Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Morning in Portland: The Smells of Smugness

There's nothing quite like waking up in Portland.  This morning, I was roused by the gentle sounds of artisanal cobbling as the sweet smells of Stumptown coffee and smugness wafted in through the window.  (This is much more pleasant than the way I wake up in Brooklyn, which is to the cacophony of trash collection as the itinerant gentleman who lives on my fire escape sings "Daisy Dukes" by the 69 Boyz.)  Then, once I was up, I headed outside to engage in my favorite Portland activity, which is purchasing small items and then insisting that the clerk bag them in plastic for me.

When I returned to my hotel, there was a young woman of maybe 20 standing outside and surrounded by luggage.  She had a fine head of dreadlocks and was dressed like a member of the erstwhile band Babes in Toyland, and she was alternately sucking on a lit cigarette and spitting.  Just then, a well-off-looking gentleman who was almost certainly her father emerged from the hotel and mentioned something about how it was time to leave, to which the Babe muttered an incomprehensibly surly retort, probably along the lines of "Screw you, Dad."

"Oh, no, that's OK!" the father figure replied apologetically. "You can finish your cigarette."

I looked for evidence that I had stumbled onto a "Portlandia" shoot, but then I remembered I was actually in Portland, and that this is just the way it is here.

Speaking of traveling and being spoiled, yesterday I sort of mock-complained about my grueling BRA schedule, and a commenter had this to say:


Anonymous said...


Poor Wildcat. All expenses paid to travel to the West Coast. Ride a bike for an hour, talk to hipster d-bags for another hour, then spend the rest of the day doing nothing.


Sounds rough.


APRIL 9, 2012 4:19 PM

This observation is certainly warranted, but in my own defense I will say the following:

1) To be perfectly fair, I don't spend the rest of the day doing nothing.  Instead, I spend it engaged in the act of air travel, which I shouldn't have to tell you can be rather tedious.  (Especially when you exude that "I'm smuggling contraband in a bodily orifice" vibe as I seem to do.)  Sure, I could be doing nothing if my sponsor Brooks had hooked me up with a sweet luxury tour bus, but despite my cajoling they wouldn't go for it.  I had a good pitch, too--the bus was going to underscore how comfortable Brooks saddles are, and it would have been called "The Taint Talk Express:"


(When the Taint Talk Express rolls into town, the chamfering parties go all night long.)


2) Also, I believe very strongly in complaining, no matter how idyllic or cushy my circumstances may be at any given time.  In fact, I subscribe to the dictum "I complain therefore I am."  This is because the moment you're no longer able to find something to complain about is the moment you become complacent, and the moment you become complacent is the moment you surrender your humanity.  One night you actually go to bed happy, and then the next thing you know you wake up 20 years later and you're living in Portland like some sort of dreadlocked Rip Van Winkle.

Fortunately though, I am a cyclist, and the world of cycling furnishes me with much to complain about. For example, I recently received an email from someone who is looking to raise the sizeable sum of $75,000 in order to fund his enterprise:



"What is this enterprise?," you may be asking if you haven't yet bothered to click on the link.  Well, it's a speaker you put on your handlebars, and the inventor explains it thusly:

Headphones always fall off when you‘re biking, ruining your rhythm and becoming a hazard.  Let SleekSpeak’s wireless technology set you free!  Connect to the speaker via bluetooth with your smartphone or MP3 player and start biking to the beat.  When you are riding with friends you can connect to their SleekSpeaks and become the DJ for your whole crew.

Say what you will about people who ride with headphones, but at least they have the decency to keep their musical preferences to themselves.  On the other hand, if this thing takes off I could find myself subjected to all manner of neutered "indie" warblings emanating from the similarly neutered fixiebike cockpits of Nü-Brooklynites.  Incidentally, if you're wondering how it works, basically it's a "hipster cyst" that makes noise:

If bikes weren't built to have wires, why does his have cable guides?

