Tuesday, June 19, 2012

What's My Motivation? Pick a Cause, Any Cause

Why do you ride a bike?  Is it for fun?  Is it for fitness?  Is it to get to work or school?  Is it because you like the way the saddle rubs up against your private parts?  Or is it because "bi-keen" is good for the environment and you think you're singlehandedly staving off climate change?  Well, I was visiting Streetsblog recently, where I saw a preview for a show that will no doubt appeal to those cyclists in that last category:



I don't want bad stuff to happen to the environment--at least until they make the Moon habitable, because I would totally live there.  Unfortunately, with the Space Shuttle program suspended, it could be years before lunar gentrification finally occurs, and it's doubtful that amenities like fair trade coffee houses and restaurants that serve organic cuisine will be established there during our lifetimes.  Therefore, in the meantime, I'm in complete agreement with the notion that the Earth should remain able to sustain human life.  (But obviously, once the Moon turns into a great big Portland in the sky, then fuck it.)

At the same time, while I've mounted a bicycle for fun, and for fitness, and for transportation (and obviously for crotchal stimulation, because I mean like really, who doesn't?), I don't think I've ever thought to myself, "I really should ride my bike today because of this whole climate change thing."  You can criticize me all you want, but I'm just being honest.  In fact, it would be far easier for me to lie and say I'm doing my part for the environment, because I'm going to ride no matter what.  Therefore, retroactively ascribing lofty motives to my actions is merely a matter of convenience--like accidentally catching a baby thrown from a burning building and then saying, "I meant to do that."

But ask yourself this: what if it were the other way around?  What if cycling were demonstrably bad for the environment--worse even than driving a car?  Would you drive instead?  Or, what if you knew that every year a baby seal would be clubbed in your name because you rode a bicycle?  You'd never actually have to see it, but you would get a certificate in the mail.  Would you give up riding, or would you manage to rationalize it or ignore it?

Suck on that one, seal-killer.

As it is, I'm not all that convinced that cycling is so environmentally friendly anyway--at least as it's practiced by Americans.  The constant eBaying, the incessant upgrades, the frenzied redemption of Nashbar discount codes...  All of this stuff is flown and trucked to and from your door.  It's not like it falls from a tree and then gets carted to the local greenmarket in a bakfiets.  And who consumes more avidly than American cyclists?  Show me an American cyclist who has not taken delivery of some sort of bike bauble or custom bag or technical garment or eBay find in the last two weeks and I will call you on your fraud and expose that cyclist for the Dutchman he is.  Anyway, the guy with the MSNBC show better be careful, because the NYPD is going to knock the smugness out of him for all that sidewalk riding:


Dooring a cyclist to death is no bid deal, but riding a bike on the sidewalk can land you in criminal court.

Ultimately though, more even than buying stuff, Cycling American Style is about the pursuit of glory, whether that glory is the glory of unassailable smugness, or it is the glory of defeating your fellow cyclists in the rigors of competition. Of course, sometimes it can be hard to find a fellow cyclist to defeat, which is why we now have Strava.  As it happens, Strava is now being sued, and while I'm personally not a fan of Strava I do think this lawsuit is utterly ridiculous:


Here's what happened:

Flint was apparently going for a new record on South Park Drive in the hills east of Berkeley, California when he slammed into a car, and speculation began almost immediately that Strava might share part of the blame.

Again, I think it's inappropriate to blame Strava for this cyclist's death in the same way that it's inappropriate to blame the porn industry for death by auto-erotic strangulation, though at the same time I was kind of stunned by the following reader comment on the article:

I'm not so sure the lawsuit is frivolous.. I was recently a Strava KOM on a descent.. when my record was broken I received a direct email that notified me and expressed I needed to get back out there and 'show them who was boss'. Strava isn't taking into account that I was already blowing the posted speed limit by 20+ mph on State property. As harmless as Strava can be it's has a strange was of playing to the ego.. Sort of the Drink, Drink, Drink... College days.

