Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Motivation and Litigation: The American Way

Depending on where you live, you may be experiencing the cold, snow, and snotcicles associated with what meteorologists call "winter." Furthermore, if you're one of those people who rides a bike but really doesn't enjoy it (or what some people call "a roadie"), you may be searching for "motivation" to continue riding your bike until we reach the "woosie"-coddling months of spring--at least that's what various cycling-related websites and periodicals seem to think. Fortunately, these same publications are ready to come to your aid with advice to help you through this difficult time. Here's just one example:

I have no problem finding "motivation." I just enjoy riding my bike, yet at the same time I have no real problem not riding my bike if weather conditions are such that riding a bike becomes totally unpleasant. I'm not necessarily saying "If it rains take the bus," but I am saying that if there's 19 feet of snow on the ground and people are dying then it's perfectly fine to stay in and watch a movie.

Still, I am fascinated with the literature of cycling motivation, and the one above was a good example. And while all of these reasons were fairly ambiguous, I found this one by far the most vexing:

Legitimize Your Training

Another reason to stay motivated is that it makes training seem more important. When you are motivated, your workouts take on a greater meaning. They are part of a bigger picture.

What you do defines who you are, and doing what you want to do makes your life seem like it has more meaning. There is no need to go to your Facebook page to look for "existence verification". You are out there doing what you want to do and it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks.

What does that even mean? Have I just discovered the secret of Fred-dom? Is the notion that "training" is somehow different than just riding a bike what gives people the will to live? This is a frightening thought. If anything, I think anybody searching for "motivation" to ride through the winter is in serious need of some good de-motivation. To that end, here are my four tips:

1) Your workout is meaningless. Do you enjoy doing hill repeats at the crack of dawn on 20 degree days? Great, if that's your idea of fun then by all means keep doing it. But don't confuse it with an activity that has "meaning," because there's no "bigger picture," and your "workout" is about as meaningful as a dog humping somebody's leg.

2) If you're looking for motivation to ride, don't ride. You're supposed to be having fun. Needing "motivation" to ride your bike is like needing porn to have sex. Your desire to ride should be self-sustaining, like your erection.

3) Repeat these words to yourself: "Fuck it, it's too cold outside." The "sponsor" your club team cajoled into letting you put their name on your jersey couldn't care less how you do in the races nobody's going to be watching this coming spring. In fact, they'd prefer it if you just left them alone. If you don't feel like riding then do something else until you do feel like riding.

4) Stop watching your weight. Do you enjoy riding your bike in winter? Me too. So just keep in mind that seals and sea lions have a layer of fat for a reason, and you should not be drinking Skinnygirl White Cranberry Cosmos all winter in some misguided attempt to stay fit. Here's what happens to people who don't gain weight in winter: they "motivate" themselves to ride by starving themselves and riding when they don't want to, they get sick right away because their bodies are weak and defenseless, they keep riding anyway with their Skinnygirl White Cranberry Cosmo-sipping friends because they all need to stay "motivated," and they spend the entire winter in pacelines, inhaling each others mucus mist, re-infecting each other, and generally being sick and miserable. So please, drink lots of beer, it's the best thing for you.

Of course, the exceptions to all of this are professional bike racers, because unlike us it's their job to ride even when they don't want to. And yes, like any employee, sometimes these professional bike racers need incentives and motivation in order to keep doing what they're doing. For example, one way a directeur sportif might motivate a rider is by putting an eagle on his jersey that will bite off his "pants yabbies" if he slows down:


Yes, it's the 2012 Team Saxo Bank kit, as modeled by Alberto Contador:


Shown here giving his best "a bird of prey is currently threatening my genitals" grimace:

I can't wait until this kit is available for sale, because the eagle should look particularly menacing when it's being stretched by all those protruding Fred bellies. In any case, I guess in the world of pro cycling couture scary birds are the new fake "six pack:"

Of course, Team Saxo Bank will also be riding the Specialized S-Works UltraWhateverWhoCares SL8 McLaren Vulva, and not the Volagi Liscio, which is made by a company Specialized is currently suing:

Here's a closer look at the bike:

According to the Mercury News, Specialized are accusing the two former employees who designed this bike of stealing "trade secrets" in order to do so, and as far as I can tell those Specialized trade secrets include:

--Using the color red in conjunction with the color black;

--Using a logo comprised of the first letter of the brand name;

--Employing pointlessly swoopy crabon tubes and ascribing mystical ride qualities to them;

--Affixing a high price tag to the bike;

--Equipping the bike with two wheels, handlebars, and a saddle.

In particular, Specialized claim the Volagi Liscio is a ripoff of their "Roubaix" bikes:

Specialized alleges in court documents that Choi and Forsman schemed to design a bike to rival their line of "Roubaix" bikes, which can sell for as much as $11,000 and is described as one of the company's "most significant sources of revenue."

The "Roubaix" line is of course Specialized's line of comfortable long-distance road bikes, and every bicycle aficionado knows that Specialized invented the concept of the comfortable road bike. Indeed, nobody had ever conceived of such a thing before. For that matter, Specialized also invented the concept of the long road ride (Specialized v. Rapha, settled for undisclosed amount), and the pneumatic tire (Sinyard v. Dunlop, 1887), and the road that goes from one city to another (lawsuit pending against Roman Empire), and the wheel (Sinyard v. A. Caveman, 1,000,000BC). So it's no surprise that Specialized should also take aim at a couple of upstarts who were audacious enough to market and sell a safety bicycle (Sinyard v. Lawson, 1876).

