Friday, April 20, 2012

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

In recent years there have been numerous proposals to build a velodrome in New York City.  It's crucial that we get a new velodrome, so that the people who currently make a bunch of excuses for not using the one we've already got can finally have access to a better, modern, more centrally-located facility that they won't use either.  Well, a reader tells me that this dream of a new velodrome may finally become a reality, for someone is apparently donating $40 million to make it happen:

I like bikes, I like bike racing, and I like the idea of a velodrome in Brooklyn Bridge Park.  At the same time, I can't help thinking that anyone who would actually foot the bill for one must be completely insane.  If I had $40 million to donate, the last thing I'd do would be to spend it on bike racers.  (Of course, I don't have $40 million to donate--I only have $20 million, and it's all going to the statue of myself I'm giving to the city of Portland, OR.)  Really, it's hard to think of a group of people less deserving of philanthropy than bike racers.  Giving money to bike racers is like giving Chuck E. Cheese tokens to sex offenders.

Of course, there are those who will probably say that building a velodrome also benefits "the youth," but as far as I'm concerned encouraging kids to race bikes is even worse.  If you've ever renewed a USA Cycling racing license, you know they always ask you to donate to the USA Cycling Development Foundation.  However, to actually do so would be incredibly irresponsible, for nothing could be more destructive to America's youth than a life of Fred-dom.  Really, you're better off just buying these kids a bag of weed.  At least that way they might actually get interested in something.  On the other hand, the best-case scenario for an American bike racer is living out of your car, doping for crits, and carping about how your town doesn't have an adequate velodrome.

Then again, as cycling becomes more popular there is more financial opportunity as far as racing is concerned, and thanks to all the sponsorship we're almost at the point where "alleycat racing" is becoming a viable career.  Yes, alleycats have gone mainstream--so mainsteam in fact that they're being covered by in-flight magazines, as I just learned via the Twitter:

("Delta Sky Magazine" is synonymous with "Street Cred.")

"Pick a [rider] and follow him" indeed--that would appear to be the template for the entire "urban cycling" lifestyle.

Speaking of Twitter discoveries, another Tweeterer also alerted me to this:

Date: 2012-03-17, 2:47PM EDT
Reply to: [deleted]

Mid-1980s Eddy Merckx 61 cm. Reynolds 753 frame.
Green and White main tubes, silver forks and stays.
Raised black lettering, gold outline.
Campagnolo Record Components- 3 years old new condition.
DT Swiss R1.1 Rims, Black Rims, Spokes, Hubs.
Ritchey carbon-bar and stem
No pedals, front derller has broken screw.
Bought frame 4 years ago w/ original campy BB and headset.
Frame has 5-6 paint chips
2000 $ OBO CONTACT 443-857-[deleted]

Complete with a photograph of a disembodied body presiding over a rather perplexing cockpit:

As far as I'm concerned this photograph fully qualifies as art, and in spirit and composition it evokes Grant Wood's iconic "American Gothic:"

Now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right you'll be delighted, and if you're wrong you'll see some offroad action.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and always pick a rider and follow him blindly.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

1) This bicycle is made from a "vintage" Erector Set.


(George Hincapie kidnapped by Freds)

2) As part of your $240 entry fee for the Gran Fondo New York, you will receive:

(Typical Italian "Gran Fondo" taking a post-ride stroll.)

3) The term "Gran Fondo" is actually Italian for "Big Fred."


(Steamy late-night chat session takes a fateful turn.)

4) Whose missile is he going to ride?

--Mark Cavendish's
--Mario Cipollini's
--Ivan Dominguez's
--Kim Jong-un's

5) How much for these leather cycling shorts?

--This is a trick question, nobody would possibly sell leather cycling shorts

("First Winter:" A facial hair-raising story of survival.)

6) The film "First Winter," about a group of Brooklyn hilpsters forced to survive in the wilderness, has garnered controversy because:

--The filmmakers illegally downloaded much of the score
--The filmmakers killed a deer without first obtaining a permit
--The filmmakers shot the film entirely on location at Bard College without first obtaining a permit
--It sucks

7) This is my Saab.


