Friday, January 6, 2012

BSNYC Friday Juice Box!

As I mentioned on Monday, this is it--the final day of 2012, and indeed of the entire world. I don't know about you, but I had a pretty good time. Highlights for me included being born, watching movies, and this really good sandwich I had one time. Kind of a bummer it had to end this way, but at least I never made much of an effort anyway.

Speaking of effort, as cyclists we are fortunate to have many advocates who work tirelessly to make the world a better place for bikes. However, the problem with advocacy is that the very people who need to be convinced of cycling's legitimacy are also the sorts of people who find bicycle advocates whiny and annoying and therefore automatically dismiss anything they say.

This is especially a problem in New York. Consider, for example, David Byrne. For all my ribbing, I certainly recognize David Byrne's talent, and I also respect the fact that he is an outspoken proponent of the "bi-keen." At the same time, if you're not among the Public Bikes-riding, Bern helmet-wearing, concert-in-the-park-attending set who still carry drivers licenses from their home states and who call cycling "bi-keen," I can see how you might have a difficult time relating to him. (I know I do.)

For this reason, I've long felt that New York City needs a more proletarian cycling advocate. Someone from outside the "Gentri-verse." Someone who seems like he was born here. Someone who does own a car, and who also looks like he could work the door at a strip club. Well, we may have found that in Vincent Ferrari:

Ferrari recently made a video in which he shows 41 cars in a 25-minute period blowing through the stop sign in his Bronx neighborhood, and then goes on to blast the city's treatment of cyclists. Needless to say, the local Smugerati are positively ecstatic that someone who looks like the kind of person who usually tries to run them over is actually taking their side. Here is that video:



Of course, while Vincent Ferrari's message is fundamentally sound, his advocacy work does show room for improvement. Here are just a few examples:

--Though upset about people disobeying the stop sign, he doesn't actually stop at it completely himself;

--The incriminating footage of the other drivers is speeded up in old-timey silent comedy movie fashion, which makes it almost impossible to see what they're doing;

--He tends to ramble a bit, and sounds surprisingly kvetchy for a big guy named Ferrari;

--He thinks it's silly to ticket drivers for talking on cellphones, which is just as illegal as blowing a stop sign;

--He's talking about safety while driving around and making a movie of himself (this would explain his position on the previous item) and I kept expecting a body to roll onto his hood.

Nevertheless, Ferrari's common sense coupled with his undeniable appeal to the widely influential heavyset-bald-guys-who-own-cars-and-wear-wraparound-sunglasses demographic could very well make him the working man's David Byrne. He's got my vote, anyway. Sure, his video is a bit inconsistent and somewhat irresponsible, but maybe that's just what we need.

In other news, yesterday I posted a photo of cyclist Pauline Ferrand Prevot in which she seemed to have a piece of spinach in her teeth, and bicycle racing person Adam Myerson subsequently informed me that it is not a piece of spinach at all but in fact a sparkly diamond or diamond-like object:

If you think about it, it actually makes a lot more sense to put a diamond in your mouth than it does to put one in your ear. An earring can fall out anywhere, but if you lose a diamond on your tooth you're sure to find it again--all you need is a day or two, a pair of rubber gloves, and a prominent note above the toilet reminding your roommates not to flush.

Now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right then wow, and if you're wrong you'll see cosmic cycling.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and may you find a diamond in your stool tomorrow morning.


--Wildcat Rock Machine



("Check please.")

1) Sprinter Mark Cavendish may have missed an out-of-competition doping test because he was stuck in:

--France
--Italy
--Spain
--Peta Todd






([CTRL+V] The revolutionary seatstay configuration of the Volagi Liscio enhances the frame's vertical compliance while maintaining its blahblahblahzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.)

2) Specialized is suing the makers of the Volagi Liscio for stealing their "trade secrets." What does Volagi call their seat stay design?

--The "V-Works™ Fux-SNYRD"







("Nice drapes. I hear she straightens the carpet too.")

3) The makers of the Volagi Liscio are also being sued by the makers of Milbon Straight Liscio Crystal Cream thermal hair straightening solution.








(The rare but elegant "Holding an imaginary troll by its hair" victory salute.)

4) Fill in the blank: "Fake 'six-packs' are out. ___________ are in."








(Bradford offends singlespeed purists by saluting with two hands instead of one.)

5) Aaron Bradford, winner of the 2012 Singlespeed Cyclocross National Championship, was subsequently disqualified for foregoing the mandatory winner's tattoo.





(Naughty woman risks compromising the integrity of her hymen by riding impertinently in a position God intended for men only.)

6) Which was not among the list of "don't"s for women cyclists of 1895?

--Don't ride while seated in a position other than sidesaddle.
--Don’t wear laced boots. They are tiresome.
--Don’t appear to be up on “records” and “record smashing.” That is sporty.
--Don’t cultivate a “bicycle face.”






