Monday, August 23, 2010

Flashbacks: Sartorialism and Psychedelia

Like a pet owner wrapping Rex's heartworm pill in a piece of salami, or a hippie trying to "turn on" some "square" by baking some Wednesday Weed into his brownie, the Forces of Smugness continue to attempt to trick people into riding their bicycles to work. Generally, these ploys follow a seasonal pattern. First, they prey upon a populace still suffering from the residual effects of Seasonal Affective Disorder by designating May as "Bike Month" and some week in May as "Bike To Work Week." This gets new people on their bicycles for anywhere from a day to a few weeks, and they generally stop riding again when it gets too hot or they have their first brush with death, whichever comes first. The Forces of Smugness then lie in wait for the rest of the summer, lulling the populace into a false sense of security until they pounce once more in September by issuing some kind of "challenge:"


They also pair this with imagery of sport jackets, flowing scarves, and riding through fallen leaves, so that people think riding to work in the fall is like traipsing across some prep school campus in New England and not the smog-sucking, death-defying, sleet-soaked slog that it really is. Consider this blog post, forwarded to me by a reader, which promises that, "no, you do not need to change your clothes to ride to work," and then presents as an example this image from that insufferably foppish "Sartorialist" blog:

No, you don't need to change your clothes to ride to work--unless you're this guy, in which case you really should. As Paul Newman's stunt double uncomfortably straddles his midlife crisis-inspired "fixie" conversion, his sleeves ride up to the crooks of his arms and his pant cuffs hover at about mid-calf. One can only imagine the strain on the crotchal seam of his trousers, which is almost certainly about to burst. As he casts his eyes pensively eastward, hoping to be noticed, he claws at the bars awkwardly like some morbid hunchback playing Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D Minor in some forgotten church basement. And whither socks? Banished, it would seem, in favor of blisters and swampfoot.

If he refuses to change his clothes in the name of sartorialism, he should at least consider changing his bicycle. Perhaps he should try one of those hefty Dutch numbers so popular with his ilk--or, if he wants something he can actually hoist now and again without incurring a hernia, he might try an Electra Ticino, for the one I have been testing has been quite dandy. (And by "dandy" I mean that it is befitting of one who pursues "the appearance of nonchalance in cult of Self.")

Meanwhile, the reality of urban cycling is considerably less refined. Consider this scene I passed while cycling through Midtown Manhattan at the end of last week:

Please forgive the jaunty tilt of this image--I was, as always, hunched over my aero bars in full-on "TT" mode (I commute on a Cervelo P3 "fixie" conversion) and this was simply the angle at which my head was oriented. In any case, you'll notice that, in addition to the somewhat Ditka-esque gentleman riding his mountain bike on the sidewalk, there is also a pedestrian in the background using stilts and wearing a "banana hammock" in a patriotic "colorway:"

For a moment I thought I might be laboring under one of those LSD "flashbacks" they always told us about in school. ("Back in the day," they used to try to scare you away from psychedelics by assuring you that, if you tried them as a teenager even once, 20 years later you'd be driving your Volvo with your wife, 2.5 children, and Golden Retriever on the way to your weekend house, at which point you'd suddenly be stricken with a "flashback" in which you hallucinate a giant lizard fighting with a giant raccoon in the middle of the highway. Swerving to avoid them, you'd then send yourself and your entire family plummeting into a ravine.) Ultimately, however, I ruled this out, since when I kicked out the stilts from beneath the guy in the bikini he came crashing down in a heap instead of exploding in a hail of petunias and candy corns like my hallucinations usually do.

Still, I am always waiting for that potentially fatal fixed-gear freestyle "edit" of the mind to "drop," and if the possibility of seeing lizards fighting raccoons, or nearly-naked men on stilts, or Mike Ditka is not enough to dissuade you from cycling under the influence of hallucinogens, then perhaps this cautionary tale from an LSD-addicted messenger which was forwarded to me by another reader is. Consider the following excerpt:

(This screenshot is legible if you're on acid.)

