Thursday, September 1, 2011

Lashing Out: Apparently Everybody Hates Everybody

Remember the Great New York City Bicycle Crackdown of 2011, when cyclists were getting tickets for laughably minor offenses such as mismatched tires, poor taintal hygiene, and having tiny pieces of spinach lodged between their teeth? Well, in the waning days of summer it may seem like all this happened a lifetime ago, but for those who received those $575 spinach summonses the pain is still all too real. (I'll never eat a spinach omelette ever again.) And now, "Reclaim," the Transportation Alternatives member magazine, has published an interview with a cycling police officer known only as "Officer X" in which he reveals the truth about the NYPD and cyclists (via Gothamist):


The biggest revelation is something I've long suspected, which is that pretty much everything is Critical Mass's fault:

Let's get right down to it: Do police officers hate cyclists?

No. But a lot of things have changed since the Critical Mass incident in 2007, when that rookie cop pushed a cyclist off his bike in Times Square. Now whenever an officer views a cyclist, he immediately associates them with Critical Mass riders and that incident. Even when I ride my bike to the precinct, I get that: “You riding Critical Mass? You one of them?”

Thank you, Critical Mass, for screwing us all with your dildo of self-righteousness.

But wait, there's more! "Officer X" also tells us how exactly to run a red light without fear of reprisal:

We've got about 10,000 subscribers, many of whom are cyclists in New York City. As an officer, and a cyclist, is there anything you would like to tell them?

As a beat cop speaking to cyclists, I would say to follow the law so you have nothing to worry about. As a cyclist speaking to a beat cop, I'd say sometimes it makes more sense to look both ways and coast through a red light.

If a cyclist should ride to a light, see that no one is coming and proceed cautiously, why not? But from an officer's perspective, that is too messy. What if a vehicle comes out of nowhere? How long did the cyclist look to each side? Did they actually come to a complete stop? Was he rolling? It would be impossible to make something so subjective stick in court.

If you must, though, here's a way to safely blow a red light: ride up to it, look both ways, then get of your bike and walk through the intersection, then get back on. No self-respecting cop is going to write a jaywalker.

Unfortunately, this isn't going to work, because while no self-respecting cop is going to ticket a jaywalker, no self-respecting cyclist is going to walk his bicycle through an intersection either. However, I see people on motor scooters do it all the time, which is probably because people who ride motor scooters are already deficient in self-respect.

And best of all, whether you cycle, drive, walk, or putter around on a motor scooter, you can do whatever the hell you want now anyway, because according to "Officer X" apparently they're no longer giving tickets to anybody:

In the next two to three weeks [late July/early August] you may see a sudden decline in the amount of summonses issued to everyone: cyclists, motorists, everybody.

Let the insanity begin!

Speaking of insanity, now that the fixed-gear is finally falling out of favor among New York City cyclists, I've noticed a new form of idiotic intersection behavior that is rapidly filling the void left by the trackstand. Here's how it works:

1) Approach a heavily-trafficked intersection without slowing down at all;

2) Ride right through the red light;

3) When you're almost hit by a honking car, come to an abrupt stop and put down a single foot;

4) As traffic continues to roar past you, awkwardly push yourself the rest of the way through the intersection with that single foot like an elderly crab with a walker.

I don't understand the thought process behind this idiotic behavior, but I've seen it at pretty much every red light I've encountered this week. My best guess is that as fixed-gear riders transition to bicycles that coast they still don't understand how brakes work, and so when trouble arises their first instinct is to put their feet down Fred Flinstone style.

Meanwhile, in Kalamazoo, Michigan (a place that, to my surprise, actually exists outside of cartoons), a reader informs me that, instead of running down cyclists, drivers are "cutting out the middle man" as it were and driving right into the bike shops:


So far the authorities are at a loss as to what happened:

There is no word yet on what caused the driver to crash into the building.

Though I hope they're investigating the theory that the motor vehicle operator is a complete and utter moron.

Of course, something like this could never happen in Portland--or could it? Apparently not every Portlander is a bike-humping smugmonger, for a reader recently forwarded the following photo:

In which one car owner makes his thoughts on cycling quite clear:


As it happens, the car would appear to belong to somebody involved with a shop called "DynaSport," and their website describes their enterprise thusly:

DynaSport was founded by enthusiasts to serve enthusiasts. There’s something special about BMW’s and MINI’s, and we believe there should be something special about the way your vehicle is serviced as well. As BMW and MINI owners ourselves, we understand what’s behind the wheel.

