Or if you go to Wikipedia to gaze upon the raw essence of male sexuality that is Nonplussed Bib Shorts Model Guy:
You'll find this:
Though if you go to Kim Jong-Il Looking at Things, you'll still find this:
Unless you're actually in North Korea, in which case your "computer" is just a state-run newspaper taped to a cardboard box.
Needless to say, operators of webbing sites do not like SOPA, because while it is ostensibly designed to protect copyright holders, it could also hinder free speech as well as the sort of user-generated content that makes the Internet so simultaneously wonderful and awful. Imagine, for example, a world without videos of people "bombing hills" on their fixies to stupid songs for which they did not receive the proper clearances, or even a world without crappy bike blogs that make fun of the aforementioned videos. It would be a living heck. You'd hate it. In fact, you'd hate it so much you'd move to another world instead, like Narnia, or Hogwarts, or the idealized version of Brooklyn in which the Huxtables lived.
I too do not like the idea of SOPA, but despite tremendous pressure on me to join the blackout (well, one guy emailed me) I will not be doing so. This is for two reasons: 1) It would be disingenuous of me, because even though I'm against SOPA in principle the truth is I really don't know nearly as much about it as I should; and B) When Wikipedia participates in a blackout, millions of people take notice, but when this blog takes part in a blackout the 19 people who read it and already know way more about SOPA than I do just see me for the douchebag I am. Given this, it seems to me that it makes way more sense to leave the blog switch on the "on" position so that people can alternately leave intelligent SOPA-related comments from which we can all learn, and/or gratuitously post the word "scranus."
Of course, one argument in favor of SOPA is that the entertainment industry backs it. The Motion Picture Association of America says that piracy costs the business of show billions of dollars a year. This is a great tragedy, because without that money studios and producers couldn't give Will Smith $20 million to star in "Men In Black III," a movie that has already cost something like $215 million (about half of what Congress spends on all of public broadcasting) and isn't even finished yet. Yes, life without incessant sequels and insipid comic book movies that cost hundreds of millions of dollars to produce is just too nightmarish to contemplate. Plus, we should also remember that piracy supposedly costs the entertainment industry jobs, since apparently there's no way to budget for a film that allows the star to have a $9,000 a month trailer as well a $25,000 a month apartment around the corner from that trailer without also firing a few PAs that earn annually what Will Smith spends on lunch. Therefore Congress really should help these people with some bespoke legislation that ensures us the constant stream of shitty entertainment we all deserve. (Maybe they can plaster Big Bird with product placement while they're at it.)
Anyway, I doubt SOPA and PIPI and Pipi Longstocking and all the rest of them will get very far in the long run, since I've just had word that the Best Made Company has joined the blackout. However, they won't actually be blacking out their site. Instead, they're offering customers this $375 hand-stitched artisanal blindfold:
Just slip it over your face and--voilĂ !--instant blackout. It's also handy for generally living in a state of ostrich-like denial. For example, if you ever find yourself in an unattractive, non-minimalist environment where you're surrounded by ugly people (such as a hospital or a Walmart), you can just slip it on and imagine yourself in a rustic luxury "cabin" in the "wilderness" eating pancakes drenched with designer maple syrup and looking at framed maps of places that haven't existed for a hundred years.
Moving on, yesterday I mentioned Gene Hackman's bicycle "accident" (it's cute when they call getting rammed by a car an "accident"), which prompted a reader to leave the following comment:
Bogusboy said...
Is it, perhaps, just barely possible that Gene Hackman is not an accomplished cyclist and was, in fact, riding like a geriatric Fred?
JANUARY 17, 2012 9:02 PM
It certainly is eminently possible. However, another reader has forwarded me actual video evidence that Mr. Hackman in fact has crazy mad tight sick bike-handling skillzzz:
Though if that's what Hackman was doing when the pickup truck hit him I suppose we could say that he bears some responsibility for the incident.
Speaking of cabins (as I was a bit earlier) I also received an email from yet another reader informing me that cabin porn is the new bike porn and directing me to the following site, which was indeed full of some of the filthiest cabin porn I've ever seen:
That's the kind of porn that sends fans of the "Americana backwoods revival" straight to the outhouse for some hot and frenzied "whittling" sessions. Seriously, that's full frontal cabin porn--you can see the whole derned woodpile for Lob's sake:
(Exposed woodpiles are the "beaver shot" of cabin porn.)
