Friday, March 2, 2012

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz! (And Absentee Announcement)

If On a Winter's Night a Fun Quiz:
My Introduction to the BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz
by deceased Italian author Italo Calvino

You are about to begin the BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz.  Relax.  Concentrate.  Lock your front door so your neighbor with diarrhea doesn't wander in and loudly use your bathroom again.  Put your dog in the freezer so he doesn't distract you by humping your leg.  While you're at it, why not defrost and enjoy a Hungry-Man™ frozen dinner?  Did you know I was the Hungry Man™ spokesman from 1980 to 1980-and-a-half?  As it turns out, the Swanson company crossly overestimated the overlap between the contemporary Italian literature and pre-prepared frozen meal markets, and so my tenure as spokesman was a short one.  Still, they paid me handsomely nevertheless.  The fact is there are no hard feelings between Swanson and me, and I still believe Hungry-Man™ frozen dinners are great to eat while your're reading, and they're especially delightful while you're taking a quiz.  

In any case, turn up the thermostat, adjust your scuba flippers, clean your bifocals with Windex, and enjoy the quiz.

Fuck Swanson,

Italo Calvino

Well, I think Italo Calvino mostly covered it with his intro, but I should add that I will not be posting updates to this blog on Monday, March 5th and Tuesday, March 6th, but will return on Wednesday, March 7th with regular updates.  Please note the reason for my absence is not that I'll be going to Sacramenty for the North American Handmade Blah-Blah-Blah.  Instead, I'll be staying here in New York, mostly because I already own two North American handmade bicycles and if I look at any more than that at once I'm liable to puke.  No, the reason for my absence is that I'm working on a project.  "What kind of project?," you're not asking right now because you couldn't care less.  Well, let's just say it's a work-in-progress currently on display at the North American None Of Your Business Show.  Also, I'll go ahead and dispel any rumors that this project is of a musical nature, and that it will include a ripping Eddie Van Halen solo like Michael Jackson's "Beat it."  

Speaking of projects, Grant Petersen of Rivendell has a book-shaped project called "Just Ride," and it comes out on May 8th:



I was fortunate enough to receive an early copy and I sincerely thought it was great.  It is full of the sort of advice and opinion that would make Mike Sinyard cry, and you can pre-order copies from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, IndieBound, or Workman.  I'll also point out that the tall trim size puts you in an upright, comfortable position, just like one of the author's bikes.  And if you want to make Grant Petersen cry, just show him "the world's lightest road bike:"

Which was forwarded to me by a reader because it includes the "lighter than milk" metric:

"A gal­lon of milk is 40% heav­ier than this bicycle."

In other words, now you can finally carry that half-gallon of milk with you on your road rides without worrying about the weight penalty.

Yes, of all the various forms of bike porn, weight-weenie bike porn is undoubtedly the saddest and lamest.  At least handmade bike porn has fancy paint jobs and pointy lugs.  Meanwhile, weight-weenie porn is just stuff like saddles with no padding and derailleurs that are missing screws:


Pathetic.

Of course, in 2012 we're no longer limited to still-life bike porn, and video bike porn is becoming increasingly popular.  Consider the following video, which was sent to me by the filmmaker:


Anki / FTT from Oyvind Naess on Vimeo.

This is undoubtedly the greatest person-doing-absolutely-nothing-except-riding-a-cyclocross-bike video ever made, and I'm looking forward to the sequel in which he does exactly the same thing only in slightly different pants.

Lastly, a reader tells me that Davis, CA is apparently looking to supplant Portland, OR as the bike business-friendliest city in Canada's bedpan:


In fact, they even have a cycling realtor who shows houses by bike:

Agents Leslie Tuel and Leslie Blevins – who call themselves Team Leslie and wear cycling jerseys emblazoned with their logo – keep a fleet of rainbow-colored cruiser bikes for clients to use.


"It seemed like the perfect idea in Davis," Tuel said.