I'm pretty sure I understand what's behind the wheel too, and that would be a raging douchebag.

In any case, with all the anti-cycling sentiment out there, it's no wonder that some of us feel persecuted. One way to deal with this is to band together and form rides like Critical Mass, which only serve to make the situation worse. Or, another way is to channel all your rage into a gruesomely violent "hilpster" revenge fantasy, as in this short film to which I was alerted by another reader:

Human Cop Killer from jay dougrey on Vimeo.

In it, we see a rider who's a member of the "trying to be scary" hilpster subset:

As he rides around, he performs stupid hilpster tricks such as skidding into pedestrians so that they're forced to admire the expensive crabon disc wheel he bought on eBay:

Then, he stops to drink a wine cooler:

After which he is denied entry into his favorite brunch spot by a bouncer who looks like Kevin Bacon on HGH:

This makes him so mad that he sprints wildly--though not so wildly that he's able to overcome his fear of using the drops:

In fact, the thought of riding in the drops scares him so much that it makes him vomit:

Two and a half wine coolers later, a driver starts honking at him because he is riding like a upper-echelon idiot:

So he gets off his bike and confronts the motorist:

And then stabs him to death with his Bartles & Jaymes, leaving the rest of us to wonder what in Lob's name we just watched:

The moral of the story, of course is this: Fixed-gear riders really shouldn't try to look tough, since the "fierce kitten" effect almost always causes it to backfire.

(Leader of the "Hellkrew" will give you the scratching of a lifetime.)

I'd like to see the wine cooler-swigging Hellkrew guy try his antics in New York, where I've just been informed you're lucky to finish your ride without getting brained by packs of teenagers:

I'm pretty sure that once the debris started flying the Hellkrew would immediately cower in the nearest brunch spot, and if nothing else this story adds yet another dimension to the eternal helment argument. Mostly though, I'm relieved that the rider wasn't injured more seriously, and I'll also add that if you haven't had a hard object hurled at you while traveling in a car, on a bike, or on foot in New York City, then you probably haven't lived here very long. Or else you're very, very scary looking.

Speaking of things that look scary, a reader in Washington, DC recently spotted this:

Coincidentally, this is exactly what your ejaculate looks like under a microscope after you've eaten an entire bag of Skittles.

Even scarier is this homemade recumbent spotted by a reader in Sacramento:


Given the situation in New York City these days, if you ride a recumbent in Brooklyn you should probably wear a goalie mask.

134 comments:

g said...

Winner?

g said...

oh yeah!

g said...

Koolaid!

Anonymous said...

my life is complete now

Anonymous said...

suck it, wishiwasmerckx!

mikeweb said...

I hate myself.

petrus said...

Hot dog!

Anonymous said...

still sprinting...

streepo said...

meh-velous

grog said...

It's not idiotic intersection behavior, it's freedom of interspression.

theEel said...

weed.

Anonymous said...

Every time Critical Mass takes place it sets all of us cyclists back. Fuck that stupid ride.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

ant1 said...

damn g.

ant1 said...

walking your bike through an intersection could be cross training.

g said...

Looks like Boonen is going to get one of the last poor taintal hygiene tickets.

Uncomfortable description here.

ringcycles said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ringcycles said...

Thanks BSNYC, now I'll never again be able to eat a pack of Skittles.

ant1 said...

gibson guitars are made in kalamazoo. i think the kazoo was invented there too.

OBA said...

Colonel Klink says: "Pogan!"

Lanterne Rouge said...

Classic column. I laughed, I cried. It was better than Shrek the Musical.

ringcycles said...

then again, what are the chances that recumba-babe likes Skittles?

Etherhuffer said...

Critical Massholes. Man Snobbie, your post ruined my day. What a downer.

By the way, are the Massholes related to people who are tat covered and get mad at you when you stare? Or the ones with earbuds and iPads having a one way conversation in a crowd?

Real change comes from people who build something up, not tear something down. Massholes are all car hate and tear-down. No get along and share with those folks. Meh.

Cortelyou Anquetil said...