(Old-school drifting.)

7) What are "Urban Drifts?"



***Special Comfy Grip-Themed Bonus Question***


(So dorky. So comfy.)

Ergons.

--Yes.
--Yes!
--Yes!!!
--All of the above


129 comments:

Spooge said...

Fuck y'all

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Anonymous said...

Win!

Anonymous said...

PPantiess!!

Eclogite said...

Top 10?

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Anonymous said...

Ah, there you are.

Specialized sucks!

Anonymous said...

top ten!

Miss Panties said...

Panties!

Anonymous said...

hey almost top 5 you guys are fast!

cycle

Burt Reynolds 531 said...

Wait. Why would it matter if your roomate flushed? Or maybe I don' wanna know.

Anonymous said...

([CTRL+V] He,he,he..

OBA said...

Bicycle Face!

theEel said...

WeEkEnD!

Sinyard Liberation Army said...

Fuck Specialized!

Anonymous said...

KNEEL BEFORE ZOD.

Paul Bowen said...

Another great week, cheers Snobbers.

(Also, titfers skyward to everyone who contributed to yesterday's epic comments - bloody funny.)

HalfStepAndTheGranny said...

Top twenty!!!!!!!!!!!

Zoooootsen said...

More Fucken' panties!!!!!!!!!!!

Marcel Da Chump said...

Draft Ferrari.

streepo said...

Another perfect score.

Anonymous said...

missta pissta

Anonymous said...

dropped my chain and Fred Flinstoned to the finish

Anonymous said...

I'm confused. At the end you wished us luck finding a diamond in our stool tomorrow but at the start you said there won't be a tomorrow.

david byrne said...

I'll be glad when gas is a hundred effing $s a gallon. Then we'll all ride bikes safely (at least when there are no hill-bombers on fixies around) or get jobs driving pedicabs. No more unemployment, and David Byrne will have to find something else to be smug about.

Jon Banks said...

I was really expecting the answer to question 4 to be: http://imgur.com/7v0tJ

Jon Banks said...

I was really expecting the answer to question 4 to be: http://imgur.com/7v0tJ

leroy said...

My dog said I was a diamond in the rough.

Now I'm not so sure it was a compliment.

Oh well, better to be the diamond than the rough.

Ride a gem all!

Buy-cycle said...

'Because he was stuck in Peta Todd'. Haha. It had me shooting Kenco out of my nose. I hope the great lob actively encourages the cultivation of cannabis/sea weed. Top 35?

Anonymous said...

WORL DEND

that's it? It's all over, and no recumbabe? no crotchal slendor? no turtle micturating?

RUCK SACK

Petter Odd said...

Aced it! More curling or Ima fucking kill you

Anonymous said...

Funny. I lol'd

Anonymous said...

A competitor in the Singlespeed National Championship got course tape stuck in their cassette?

Reminds me of Rapha's account of the Singlespeed World's double victory where the guy writing the post hadn't a clue as to what he was talking about.

Anonymous said...

-Don’t try to have every article of your attire “match.”
-Don’t appear in public until you have learned to ride well.
-Don’t overdo things. Let cycling be a recreation, not a labor.

Looks like the Fred was predicted a VERY long time ago.

Johan van der Stool said...

PACK FILL

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Well it was nice knowing you Mr. Wildcat Snob Machine. I hope you are just as funny in the afterlife.

ACED QUIZ

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

EPIC CURL

Anonymous said...

I guess if the world is ending, it's time I come clean about that sheep.



balls.

Anonymous said...

Ah the old 1% trick to fit in with the 99% the "old diamond on the teeth" trick!

skink said...

That turn-of-the -century babe had some cycling chops.

Blog Drafter said...

Thay Toilet Stoppt
Thay Wrld Endz
Hrd QUZZ!
Epc FAIL!

Anonymous said...

"For this reason, I've long felt that New York City needs a more proletarian cycling advocate. Someone from outside the "Gentri-verse." Someone who seems like he was born here. Someone who does own a car, and who also looks like he could work the door at a strip club."

Frank Black?

g-roc said...

Snob, I feel like I have so much in common with you now, for I too, have had a really good sandwich. Thanks for the nostalgic moment.

Not looking forward to being boiled alive. Lob help us all.

Anonymous said...

You left out that Ladies should not strike matches on their bloomers. Ouch!!

Gaffer Smythe said...

Excellent week sir. Laughs every day.

Anonymous said...

CMFY GRIP

Anonymous said...

Things to look forward to in Lobternity:

Lots of yummy steamed crustaceous treats.
No more whiny Democrats.
No more taxes.
A lot less yard work.
Lance is never proven to have doped.

Not a bad deal, overall.

Anonymous said...

You really need to forwarn a brutha about that Jennifer Jones horrorshow.
I was forced to jam an ice pick in my ear to find relief from that noise.

