Friday, June 15, 2012

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

Yesterday, I dressed head to bunions in special bikey clothes, and then I rode around in circles for about an hour.

I mention this only to underscore a fundamental truth, which is this: Once a Fred, Always a Fred.  Sure, I could have just jumped on a bike while wearing regular clothing, but instead I opted to don a special proprietary wardrobe just to enjoy an hour of leisurely forward motion.  For some reason, once you take it into your head that proper leisure cycling has to involve stretchy shorts and clicky shoes, it's nearly impossible to free yourself from this notion.  In fact, the only person in history who's successfully done so is Grant Petersen, and he even wrote an excellent book that will tell you how to do it too, though in undertaking his de-Fredification treatment you do run the risk of becoming something even stranger.  It's sort of like kicking drugs only to become a born-again Christian.

Another component of 21st century Fred-dom is an obsession with data, and applications like Strava mean that, while a Fred may technically be a physical presence out there on the road, his consciousness actually resides elsewhere, in a world of make-believe that he will only visit later when he gets home.  But Freds aren't the only cyclists for whom the ride is merely a means to a digital end.  Lone Wolves too engage in this behavior, as you can see from this article which was forwarded to me by a reader about a rider who creates "GPS Art:"


Here's how it works:

So, I'll map out what I'm going to do, and then I'll look at it in satellite view to confirm that there's actually a pathway where I'm trying to go on. In satellite view, I can look for landmarks. Then I start shooting lines, I call it, in the park. I'll be heading in a certain direction and then I'll say, “OK I have to aim at this tree in order to keep this line I'm going for.” I study that out ahead of time, so I'll put notes on the map, reminding myself "OK, you're gonna aim for this tree" or "Don't miss this street." Little things like that.

Despite being an ostensibly creative pursuit, creating GPS art via bicycle is remarkably similar to Fred-dom, right down to the "personal bests:"


What ride was the hardest for you?


I felt great the other day when I finished “Godzilla Versus Mothra.” That was a 22.61-mile ride, my longest ride to date. I expended a lot of mental and physical energy, but when I finished that one it felt really special.

Apparently "Godzilla Versus Mothra" is the Gran Fondo New York of GPS art rides.

There is one crucial difference between a Fred's "training" ride and Lone Wolf''s GPS art ride, which is that there are actually people willing to pay money to look at the latter:


Do you hope to make some money from all of this?


I've put a lot of sweat equity into this. My site is not set up for commerce. It's a complete rookie, flash website. But that could change in the future. I could switch things around and see what I can do in terms of money. I haven't promoted these images for sale, but people have offered me money for them.

I would like the names and email addresses of these people because I have some crayon scribblings I think they'd be really interested in.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see cycling American style.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and happy Father's Day to all you moms out there.


--Wildcat Rock Machine








1) Aging alleycat enthusiast Lucas Brunelle's new movie is called:

--"Line of Sight"
--"Fight or Flight"
--"Load of Crap"
--"Bag of Dicks"








2) According to the LAPD, celebrating "as normal adults do" includes trampling cyclists.

--True
--False






(Not this kind of stamp, but the other kind.)

3) Which of the following is not one of the United States Postal Service's new bicycling stamps?

--"A young child just learning to ride with training wheels"
--"A commuter pedaling to work"
--"A road racer intent on the finish line"
--"A man being trampled by sports fans"







(Well at least they're not getting bike-spewing vaginas.)

4) Residents of Fort Greene, Brooklyn are opposing a bike share docking station because they claim:

--It encourages helmetless cycling
--It is not in keeping with the historic character of their neighborhood
--It is likely users will scratch or ding parked cars with the bicycles
--It attracts an "undesirable element" to the neighbohood







(Trafe)

5) The Hasidic Jews of Williamsburg, Brooklyn are opposing bike share stations because:

--They have not been subject to proper kosher supervision
--Talmudic law prohibits any form of sharing
--It is not in keeping with the historic character of their shtetl
--Hot chicks might ride the bikes naked







6) Left unlocked, how long will a sweet department store mountain bike remain in Brooklyn?

--Less than 30 seconds
--Less than 30 minutes
--Less than an hour
--More than 30 hours








7) According to the inventor of Fredboarding, the sport is superior to cycling because bikes are prone to theft, whereas you can leave your Fredboarding staff in the umbrella stand when you go to the diner for a post-ride spanakopita.

--True
--False




***Special This Blog's Birthday-Themed Bonus Question***




As of this past Wednesday, this blog is officially:

--Two years old
--Four years old
--Six years old
--Who gives a shit?