To describe the experience of putting my life in the hands of the San Fransisco Traffic God's while the sky melds together in an amalgous orgasm of blue and magenta and while cars leave such profoundly solid tracers behind them that I can't tell whether they're limousines or not is, essentially, impossible. The experience is just fucking ludicrous. I've been bombing hills at 35 miles an hour before only to have taxi cars open their doors in front of me with only ten feet to brake. I've been within inches of been piledrived by several ton cars in direct oncoming traffic. On one occasion, the quick release on my primary brakes snapped while I hauled ass down one of the steepest streets in the city (which is really saying something, if you've ever been to San Fransisco before), forcing me to simultaneously wedge my foot between my front wheel and my front forks to slow myself down while navigating my bike through two massive four way intersections. I was a half second away from getting anally raped between a bright silver Hummer and a half lime-green/half hot-pink sedan. I suspect that this was not the actual colour of the vehicle.

While the idea of a lysergic acid diethylamide-addled messenger plying the streets of San Francisco is disconcerting, I was impressed that he apparently had the wherewithal to install some sort of auxiliary braking system, since he refers to his "primary brakes" malfunctioning. Unfortunately, he doesn't explain what this auxiliary braking system is, so it could be his fixed-gear drivetrain, or a coaster brake, or a parachute in his Chrome messenger bag, or perhaps even some kind of braking system of the mind in which a phalanx of Care Bears descend from the heavens and wrangle him to a stop with a rainbow of friendship. In any case, it's more than the typical Nü-Fred is using, and our hero would like us to know that he's got things under control:

I've since gotten used to getting my shit together on acid. To be honest, though, it's pretty effectively kept me from ever being able to relax on psychedelics, even if I'm not on my bike. When trip-cycling, I have to devote every ounce of my mental capacity to keep my mind on the road and my reflexes. It's a combination of letting my mind trust myself so completely that I don't have to think about hitting that brake fast enough to avoid that taxi door or turning my wheel just enough that I neither plow into that pedestrian OR get clotheslined by that pole, and forcing my mind to be on the edge constantly.

So in other words, it's taken him gallons of psychedelics to learn that he needs to pay attention while riding his bike. In many ways, this is the very essence of the drug experience: wasting years of your life on a mythic journey in pursuit of the sorts of revelations that are, for everyone else in the world, simply common sense. It's like going through the trouble and pretense of becoming a minimalist in order to figure out that, yes, you don't really need that second fondue pot.

But at least he seems to have things in perspective:

Then, I have to live with the ramifications of dosing large amounts of psychedelics up to five times a week for multiples years on end. I'll be just like one of those burned out hippies on Haight and Ashbury that can't finish a sentence, mumbling to themselves about UFO's and how cheap weed used to be.

Or, in other words, he's going to be the next Dogpaw:



You could certainly do a lot worse for yourself. Anyway, I'd rather share the streets with thousand Dogpaws (Dogspaw?) than with one salmoning tourist:


At least, I'm assuming he's a tourist, since he was riding one of those "Bike and Roll" bikes:


As the Book of Fred predicted, "And you shall know them by their handlebar bags, and they will salmon towards you wearing expressions of cluelessness and sandals of nylon:"

I like tourists, and while cycling I do my best to treat them with respect--even when they study maps while standing in crosswalks or ask me for directions to streets on which they're currently standing. (I'm referring of course to the short-term tourists and not the ones who stay here for two or three years, are called "hipsters," and occupy that giant extended stay theme hotel known as "Williamsburg." They're similarly clueless, but instead of asking for directions they use their iPhones.) However, coming here and salmoning is very disrespectful--it's like visiting the Wailing Wall and having a pig roast, or like visiting Portland and showering daily. One wonders if they behave as poorly back home in Salt Lake City--where, as it happens, yet another reader spotted this Ford GT in the Gulf Racing "colorway" complete with trunk-mounted triple-chainring Trek:

Clearly he is the World's Fastest Fred.

118 comments:

Anonymous said...

first? FTW

samh said...

Wow, an early post today.

A. Contador said...

NOOO

Anonymous said...

top 10

Anonymous said...

wowo! fourth place and i even read the whole thang. must be august ....

Anonymous said...

blogular

hillbilly said...

coffee, need coffee. so early....good one.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

g said...

Brunch with the Snob! Top 10.

mikeweb said...

I got Renshawed yet again

mikeweb said...

Yes, this morning's ride into Manhattan definitely qualified as a 'slog'.

Where did the word 'slog' come from? 'Slow go'? 'Shit log'? I need answers...

rudy jenkins said...

cycling in heavy traffic with a head full of acid is dangerous as hell / the most fun i've ever had.

A. Contador said...

Why the hate on people with Triple's?

streepo said...

Because we suck, that's why all the hate.

