Thursday, September 29, 2011

Coming and Going: Socks, Cups, and Belts

In these high-tech days of "electronic mail," "instant massages," and "telephone calls," going to your physical mailing box can be an experience fraught with stress and anxiety. Sure, an email can contain a nasty virus or a Nigerian scam, but at least you don't have to actually touch or smell anything. On the other hand, your analog mailbox can contain pretty much anything. It could be an unexpected financial windfall, or it could be a notice from a collection agency, or it could just be a note that says "Eff you blog boy" that's been lovingly seasoned with anthrax.

Fortunately, yesterday was a "best case scenario" for me down at the old mailin' hole. In addition to the small packet of "Wednesday weed" that I had mailed myself from Amsterdam, it also contained a pair of socks. And these weren't pre-worn, funky, unlaundered socks from strangers like I usually receive, either. They were brand-spunking-new collectable foot sockings still in the original packaging!

The socks, as you may have figured out by now, were from the excellent Cycling Inquisition blog, and you can get some here along with other body part coverings. Best of all, they have the blog's URL right on the foot part!

That's so when you're chatting on the group ride and you want to tell someone about that awesome blog you read, and they ask for the URL, but you can't remember, all you have to do is just whip off a Sidi and stick your foot in their face.

Also, as far as I know, they're fully compatible with the new All Hail the Black Market kits:

So be sure to promote one or both of these great blogs on your next ride. (As for this blog, it's far from great. Anyway, as you can tell from my new bikes I'm officially going "full douche" now, so I'm no longer calling this a blog. Instead, I now refer to it as a "cycling-themed electronic prose manifestation.")

Or you can just stick with the Primal Wear, whatever works for you.

But wait, there's more! In addition to the socks, there was something else in my mailbox. Something special. Something imbued with feminine mystique. Something that came in a small pouch labeled "Diva," which you can see here in the clutches of my helper monkey, Vito:

I opened the pouch and gently removed the object inside with trembling fingers, and the music of Juliana Hatfield began to play as if from nowhere. Then, Vito grabbed it from me and put it on his head like a hat:

Still, I was at a loss. Was it a collapsible silicone shot glass? Was it something you'd use to perform a hydraulic disc brake overhaul? I then thought about the process of bleeding brakes, and that's when it hit me:

It was a menstrual cup!

You may recall that some time ago, I mentioned a blog called "Sustainable Cycles," chronicling the adventures of two women who had embarked upon a project to "Bicycle Down the West Coast, Meet Women, Talk about Menstrual Cups, and Live on $4 a Day:"


Well, not only did they appreciate the mention, but the also asked me if they could show their gratitude by sending me my very own menstrual cup.

Um, fuck yeah!

At this point you may be wondering, "What use could you possibly have for a menstrual cup?" Well, firstly, there's this. Secondly, there's the big, big savings:

Over a lifetime, the average woman spends about 2000 dollars on single use pads and tampons, creating an enormous truck-load of trash. Menstrual cups are made of non-absorbent latex or silicon and last for up to 10 years: quite a deal for $35 dollars!

And there's your custom bicycle frame.

In all seriousness, it makes me feel all tingly inside that two people are not only touring by bicycle in order to promote something they believe in, but that they're doing so with good cheer and in good humor. Then again, that inner tingling could just be a sign that it's menstrual cup time. Either way, it's a refreshing alternative to the usual touring logs in which people boast about their mileage, document the minutiae of their bicycle set-ups, and generally suffer from the delusion that their cycling vacations are on par with the exploits of the great explorers.

By the way, the menstrual cup they sent me is made in Canada, which I guess means that not only is American manufacturing truly dead, but that we also technically can't refer to the United States as "Canada's menstrual cup."

Speaking of monthly cycles, it would appear that my one month testing period for the Avenging Disco Belt-Drive Bike is now at an end, which means it's time to pack it up and send it back to these guys:

The bike, as you may recall if you didn't bother to click on the above link, is the Base Urban something-or-other, and the month I had with it passed too quickly--not because I loved the bike (frankly I did not), but because I spent like half that time in Europe. I did use it last night to transport myself to a social engagement, and here's what it looks like with a "filth prophylactic" on the seatpost:

From a commuting standpoint, the cleanliness of the drivetrain is undeniably attractive. (By the way, the belt is now mostly quiet, except on inclines, when it makes a sound pretty much exactly like derailleur rub.) Other than that, the bike was a bit like a roommate you go out of your way to avoid. It's shaped like a road bike but doesn't perform like one, so for recreation you'd naturally opt for a road bike. At the same time, it's shaped too much like a road bike to be comfortable or practical for commuting, which meant it was a struggle not to simply reach for my trusty Scattante. Then there's the frame. I mentioned the untenable eyelets, and I also noticed that, due to all the wacky stuff going on in rear dropout land, I experienced repeated heel strike:

In fairness to the bike, I am highly duckfooted, but I've never experienced that before on a bike without panniers:

By the way, in case you're wondering, yes, those are rubber slip-on shoes shaped like Vans with no laces. The father of 17 children, I have given up on fashion long ago. And yes, I'm also wearing a rubber shirt shaped like an unbuttoned Oxford.