Wow.  So basically, if I have this right, Freds are cresting climbs with their eyes glued to their smartphones, and if they don't "win" they immediately get an email telling them that they need to do it all over again.  I certainly don't think this is tantamount to killing somebody, but I do think it's incredibly pathetic and dorky.

This comment was even more stunning:

The only thing that Strava posts up if you are fastest, is an image of a Burger King hat....and if you upgrade you can filter the list by age and weight classifications so you don't have to compare yourself to some Pro or 27yr old Cat 1 racer......so this lawsuit is complete B$ by an opportunist.

As I understand it, the more you "upgrade" the more you can slice and dice your "competition" into a smaller group, thus making "winning" even easier.  Presumably you can keep "upgrading" to the point at which victory is all but assured, and I wonder how much you have to pay to be the KOM of 50-50 1/2 year old Sagittarius dentists who ride Serottas and wear red socks.

Of course, you don't need Strava to engage in competition with your fellow riders, since you can always just "Cat 6" them instead--just try not to crash into the side of a bridge while you're doing it:


Vanderbilt Ave on our bikes - m4w - 25 (Manhattan Bridge to Vanderbilt Ave)
Date: 2012-06-19, 12:20AM EDT
Reply to: [deleted]


You passed me on the Manhattan Bridge. Then you passed some other dude, too. I thought you guys knew each other cause he tried to keep pace with you, and was like totally smiling at you like it was a game. But then he almost killed both of us when he lost control and crashed into the side of the bridge. I thought he was a jerk. Also his button-down shirt was open like a tool. What a jerk.


Anyway, I think you thought I was trying to pass you on Vanderbilt because I was on the other side of the street and you said that I could go in front of you. But I was just over there cause I was turning left on Gates. I'm not like that other guy. I wouldn't pass you just to flirt. I'd much rather write a thing on the internet.


Your bike was squeaky and you are pretty.


Let me buy you a beverage, please?


PS. If you DO know that guy, I'm sorry I called him a jerk and a tool. But he is.

I'm not sure who you sue in the event of a non-Strava related "Cat 6" mishap, though I suppose I'd either start with the Department of Transportation, or, in the event the pursuit was inspired by alluring "coin slot" exposure, the manufacturer of the female cyclist's pants.

Or, in lieu of legal action, just hurl your u-lock at the offending party:


Cyclist who hurled bike lock at cab - w4m - 31 (Lower East Side)
Date: 2012-06-17, 12:26AM EDT
Reply to: [deleted]


Just wanted you to know... you were in the right, that cab driver was nuts. He ran a red light shortly after he nearly killed you. I took down his information and reported him to the taxi commission. That said, I'm glad your bike lock didn't break the rear window as it was aimed at my not-so-hard-head.

It's good to know the passenger was on the cyclist's side.

And if instead of throwing a u-lock at a taxi cab you'd rather throw money somebody, here's your chance for I recently received the following [edited] email:


I know you take great pleasure in admiring Portland's ridiculous 'culture' and are a huge fan of the smug that we are known for.  I want to give you the opportunity to help us continue arguably the best cycling community on the planet.  Then you can make fun of us for it.


My best friend, riding partner and team mate had an unfortunate accident during a single speed short track race last week leaving him paralyzed from the chest down.  He is a tremendous and successful racer and the nicest guy in town.  ...  We all love him to death and are doing all we can to make things easier for him.  A donation site has been established for his recovery fund (www.bartonpdx.com).  He has a wife and amazing family, as well as tons of friends who are all by his side - but this is bigger than us.  Once the bartonpdx.com site was launched with a $50,000 goal we were half way there in just over a day.  Folks are donating for raffles, selling mountain bike frames, printing t-shirts... That is community!  Dare I say that is the cycling community... in Portland.


So - you have free reign to make fun of short track, single speed mountain bikes, Portland, organic hops, etc... I just ask that you link to www.bartonpdx.com to help us get the word out and raise money for his recovery.

