Monday, April 9, 2012

Priorities: Physically Fit, Mentally Unfit

No sooner have I returned home than I must set out again on Leg II of The Wildcat Rock Machine "Enlightened Cyclist" World Annoyance Tour, or whatever it's called, and to be perfectly honest I'm somewhat tempted to play "hooky" and stay home instead.  This is because I'm something of a homebody--or, more accurately, I'm a rare type of shut-in who only makes an exception for bicycle cycling.  However, my tour is being sponsored by Brooks England LTD., and as you may know, they employ a "bloke" by the name of Eric "The Chamferer" Murray:


Well, as it happens, Eric "came 'round for tea" this past weekend, by which I mean he placed his chamfering knife to my throat and uttered words to the effect of "Finish the tour or Ima fucking kill you."  This changed my outlook considerably, and in a few short hours I will be sealing myself in a bike box under Eric's watchful eyes and then sending myself via UPS to Portland, OR, where I will be at the following places at the following times:

PORTLAND (OR)
Tuesday, April 10
6:00pm ride
916 NW 21st Avenue
Portland, Oregon 97209
(503) 222-2851

7:30pm talk and booksigning
Powell's City of Books
1005 W Burnside
Portland, OR 97209
(503) 228-4651

I hope you will join me, if only to help me pick the packing peanuts off of myself.  Then, after that, it's on to the following cities:

Seattle
Vancouver
San Francisco
Los Angeles

You can find additional details here.  Also, my gruelling touring schedule will have the unavoidable consequence of impacting my blogular posting schedule, but I will do my very best to keep you apprised ahead of time as to when I will or won't be able to type words into this thing.  Also, I implore you to follow my Twitter, only because I'm liable to get lost or confused in these strange cities and I may need to reach out to "the Twitteroni" for assistance and/or bail money.

Speaking of being a homebody, this past weekend I found myself at home and in front of my television, and so I was able to watch the Paris-Roubaix bicycle race.  Paris-Roubaix is of course the one that's really bumpy, and it was won by somebody named Thomas Booning.  Booning won with "panache," which is the French cycling term for doing that really cool "leaning on your forearms during a solo breakaway" thing:


Pro tip: if you want to pull off this look while on the bike, just pretend you're browsing the Nashbar catalog in the bathroom while experiencing a slightly uncomfortable "movement."

Also, if you watched the race on NBC Sports Network (previously Versus, née OLN), this is pretty much all you saw, because they began their coverage well after Booning made his decisive move.  While it's tempting to criticize NBC for sparing us from any extraneous racing drama that didn't consist of Booning simply riding all by himself, at least they had the courtesy to stick with him all the way to the finish, and this says a lot about the network's dedication to cycling.  Sure, Paris-Roubaix may be the Queen of the Classics, but as far as most Americans are concerned it's really just that girly thing that's on before "Babe Winkelman's Outdoor Secrets."


I'm not sure what kinds of secrets Babe Winkelman actually shares on his show because I didn't stick around to watch it, but I'm guessing it's stuff like this:


("Pssst!  If you shoot an animal in a vital organ, chances are pretty good that it's going to die.")

My rudimentary understanding of TV programming is that one show is supposed to lead the audience into another, but I suspect there's about as much audience crossover between Paris-Roubaix and "Babe Winkelman's Outdoor Secrets" as there is between "Californication" and reruns of "The Golden Girls."

By the way, if you want to practice your "panache" in the bathroom and you don't have a Nashbar catalog handy (which is highly unlikely if you're a cyclist, since merely thinking about riding a bike is enough to land you on their mailing list), you can always use an issue of "Bicycling" instead:


(Disembodied foot thumbing toeing through the latest issue of "Bicycling.")

"What's your ideal cycling weight?," asks the article above, and then invites you to find out by using various "self-assessment" formulas like these:


("Ooh, homework!")

Now, it may very well be true that "Every extra pound you carry above your ideal weight makes you 15 to 20 seconds slower for each mile of a climb" as the article claims, it's also true that the typical cyclist reading "Bicycling" on the toilet has about as much to gain from losing a little bit of weight as someone with $14 in the bank has to gain from switching to an account with a slightly higher interest rate.  Really, if your cycling life is somehow not complete without taking written tests, you're probably just better off riding your bike and then taking a practice GRE.  At least then you can enjoy your dinner.