92 comments:

Anonymous said...

Barnaby cheesecrust Perkins.

Anonymous said...

Cipo!

leogodoy said...

3rd, another podium for Brazil. (nailed the quiz also)

bikesgonewild said...

...rats !!!...

...just sayin'...

singlespeedwaster said...

Can these doors get any earlier? Top ten and I'm barely out of bed.

JB said...

Early morning or late night?

Anonymous said...

Turtle Penis FTW!

Anonymous said...

early doors

middle-aged german tourist

Anonymous said...

Oooh - unexpected top 10!
Happy Birthday, Snob!

RANTWICK said...

No more Minguell for you. Ah well, that could simplify your existence.

You will be a miniminguellist.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Friday at last.

mikeweb said...

Yawn!! What??

Sorry about the poor lead out bgw...

Anonymous said...

Has anybody considered that perhaps Hasidic Jews are afraid not that hot chicks will ride bikes naked, but that ugly chicks will? I mean, seriously, what are the odds that if a woman decides to go for a naked ride she's going to be hot?

mikeweb said...

GPS art:

"The world is my Etch-a-Sketch, bee-atches!!!"

bikesgonewild said...

...sheesh, mikeweb...i think i must a' bought you a cup of decaf...

...unfortunately my bad...

Anonymous said...

Top whatevs

Buffalo Bill said...

I didn't see any bikes in that birthday video. What is this jetskisnobnyc?

mikeweb said...

WCRM,

Thank you so much for that birthday video In the special last question. I really love watching displays of mad Sea-Doo skillz, though there was too much other stuff that kept interrupting the Sea-Doo footage.

theEel said...

weed.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

that bday song is NSFW!

Anonymous said...

The occasional "Fred Ride" by a former Fred is like a drink to a former alcoholic; there is tremendous risk of reverting to a mental state where the focus is on speed and distance. The enlightened rider (sorry BS, I haven't read your book)knows it is truely about time spent on the bike.

g said...

Kickstarter:

Bag of Dicks, The Musical!

Anonymous said...

A 9:23 AM: Well said! Hasidic or not, I would venture to say most men appreciate the beauty of the worthy unclad female form, even if their religious indoctrination prohibits outward expression of such appreciation.

JB said...

Fundamentalist Chubby is my new band name. Now to learn an instrument.

g-roc said...

Glad you explained about Godzilla Mothra thing. Totally didn't see what he was "drawing". Proud to have got the bonus question.

Saw a girl walking to highschool this morning with one pant leg rolled up. Wannabe hipster who thinks it's a fashion statement? Awesome. Looking forward to another clueless trend. Didn't take a picture - that would be pervy.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Did you ride on Flatbush Ave yesterday, near Marine Park golf course?

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Anonymous said...

Weekend panties!

Anonymous said...

Knickers pour le week-end!

crosspalms said...

Godzilla vs. Mothra is awesome.

Likewise unstolen bike guy's quote: "A day-and-a-half without a lock. Come on people, I’m not running a hotel here!"

Anonymous said...

Christianity may be marginally better than being a born-again meth addict. They both involve delusional ideas and sometimes delusional behavior, but in at least some cases (certainly not all cases), the delusions of Christianity are relatively harmless to both the deluded individual and others. It's kind of like believing Andy-my-belly-is-full-of-anger-but-my-pelvis-is-not-Schleck was actually going to pedal his way to a Tour de France win. You can dream, but don't bet the house.

Anonymous said...

Damn, even Frank Schleck beat me here. Top XXX??

Anonymous said...

So if GPS art guy rides across the Brooklyn Bridge, he can finally sell the Brooklyn Bridge--for real, but it's still a sucker's deal.

Captain Hardbread said...

backed ham thinly sliced, deli style ditkas

Liz Hatch said...

The thing about hot chicks is, we rarely ride naked, even on World Naked Bike Ride Day. Sausage everywhere, but the cuter the girl, the more likely she's topless with panties. Take what you can get.

Snow Angel said...

I made some creative stuff in the snow - any takers?

Mario C said...

Eat'n bike spewing pussy...greasier than my hair

leroy said...

Perfect score!

I don't know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Oh well, ride safe all!

Dave said...

Aw, geez, man - if Jose Minguell is jumping ship - I don't know if I can stick too... I mean, it undermines my sense of the Zeitgeist, you know, the existential verities are called into question! What to do, what to do... time to squeeze into my shiny sausage suit and put on my clicky shoes and ride!

justaprole said...