Last weekend, Team Leslie showed a home listed at $1.2 million to UC Davis physician Erik Laurin, his wife, Sacha, an Australian cheesemaker, and their three children. All arrived on two wheels, the youngest wearing a green shark helmet.


As they oohed and ahhed over the hot tub, outdoor fireplace and climate-controlled wine storage, they said arriving by bike gave them a better sense of the neighborhood and appealed to their cycling sensibilities.

I love bikes and all, but I also think some businesses should remain car-based.  Call me old-fashioned, but I can't trust a realtor who doesn't wear leopard print, drive a 1987 Mercury Cougar and smoke Virginia Slims.  Also, what kind of self-respecting doctor shopping for a $1.2 million home doesn't ride a Serotta?


("26-inch mountain bike?  Are you sure I can't show you something a little less expensive?")

Then again, he is Erik Laurin the physician, not Erik Laurin, DDS.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see an unusual bicycle.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and see you on March 7th.




--Wildcat Rock Machine









1) One day, after years of rehabilitation, Mary will walk again.

--True
--False






(Everybody diggs the Diggelmann.)

2) Walter Diggelmann has won every Tour de France for the last 60 years.

--True
--False








3) When stealing a cockpit, always be sure to:

--Completely cut the brake cables
--Establish whether the handlebar manufacturer's measurements are center-to-center or outside-to-outside
--Use a torque wrench, especially crucial for today's lightweight crabon fiber components
--Enter coupon code COCKYGRAB for free shipping from Nashbar (now through Monday only)







4) Load up those panniers!  The cycling industry now considers this a "touring" wheel.

--True
--False








5) The Mario Cipollini:

--Performs flawlessly, with only occasional creaks
--Performs creakily, with only occasional flaws
--Performs occasionally, with frequent leaks
--Will be 11-speed, electronic, and fully self-lubricating for 2013






6) This person is:

--"Planning to launch a bicycle-based roofing company in Portland, OR that uses only sustainable roofing materials."
--"Riding across the United States on a bamboo recumbent bike of my own construction."
--"Completing the entire Paris-Roubaix race route on a unicycle."
--"Embarking on a 40-day bike journey from Amherst, Massachusetts to Milwaukee, Wisconsin toting a typewriter behind me."






(Ravi the Human Brompton in mid-fold.)

7) Move over, Brompton!  It's:

--The foldable Segway
--The telescoping longboard
--The S&S coupled pennyfarthing
--The bicycle backpack



***Special Fat Cock-Themed Bonus Question***




Where can you get some fat cock with your corn flakes and cigarettes?

--Melbourne, Australia
--Cape Town, South Africa
--Jakarta, Indonesia
--The Portland, OR "Cock, Flakes, 'N Butts Trike!"


118 comments:

Blog Drafter said...

Heckuva long sprint!

Blog Drafter said...

2nd

Blog Drafter said...

Sweep!

McFly said...

bike throw fail

Piskian said...

That's better.

Blog Drafter said...

I will rest.

Anonymous said...

"Still, they paid me handsomely nevertheless."

Redundancy is redundant.

Blog Drafter said...

(Collapse on grass)

wishiwasmerckx said...

Top 10! Late post!

Blog Drafter said...

Please, keep the media away...

Anonymous said...

Out of the Top Ten?
Inconceivable!

Billy said...

Ouch, out of the top 10.

Buy-cycle said...

Scranus to the face. 13?

Fat Cock Velo said...

I'm carrying my race bike + bike repair stand & tools on my cargo bike and riding to Branch Brook tomorrow for the races-- see ya' there & FUCK PORTLAND.

McFly said...

No hard feelings at Swanson. There are, however, hard feelings between leroy's dog and my shin. Thank Lob he just orientated (accidently) around to my calf. Maybe he can finish up now.

Anonymous said...

drafting fat cocks

Blog Drafter said...

Man, I sucked at the quiz, fail!

Anonymous said...

Scranus.




balls™

DerZoots said...

That bike backpack companies web address should be foreverdumb.net.

DerZoots said...

