Friday, July 2, 2010

BNYSC Friday Fun Quiz!

(Note: In celebration of our nation's independence from our cruel British overlords, I will not be posting on Monday, July 5th, but will return on Tuesday, July 6th with regular updates.)

Most people would probably agree that the word "epic" is overused, not only by cyclists but by the popular culture in general. However, when it comes to cycling, one might argue that some rides do warrant the appellation. One might also argue that, once in a very long while, a ride not only warrants the title but actually transcends it, and here is the Craigslist account of one such ride:

WEST SIDE HWY BIKEPATH. “FIRE” SEEKS “ICE” FOR REMATCH: LOSER MUST DIE
Date: 2010-06-28, 4:05PM EDT

Friday May 21st, 7pm, zipping down the west side hwy bike path I started to notice some persistent ticking noises. Moments later I heard breathing noises that seemed awfully close, I instinctively turned my head and found you practically riding my ass. I eased my pace to let you pass, but when you didn’t I cranked it up a little to try and leave you in the dust. To my surprise you came flying by me like the wicked witch of the west on your black and silver speedmachine.

As you passed me, our eyes locked in slow motion and IT (the most epic bike race of all time) WAS ON. I noticed we were bizarre-o world cyclists, you on your black and silver bike and white t-shirt and me on my white and gold bike and black t-shirt. We raced faster than a unicorn on rollerblades that was grinding on a lighting bolt, and as I passed you for the last time we said our first and ONLY words, I said “Opposite bikes” and you fired back in an intense and raspy voice; “FIRE AND ICE”.

When I told my sister about our silent bromance she wanted to know which one of us was Fire and which was Ice. I speculate that I am fire because my bike is white hot and your bike is Black Ice. Either way we must face each other ONE LAST TIME for a rematch in which only one of us will make it out alive.

IMPORTANT NOTE: THERE IS NOTHING GAY ABOUT THIS CHALLENGE!!! I AM HETEROSEXUAL.


It was in search of such an "epic" that I headed into Manhattan yesterday evening, though clearly I was traveling in the wrong direction, for the throngs of commuters returning to Brooklyn on the Manhattan bridge seemed to be embroiled in contests no less intense than the one recounted above:

So while I failed to find "epic" combat in which the loser must die, I did at least find "epic" verisimilitude, for I visited the opening reception for the so-called Rapha Cycle Club, largely in hopes of obtaining free cheese:

You know you're at a Rapha "jam" when this is what's parked out front:

If I wasn't already intimidated by the sight of a $60,000 car with a $6,000 bumper, I certainly was when I saw fixed-gear freestyle impresario and streetwear enthusiasts Prolly's "whip" locked up to a Dumpster:

Incidentally, Prolly took far better pictures of the evening then I ever could, and even managed to get a shot of some douchebag nervously nibbling on a piece of celery like an agitated guinea pig.

Inside, the walls were lined with photos that explore the fascinating grey area between "epic" and "boring:"


There was also a case full of "Merckx porn:"


As well as an entire truck:


Having taken all of this in, I began my hunt for cheese, and found legions of schnorrers like myself loitering around platters of complimentary meat:


Speaking of schnorring, if you don't have cable and dislike watching bicycle races on a computer monitor, or you're the kind of person who, like the King of Park Slope, uses the phrase "I don't own a TV" as a pick-up line, you can watch the Tour de France at the Rapha Cycle Club (or as I call it, the Raph-tastic Hut of Pretension):

This is a rare opportunity to allow some people's unquenchable lust for expensive bib shorts to underwrite your entertainment, and as far as I'm concerned, everybody wins. (Except for Cadel Evans, because, let's be honest, he doesn't have a chance.) By the way, the cheese was delicious, its flavor undoubtedly enhanced by the fact that I used the Eddy Merckx collectible plate and ate it off the Cannibal's face.

On the way home, I used the Prospect Park West bike lane I wrote about in yesterday's post, where a Transportation Alternatives representative handed me this flyer:

He also gave me this booklet, which I was really excited about until I looked more closely and realized it said "Biking Rules" and not "Viking Rules:"

To my chagrin, it turns out I can no longer use both my earphones when I use my portable tape player:


Guess it's time to upgrade to the Discman.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a pre-holiday quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you won't see Tour de France Breakin', and you're wrong you will see Tour de France Breakin'.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and enjoy the holiday weekend.

--BSNYC/RTMS







1) Alberto Contador's famous victory salute is known as the:



2) In the spirit of Snoop Dogg's video good luck message to Lance Armstrong, aging rock band Steely Dan has released a "fight song" for Christian Vande Velde.





3) Why is this cyclist a "rebel?"

--He wears expensive eyewear



(The Great Depression: the OG TET)

4) ITTET, more cyclists seem to be supplementing their income by:

--Delivering food
--Working as part-time couriers
--Driving pedicabs
--Robbing banks






5) One day, "hipsters" will tire of appropriating the Black Flag logo.

--True
--False




6) Where can you get this "vintage bicycle rust?"