Meanwhile, on a more serious note, if you've been wondering why drivers in New York City who kill cyclists almost never get in trouble, here's your answer:


As you may have suspected, it's because "society" says that the right to drive is more important than the right to remain alive:

We as a society have chosen to drive these big cars,” said  Joe McCormack, an assistant District Attorney for the Bronx. It’s his job to prosecute traffic crimes.  “And we also as a society have chosen not to criminalize every single small mistake that just has a dramatic consequence because your driving a car,” he said.

Now, this doesn't mean it's impossible to get in trouble for killing a cyclist with your car.  It just means you have to be doing a whole lot of illegal crap all at once:

In a 2009 case, a driver who had just sold heroin to an undercover officer was fleeing the scene when he struck and killed a cyclist. He was sentenced to seven-and-a-half to 15 years.

Now that's multitasking.

However, killing someone while breaking only one law simply isn't enough, even if that law exists to keep people from being killed:

“There are times where the factual situation that is presented to us doesn’t rise to a crime,” McCormack said. “And it’s important to realize that the reason it doesn’t rise to a crime is that society has made that decision that it doesn’t want it to be a crime.”

This confirms something I've long suspected, which is that "society" is mentally unfit and really shouldn't be allowed to make decisions.

And if this weren't bad enough, a reader has informed me of this bicycle:


Not only is it a total Nü-Fred dream chariot:


But it's also "breaking necks all over nyc:"

Custom Cervelo P3 size 58. It’s in great condition and has no dents or dings, custom paint job in lexus starfire white pearl (color code 077 profesionally applied). This is a one of a kind bike, currently breaking necks all over nyc, bid now and you can enjoy it in your city.

As Grant Petersen would surely tell you, if you're bike's breaking necks, you might want to go with a taller stem.

111 comments:

McFly said...

WTF

McFly said...

Nailed it

McFly said...

Boonen Style

Anonymous said...

artisanal scranus!

balls™

Jasper said...

Early doors

Kenny said...

I'm listening to Hector Berlioz's Fantastic Symphony.

Talk about truth in advertising!

Jasper said...

Props McFly, who would have thought you had it in you.

Dan said...

fuck it. I leased a Hyundai.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Toppus tennus...

Anonymous said...

top 10?if so, y'all suckas.

Anonymous said...

why, because i read the entire post....

Anonymous said...

Just when I wasn't lookin..poT neT

Gibson P. Haynes said...

I saw an X-ray of a girl passing gas

McFly said...

Thanks Jasper,
I want to apologize for taking all three steps on the podium but when I held the famed cobble/dell monitor aloft in victory (it weighs 1087 kg) my knees buckled and I had to place one foot on the second step and the other one the third.

mr. Wookie said...

peak elk scranus

Keith Earickson said...

I've always wanted a bike that resembled a medical instrument.

singlespeedwaster said...

Waiting, poised and ready, for endless hours, and still I get to lick the pelotonic scranus

Anonymous said...

I too am in quite a spot of bother about the priority level and coverage provided by NBC sports.

Society said...

NippleScranus

Buffalo Bill said...

your, you're, yore...
I'm assuming yore just messing with us snob, cause that assistant DA guy couldn't have got it wrong, wright?

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

it is the ugly and unsightliness of it which causes the breaking of the necks....

...as well as the blinding of the eyes

JB said...

Is it me, or is the cockpit of that Cervelo all screwy-like?

Anonymous said...

ERIC NIFE

BOON DOPE

IDEAL WAIT

CARC RIME

LEXU SHIT

Anonymous said...

I laughed at the post. Then it made me sad. Damn you Snob! Toying with my emotions. Do you think it's easy being a caring member of society? I suppose some would say "just HTFU. Death beneath the wheels happens."

Sad. It really is sad.

I too, rarely leave my romm except for riding my bike. I figure when I'm crushed and killed by those inevitable wheels, it will be less tragic this way. They'll say," He died doing what he loved."
But they will be wrong. I just liked bike riding.

Cipo said...