Fucken WEED First!

Anonymous said...

Top XX?

wishiwasmerckx said...

"crossly" overestimated? I guess I "grossly" overestimated your spelling ability.

Oh, wait. That was a veiled Jesus reference? My bad.

Did it ever occur to you that if Jesus did actually return, the LAST THING he would want to see is a cross?

db said...

You watch, someone will reinvent your "unusual bike". Probably for XC mountain biking.

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

the wrong answer video is hardly safe for work

McFly said...

I really liked the musical background in the Naess video. It reminds me of those Stars and Watercarriers movies.

Anonymous said...

Only missed one on the quiz.

I couldn't imagine that anyone could be so grossly self-indulgent and self-involved to ask other people for money in order to take a bike trip with their typewriter.

I was wrong.

Having been a faithful reader of this blog for years, I really should have known better. There appears to be no limit to the sheer entitlement felt by some graduates of our finer liberal arts colleges. I went to one, too, but I went for in for sciences.

Anonymous said...

Did anyone else wonder why a 40-day bike trip of 40 miles per day needs $15,000? Maybe it's for publishing her book? Maybe she only stays in the finest hotels? It's a mystery to me.

jimbo said...

thanks, had little else that made me laugh today

Dooth said...

No one's heard from Cipo?
That's some snatch he's munching on.

Billy said...

Aced the quiz. Need to go back and see the unusual bicycle video.

Those Kickstarter questions are tough! You really can't make up funnier fake ones than the real deal. Such as they are.

Have fun at the NANOYBS. Just needs one more letter to make a nice knuckle tattoo.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I saw the world's lightest road bike at Interbike while it was still in its last iteration. Now and then, it looks like it would splinter to smithereens if you farted while astride it. He could shave a few more grams if he loses the headtube badge.

Anonymous said...

So, I want to know, is that Australian doc's wife, the cheesemaker, blessed?

Billy said...

...what the hell was that?

I really hope that bicycle had a saddle...

Edward said...

Nice Calvino reference! More literary references please, if only because you're probably the author I read the most and most frequently.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Sacha Frere-Jones is an Australian cheesemonger in addition to a rock music critic?

Well he's still insufferable.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Just Ride...reminds me of that
40's Bike Safety Manual
which was originally titled
Just Die.

crosspalms said...

As an Australian cheesemaker, I approve of wheels that "leverage all of the trickle-down technology from Fulcrum’s top-shelf offerings while still remaining an economic choice for season after season of reliable use." It's how I make cheese, too. Low-spoke-count cheese. Yum.

Anonymous said...

Holy shit you take a lot of time off. You know how much time Tilford takes off? NONE. Zip. He posts when he's sick. He posts when he travels. Sometimes he posts 2 or 3 times a day.

Slacker.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. BSNYC --

My dog opines re your latest post: "That's cold 'bro."

I have no idea what he's talking about.

He assures me the whole canine leg-humping thing isn't sexual. It's just about letting folks know who the bitch is.

Mr. McFly -- you ask him if he's just pulling your leg. I'm not going there.

crosspalms said...

I like the gravity drivetrain on that Bergmunch, but I think I'd rather go downhill on foot, making clopping noises with coconut halves. And I'd rather use my bike to get uphill, not carry the damn thing on my back. Even if it were lighter than milk.

bikesgonewild said...

...well, i kinda wish i hadn't traded my good road bike for a new 'hawtins of blackpool bumster' 'cuz i can't imagine ever getting on the podium whilst cheekily 'riding' that machine...

...i DO get a lot of limp wristed waves & 'yoo hoo''s in certain parts of town though...

...(not that there's any thing wrong with limp wristed waves & yoo hoos')...

...i'm just sayin'...

leroy said...

And ride warm all!

(I'll be wearing bib-tights all weekend. You can never be too careful if your dog idolizes Cipo.)

Anonymous said...

Who's this Tilford? (serious question)

JB said...

All I can picture that "lightest bike, like evar" doing is turning into a bushel of toothpicks the first time you're cornering hard and hit a bump.

