Friday, October 28, 2011

#OccupyBSNYCFridayFunQuiz!


Are you sick of the fact that some people have nice bikes and others have crappy ones? Does the iniquity of the fact that 1% of the cycling population controls the majority of the world's artisanally hand-crafted bicycles while the 99% must make do with mass-produced bikes from Taiwan fill you with rage? Do you like sandwiches? Well, if you answered "Yuh" to at least two out of three of these questions, then join me tomorrow for #OccupyPhillyBikeExpo!

That's right--from 2:00 to 2:45pm tomorrow I'll be #Occupying the Philly Bike Expo, smashing cycling industry greed (except for my own, which doesn't count), and redistributing wealth by showing a bunch of funny pictures and then giving away stuff from Knog, Rapha, and Just Coffee Cooperative, all of whom are giant multinational soul-sucking corporations who are ruining the planet. (Knog make their blinky lights from endangered lizards, Rapha's offshore drilling operations are spilling millions of gallons of chamois cream into the Gulf of Mexico, and Just Coffee Cooperative regularly works with the CIA to install puppet regimes in South America.)

Let it be known that I intend to #OccupyPhillyBikeExpo for as long as it takes for the 99% to prevail--or until 2:46pm, whichever comes first.

And in addition to bringing the finest in lights, embrocations, and coffee, (the gold, frankincense, and myrrh of the cycling world), I'll also be bringing an entire day's worth of crap-tastic weather!

You can thank me afterwards (if you can catch me before 2:46pm), and if it rains feel free to take the bus.

Speaking of #Occupying, you'll be not even remotely surprised to learn that the people #Occupying Portland have built...a bicycle generator:



How anything in this video is any different from pretty much any other given day in Portland is beyond me. In fact, building bicycle generators is Portland's answer to pretty much everything. The 99% is broke and unemployed? Build a bicycle generator! We've been fighting two different wars for the entire 21st century? Build a bicycle generator! Bicycle generator on the fritz? Build a bicycle generator! Building a bicycle generator is Portland's version of "Uh-oh, we'd better stock up on bottled water and duct tape."

In any event, if you're reading this on a bicycle generator-powered computer, you'd better keep pedaling because it's time for a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll #OccupyBeingAwesome, and if you're wrong you'll see...this.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and hopefully I'll see some of you in Philadelphia.


--Wildcat Rock Machine (#Occupied)






1) Most tech pundits believe the "next big thing" in cyclocross will be:






(Peta Todd giving good headdress.)

2) Mark "The Man Missile" Cavendish's significant other, Peta Todd, is:

--Busty
--Pregnant
--A woman of profound cultural sensitivity
--All of the above





3) In a phenomenon that Pope Benedict XVI has now officially recognized as a miracle, a statue of Mario Cipollini has been dripping oil continuously since 1999.

--True
--False





4) Today marks the end of PETA's:

--Cat Week 2011
--Dog Days of Autumn campaign






5) You can now own Falkor the Luck Dragon in saddle form.

--True
--False





(Japanese flag slippers are not technically acceptable for cargo cycling, and turning to stare at your load is a major faux-pas.)

6) According to weird smugness style diktats, the preferred footwear for cargo cycling is the:






(One of these guys actually said this.)

Cycling convert Gary Kemp, ______________'s guitarist, remembers the first time he clocked the carefully art-directed photography of the Rapha website four and half years ago. 'It was like the time I saw the Sex Pistols at The Screen on the Green and swore I'd never wear flares again. Here was a new tribe and I knew that I had to be part of it. Within minutes I was buying clothes from this supercool English company, and I didn't even have the bike!'

7) Gary Kemp is the guitarist for which band?




***Special Missed Connections-Themed Bonus Question***


(But does he wear Rapha?)

She blinded me with:


92 comments:

Lefty said...

Stupid bike!

Rob said...

winnar!!!!!

now I have to read...

Anonymous said...

whoah. mpls pistadex is blowin up

http://minneapolis.craigslist.org/hnp/bik/2673199289.html

Anonymous said...