I have little use for Critical Mass per se but people need to remember they had those rides in Manhattan for years w/o incident. I forget the Deputy Chief who had a fucking hard-on for the whole thing but I recall it relates to the anti-civill liberties fuckery that accompanied the Republican National Convention here in 2006.

That said, the self-righetous politico groupies (they'll forgive Bloomturd anything for another strip of green paint) of Transportation Alternatives are just as much to blame, because their propaganda-- and that of FRAUDS like Aaron Naparstek-- is so transparently false.

When I can't even roll out my front door onto one way street because some asshole is riding the wrong way talking on cell phone AND drinking coffee, I say PLEASE have more cars parked in bike lanes-- I can at least ride around (not into) them.

re: Walt Whitman/Ingersol Houses harassment, whither Major Taylor?!

Anonymous said...

As the parent of a couple toddlers, I have enough blood covered faces and ketchup covered faces to be able to tell the difference. I think the guy attacked the Happy Meal sitting on the passenger seat of the car.

Anonymous said...

What is the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?

The pricks are on the outside of a porcupine

Anonymous said...

Skittles ejaculate panties!

Anonymous said...

As the parent of a couple toddlers, I have seen enough blood covered faces and ketchup covered faces to be able to tell the difference. I think the guy attacked the Happy Meal sitting on the passenger seat of the car.

Burt Reynolds 531 said...

Aw, Man! It's Stupid Asshole Thursday again.

3G said...

Ok what in the name of Felice Gimondi was that movie?

hey what happened to said...

C T
A A
L T
F S


MASS HOLZ

JAYB IKER

BRIK DOGR

SKTL JIZZ

Rhetoric Al said...

Hey, maybe some Mini drivers will show up here all pissed off! Or better yet, they'll bring some of their BMW racer-boy wannabees along to look tough. That would be so cool...

I'll make some popcorn.

Etherhuffer said...

Q: How many Critical Mass riders does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A "Hey man, that's not funny. You hater."

mikeweb said...

My message to drivers out there who hate me: Listen, I don't want to have to be in your way, but there's obstacles like potholes, double parked vehicles, opening car doors, froot-booters and other fucktard cyclists going the wrong way with cells phones glued to their heads that I have to avoid.

Except the Critical Massholes. They actually do want to be in your way.

Anonymous said...

The cyclocross dismount at speed, sprint, and flying remount just got elevated above tarkstanding on the list of essential bike handling skills for cities.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I say FUCK Aaron Naperstek!

(BTW, does anyone know who this Aaron Naperstek is?)

Hungry Panda said...

Why am I so scared?

New York is a dangerous place where the criminals and police hate you.

The world is not a warm and fuzzy place.

I only love those that build recyclable bamboo bicycles.

Hungry Panda said...

http://gothamist.com/2011/08/31/cyclist_killed_by_mercedes-benz_in.php

This makes me even sadder, I dont think I will reproduce again without help.

Anonymous said...

I think I'll stay over here for the time being......!

hey nonny mouse

Xak said...

So...'cop killer' copped out and took it all out on a civilian who doesn't like drinking & biking? He's his own worst enemy? That video made me sad any way you spin it.

Where's 'paintjob key-er' when you need him? Something tells me that BMW hasn't had its current owner very long.

mikeweb said...

@wiwm,

The more you know.

Anonymous said...

Will a cop give you a ticket for "schluffing" through an intersection?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Mikeweb,

I am stunned there is a Wikipedia entry for Aaron Naparstek.

--Wildcat Washing Machine

Lloyd Loar said...

Ant @ 12:57, I believe Gibson moved all its domestic manufacture to Nashville. Still, all the best instruments (banjos!) came out of Kalamazoo way back in the day.

...I think

Marcel Da Chump said...

Here's a thought:
that BMW owner can't ride a bike. Bigotry is born of ignorance.
And all you anti-bike trolls with your hateful comments: it's never too late to learn.

CommieCanuck said...

"Coincidentally, this is exactly what your ejaculate looks like under a microscope after you've eaten an entire bag of Skittles. "

oh god, milk came out of my nose!
(I wasn't even drinking milk at the time)

Mary said...

