Monday, May 14, 2012

Homeword Bowned: One More Travel Day

Today is the last of many travel days in a whirlwind BRA tour that has taken me everywhere from Hudson Street to Brindisi, Italy.  Very shortly I will scrape myself off of Italy's heel and board the series of planes that will eventually take me home to New York.  Then, it's back to the "easy life" in Brooklyn, by which I mean blogging in sweatpants and with slices of cucumber under each armpit to keep me delightfully cool.

You should try it.

Pending a full report, I will say that until I reached Brindisi, I thought I'd seen it all.  I'd seen a No Bike Day.  I'd seen a Half Bike Day.  I'd even seen a Three-Quarter Bike Day.  But I'd never seen a Full Bike Day.  Indeed, there were those who said a Full Bike Day couldn't be done.  They said it was impossible.  They said we were crazy to even try a Full Bike Day.

But we showed 'em.  We showed 'em good:



Yes, it was a no-holds-barred, tires-in-your-face, silhouetted-mountain-biker-descending-from-the-sky Full Bike Day:



Also, during my visit, I fulfilled many fantasies I didn't even know I had until they were actually coming true.  For example, I finally addressed a high school assembly:


I finally made the Gazzetta del Mezzogiorno:


And I finally spied the legendary Crazy Bike of San Vito dei Normanni:


You're probably wondering: "Was the Crazy Bike actually crazy?"

You're goddamn right it was.  In fact, it was so crazy they had to name it Crazy twice:

Now that's crazy.

In any case, wish me a pleasant flight, or wish me a miserable one as is your wont.  Either way, shortly I will embark, and I look forward to returning home and reoccupying my blogging chair which has been vacant far too often in recent weeks.

Until then, stay crazy.

--Wildcat Rock Machine


94 comments:

NancyBoy said...

podium!

Sandra said...

Second?

Anonymous said...

third! the time zone advantage

ce said...

FULL BIKE

Anonymous said...

Apparently somebody besides Bret is a time traveler

visachris said...

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Anonymous said...

Wu Tang is for the children

Anonymous said...

Morning sir, working to European early time I see.....?

Or buongiorno, even....

hey nonny mouse

stefanoSTRONG said...

greetings from italy!

Ian Large said...

Sorry to hear you're leaving "Yurp" but I hope your trip back Stateside is smooth and filled with as much joy as long-haul flying can be.

And if you do read this comment and it is after your return home, welcome home! :-)

Anonymous said...

Wow. Top 20 and all the crap. Loved hearing about the BRA - look forward to more book, bike and travel related postings. FYI - the ABC TV "dooming" issue in Australia got a big run. May even go national TV follow up. Top work cobber!

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Anonymous said...

How are ads in the top ten? Damn sprinter ads.

Reggie said...

Early! Creepy ads were using HGH.

McFly said...

Real Italy is somewhat unsettling compared to my romantic notions of Italy it appears. Smella Italia.

Anonymous said...

Unlike visachris "I concern" on the only hot girl in the hghschool shot is the one in front of your crotch, unsettling. And what is up with the Mongol Twins in the upper right. (Shudder)

Anonymous said...

Proof that the whole world rides crappy bikes from Taiwan and China

Crazy

mikeweb said...

Slicing up some cucumbers now.

Anonymous said...

Does "Crazy" in Italian translate to "Next"? Makes sense cause people always be sayin' "your next".

leogodoy said...

Vertical video? MY EYES!

Billy said...

Sweet hopping Lob, Snob! I thought even an amateur blogger like you knew to hold the "smarting phone" in landscape when shooting video.

I guess Bike Day was so full it would have broken your camera to try to capture it in its full glory.

Looking forward to your impression of weird bikes and cyclists in Italy.

Billy said...

Anon @ 6:24 AM: and what's with creepy antihero kid staring at the Mongols?

bici pazzesca said...

Amo i pattini!

Anonymous said...

Man, I really want some of that porn. But I feel guilty.

singlespeedwaster said...

Damn, but them doors is early. Some of us have demanding weekends to recuperate from, you know.

McFly said...

I LOVES SHOES, too! but you don't see me ravin' on about it on a T-shirt.

SaddleAmericana said...

between visacrhis and free videos, we're all livin' large: cheap shades and free porn—now all we need is a crazy bike and a ramp made out plywood and cinder blocks, and we're the coolest kids around.

Buffalo Bill said...

I think if I had the wherewithal to visit Italia, I might have arranged to stay a few extra days. I suppose the hard driving work schedule that Mr. Rock Machine adheres to would not allow such dalliances.

Pity.

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Anonymous said...

Panties!

Blog Drafter said...

Typically wonderful Italian piazza scene culminating in a disembodied handshake...excellent video, Snob.

Anonymous said...

That Crazy bike looks like most other non-diamond frames--like someone saw a piece of dried ramen noodle in the trash and said hey, I wonder if you could make a bike frame shaped like this? Turns out you CAN do a lot of shit, but that don't mean it's right. . . .

Marcel Da Chump said...

Wont Crazy Bike.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Cool as a cucumber.

Anonymous said...

True snippet of conversation last night:


Girlfriend: "so what's going on with the Bike Snob these days?"

Me: "Oh, he's in Italy."

DerZoots said...

Recucumbent.

Massage that on your Bent sore recumbent conspiracy theorist.

Cool your hideous cheek welt right down.

