Friday, December 16, 2011

BSNYC BSNYC Friday Friday Fun Fun Quiz Quiz! (Now with reverb!)

No doubt you've seen in the media that essayist Christopher Hitchens has died. His New York Times obituary is here. He has also received social networking's greatest postumous honor, which is of course a Tweet and custom memorial #hashtag from seven-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong himself:

At times like this it's impossible not to contemplate your own mortality, and at the risk of overestimating my own importance to the world of letters I'd like to think that when my day comes and I am run down in a crosswalk by a speeding Lucas Brunelle I will be worthy of the same honor:

In fact, I like those words so much I'm having Sacha White of Vanilla build me a tombstone bearing this very epitaph. Given that his wait list now roughly equals the average life span of the American male, I figure the timing should work out perfectly.


In particular, he flouts the law by riding a bicycle in Central Park and removing his feet from the pedals:

I decided that, partly to protect those who were with me or hosting me, I would not do anything to directly taunt the forces of law and order. I would be the Zelig of the scofflaws. So I took a bike to Central Park and, starting near the boathouse, rode it uphill until blood started to rush to my head and blackness to descend—i.e., for about a quarter of a mile. I then turned and coasted down, allowing the brisk air of a crisp fall day to whoosh disturbingly up my trouser legs as I lifted my feet in the air. I compounded the offense by having no bell on my handlebars. This was midmorning on a weekday, with almost no traffic, but that was just the luck of the draw. Policemen interviewed recently have confirmed that they are under orders to spot riders who take their feet off the pedals, or who have no bell. (Try getting attention in New York by pinging a bike bell, by the way.) It’s all part of the ticket harvest that they are expected to reap. The mayor denies that there is a quota, which would be unlawful, but he looks and sounds even more like a weasel than unkind nature intended when he admits that there are “performance measurements” that his Police Department might be observing.

Ah, yes, those were the days. See, back in 2004 you could remove your feet from the pedals and only get a ticket for removing your feet from the pedals. Now, on top of that you'd get a bunch of other tickets for stuff that isn't even illegal, like not wearing a healment, operating a bicycle with a vowel in the brand name, and speaking to the ticketing officer with an English accent.

And now, having cast a pall over the weekend by raising the subject of death, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right then you'll receive one (1) Kosmic Karma Fun Kredit (good towards making your next incarnation more tolerable), and if you're wrong you'll see a sneak preview from the new season of "Portlandia."

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and don't forget your hand signals.


--Wildcat Rock Machine





(Contador receiving his weight in stuffed lions)

1) Tour de France champion Alberto Contador is going to receive his weight in:






("Return to me, mighty bird of prey!")

2) What is this rider doing?






("C'mon man, I was using that!")

3) Ancient cultures believed that by devouring the heart of their slain enemy they would acquire his strength. Now, for the same effect, you can just:






(Martha Stewart always wears an apron while completing Great Head.)

4) According to Martha Stewart, how long does it take to complete Great Head?

--An hour and a half
--A half an hour
--Twenty-six minutes




(Electronics retail in the 20th century, before it was douchefied by Steve Jobs.)

5) Crazy Eddie. His prices were:

--Nuts
--Crazy
--Insane
--Surprisingly reasonable, actually








6) Among the cockpit cognoscenti ("cocknoscenti"), ChannelLocks are the new bar end.






(In the absence of pliers, spring clamps are also acceptable for light-duty cockpit use.)

7) Cockpits that incorporate hand tools are practical because:




***Special The Internet Is Destroying Humanity-Themed Bonus Question***



Thanks to the Internet, humankind may be developing just a tiny bit of an oversharing problem.



100 comments:

Anonymous said...

first?
rip hitchens...

Anonymous said...

Top 3!!

Anonymous said...

Again!!

Anonymous said...

Top 4!

Anonymous said...

Top 5?!

Anonymous said...

Too easy??

Anonymous said...

top 6?

Jasper said...

Early doors - barely even finished my coffee

Anonymous said...

Top ten?

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Anonymous said...

Christopher Hitchen's mean panties!

Marcel Da Chump said...

I'll have a Scotch for Hitch at lunch.

Quilled and Lugged said...

That Christopher Hitchens, he was a curmudgeon.

Anonymous said...

top twenty?





mr.pissta breaking wind

Anonymous said...

Passed? No, man, he fucking died. People are so squeamish about saying that. Anyway, now Hitch finds out if there is a God or not. Pity he can't write back to let us know. Maybe Lucass Brunelle will wear helmet cams when he kicks it. Look man, it's a white light! No, you moron, the f/stop's set wrong.