The German, Dutch, Danish, Austrian, British, and North American cyclists in those "Skittles" (velomobiles) pedaled from Portland, Oregon to Washington DC in less than a month, riding an average of 125 miles a day, camping along the way and visiting the officially bike-friendly cities of Portland, Billings, Helena, Minneapolis, Madison, Chicago, and Washington. (The cops on the Mall in Washington weren't very bike-friendly, but it was between the earthquake and the hurricane, so maybe they were under stress.)

crosspalms said...

Skittles? Check.
Microscope? Check.
Now to find out. I love science.

CommieCanuck said...

I'm pretty sure that bike shop driver was a Martin Erzinger-like accident. When in a fine German automobile, ones own doucheness can overcome ones senses, while listening to the sound of 500+ horsepower and rampant devaluation.

petrus said...

I give you my props, Etherhuffer. Fine wit there, lad. Fine wit.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Enjoy the happy splash of color. In the future velomobiles will all be black, white or one of seven shades of silver. And clog the streets as their like colored internal combustion driven predecessors once did.

mikeweb said...

@WWM,

I was just as surprised at this entry when I found it.

Though the world really does need to learn of the wonder that is the 22oz bottle of Ballantine Ale for $4.50.

Blog Drafter said...

Hey, I went to school in Kalamazoo. If I'd known that Recumbabe was going to show up I would've stuck around!

Critical Boner said...

Taint funny.

Light bulb said...

Oh, forget it then. I'll screw myself in.

CommieCanuck said...

BTW.. This is what it looks likes without the microscope.

Buffalo Bill said...

If you are deficient in self-respect, pick a slower group to ride with.

Etherhuffer said...

@Petrus

Thanks, but its unfortunately too close to the truth.

Q How many Critical Mass riders does it take to screw in a compact fluorescent bulb?

A"Hey man, those things have mercury in them! You hate the environment or something? You asshole, get a bike."

mikeweb said...

CC,

Very nice work.

Q: How many Skittles does one need to eat for the same effect?

A friend of mine wants to know. Really.

Buffalo Bill said...

I see the San Marco Vintage Regal Bicycle Saddle ads still say:
blah blah blah
Ridden by Boonen.
blah blah

ouch.

Terre Haute Karl said...

The pic from DC, is that a group of streamlined recumbents or soap box derby racers?

rural 14 said...

ant 2nd!
ether?
skittles?
washing machine?
lob hep me.

Kittens said...

Kittens!

henry gibson said...

a poem

im not talking about hate

im talking about eight

dinner at eight

lets eat

thank you

Etherhuffer said...

Q: How many Critical Massholes does it take to screw in a high pressure sodium bulb in a fire rated fixture?

A: Ha!Trick question! Those are commercial fixtures and are only serviced by people who have a job!

Anonymous said...

great one today. I have that Human Cop Killer fantasy at least once a day on my daily bike commute.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Cortelyou, I hated the suppresion of civill liberties at the RNC leading up to that 2006 presidential election.

Anonymous said...

I've noticed similar idiotic behavior from the beautiful godzilla set on thier fashionably retro bikes. They roll into a busy intersection against the light and expect cars to go around them and they seem immune to being hit by oncoming traffic. I'm amazed at the audacity, one was even chatting on her cell phone.

one of these chicks are going to get munched, I'm afraid.

Smorg said...

Brilliant as usual. You really kill my laughing muscles! :oD

What an ass of a cop would tell cyclists they can cross an intersection against the light anyhow. Perhaps he was sipping vodka during the interview rather than harmless water, ay?

bikesgonewild said...

...i hope our favorite little naked recumbebabe never tries to ride that california cob-job...

...i'd fear for the safety of her 'fierce kitty'...

Anonymous said...

you need to stop using that stupid picture of the naked women- let it go. Once more and I am done reading.

skink said...

The Human Cop Killer's jacket should read:

HELL BREW

PUKE FAST

Bikewritercat said...

This is the best column featuring this particular combination of words that I have read today.

Salty and Sore said...

"Coincidentally, this is exactly what your ejaculate looks like under a microscope after you've eaten an entire bag of Skittles."

Hahahaha!..

Kinda makes me wish I was a dude.

But then, the Dildo of Self-Righteousness would have to have a different appeal.

Could it be said...

...that the people who made that moronic video actually thought they were being funny?

No. That doesn't work either.

bikesgonewild said...

...now that tom 'cocaine cowboy' boonen can't get away with luring the young girls in with the white powder, he thinks "hot talk" like '...the area between the scrotum and the anus, is simply the most delicate part of the body...' is gonna work...

