This blog will be closed next week.
Actually, it won't technically be closed, since you're free to enter and wander about wherever you'd like. It's just that I won't be updating it, nor will anybody be around to clean the bathrooms. If you're wondering why I'll be gone, the detailed answer is because I have to do some stuff. However, once I've did that stuff I'll be back on Monday, July 9th with regular updates.
Secondingly, speaking of America's Favorite Family Fun Park, this coming week Americans will observe Independence Day. If you're unfamiliar with this holiday, it's a magical time during which we take a break from shooting at each other with guns and instead focus on blowing ourselves up with fireworks:
Actually, the narrator of the above video sounds like he might be Canadian, but almost melting your face off with a Roman candle mounted to a department store bike is still very much in the July 4th spirit.
Thirdsly, tomorrow begins the annual touring of France known as the Tour de France, during which the fastest riders in the world who are not injured, suspended, or incarcerated will compete to win the fabled mayo jawn, which is the second-most coveted prize in cyclesport (the first being an exoneration in a doping investigation). Amazingly, it's now gotten to the point that the favorites are last year's winner Cadel Evans and no year's winner Bradley Wiggins:
("Where the hell did I leave my sunglasses?")
The hopes of an entire nation rest on those sideburns, and it will be sad to watch those hopes slowly sink like a bunch of kittens adrift on a pond in a boat made from construction paper. Of course, if he does win, I'll gladly travel to the UK and publicly eat my hat, but only because that's still vastly preferable to partaking in British cuisine.
And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz, which you'll have a whole extra week to complete. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right then get excited and punch the cat, and if you're wrong you'll see the Shark bike.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and if you must light fireworks please refrain from pointing them directly at your face. I look forward to seeing you again, faces intact, on Monday, July 9th.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
1) Amazingly, the cycling media continues to treat Levi Leipheimer like a serious contender in the Tour de France.
2) Trick Question: Though it briefly visits other nations, the Tour de France takes place almost entirely in which European country?
(Author Martin Amis, abjectly miserable in his brownstone prison.)
3) What is a "good spondee?"
--"Strong. Place. You can’t stress one or the other. Two big stresses.”
--A refreshing chilled beverage sold by 7-11
--British slang meaning "money well spent"
--Australian slang for exceptional fellatio
4) According to Edgar Allan Poe, baptism is a bad spondee.
5) Which of the following is not among the reasons to ride a bike as listed by the AAA?
--"It's a great form of exercise"
--"It's good for the environment"
--"It's fun to ride"
--"It's a good last resort for when your license is suspended or your car is in the shop."
6) "LumaHelm can also:"
--"...visualize heart rate to make other (road) users aware that the helmet wearer is a fragile human being and makes visible to others that the wearer invests physical effort."
--"...emit a series of chirping and whirring noises to alert (the wearer) to danger."
--"...stumulate dopamine receptors in the brain to make the wearer's ride more pleasurable."
--"...let the world know that the rider owns a vast collection of 'Star Wars' memorabilia and has never had a romantic relationship with another human being."
7) The film "Fixed Gear Addis Ababa" is about a rider who, after being forced to walk his fixie up a hill in Ethiopia, experiences the epiphany that he should just grow up and get a bike with derailleurs already.
***Special Trick Bonus Question***
Simply calling something a trick question is sufficient to make it a trick question.