Anyway, if you're still not convinced, here's the promotional video:



First, we see a rider.  Let's call him "Hilpster A:"


As you can see, "Hilpster A's" earbuds are falling out of his ears, and they eventually get caught in his front wheel:


I admit I've ridden with earbuds before.  Granted, I almost never do it, but on the occasions that I have I've never, ever have I had the problem shown above.  Sure, maybe I have prehensile ears, or maybe I clean them so infrequently that the adhesive properties of my earwax buildup keeps the earbuds securely in my head, but we might also need to consider the possibility that the above rider is uniquely hapless and is probably also the type of person who used to constantly stab himself with a pencil in gradeschool and who still can't use the bathroom without getting his "pants yabbies" caught in his zipper.

Meanwhile, as "Hilpster A" is futzing with the "vintage" Cannondale cyclocross bike he picked up on eBay, "Hilpster B" zips by:


Bobbing his head happily like a davening Rebbe:


Only without the sense of rhythm.

"I love bi-keen," effuses "Hilpster B," and his expression leaves us with no doubt that this is true:


Indeed, if you're only going to put one thing on your cockpit, forget the brake lever and let it be a "Hilpster PA System:"


Also, freeing your ears from headphones leaves more room for pretty flowers and voluminous scarves:


Then, once you get to the park, you can have a soundtrack for your impromptu hilpster photo shoots:


Yes, nobody loves cameras more than hilpsters, and you can't ride a bicycle past a crappy building or a crumbling wall in Brooklyn without finding a hilpster standing in front of it and taking pictures of it with $2,000 worth of photo equipment.  I'm not sure if this is because they're enamored of urban decay, or if they're simply looking for new neighborhoods to gentrify, but I suspect it really doesn't matter because they're both essentially the same thing.

Of course, when they're not photographing urban decay they're simply photographing each other, and there's no ambiguity as to why this is:
Yes, you are awesome.

Really, the only thing hilpsters love more than cameras is hanging stuff from their carabiners, and of course the "Hilpster PA System" lends itself to this application quite well:


So be sure to help the inventor reach his $75,000 goal, so that you can put a gigantic mushy cube on your handlebars instead of being without music for 20 minutes:


Still, I'll readily admit that using your bike as a PA system is far better than using it as a means to justify your own prejudices, as in this cringeworthy opinion piece which was forwarded to me by a reader and which manages to invoke both bike theft and the Trayvon Martin shooting:



Basically, this person's crappy bike gets stolen:

It was a beautiful and sunny day, and I planned to ride my bike around the city. The bike, a sharp silver-blue hybrid from L.L. Bean, was only a year old, but had already taken on great literal and symbolic significance for me. In 2008 I was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, and the chemotherapy caused some nerve damage. The doctor says it will slowly go away but exercise will be a big help.

And despite having no evidence whatsoever, he decides it must be the work of a black person:

The students at Catholic University were on Easter break. That left the neighborhoods around the university. Since the time I was an undergrad at Catholic University in the 1980s, most of the crime that has occurred on campus has come from those neighborhoods, which are predominately black. As sure as it took the D.C. cops forever to get to the parking lot to file a report, I knew that the odds were very high that a black person had taken my bike — maybe one of the kids that had been described.

That's the finest piece of detective work I've seen since Mavic absolved themselves for the R-Sys debacle.  Anyway, after considerable hand-wringing, the victim finally experiences catharsis:

In that moment, I had a change of consciousness. Why was I assuming that the kid who stole my bike was acting out of some terrible pain, as if he had been directly under the lash of Bull Connor? What if he has a car, a nice apartment, a hot girlfriend and good health?


What if he is just a selfish asshole?


I decided that I’m just going to let go of my white guilt. We’re all human, we all experience pain in our lives. And black pain is no different than white pain.

I think we all knew from the beginning of the story that the person who stole the bike was a selfish asshole, and by the end of it we know that the writer is an asshole too.  The only thing we still don't know is what color the bike thief actually was.  But really, that doesn't matter, as long as the guy who lost his L.L. Bean bike doesn't have to give Trayvon Martin the benefit of the doubt anymore.

125 comments:

thegock said...

BATN KILL

wishiwasmerckx said...

Podium?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Guess this time I'll leave some table scraps for the late arrivers...

Anonymous said...

lucky on the podium, unlucky in artisinally crafted homemade goods

Anonymous said...

top ten!

Johann Rissik said...