***Special Old-Timey Bonus Question***

"Back in the day," who won an impromptu "Cat 6" race between a cyclist and Oliver W., the famous trotting ostrich?

--The cyclist
--The ostrich
--It was a tie
--Neither, they were both beaten by a monkey on roller skates

(via "Serial Retrogrouch")


McFly said...


McFly said...

Need more fingerbang bulletts

Anonymous said...

podium twice


Anonymous said...

podium twice


ashcroftchops said...

Top three

Jasper said...

Early doors, but McFly is McFlying these days

ashcroftchops said...

Nearly top three :-0

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

top ten for good gc standings.

Chriam said...

Top 5?

Anonymous said...

Happy 4.20 everyone!

Chriam said...

*Sigh* Top 10.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Awesome! Your visage in stone will look great with pigeon poop on it.

Roundyround said...

Those freddy shorts are made from Japanese calf leather. Is that a Japanese baby cow, or some poor person's calf?

singlespeedwaster said...

Damn, but them doors is early!

Buy-cycle said...


grog said...

So, you're going to trade in your helper-monkey for a helper-ostrich?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I'm extremely plussed to report 100% correctly answered quiz.

Thanks Snob for the laughs and have a nice weekend.

Cat6 champion said...

Great find on the obstacle vid. Almost as good as triathlon transition area porn.

Anonymous said...

BSNYC product review "bike butterfly." Trust me on this one.

usa_cycling_overlord said...

Your editorial on the velodrome is Golden! So concise and scathing at the same time.

Ahhh the USACDF. The organization funded by USAC that operates with total independence from USAC.

Hey, USACDF where's all that money you are raising going?

A real classy bunch of scumbags running USAC these days. Just like the older days.

thegock said...


DerZoots said...

Weed day!


Anonymous said...

Freds take the fun out of cycling; even for them. But if you could convince them to ride in the velodrome, they could go round and round in their neurotic hampsterish way.

ashcroftchops said...

I love my brompton folding bicycle and I want to bestow leather love upon it with a pair of €850 leather shorts.

Cipo said...

Why is it that Saturday morning Roman Catolic 'clit juice' always tastes like fried fish?

Guy who can't remember his name said...

I'll be 4:20'in at 4:20 on 4:20 ...

jno62 said...

Giving money to bike racers is like giving Chuck E. Cheese tokens to sex offenders.

Coffee out the nose for that one! Thanks Snobby!

Anonymous said...


my saab works great, I just had to pull the battery yesterday, 2-amp trickle charge it overnight, and re-install this morning. started right up


Cipo said...

Mangiando il prosciutto

When someone mentions "alleycat" the first image in my mind is that of semi naked women battling it out in a pool of mud.

Anonymous said...

Very, very funny post snobby. You're on a roll.


Anonymous said...

top something?

Anonymous said...

Does that woman holding the bike have a goatee?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Damn, McFly, what's in those white lunchbags Bruneel has been giving you?

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Grant Wood panties!

leroy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ryan D said...

Snob! Quick - this needs some merciless dis assemblage..

leroy said...

My dog wants to borrow fifty bucks for a papier mache statue of me for Prospect Park.

I got suspicious when he told me it wouldn't have a pedestal. He assures me that wasn't to keep it within canine leg-lifting height.

He's going to fill the papier mache statue with candy and donate it to a children's birthday party where it will be hung in a place of honor.

That sounds nice, but I don't understand what the sticks and blindfold are for.

Oh well, ride statuesquely all!

Anonymous said...

36th place and still in awe of McFly's "2011 Philipe Gilbert" form recently

Wait, 4/20 and after all this "prep" I still get smoked on the quiz?

leogodoy said...

Was the ostrich riding a 27er, a 29er or a 650Ber?

rural 14 said...

ant 2nd!
how does a bill become a law?

McFly said...

I routed my cables internally on my bike and was like, 9 to 11 feet faster every 1681 feet so I tried it on my craptop as well and it has given me amazing form for April. They now run behind the couch instead of across the living room floor. April the month not the girl.

bikesgonewild said... quiz question, that is not a foto of bgw in the 'lampre' jersey taken at the recent sf snobbra...

streepo said...