Wow, an opportunity to make fun of Portland in the context of a horrible accident?!?  Thanks for nothing.  Nevertheless, I'm happy to honor the request (though I'll withhold the ridicule), and if you'd like more information you can find it here.

Or, if you prefer to give even more irreverently, there's always this:


Dear Bike Snob NYC,


In July I will be raising money for scholarships at my university, Imperial College London, by cycling a life-sized skeleton on a tandem the entire length of the United Kingdom. I’d really appreciate if you could help spread the word in any way possible – I’ve included more information about the cycle below, and I've attached a photo of how ridiculous a guy on a tandem with a skeleton looks. Thanks for your time.


Best,
Kadhim




Here's more on his endeavor:



Including the disclosure that he's not ready:

My body is not ready…


With less than two weeks to go it’s quickly dawning on me that this is going to be a pretty difficult challenge to complete. I barely cycled across London today, probably two hours cycling in total, and my legs are feeling pretty tired.

Good to see he's thinking this through, though if he had opted for a living human in a skeleton suit he'd have a much easier time of it.  Or, if he doesn't mind some musculature along with his skeleton, there's always Mario Cipollini:


I'm sure he'd be willing to do it as long as there's access to university girls, and I can't think of a better way to raise scholarship funds than with a video series called "Mario Cipollini's British College Girls Gone Wild."

110 comments:

Chriam said...

I contributed nothing!

pebes said...

second

Anonymous said...

Cipo!

singlespeedwaster said...

Podium!

Anonymous said...

Topus Tennus

g said...

[Insert empty joke about bike racing here]

singlespeedwaster said...

Damn it, I was doored on my way onto the podium, though I understand there was no criminality involved

Anonymous said...

Top Ten for Detroit Mac in the bright blue fred shorts!

RANTWICK said...

Skeleton!

erikbeng said...

top 10! do people really dismount like that MSNBC guy?

Etherhuffer said...

Uff da. A tip of the chapeau to Snobby for the plug on the guy from PDX who is paralyzed. Good on ya Snobby.

Billy said...

Just missed the top 10, and after checking for a post just 20 minutes ago.

leroy said...

I don't mean to brag, but I ride a bike for the attention I get.

Just this morning, two women of a certain age working as crossing guards in Cobble Hill smiled and waved at me as I returned home from the park.

One called me "Baby Boy."

My dog insists it was because I was drooling and my bibs look like a diaper.

He's just jealous.

Newt Gearbitch said...

Fucking Salamander murderers:

http://blog.sfbaywildlife.info/trip-report/two-species-of-salamanders

I guess cyclists just get crass after so many dead seals.

g said...

I don't know about you folks, but if I crash trying to get to Woo-Hoo speed, I am suing the shit outa somebody!

Billy said...

That skeleton has no helment! And it's not clipped in! Horrors!

I prefer the one on the stationary bike at the Boston Museum of Science.

I found a video too, but it was pretty pathetic.

I think the Barton PDX site got snobbed. Not loading at the moment.

I don't know about throwing my u-lock, I prefer swinging it at arm's length instead, but I have considered getting a handlebar basket and filling it with rocks to throw at rude motorists. Vigilante justice is exactly what urban cyclists need. There's no way that can escalate and turn against us, taunting the happy fun three-ton steel cages from our perches atop our zero-carbon bicycles.

Anonymous said...

i received a $50 summons this morning for going through a redlight in central park. I slowed down and made sure the cross walk was empty and proceeded, but the parks department put up a trap and were stopping cyclists for running the light. As the park ranger was writing my ticket I pointed out that they were doing nothing to the joggers, walkers, roller bladers that were also going through the redlight but that plea was ignored. for the non new yorkers these are pedestrian cross walks and not for cars or bikes, so proceeding slowly with caution through an empty crosswalk in a park is not aggressive or dangerous behavior.

Zach said...