I think I even see a solar panel, which is of course the cabin porn equivalent of a "tramp stamp," and I won't even address the fact that this cabin is in a place called "Black Butte." There's even bike-on-cabin porn on freecabinporn.com, though frankly it leaves a lot to be desired:
Unless of course you're into bikes with step-through frames and missing front wheels "getting it on" with storage sheds. After all, who am I to judge?
Lastly, from cabin porn to portage porn, from a reader in Austin comes this action shot of a rider portaging a couple of big rods and a nonplussed pussy:
143 comments:
Whoopsie
██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████
(and podium)
podium
Top fizzy!
fourth?
damit
ant1st blows goats
Best Made is blacked out?! Wow! SOPA is doomed!
top 10
Gold mikeweb, GOLD!
Early doors!
Top 11, but non-plussed.
Top 11, but non-plussed.
Panties!
Early panties!
Blackout panties
Yeah Popeye! THAT'S how to deal with salmoning beautiful Godzillas!
Note: though there was a full 7 minute gap between 1st and 2nd on today's podium, I deny using a Gruber assist to blow apart the breakaway 18K from the finish. That was the EPO, with a SOPA chaser.
Also note: after commenting, I went to read the blog post as opposed to 'podium pissing'. Nobody likes a podium pisser. OK, some people like podium pissers, but please put on a Rapha branded incontinence undergarment first. Thank you.
The green-eyed monster of jealousy is almost as scary-funny as the aliens in my movies!
wooo I was mentioned! as the aforementioned "tremendous pressure" on your pants yabbies. ███ ██ ███████ ████.
Big rods, a pussy, no helment, flip-flops, and a cigarette. Where's the blue-tooth earpiece?
JB
I think the Bluetooth earpiece is attached to the non-plussed pussy's pink sweater. Or maybe it's just blacked out.
That's not an easy thing to train a cat for the shoulder ride.
Many years ago there a man in the good Portland who would ride a bicycle with a calico cat on his shoulder.
Awesome.
wacked out with the blackout
Arrrrrrr... That's a dandy double eye patch for online pirates!
Scranus!
@JB - hey that's my line, but hell, I didn't wake up fast enough today.
My job got quit yesterday.
Awesome misunderstanding.
Now I have wide open vistas of opportunity before as opposed to a life draining rail commute.
I hate you MBTA and I know the feeling is mutual.
This SOPA's a DOPA.
gratuitous scranus post
Instead of blacking out the site, how about starting the post with a Fred wearing a blindfold?
Mid pack cat 4.
Without the ability to check my facts on Wikipedia, I say the following with complete lack of credibility and great trepidation of North Korean repercussions, but I'm pretty sure that's a picture of Kim Jong-un looking at something. But then, without Wikipedia, I could have totally messed up the spelling, or for that fact, the entire name. In fact, Kim Jong-il may have still been alive on January 9th according to the North Korean calendar. I may never know as I'll have totally lost interest in this by the time Wikipedia is back on line tomorrow.
Arrrr matey, them scurvy government dogs best be refraining from messing with Big Bird.
This post brought to you by the letter... Arrrr
Some SOPA with your lunch?
http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0112/71567.html
G S P
R C O
A R S
T A T
U N
I U
T S
U
S
Last night, as I walked home in the freezing rain (because, in the far north where I live there are no buses, so "If it rains ice, walk"), I wondered about the passions I might have.
Now, 12 hours later, I still don't know.
I've seen two fixie-hipsters this week riding with the heel of the hand on the top of the bar and the fingers wrapped under the curved part. Is it the fashion? Looks hella uncomfortable.
Ahem ... scranus ... there, I did it.
SOPA my scranus.
Good post; but you set the bar really high yesterday, Snob.
Best Made's new video...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zey8567bcg
In the early part of the last century it was said, "At all costs, save the banks."
But what economist today would say, "At all costs, save the investment firms"?
These two entities are essentially, profoundly different. Todays GS is not your grandparents S&L.
Wait a minute.
WTF?
Wrong blog.
Nevermind.
So, I searched for "vagina" on Wikipedia. It went to the page, and I saw a picture of a spread inner labia. Just as I was growing erect it went to the blackout.
There should be an occupy Hollywood. Unemployed people can seek to protest and disrupt the industry. In the end, we can hope for equitable pay and publicity for all people, not just piece of shit entertainers.
It's cat guy! That guy, and his cat are kind of jerks.
Give rodgirl some credit; her cat seems into it, and her forks are not backward
TEXA SCAT
Ach, wikipedia isn't admissible as an academic source anyway.
Blind...blind...blindblindblindblindblind (fold)
(does he have a bike?)
hey nonny mouse
Hipster me says 'Pssh, i knew about SOPA before it was cool'. Top fiddy?