Anonymous said...

Why the 'triple' hate indeed. I use it! Well, mostly when I am tripping and I approach a speed bump.

Desert Rider said...

fast fred

mikeweb said...

Isn't that the Jonathan Adler team car?

Billy Reid said...

i'm confused. the triple Trek obviously has the full-crabon-fibre stem upgrade, but there are no carbon bottle cages nor are there upgraded skewers. what gives

Anonymous said...

PAUL NWMN
STUN TDBL

darren said...

Does the foppish fixie have brakes, but no levers or cables?

g said...

I am not sure how the images on the blog of commuters would convince me of anything. Two of the 3 are just sitting on bike, and the 3rd is standing next to hers. Hardly indicative of what it's like to ride to work in business attire.

Anonymous said...

Ohhh man...what a column, that was like a double rainbow, I can't believe it...a double rainbowwww...oooh

I am the meh engine said...

Biking in SF while on acid?

Does this guy think he is the only one, that he invented it, or that he perfected it?

Nature seems to Kill the stupid genes, sometimes it takes a while, but I suspect his future is short.

Don't make fun of Paul Neuman twin. we all should be so lucky when (if) we get old. I bet he gets more pussy than anybody reading this blog.

Cool The Kid said...

Old dude on the silver ?????? is channeling Chevy Chase's character from 'Community' so well it's frightening

Chicken or the egg? I don't know which came first but they're equally awkward.

wishiwasmerckx said...

The Gulf Racing Porsche 917 is sacred, and that trunk-mounted hitch is an abomination. If I ever see that guy, I guarantee you that I will kick him in the nuts.

PawnShop said...

World's Fastest Fred deserves a little credit: the bike is 9 years old, shows evidence of actually having been ridden, and certainly wasn't chosen for its fashion quotient. The Newman clone's white handlebar tape is pristine - I smell fakerjack. And no socks. Eeewww!

FOOT SWET

Tex said...

I would bet a lot of money that World's Fastest Fred doesn't give a shit what any of us dorks think of him.

Klaus Mohn said...

foddeur de peloton

Klaus Mohn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
PawnShop said...

wiwm:
It's not a 917, and I'm pretty sure you won't find a Yakima mount that works well with gull wing doors.

Save the man's nuts. For now.

leroy said...

All I got on my commute this morning was wet.

My dog claims he saw a giant Nathan's hot dog chasing a Dunkin Donut toward the entrance of the Holland Tunnel, but I think he's just messing with me.

I told him he was getting his legs shaved for a race this weekend and then had the groomer give him a poodle cut.

He hates that.

Jefe said...

Is it o.k. for racers to take a drug that is debilitating rather than enhancing? You could create a whole systems of handicaps, like in golf. Next year, Contador will be limited to psychedelics, but back-of-packers get EPO.

Some Guy on the Innernets said...

I bet ol' Mister Stink Foots expensive looking jacket will look really nice with a stripe of... well it's probably urine, down the back.

Anonymous said...

Riding the bike path across the Golden Gate Bridge, the tourists are easily identified by their "Blazing Saddles" handlebar bags.
I couldn't begin to list the dangerously stupid things I've seen people on those bikes manage to do (but will if prompted). I'm convinced that eventually one of them is going to knock someone over the 3' high safety rail into the six lanes of freeway traffic. The resultant carnage/lawsuits might element the rental problem.

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

mikeweb said...

In addition to Bike n' Roll, we have Blazing Saddles here too. I must say, a good portion of them actually know how to handle a bicycle, more so than a lot of the jackalopes that pour over the Williamsburg bridge every day.

Anonymous said...

i know the purpose of this blog is not to dispense of helpful urban biking advice, but does anyone have any good tips to keep parts of your bikes (brakes for instance) from being stripped off in broad daylight? i seem to recall a post about putting some kind of epoxy in the bolt head to avoid this, I think in response to snobby losing his headset a few months back. many thanks. signed, tired of having my bike scavenged.

3G said...

seriously...you trip your face off on a bunch of LSD and ride your bike amongst cars in San Francisco...what happened to "No child left behind"!?!?!

Tj Eckleburg said...

At first glimpse I thought it was Alan Alda, but turned out to be Paul Newman Stunt Double, without the salad dressing.

mikeweb said...

anon 2:14,

I think I've heard (and thought of) using that hot glue stick stuff. Of course, if someone really wants your brakes, they'll just use a lighter and melt it out...

wishiwasmerckx said...