I think Jose was trying to say that your recent posts were interfering with his drug use. He says, "I use to like your critical views..." It sounds like he needs various drugs to like your views, but lately your views only require a downer. He probably has a bunch of extra meth now. I think it's a valid complaint.

Anonymous said...

Ah Liz, you are a woman who understands AND appreciates men, despite our obvious flaws. A hot chick, topless and in panties, riding a bike is way more than we deserve. Thank you for your wisdom and encouragement.

Stupid Name said...

http://grist.org/list/quite-possibly-the-best-bike-for-sale-ad-ever/

almost as funny as bike vaginas.

Nogocyclist said...

Is bike theft really that bad in NYC that they would even steal a big box store bike?

Even in the larger cites of the southeast US, you could leave that bike just about anywhere and could expect it not to be stolen for months at a time. Even if it did get stolen, it would probably get taken by a neighbor kid and you likely could find it wherever they left it when they got through with their joyride.

Down here there is theft, but bicycles are way down at the bottom of the list of items most likely to be stolen.

Фofanov said...

"Bag of dicks" - oh yeah Louie CK reference... Thanks snob, ill foff to dat

mikeweb said...

After lunchtime laps, I can report that CP was fairly idiot and A-hole free today despite the high percentage of tourists on rentals. And now that I'm gone, there's one less of the latter there.

le Correcteur said...

WCRM,
This Sunday, I saw the Lone Wolf with his Lotus in Marina del Rey, California, just south of Venice, CA. If I'd been carrying a camera, I'd have sent you a photo. He was walking his bike, not riding it.

justaprole: You parse tweets well!

WPVelo said...

six years? issat all? HBD2U! hey how much money does a semi-fred-bike-blogger hasta make before it begins to trickle down to the commentariate?

not that i've contributed enough lately to claim a share, but the fullness that is the blog we have here resides partially in the wonderful collection of writers and dogs who post comments. HBD and thanks to yall* too.

*Southern plural pronoun-inclusive of Leroy's pets.

wp

Redbeard said...

FARTY

ATE!


(like a pirate)

Some random cyclist said...

Last night the old lady was painting her fingernails, and being the considerate husband that I am, I asked her "Would you like me to paint your hooves?"

I slept on the couch. I swear that woman has no sense of humor.

I haven't seen her that mad since when we were newlyweds, and I told her that I got laid more when I was single.

Anonymous said...

I mean, seriously, what are the odds that if a woman decides to go for a bike ride she's going to be hot?

JB said...

Lone Wolf: Exactly. Now this is special, too, it's a...look...see...still got the uh...the ol' tagger on it...see...never even ridden it ...see...
Marty: You just bought it and....
Lone Wolf: Don't touch it! Don't touch it! No one...no one...no! Don't touch it.
Marty: Well uh I wasn't...uh I wasn't gonna touch it...I was just pointing at it...I....
Lone Wolf: Well don't point, even.
Marty: Don't even point?
Lone Wolf: No. It can't be ridden...never...I mean I....
Marty: Can I look at it?
Lone Wolf: No. No you've seen enough of that one.

CommieCanuck said...

Middle school science teacher...who the fuck has time to do shit like GPS art?
He must have his class watching YouTube videos with mentos and diet Pepsi all day while he fucks off to pursue his art.

cyclotourist said...

The Reagan trampstamp is known to be an effective form of birth control.

CommieCanuck said...

Sounds like Jose Minguell ran out of weed.

Dude.

The Ghost of Ronald Reagan said...

My son is not gay.

Jose Minguell said...

Don't be a downer!

Thoughts of Liz Hatch give me an upper!

bikesgonewild said...

...hey !!!...i just realized that today, june 15th is 'national lobster day'...

...good lob almighty - we could a' missed it...

DC in Boise said...

@ Wildcat Rock Machine: Can I use the "Bag of Dicks" title for my upcoming edit? I'll basically be riding around at a moderate speed and obeying traffic laws...but I'll soundtrack it with some death metal or something...

@ Liz: I do take what I can get, but given the strength of the female roadies out here, I would get dropped so fast I wouldn't have time to enjoy it.

Anonymous said...

bsnyc sighting

http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/06/15/us-usa-occupy-profile-idUSBRE85E0GI20120615

Anonymous said...

The guy looks looks like BSNYC, is what I mean in the reuters posting: beard, Rapha cycling cap, he bikes

Anonymous said...

Top who gives a scraniated hernia

just not sayin...'

Nebraska Bike Commuter (non DWI edition) said...