Rather Fight Than Switch said...

Apropos of nothing, Martha Stewart was in a Tareyton ad. Which means either she switched and lied about something besides insider trading, or she's still smokin'. Panties!

Anonymous said...

HAPPY FRIDAY ALL!

nuff said

cycle

Buy-cycle said...

@ Anon 11.17. No, there isn't. Mr Hitchens, what a guy!

Buffalo Bill said...

Thank lob for Mr. Hitchins, he made me think, and laugh, and also pissed me off a few times. One of his funniest pieces here:
http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2007/10/hitchens200710

Anonymous said...

I was late, my chained popped off while I was trying to hammer through some wicked slopes....and....heals? Crap...forgot to video it...I guess it never happened
Top XX

Ciao - Pinarello

Neil said...

I love reverb.

petrus said...

Top XXII!

@anon 11:01: he's not even dead 24 hours and you want to rip him?!!? Dude, have some respect for the friggin dead!!

respice in pace, mr. hitchens, sir.

g said...

Wow. I think the God/no-god debate will make the healment/fender/brake debate look civilized here in the comments. I, for one, plan on getting really drunk and just watching.

Aced the quiz too! RIP Chris.

mikeweb said...

Those were some pretty painful videos to watch. I'm not sure what the Veer video was about, but those pink goggles that woman was wearing hurt MY eyes. I can't imagine actually wearing those things all day. I'm pretty sure it would give you eye cancer though.

I found the over-sharer video to be disappointing. I was hoping he would rear-end a dump truck and be saved by his airbag. I'm actually NOT using the phrase "rear-end a dump truck" as a euphemism for something else today. Crazy, but true.

What is the law about making a video of yourself while driving anyway?

Anonymous said...

Hitch rode a bike? Once?

He and I had more than booze and atheism in common.

Hitch, we hardly knew ye.

CommieCanuck said...

Hitchins wrote eloquently on his support of the Iraq wars.

DEDA HOLE

theEel said...

WeEkEnD!

RudeGirl said...

Wow, question 2 stumped me. I thought it was a still from the urban re-make of "Triumph of the Will" where a member of the disgruntled cycling masses pays homage to der fuhrer the Great Helmut Nazi. My mind must be muddled by sadness at Christopher Hitchins' passing...I mean, death. Will miss his contributions to the theater of the absurd.

Anonymous said...

I'm thinkin the bike culture Portland girlz could use some Jenny Craig.

Dave! said...

Here's hoping @lancearmstrong is gone long before @bikesnobnyc.

halo out of reach said...

Physicists almost find the God particle and Hitch dies, all in the same week. Coincidence? I think not.

CommieCanuck said...

Who's Lance Armstrong?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

He's an old jazz player isn't he?

Anonymous said...

"The fanglike teeth are what is sometimes called “British”: sturdy, if unevenly spaced, and have turned an alarming shade of yellow and brown, attributable perhaps to strong coffee as well as to nicotine, Pinot Noir, and other potations."

Thanks buffalo bill, made my day, knowing he was going to accept his final days.

Anonymous said...

Snob, keep up the press on negligent drivers.

RIP Megan Baab.

http://enews.lmc.edu/?p=1161

CommieCanuck said...

Negligent drivers don't read cycling blogs. They subscribe to "Angry Middle Aged Man Monthly". December's issue: the immigrant problem and speed limits.

Anonymous said...

SNOB!

http://empirebegins.com/

Are you coming? Can we meet up beforehand to make sure we have the right fixter gear on to impress the other self-absorbed, clueless kids with our narcissism?

I've been practicing my trackstand all fall in my parent's garage in Connecticut and I'm ready to show it off.

I am a twice doored engine said...

"Negligent drivers don't read cycling blogs. They subscribe to "Angry Middle Aged Man Monthly". December's issue: the immigrant problem and speed limits."

Up in canada that might be the case, down here in the scranus of the north (The Un-united States of Ahmericca) The negligent drivers are female soccer moms using a cell phone in a minivan full of kids, and a deadline to do nothing.

Anonymous said...

POSTUMOUS?????!?!?!?!

Stupid Name said...

http://www.lancearmstrong.com/

Is this the lance everybody is talking about, I miss those Ultra commercials. Hope they come back with those LaCosta commercials this summer.

Anonymous said...

"female soccer moms"

Redundant. No gold star for you.

Anonymous said...

So weird knowing Hitch is somewhere, up there, looking down on us right now. We'll all meet up in heaven some day. Lord bless him.