Oh, and Roubaix, France? You can rest assured they'll pay dearly for stealing that name, Specialized will see to that.

Needless to say, the guys from Volagi are indignant. Said Robert Choi of Volagi to Velo-whatever-they're-called-now:

“He’s saying ‘this is my fucking bike,’ just because the bike is red. They think they own the red color. I’m pretty sure SRAM has a component group called Red.”

“We’ve spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on this. We spent more money on the lawsuit than the entire gross revenue of the bikes we’ve sold. Our houses are mortgaged. (Specialized) spent a million and a half dollars. For a million and a half dollars they should have bought our company,” Choi said.

I'm sure the lawsuit against SRAM is pending. Choi also had this to say to the Mercury News:

"We thought it was the American way for us to quit the company and go on our way. They just didn't like that we had a successful bike, perhaps. And they thought we would just cave."

Actually, he got that wrong. Until a few decades ago the American way was to work for a company until you die, but now the American Way is for a huge company to use the money it saves by making things overseas to sue its competitors out of existence.

Meanwhile, Specialized's Beloved Leader Mike Jong-Sinyard also made cycling news recently when he took on Amazon:

And in turn the cycling accessory brands who collude with them:

Participating brands include Pearl Izumi, Shimano, Louis Garneau, Giro, Bell, Fizik, Sidi and CatEye.

In other words, every company that isn't Specialized. And in so doing, Sinyard also too the opportunity to taunt a company that actually had the audacity to sue Specialized:

In related news of brands that leverage the IBD while simultaneously undercutting them, Easton-Bell Sports dropped the fruitless suit it filed against Specialized before Interbike. Was this legal maneuvering just carried out for publicity?

Here's what that lawsuit was about:

Bell Sports alleges that Specialized threatened to withhold high-end bicycle inventory from dealers carrying Giro cycling shoes and that some dealers were told they would not receive their year-end purchase volume incentives or manufacturer rebates if they continued to sell Giro cycling shoes. As a result, Specialized dealers who carry Giro shoes have canceled existing orders, retracted on verbal product orders or asked Giro to take back inventory on their shelves, the suit documents stated.

“A line has been crossed,” said Greg Shapleigh, senior vice president of Giro and Easton Cycling. “They’ve stopped simply providing financial incentives for retailers who support their brand and their business to telling them what they can and can’t buy even if they’ve met the obligations of the agreement they signed with Specialized initially. Retailers can’t buy the products they think are right for their business and consumers don’t in many cases have all the choices that they should have. All we want is the ability to sell our footwear to dealers who want to carry it.”


Whew! Between filing and defending against lawsuits, Specialized's legal fees must be astronomical. I wonder how they pay for it all:

(All You Freds Finance My Litigiousness)

Anyway, it's tempting to portray Specialized as a new-age Red Menace determined to gain a monopoly on the entire pursuit of cycling, but the truth is they're genuine innovators, and they would never use someone else's idea:


That grip looks pretty familiar to me, but I can't remember where I've seen it. It could have been on some douchey blogger's custom mountain bike. Incidentally, numerous commenters on yesterday's post took issue with my sublimely comfy grip choice for some reason, which inspired me to revise my New Yorker Caption Contest submission thusly:

The fact that people think they're dorky only makes me love them more.

Lastly, a number of people have forwarded me the following bike:

Which will be used on an expedition to the South Pole:

The cutting-edge polar exploration technology includes futuristic components such as a Brooks saddle:

The saddle is made of extra-tough organic leather and copper rivets. "A plastic seat would shatter like glass in Antarctica's sub-zero weather," says Fortune.

Power Grips:

The metal cage pedals are designed with power straps specially set to fit Skelton's snow boots. This will allow her to pedal with full 360-degree power as if she was in standard cycling shoes and pedals.

And a fetching red, black, and white "colorway," which will doubtless have Specialized's attorneys calling in short order.

They discovered the south pole, you know.

187 comments:

Not Dead Yet! said...

Not Dead Yet!

Blog Drafter said...

2nd!

Kenny said...

I would love to see an episode of House where House is like, temporarily stricken with hypochondria.

Blog Drafter said...

Sweep!

Blog Drafter said...

Dang, no sweep.

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Blog Drafter said...

That looked like a long post I scrolled through, now to read.

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Anonymous said...

Panties!

ken e. said...

what!

ken e. said...

dammit.

ringcycles said...

distracted by the triplets dropping their panties

Anonymous said...

january haschish

theEel said...

WeED.

Anonymous said...

"Those people who rideS a bike"? Come on, Snob, it's "those peeps who RIDE (no s) a bike." Subject-verb agreement! I know grammar and the finer points of the language bore most people and are generally regarded as less important than the difference between a ten-speed cassette and an eleven-speed for riders who don't know what to do with five speeds, but still! I pay no hard-earned cash to read this blog, so as as self-important American I'm entitled to expect the finest in subject-verb agreement, no matter what the cost.

Anonymous said...

Hey, shuts up!

Kenny Banya said...

The best part is that it DOES look like a Roubaix.

Anonymous said...

sounds like legalese:

ERGO GRIP

In Mexico, they got 'E-works'....

Anonymous said...

Damn Amazon, telling people to manhandle a shop's merchandise and then buy it online. that's really shitty.

Shops should cover the industry bar codes with their own price tags and install cell jamming technology in the shops.

Do you hear me shops? Fight back!

RB1 said...

'What you do defines who you are, and doing what you want to do makes your life seem like it has more meaning.'

do be do be do

Anonymous said...