Guy leaned on his horn for about thirty seconds behind me on 37th Street in Midtown yesterday (at a red light). Finally I gave in, turned around and started in on a screaming match.

He kept yelling things like "Lead, follow, or get out of the way!" which is the sort of stupid cliche people use when they don't have original thoughts. Also, I'm not sure what he meant. I guess I cut him off? No memory of cutting off the douchey Wall Street (the movie) type guy in the 1980s econobox.

I thought about saying "maybe you would cut more people off if you weren't driving a three-ton death box", but it sounded like too much of a 'bike' thing to say, so I just rode through the red light. It's good to be special.

Invisible Man said...

You're right about the environment stuff, Snob. I don't think I'd go through with the seal-killing thing - but I'm really tired of people thinking I must be an eco-freak just because I ride a bike. I now boast loudly about any trans-Atlantic flight to disabuse them about my commitment to reducing my crabon footprint.

That said, as I describe here - http://invisiblevisibleman.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/it-may-be-fun-but-is-cycling-part-of.html - I did once encounter an opportunity to use environmental arguments with a motorist. The woman honked loudly at me after I blew my nose onto the road while waiting at traffic lights. I was seriously tempted to highlight for her the huge irony that she was sitting pumping out fumes that would warm the planet for a century and berating me about mucus that, while unpleasant, would degrade and disappear within at most a day.

Hope that story wasn't too, as you Americans say, gross for you.

Invisible.

dcee604 said...

top 20?

PatrickBateman said...

i just stubbed my toe running to my computer to try to make the podium on the epic non-strava cat-6 comments race that occurs daily on BSNYC. Does this mean i can sue your ass snobby? Me thinks i'd like a piece of that big New York book publishing money.

McFly said...

You were squeaky and your bike was pretty...

Anonymous said...

Look, more porn links or I'mafuckinkillya!

warren said...

my 30 mile commute cost 1 gal in gas, and 1000 kcal if i cycle. so unless you get your calories by munching grass in your backyard, you'd be deluded if you think any form of cycling is 'green'

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

That stoker is a real boner.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Leroy, I don't mean to brag, I don't mean to boast, but we like hot butter on our breakfast toast...

BTW, did you ever go over to a friend's house to eat, but the food just ain't no good?

Anonymous said...

warren,

so you are trying to make the case that driving is greener than cycling? how about the emissions from your car on your 30 mile drive?

WPVelo said...

http://www.newschannel5.com/story/18818895/surveillance-video-shows-hit-and-run-of-cyclist

speaking of yesterday's post, this is the latest mowing down of a cyclist by a motorist in my neighboring "borough" which is, actually a town named "'boro".

midnight last saturday this cyclist made some bad decisions. then got hit hard and left in the street. cameras caught it, but not enough detail for the local blue.

streepo said...

Since the Olympics are rapidly approaching I'd like to remind you all of a really important fact:

Kara Goucher is HOTT!!!!

Thank you for your time.

Robert said...

This is absurd, I hope they lose the case and get counter-sued for being stupid.

Marcel Da Chump said...

I just prayed for Matt.

mikeweb said...

warren,

That one gallon of gas produces 20 pounds of CO2.

Not sure how this compares to human CO2 production, but common sense tells us that it takes much more energy to propel a 3000 pound automobile than 200 pounds of person and bicycle.

But yeah, I don't ride for the planet, I ride to meet pretty women with squeaky bikes who are also crossing guards.

Anonymous said...

Where do I sign up for the Certificate Suitable for Framing showing a Baby Seal was killed in my name?

SEAL KILR

Sean Connery said...

I just had shecksh with your grandmama....

Anonymous said...

BONE RIDE

Anonymous said...

That Hayes fellow has my bike. He's obviously a badass.

warren said...

you all are not considering that if you are not eating that extra calories, there is no need to grow, fertilize, transport, package that extra food. i thought i made that clear on the munching grass part of my comment.

yes i think that overall, it may be greener to drive.
want the math?