God Fearing Atheist said...

Life is so miraculous, there's got to be a higher power. But it can be so cruel and unfair, with a randomness that's totally inexplicable.

Brazed and Confused said...

Oh, so now Lance is an intellectual.

Anonymous said...

100% on the quiz.
Whoo-hoo!
Wreck out with your Shleck out!

streepo said...

CC I believe this Lance Armstrong you speak of was famous for being the all-canada's underpants-boy back in the 30's.

db said...

How timely.

If I Were a Middle-Aged White Guy

Anonymous said...

he put the 'cur' in curmudgeon

DEAD POET

Etherhuffer said...

Gonna drink me some alkee-hol and burn off a pack of smokes for Hitch. Amazing writer.

Waterboarding, anyone?

Anonymous said...

HTCH DED.
ME 2?
SHT.
GO RDE!

amy! said...

DICK LANE

PawnShop said...

Dammit, missed the bonus question!!!

Stolen joke said...

God doesn't exist.
-- Christopher Hitchens

Christopher Hitchens doesn't exist.
-- God

g-roc said...

g - everyone knows our Lob who art in butter, succulence be thine blessed gift unto the douches. Who can argue with that?

Stupid Name - yeah, I think that's a different Lance.

g said...

g-roc,
I guess I got drunk for no reason then?

Problems. said...

Yeah big sharing problem.
Except for Martha and the head. Definitely a generously appropriate amount of sharing.
Tis' better to recieve after all.

halo out of reach said...

"Oh, so now Lance is an intellectual."

Not yet but he'll get there:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nootropic

HalfStepAndTehGranny said...

End of the day.
All you cubical folks are gone for the day huh.
I bet Billy is still around.
Right Billy?

Anonymous said...

She said let's put a plastic bag over our heads
and then kiss and stuff 'til we get dizzy and fall on the bed.
We were in heaven for five or six minutes, then we passed out
and I was so in love I thought I knew what love was all about.

In church on Sunday making out in front of the preacher.
You had a black shirt on with a big picture of Nietzsche.
When we had done our thing for a full Christian hour,
I had made up my mind that there must be a higher power.

A higher, higher power.
A higher, higher power.

At a Christmas-party, I'd hold your hair when you vomit,
I'd help you up to brush your teeth, and then I'd kiss your stomach.
We lie still on your bed, the room is lit only by the tele
and it's a perfect night for feeling melancholy.

A higher, higher power.
A higher, higher power.

Cubical folk said...

Still here, leaving soon. Looking forward to my great-smelling new bar ends. Chanel Lock.

Anonymous said...

Fellow commentators, my semen is not memorably odiferous, and my socioeconomic station in life prohibits me from purchasing black truffles on a lark, so could someone tell me if I am missing out on an olfactory delight?

Nasal Deconjestant. said...

Surely you gest sir.

Anonymous said...

The info in question 7 kinda hinted towards the answer in 6. I was always a good test taker.

Meh.

Jasper said...

Awfully quiet round here. Everyone must have gone for the weekend. Unless it means that Christopher Hitchens was writing half the comments before.

g-roc said...

g- Friday is probably the best of the top seven reasons/days to get drunk.

A-meh.

McFly said...

Martha Stewart has this COME HITHER tint to her, and I like it. She really knows how to glaze a muffin.

JDH said...

Gonna pull that pic of Martha off the page. Gonna paste it on the bathroom wall. U-mami! Ohhhh yeahhhh.

The True Tower of Power said...

i sit all lone
on my throne;
everyone's
tryin' to reach me.
But first they must die.
And before that--cry.
Their earthly pride
they'll shed to beseech me:
why?

Nebraska bike commuter (non-DWI edition) said...

I didn't notice the state of inflation on that lobster fendered bike's rear tire before. Suppose it's a pinch flat?

Anonymous said...

Merde, I forgot my hand signals AGAIN!

Legnano said...

Deep, heavy posts this week, culminating in le mort d'un écritur (pardon my french). And I've learned--more like affirmed my faith--that life is simple but death is a stinky mess others must clean.

Anonymous said...

Dang!Them Portland girls look like they'd be warm in the Winter and shady in the Summer

Fartlandia said...

Portland's homogeneity will be its undoing. Self loathing projections of violence without convenient scapegoats to punish makes them susceptible to heroin abuse.

leroy said...

My dog told me that my riding is immortal; I'll never pass.

I told him he's so slow he couldn't pass gas at a chili cook off.

Unfortunately, I was mistaken about the gas.

Ride safe all!