Perfect score.


Anonymous said...

That Ostrich chariot has pretty nice wheels for 1911.

Anonymous said...

If my kids take up competitive cycling, I hope they go the traditional route of xc running until years of nagging knee pain move them to cycling (well after they're off my budget.) Although, I imagine the drug tests will be so stringent by then that they'll fail tests for drugs I took 20 years ago.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Lamest mtb video ever.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I especially like the dufus on the fat bike who gets stuck on it.

Hey I just noticed something about the erector set bike. Why does it have a v-brake noodle on the front caliper?

Anonymous said...

Geeesh...squeezed into the top 50.

zoomer said...

Top something.
Smugness quiz quotient? 100%
4:20 altitude? 9 miles.


oh, and ostrich skin bikecycling WeedPanties

Serial Retrogrouch said...

a little known fact: Oliver W. lived to be 65 years old and raced at the velodrome after beating the racer on the streets. Maybe the new brooklyn velo-duh-rome will be named after Oliver?

Croll 2, Best Worst Cyclist said...

Got everything but the bonus question - Nice one Snaaby!

DerZoots said...

-> recumbent conspiracy theorist

The pop rivet bike has a V-Brake noodle on a road caliper because the folks who think they can reinvent the bicycle usually don't know shit about bicycles. Nor do they take the time to find out. Whether this is born of arrogance or enthusiastic ignorance I do not know.

mikeweb said...

McFly kicking' it!


No mention today of il Sceriffo 'racing' at the Cup race in PP tomorrow morning?

"Fredpocalypse Now"' starring 'Frank' Moser.

mikeweb said...

Moser PP race announcement.

CommieCanuck said...

Yeah...we were supposed to build a velodrome locally for the Pan-Am games for $12M..$15M...$24M... we have every sleazo contracting company lined up. Finally someone in City Council asked, "what the fuck exactly is a Velodrome? Is it like that 80s Cronenberg movie with Debbie Harry's tits?", so they killed it. Apparently, most thought we were trying to build a "Foxy Boxing" arena.


CommieCanuck said...

a little known fact: Oliver W. lived to be 65 years old, and turned out to be delicious on a bun with Dijon mustard.

Anonymous said...

i think a popeye's chicken in greenwich would do more business than a velodrome in brooklyn.

Anonymous said...

No mention of the Moser news?

Anonymous said...

wow after watching that video i realize that mountain bikers are even more dorky and hapless than roadies. although it looks like they do probably enjoy a post ride beer (or 10) more than your average roadfred.

Crristobol said...

Doe the mid 80's Merckx come with buggy cord so as to strap my 12-pak of Swillweiser, or does that cost extra? Anyway, I believe what has been witnessed in this week of cycling break throughs i.e. the orgami bike folding, glue, rivet thing , Rene Herse and Alex Singer are just SPINNING in there graves.

Anonymous said...

sorry to have to correct you, but the large fred in the pic just finished the gran fondue not the fondo. totally different event. whatever dude.

Ray Sexlight said...

Perhaps there was a housing shortage. Does anybody else think that there's a regular bike frame under all that sheet metal?

crosspalms said...

The monkey on roller skates really belongs in that mtb video

bikesgonewild said... news, cool link...

...this, i love...'When asked what he thought his chances are in the race Moser said "I can hold anyone's wheel for 44 miles"...'...

...moser - just sayin'...

Buffalo Bill said...

Decraniated body?

crosspalms said...

Does that make him the famous disembodied hand?

mikeweb said...


Thought you might like that one.

I'm heading over there tomorrow morning to check it out.

bikesgonewild said...

...what quizzled me the most was "...why was the leader of those mtb riders not carrying an artesianal axe with which to chop out a section of the offending tree to ensure safe passage for his inept riding buddies ???"...

bikesgonewild said...

...moser is one of those guys who hasn't lost an ounce of his panache since retiring...

...if anything, his style & grace is more obvious...

...this, from a man who was hard enough to win paris - roubaix 3 times...


Anonymous said...

I saw that Eddie Merkzx bike photo just before starting a meeting. Couldn't look at the moderator without starting to laugh

Anonymous said...