Anon 12:42, now that's probably something I'll remember to check on Wikipedia tomorrow. Preparing for disappointment.
Again no Recumbabe
MISS BABE
CATS RULE
DOGS DRUL
SOPA CRAP
I had a vision in a dream in an epiphony that you would use the word "ostensibly" today, I feel so damn validated right now that I may rare back in my WORK chair, spread my legs and pollute my Dickies with unbridled hot karl joy.
I had to learn the following without the benefit of Wikipedia.
The famous Florida Keys Overseas Highway was recently awarded one of the highest honors a roadway can receive. It was dubbed an “All-American” Road.
Once, while passing through US airspace on the way between one socialist paradise and another, I gazed down in wonder at that road. All-American indeed: what other nation builds a road into the middle of an ocean?
Land of the free. With luck, speech will remain as unrestricted as the ability to build a road to anywhere.
Ride on America.
Scranus.
Come on, Man! Get to the shed porn. What is this, some kind of poetry club?
Doodles.
Yeah.
Doodles.
Wow, I always liked Gene Hackman's work. Now I think he's super awesome.
Will Smith not so much.
Just as I suspected, Hollywood players (the 1%) think the 99% are jealous of them...human nature on both sides. But the level of greed it takes to put their interests before the common good is heiniously deplorable. So what? They're shameless and they know it.
So I've worked as a mechanic in the "Bike Industry" for almost 10 years now. And I've been reading this blog for about 1 year all-but daily. Not looking for attention or being sarcastic when I say... Thank you Mr. Rock Machine, for letting me know the cynicism cycling has instilled in me is O.K. and that the simultaneous hatred of 'hilpsters' and 'Freds' is not just something in my own mind. And that companies that market $12,000 bikes that say McClaren on them but are actually made in Taiwan (McCraren?) and 'Boutique Brands' who claim to be somehow better or more unique, make custom Titanium commuter bikes for lawyers with a 3 mile commute to the office, all for the same price, are just two sides of the same retarded coin. --Thank you. No joke, you give me hope for the future of this sport. Looking forward to your new book too by the way!
I was debating who was the bigger Douche - Romney or Smith when I decided it was whoever was responsible for this
Tommy,
Come back when you read DAILY
scranus!
Butte is pronounced like Beaut
Twas peace I sought
For all in life was naught
My girlfriend went astray
the MAN had pennies to pay
ne'er had been so much despair
mine estate not assuaged by prayer
of a cabin did I dream
making my own butter and cream
Reality doth crush my hopes
Cabin porn replaceth my mopes
Nonplussed pussy is the best kind.
why do you hate Will Smith?
One of my favorite sites, This Isn't Happiness, is blacked out because the Will Smith's of the world can't stand to lose 1¢.
brett,
U a moran.
That is all
DaddoOne,
You sir, are not a douche at all.
Ok, THAT time I was using sarcasm. ;)
That comment was some well deserved praise for Snob, and had nothing to do with you. In fact I pride myself on that being my first (and after this one here) ONLY comment I plan to post here. Because unlike you, I know when to respectfully keep my mouth shut. Good day to you.
Just like the French Revolution corrected the excesses of a corrupt, delusional aristocracy, the second American Revolution Will depose our insane, narcissistic Hollywood monster. We created it and we'll destroy it.
Tommy,
good - keep it shut - humor escapes you
good day to...never mind
Thanks for letting Wikipedia take one for the team, buddy.
I've read your blog for a few years now and I do want to let you know I appreciate the fact that you finally wrote something about Wikipedia other than just posting the picture of that guy in bibs.
Tommy, the esteemed commenter daddo one was just playfully busting your chops...a N.Y thing...you coulda reciprocated in kind without the malice.
scranus
GRAN FOND
SOLD OUT!
fred fondo
volunteers needed
post-ride foil packet drifts along route guaranteed,
along with some teeth, crabon fibre chunks, and lots
of air cannisters
EPIC FRED
Blackout with your sack out.
+1 to the Dooth...
@ Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne, as we always used to say, fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.
Out of respect for the blackout, I'm not posting any comments today.
...for some inexplicable reason, i hungered for mexican soup for lunch today...
@Tommy, Can you here me?
Also, in the background of that cabin porn shot is a peak named Three-Fingered Jack
A poem
I passed a turd
It looked like a bird
Oh my word
That's just absurd
Chill guys, I think Tommy just missed the humor part upon first read, probably gets it now. No big.