Anonymous said...

"Is it because you like the way the saddle rubs up against your private parts?"

Yes, but it must be chamfered from rich corinthian leather by ETCM himself. My taint won't have it any other way, and this is not a Freudian slip.

Anonymous said...

warren

Much less 1 gallon of gas equals about 31000 kcal not accounting for the CO2. Going anywhere will cost energy. Stay home and do nothing and keep your stupid opinions to yourself to cause the least detriment to the planet!

Anonymous said...

Wait, isn't cycling bad for the environment by helping people LIVE longer? There are two major causes of death in the world right now; starvation and obesity. By cycling or participating in any form physical exercise, aren't we just just prolonging our usage of the limited resources of our planet? Let's all don jogging suits and off ourselves for the environment!

Samuel F. B. Douche'bag said...

bag bag douche' bag
bag bag douche'
douche' bag douche' bag
douche' bag douche'


douche' bag douche' douche'
douche' douche' douche'
bag bag douche'

Rapper King Smugggs Douche' said...

June 19, 2012 1:20PM ...

"our zero-carbon bicycles."

put on yer smugg bee'atch ...


our carbon zero-carbon bicycles

Rapper King Smugggs Douche' said...

June 19, 2012 1:20PM ...

"our zero-carbon bicycles."

put on yer smugg bee'atch ...


our carbon zero-carbon bicycles

warren said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
warren said...

right, gas is 31000 kcal/gal, but it is energy-dense, where as food is not. given how we get petroleum and how we grow food: it is a wash.
staying home is best. clubbing seal is not.

Anonymous said...

epitasticsnoboliciousexpalldoschnizzle

Anonymous said...

William Flint exceeded the Fred "woo hoo hoo" speed of 40mph. Death was imminent!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Mikeweb, how many pounds of CO2 does an epic burrito produce? Let's compare apples to apples now...

Sir Issaac Douche'ton said...

When you are standing there, over the toilet, and the little mon' is dangling there in space, just swinging in a circular linear arc. This motion I have named 'scrotation'


math proofs to follow ...

Master Baiter said...

Is "clubbing your seal" the same thing as "making knuckle babies?"

Dooth said...

Argggh! I'm in a NewYork sports bar filled with soccer fans. The English ones are chanting loudly and probably farting. A tear is slowly dripping down my face.

g-roc said...

I haz done saved the environment! LOL ^_^

McFly said...

Did I see Andy Schleck on the back of that tandem? He would probably have better performance with that setup.

Anonymous said...

Oh Warren. You know, you're right. Human beings are not green. They are simply very inefficient composting devices. Clearly the most sensible thing would be to murder as many MFs as possible.

I had an Uncle Warren. Nice guy, but as soon has he had a couple belts in him, he'd be yelling & swearing at my aunt, and mom would round up us kids and say "Time to go!"

Ignuaaixxlv Bornhung said...

In Mother Russia, baby seal club you. Da.

Jefe said...

All organic matter contains carbon. Nothing is more organic than my bike.

ashcroftchops said...

Top sixty!

Anonymous said...

Is there a way that I can just eat petrochemicals and then ride my bike? Because I do like to ride my bike, but I wouldn't want to hurt the environment. And food is bad!

Also, if I ate petrochemicals would I fart less? Because I heard methane is some nasty greenhouse gas.

Anonymous said...

Cipo's going to come after you with a lawsuit, Snobby.

Oh, wait, he's not American. Maybe you are OK after all.

db said...

@Dooth: They had beans for breakfast. For sure they're farting.

Anonymous said...

By the way, gasoline extracts itself from the ground, refines itself and transports itself to your local gas station without any inputs of energy. Way cool.

Anonymous said...

Re: Strava __ Any excuse to find blame and shirk responsibility.

We have become a society of scape goat hunters. Did I make a decision? Was it a bad one? Crap! Who can I now blame/sue???