In the numbers today.

singlespeedwaster said...

Top ten panache!

theEel said...

WEED!!!

Anonymous said...

HILP STER

Paul Bowen said...

In other news: Derny racing is insane, also insanely fun to watch - go and see some if you get chance.

Jasper said...

Early doors - ish

somesmugdude said...

of COURSE you like to complain. a NYC Jew that doesn't complain is like lox without cream cheese.

Marcel Da Chump said...

The wack hilpster beatbox.

Marcel Da Chump said...

The wack hilpster beatbox.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Oops, double wack.

Paul Bowen said...

That guy in the football outfit on the front - why has he got tiny underpants on his chin?

Buffalo Bill said...

I bet that speaker sounds awesome. I have one word for you: bluetooth headphones...
Wait, ok, two words: stereo bluetooth headphones,
Ok, three words..

Anonymous said...

Bloated post for a travel day.
Kudos!

Now to check the qualitay...

shaun said...

erm... there already are speakers for bikes. Wireless ones that go on your handlebars or in your bottle cage. Or, if you're serious about it, you can get motorcycle amplifier + speakers + a rechargeable battery and annoy everyone on the block.

samh said...

20 minutes without music? GASP!

McFly said...

No legs today

Anonymous said...

Wearing headphones on bikes is daft.

hey nonny mouse

Anonymous said...

Google just reported an enormous spike in searches for the word "davening".

Careful Snob, you don't to break the interweb.

Or do you....?

Dennis Hopper said...

Don't forget to put food on the Hoppers table

Anonymous said...

I think hipsters pose in front of urban decay so they can prove to themselves they have triumphed from their sheltered, privileged, suburban upbringings.

Anonymous said...

"Then, once you get to the park, you can have a soundtrack for your impromptu hilpster photo shoots:"

Hey now, don't be mocking the Instagram. It just made some prick in the Bay area a cool 400 million dollars.

When's the BSNYC app finally drop?

McFly said...

Steve Tilford says Boonen probably dopes even if he doesn't dope so it's all null and void. That Tilford, he's a real hardass.

Anonymous said...

trayvon sells cartoon balloons in town

Anonymous said...

I don't know if black pain is different from white pain, but I do know this:

I just finished re-caulking the tub in the guest bathroom, and I discovered that the myth is true -- black caulk is bigger!

Anonymous said...

My brain's in knots after reading that DC Opinion piece.

I guess I don't possess half the bona fides needed to parse that moebius strip of rationalization.

So I'm going to forget I ever read it. There. Back to nroaml.

CommieCanuck said...

I found out similar mythic conclusions from our daisy yellow bathroom caulk.

CommieCanuck said...

I found out similar mythic conclusions from our daisy yellow bathroom caulk.

Anonymous said...

Fucking Califorinians make me puke in my mouth. I have a $25 speaker for those epic mid-ride, wednesday weedified, safety breaks. I don't need that kid's bullshit... It's like these artfucks never bothered to see if a suitably adaptable option already existed.

CommieCanuck said...

You know who thinks air travel is glamorous? People who don't air travel.

Planes suck, after contorting into a seat designed by the same people who designed the chairs at Guantanamo bay, you get to sit beside the obese asshole in dirty flip-flops for 5 hours who brought his own sandwich that smells like fermented St. Patrick's day puke.

Upon landing, you get to watch some woman in big glasses try to wrestle her oversized bag of shit, invariably striking you in the head, then get elbowed by the German tourist who has to be first to "deplane", so he can wait at the luggage carousel.

Then there's always that one guy in the one bathroom for over half the flight. I don't want to know what is going on, but there are no detectors for foffing off.

Even better on US airlines, which are now flying museums of cathode-ray tube TVs, where they force you to watch "Everyone Loves Raymond", meanwhile, pretty sure first class gets porn, that's why they have the curtains and warm towels.

Anonymous said...

Oh man,
That was a really good wrap up.

It's always bi-keen with the kickstarter people.


Scrantusoreasswrecked. :-|

All The Black People In Portland said...

know it's not a 'crappy building' or graffiti it's 'urban exploration' and 'street art.'