Pawnshop, I do not wish to engage in a flame war, but it obviously is not a 917, seeing as where Snob correctly identified it as a Ford GT.

That having been said, the color scheme it wears forever and in perpetuity belongs to the Gulf Racing Porsche 917, a poster of which adorned the bedroom of my childhood home, and which is still one of the coolest cars ever designed.

It is not usurping the color scheme to another make and model which chaps my ass. It's not the "meh" Trek which chaps my ass. Its the ruination of the lines of the car and the legendary paint job with the plant-on bike carrier which chaps my ass.

If this dickweed has enough money for a Ford GT, and has enough money for a total custom paint job, then he has enough money for another car to carry his middle-of -the-road Trek bicycle.

Chris said...

Why are those BCC people all showing peace signs?

Anonymous said...

Correction: Ford GT replica

Quicksquirt McHurt said...

I'd hit it.

mark said...

The September bike challenge in Portland sucks!

Luckily by October/November all those fair weatherers are back on the couch where they belong.............

Anonymous said...

1:54,

I could see that happening. I always wonder what the heck is in those bags, Wed WEED?

Some Guy on the Innernets said...

Of course there was no Gulf Racing before the 917...

Cripes. It's an accurate replica. Somebody actually drives it and even takes a bike along. Get over it.

Miss Muff said...

That car is typically driven by men who like to get handjobs from women they don't know very well.

PawnShop said...

wiwm:
No flames intended. At first glance, I mistook it for a GT40. The color scheme originated with the John Wyer team, which ran GT40s before Porsche developed the 917 and hired them. ISTR that Ford offered the color scheme as an option on the latter day GTs.

bikesgonewild said...

..."...at which point you'd suddenly be stricken with a "flashback" in which you hallucinate a giant lizard fighting with a giant raccoon in the middle of the highway."...

...hey, that's not fair...i told you that story in confidence, bsnyc/rtms & i'm not so sure it was a hallucination...

...i firmly believe there WAS a giant lizard fighting a giant raccoon...

...so, if you weren't there, well, i'm just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

Ate some mushrooms and went mountain biking some years ago (the trailhead was close to home). Sat in a field about a mile in and threw up for a while. I never did that again.

Anonymous said...

Camelback wearing triple chain ring riding!

Anonymous said...

Salmoning is out of control in Salt Lake City.

dux said...

the car is a Caroll Shelby produced GT40. Newly built
in South Africa. Shelby ia also producing new Cobras
and the Coupe. Notice the Shelby signature on the fender.

Yellow Orange White said...

Proof of global warming:
The candy corns have already dropped in many chain-store pharmacies.

itchybro said...

Schnaab: Put this in the "hatch-et-al" file...

http://www.artisanalpencilsharpening.com/

Amazing no?

Anonymous said...

I saw a Ford GT (as it was usually known then before the marketing department made use of the GT designation for ordinary cars like Mustangs) at a dealership in about '68. That car was so far out it might as well have been a space ship. It's still one of the coolest cars ever.

g-roc said...

That Trek triple looks to be about 3 inches above the ground. I hope its wheels have sufficient Diminutive Frenchman Units to withstand getting slammed into speedbumps and driveway ramps.

Anonymous said...

Wow. Thanks for introducing me to the "sartorialist" blog. I had no idea how problematic it was to wear a polo with a suit until now.

What a waste of bandwidth that is.

bikesgonewild said...

...those big 5 liter john wyer gt-40's & the later porsche 917's were very distinctive in their "gulf oil" livery...

...that's quite a bold tribute to run ford's modern day version of the gt-40 racecar in that paint scheme on the street...

...dude needs a custom built rack mount so those bontrager hoops don't get folded on a simple driveway lip...

...after that he can look into a custom bike & not just a 'trek' 'cuz "lance rides one"...

Anonymous said...

Some college friends and I frequently did psychedelics and pedaled all over central Illinois. It beat the hell out of going to class.

People are so weird said...

So I looked at that Sartorialist site and now I feel like I need a shower. Just like after I saw that "People of Wal Mart" site a while back.

hillbilly said...

miss muff - um, well, I think most might? am I alone here? I mean, not that I do, um, anymore, but I think, oh nevermind

bikesgonewild said...

...dux...is that you ???...