Snow in New England.

crap.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Just missed the F@%$*&G podium!

Anonymous said...

holy crap another top ten!

Buy-cycle said...

Top 10? Time for read

Jasper said...

Early doors again. Insomnia?

Anonymous said...

Top Ten! The Powertap is paying off.

Anonymous said...

it's not you, it's me.

Kenny Banya said...

dammit

Jasper said...

Okay, read it, and have to say that OMD, as a band from Liverpool, would have spelled Manoeuvres properly, not some stripped down Yankee version.

PeePee Todd said...

Is it acceptable to stare at your load when preparing a "Hot Karl"?

2wheeler said...

damned bonus question!

Jasper said...

But then, on further reflection, the fact that no-one could spell their name may be one of the reasons they shortened their name to OMD.

crosspalms said...

"On the sidewalk with my bike of amazingness" was the one hit by Granny Gear Gary and the Complete Freds. I'm surprised those North Carolina guys didn't use it.

Enjoy Philly!

CommieCanuck said...

The Pope needs to work on canonizing St. Mario-of-Gonorrhea, and by the way, that discharge dripping from his statue is not oil. He should really see someone about that.

Nibbles said...

I fucking hate the Pet Shop Boys. And that Richard Gere asshole.

mikeweb said...

I am the 110%

Anonymous said...

That fury saddle will be perfect for my weekly naked bike ride.



balls.

Charlie Didrickson said...

I wonder if that video was shot on a handcrafted camera?

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Anonymous said...

recede now, go quietly.

Marcel Da Chump said...

The green girl in the wrong answer video rocked.

Anonymous said...

If it rains I'm taking the H2!
The 1% is all those Serotta (and "gap bike" Madone)owning dentists. Curse them!

Just Coffee is good stuff!

(Anonymous from Madison, WI)

Buffalo Bill said...

I did not know that Peta Todd could dislocate her shoulders, I'm sure that tidbit will be useful if I ever make it on to Jeopardy!

Also, didn't Vancouver get a trademark on those cheesy green body suits?

Anonymous said...

ant1

Slowly back in form?

Mcfly said...

Dear BS/WRM,
I been done reading S&MRWC and you have a reoccuring theme of cannondale detestment. So I got me a whatcallamohawk and died it blonde all Gilbetresque so I can tell people I ride a Canyondale. Where can I buy some big GAWDY stickers?

streepo said...

Are you sure there is no Cippolini statue dripping oil? I'm sure I saw a photo of one.

And it did keep me from a perfect score on the quiz.

Which means I burned my retinas watching that video.

Doin the Spandau Ballet said...

If someone see's me riding with my leg swung over the crossbar please dial 9 1 and keep your finger on the 1 just in case....

Smug Hipster said...

(Insert detached ironic observation)

Nogocyclist said...

Yes Virginia, convictions of people killing cyclist with motorized vehicles do exist!

Even though this lead to a conviction, it still should have been a much more severe penalty, particularly in this case.

Nogocyclist said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nogocyclist said...

I'll get the right link up this time.

10 Years for Killing Cyclist

Anonymous said...

More P to the E to the T to the A to the T to the O to the DD or you know what Ima gonna do.

Anonymous said...

google images of peta todd, about 75% of them are topless. what are the odds cipollini has hit that? i would say pretty high. I wonder how the manx missle would feel about that one. once again following great unctuous one.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Even with Kingification that is still a great picture.

A week of outstanding posts. Thanks WCRM.

Occupy - it's all white said...

I am the top 40.

Patent pending

g said...

I-AM-THE-MOTHER-OF-ALL-OCCUPATION-GATES.

Anonymous said...

PETA TODD
NICE RACK
BABY TRAP
CAVS DONE

Anonymous said...

alas, my suitcase of courage was empty

Anonymous said...

That saddle may be the most horrifying thing I have ever seen and will haunt my dreams.

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

that video gave me the douche chills

skink said...

She blinded me with Peta's.

#OccupiedBySnob said...

If it wasn't for that damn bonus question I would have #Occupiedbeingawesome.