Thankfully, hilpsters are still a minority in Brooklyn, even if they consume 90% of the borough's internet.

Where's my Nikon? Where's my Pocketcam? Where's my Iphone? Where's my Mercier? Where's my 'Twitter 'stream'? Etc ad nauseum vomit vomit vomit

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

dudes,

a company that made them is already out of business...

http://tinyurl.com/m34yn5

...good thing I bought two!

zoomer said...

Woke up to the smell of oak pollen w/just a hint of smugness.
Sneezed my instant coffee powder all over my spacious garage apt.

Scranus!

oh, and artisanal WeedPanties.

crosspalms said...

Marcel,
I think a double wack is called a paddywack. Leroy's dog would probably know

g-roc said...

The guy's wearing a helmet. He could skip the speakers and wear his helmet straps over his earbud cords. Nevermind the fact they make earbuds with hooks that wrap around your ears. But then, if you want to run away with $75k of Kickstarter-suckers money, you gotta use a proven concept and get all Knoggy about it.

CommieCanuck said...

You just know that speaker sounds awesome.

NOFI DLTY

CommieCanuck said...

"Since the time I was an undergrad at Catholic University in the 1980s... I knew that the odds were very high that a black person had taken my bike."

Talk about negative stereotypes..I'm pretty sure this was written by a pedophile.

Anonymous said...

Wow, talk about your rationalization of race relations via bike theft. What a complete douche.

crosspalms said...

It sucks to lose a bike, so it's too bad the guy who parked his bike ON HIS CAR had his bike stolen. But Peter Cook (on the Great Train Robbery) was smarter: "We believe this to be the work of thieves, and I'll tell you why. The whole pattern is very reminiscent of past robberies where we have found thieves to be involved. The tell-tale loss of property — that's one of the signs we look for."

bob said...

Yeah yeah, but I just read a , "google translator", from Dutch, story on Velo news. It was REALLY funny.

Anonymous said...

Scranus guilt.




balls™

McFly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Marcel Da Chump said...

crosspalms,
this old man is rolling home.

mikeweb said...

I can't wait to see a woman riding a bike with a SleekSpeak so that I can ask her how there's such beautiful music coming out of her pink box.

RudeGirl said...

Descending from ancient Brooklyn stock as I do, I also suscribe to the same dictum as you, known in the Old Tongue as "I kvetch therefore I am." Anything else would be complacent indeed. About that jerk who got his bike stolen: I wouldn't normally say this but I hope someone is truly enjoying their new ride.

Billy said...

Great post from Portland, Snob. The Stumptown-scented air must agree with you.

leroy said...

It's possible that the dreadlocked daughter was in town with her father for accepted students day at Reed.

Cutting the cord can be difficult when the one you love can't be trusted near sharp objects.

As for musical situations, if I need a soundtrack while riding, I whistle.

I've been stuck on Beethoven's "Ode to Joy," and The Kinks' "Apeman."

Doesn't cost anything and really annoys my dog.

"I think I'm so educated and I'm so civilized 'cos I'm a strict vegetarian.
But with the over-population and inflation and starvation and the crazy politicians,
I don't feel safe in this world no more,
I don't want to die in a nuclear war,
I want to sail away to a distant shore,
and make like an apeman."

Quilled and Lugged said...

Oh dear, is that 'you are awesome' picture Dolores Park? I spy fog and palm trees... and if it isn't it might as well be. Place is littered with scenes like this. Why don't these people have jobs???

McFly said...

MikeWeb+1

Babe Winkleman said...

I have a small quantity of 1st quality 'human jerky*' available for purchase. If you are interested contact me.


*mostly Afghani with some Pakistani and Turkamen mixed in.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I'm gonna wait for the Bose handlebar system.

Jasper said...

Ooh, something new in the Rapha line. Somewhat cheaper than just about anything else they sell, but also more pointless than just about anything else they sell. And that is saying something. But they are 'aromatic' - though I'm sure the yak shoes have a particular odour of their own:

http://www.rapha.cc/rapha-shoe-trees

Recumbabe's #1 stalker said...

Snob! Where have you hidden 'Recumbabe' ????