...insufferable bastard...

Anonymous said...

1st Friday Critical Mass Union Sq North Boomin' sound system guarenteed no kops! AYHSMB

Bon Jon Bovi said...

Shot through the Gates belt drive on a metal frame

Alfine Hub static to blame

You give vagina (vulva) bike saddle sex

A bad name

Etherhuffer said...

Q; How many female triatheletes with moustaches and unibrows does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 3. One to do it and two more to discuss how much better it was than a man.

Anonymous said...

7pm Friday Union Square North

1st Friday Critical Mass

It is what you make it. Come and see for yourself. Or just believe what the cops believe. That will show them.

Anonymous said...

@ Cortelyou-- ** 2004 ** RNC, otherwise pont well taken.

On the other hand, when it's apparently fucking Bloomturd for Mayor forever, one can forgive your losing a little track of the years.

Meanwhile, misguided "bike activists" kiss his corrupt and corrupting ass while (over)castigating NYPD and Ray Kelly--

Q: Who the fuck do you think HIRED "Popeye" and allows him to run the department into the ground unchecked?

Go back to Portland, dipshits, you know NOTHING.

Trek Lepperd said...

@Anon 4:05 & etc.

I'm sure you are happy (and awfully important) in your little trust-funded fantasy world, but most of us have to live in reality. Sorry, but that's the way it is.

ashcroftchops said...

"Coincidentally, this is exactly what your ejaculate looks like under a microscope after you've eaten an entire bag of Skittles"........................

That is one classic line oh snobby one! Coupled with the picture its gotta be up there with the best of 2011

bikesgonewild said...

...i asked doctor ruth what she thought of that video...

..."obviously zat young man, who strives zo hard to be different, iz alzo concerned zat he doesn't fit in any more...he can't even get into za places he used to visit...

...he's zo alcoholic, he can't even hold it down, zo in total frustration he rides home...za sequence where he's challenging zat car signifies nothing more than abject self confrontation & za supposed stabbing is a simple fantasy as he engages in brutal self abuse...

...either zis young man needs some serious help or he just needs to get laid, ya ???"
...

...thank you, doctor ruth...

...hey, i don't make this shit up...i asked an expert...

CommieCanuck said...

Mike.. two bags of Skittles, and four white-wine Spritzers should do it.

Anonymous said...

@Ant 3:16: The idea that Beautiful Goddesses are immune to bike accidents came to an end yesterday on Delancey St. One rode full speed through a red light. I was coming the other way with the GREEN light. Our paths crossed, my discs locked up and I went down. My body and bike were unharmed but I can't say the same about her ego or her rear wheel, which was bent from the force of my front wheel crashing into it. If I had been in a car, she'd be a dead Goddess.

vinniekowalski said...

Podium commenters are such an interesting phenomenon. Have you seen this, WRM?
http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/080811/please-leave-us-comments.gif

Elt said...

Another awesome post. I have to say I've only just recently discovered your blog ( I live in Blighty, North Wales) and I'm glad I did. It never fails to make me piss myself laughing every day :)

Cheers!

bikesgonewild said...

...hey, elt...if you're ever cycling through machynlleth, look for the old working flour mill that allows the tourists to see how it was done whilst sipping a cup of tea...

...therein is a foto of me great, great, (great ???) granda, morgan morgans who was the miller back in his day...

...a few led zeppelin songs were penned at bron yr aur in the surrounding hills, also...

...ta', mate

Phil Legit said...

blogger g who podiumed 1 2 3 not only failed his urine test but has also pled guilty to being Floyd Landis.

Will these menonites never learn?

Elt said...

Heh funnily enough BGW, me and a few buddies are cycling down to Cardiff from Caernarfon THIS SATURDAY (176 miles, thru Machynlleth) for the Wales Air Ambulance. Click on the Blogger logo to have a nosey at me blog/more details...

Ah the good 'ole Bron yr Aur stomp; love Led Zepp meself :)

Cheers :)

Nebraska bike commuter (non-DWI edition) said...

that Sacramento recumbent needs only rear steering to really go ALL THE WAY!

bikesgonewild said...

...elt...off to work but i'll be checking in asap, no doubt about it...

Fergie said...