You know what's dumb on a road bike? Disc breaks, thats what.

Bike Snob Punkin Center said...

Damn. To think I left that minibike behind the shed when I moved away from Oklahoma. Some pedals and a nice new paint job and I'd have a cutting edge trekking bike.

Anonymous said...

Anon 12:41

Most modern discs don't break. Those old Amp-Rockshox things would be pretty stupid on a road bike, I do agree.

Kenny Banya said...

I think bike market diversity is good, and I wish any upstart success in the face of a Specialized or Trek dominance, but did you see that colorway and logo? What a couple of un-original bastards!

Where's Bad Lawyer when we need him?

OBA said...

Mike Sinyard's lawyer is on the phone...they're suing you for use of the letter S in your blog's title.

Anonymous said...

The dumbest things about that Specialized bike are the disc brakes. Nobody needs disc brakes on any bike, except maybe DH MTBers. And what they probably really need is a brain transplant. But I guess spending 11 grand on your bike is one way to make sure you stay motivated. . . .

Marcel Da Chump said...

You're a dis-inspiring
de-motivational blogger.
Much obliged.

Guy From India said...

Nobody really needs shoes either.

Woosies.

television_writer said...

The Hanebrink lives! That arctic/beach bike has been around for well over a decade now.

FYI, Hans did some very interesting suspension designs before consumers decided their mountain bike had to look like a motorcycle.

Nice to see Hans is still at it.

You otta tell em' said...

Very nice posting today.
I like when you make fun of the big stupid jerk companies.

Awesome!

I never buy specialized again.
The shoes are nice but Mike teh douche can eat my toe jam.

Anonymous said...

This whole people-suing-people over who can sell what business is effing hilarious. And none of it would be worth the legal fees if morons didn't pay a gazillion dollars so they could have the pricey brand on the downtube and ride no better than some guy on a Walmart bike. I'll stick with my 1980s steel Trek I bought on Ebay. Let somebody else pay Specialized's lawyers!

Burt Reynolds 531 said...

I have not contributed one dime to Sinyard's warped world veiw for many years now. What a tool.

I am not a specialized engine said...

"Specialized S-Works UltraWhateverWhoCares SL8 McLaren Vulva"

Brilliant,

Having worked in a bike shop which sold specialized, I am sure many will agree that specialized could not give a shit about the retail bike outlet.

They are the GM of bike companies, forcing us to buy bikes that we could not sell, and not supplying us bikes we could sell.

Ooops, sorry, that is why I quit working there, when will the nightmares stop?

Bob said...

If Blue Peter is not the perfect name for a polar expedition, I do not know what it would be.

Anonymous said...

I love After Eights.

JDH said...

Got boxed in. #7th?

Amazon said...

Hey come crawling back to me when you are buying Christmas presents at the end of the year. Saving money is like, really LAME.

Neil said...

I totally need to get one of those SaxoBank snorkeling suits. I'll be the 'belle of the beach'!

shu-sin said...

i was shooting snotcicle left and right on the commute this morning! one such snotcicle jammed the discbrakes on an S-Vulva. that's motivation enough for me to ride again tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

DETH PNGZ

Anonymous said...

Huh. No Scranus?

I want my money back.

Or you can give me two scranus' tomorrow and we'll be cool.

grammar Moses said...

Anon 12:27
..."as as self-important American"...I forgive typos.
BUT NOT FROM YOU!!!

Cortelyou Anquetil SL-K said...

There are NO (legal) mountain bike trails in Prospect Park.

As a line, Specialized is overpriced dogshit; ever go into a store that's a Specialized 'pro' shop or whatever their term is? Un-fucking-godly crabon hell! And very poorly made accessories!

re: winter riding, I love both the jerks who spend 45 minutes getting dressed (I've run 6 to 7 miles in that time) AND the wind trainer/roller masochists. Are they really training the the Ronde or, uh... Branch Brook or CRCA?

Grump said...

Training isn't supposed to be fun. Training is supposed to get you ready to have fun by crushing other people's dreams in the Tour de Industrial Park. 100 years from now, your great grandchildren wiii be able to find your 3rd place result on the internet, and say "Meh".

Loren said...

Thank you thank you THANK YOU! I have hated Specialized since they sued Mountain Cycle because the bike name "Stumptown" was too close to "Stumpjumper". The Stumptown was made by a Portland company, Portland being known as Stumptown. FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCKS, SPECIALIZED!!!!!

mikeweb said...

I suppose recumbabe has gone into hibernation for the winter.

ERCT NIPS

Anonymous said...

I think Giant should sue the shit outta Specialpies for stealing its 'OCR' concept (predates 'Roubaix' by a bit, IIRC). If any bike co. can 'out clout' the Big S, it would be Giant.
Would be fun to watch!
For that matter, Ergon (good choice, Snob) should sue the buggers as well, but I don't think they have resources to go the distance.

Anonymous said...

http://www.grist.org/biking/2012-01-03-fixies-to-the-people-building-a-business-on-no-frills-bikes

"Fixies were big in the 80's and it kind of died out"

wtf

Vanonymous said...

Hmm, didn't Specialized get their big break by ripping off other bike builders?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Specialized_Stumpjumper

PatrickBateman said...

Thank you for reassuring me that I'm doing just fine sitting on my arse when the weather turns cold. being from atlanta, i don't care to go out in anything below 55 degrees - brrrrr.

Also, i have great deals on:
Air Jordans - $49
Gucci Bags - $99
Looking for love? I have hot single ladies too.

JDH said...