I am professionally applying some white pearl as we speak.....

David said...

Panties!

Anonymous said...

Hey Snob if you guys were complete losers like me you would have seen where they showed the race from 100K out at 6 pm. Tom was ridin around eating and smiling and junk. Smiling like a hyena that's about to steal a carcus from a bunch of vultures.

chester_cheetah_cheese said...

Buffalo Bill,

I *hope* it was the reporter who screwed the your/you're up.

Thank Lob I don't pay for TV. Did Phil let the cat amongst the pigeons? Did Phil and Paul waxing poetic about how Boonen is not fit to polish Lance Armstrong's shoes? Yeah, that's worth every penny I spend on it.

That Europecar 2nd place was awesome!

ploeg said...

In a 2009 case, a driver who had just sold heroin to an undercover officer was fleeing the scene when he struck and killed a cyclist. He was sentenced to seven-and-a-half to 15 years.

Of course, the sentence was for selling heroin. You can't coddle these drug dealers.

Anonymous said...

By 2 mm

Anonymous said...

according to the bicycling article i should weigh 162 lbs at 6'-5". that shit aint right.

Hank Moody said...

I have nothing against older ladies, provided they cook nice weed cookies, blow me without their dentures, and let me ride hammered

Jimbo! said...

I was petting me trouser yabbie in the loo and got starfire white pearl all over my nashbar catalog.

Anonymous said...

There is an aincent chinese saying that goes something like this:

"if there is common sense observation, and a district attorney doesn't utter it, does it really exist?"

Anonymous said...

I like the "boobies" sticker on the cervelo otherwise it's not a very attractive bike.

Anonymous said...

looking forward to enjoying your latest tome. Have you read it? I hear it's good.

Anonymous said...

i got nuthin'

balls®

Anonymous said...

Read this while practicing my ”panache”

DerZoots said...

Fooken Pantiesez

mikeweb said...

McFly,

Something tells me your celebration for today's po-domination will involve Lexus starfire white pearl. Professionally applied, a la Cipo.

Anonymous said...

Painties complaints department.

Stop it.
You are so irksome with your inane postings.

Jens Voigt said...

Where's the sign-in? Did I miss it? Bite me, you know I'm here. Goa a problem with that, bitches?

ken e. said...

yay, vancouver! word to murray and his mum!

Bobby said...

Damn, missed the podium again, and it's my day off too. I second what Jens said.

Anonymous said...

Hey Tim Howzitgoin?

Bobby said...

Damn, missed the podium again, and it's my day off too. I second what Jens said.

zoomer said...

Top Fitty!!

and I stopped to butcher an elk with my leased lexus!

Scranus!

oh, and white pearl WeedPanties

Billy said...

I don't understand why that Cervelo has brakes.

Enjoy your West Coast cycling! I had an awkward experience on a charity ride in Boston. I was having a nice chat with an older fellow about 10 miles out from the finish, and he started telling me about his San Fran cycling experience. He ran a red light and some other dude on a bicycle chased him down and harangued him for running the light and how he was "ruining it for everyone". I was tired and afraid of confrontation (dude's beard was epic) and just nodded politely, but I was thinking the whole time "dude, you *are* ruining it for everyone! Just stop for the light and spend some time picking nits out of that huge beard."

I also rented a bicycle while I was in Vancouver for a conference and had a great time riding in their "temporary" cycle tracks that somehow never went away after the Olympics. I also love their "neighborways" that aren't through-streets for cars but are for bicycles and pedestrians and parallel the main streets. It would be pretty sweet to go back with a travel chariot instead of a poorly adjusted rental hybrid. I had to take it back to the shop and ask for toe clips, because it was making me nervous to ride on bare platforms. I had to buy some knog blinkies (which are like $1000 in Canada, stupid exchange rate) because the rental had no lights and I was keeping it for three days.

On the sadder topic of the sad joke that is traffic enforcement in America, civil suits are the future. Possibly also vigilante justice. I'm afraid I'll be the one going to prison if some asshole motorist hits my wife while we're out riding together. Ever since I discovered that u-locks make a decent improvised weapon, the temptation to give in and beat some sense into (or at least some brains out of) the skulls of my fellow road users has been lurking in the back of my mind. I suppose you might call it the "dark age" cyclist as opposed to an "enlightened" one.

baby jeebus said...