JB said...

Hey Snobby,
What is your other North American handmade bicycle, besides the SS mtn bike? Are Big Dummys made in the States?

DogShot said...

Woo hooo! Got em all.

bikesgonewild said...

...@jb...that would be a 'crotchful of toothpicks'...& painful ones at that...

BikeSnobNYC said...

JB,

I have a Ritte road bike that was made right here in Canada's scranus.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Paul Bowen said...

First time I aced the quiz, first time I read RTMS on an iPad. Coincidence? You decide. Been a brill week, cheers Snobbers. Nice weekend all.

thad said...

BSNYC,

I made a little video of bike riding in the woods with my dog.
http://www.pinkbike.com/video/244650/

Unknown said...

lotta honkies in here.

Anonymous said...

The point I'm going to make will prove me a graybeard of considerable age. Davis California has long been at the forefront in terms of cycling infrastructure.

I'm from a town in the Bay Area that back in the 70's was way ahead of the curve in terms of cycling infrastructure. Even still, anyone who was at all serious about cycling knew that Davis was #1 in that department.

Of course I'm talking about bike lanes and places to lock up one's bike, as well as th amount of cyclists per capita, not top-tube-pad production, or cargo-bike use.

Anonymous said...

Damn, I used to visit the Rivendell site pretty regularly, but I can't stand how Peterson's writing style has become overly precious and embittered at the same time.

Forgive me if I take your recommendation with a grain of salt.

zoomer said...

Weed panties!

mikeweb said...

If Ingmar Bergman had made a cycling movie, that Anki flick would be it. He should see if Max Von Sydow wants to sign on.

Does that milk gallon bike have crabon fibre rear dérailleur pulleys!? Really?!?!

Yes, I bet Grant Petersen Is preparing to lay down some lugged steel smack as we speak.... Er, type(?)

JB said...

BSNYC,
Thanks. I suppose I believed that Ritte-hater from a while back that (I recall) claimed Rittes were made in Mongolia's scranus. Ride on.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

100% on quiz And rocked the fat cock bonus question also. Nice. Funny week of bike news snob thanks. Have fun at the hand-job blah-blah-blah. Have a nice weekend all.

bikesgonewild said...

...while ol' grant petersen borders on 'curmudgeonly' these days, ya gotta love the guy...

...he is so thoroughly a 'bike guy' that even if he told you to your face that you were an idiot for riding what you're riding instead of what he would suggest, you still just have ta say 'thanks, grant, i'll take that into consideration'...

McFly said...

Why the crap did they leave the screw out of the rear derueuieulllleuur on that FEATHERBIKE yet there is like, 3/4 of an inch of excess axle/skewer sticking out the nut in the same picture. Design flaw extrodinaire.

Anonymous said...

The "unusual bicycle" reminds me of the recliner George Clooney builds in "Burn After Reading."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDs4AYWKzwc

Anonymous said...

Fucking Diggleman can lick my love pump.
I'll pay any fair price for that unusual bikecycle - now how do you remove the seat.
Oops, is this thing on (tap, tap)
Er, uh, that is to say - never mind.

Anonymous Coward said...

Yes! After a long dry spell, I once again aced the quiz. Meh-ctacular, who cares.

@Anon 1:49
I do not think that word mean what you think it means

Comment deleted said...

I'd like to place a bid on the "Hemmor-ride" please.

Comment deleted said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Comment deleted said...

"what kind of self-respecting doctor shopping for a $1.2 million home doesn't ride a Serotta?"

A Davis doctor. Even the dentists here tow carts behind their Serrotae.

Anonymous said...

My problem with Grant Peterson is that he's such an absolutist.

He never misses an opportunity to proclaim that clipless pedals are dangerous, lacking any positive attributes, while at the same time, he'll shamelessly charge $2,000 for a frame set that weighs in at eleven gallons of milk.

bikesgonewild said...

...комментарий удален ... я думаю, что у вас есть скрытые мотивы...