MS said...

re: Martha Stewart

When the ack ack opened up
I got a little sillly in my pants,
dont'cha know.

(Sidles up) said...

Hi. I'm Lou Philerman. I'm new here.

destroy all monsters said...

Hitch struck a blow for folder riders everywhere!

Anonymous said...

http://www.cyclingnews.com/news/photos/gallery-specialized-lululemon-training-and-photoshoots/200082

Uhhh, what a stupid caption. That's not a hipster, it's just an old guy commuting on a road bike. I guess when cyclingnews isn't ripping their articles from Euro sites they're trying to funny/cool and failing.

Armand Asshat said...

Want more quiz? Ok then, which departed religious figure is described thusly:

Exchanges like this appear to have been the essence of {his} genius: he told talented people that their work was shit until they came up with something good enough for him to take credit for.

a. Job
b. Jobs

AYCSCCH (all you cheatin' scrani can click here)

martha stewart said...

...'great head' should take up to an hour & a half BUT with that little shitheel bikesgonewild it's usually over before i get a good suck on...

...fortunately he's usually up & ready for more pretty quick...

...just sayin'...

bikesgonewild said...

...i hope that bitch martha stewart hasn't been talkin' smack about our sex life again...

...i hate it when she calls me 'mr performance anxiety'...

...sooo demeaning...

self-obsessed and sexee said...

One of my old party animal buddies liked to visit the ladies of the night over on 11th ave. The place was crawling with them. They took less than a minute to service him in a car.

Ben Levy said...

A-Meh

PawnShop said...

I guess that rules out David Byrne as having been one of his old party animal buddies. But I don't remember why.

bikesgonewild said...

..."...liked to visit the ladies of the night..."...

...'ladies', whilst being the operative word, would be somewhat euphemistic, of course & in certain parts of town, also highly unlikely...

...but i guess to some guys, a bj from a tranny is two wishes fulfilled...

Anonymous said...

Dear Mr. Snob,

I'm looking for a rigid single speed 29er that climbs like a goat, makes me forget all about gears and suspension, and makes riding fun again (like when I was a kid on a BMX). I'm a "Clydesdale" so ideally this won't be a bike that will crack in half under my enormous giggling girth as I lumber down the trail.

Can you recommend anything?

McFly said...

You should look into a Bianche Pista Fixed Gear. They are the shat.

Anonymous said...

Disembodied arm!

http://www.gumtree.com/p/for-sale/guitar-for-sale-only-7/93404492

hey nonny mouse

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 4:17pm...as per your request of a "...rigid single speed 29er that climbs like a goat, makes me forget all about gears and suspension and makes riding fun again...", i would ask you to reference a book entitled 'it's not about the bike', written by some old, washed up, has-been bike racer...(i think his name was maybe lance lemondo)...

...while any number of 'rides' would suit your basic purpose, i'd suggest something that better allows you to fully achieve your needs &/or desires & that would be a fully enhanced drug regimen including epo, human growth hormone, testosterone & whatever the fuck else "the pros" have been using through the years...

...hell, even throw in a little 'pot belge' with it's methamphetamine, taste of heroin, pinch of strychnine, some coke (not cola) & caffeine...

...i'm just sayin', babe, you could be flyin' instead of just hauling your heavyweight carcass over the hills n' dales...

...anyway...this suggestion is not (necessarily) endorsed by bsnyc/rtms/wcrm due to it's highly illegal nature...

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self-obsessed and sexee said...

bgw, those 'ladies" you're referring to were in the, ahem, Meat Packing district.

mikeweb said...

@bgw and self obsessed...

Like they say: Sometimes It takes one to blow one.

BTW, 11th ave was the spot also because of it's proximity to the Limcoln, ahem, tunnel and all of New Jersey on the other side of it.

"Woody Allen" said...

That's right. They call me Woody.

Tranny said...

@GBGW - I do my best.

Anonymous said...

sweet dude that hitchdude, 2 bad he was just another misogynist warmonger in the end! Now can someone just kill Christie Blatchford too!?

Atif Imran said...

Wow, concern 2 confused me. I imagined it was a still from the city re-make of "Triumph of the Will" where a associate of the dissatisfied bicycle public will pay honor to der fuhrer the Excellent Helmut Nazi. My thoughts must be complicated by depression at Captain christopher Hitchins' moving past...I mean, loss of life. Will overlook his benefits to the theatre of the ridiculous. Latest Samsung Mobiles

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bicycle fender

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OMR said...

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http://www.xtraorbit.com/1366.html

Fixie Bikes said...

Lance Armstrong confirmed as an atheist?