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Good question Stalker. I've nearly forgot what they-ah-um-I mean she looks like.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

That was probably just the dread chick and her sugar-daddy outside the hotel. You know after a long weekend the generational gap can cause the couple to become testy with each other. Especially later in the relationship when the excitement wears off and her childish mannerisms become more glaring.

Quilled and Lugged said...

@RCT - you mean your recumbent didn't come with fitted surround-sound under the seat? Pish and tush.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I can't wait to hear about the chamfering party once you get over to Jolly old England.

Piskian said...

I reckon the thief was an American.Cos capita;isma dn materialism and possessionalism be an American disease like...

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

@quilled -Good call maybe two of these hilpster PA cysts one on each side of my seat back will give me that awsome surround!

Nebraska Bike Commuter (non DWI edition) said...

@crosspalms

Haven't thought of that one in years. Thanks for jogging the memory.

Anonymous said...

I have a sweet and touching bike theft story from a nearby DC neighborhood. An old Bianchi I had raced on as a junior was stolen while under the care of my sister who used it to commute from her home next to Howard University to work down by the capitol. Next day, one of the neighborhood kids (and I mean kid as in elementary school) asked her, "Hey, did your bike get stolen? Blue bike, yeah?"

"Yup."

A couple days later, the kid produced a blue bike for her... only not the old Bianchi. My sister thanked him but insisted she couldn't take the bike. Some months later she did come across some old codger riding the Bianchi around town. She accosted him and eventually he parted with it for $20.

Nebraska Bike Commuter (non DWI edition) said...

Oopsy... messed up the link

bikesgonewild said...

...lotta good smiles here today but it was mikeweb's comment that made me laugh out loud...

Anonymous said...

Great, now someone just needs to figure a way for everyone to smell hipsters and complete a total sensuous experience that we can all just roll around in like cat-nip.

mikeweb said...

@bgw & McFly,

Thanks! I think I was inspired by the first veloci-femme 'T-back' sighting of Springtime as I was riding across the Manhattan bridge this a.m. And high quality goods at that.

McFly said...

The Good news: Babe Winkelman's tears cures non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma.


The Bad news: Babe WInkelman never cries.

Anonymous said...

@anon 1125;
1/8 merkins is calfornin.

Anonymous said...

"....my favorite Portland activity, which is purchasing small items and then insisting that the clerk bag them in plastic for me."

False, plastic bags have been banned in Portland...

crosspalms said...

Nebrasa Bike Commuter
Thanks for the link -- what fun! I haven't seen it before, only heard the recording. Cook was amazing.

Dooth said...

oh, Anon 5:20

is there an irony ban Portland?

Anonymous said...

I wonder if someone has invented a way to power that speaker solely through the power that the rider generates...hey, that's a great idea, some kind of "generator"...wow, did I really just think of that?

bikesgonewild said...

..."...basically it's a "hipster cyst" that makes noise:"...

...couple a' knog blinkies & you just made the disco bike trailer guys who show up at any cycling event totally invalid...

crosspalms said...

anon 5:29,
If that thing of yours can power the speakers, maybe it could do the lights, too. That'd be great

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 2:15 with the bathtub caulk wins the internets.

Anonymous said...

There is as super racist youtube video on catching a bike thief.

This castrato sounding redneck in newport beach booby traps a bmx bike, leaves it unlocked by the beach to no effect.

He then goes to Compton, parks the bike outside a liquor store, and films the resulting scene.

Downtown Hotel said...

1) The guy who wrote about getting his bike stolen is a gleefully consistent and notorious racist. Probably a boyfucker, too. Go read just about anything else he's written, and try keep your happy mood on. Ugh.

2) I *always* ride with my earbuds in, and I *never* have the music on. (Really, at anywhere near 20mph and up, the wind is so loud you'd have to have the tunes up at ear-destroying volume to hear it, so what's the point?) But I'm on call 24/7 from my Very Important Job (lol), so I need to hear the ringtone somehow, even at 20+ mph. So the 'buds stay in so I can hear the ringtone.

3) Helpful consumer tip: Yurbuds™ brand form-fitting earbuds are *completely* worthless on a bike. Somehow, they make the roar of the wind LOUDER, even though they completely fill and block the ear canal. Too bad, because the sound quality on them when you are motionless is pretty darn good.