Cosmic clock keeper said...

@anon 2:36,

You're confusing Lobsternity with doucheternity. Not a common mistake, but don't let it bother you.

Anonymous said...

Curling?

How dare you use Curling as a punch line.

O Canada
Our home and native land
True patriot love in all thy sons command.

Annnd Inhale!

With glowing hearts we see thee rise
The True North strong and free
From far and wide
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee

God keep our land glorious and free
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee

Keep your woosy comic denouements away from notre national sport.

We stand on guard, mother fuckers.

Anonymous said...

I just called my parents to tell them I'm gay. Wildcat you better fucking be right about this end of the world thing.

Bald Felon said...

ANN LANDER'S SUCKS!

Test Tickle said...

anon 3:05,

now that was fucking brilliant!

balls (OG)

sufferist said...

Missed #6, gotta review my old tymey female bike trivia....

CAMPIONE CYCLES CALGARY said...

Curling!!!!!!

How is the hyer douchey jacket from yesterday? I tried it on at interbike. My rep choked when he told me the price.

Atropy said...

I hope there's still time
to learn how
to move like Jagger.
I'VE GOT TO MOVE LIKE JAGGER.
I'VE GOT TO MOVE LIKE JAGGER.

Anonymous said...

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lqwhgwMhod1r2zoj5o1_500.jpg

delicious "Ergons" with embedded hand embrocation

Fred said...

anonymous @1:20 Looks like the Fred was predicted a VERY long time ago.

Actually, evidence of Freds has been found as far back as 160,000 years (known as the Avocene era). In a cave in Ethopia, for example, the remnants of a portly male were found shod with SPD sandals and wearing a Primal Dark Side of the Moon-themed penis gourd. Nearby were found 10 unused Dura-Ace spear points arranged in order of weight and what many claim to be a crude training diary smeared on the cave wall with Assos chammy cream.

Heady stuff.

Paul Simon said...

As long as she keeps the diamonds away from her shoes, Pauline has nothing to fear from my sharp-fanged legal team.

grog said...

Love my Ergons.
RIDE NICE
FUNK WIZZ

crosspalms said...

"Nice drapes. I hear she straightens the carpet too."

Took me a minute, but I'm still grinning over that one.

the ghost of Private Pyle said...

Sargent Hartman didn't mention diamonds, but he said if I didn't start shitting something else that he would fuck me up.


He's dead now.

Test Tickle said...

the ghost of Private Pyle said,

brilliant!

for a disgusting fat body...


balls (OG)

Anonymous said...

Mmmmmmmm...bloomers.

mikeweb said...

a Primal Dark Side of the Moon-themed penis gourd

I think I saw one of those in the American Museum of Natural History the last time I was there. Really makes you think...

Concerned Commenter said...

@ Fred,

True to your name you try way too hard buddy.
Start with panties and go from there.

Thanks.

Anonymous said...

I was just wondering if this will be a fire event, or a water event, or a shaking event? I really hate the shaking thing.

Buffalo Bill said...

Hurry Hard!

Anonymous said...

That girl's got nice dimples.

Expert Race Analyst said...

With all the panties flying around at the finish line, I'm not at all surprised that spooge came first. Well done lad! Back to you Phil.

McFly said...

The lady getting her straddle on stole your jacket Snobby. Hope she doesn't get any discharge on it when she loses her purity to that Birdie Munger.

Rancid_Chicken said...

I'm curious to see the Hot Karl/Cleveland Steamer/etc video. I know that's one shit-tastic event, but you have me curious.

Trailer Park Cyclist said...

#6: Don't call Pat McQ a dick.

Fred said...

@MikeWeb What's really trippy is if you watch closely, some of the Munchkins in the Wizard of Oz are wearing them too.

@ConcernedCommenter OMG, a Fred zinger. Damn, that really hurt. Your material is gold. You should be Louis CK or something.

Fred said...

Also, I have no idea what panties are, much less how to go from there.

The King of Park Slope said...

Nice double!

David Allan Coe said...

You didn't say anything about momma, trains, trucks, gettin' drunk, or prison.

Anonymous said...

zaftig, that jennifer jones.

That's MISTER Nosferatu said...

Funny. Where I live, it's TOMORROW! I'm STILL HERE, YOU BASTARDS!.(Steve McQueen, Papillon)

say it ain't so said...

Funny, I always considered Snob to be a Mac guy but he let it slip:

[CTRL+V]

I don't want to live in this world anymore.

Waitin' said...

Hmm, getting a bit late for the Snobture, or the Snobpocalypse, or the whateverture.

Anonymous said...

Anybody out there?

Anonymous said...

Anybody left?

Anonymous said...

Seems pretty normal here...

Anonymous said...

I splurged on a Halo bike yesterday. It was a great ride today, really, but I really wasn't figuring on paying for it.