...2 questions...where's the link to the shelby south african version ???...& 2, didn't we do some psychedelic late night riding together back when ???...

...it's all a smoky haze in my memory...

LK said...

Mr. Ford has a Trek with a Selle Italia Trans Am saddle?

http://bit.ly/dg28cf

mikeweb said...

Sartorialist vs. People of Wal-mart.

Just thinking about that dichotomy made me smile. I'd bet dollars to donuts that the creator of the former got the idea by looking at the latter. After all, satire is the thinking man's (and woman's) mockery.

Anonymous said...

is the Apocalypse upon us?

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/american-apparel-faces-bankruptcy-as-store-chain-unravels-2058835.html

Anonymous said...

"Earlier this month, Mr Charney declared the hipster trend, which powered his expansion, "over". He now wants to cater to older customers, who might prefer chinos to neon bike shorts."

bikesgonewild said...

...mikeweb...

...excuse me, sir but there is nothing funny about 'people of walmart'...

...that's simply like an on-line 'national geographic' depiction of "americana"...

...our brothers n' sisters, in all their glory...

PawnShop said...

Weed was not cheap in 1992. It was cheap five years before you start buying it, so, I guess that would be 1971. I'll go clean my dentures now...

(_8(|) said...

Mmmmmmmmm....

Donuts...................

bikesgonewild said...

...btw, miss muff @ 2:49pm...you sound like you might know more than some of us about that type of thing...

...seasoned vet or experienced pro ???...

...& here i would have thought guys who run fancy cars like that would look to & could afford to have their motors 'blown' rather than simply 'worked on' by "women they don't know very well"...

...the 'high end' in that trade are real technicians...

Disgruntl Ed. said...

My hold of "Bike Snob" finally came in at the public library. It was in pristine condition, other than the library stickers on it.

So I have these questions:

1: Where do I write "Disgruntl Ed. 1st! I even read it!" in this book?
2: How many of the four Bike Snob stickers at the back are now mine?
3: Why would you lower a seat that is already too low and raise a seat that is already too high?

Fine book, Snob. Bravo.

Disgruntl Ed. said...

I meant saddle, of course.

mikeweb said...

bgw,

I gotta say that a small part of me identifies with the people in both sites.

In all their glory.

bikesgonewild said...

...mikeweb...

...they do say "it takes all kinds", huh ???...

...whoever "they" is...

wishiwasmerckx said...

Dux, I went back for another look, but, alas, it hurt my eyeballs, and I was forced to turn away.

BTW, those Shelby Cobras are manufactured at the industrial park adjacent to the Las Vegas Motor Speedway. If you are a true enthusiast, and you can peel yourself away from the strip club and the craps table for a couple of hours, it might be a worthwhile pilgrimage on your next Vegas debauchery trip.

Anonymous said...

why the hate on the sartorialist? that blog is awesome - he doesn't even write any commentary, just pics of people looking beautiful. you have to admit, that guy with the suit looks great on that bike. i love that look, and that comes from me who is wear a cycling bib 95% of the time while on a bike.

graciela. said...

I actually like The Sartorialist blog but yeah, riding a bike to work wearing a wool suit, heels, or any other kind of business professional clothes just seems like a bad idea if you are going far. I guess it could work if you're going around the block or if you have no sweat glands.

Anonymous said...

Handjob? Maybe on the Trek, but not in the GT40

TREK HAND
GT40 BLOW

Pritty Boy said...

Pretty much everyone on the Sartorialist blog is...

posing.

Stranded said...

Oh, Snob, do you mean I'm not supposed to be wearing my belted cardigan (just like the one featured on Sartorialist) while cycling (and is that different than riding my bike?) to work in Kentucky in August? So disappointing . . . that does it--I'm selling my fixie!

euro dude said...

i just checked that bike rental service´s website...

50$/day !!???? hello???

Do people really pay those prices?
I can´t freakin´ believe it... Unless, the bikes come with weed in the saddle bag.

Ian Symonds said...

So, of the pictures from Satorialist, you chose THAT one?

Dude, did you scroll down?

I am a confused plastic engine said...

So is that a Ford GT or a Kit car?
I could not find a roof rack in my Yakima catalog for either. I guess I need to put on a trailer hitch then,.

Anonymous said...