Glen T said...

If the kickstarter ever gets up some Chinese factory will go 'ah ha' and churn out a few million copies, with a TV screen included. They'll sell them to bogan cyclists by the bucketload for 1.99ea, since bogans can't be more than ten metres from a screen for more than ten minutes.

Then a US firm will go 'ah ha' and their Chinese factory will churn out hundreds of thousands of touchscreen copies which attach via Bluetooth to the iPhone. They'll sell them by the elegantly-boxed bagful to hipster cyclists for $199ea because they can't be more than one metre from a touchscreen for more than one minute.

Anonymous said...

Huh?

Anonymous said...

WTF is a BRA ride?

Anonymous said...

Earbuds that NEVER fall off, even while mtbiking: the earhooks.

Like this pair (for example):
http://www.amazon.com/Philips-Flexible-Headphones-SHS3200-28/dp/B003CJTR82

Only a few bucks less than $75k...

McFly said...

Anon @ 7:00,
BSNYC is such a chick(en) magnet that when he does a bike related appearance a bunch of MILF shows up in denim mini-skirts and BRA's on. Panties optional.

Anonymous said...

just trying to hit triple digits.

Hirsute said...

Really elegant today. I was really going that the comments would rise to a higher level to match. But check out this drivel.

Portland Dreadlock Lobby Girl said...

Will someone explain to me how I ended up with all these packing peanuts in my panties?

Danger Dave said...

I always zip tie a small clip where the two ear buds turn into one (Only use the right ear and tuck the other one into your jersey, unless you ride shirtless like BS) and put your device in your jersey rear pocket, snake your wire up the back and clip it on your back collar. No ear tension tht way.

Jasper said...

@Hirsute,

For something more erudite, do follow the link to Peter Cook and Alan Bennett by the Nebraska Bike Commuter @4:45. Cut glass accents to boot.

JDH said...

Suck it, Portland! Smuggery and artisanalism is coming to the Midwest!http://www.connecttristates.com/news/story.aspx?id=738187#.T4TMxNmKVac now to open the fixie bicycling shop.

Anonymous said...

Do you feel that thieves are responsible? Why no theives are totally irresponsible, they are thieves...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (way to class up the joint Nebraska)

Anonymous said...

Seriously, does anyone know WTF a BRA ride is.

Babe Winkleman said...

I have several fairly recent shrunken human heads that make dynamite handle bar hangie thingies. Real attention getters. Each with it's own completely unique mini turban.

screaming skull said...

Thank Lob I didn't go to Catholic U. !

JB said...

It's when you stick your thingy in between the BRA and things until things happen. That's a BRA ride.

McFly said...

Anon 8:34,
OK, look my man...when BS does a Book Related Appearance it's basically a dork version of girls gone wild except it's mostly dudes. So it's a bunch of BRA's..like a slang of bro's.

Anonymous said...

Insert 'you.'

Poppa Wheelie said...

BRA Insertion!

Anonymous said...

I am the Anon who left the comment yesterday, quoted in the post today. What can I say? I like hating on things. You write a blog like this, you get comments like that. What's that they say 'bout getting fleas from lying with dogs while simultaneously poo'ing where you eat?

In some strange karmic-PDX stream, revenge is yours today Wildcat. I don't use that rubber-douche box on Kickstarter, but I am a broadcasting, two-wheeled Brooklynite with a Monster HD strapped to the 'pit with an improvised velcro-green tofu container "Smugg Box". I ride for over two hours a day---it's nice to have some music +/or baseball or whatever going on and headphones are unsafe and don't sound good. I can't tell how much people around me hear or don't hear my little douche-rig. I don't mean to make a spectacle of myself.

I feel like this is an innocent behavior. Why the mock?

Cipo said...

OHHHHHHHH SSSSSSSSnaPPPP THINGS JUST GOT SERIOUS! (panties) That BRA insertion sex is a load(heehee) of crap....you get that out of the way, lube them girls and PEARL NECKLACE...SHE WORE A PEARL NECKLACE..(the guy above seems upset)

McFly said...