A BSNYC reader calling another cyclist a "Fred" is like a Catholic priest calling Chester the Chuck E Cheese busboy a "Pederast."

bikesgonewild said...

...X-palms...couldn't be...the guy is the embodiment of cycling class...

Guy who can't remember his name said...

Is it 4:20 PM EDST yet??????

Cipo said...

Just finished my "French 'clit juice' tastes like" survey project and the results are in ...

- 73% tastes like never washed armpits smell

- 12% aertisanal goat cheese

- 17% bleu cheese

- 7% frog

and the rest tasted like chicken.

McFly said...

Your data is flawed beacause it only adds up to 109% and we KNOW you give no less than 110% to all of your physical endeavors.....recumbabe wore you out.

bikesgonewild said...

...btw, keep doin' what you're doin' & we're gonna rename you 'mcfire'...

wishiwasmerckx said...

A discussion of F. Moser with nary a mention of his hour record? It is hard to explain in light of today's significant technological advances just how radical and ahead of its time his hour record machine was.

In fact, many refused to accept that he had bested Merckx's "untouchable" record, and physicists and engineers spent days on end trying to quantify and calculate exactly how much of an advantage the aero rig was in order to reach an "honest" comparison.

Nebraska Bike Commuter (non DWI edition) said...

Nice Merckx and it's even an appropriate size for me, but I don't have that kind of money to spend on a bike that's nearly 30 years old.

So it looks like McFly is the class (??!!!) of the field. Wow!

McFly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
McFly said...

Moser is 61 and looks to be in excellent form. Maybe ya'll could give him the ceremonial victory for forms' sake? Naaaaaaah some Cat 3 would launch with 100M to go. Why don't ya'll all chip in and buy him the Merckx "Crackhead bar setup" Bike for this special one-off event? Or better yet the Lone Wolf could let him borrow the Lotus with integrated Walkman and optional Watertree...

Quilled and Lugged said...

I always thought Mr Moser was a fine exponent of the blood doping, which is why he outdid Mercx on the hour...

Speaking of doping, just rolling through Golden Gate Park this afternoon, it smelled like the good old days/bad old days/just plain old days (delete as applicable) over there. Lots of people walking kinda of slowly towards something with stupified grins and talking loudly. What was the date again?

LK said...

Don't be too sour grapes about that $40M Velodrame and Weight Loss Center. That's $40M NYC Dollars. And some other guy will match that to insure that he can drive his car on that track.

Take note that one of the USAC Development Fund Babies just won La Fleche Wallone Femme. How cool is that?

running_on_ice said...

A bit about cycling in Colombia. It's definitely not NYC!

RG said...

Me and my three year old appaloosa will race you but a velodrome is the wrong venue, for sure. ;-)

Cycle Thrilla said...

Francesco will Moser on down to Prospect Park tomorrow and put racers half his age to shame. I hope they have a good cry afterwards.

Cycle Thrilla said...

Francesco will Moser on down to Prospect Park tomorrow and put racers half his age to shame. I hope they have a good cry afterwards.

E -Scapin said...

Snaaabie,that was the most painful 41 esconds af starter torture i've endured since gettin the dodge fired up this morning! oh 7 keep the hot foreign bicycle babes cummin! better u wading thru all that shit than us!

helena said...

The in the Barrel3-speed geatures a simple-minded color scheme with a complex geometric frame design to form the utopia of cruisers Comfort Bikes.

beach cruiser bike

bikesgonewild said...,, you're whoring yourself out to sell somebody's beach cruiser & you don't even seem to have a real grasp of the english language...

...what's up with that shit ???...

domotion2011 said...

go to domotion2011.wordpress for more crackhead cockpit design. oh yeah,

helena said...

i like drive my cruiser to beach and make big sexy love on knee and freaknight

Edward Penishands said...

I fingerbanged all night long and my hands are killing me!

Little Freddie Douche' said...

Why do they call it 'dope'?

Get back to me ASAP. I have a quiz first thing Monday.


McFly said...

It is derived from its' Latin based "dopamine" then shortened. I always liked using the last half of the latin base when describing it....mine.

bikesgonewild said...