Hey guys, have you heard of this water bottle before, Clean Bottle? It unscrews at both ends so you can clean it out. I'm thinkiong about getting one because I have lots of problems cleaning out my bottles. I think if you go to www.cleanbottle.com they have a but 3 get 1 free deal. I saw the guy running around in costume at the Tour and it was hilarious http://www.versus.com/cycling/videos/david-mayer-on-clean-bottle-with-robbie-ventura---stage-18/ Any one use them?

Some Guy on the Innernets said...

I like the Chinese spam better.

Anonymous said...

what tipped you off? the 'hey guys'? hey guys who wants to have a sidebar meeting about water bottles?

bobscott said...

Liquid Acid on a Sweet tart while mt. biking the continental divide.. oh those were the days. Buuurrp. excuse me.

Anonymous said...

ACID BIKE
ANAL RAPE
BLOG SPAM
JPSA RTRE

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 8:59pm sez ". I'm thinkiong about getting one because I have lots of problems cleaning out my bottles."...

...i'll bet you do, dude, 'cuz cleaning out your bottles is such a thinking man's game & you just proved you can't even spell 'thinking'...

...i got a feeling if you take them up on their offer, you'll end up w/ two bottles you can't drink out of & two more that you can drink from both ends...

...& you won't know how to solve the problem...

frilly said...

Ahhh the beautiful people, the Sartorialist is just filthy with them. Lots of pretty boys.

For some reason, I don't trust the Clean Bottle. Not sure why but I always get a mental image of a big ol' rust stain from the cage to the bottom bracket.

ant1 said...

my dishwasher doesn't have a problem with regular bottles.

Anonymous said...

saw this ad in wired mag: http://twitpic.com/2h71wr/full

eek. he, along with paul newman from your post, must be the only two men who do not need to worry about rolling up their pants. man, life in a banana republic ad is so sweet.

Anonymous said...

oh come on the guy with gt-40 rides, just because he drives a fast car you choose to label him a fred with is a stupid label in the first place. You can tell the set up on the bike is a little frumpy but its good.

agent detroit said...

the guy that "designed" (copied) the modern gt, camillo pardo, is the king of the scenesters in detroit. he takes what has been done, and claims it as his own. he actually signs "his" work on the roll cage in sharpie! douche!

Tex said...

Still though, even a "fake" GT40 or a "fake" AC Cobra is badass car. I would only buy one if I were a zillionaire, but I sure wouldn't mind borrowing one for an afternoon.

Yeeee Haw!

Sean said...

FYI that is a REAL Ford GT40, complete with Utah dealer plates, a half full '09 Lotoja' bottle, and a 'Trans Am' seat.

Anonymous said...

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其實大陸抓姦並非想像中困難;
現今很多徵信社都有大陸抓姦的服務,
因為台商家庭很多,大陸包二奶更成為常態性,
於是徵信社了解許多大老婆有大陸抓姦的需求,
紛紛在大陸各省設立分公司,提供專業大陸抓姦服務,
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Anonymous said...

人家都說男人到大陸都會外遇包二奶
老婆淚眼說擔心他外遇
他了解老婆的擔心,只好用錢去彌補分離的缺憾
漸漸的,老婆的電話愈來愈少…
她說,她是怕自己太依賴
漸漸的,他知道其實是她有了外遇
於是,面對自己外遇的行為,他忽然覺得好過了些…

Anonymous said...

從來沒想過需要外遇蒐證
如果不是誤打誤撞的情形之下,我不會知道他的出軌....
鄰居因為治安問題,於是在大門口裝了攝影機,卻成了我外遇蒐證的工具。
那天我在家發現用過的保險套,我逼問他,
因為沒有事先外遇蒐證所以他打死不承認!
我想到鄰居安裝的監視器或許可以間接的外遇蒐證,調出影帶,
果真發現前兩天中午他帶女人回家!
這下他才無話可說;
沒想到沒有抓到小偷,鄰居的監視器反而成為我外遇蒐證的工具!

Anonymous said...

專業徵信公司豐富外遇調查經驗;懷疑伴侶出軌嗎?
讓專業徵信社為您進行外遇調查
心存懷疑就要去查證,趁早外遇調查可以避免問題擴大嚴重,
讓專家為您進行外遇調查讓您清楚明白對方是否出軌,
確實外遇調查報告讓對方無法狡辯!

Anonymous said...