Give me strength. ( or I'll sue yer ass )

mikeweb said...

wiwm,

Yes, I want to produce more greenhouse gases: methane, butane, Coltraine, etc.

Q: Do they call it methane because it comes out of the anus? Can it be turned into Meth? Since the Moon has less gravity, can I go with a lower spoke count when 'Port-moon-dia' opens?

McFly,

I'm pretty sure that Schleck-alike on the tandem could probably TT better than the original.

grog said...

How do you do?
Who do I sue?
The crash I made
While thinking Babe
Tells me to
Sue you.

the end

Anonymous said...

If you don't straddle the bike, just hang off one pedal like the bloke in the pic, it's not real riding. Plus, why deprive your crotch of its essential stimulation?

Anonymous said...

Panties!

gabriel said...

I ride for fun and heart attack and stroke prevention

JB said...

Comments have been disabled for this post.

leroy said...

WIWM @ 1:56--

Bad food at a friend's house? Never. You can't beat the price.


Ignuaaixxiv @ 3:07--

In NYC, baby seal goes clubbing.

McFly said...

I NEVER prevent a good stroke holmes. I have a jerk complex.

self-obsessed and sexee said...

I ride because I'm hot.

mikeweb said...

On a serious note, while that Strava suit is utterly ridiculous, I do have to question the wisdom of allowing segments that are only steep descents, or even mostly flat segments that contain long steep downhill portions.

Contrary to Strava's promotion of fitness, etc. these segments only prove who's the bigger daredevil, or at least who is heavy enough to counter wind resistance. For this last statement, I expect to be soundly Insulted by any and all physicists, scientists, numistmatists and/ or astrologists in here.

bikesgonewild said...

...'a boy named sue'...

...guy grew up to be a litigation lawyer...

Good Lawyer said...

Strava, oh Strava. . . . I'm reminded of the age-old parents' question: if Billy told you to jump off a cliff, would you do it? Apparently, if you replace "Billy" with "some stupid website/email robot" and replace "jump off a cliff" with "ride your bike off a cliff," the answer unfortunately turns out to be yes--at least in some cases. Idiots will be idiots, but if Strava (Billy) gets spanked for encouraging stupidity, why should I cry for them? I mean, without frivolous lawsuits, lawyers would probably get bored, and God knows we don't need bored lawyers. And if Strava has to--gasp--consider the safety of people they're making money off of, well, boo-frickin'-hoo. They'll be only one more example of companies from cigarette makers to automobile manufacturers to pharmaceuticals that had to be reminded the hard way that their actions, no matter how profirable, might actually have moral implications.

Anonymous said...

DEAD SEAL

the density of the post is only made more amazetastic by the breadth of the material, that said;

MORE CROTCHAL SPLENDOR OR IMA FUKKING KILL YOO

bikesgonewild said...

...'strava' can be intellectualized six ways from sunday as to how it promotes fitness & healthy competition but face it, it's just an electronic yardstick to measure dick size...

..."...not that there's anything wrong with that..."...

Anonymous said...

Rector scholarship + Cipo = Rectum scholarship!

Liz Hatch said...

I ride to make my panties wet!
For whoever asked me to prove I'm really me yesterday by showing my boobs, well, I guess he hasn't gotten around to figuring out how to do a Google image search. But here's one option: http://evomo.com/blog/2008/10/23/october-is-breast-cancer-month/

wishiwasmerckx said...

I haven't the time or interest for such nonsense as Strava, so perhaps I simply don't understand. Is there some objective verification that you have, indeed, attained the accomplishments you claim on Strava? Fastest ever on a certain segment according to whom?

g said...

wiwm,
You have to have a GPS enabled device that can connect to the site. There's no way to tell if you were on a bike, foot or a 125cc motor scooter, but you have to have at least been there.

Kara Goucher said...

Liz, call me. I have a coin for your slot.

wishiwasmerckx said...

G, so an epic burrito-created methane tailwind is not a disqualifying event?

crosspalms said...