Who the hell is he to question my mad skills?
you da man! Gene!
You know what pisses me off?
When they slip a COTTAGE into a CABIN porn site.
Come the EFF on, man!
That's like when they try and sneak a korean girl into my japanese porn.
Like a round eye don't know.
Hackman's the shiznits.
Oh yeah, 87th.
"Tramp Stamp" is so passe'.
We now refer to that little accessory to whoredom as the "Alabama License Plate".
That cabin porn deal was hilarious. How do you come up with this stuff? You could write another book on just your side related views of life with the incidental bike relations just like this cabin porn bit.
< humor escapes you >
I thought, "Missing a "u", perhaps?" and then remembered - two nations divided by a common language. (excused)
However,
"Tommy, Can you here me?"
fails on both spelling and use of capitals.....
hey nonny mouse
Beaut is pronounced like "gofuckyourself".
refusing to blackout my douchiness.
....aaaaand scene.
in australia, instead of celebrities getting hit by cars we have celebrities hitting cyclists and then hitting the twitterer about it!
Warniegate....
http://www.cyclingtipsblog.com/2012/01/cyclist-versus-warnie-the-cyclists-story/
Warnie is an australian cricketing legend. He once bowled mike gatting from around his legs. He's now better known for being engaged to Liz Hurley, texting (probably while driving) and laser hair treatment.
I'm sure he'd have an awesome wikipedia page.
"gofuckyourself" is pronounced, "I respect you."
Weed?
Dieselday.
The Rapha model is the very picture
of non-plussitude.
Well at least 96 of us read your drivel. I and my artisinal cat Leonitas Tom Cruise Murphy are glad you stayed the course and blessed us with another insightful glimpse into the life cycling.
Well at least 96 of us read your drivel. I and my artisinal cat Leonitas Tom Cruise Murphy are glad you stayed the course and blessed us with another insightful glimpse into the life cycling.
Well at least 96 of us read your drivel. I and my artisinal cat Leonitas Tom Cruise Murphy are glad you stayed the course and blessed us with another insightful glimpse into the life cycling.
One HUNDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wait if Mikeybicycle inadvertently triple posted then I'm not really the One HUNDO!!!!!!!!!.
Unless of course it's just aboot the number and not the number in relation to content.
Cabin sex must be off the hook.
I imagine Specialized supports SOPA/PIPA because they wouldn't want their hard earned 'intellectual property' being ripped off by the bastid Chinee...
Oh wait-- you mean Specialized already steals others' ideas?
And all their DOGSHIT bikes and accessories are already made in China?
At least there's still Rapha, and Rapha Cock Tattoos.
Mikeybicycle - if you factor in multiple posts and that all the anonymous posts and "Name" posts are the same guy in Deluth, I'm not sure that all 19 readers even read today's post. 96. pfftt. In Snobby's dreams.
scranus
... or was that Duluth? Without Wikipedia, we'll never know.
SOPA - scranus
Don't forget nipples.
Daltrey was stoned on Wednesday weed. Thus the bad spelling. Not to mention singing
scranus?
Snob, you missed the perfect excuse for another day off! I wish I had an excuse to take the day off. I actually work in the hut porn industry. I'm serious, just yesterday I was fluffing a hut out in the wilderness, tending to the wood pile and taming the bush. It's what I get paid for.
I suppose I should just do my job and shut the fuck up.
Regarding manifestos, I found the Unabomber manifesto to be an interesting read, but Dr. Seuss's "Oh, the Places You'll Go" was the closest I found to a manifesto I would adopt as my own. That was, until I saw the video rendition . Now I'm a little confused, surely the cross section of upstanding citizenry captured in the video are not the type who would knowingly flaunt copyright law?
What does this have to do with Janet Jackson's nipple?
Anon from yesterday.
Is Leonard Sinyard a Steely Dan cover band?
Is so I might be your guy.
Ex porn industry.
Have great rhythm spanking asses.
Also spread cream cheese on a bagel rather well.
DULL OOTH
BLAK BUTE
Happy Tommy: Does this bus go to Duluth?
Gruff Driver: No, this bus goes beep-beep.
THAN KYOU
HERE ALWK
sorry to report that the beaver shot is extinct. the few brazilians out there do not count. everyone else is kojaked.
this is a far better way to black out the world around you: http://www.studio-kg.com/ostrich/
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Lovely shoes ! It's perfect for the summer
http://www.xtraorbit.com/1366.html
The guy in the one piece looks familiar, must have been somewhere on the internet.
The guy in the one piece looks familiar, must have been somewhere on the internet.
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