And, yes, sickens me that I ride a semi-okay bike and everyone around me rides crappy ones. Well, except for those people who ride really nice artisinally hand-crafted-in-Taiwain crabon bikes.

Yeah, I know, Taiwan said...

...

Anonymous said...

http://lawrence.craigslist.org/rnr/

Marcel Da Chump said...

On second thought, nope ( perhaps one beer too many during lunch).

sexual in your window said...

nice headset and grips.

bikesgonewild said...

...HOW DOES A BILL BECOME A LAW ???...

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

Like This

Nebraska bike commuter (non-DWI edition) said...

Missed all of the questions with the word Peta. Must have been distracted by something.

bikesgonewild said...

...esteemed commenter daddo-one...i appreciate not only the information but that you specifically appealed to me in the format that best applies to my intellect...

...cartoons...

...always holds my attention 'cuz i'm always waiting for 'beep beep' the roadrunner & 'wiley coyote' to show up when i see cartoons...

...btw, where were they ???...

bikesgonewild said...

...& yes, i'm aware that 'beep beep' the roadrunner has a BEAK, not a BILL...

Bikewritercat said...

I thought a bicycle generator was a factory that made bicycles.

Love Portland almost as much as Starboardland.

rural 14 said...

ant 2nd!

snow? melting!

Anonymous said...

That's rudderly ridiculous.

hoot79er said...

With all the time and energy expended just to charge their stupid iPhones you could have fried up a whole mess of epic burritos, and felt way better about it.

Anonymous said...

Why do people want stronger brakes on 'cross bikes? My problem has been getting the bike moving fast enough, not stopping it.

Anonymous said...

Esteemed Commentator and BGW -- no, THIS is how a bill becomes law:

http://vimeo.com/25807800

leroy said...

I just saw a talking lizard walking across the Brooklyn Bridge and dodging bicycles.

Fortunately, it turned out to be a GEICO ad during the World Series and not an acid flashback.

Ride safe all! (Especially if you're riding the bus to Philly.)

Anonymous said...

look at these f'n idiots

http://www.rapha.cc/new-york-upon-thames

Anonymous said...

http://www.you_will_never_believe_it.com

Frosty Karl said...

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two douches' diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less douched' by,

And that has made all the douche'erence.

Anonymous said...

Mornings come early and and I am in a fog about a nice recumbent ride with a new gushing Gene Hathaway last night.

-balls out recumbent

Anonymous said...

It's really not #occupied
I just broke it.

-angry dragon

Anonymous said...

Thank you for confirming our suspicions about just who the recumdouche is.

Smuggsley Aadams said...

There is a Champion know as CIPPO

Who is hung like a bull HIPPO

When he gives a twirl

To a podium girl

She bursts into flame like a ZIPPO

Karate Junky said...

HEY SNOBBIE!


Is it true that if I wish to puschase a Surley Big Dummy that first I have to fail an IQ test?

3G said...

Boobalicious

MOTR BOAT

Anonymous said...

"Love Portland almost as much as Starboardland"

You could warn us....shout "fore" or something....

hey nonny mouse

screaming skull said...

Dances with Boobs!

Ry said...

Great "portaging" at the bottom of this:

http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2011/10/7_billion_gallery/?pid=2349&viewall=true

Wheezing Geezer said...

I've got Gary Kemp's CD player. And that's true.

Anonymous said...

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/969973102/led-by-lite-turning-your-bicycle-into-a-relevant-v

www.LedByLite.com

WOW Gold said...

"On the actual tarmac along with my personal bike regarding amazingness" was the one reach by Nana Items Gary and the Complete Freds. I am just astonished people New york folks failed to apply it.


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Bike Locks said...

In fact, building bicycle generators is Portland's answer to pretty much everything. The 99% is broke and unemployed? Build a bicycle generator!

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Motorcycle Clothing said...

Sometime due to very tight Disc brakes its happened ha ha..

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Fixie Bikes said...

Why don't all bathrooms have those occupied thingies?!

Fixie Bikes said...

Driving to philly in snow; HAHA time for good brakes.

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