...просто говорю...

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Wm. Douche'speare said...

minimalism is ...

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 5:03pm...if only we could get grant to switch to skim milk...

Dr. Satan said...

ATTN: Baby Jeebus

Get a tetanus shot immediately!

Buffalo Bill said...

I don't mind Grant Peterson's writing, not sure I'd pay to read it, but...

What I really hate is people quoting Grant Peterson on a ride. Fortunately the solution is to speed up a bit.

Billy said...

@JB:

Ritte makes two kinds of bikes:

* Crabon racing bicycle cycling machines made to spec in Mongolia's beefy bottom bracket.
* Handmade steel replacement horses made in the USA.

Snob has the latter.

Olle Nilsson said...

I'm getting tired of reading about Portlanders trying to out-smug each other, but I read it anyway. In fact, I had to click on the link, because I was almost convinced you made it up. One question, does his wife make Australian cheese or is she an Australian who happens to make cheese? #enquiringmindswanttoknow

Cipo said...

eating pussy

JDH said...

Nailed the effing quiz! But I really would like to see the unusual bicycle.

Anonymous said...

Anon @ 2:57 asks "Who's this Tilford?"

http://stevetilford.com/

52 Year old pro bike racer blogger guy and Mtn Bike Hall of Famer.

A hero to many of us, he will soon join the Gerousia and bring light into these dark times of ours.

ALL HAIL TILFORD!

JDH said...

That was not all that unusual. I rode my bike that way with my girl on my lap. Many moons ago.

Anonymous said...

Such is the feedback from a blog
When peterson equips a damaged hog

After my poor bicycle was stole
I to a community bike shop for a dole

A craigslist loser was to follow
It left me feeling cold, hallow

Twas redeemed only after I saved
Of course, a bit more money was paid

Lowly council fingers the electric job
The only bike fit for many a slob

Shortsighted propaghandists who can't spell
Must have an existence just short of hell

Olle Nilsson said...

Ugh, hectic day at work and skimmed too fast. Still, last thing anyone needs is Davis producing Portland-like stories.

leroy said...

My dog likes Italo Calvino, but prefers Umberto Eco.

I think it's just because he prank calls the Bushwick Country Club to have him paged.

It cracks him up when the bartender asks "Is there an Umberto Eco in here?"

McFly said...

Is there an Umberto Eco in here?

BlogginCock said...

Ecosaurus

Anonymous said...

A Bike Love Story:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VtH_4is-KoM

screaming skull said...

Umberto!

Doucheley Doucheright RCMP said...

Cipo just returned from Tibet. He had the 'monkey dick' operation. Prehensile pee-pee. AWESOME!!!!

crosspalms said...

A new book from you AND a book from Grant Petersen. Should be a good year. I'm looking forward to both of them. If David Byrne does the audio version of both books and I ride my Petersen-designed 650B-shod Bleriot listening to them on my iPod, will the smugness level set off alarms or something?

McFly said...

So how about Wiggins in the wet? That was impressive. Also, 2 Yanks in top 4, not too shabby.

Celine Douche' Podium Slut said...

When Cipo went 'HARD LEFT' on me I almost lost me mind.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Late post today?

Oh, wait...what?

Oh, never mind...

Cipo said...

This pussy's making me thirsty.

Anonymous said...

No post to read so let's rehash an earlier post discussion point.

I like what bicycling does in that they limit their rankings to sizable cities.

Davis has a college and. . . Its a lot lot San Luis Obisbo: small, not a super diverse economy, a college town, so to speak.

The political climate in these places is something different from that in Sac or SF or Oakland.

Never been to Davis; have wanted to see the biketopia for a while

Anonymous said...

Fuck Davis!

Davis Phinney said...

Hey man watch it. Also, my boy did not go fast yesterday.

Focus503 said...

Pretty minimal track on the "winter of my discontent" pron video. Is that a Plastikman joint?

Gunter Mai said...