Can't believe Schwinn isn't suing Shitsialized. Put some pullbacks on that S-Twat and it looks like a cruiser bike to me.

self-important Uhmerikan said...

Dear grammar Moses

You said:
"as as self-important American"...I forgive typos.
BUT NOT FROM YOU!!!"

First, you should know that overuse of exclamation points is ineffective. Second, it's too bad you didn't spot the fact that tht obviouss tupo wass put ther to fooll you intot hinkin you found an eror!

mikeweb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
televisiton_writer said...

If Specialized stopped buying from Giant then I think you might see some interesting new product from Giant at incredible low prices.

Topkey, Merida and Giant develop and make most of the carbon bikes you guys ride. If you ride an alloy, it's probably a Kinesis.

The only thing those employees stole were contacts from the OEM's that create everything for Specialized.

Anonymous said...

The "Specialized S-Works UltraWhateverWhoCares SL8 McLaren Vulva" is so last year. I replaced mine yesterday with a "GTXPDQ&2&302" and couldn't be happier. $16.5K well spent fun dollars.

mikeweb said...

@anon 1:27,

I don't know if Giant would want to sue Specialtits since Giant owns the factory that does the production for most of Specialtits bicycles. They can simply squeeze them that way. But I agree, that would be fun.

I worked for a shop back when cell phones were called pagers that sold Specialized. One day the rep came in and was bragging to the shop owner that they were using a new Taiwanese factory that "actually has a cement floor". Yes, as opposed to dirt.

Johan said...

That first pic of the Saxo Bank jersey briefly gave me hope that the US Postal Service had re-entered the cycling game and that Lance had come out of retirement.

Pat M. said...

@Johan,

Me too. I really miss all those wire transfers.

JDH said...

@anon 1:02-AMEN. My garage sale 1989 lugged steel made-in-Taiwan Trek 330 cost $1. F---k Specialized!

Anonymous said...

@Mikeweb,

True dat; didn't recall that dirty little fact at the time of writing.
Would still love to see Special-Ed sued, though!

grammar Moses said...

self-important Uhmerikan,
bad grammar entrapment is a serious offense.
It saddens me that you weren't being ironic.
Irony: when someone responds to a triple exclamations comment by saying they're ineffective.

Dave said...

Now I feel guilty about riding my specialized. Luckily its a cheap aluminum Allez that cost me a thousand bucks six years ago so I don't think I am funding any litigation.

Do you suppose they will sue L'Academie Francaise over their use of the word "allez"

Fingerbang Assistant said...

BLOO PTER

Anonymous said...

Don't forget, Specialized is the same company that purchased (not invented) the rights to the horst link in the US. So while the rest of the world rides cheap and efficient full suspension MTBs, Americans have the choice pay up for an alternative like Santa Cruz, riding a Epic Clodhopper, or getting a 4 link wanna be that rides like a pogo stick. Or you could triple the price for the Ellsworth cult image and get a regular ol' Horst Link for free.

Anonymous said...

They don't product enough EPO for Lance to come out of retirement.

Anonymous said...

I palp the lime green ergons for add'l wussie factor. still have my late-80's de-badged stumpjumper, but haven't thrown $ at any S-products since.

Sinyard sounds like when we used to grope each other on the playground in gradeschool.

Anonymous said...

I bet the derailleurs on that polar expedition bike freeze up 1km into the ride.

Anonymous said...

remember when Roubaix was a bike that Fuji made?

Bluntjumper said...

What if we told you those are some really cool, ultra-hip grips? Would you take a box-cutter and strip 'em to shreds? That's got to feel good.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous (1:19) said...
"Or you can give me two scranus' tomorrow and we'll be cool."

That would be "scranii"

Anonymous said...

@ Mikeweb 1:42
"I worked for a shop back when cell phones were called pagers that sold Specialized."

Where did you find a pager to sell Specialized?

Anonymous said...

I invite everyone to read Helen "Helter Skelter" Skelton's diary and bask in the ridiculessness.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/cbbc/diaries/helen-skeltons-polar-challenge-for-sport-relief


Highlites include:
- "Secret training" started on Dec 16 for preparation of 500 mile trek starting on Jan 4.
- "Kite skiing" packing and practice "on the beach rather than in -30 deg!"
- Plans to burn 10,000 calories a day, but "not sweat"
- Consuming only dehydrated food that "does not agree with her stomach"
- Riding an "ice bike" built by "designers in LA" that "did not work very well on sand" but will on snow and ice.
- 1st attempt at riding ice bike on actual ice made Dec 24th.
- Later riding said bike on snow and ice at a maximum speed of one (1) mph.
- After days of delays due to weather just to get to Antarctica, "hoping to travel 20km (12.5 mi) a day for 8 days to reach starting point," with comical rationaliziation that this distance per day can be doubled to make the 500 mile trek in 20 days.
- Camera frozen at -12 deg, obviously making the whole trip useless because it cannot be documented properly for mass hipster consumption.

Good luck Helen!

Anonymous said...

Do the spergons come with a special applicator?

JB said...

I've got a Fuji Roubaix hanging in my basement. I've been wondering if it's worth anything since I bought it from rental place for $90about 4 years ago.

CommieCanuck said...

"You know what's dumb on a road bike? Disc breaks, thats what."

Oh, never mind, that was too easy.

Disc Brakes are the 3DTV of cycling.

Anonymous said...

Correction: Skinny White Girl Cranberry Cosmo.

petrus said...

