awry.

Anonymous said...

any idea where Floyd Landis might be?

leroy said...

Anon 1:26 --

I'm with Anon 2:00.

If you need help understanding the concept, try this.

On a visit to New York in 2010, Iranian President Ahmadinejad used the same flawed analysis you did to explain his Holocaust Denial position.

His "I'm just sayin' we should talk about it - why force one person's view on another" defense wasn't taken seriously given his past pronouncements on the subject.

leroy said...

Honestly, any get rich quick scheme that involves setting off a bomb at an adult bookstore as a diversion just can't be well thought out.

Unless, of course, the bastards killed Kenny.

Not the real Babble On said...

"You had me at penis."

babble on said...

McFly - I love picnics! and chicken! and penises! Yessss!!! Let's go. Bring yer wife. I can't wait to (m)eat her.

Jimmy R - Have I seen the tar sands indeed. Puhleeeeeeease. I practically am the fucking tar sands.

McFly said...

Mother of God.

Note to self: Set browser history to auto-delete.


I think it's "peni".
Peni is what you want Babble. You want Peni.

CAN WE NOT FOCUS ON BIKECYCLES PEOPLE!!!

I got my cross bike rolling today.


Had some beaver late last night.

I need a smaller chainring up front, though.

A rainbow shot out of it. We swept up 3 quarts of Skittles.

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVtn2fUACGE&feature=share

McFly said...

I stole this from Stevil, it's worth a look.

JDH said...

I like Ron Paul, and I cannot lie...sorry, had to throw that in before Romney or Obama start in.

Brar Rabbit in the Tar Sands said...

Vito, I mean Mitt, said something about bringing in a bike lane, no wait, it's a pipeline from our Canadian Oil Barons.

babble on said...

mmmm skittles...

Anonymous said...

Babble On @ 1:39 - What do you mean "what if?"

JB @1:38, if you were arrested for yelling "Fire!" when there's no fire, it's for creating a dangerous stampede, not for questioning the idea that there's no fire. So no, you're following the logic wrong.

The fact that there's no fire is quite capable of defending itself, because it's obviously true. Same with any other idea that's true. But you don't get to find out it's true until you question it. So if the Holocaust happened, which I'm pretty sure it did, suppressing questions about it only delays your vindication.

Anonymous said...

No God. No Holocost. No normal people in Portland. No normal people in New York. No fires in theatres (just crazy gunman). Irreverant bike blogs. Free speach, what a wonderful thing.

JDH said...

Mitt wins the dumbate, according to PBS. (Public Scranus Stimultator)

JDH said...

And as far as holocausts go, pictures of miles, or kilometers, of stacks of dead Jews pretty much does it for me. Kinda like Elvis. He died. They buried him. End of story.

Grammar Nazi said...

JDH,
We need to talk about acronyms and how the work.

Anonymous said...

Why are comments with information on the Portland Calvert thing being deleted?

Anonymous said...

Wednesday comes but 52 times a year. Really?

Anonymous said...

I am against FREE SPEECH and CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS and believe that anonymous bullies should have the right to drive people out of business based on ugly rumors. Good job Blogger, let's see if we can find dirt on your bike shop. Perhaps an employee did something with the same sex. Ohhhh, years ago that would bring the police.

Anonymous said...

Why are comments with information on the Portland Calvert thing being deleted? >> They are being deleted because they believe in intimidation, threats and terrorism. You have a problem with THAT!!!

Anonymous said...

We all suck. Everyone is awesome. We hate. We love. We live. We die. Repeat.

cephas said...

I think you're fulla shitta. WedNesDaY comes 53 times this year. I couldn't get passed the misleading, misguided misogynist headline to your fluffer piece.

The Old Frisian said...

It's "Wednesdei" you bitches!

Organizer nyc said...

It was nice reading this blog. Thanks for sharing

Central park map said...

This title reminds me of another quote: "the Mondays are the worst way to spend 1/7th of our life"

Anonymous said...

http://portland.indymedia.org/en/2012/10/418709.shtml?discuss

Anonymous said...

Z-crank has been done before...

http://pardo.net/bike/pic/mobi/d.pmp-cranks/index.html

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