I will not be in the office Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday.

I will be in Friday at a time yet to be determined.


PS - Is the wall mounted first aid kit fully stocked? If no then please restock by Thursday. ThanX

Babe Winkelman said...

All You Haters Suck My External Organ

Joey Mc said...

Laughing so hard. Thanks for the great read. If you don't come to Monterey Ca on your next BRA "Ima fu%&ing kill ya"

Skeeter said...

OHHHHHHHHH you muurfuckers done went and done it now, youins done went and done pissed the Babe off. He gone put a lead benedryl in your smartasses from 3000 yards out and it gonna be nighty nite time.

Anonymous said...

I have been watching "bike culture" videos from Copenhagen and Amsterdam and am impressed with how courtious and willing to follow the rules of the road that motorists AND bicyclist are in these two cities. I wonder how they got that way? It probably helped that they were not from NYC.

Anonymous said...

Booning is wearing his glasses under his helmet strap. Fucking amateur.

mikeweb said...

WCRM,

You're smart to do as Eric asks. I hear he did a hitch in the joint for 'champfering' a couple other bicycling 'scribblers' as he calls them.

After that they just said 'bollocks', and went ahead and gave him '00' designation.

Anonymous said...

Breaking necks... and raping the taint of anyone who rides it, judging by the saddle's angle.

Doucheworthy Douchington said...

We kid Cipo

Check out his Wiki page.

If you don't have time to read the page at least scroll down to his wins record.

Real Cyclists WIN spring classics.


Just sayin ...


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mario_Cipollini

bikesgonewild said...

...mc'fly me to the moon
& let me play amongst the stars, let me see what spring is like
behind tommeke's handlebars'
...

...see that ???...a song in tribute to your win...

bikesgonewild said...

...re: babe winkelman...that is one horny motherfucker...

...well, not babe but that big deer thingy he just "shot through the heart"...

Anonymous said...

That Cervelo already has a very tall stem. Looks 'orrible.

hey nonny mouse

Anonymous said...

And in reference to the previous comments about courtious Dutch and Danish cyclsts, the absence of "Freds," bike messengers, and other speedsters darting in and out of traffic (vehicular or bicycular) is striking.

JB said...

Slam that stem, Cervelo boy!

Anonymous said...

Interesting to see that Bicycling says every pound over your ideal weight costs you 15 to 20 seconds, per mile of climbing.

Let's see, I'm 15 pounds over my ideal weight, so it's costing me at least 15*15=225 seconds, or 3 minutes 45 seconds per mile. So a climb that I can currently do at 10 mph, or 6 minutes per mile, I could do in 2 minutes 15 seconds per mile at my ideal weight. Works out to about 26.7 mph.

In fact, if my improvement turns out to be at the high end of what Bicycling suggests, then I'll do that climb 20*15=300 seconds=5 minutes faster each mile. That'll be 1 minute per mile, or 60 mph.

This is really great news! Now where the heck did I put that clenbuterol...

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

That funny looking front wheel must be temporary while the one that matches the back is in the shop gettin trued.

McFly said...

BGW,
I appreciate that. I was just standing in the shop minding everyone else's business and I felt a disturbance in the force. Turns out the disturbance was Taco Bell from last night but I thought "Hey as long as I am in the office shitting myself I will see what BSNYC is up to."

Anonymous said...

Your doing you're homework all wrong.

Salty and Sore said...

Holy Crappers!

WRM is usually performing his blogtastical actualness a Tour-de-France distance away from my house. Soon, it's going to be happening an artisanal-food-shopping distance away!

Will I be able to get my new lighter-weight wheelset purchased in time?!

bikesgonewild said...

...well & importantly articulated # 1..."...that the typical cyclist reading "Bicycling" on the toilet has about as much to gain from losing a little bit of weight as someone with $14 in the bank has to gain from switching to an account with a slightly higher interest rate..."...

Anonymous said...

Poor Wildcat. All expenses paid to travel to the West Coast. Ride a bike for an hour, talk to hipster d-bags for another hour, then spend the rest of the day doing nothing.