Snobby, methinks thou needest to over-S-type-charge thy readers more frequently, in such manner as to be capable of laying off yer damned 17 monkeys ("No monkey shall enter heaven." word of the lo'd), and hyre a real-S eidtor!
What in frigads-S-name does this mean: "And in so doing, Sinyard also too the opportunity to taunt a company that actually had the audacity to sue Specialized"
I also too the opportunity to read thy blog. Now get an editor.
Bees blood.

Anonymous said...

Anon 2:11

I also got stoned out of my gourd in a specialized shop smoking out of an broken allez frame bong.

Allez Allez Allez

CommieCanuck said...

"FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCKS, SPECIALIZED!!!!!"

Loren, holding back is unhealthy, tell us how you really feel.
Besides, getting rid of Stumptown only left ~380 bike manufacturers in Portland.

They did the same thing to my company for selling the "StumpYabbie" (not a cycling product).

Anonymous said...

Sinyard looks like a guy that wants to put his hand on your knee.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Good call spec'ing the Brooks on the Blue Peter bike. When the food runs out Helen can always chuck that thing in the pot and cook up some tasty hoosh while waiting for the rescue party.

That or club seals with it.

CommieCanuck said...

"Do you suppose they will sue L'Academie Francaise over their use of the word "allez"

Allex, good, or "Allez bien"

Maybe Speshulized should sue everyone for making a bike called "Roubaix", and sue the town of Roubaix, or change the name to "Roobay" for the American market.

Anonymous said...

I bought a stumppump at the porn emporium.
It didn't work and no warranty or refund.
Specialized sucks.

Anonymous said...

Good one, Snobby. Read an article about shell companies that buy up patents, produce nothing, and make money by suing startups out of existence.

Now time to train. Shit, nevermind. I was going to train but was turned off by the 62 degree weather in SF.

COLD ONES said...

Sheesh, someone should have pointed Helen to Jill Homer's blog for actual perspective on cold-weather cycling... http://arcticglass.blogspot.com/

grog said...

I'm with Mikeweb.
COLD BABE
BITN IPPY

Anonymous said...

Snob. What is the meaning of bikeen anyway?? I like bikeen, but if my workout is meaningless then wtf???

Anonymous said...

Anon 1:19 :

Two scranii?

yogisurf said...

Bad news for Contador...that eagle used to date Mario Cipollini.

g-roc said...

Snobby, I'd mock you for the Ergon grips, but sadly, I own some cheap Ergon knockoffs made by, er, Specialized. Hearing what a megadouche Sinyard is, makes me want to upgrade. At least I'm not palping one of his helments anymore.

That lady riding to the south pole is insane. There's a local guy here who's riding to Tuktoyaktuk NWT right now (soon to be in 24hr darkness) on a Big Dummy; and I thought he was insane. Seems perfectly reasonable compared to her.

Anonymous said...

An hour late and two scranii short.

g-roc said...

Oh, here's the link: http://cyclingintothedark.com/

RAGBRAI said...

Well said sir: "So please, drink lots of beer, it's the best thing for you"

Welcome to the training table.

Anonymous said...

It was so cold in nyc today that no one passed me on my ride into work.

If you ride a bike regularly you can't tell me that you don't get some residual pleasure from being part of the club in addition to the the pure joy of riding. we love reading about it, buying new crap we don't need, boring our friends and family with our riding exploits and latest purchases, etc. This blog exists because of our unhealthy obession with all things cycling. It's fun but it is definitely at least a small part of our identity. some people even make a career of just writing about cycling.

crosspalms said...

Those grips look pretty comfy to me. Way too comfy for training, of course, but comfy enough for a bike ride.

Anonymous said...

COCK HAWK

bikesgonewild said...

...michael sinyard was just inducted into the u.s. cycling hall of fame in davis california on november 5th as a 'contributor to the sport' of cycling...

...if you know a bit of the history of 'specialized', that should make you laugh or choke as the case may be...

...considering michael sinyard got his start selling bike parts & dope (pot) out of a volkswagen van & was widely known in the early mtb industry for stealing, whoops, i meant to say plagiarizing concepts & ideas & marketing them as his own, i'd suggest that michael sinyard has become over time, a despicably self righteous & out of touch clown...

...i'd say i'm amazed by the legal actions of 'specialized' over the years but having worked in the industry years ago for an mtb company that truly was innovative, i'm not...

...for guys like sinyard, there's no real concern about the health of the sport & activity of cycling or the actual health of the industry...

...it's all marketing & it's all about who's got the biggest piece of the piece...

...michael sinyard can be considered a winner by certain standards 'cuz he's got one of the biggest pieces of the pie...

...big fucking deal...

Damone said...

For the love of Lob, Snob, you gotta ace those grips.

Curti said...

Sinyard...that's what we called the vacant lot on our block.

White Lunch Bag said...

Where can I get some of those grips?

Judgmental, but not very said...

Sinyard should have to spend eternity with that "minimalist" twinkie WCRM keeps track of for slow douchenews days. They deserve one another.

Demba Ba said...

My namesake scored a first half goal against Manchester United, which reminds me: Snob, shred those grips.

Buy-cycle said...

Top 200? Helen Skelton is delicious. 'Like well aged and delicately cooked beef steak' Cooking with Alberto Contador.

Word Snob said...

Anonymous @ 12:27. Although snob is often maddeningly lazy about grammar, I think he's ok on this one.

via William Saffire:
"In another column, about the latest D.C. word whitelist, I began, "The keynote speaker was one of those privacy nuts who exhorts businesses to tighten up their software and databases lest they threaten customers with ever-more-dangerous identity theft."