Yeah, Critical Mass is in a sorry state in NYC. But it wasn't always that way. Back in 2003 (Bike Summer) the rides were thousands of people, including messengers, Black Label and Chunk 666 folks, and every other kind of cyclists from Fast and Fabulous to bike cops. Was it a shit show? Not any worse then the 5 boro bike tour, the NYC Century, the tour de (boro), or ANY OTHER RIDE.

When the RNC came to town in 2004, they sent around a warning to the cops that every local group not made up of republicans was being infiltrated by outsiders intent on mayhem and violence. Critical Mass was one such "organization" who's membership and leadership were taken over by "Anarchists"! Nevermind that CM wasn't an organization, had no members or leaders, and was already full of anarchists, who were the nicest people you would ever meet. Those are just details.

So yeah, the police crack down, and after YEARS of getting told that cyclists are violent criminals, a dumbass rookie steamrolls a cyclist for the crime of... riding down the street. And it is all critical mass's fault?

But yes, the ride isn't perfect, after-all it is full of the very cyclists who do all those things that drive Snobby crazy. But we pull off hours long rides surrounded by cops without a single legitimate offense, and I have never seen any other group of cyclists, drivers, or pedestrians come close to pulling that off.

PK said...

Is it possible the Michigan driver was overpowered by the smell of his new car? I hear it's pretty common.

Poppa Wheelie said...

Skittles from now on. Check.
No more Kit Kats.

Hungry Panda said...

http://gothamist.com/2011/09/01/tricycle_wheel_thief_on_the_loose_i.php

the horror, the horror.

God that makes me hungry.

Martin Erzinger said...

Don.t even joke about that, nothing happens in Michigan, and vapor overload only happens in Mercedes's and in Colorado.

Fucking peasants.

Martin Erzinger said...

Don.t even joke about that, nothing happens in Michigan, and vapor overload only happens in Mercedes's and in Colorado.

Fucking peasants.

Anonymous said...

Who is Dr. Ruth?

You guys must be older than dirt.

Anonymous said...

Lemme get this right.

The cop is pissed off about the cops beating up the Critical Ride rider, and that they fought back in their own anemic way.

Yea, that must be it.

Count me in for the next cop killing critical ride. We going to bust some Cop Ass.

wishiwasmerckx said...

As NWA said...

Anonymous said...

Those velomobiles were part of ROAM roll over america a ride from left coast to right coast

perthcyclist said...

Hm, Cops sure hold grudges don't they? Was the Rookie Cop disciplined for roughing up the cyclist? Are they pissed off cos he got disciplined? I really don't get it.

yyz113 said...

I have zero self respect; I've been shluffing against reds for years. After getting dinged by Officer Serve & Protect (me from myself) for running a yellow on the lateside, I realized that bicycles are ambiambulatory. And so it began: swing a leg shluff-side on approach, brake, run 3 steps, shluff a bit, swing a leg back over while crossing the pedestrian x-ing on the other side, & ride away clean. (Or dirty, if that's how you roll).

Colin said...

Not that I'm any fan of Critical Mass, but that cyclist was shoved off his bike by some small-dicked macho cop. Except for riding in Critical Mass, which isn't a crime in itself, he didn't do anything wrong. I'm guessing cops are mad because they were caught on camera and forced to cough up some dough (or the city was, at least). Oh well, as a wise man once said "Don't do the crime if you can't do the time."

Why the hell are cops mad at cyclists? That's like the middle school bully getting mad at the kid he just beat up because he got sent to the principal's office.

Shows you that law enforcement and crime can be very emotional and subjective concepts.

Anonymous said...

Critical Mass.....

I went on one once; never been so scared/intimidated on a bike before or since. That includes bampot mountain biking and riding on velodromes.

hey nonny mouse

Trek Lepperd said...

I turn myself into a pedestrian sometimes at dangerous intersections, even to the point of removing my helmet. I figure it takes most of the confusion out of the situation for the texters who find they have to drive from one place to another now and then. They have a difficult time of it, and I figure they can use the help in not running me over.

g-roc said...

Yehuda's woo-hoo speed is considerably lower than a Fred's (no, not that Fred).

http://www.yehudamoon.com/index.php?date=2011-09-01

screaming skull said...

I can't speak for everyone,

but I only rode Critical Mass

to get some

critical ass.

leroy said...