So last night we got, like three inches of rain in less than an hour, which is no big deal if you're on the Gulf Coast, but 'round here we start watchin' the river let me tell you; anyways, so the place I commute to by bike every workday gets flooded. At least 2" deep in the whole plant. So I go in and help start to clean up with the rest of our maintenance crew, and after a couple hours of that go home and get an hour and a half of sleep and then get called in again for some boiler troubles (I'm the boiler guy) and spend a couple more hours there and get home in time for a couple hours sleep before I have to get up and do my regular shift; and it's still raining. And there's NO BUS!

Fuck it. I (figuratively) got a Hyundai.

Chef Boyardouche' said...

presenting my newest recipe ...

raw clam on the half-shell ala cross bar

http://teenygirlcrazy.tumblr.com/post/24484486066/fun-on-the-cross-bar

Ln Wf (the minimalist one) said...

U CN SK MY BG PNS ASHLE

googes said...

Awesome setup from New Zealand
http://www.trademe.co.nz/sports/cycling/mountain-bikes/full-suspension/auction-483678904.htm

Mr. Mojo Q. Mothra said...

Mothra ya fook'in slut. Ya left me here alone with 8,741,679 children and no crank or blow. Since you've become a $tar it seems as if I don't know you any more. Yer fook'in Godzilla. I can smell him on your palps beeeatchh! And I fook'in found his fook'in prostetic penis under the bed and his claw marks are all over the bedroom ceiling. Ya Slut! Ya Whore! I know Space Godzilla tore off Godzilla's johnson. I hear he displays it on a plaque mounted above the mantel in the smoking room. DUDEs! Space Godzilla Rules!

Anonymous said...

SHIT GAVE
HAVE GOOD
BDAY SNOB

McFly said...

1} 60 on the quiz.

B)Happy Fathers Day

3) Nice Pode BGW

4) How can we be for certain the turtle is not into golden showers? I have never picked a frog up without it trying to give me one. Maybe it's a reptile thing. Far be it for me to judge which direction the wind blows your scaly Freak Flag.

McFly said...

Wait...upon recalculation you did not pode. It's late. I am tired.

Anonymous said...

adding that tramp stamp pic to my "spanakopita bank"

Free Online Quiz Maker said...

Has anybody regarded that perhaps Hasidic Jewish people are reluctant not that hot women will journey motorbikes exposed, but that unpleasant women will? I mean, seriously, what are the possibilities that if a lady chooses to go for a exposed journey she is going to be hot?

Spence said...

Bikesnob, no disrespect, but what do you know about born again Christians?

McFly said...

There is something fundamentally twisted about shooting a load on Ronald Reagan. I like it. Nancy strikes me a "any position as long as it is missionary" lay anyway.

Fredderick Douche' said...

"what do you know about born again Christians?"


BSnyc is a satirical nondenominational smuggfest that draws in a strange collection of individuals whose common interest is the bicycle and issues and humor concerning same. Please take your Christian issues to the proper forums. Thanx




and weed!

Heh!

Babe Winklemen said...

Once again I have a tremendous surplus of 'Cipo' testosteroni. This testosteroni has been genitcally tested and is certified as genuine 'Cipo Jiuce'.

And it's only $99,999* for a 50 US Gal. Drum. Order now as supplies are unlimited.


*Certified Canadian Gold Maple Leaf coin only.

Anonymous said...

All things considered, that Huffy ad did a pretty good job of explaining the concept of mountain biking to a confused public. Probably it was the ultimate sign that the trend had jumped the shark too.

J. 'The Wad' Holmesdouche' said...

One would only see the 'Ronnie Raygun' tat when entering through the back door now wouldn't they?

Baby Jeebus said...

I walked from Hoboken to Chelsea last night and not only was the water freezing but today me feets is fook'in killing me.

courses in social media said...

nice written

Cipo said...

@$$

Anonymous said...

Happy Father's Day!

Baby J said...

forgots this at the end ...

RIM SHOT!!!

Anonymous said...

Heh heh, just found this...

http://www.thepoke.co.uk/2012/06/15/hipsters-getting-smallpox-to-join-trend-for-18th-century/

hey nonny mouse

Zombie Cyclist said...

The first two paragraphs of this post contain more distilled wisdom than I think I have ever encountered. The Rabbis were wrong, Malachi was not the last prophet.

Anonymous said...

Easy Zombie you got a lil' something on your nose there....

jesus said...

good

GLD said...

good

Cover Design Software said...

good

Salon Coupons said...

nice

Robert said...

Full on nudity is totally against the law right? No need to worry then hacidic jews!

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