That sent me to The Times archives, where, in a 1985 article, I laid out in exhaustive certitude when the subject one of those whatevers should be construed as singular to be matched by a verb like is and when it should be construed as plural to be matched by are. However, that was one of those confident diktats that was (were?) not followed in my own subsequent virtuoso gyrations. Instead, I have been matching the verb to the nearby plural noun, as in nuts. . .exhort, as if the verb's proximity to the antecedent word were controlling. But there has been a jarring incongruity between what I instructed then and what I do now."
I think Bill is basically saying do it however you want.

cheers, J

Buy-cycle said...

Congratulations Demba, casually lifted over Lindegaard.

Bavarican said...

Snob, if you upgrade those grips at the end of your 75 inch handlebar to the Ergon Lichtbau crabon (with bar ends), you will get additional motivation by feeling like a new boeing dream liner.

Anonymous said...

But Cav tried to force Sky into going over to the dark side - those specialshit bikes have got to be the katnkaboodle, right??

bikesgonewild said...

...lest i be misinterpreted, i don't fault sinyard for for building a 'cycling empire' for himself but i find the methods he's utilized to build that empire over the years to be despicable...

...but then again, i'd bet my relationship with cycling is more meaningful than his, despite the fact that he can afford to ride anywhere in the world, at any time, with who knows who...

...certain things money can't buy...

Chris Bollinger said...

That snow bike is ridiculous. And the comments contained from the SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA manufacturer convince me it's all a joke. I rode to work at -41F yesterday and my hydraulic brakes worked just fine. Also my plastic seat, seat post, handlebars, and everything else worked fine, just like they have for years. They are testing in the desert? Seriously?

They have a race every year called the Iditarod Trail Invitational. 350 or 1100 miles of riding in those same conditions, self supported as well. This all looks like a publicity stunt for the company. Especially when she is planning to kite power that overweight monstrosity.

Anonymous said...

k
insert that where necessary

Anonymous said...

a katnkaboodle that rides like @Petatodd? Me thinks not!

halo_out_of_reach said...

Finally thought of a caption...

"Mine's a halo bike, too."

Anonymous said...

Speaking of

JDH said...

Just now noticed the aero-bars on Helen's snow bike. When in Lob's name will she need those?

Tchmil Schm-mazel said...

Meanwhile in the cold, dark east:

It said of him that he only has two friends – euro and dollar.

Cat 6 Stevens said...

I'm being followed by a Moon Saddle
Moon Saddle, Moon Saddle.

J.P Morganthau said...

Saxo Bank?

Sexy Bank, where you money is HOT!

Ivanov of this said...

Comrade Snob, for the sake of all that's good and decent in these end of days, please rip off those unsightly, mis-begotten grips.

Anonymous said...

I can't grip a hard cock...about time I get some spergons for my shiv.

Anonymous said...

The Specialized Spooge Cream has saved my ass a few times. Goes on smooth and doubles as a tasty energy shot. I will keep one with me till the end of times.

Test Tickle said...

Damn you psychos are harshing on the Ergons. Have you even tried them?

On a SS they are pretty sweet for rockin' on the climbs - maybe a little harsh on tech downhill, however.

Fucking bike haters suck. Shut up and ride, you sound like roadies.

Anonymous said...

STFU, all of you.

Anonymous said...

Of course they haven't tried them, Test Tickle. That would be a fashion violation and they'd have to give their sisters' pants back.

Anonymous said...

I just checked the catalog and there is no such thing as Specilized Spooge Cream. You should your facts straight guy.

McFly said...

Anon 3:19, you said it brother. Furthermore, Specialized is a corporate machine fueled by greed. That's why I bought a CANNONDALE. I like to be different. Got to get me some aero bars. Oh and I wear mountain bike shoes. SPDC LEAT

g-roc said...

JDH 4:46 - probably inspired by the 125 MPH headwinds. She'll need the aerobars just to keep from going backwards.

Anonymous said...

I like the way the Spergons feel in my hand. I don't think the fixie guys get it and never will.
I am having a pair custom made out of bamboo with walnut accents. They have a little more flair, kind like an Oakley 3.
It pays to set yourself apart from the crowd and feel comfy.

Fred said...

I can't believe Snob has discovered the secret to Fred-dom. Someone's going to have a lot of explaining to do at next month's meeting.

Etherhuffer said...

Since I am riding a Fuji Gran Tourer SE, today's post just confuses me. What's a crabon fibre bike anyway? Do they come with places to stash my weed? Do they add the smell of steel to those things, like new car smell?

Helen Skelton, I have 2 words for ya: Roald Amundsen. You dear, are in the Scott camp it seems.

Vegas said...

Is that Clenny the Crow on the Finger Bangista's jersey? The one he'll be consuming after UCI finds him guilty? Just maybe? Hmmm.

Oh, and one of my many motivations is that it's 80 "DeesGrees" out here on the West Siyyyde this wizeek and I gotsta get my pedal on for all those homies out there stizuck under snowdrifts. I'll pour out a Skrawny Cracker Cosmotini for em, too (cuz I shur as hell ain't drinkin one).

mark said...

"Blue Peter presenter Helen Skelton is hoping to be the first person to use a bike to reach the South Pole..."
If you were a guy riding around Antartica on a bike YOU would be the "blue peter presenter"!!! IMHO

Caption Runner Up said...

Guy1 says: "I was going to ride today but it's too cloudy." GuyFreeballing down mountain cloud says: "WOOOHOOHOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Anonymous said...