Sounds rough.

bikesgonewild said...

...well & importantly articulated # 2...

..."We as a society have chosen to drive these big cars," said Joe McCormack, an assistant District Attorney for the Bronx. It’s his job to prosecute traffic crimes. "And we also as a society have chosen not to criminalize every single small mistake that just has a dramatic consequence because your driving a car," he said.

..."There are times where the factual situation that is presented to us doesn’t rise to a crime," McCormack said. "And it’s important to realize that the reason it doesn’t rise to a crime is that society has made that decision that it doesn’t want it to be a crime."
...

...i say 'well & importantly articulated' because that is the first time i personally have ever heard it spoken by ANYONE in the field of law enforcement...

...it's not what i wanna hear but now, i've actually fucking heard it articulated...

Anonymous said...

Billy,

As a rider in SF I've had pedestrians and cyclists chastise me for doing something stupid, or something they thought to be stupid.

Yet, when twice when cars have performed the dreaded "right hook" and nearly fucked me up, others have been there to support me and chastise the driver.

I've seen a cyclist attempted to run a red through a blind intersection and "talked" to her.

The cycling in SF is life affirming, full of drama, and a stark reminder of what it is that makes us bike, what makes us human.

--Anonymous

Quilled and Lugged said...

Anon @4:22.

Agreed, and it could be worse - we could live in Marin. I hate riding through Mill Valley with all those self-important types who aren't going to slow down or put their coffee drink down for anyone. Don't worry bgw, by the time I get to Fairfax people are usually much mellower

bikesgonewild said...

...quilled n' lugged...just sitting here, sipping my cup o' tea & chuckling to myself...

...mill valley used to be more like fairfax but it got 'yuppified' long ago...we've learned from that here & hopefully we can stay kinda funky...

Billy said...

Anon @ 4:22, Quilled and Lugged:

Maybe I'm just not cut out to be an East Coast type, because that sounds way better than the no-holds-barred combat of Boston streets.

Damn, now I sound like one of those Brooklyn-to-Portland emigrating hipsters!

Billy said...

Forgot to mention earlier, Bicycling suggesting weight loss to improve times is actually way more practical than --masturbating over-- reviewing S-Works Venge McRib Crabon Sandwiches.

Not only will it save the Freds enormous amounts of money, it might actually help them get a bit faster, too. Not to mention lower national health care spending, though by cycling they're already ahead of the game on that.

PS - no strikethrough in Blogger comments sucks.

Anonymous said...

Billy,

I liked Boston when I visited it, very briefly.

San Francisco is sadly deficient in Dunkin' Donuts culture, though.

For SF,replace Dunkin' Donuts with worker owned cooperative bakery with slightly above par coffee.

bikesgonewild said...

...senor billy...while you're right in essence regarding 'the freds' as per the bicycling article, there is a whole subculture of obsessed, 'power metered' weekend warriors that snob's comment strikes to the heart of...

...i mean, i guess it's important to have your garmin hooked up so you can compare your exact time & heart rate to 'joe blows' on every inch of that 50 mile loop, although you've never met the guy (or care to) but personally, i couldn't give a rat's ass as long as i'm out enjoying the ride...

...that's just me, of course...

Anonymous said...

ILLE STP3

leroy said...

Shucks, I must have missed the poll about what we as a society have determined is worthwhile.

I will say this tho', if I sunk a lot of time and money into getting a law degree, I don't think I would choose to spend my career prosecuting traffic tickets in The Bronx.

But I'm just grumpy today.

My twin brother was riding his motorcycle this morning and got rear ended by an SUV just as he was turning in to work.

The driver popped out of the car and started shouting about an insurance scam because witnesses were peeling my brother off the asphalt and giving him their contact information.

The driver claimed my brother had stopped without signalling a turn. The police report notes the turn signal was still blinking when my broher was picked up off the ground.

My brother won't be spending the evening at the hospital. Not necessary and, anyway, too expensive. (Five republican appointed members of the Supreme Court are about to tell us that "we as a society" like health care that way. I must have missed that opinion poll too.)


The difference between motorcycle cycling and bicycle cycling is that my brother is still alive to explain that the driver is a pig-ignorant dickhead.