Anon 3:35 --

I'll miss you.

If it helps, my dog suggests you consider that, from a technical standpoint, the recumbent rider isn't really naked.

She's wearing sun glasses.

leroy said...

Anon 3:35 --

My dog overlooked the fact that the recumbent rider is also wearing shoes.

He must have been too busy checking out the bike to notice.

ce said...

Kevin Baconator should have unleashed 6 degrees of smackdown on Hellkrew.

Nice subtle Recumbabe placement today Wildcat Washing Machine. The sneakier it is, the funnier it is. You were getting a bit heavy handed with it for a while there.

Etherhuffer 3:02pm, despicable stereotyping. Hilarious despicable stereotyping.

Reggie said...

The Hell-Kitty video was made private. Awww, bwahaha. Sensitive little hipster took his ball home when his little kitty feelings got hurt, huh?

Etherhuffer said...

My apologies. And thank you very much!

Yeah I know it is stereotyping. One of the CM folks here in Seattle owns a bike shop. So, yes, he is employed. He is also known to yell at customers, has exorbitant prices, and has some entertaining reviews of his shop on Yelp.

One of their rides was on a bike restricted stretch of freeway. The cops did an "escort" so that no one got hurt and then just left. And a long line of red faced angry drivers behind. Bad will purchased by the ton.

JDH said...

DynaSport? Driving shitty imports is a sport? Here's a thought...lick my bag, and stay off the sidewalk.

Bobby said...

I will never think of Skittles the same way again.

Kind of makes one wonder about the slogan, "taste the rainbow", doesn't it?

All joking aside, those candies are awesome. Won't be able to eat 'em without busting up now, thanks!

That BMW driving cornhole pisses me off.

Anonymous said...

Heh heh...BGW I think you know what the lady needs.
Fierce kittens, corn cobs and could we add a shish ka bob?

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 7:40pm..."Who is Dr. Ruth?
You guys must be older than dirt."
...

...see, the thing is, you just revealed that it's obvious you know who doctor ruth is or you wouldn't imply that we'd have to be old to know what era she's from...you could have simply pretended that you just weren't aware of who she is...NOW or in the past...

...sorry but you just shot yourself in the foot there, bucko...

bikesgonewild said...

...fergie @ 7:03...while what you're saying may be true, you're looking at the 'critical mass' situation from only one perspective - that of a critical 'masser'...

...to narrow it down & simplify it, critical mass was initially organized to make the general population & the motoring public in particular, aware of both our numbers & our plight as cyclists...

...at this point, in any city that has regularly been 'massed', over & over again, & oft times with confrontations & even violence, we've become a like the house guest that won't leave...we've overstayed our welcome on top of being bad guests...

...if you're riding in the group, you're (hopefully) laughing, having a good time & sharing the experience with other cyclists but if you're trapped in a vehicle, stalled by virtue of a cycling gridlock on a friday night, created by people who's only intent seems to be to party, well, it's not unfathomable to be pissed off, rather than empathetic...

paulb said...

I'm not talking about hate... Dinner at eight... Firesign Theater?

Benny Kanya. said...

HEY LlOYD LOAR @ 1:44, You don't have to write Ant @ 12:57. We all know who FUCK ant1st is.

ant3rd!

Suck It, WIWM.

Benny's Mom said...

Time for your meds, Benny.

Sorry, folks. I'll see he doesn't bother you again.

The Cheat said...

Skittles.....

Reminded me of this:

http://www.adweek.com/adfreak/most-raunchy-skittles-commercial-you-will-ever-see-nsfw-133630

Yes, it's NSFW.

Anonymous said...

Critical Mass - makes me want to go out and buy a car. Some day someone will run over 50 of these losers in a single crazed vehicular assault, it will be posted on youtube, and I will get a good laugh.

Kevin said...

Stay classy Kalamazoo!

nick v said...

Way to go Sage!

nick v said...

Way to go Sage!

buy cycling jerseys said...

Thanks for the heads up on this many brooklyn cyclists I know have been ticketed but not so far in queens

Anonymous said...

Hey! That bent at the end is one of my prototypes! The photos were probably taken while I was working on the next version.

The new one isn't quite so dangerous for the nether regions. Thankfully.

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Fixie Bikes said...

"Apparently Everybody Hates Everybody "

Truth