Screw all your comments about the 'Evil S'.
I have a stable of their bikes because they are kick ass quality speed machines.
Sounds like a bunch of whiny east coast tree hugging tear jerkers.
Boys you need to grow a set if you come to California USA.

Bradford Cunnings

Jeffrey Duane said...

If you have to "go there" with the grips, you might as well get the glittery plastic ones with the colorful strips.

Anonymous said...

I just gave my daughter a Specialized Creampie for Christmas. It's a nice ride for a little girl. Someone was doing their homework.
Good job boys!

4fuxake said...

Ummm, jeez Brad, how many are in "a set"?

leroy said...

Riding in this morning made me happy.

Riding home when tired, not so much.

It's not the heat.

It's the humidity.

At least that's what I explained to the guy from Minnesota who dropped me on First Avenue this AM.

Anonymous said...

139!

Anonymous said...

140!

Anonymous said...

Cannondale is not litigious, they just renegotiate their debt.
Both lawyer bikes for apparent reasons.
Stay classy big bike companies!

Anomalous said...

Is it April 1st already? I mean, Blue Peter? And that bike! Somebody needs to tell the Iditabike people their wheels are waaaaaayyy too big. I can't imagine those turf tires negotiating anything down there but smooth flat ice without getting stuck.

Oh, and Specialized is an evil bastard, according to Mitt. He's pretty religious, you know.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I need to get a new girlfriend, When she says "Ididarod," she is not talking about some stupid dogsled race.

leroy said...

Don't think we all don't see what's going on here BSNYC.

This whole "just ride your bike because you feel like it" thing is a ploy to disrupt the competition's off season training regimes so you can claim KOM points on the Manhattan Bridge come spring.

Oh you're a sly one, you are.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Did you know that you can rearrange the letters in "Blue Peter Helen Skelton" to say "Blue pee on Helter Skelter" by only cheating a little bit?

Blew Peter said...

Oh,yer alla buncha sly barstards....

Anonymous said...

meanwhile back at castle greyscull...

Sinyard Liberation Army said...

Fuck Specialized and all Specialized apologists. It's a minor shame too because when I was a kid in the late '80s I had a pretty swell Rockhopper, though nobody should mourn a "U-Brake."

More recently, I've bought Specialized gloves and a floor pump because they strongarmed their dogshit into the only shop around and I found both products poorly made crap.

Doesn't make me wanna buy a Vilogia Crabonn but I'll damn sure never spend a dime on Specialized again.

bikesgonewild said...

...this just in...

...michael sinyard feels so bad about all this that for better truth in advertising, he's going to change the name of his company to 'greedalized'...

Anonymous said...

Looks like if there is more than 1 inch of snow the derailleur on that polar expedition bike is going to be jammed with snow. Frankly, I'd expect a Rohloff.

Anonymous said...

HELP. BIKE SNOB! I'm 16 and I'm having trouble convincing my parents that bicycles aren't just for 'children and crazy people.' They honestly think I'd be safer in a car - not that they would buy me one (and not that I would really even want one, excluding my brother's teal 80's Landcruiser with custom Christmas light interior) - which is INSANE, and they clearly have a closeted hatred and/or fear of bikes (people are usually afraid to be open about it; Minneapolis isn't a very tolerant community). They're terrified of 'bike muggers', any kind of describable weather condition, drunk drivers, the world after 9 pm, riding in or through neighborhoods without Starbucks franchises... It seems like they just brainstorm horrible things that can happen to people outside every time I say I'm going somewhere. I ride where it's smartest to ride, I wear lights, I follow the laws, I keep my bike in good shape, and usually wear a helmet, but they've been doing things like padlocking my spokes for two days after I forget a helmet on a one mile ride through our residential neighborhood, and I'm tired of getting lectured and called an idiot (A LOT) every time I come walk in the door with my bike. Can you write something that might shake them from their frustrating and kind of douchey ignorance? Or post a link to something? I know this isn't a new or unique problem but I don't know what to tell them.

ce said...

Caption: "Mike Sinyard? No, you won't find him up here. They say he was sent... you know... to the 'Sin Yard.'"

bikesgonewild said...

...nice, ce, nice...

...someday, somewhere down the road when your time has come, you'll get to go to heaven for that caption alone...

...st. peter - "...yo, ce, you're just in time...big ride with eddy, bernard & fausto @ 11:00...ernesto is waiting for you at the shop...got a new custom c-50 with your name on the top-tube...
..."...btw, the 'big guy' loved your joke about the 'sin-yard'...shared it with the fallen angel at a conference years ago...
..."oh, & guess who rides around down there on rims with no tires, different length cranks & rusty shifter cables ???...
..."...yep, yep, you got it...guys been pissed about it for years...anyway, welcome bro...when you ride up here, there's always a tailwind...always..."
...

Anonymous said...

....professional fluffer
....just saying

Anonymous said...

Wow what a bunch of small cocks.
The funny thing is that the man has a master plan and smokes good weed.
He is a patent cock blocker and an idea molester, but to own you have to own somebody.
Sorry ex employees/new kids on the block you should have went for the power lunch.

Spike Lemming

ce said...

Wild Bikes Gone Machine, thanks but I may have cancelled out the Frequent Faithmonger Points by myself owning a Specialized Epic (it's epic). Pity, the eternal omnidirectional tail wind does sound good. A paradise without need or want for blizzard confronting aerobars.

bikesgonewild said...

...spike, baby...if that's how he wants to go through life, that's his business, ya ???...