你打死不承認你的外遇,甚至出手打我,抓姦也要在床是嗎?
真的要抓姦在床你才肯承認自己的背叛?我想要抓姦
不僅僅是為了讓你啞口無言,抓姦也是為了要讓自己出一口氣!
我想要抓姦,我想要讓你知道,外遇不是沒有代價的!

Anonymous said...

從一開始她就知道,她只是一段婚外情
然而戰勝不了寂寞,所以即使是眾人不看好的婚外情
她還是寧願有個伴,即使自己變成婚外情中的角色。
剛開始她也是溫柔體貼的善盡婚外情的角色,
然而時間過去,她愈來愈不甘心這段感情只是婚外情
她開始想要更多,開始要求更多...

Anonymous said...

如果婚姻是一場賭注,讓婚前徵信協助您漂亮獲勝!
金玉其外敗絮其中的爛蘋果讓婚前徵信為您揭發,
舌燦蓮花滿口謊言的愛情騙子讓婚前徵信為您戳破,
四處留情喜好劈腿的花花公子讓婚前徵信協助您免於受騙;
婚前徵信,美滿婚姻的重要關鍵!

Anonymous said...

通姦是否應該除罪化?一直是眾人所關注的話題。
目前僅有少數國家認為通姦是犯罪的行為,
即使在台灣通姦是犯罪的行為,然而若伴侶不提告,
那麼旁人亦無法對其通姦行為有所制裁。
通姦真的除罪化,那麼合法婚姻的權益與意義何在?

Anonymous said...

他有了外遇!淑惠想要感情挽回
但是看看鏡子的自己,十幾年的婚姻生活讓她變成一個黃臉婆;
這樣的自己,感情挽回會有勝算嗎?
想當初老公也是擊退眾多追求者才娶到淑惠的,淑惠明白自己是美麗的,
她相信只要好好打扮自己,想要感情挽回絕對會成功!
擬訂好感情挽回的計畫,淑惠先上了美容院換了個時髦的新髮型,
跟姊妹滔上百貨公司買衣服化妝品,把自己打扮的漂漂亮亮!
最後不僅順利的感情挽回,夫妻間的感情甚至比以前更好!

Anonymous said...

老公的外遇讓我傷心欲絕,甚至還逼我離婚!
不得已之下,我想到尋求徵信的協助。
徵信專員體貼的聽完我的故事之後,
詢問我所希望的解決方式;
不到一個禮拜,徵信專員就回報我相關訊息,
然後等到時機成熟,徵信專員還陪同我報警抓姦!
老公料不到我真的會抓姦,驚訝不已,
此時,我竟有種報復的快感...
還好我有尋求徵信的協助,不然傻傻的被外遇所傷還不懂反擊!

Anonymous said...

徵信協會為您解決各種徵信困擾,
徵信協會集結合優質徵信業者,以提升徵信市場為己任,
徵信協會提供法律諮詢、委託諮詢、糾紛排解等各項服務,
徵信協會監護市場、重視消費者權益,
徵信協會打擊不肖徵信業者,
任何徵信問題歡迎與我們徵信協會聯絡!

Anonymous said...

這麼久了,他過得好嗎?
這個問題在我心中多年縈繞不去,於是我找上徵信社協助我尋人。
我和他是大學同學,之後由於某些原因失去聯繫,
我把所知的資料全都給徵信社,希望徵信社能為我帶來好消息...
兩個禮拜之後,徵信社就幫我找到人了,很遺憾的是,他已經結婚了...
我不後悔找徵信社尋人,雖然難捨落寞,但是我還是很高興的知道他過的很幸福!

Anonymous said...

結婚、離婚、結婚又離婚...
陳經理喜孜孜的帶著他的新婚妻子參加公司聚餐
陳經理一直是身邊親友茶餘飯後的話題
這是他的第四任妻子
背叛似乎是總慣性
也似乎之於陳經理而言,離婚也能成為一種慣性
他總是因為外遇而離婚
一次又一次
當女人渴望名分,他就要求另外一個女人成全
他流連花叢,女人不因他的離婚紀錄而卻步
似乎卻總是認為自己能夠成為那個「特別的人」
結婚、離婚對他而言不具意義,只是一種手段
反正他總是能找到另一個傻女人

Anonymous said...

Dogpaw used handcuffs to lock his bike!

kfg said...

So does the guy think he's Jacky Merckx, or Eddy Ickx?

Anonymous said...

I used to drive my car on acid, I'm so glad I didn't see the tripping messenger I don't think that would have worked well

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