That's why the driver got ticketed and why if it had been me who'd been rear-ended on my commute, that Bronx ADA would write me off as a warm, albeit gooey, memory not on society's value radar.

When it comes right down to it, being alive to explain why the guy who hit you is a pig-ignorant dickhead is what's important. If you're that Bronx ADA, anything else requires too much thinking and effort. It doesn't have a whole lot to do with what "we as a society value."

So the solution is simple: Don't get killed. You can't win if you get killed.

And explaining to a pig-ignorant dickhead why he's a pig-ignorant dickhead is one of life's simple pleasures you wouldn't want to miss.

Enlightenmnet isn't ignoring pig-ignorant dick-headedness. It's knowing what is and isn't pig-ignorant dickheadedness.

Accidents happen. It's how you try to avoid them and what happens after them that matter.

Muttley said...

Sorry to hear about your bro, Leroy, and I hope he isn't too sore. But I have to ask, does he have a dog too?

Cipo said...

eating pussy

Anonymous said...

Bottom line? We all drive cars but we don't all ride cycles.
Therefore there exists an other, a not us, a tribe of a different stripe, worshipers of another god, fans of a different genre.

Until they see us as them, we will not be valued as they value themselves.

Like Snob wrote, we are but recreationists . They have children to deliver, jobs to rush to, groceries to buy and Apple products to obsesse over.

Whose culture is this anyway? Leroy didn't get a vote and I didn't either.
I want a do over. Another fucking do over.

McFly said...

I pretty much quit riding street motorcycles and solely rode dirt motorcycles for years because the trees do not move out in front of you.

Anonymous said...

Hey Leroy, give my regards to your brother. I ride a motorbike too; you can only avoid what's unfolding in front of you. Everything else is caused by fuds and shite on the road. And over-optimism!

hey nonny mouse

Poppa Wheelie said...

People suck

Vegas said...

“And we also as a society have chosen not to criminalize..." anything that involves a bicyclist getting any kind of positive outcome.

I got run over by a salmoning Fred on Thursday who fled the scene as I writhed on the ground in pain from my separated shoulder. The police who arrived decided "Oh, it's only bicycles" and left without a word.

But if I inconvenience a car by taking the lane, or have a blinky light instead of a solid one, or "look like I'm on drugs" cuz I'm sweating and breathing heavily (uh, anytime I'm on a bike?), you can be sure the cops will take at least a fucking half hour to stop and harass the hell out of me.

Oh yeah, luckily it was at the State Beach and the Park Ranger filed a report, and I was able to follow up with him after my trip to the ER.

Ride safe out there Little Snobsters, and remember the cops credo "The Cyclist Always Loses!"

Anonymous said...

Are cyclists suckers then? Are we just a group of knobs and fools? Should we be viewed as less than? Maybe.
I just got back from a ride and no one returned my wave of brotherhood. The grimace of ultimate commitment was in full bloom and the stop light gatherings were all grunts and sneers.
I know you're all Freds. The real pros are in Europe now. No more make-believe, boys, you aren't fooling anyone now that it's April. Your costumes remind me of Harley riders - dressed like the bad boys they play while on the road on Sundays.
Commuters? Too righteous? Tree-hugger? Good heavens, could it be you can't afford an Audi? Or a set of 404s.
I have met the enemy and he is us.

Vegas said...

+1 to bgw's articulated #2. Wait, did the DA just say that, out loud???

And +5 to Leroy, you are 100% correct, very well said.

Glad he's alright (more-or-less). I wont be on two-wheels (motorized or un) for a while.

Anonymous said...

Here in Aus, we watched the last 120 km of Paris-Roubaix WITHOUT ADS!! It was shown on two networks whose ad-breaks never coincided so a bit of judicious channel-switching was all that was required.
- Aussie Codger

leroy said...

Muttley --

He has cats. Quite a few of them. My dog says they cheat at Scrabble. I told him I'm not getting in the middle of that.

Leroys' brothers' Pussy said...

CHALLENGE!

Anonymous said...

It's human nature to like to be the underdog..and then whine about being the underdog.