...if he's gotta have more toys than all the other kids, fine (i guess) & i doubt he'll ever see just how sad that kinda shit looks to others...

...he didn't come equipped with that kinda vision or concern...

bikesgonewild said...

...ce...it's never to late to go custom...rid yourself of the stigma, free your mind & your legs will follow...

...or just turn it into an epic single speed town bike...straight bar, rattle can flat black paint job, go from there...

Anonymous said...

I wAs amped watching fear factor and then my dog farted a bunch of roses.
They smelt way better than roses.
I am sure someone is a good guy and someone is a bad guy...all I want to know is who has the money?

Anonymous said...

Fred has the money, duh, wakey wakey!

Treks to Himalayas in india said...

Because the Himalayas, home of the snow, is the most impressive system of mountains on the earth, and for centuries the setting for epic feats of exploration.

Anonymous said...

Back when the Spec\ was launching their first suspension fork they tried to sue Joe Murray for the NAME FUTURE SHOCK.. Joe won he had prototypes dating back a couple of years.. they settled with him ,as they had already spent a large amount on advertising , The Knoa fork ended up being called the Z-links ..so they didn't win every suit they tried on...
I do think that it could probably be worse....at least hes making bicycles...?


MR.pissta


Mr. Pissta

JB said...

Anon @ 1:54am: Sounds like you have access to your bike as long as you wear your helmet. Therefore, wear your helmet and you can move out and do what you want in 2 years.

Also, what were you doing up at 2am? You have school today!

Anonymous said...

Having been a 'Roubaix' owner, I can tell you I have never been happier than when that piece of crap was bought by some idiot on ebay. Over here in the UK we have specialized concept stores; which are a artisan bike buying experience.

Personally I am now buying my bikes from anyone but Trek and Specialized. Planet X are pretty honest about their production location and price their bikes to suit. I even own a Planet X badged Ti bike manufactured for them by Lynskey. Will be happy to buy there product again and again. They even do a bike in red and black, I am sure Cuntalized will be contacting them shortly with a cease and desist.

Anonymous said...

'Needing "motivation" to ride your bike is like needing porn to have sex. Your desire to ride should be self-sustaining, like your erection.'

Phallic perpetual motion machines and smut-conjured hard-ons notwithstanding (no pun intended), we can safely assert that no it isn't and no it shouldn't. The pro racer disclaimer's a little lazy, too.

In almost every sphere of human endeavour (apart, by strange coincidence, from sex), getting oneself out of bed is a notorious barrier to spiritual, professional, athletic and even literary gratification.

If we switch "ride" for "write" and "your bike" for "your bike blog" the naivety (albeit rather winning) of the above position (no pun intended) maybe becomes (no pun intended) more apparent.

Anonymous said...

I remember reading about a bunch of pissed off Special Ed owners who discovered that the Manitou Somthingorother Ti forks on their new bikes actually had steel springs in them. Outwardly they looked identical to the aftermarket forks, which of course had titanium springs and were heavily advertised as such. What a bunch of lying asshole corporate maggots.

Anonymous said...

"Drink lots of beer, it's the best thing for you." Ha! Define lots. You mean more than I do in summer? If so, I'll never be fast enough to justify spending 18 grand on a Specialized! On the other hand, if I stick to one Lance beer (I mean the watered-down mouse pee they advertise annoyingly and incessantly during the Tour) per day, I'll obviously be so fast they'll create the 25 thousand dollar Specialized--and name it after me! On second thought, I''l stick to my Cooper's homebrew kit stout. It may not make me go fast, but it makes me feel good.

Babe Ruth said...

Lots of beer is relative, of course, different from one person to another just like any performance enhancing substance.

alex said...

Specialized, Specialized, Specialized...

lazyboy said...

That is the crappiest looking "moon bike" I have ever seen. Really? Somebody sold that to this expedition?

Burt Reynolds 531 said...

The iBob list is where Yehuda Moon hangs out with his buddies, playing dominoes, bemoaning the scarcity of high quality five speed freewheels, trading tips on which brands of knickers are more durable. They are nice people, but some of them will still insist mountain bikes are a silly fad. Some are into indexed shifting, even the new 8 speed setups, but suspension is not really something you want to bring up. And don't mention WCRM. A few like him, some think he's the Antichrist. Most just think he's cheeky and rude.

Jasper said...

What you Amehricans are all missing about the South Pole bike trek is the magic factor that the words "Blue Peter presenter" contain. Blue Peter presenters are all superhuman and can do anything, and they have been doing this kind of thing for forty years. Google "John Noakes parachute" if you don't believe me. Where's hey nonny mouse when you need him, to translate for you guys anyway?

honeybadger said...

Saxo Bank was merely "putting a bird on it," Portlandia style, practically pro forma for a proper bike enthusiast.

honeybadger said...

Saxo Bank was merely "putting a bird on it," Portlandia style, practically pro forma for a proper bike enthusiast.

Doug said...

Good to see the old Hannebrink bike back. Too bad he's sending Barbie "into the wild" to promote it. You won't see Surly sending some poor CX'er on a Pugsley to the South Pole to either die or be rescued!

Joanne Seale said...

I think the south pole expedition should make use of this bike instead..they look uncannily similar? Time for a lawsuit perhaps??
http://www.miamibeach411.com/news/urban-bikes

leogodoy said...

Ergo kicks ass.

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Shelly said...

Book tour venue, 'Endless Cycles' bike shop in Castro Valley California.

Anonymous said...

Manchester, England please.

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john said...

How about you just stay unmotivated and not bike in the winter?

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