In any case, I'd like to thank the belt drive people for lending me the bike, as well as the Gates people for helping me sort out the initial noise issues. And once the bike is on its way home, that means I will have one less bike to juggle, though juggling bikes is a lot easier than juggling fire and knives on rollers, as in this video:



This man may be the world's deadliest Fred:

Though he really should upgrade those blades to crabon. He could always use the "spokes" from an old set of Spinergys.

83 comments:

Kenny said...

AND THAT'S HOW A BILL BECOMES A LAW!

I have a URL on my forehead said...

Yupper!

SingleSpeedMark said...

top 5?

Anonymous said...

no recumbabe

Ed said...

Top Ten again

Sporks said...

Top Ten Finishhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Yee Yee Yee!

luciferyellow said...

schluff, schluff

Anonymous said...

bike paneers

Matt said...

Top ten and I read it too!

Anonymous said...

Top Te...................oh nevermind.

Anonymous said...

11

cycle

Cortelyou Anquetil said...

Top Ten for upgrade points?

I thought they took Snob's laces in jail--

Brooklyn House of Detention style!

Belt drive is silly btw and I fail to understood neuvo-bike culture dipshits who ** always ** seem to have chain or chainwheel marks on them.

Do they have to touch ** everything **?

pebes said...

early riser, eh?

Marcel Da Chump said...

A menstrual cup crowned Vito? That's no way to treat your helper.

Kenny Banya said...

DDLY FRED

Paul Bowen said...

"brand-spunking-new"

That gained something in translation. Not sure I wanted it tbh.

pebes said...

for a moment, i thought Vito was wearing a mu-mu. now, I am both repulsed and strangely curious about the menstrual cup.

"BILLY" said...

You got my letter...great.

Save teh Freds said...

I didn't read the post on the marauding menstrual minnies (naturally), but does the cup integrate into a fem saddle?

Anonymous said...

MNST RLCP

wishiwasmerckx said...

Now everyone raise your menstrual cup for a toast to the Bride and Groom!

buy mobile phones said...

wow i will surely buy these kind of cloths , these are very nice for cycling

Don't Buy Mobile Phones said...

I also find these cloths very nice for the cycling. Where is to by the buying

streepo said...

Yes, but can he juggle 4 menstrual cups?

g said...

You want to impress me, do this on rollers.

CommieCanuck said...

When Mark Cavendish wins a sprint juggling knives, will people stop hating him?

CommieCanuck said...

g...damn you, cat juggling is illegal, take that shit to Tijuana or New Jersey.

hillbilly said...

what, I don't want sockz!?

hillier99 said...

DUCK FOOT

CommieCanuck said...

MNST RCUP

Anonymous said...

I palp Diadoras--not Sidis. Will these socks clash or make my ass look fat?

CommieCanuck said...

Knives ..pffft.
Check out what Fabio does in his garage all winter..

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I have a comment related to today's post.

Years ago my parents bought some property in the country. The occupants of said property was made up of a man and his wife and two teenage daughters. In the bathroom of the single wide trailer home below the vanity they kept a small trash can. Which they apparently never bothered to empty. I'll put it this way: I wish they had been using the cup. Fucking animals. Twenty some years and that horrible image is still burned into my memory.

I didn't enjoy my lunchtime V8 today.

Shudder.

Jasper said...

@streepo said..."Yes, but can he juggle 4 menstrual cups?"
Are those full or empty cups? Just asking.
Anon @ 12:27, yeah, your bum looks big in that. Anyone who say palping, even ironically, is going to be a big arse.

wishiwasmerckx said...

NO ONE EXPECTS THE CYCLING INQUISITION!!!

Among our weaponry are fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency and a fanatical devotion to the Pope!!!

Anonymous said...

Jasper at 12:31:

You said it, Friendo!

Anonymous said...

Lehigh Valley Velodrome Flea Market this Saturday!
http://www.thevelodrome.com/flea-market/

Will the Snob be there?

Anonymous said...

WIWM

Biggles, fetch the soft socks...

ant1 said...

ant1st!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 12:39 PM,

No Lehigh Valley Velodrome Flea Market for me--almost all of those words freak me out.

I'm also still traumatized by that Gentlemen's Race.

--Wildcat Wuss Machine

xyxax said...

Rocked the Cycling Inquisition jersey on the commute yesterday. It was smugtacular.

Isn't the Menstrual Cup the trophy for the NHL champion?

Reginald Cumming VI said...

Snob. Where'd ya cop the 'crotch cam'? I have a solo-porn XXX video in preproduction and I need one quick as the helmet cam seems to wander during the c*m-shot sequences. If ya catch me drift?

Oh. By the by. The title is HamFistapollooza 2011.

grog said...