Or get lancing. HOT!

Anonymous said...

So, did you meet the Cipo? I mean while you were in Italy. You were to meet the Cipo, no? I, too, would love to meet the Cipo.
Is it true what they say, All roads in Italy lead to Cipo?
No?
Ah, Madonna! Cipo!

Anonymous said...

Yo - cucumber sanwich...or is that a rock machine sanwich?

hillier99 said...

That bike is so crazy, it's standing on it's own without any disembodied assistance. Crazy!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday DAVID BYRNE!!!
and that's how a bill becomes a law!

Chip O'Leany said...

Eating pussy.

Anonymous said...

Is the guy selling fake Oakleys and Ray Bans a sign of the cycleocalypse? Carmaggedon? Being past the the tail end of the dachsund?

M. Cavendish said...

That's the reason we call it a "pushbike".

Tomorrow we're rolling into St. Francis tha Sissy's town!

Anonymous said...

I'm quite sure that's Marko Pantani in white and red kit in the video.

I knew he faked his own death.

grog said...

Happy Trails.
It's cloudy, but you can still take a little ride around Prospect Park. Perhaps get something Italian on the heel of your boot.
WCOM HOME

McFly said...

True Snippet #2:

Me: "So according to a popular cycling blog I think I may be a sex addict."

Wife: "So what's the big deal about that?"

Me: "I love you."

JB said...

C'mon, lay off the high school kids, guys.

Cipo said...

I'm perpetually straight.

But! I must say ...

Mr. Bike Snob NYC is tight ...

extremely tight!

Anonymous said...

Those Italian kids look really hairy.

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Babe Winkleman said...

Marko Pantani's skull and right femur available for purchase. Double DNA certifellated tested and approved.

If you've ever desired to own a piece of 'il pirata' now is the time.

Anonymous said...

That is a fine looking group of high schoolers but why is the Snob holding hands with that fellow to his right? Is that a European thing like the two cheek air smooch?

Anonymous said...

I don't think I saw one helment in the whole video. "Those people" get what the deserve.

Terrence & Phi said...

We feel so sorry for those girl students in the front row. Check lavender V-neck guy: there's a stinky reason people need to lean to the side like that.

Anonymous said...

Guido in the wife-beater looks like his right arm is photo-shopped. I will not have anything original images in my daily serving of Italian.

Anonymous said...

*but original

JB said...

Proof Snobby was in Italy: terrazzo floor!

Dingbat said...

"silhouetted-mountain-biker-IN-PITH-HELMET-descending-from-the-sky."

Fixed that for ya.

Anonymous said...

from the fake sunglass teen porn link above, it appears the italian highschoolers have discovered your blog. nice work wildcat.

Cipo said...

I have recently noted a rather interesting phenominon. When I'm standing I am horizontally stiff. When I lying down I am verically stiff.

My lawyer tells me I have a great intellectual property case against the entire 'carbon bike' advertising industrial complex..

Anonymous said...

without fail, you visit italy and cipo leaves porn links on your blog.

balls®

Z Z Top said...

Dear visachris,

No, thanks.

Anonymous said...

Italian fashion looks similar to Jersey fashion

Anonymous said...

They are "one in the shame".

Anonymous said...

Steve Tilford rode 90 miles and averaged 20.4 mph. The man is a machine.

bikesgonewild said...

...there seems to have been some confusion on my part regarding today's post...

...i was under the impression that i was supposed to order 16 pair of 'cheap sunglasses' to help pay for bsnyc/rtms/wcrm's trip home from italy & that i was required to watch all of the porn videos on offer in order to discern if his visage was featured in any of them (it's not - well, maybe in 3 of 'em but it's obscured)...

...i'd like to request better written directions in the future...

McFly said...

I think it's spelled erections.

Matt said...

How thick or thin must the slices of cucumber be? Should the gherkin be refrigerated first or will this just work?

Nebraska Bike Commuter (non DWI edition) said...

Does Rapha make a special strap to hold the cucumber slices in place?

Nebraska Bike Commuter (non DWI edition) said...

McFly didn't make comment #69. I made comment #69. Suck it.

McFly said...

I don't get it.

McFly said...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>



BIRD BIKE UPDATE! The cardinals are coming in nicely but I am tired of masticating and regurgutating grub worms. I named them Marco, George Strait, Lucifer and Buttercup.

Anonymous said...

mmmm panini

Anonymous said...

Where are the helments! WILL NO ONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?

Merle Haggard said...

I've always been crazy...just don't have a crazy bike.

Waylon said...

Hey, that's my line...

The Daily Cycle said...

Save travels! Don't get on the crazy plane.

Mike D said...

NOOOOOOOOO

Mike D said...

SLEEEEEEEEEEP

ADROCK said...

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leroy said...

Wow, this is so weird. I also have a dream about addressing a high school assembly.

But in my dream, I'm in my underwear, lost my notes and can't remember what I'm supposed to be talking about.

Spence said...

Illuminati!

ce said...

Snob's new nom de blawg:

"Crazy Cat Crazy Machine"

Anonymous said...

Nice meeting in San Vito Mr. Bike Snob from that other American that was there. I think I'm in the video because that music was playing when I arrived.
Jeff

rosecityniner said...

Excellent post!

Anonymous said...

Last!

Anonymous said...

Why on earth would Italians who can't read English or understand your brand of humor want to fly you over there?

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