So, just get over it duders.. The laws of physics will always make us the underdogs.. Heavy SUV vs. Crabon fred sled will always go to the SUV.. End of story..

If you don't like this then move to the alternative universe with the BSNYC is curated by a similar, yet more friendly snobby...

Anonymous said...

No way, dude.
Occupy biketopia!

Jealous??? said...

Show everyone your appreciation for fine bicycles when you wear Cannondale's Trainstation Cycle Cap. Its polyester construction is quick-drying, its handy brim keeps the sun and rain out of your eyes, and its old-school logo will make your riding buddies envious.

bikesgonewild said...

...leroy...glad to hear your brother (elroy ???...& if it isn't, well, somebody dropped the ball ???...) has survived, is patchable & remains the big cat daddy...

...kinda wondering why a pig-ignorant dickhead wouldn't stop behind a slowing vehicle, turn signal notwithstanding but then again, along with a lotta bullshit excuses, i guess it goes with the territory when one is an suv wielding pig-ignorant dickhead...

...again...glad the man is functional despite the bruises...

bikesgonewild said...

...well & importantly articulated # 3...

..."...The real pros are in Europe now. No more make-believe, boys, you aren't fooling anyone now that it's April."...

...bwahahahahahahahaha-cough, cough, choke, chortle-hahaha !!!...abso-fucking-lutely !!!...

...i've actually muttered words similar to that thought whilst making that little wave of brotherhood myself even though i'm all kitted out...

Ray Ban Wayfarer said...

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In this flick Matthew McConnaughey would wear some Jimmy Suspend shades. The black frame incorporates a forehead bar, much like for your Ray-Ban Outdoors type along with Player with the dice, one of the world?¡¥s best-selling makes connected with glasses.

Anonymous said...

Contagious

As I get ready to leave the shop, Steve receives a UPS parcel containing several titanium bottom brackets. As he opens the box, he exhibits what is perhaps the ultimate guiding principle for the company. One that he shares with brother Andy: a passionate love affair with the bicycle, down to the smallest detail. As Steve opens the box, he smiles wildly and focuses on its contents. He looks at the bottom brackets closely, admiring every bit of them as though they were pieces of art worthy of being hung in an art museum. For a second, he looses himself within the box’s contents. When Steve looks up, the UPS driver (who is still standing there watching Steve as intently as I am, and waiting for a signature) takes a deep breath and speaks up.


“Steve, I have to get you to build a bike for me! We need to talk.”


(This is an excerpt taken from Klaus at Cycling Inquisitions' interview with Steve Hampsten. I can't help but wonder what he meant when he said Steve Hampsten LOOSED HIMSELF in the boxes contents.)

Anonymous said...

These comments are getting weird.
Nonsequiturish even.
I like it.

Anonymous said...

Dear Machine,
I inwardly howled with laughter at the use of the word "impacting," which is often but not properly used as a synonym for "affecting." To impact is to strike or to clog up, as when one's bowel becomes clogged with unevacuated fecal matter. In other words, "impacting" means "filling with sh*t." (I'm not sure what "sh*t" is, but I'm assured by various experts that it's an unpleasant and smelly substance similar to shit.) So the World Annoyance Tour means your blog will be full of sh*t? And how, he asked smugly, will that situation differ from the usual course of events?

Anonymous said...

An undercover cyclist sold an officer to some heroin, then went potty to read Bicycling Magazine because taking tests helps you lose weight.
Panties!

Anonymous said...

That Cervelo has to be the fugliest thing on two wheels I've ever seen. Including Dick Cheney and George W. Bush riding a pair of unicycles.

Anonymous said...

BGW, we can still have our make-believe while wearing our kits and grimaces, right?

WE look like retired pros.

And retired pros don't go to Europe in the Spring, we/they just ride around mumbling about hairnets and Detto Pietros.

Anonymous said...

Joseph McCormack Ass D.A of the Bronx, 718-590-2026. Call him and tell him what you really think.

UPS Guy said...

If I had it to do over I would definately not have taken in that deep breath.......

Anonymous said...

Anon 12:11,
Do you have the number of the Ass Secretary?

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 11:47am...fits me to a "t"...

...social grace is an art form - even on a bike...

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Robert said...

Quite the dream chariot

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