...nothing relevant to offer except to say that the ambient temperature just north of the 'ggb' is about 140 degrees (f) today...

...just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

Bike Butterfly is ahsome!

McFly said...

It's been 49 all day here in Paris (not France) Tn and I must be spoiled because I could not ride and I even have new pedals. Buyin new's the next best thing to riding. Besides sex. And German Choclate Cake.

Der Zoots said...

Could not ride or would not ride?

McFly said...

Ummmmmmmmmmm....would not. BUT IT WAS ALSO SUPER,SUPER WINDY. And gloomy. I needed to save my legs for Leige. I will have to be up at 7 a.m. for Sean Kellys' strategic insight. In movie news go see The Three Stooges...they rarely get a remake right but the Farrelly Bros. nailed this one. Certianly. NaaAaaAaaAaaaaAaa.....

Jed said...

Re: bike butterfly
Just try that shizz in NYC. That f*cker will be put back in his 'cocoon' faster than you can say "clitty juice".

ce said...

I'm worried about the collateral damage that would occur if Mothfred was confronted by a wayward Beautiful Godzilla in the streets of a big city... Godzilla vs Mothra

DerZoots said...

@ CE
Well joked.

Cecil B. Douche' said...

I'm looking for investors to back my new property "Eddie 'The Cannibal' Merckx - My Story.

The video will be 3D with an all hamster cast.

Pre-teen/terminally stoned target demographic.

Anonymous said...

Do you nancyboys ever watch any supercross? Jon Tomacs' boy Eli is in the catbirds seat for a championship. They are not bikes but they do have 2 wheels:

The sparks were expected to fly in a Lites West battle, and they did when Monster Energy Pro Circuit Kawasaki’s Dean Wilson and GEICO Honda’s Eli Tomac collided, literally, several times in a pitched battle for the points lead. Ahead of them, Star-Valli Rockstar Yamaha’s Ryan Sipes held the race lead after grabbing the holeshot. Tomac sat in second, but Wilson made a pass on him. Then Tomac set Wilson up and retook second, but Wilson responded with a hard pass and some contact that sent Tomac off of the track. Tomac got back on the track quickly, still sitting in third behind Wilson. When he saw an opening a few laps later, he went for the kill and bumped Wilson on the inside across the starting stretch. Wilson went down. Tomac continued on to finish 3rd and take over the points lead.

Frederick 'Bonghitz' Frederickson said...

So when is this big four twenty bash happin'in man ...

Mr. Ponytail Man said...

This blogular needs more Kids in the Hall references. I had the pear dream again.

Feel Licket said...

Steve Tilford got 8th in Pro 1-2 in a field of 80 AND HAD NOT DONE A CRIT ALL YEAR. What state is Tilford from? Trick question he is not from Earth.

Anonymous said...

Feel Licket,

Know how old Tilford is?

Trick question.

He's as old as which ever is lower; the average age of those finishing behind him or the median of those who finish before him . If he wins, Tilford has no age and is therefore not of this space/time continuum.

Feel said...

Please excuse me while I sweep up the pieces of my blown mind.....

Anonymous said...

You have got one ugly thumb!

Babe Winkelman said...

Just got in a load of Afghani head shrinking kits.

These go super fast so get your orders in NOW!

Full instructions included. When you finish your project you also have an awesome human skull that you can use as a bong or serving dish.


Anonymous said...

Anon 6:37,
There was a pic with the big toe a while back and it's like Ripley's Believe it or Not material.

bikesgonewild said...

...i wish you guys would stop sucking tilfords dick in public...

...or is it auto-fellatio ???...

yogisurf said...

To quote the Hipster film maker "I'm an idiot!" I finally got 100% on the Friday Fun Quiz.

Anonymous said...

The First Winter is obviously a low budget Hipster film being as that he did not apear to be using a Best Made Axe. You would think that they would hold up production until they could aford one.

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Kids Motorcycle Helmets said...

Nearly top three-McFly, what's in those white lunchbags Bruneel has been giving you?

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Robert said...

"Gran Fondo" more like GRAND Fondo OH HO HO HO

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