How could you not point out that the World's Lightest Road Bike(tm)(c)(.)(.) is so light that it stands up by itself?!

http://antranik.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/1035_Worlds_Lightest_Bike_1.jpg

So much more Epic than a disembodied hand!

Anonymous said...

@Davis Phinney

The place!
Not the person!

The lad rode well good in France today.

bikesgonewild said...

...went past 'davis', the town, not the guy, 4 times in the last couple a' days on the way to & from the handbuilt show...

...know whats fucking cool ???...

...when you spend two days looking at some of the most amazing bicycles ever produced on the planet & you realize that while you could covet bunches of 'em, you're as happy with the little ol' bike you chose years before to the point where you wouldn't give it up for any of 'em...

...that's what's fucking cool...

cramitsucko said...

Scranal taint monster!! Quit taking breaks Snobby,I don't get any why should you? What about those of us who depend on you for some fucking sanity? I'll bet you never thought of that did ya?

Anonymous said...

Damn our sanity, Snobby's leaving us all.

[drink shot of whiskey from flask]

He is leaving us for the Free Zone in Boulder.

ken e. said...

like a little spotted dog!

Billy said...

@Gunter Mai: I think that's only slightly more epic. Go go gadget Photoshop.

@bgw: I had to have the break-up talk with my bicycle recently. It's not her, it's me. I just don't think it's fair to her to have to settle. We should see other people/bikes for a while and make sure we really are as compatible as we think we are.

PS - Snob! I miss you!

Davis Phinney said...

anon 11:32,
Yes he did. I have to go now....Sweet sweet Connie is doing her act, she had the swole hole and that's a natural fact.....

bikesgonewild said...

....billy, billy, billy - not the "...it's not you, it's me..." conversation ???...i mean, really ???...

...that one just never sits well no matter how it's 'explained/justified'...

..."i just knew i should never have trusted him when he said he wanted to hang with his buddies on the weekend...they prob'ly ended up at the 'pink palace/handbuilt bike show' & now i'm not good enough 'cuz he's got his eye on some 'slutty little whore/custom ti, roloff hubbed townie' & i though he was my true love/gonna ride me forever..."...

...i can't blame you for moving on billy but "...it's not you, it's me..." is never pretty...

Billy said...

I just can't see myself ever settling down with a frame with vertical dropouts and no fork or stay eyelets.

There's only so much you can do putting Hebie and Velo Orange parts on a Specialized "performance hybrid" frame.

At some point you have to look yourself in the mirror and say "this isn't me".

Douche' Murrray said...

'Stuck in a Ground Hog day life loop Guy' wrote;

I keep taking the Fried-day quiz every single day and I keep getting zero! Perhaps if I stop fook'in over every fellow human being I come in contact with and put down the powerbong for an hour or two I'll ace that quiz and get on with me own life?!

Your Tubes said...

Can any of you fellow cyclistas figger out why thid VID has gotten 23+ million views?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFyVs_766S4

McFly said...

Billy, Billy, Billy.....

McFly said...

Bikes are like women. You can have more than one, it's just not ideal to ride two at the same time. It can cause injuries. Just wrap that drop bar tight. And if you like mounting the fat tire model just wait til after dark. And don't be grinding away on one's bottom bracket going on about how more supple and horizontally compliant your other frame is. Oh whatever just do what BGW says....or not.

Anonymous said...

Cipo has finally finished with that pussy and now wants to eat up miles in the Giro

McFly said...

Cipo knows of what I speak...

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G*D said...

You can all just suck on my Higgs Boson!

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Nationwide Auto Loan said...

All I can image that "lightest motorcycle, like evar" doing is converting into a bushel of toothpicks once you're cornering challenging and hit a push.

Check This Link said...

What about that quiz??

Mikes,
http://the2girlsteachsex.com/2-girls-teach-sex-review/

Robert said...

That 1950's cartoon looks funny, I like it. Not so much what's happening in it.

Website said...

Any updates folks???

Mikes,
http://taoofbadass101.com/the-tao-of-badass-review