If On a Winter's Night a Fun Quiz:
My Introduction to the BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz
by deceased Italian author Italo Calvino
You are about to begin the BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz. Relax. Concentrate. Lock your front door so your neighbor with diarrhea doesn't wander in and loudly use your bathroom again. Put your dog in the freezer so he doesn't distract you by humping your leg. While you're at it, why not defrost and enjoy a Hungry-Man™ frozen dinner? Did you know I was the Hungry Man™ spokesman from 1980 to 1980-and-a-half? As it turns out, the Swanson company crossly overestimated the overlap between the contemporary Italian literature and pre-prepared frozen meal markets, and so my tenure as spokesman was a short one. Still, they paid me handsomely nevertheless. The fact is there are no hard feelings between Swanson and me, and I still believe Hungry-Man™ frozen dinners are great to eat while your're reading, and they're especially delightful while you're taking a quiz.
In any case, turn up the thermostat, adjust your scuba flippers, clean your bifocals with Windex, and enjoy the quiz.
Well, I think Italo Calvino mostly covered it with his intro, but I should add that I will not be posting updates to this blog on Monday, March 5th and Tuesday, March 6th, but will return on Wednesday, March 7th with regular updates. Please note the reason for my absence is not that I'll be going to Sacramenty for the North American Handmade Blah-Blah-Blah. Instead, I'll be staying here in New York, mostly because I already own two North American handmade bicycles and if I look at any more than that at once I'm liable to puke. No, the reason for my absence is that I'm working on a project. "What kind of project?," you're not asking right now because you couldn't care less. Well, let's just say it's a work-in-progress currently on display at the North American None Of Your Business Show. Also, I'll go ahead and dispel any rumors that this project is of a musical nature, and that it will include a ripping Eddie Van Halen solo like Michael Jackson's "Beat it."
Speaking of projects, Grant Petersen of Rivendell has a book-shaped project called "Just Ride," and it comes out on May 8th:
I was fortunate enough to receive an early copy and I sincerely thought it was great. It is full of the sort of advice and opinion that would make Mike Sinyard cry, and you can pre-order copies from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, IndieBound, or Workman. I'll also point out that the tall trim size puts you in an upright, comfortable position, just like one of the author's bikes. And if you want to make Grant Petersen cry, just show him "the world's lightest road bike:"
the "lighter than milk" metric:
"A gallon of milk is 40% heavier than this bicycle."
In other words, now you can finally carry that half-gallon of milk with you on your road rides without worrying about the weight penalty.
Yes, of all the various forms of bike porn, weight-weenie bike porn is undoubtedly the saddest and lamest. At least handmade bike porn has fancy paint jobs and pointy lugs. Meanwhile, weight-weenie porn is just stuff like saddles with no padding and derailleurs that are missing screws:
Of course, in 2012 we're no longer limited to still-life bike porn, and video bike porn is becoming increasingly popular. Consider the following video, which was sent to me by the filmmaker:
Anki / FTT from Oyvind Naess on Vimeo.
This is undoubtedly the greatest person-doing-absolutely-nothing-except-riding-a-cyclocross-bike video ever made, and I'm looking forward to the sequel in which he does exactly the same thing only in slightly different pants.
Lastly, a reader tells me that Davis, CA is apparently looking to supplant Portland, OR as the bike business-friendliest city in Canada's bedpan:
In fact, they even have a cycling realtor who shows houses by bike:
Agents Leslie Tuel and Leslie Blevins – who call themselves Team Leslie and wear cycling jerseys emblazoned with their logo – keep a fleet of rainbow-colored cruiser bikes for clients to use.
"It seemed like the perfect idea in Davis," Tuel said.
Last weekend, Team Leslie showed a home listed at $1.2 million to UC Davis physician Erik Laurin, his wife, Sacha, an Australian cheesemaker, and their three children. All arrived on two wheels, the youngest wearing a green shark helmet.
As they oohed and ahhed over the hot tub, outdoor fireplace and climate-controlled wine storage, they said arriving by bike gave them a better sense of the neighborhood and appealed to their cycling sensibilities.
I love bikes and all, but I also think some businesses should remain car-based. Call me old-fashioned, but I can't trust a realtor who doesn't wear leopard print, drive a 1987 Mercury Cougar and smoke Virginia Slims. Also, what kind of self-respecting doctor shopping for a $1.2 million home doesn't ride a Serotta?
("26-inch mountain bike? Are you sure I can't show you something a little less expensive?")
Then again, he is Erik Laurin the physician, not Erik Laurin, DDS.
And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see an unusual bicycle.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and see you on March 7th.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
1) One day, after years of rehabilitation, Mary will walk again.
(Everybody diggs the Diggelmann.)
2) Walter Diggelmann has won every Tour de France for the last 60 years.
3) When stealing a cockpit, always be sure to:
--Completely cut the brake cables
--Establish whether the handlebar manufacturer's measurements are center-to-center or outside-to-outside
--Use a torque wrench, especially crucial for today's lightweight crabon fiber components
--Enter coupon code COCKYGRAB for free shipping from Nashbar (now through Monday only)
4) Load up those panniers! The cycling industry now considers this a "touring" wheel.
5) The Mario Cipollini:
--Performs flawlessly, with only occasional creaks
--Performs creakily, with only occasional flaws
--Performs occasionally, with frequent leaks
--Will be 11-speed, electronic, and fully self-lubricating for 2013
6) This person is:
--"Planning to launch a bicycle-based roofing company in Portland, OR that uses only sustainable roofing materials."
--"Riding across the United States on a bamboo recumbent bike of my own construction."
--"Completing the entire Paris-Roubaix race route on a unicycle."
--"Embarking on a 40-day bike journey from Amherst, Massachusetts to Milwaukee, Wisconsin toting a typewriter behind me."
(Ravi the Human Brompton in mid-fold.)
7) Move over, Brompton! It's:
--The foldable Segway
--The telescoping longboard
--The S&S coupled pennyfarthing
--The bicycle backpack
***Special Fat Cock-Themed Bonus Question***
Where can you get some fat cock with your corn flakes and cigarettes?
--Cape Town, South Africa
--The Portland, OR "Cock, Flakes, 'N Butts Trike!"