I can't believe the phrase "I am the anon" did not become convoluted and fold in on itself....

Nebraska Bike Commuter (non DWI edition) said...

Crosspalms brought up that skit to begin with, so thank him. I happened to recognize it immediately, having been brought up on Beyond the Fringe records and The Goon Show on public radio.

If it weren't for British humour, I may have ended up a NASCAR idiot instead of a bi-keen idiot.

Anonymous said...

Check out Bike Butterfly.com.

leroy said...

Anon 7:19 --

My dog says none of his friends would patronize an establishment with fleas and no restrooms.

He also insists on a decent wine cellar, preferably with a few vintage Montrachets.

Me, I just look for a Chik-fil-A.

Anonymous said...

I have been getting in some good shape these days but have some questions about a few things.

I am a heavy guy and have been having some problems with my nether region.
I have a gel saddle with the split, but it still hurts just behind my b**** and my a**.
I tried a few things on my own like talcum powder and vasoline but they didnt help at all.
I oerderd some stuff called DZ nuts but the insides of my legs are shaffed and it burns like hell.

A friend recommended KY jelly. Do bikers use KY jelly? It seems kind of weird to me. I guess I dont want people thinking I am a homo when I go to the check out.
Any insight would be appreciated.
Walter

bikesgonewild said...

...leroy...how's your brother (elroy ???) doing ???...

...the two days after any kinda bang-up are the worst...hoping he's feeling okay...

Anonymous said...

A few points:

I find it easier to pretend racism doesn't exist. That way I can choose to blame colored folks for more than their fair share of things. (Jk)

There is yet another kickstarter bike entrepeneurship about a bike seat that is to connects to the eyelets for the rear rack. Loosely connected to that one so I had to steer them away from this blog-

I currently go to a catholic u that is not, what I assume, georgetown, the caholic u of el racist. I wonder now whether catholic u's associated now with racism.

"The sweet lob giveth rain, and he soaketh our smugness, creating thus rivulets of exasperation thinly veiled."

ce said...

Cathoholics Anonymous

Eddie Jerckx said...

Anon 11:24,
This is what the Pro's in Europe use....http://www.jensonusa.com/Sunscreen-and-Skincare/DZ-Inheat-Embrocation

ashcroftchops said...

I once had a bicycle stolen and I know for certain it was taken by a male/female/transsexual black, white, brown, pinkybluegreen person from the local neighbourhood. The police weren't interested though..... Bastards!

Rick Pitino said...

My motorcycle accident really is a freak ordeal because the MAJORITY of the time I am behind her.

Anonymous said...

So, what you're saying is duct taping a boom box to one's handlebars is out? I'm so behind the times.

cycle

RON said...

on the topic of the music producing hipster cysts, take note: there is already a similar, but FAR MORE IMPRESSIVE device called the "turntable rider" which enables you to turn your bike into a turntable (or some shit like that). check it: www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8Rf2vZqiSg.

seems to be developed for BMX bikes, so i'm sure it's perfect for any FGS.

Invisible Man said...

I too, Bike Snob, was mildly tempted to chide you about complaining about being on your book tour. The blogger, however, tends to get the last laugh, so I applied the brakes and pedalled, as it were, in another direction.

All I will say is that there are some cycle bloggers out there in the big world who would love to be already going on a tour - including enduring the longeurs of air travel - to promote our second book.

Yours as a fellow Surly owner,
Invisible,
http://invisiblevisibleman.blogspot.co.uk/

Kenneth Trueman said...

The guy who wrote the opinion piece forgot to mention the preternatural attraction (developed in the womb!) between black people and L.L. Bean. This is why when you visit the store in Freeport, Maine, you wonder if you didn't stop in at a hip-hop concert by mistake...

richard f said...

Nice post. thanks to share. I'm gonna wait for the Bose handlebar system.

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Anonymous said...

Speaking of Babes in Toyland, Kat Bjelland is from the Big O. She met close, personal friend Courtney Love while living in Portland.

Banners Vancouver said...

Great post, really enjoyed it!

Robert said...

Well that project ain't getting done.

Anonymous said...

nice posting.. thanks for sharing.

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