TOP 50!
Way to go Kenny!
Vito is adorable, but he seems to require a XXL menstrual cup.

Shirtless In Seattle said...

felcher cup?

CommieCanuck said...

xyxax...the NHL Menstrual Cup is awarded to the Southern expansion team that can manage to gain the highest local disinterest in a season.

Go Phoenix Coyotes!

CommieCanuck said...

C'mon Snob, don't you NEED high-zoot swag? Don't you really ” squirrel away” derailleurs and brake calipers from your fixie?
Isn't your basement easily mistaken for an Craigslist whorehouse?

Even I'll admit I "beaver away" a few extra menstrual cups over the summer.

xyxax said...

@CC

YaY Yotes!

(this from a long ago Fort Worth Wings fan)

g-roc said...

America's been turned on its head. It's just not the same here now that I'm living in America's menstral cup. Time to head for America's sombrero.

g said...

Isn't the Menstrual Cup the trophy for the WNBA Championship?

yogisurf said...

All this time I thought Vito was imaginary. Snobby, get some jerseys and socks for sale. I’ll buy. And congrats on your new bike. It’s sweeeeeeeeeeeeeet.

bikesgonewild said...

...bsnyc/rtms/wcrm sez "And these weren't pre-worn, funky, unlaundered socks from strangers like I usually receive, either."...

...i wish you'd let the incident go...it was an accident & as an apology, i sent you a double order of fresh california sushi...

...for which, btw, i never got a reply or a simple thank you note out of consideration...

...just sayin'...

Jaques Strappe said...

'The Menstral Cup'?

Isn't that awarded to the NHL player who is the Biggest Pu$$y?

I believe the all time record record is held by Bobby Orr who won it 10 years running.

Grapes said...

What? Bobby was the best! You Frenchies don't know nothin'

Don Cherry said...

All you kids out there don't realize what a great player Dougie Gilmour was.

You're too hung up on your Bobby Orr love.

HCKY NITE

bikesgonewild said...

...jaques strappe...i google translated that name & it said & i quote - "bwahahahaha - what a douche"...

...so i tend not to take his ignorance regarding canadian hockey players too personally...

...bobby orr = great...
...dougie gilmour = different kinda player but also great...

...just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

Anon 12:27-

Yes.

You lose 1 Fred Card.

LK said...

Hey!? Where did Bruce Weber go?

bikesgonewild said...

...isn't he building bbq bikes ???...

PETA said...

I'ma fuckin kill ya for menstrual cupping the monkey. Don't spank him either.

JDH said...

LOVE HATE You don't want none o' dis hate.

Woman said...

You´re all mindless, selfish, stupid wankers

Anonymous said...

Pretty much.

Man said...

Woman,
you're beautiful.

Anonymous said...

Ah, finally a woman's voice to soften things a little in here. Been missing that.

Ayasha Kieth said...

what do you mean by a menstrual cup?, but anyway, you give us some ideas about bikes coz every time i take my bikes for a bit of trip, i always end going home carrying my bikes..

-------------------------
Fender Flares | Bushwacker | Bestops| Discount-autocar-parts | 4wheelonline | All about car

Nebraska bike commuter (non-DWI edition) said...

More bike roller juggling or I'MA FUCKING KILL YA!

mindless said...

Woman,
I think you're beautiful.

afraid to say now said...

like whoa dude, my other postering got axed?

or i forgot to push all them right buttons? again?

had something to do with thursday being wednesday somewhere.

Wanker said...

woman, is so sexy.

heathert said...

One can never be too careful when accessing one's analog mailing box. I've had a giant spider in mine for the last two days. And whoever sent it forgot the postage!

leroy said...

Free socks in the mail?

Well color me jealous.

All I get are pearls cast before me.

ce said...

All this alienation of women, puts me in the mood to buy an AHTBM jersey.

Anonymous said...

I finally got to see vino the helper monkey. And i'm not bed-less any longer woohoo!

Katie Radhose said...

Made me envious :)

bikesgonewild said...

...woman...stop pretending the internet gives you any kind of a voice & go make me a fucking sandwich...& hurry the fuck up...

...see...you forgot insensitive, crude & loutish...

...& make sure my goddam beer is cold this time...how many times do i have to tell you ???...

mikeweb said...

I ordered the CI socks and also a jersey on Wednesday. Can't wait for them.

selfish said...

Woman,
I can't get enough

of your love.

samh said...

Snob, that was really nice of you to give that woman your tire. Good on ya'!

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Fixie Bikes said...

Really? Cycling socks? Really?

Jacque Aguilar said...

'The Menstral Cup'? Isn't that awarded to the NHL player who is the Biggest Pu$$y? I believe the all time record record is held by Bobby Orr who won it 10 years running.

hemcoined said...

wow i will surely buy these kind of cloths , these are very nice for cycling.
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hemcoined said...

The occupants of said property was made up of a man and his wife and two teenage daughters.
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