I ride my bike to create jobs. The shoes, the clothes, the bags, the gizmos -- somebody has to make all that stuff.

Mikeweb, I'm happy to say I'm heavy enough to overcome wind resistance, but Chicago is so flat it doesn't do me any good. All those potato chips and no advantage to show for it.

Fritz said...

this while "rideabiketosavetheplanet"

mindset is quite Mad

I ride because it is faster than walking but slower than driving, my ideal speed

Anonymous said...

god bless his soul that warren, he'd argue about anything...

Ray Sexlight said...

When did Slim Goodbody cut his 'fro off?

bikesgonewild said...

...kadhim from imperial college, london is like the guy who crossed the border every day after work with a wheelbarrow full of horseshit...

...the guards would begrudgingly sift through it every time assuming he was trying to smuggle something hidden in the horseshit but would never find a thing...

...years after his retirement, the guy ran into one of the guards, also now retired & the old guard asked him - "...so, we know you were smuggling something every day but we could never find out what it was no matter how hard we searched...you mind telling what it was ???"...
...the guy said - "...wheelbarrows..."...

...i think kadhim is getting rid of college roommates by pedaling their remains out across the english countryside...

...just a theory but hey, somebody's gotta pay attention...

Piskian said...

That Dead Bone Man don't even be peddling.And he don;t be having a massive boner neither.Pathetic.Call yourself British.Deport yourself with decorum,mate.

Anonymous said...

When in Phoenix in summertime, take the bus.

Anonymous said...

rigor mortis.

g-roc said...

Did I see Andy Schleck on the back of that tandem?
McFly, comment of the day. Nice. Fortunately for Frandy, they have skin, so you can't tell if they're faking their injuries.

Linda McCartney said...

Again with the seal clubbing WRM - are you turning Canadian on us?

warren said...

woohoo! i'm the freeman dyson of cycling.

Anonymous said...

I agree with you, Mike Web, about your fondness for squeeky women.
But please explain to me, given the demands of the laws of conservation of mass, how it is possible for a ~9 pound gallon of gasoline to be converted into 20 pounds of CO2?

Slim Whitdouche' said...

yodel odell dodel douche'

J. Cesardouche' said...

douchni'

douchdi'

douchci'

Anonymous said...

transport, refine, transport, use...that's how.

Anonymous said...

oh, I forgot explore, build, and drill

Anonymous said...

that all happens before it gets in your SUV.

g-roc said...

I drink 1/2 cup of gasoline after a 30 mile ride to replenish my 1000 kcal burned. I'm still killing the planet, but I'm saving money on gas!

JDH said...

one hunnert an' one, bitches!

Anonymous said...

warren and g-roc,

50 miles per burrito is about right

Anonymous said...

Anon@ 7:41 PM...I'm guessing Chem wasn't your best subject then...you have to add stuff to hydrocarbons to get them to burn...oxygen is a good start...and as for Warren, "who let the trolls out (who?who?who?who?)"

bikesgonewild said...

...while you guys figure out the relative inefficiency of fossil fueled 'machines' which ultimately includes us, i've got let you in on something...

...we're all gonna die someday !!!...every last one of us...hope i'm not bumming anybody out...

Doug said...

Why not a Troll Of The Day contest? I nominate Warren.

Warren said...

"Have you theen my bathzeball?"

mikeweb said...

anon 7:41 (p.m.)

If you remember that fossil fuels require oxygen (O2) for combustion, that should provide your answer. Gasoline is so 'energy dense', as some like to point out, that it needs, like, a LOT of oxygen to burn. Hence the perceived oddness of the numbers.

BTW, the other main result of burning gas is H2O. Must be why they call it a 'hydro-carbon'...

JB said...

The H2O by-product of gasoline combustion could solve our water shortage in the southwest. I bet no one's ever thought of that.

Cipo said...

Shortage? What's this "shortage" you speak of?

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