Anonymous said...

Oh wow! Oh wow! Oh wow!

leroy said...

Lantern Rouge before the end of the world!

Anonymous said...

Well, there are lots of signs of The Great Leader around everywhere. And the Social Order seems in perfect harmony. Hmm, not bad.

Anonymous said...

Dog make it?

Anonymous said...

Leroy's dog?

leroy said...

Well now this is odd.

"It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.".

Anonymous said...

Looks like we've crossed the di-vide together. Go figure, but it's really pretty normal here. Maybe it gets spacier later.

leroy said...

Found my dog's collar on his bed without him in it. .

But that's not a sign of the Rapture.

He's out streaking.

Again.

He says if Cipo can do it, so can he.

Anonymous said...

Wait, there's a loud jangling noise just now...

Anonymous said...

I wonder if old

... what's his name

&... made it?

Anonymous said...

Your dog can outstreak Cipo, no problem. Plus, he can lick his "Little Cippo" anytime he wants.

Blog Drafter said...

Well, off to read VeloNews!

Blog Drafter said...

I read on VeloNews that "Pat McQuaid’s a dick".

Oh well, life goes on.

Anonymous said...

Ah man you shouldn't get all pussy on the Ergons.
I saw a few tough guys fight it through on them.
Are you queer in the head?
Get your mom to serve you warm milk, works wonders.

McFly said...

You lying Fuck. I am still here and what's more NOW I have to go to my niece's birthday party at the Monkey's Treehouse in Nashville. You know what's better? Sweet Death.

Nebraska bike commuter (non-DWI edition) said...

No end of the world, so "Ragin' Cajuns" will air as scheduled. Life is sucking just a bit more.

yogisurf said...

Getting caught up on the blog on Saturday Morn. Hilllllllarous!! Peanuts and Corn!

yogisurf said...

And where is CommieCunuk (sic)?

I a poorer engine said...

"How is the hyer douchey jacket from yesterday? I tried it on at interbike. My rep choked when he told me the price."

Things must be different up in the forehead tatoo of america, my rep smiled and told me about his new subaru.

Anonymous said...

Panties!
Panties!

Quilled and Lugged said...

I'm waiting for the post where WCRM announces that he got the math wrong and in fact the end of the world will be...

don the cyclist said...

don't flush

bikesgonewild said...

...so first off, i wake up & it IS saturday & i'm a little groggy but i'm thinkin' - "...huh...what the fuck...i thought bsnyc/rtms/wcrm said.........ohhh, geez, never mind..."...

...so then, still groggy, i got the rubber gloves on, i'm goin' through the 'morning waste' & suddenly it dawns on me - "...hey...wait a minute...i never had a fucking diamond to begin with so this is.........ohhh, geez, never mind..."...

...needless to say, this was not my finest hour...

mark said...

The Urusei Yatsura Ending 3 Japones video would be perfect if it was Mario Cipollini w/out clothes!!!

Wreuse said...

woke up
saw I wasn't dead
smoked up
went back to bed

Godwin said...

images of heaven

images of heaven

driving lessons Worcester said...

I have fun reading this blog. Is it a kind of bloopers or an exhibition? Actually I love riding a bike.

jed said...

Ferrari, "By a couple, I mean three or four."

Cynical, Foul Mouthed Goofball said...

The afterlife ain't too bad. Nothin' like I expected.

Nys Time said...

Anyone see the streaker at the end of the Belgian Cyclocross Championships?
He jumped onto the course right as Sven was rounding the corner. Big security guy bear hugged him and wrestled him into the corner.
Hi-larious.

Crazy Belgians.

Continuity said...

@ driving lessons Worcester

I like that your name/url link is indeed a driving school.

Well done.

Ray Stevens said...

oh yes, they call him the Streak
look at that, look at that
he likes to turn the other cheek

Painties said...

Fuuuuucccckkkkkkk.

Anonymous said...

Maybe Friday was the last of Bike Snob NYC? A dramatico finale or...



no balls?

Anonymous said...

wcrm = water closet rock machine

@MyHarpoon said...

I second the suggestion that Indianapolis needs a BRA!!

There's even a dustup/brouhaha over new bike lanes (a la Prospect Park):

http://www.wthr.com/story/16035261/drivers-unhappy-over-new-broad-ripple-bike-lanes

http://www.indystar.com/article/20111211/OPINION01/112110301/Bike-lanes-good-maybe-not-one

Anonymous said...

Conan is riding a Serotta, not a Seven.

Bike Locks said...

Nevertheless, Ferrari's common sense coupled with his undeniable appeal to the widely influential heavyset-bald-guys-who-own-cars-and-wear-wraparound-sunglasses demographic could very well make him the working man's David Byrne.

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john said...

the guy(?) in question 6 looks like he gives no fucks.