--Williamsburg, Brooklyn
--Williamsburg, Brooklyn
--Raleigh, NC
--Williamsburg, Brooklyn




***Special Fakerjack-Themed Bonus Question***



According a recent New York Times article, it seems that "fakerjack culture" is going strong.


100 comments:

Anonymous said...

FIRST SUCKAS!

Anonymous said...

Podium position?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Another podium?

shoegazer said...

rapha!

Anonymous said...

top 5!

Marc said...

ahhhh, so close!

Anonymous said...

Top Ten!

Matthew said...

Top Ten. Soap and Bubbles on a Bottechhia!

Whew said...

What a game!

Randoboy said...

A unicorn on rollerblades?! It don't get much more gay than that.

Anonymous said...

LOSR DIES

Tap said...

up in dat hizzay

wishiwasmerckx said...

Merckx porn is the best porn. It is second only to the NSFW upskirts of girls on bikes.

Anonymous said...

The Tour is going to be such a let down after the Cup especially after watching it here.

Anonymous said...

I followed the Black Flag polo logo link. On the page my eye was drawn to this -
http://urbanvelo.org/images_public/rideafuckingbike.jpg
- which I immediately misread as 'Ride a folding bike.' Sigh.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I am conflicted about tomorrow morning. Germany v. Argentina World Cup match, TdF prologue, and special 4th of July local group ride all going on at the same time. Can't do all three.

Whatta do...whatta do?

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Astroluc said...

UNFRST

Tex said...

Anon 1:19

Axes will be found in dumpsters in NYC in six months or so. There and on Craigslist for $300.

Jefe said...

I get my bike rust wholesale.

ant1 said...

CITR OEN!

CommieCanuck said...

He's a fakerjack and he's ok,
he sleeps all night and he works all day,
I cut down trees, I wear suspenders and a bra,
I wish I'd been a girlie, just like my dear Papa


"I am conflicted about tomorrow morning. Germany v. Argentina World Cup match, TdF prologue, and special 4th of July local group ride all going on at the same time. Can't do all three."

Oh, sure you can. Just get your domestique to carry a 42" or smaller flat screen TV on his back, with picture-in-picture, and watch both channels while doing your ride.
How will America recover from this recession without out-of-the-box thinking like this?

ringcycles said...

When one describes their first encounter as "faster than a unicorn on rollerblades that was grinding on a lighting bolt" and then declares that there is "nothing gay about this challenge", it is really as homo-erotic as nude mano e' mano olive oil wrestling. Not that there is anything wrong with that..

shoegazer said...

a raleigh rusts in raleigh.
figures.

Name said...

Missed podium and breakaway group time but ACED the quizz!! Tons of points for the Maillot Douche race!

Yess!!!

CommieCanuck said...

That ad needs more info. Is it Columbus rust? Because I'd pay $100 for Columbus SL rust.

Marc said...

Aced the quiz, decent finish (who was that guy that won today? Didn’t catch his name…), holiday weekend, Wimbledon wraps, World Cup continues, Tour de France kicks off. Rain won’t end so lot’s of time for TV. Nice reference to ‘Northern Exposure’ in the schnorrer wiki entry. I loved that show when it was on. Curious to see how it stands up over time. Son wants to do a knife throwing class for his birthday. What will that make us? Faker-Bowies or Faker-ninjas?

Nice job wishiwasmerkx. I ring my mandatory bell (or other audible signal (does a voice count)) in your honor.

Cadel Evans set the tone for this year’s race season with his slappity-slap antics. Expect to see plenty more of that in the next three weeks.

BTW, I think someone left that Kraftwerk tape in the car too long.

Anonymous said...

That axe article boggles the mind.

Anonymous said...

AYFHCD
(all ye fakerjacks, happy canada day)

ringcycles said...

How much need for felling trees or splitting firewood could there be in 21st century Manhattan? I have an axe I could sell you.

Anonymous said...

Snob -- it came to me in a dream! And, I give my neologism (that's pretentious for gism) to you:

permanoob

Use it well.

Jefe said...

BSNYC, is this that "chopping wood" fetish you alluded to before?

I am the very angry engine. said...

Thanks commie, couldn't I just listen on one on my radio diskman in one ear, and my radio tapeman on the other ear. I don't have any of that fancy flat screen tv stuff. Canada saving the economy one bike at a time.

Oh yea, fuck you Rainn.

ronnie raygun said...

I went out to New York City several years ago in July to see a friend. While I was there her friends kept asking me what I was going to do while I was "in New York"? I told them I was going to find a place that was showing the Tour de France and watch it. Thank Gollum I found a cafe and not a Rapha shop.

Stupid Name said...

Last year I was in a crazy expensive bike shop in Colorado springs, they had a huge projection TV, in a back room, with bikes on rollers for those that wanted to live the "triplets of belleville" fantasy. Very surreal.

Anonymous said...

PACK FILL

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92vV3QGagck

resopmok said...

When his axes became so freakily popular:

"This was both irritating and pleasing to Mr. Buchanan-Smith, who says that he constantly worries that he’ll be perceived as “just some design hipster kicking it old-school selling some chic tools to a handful of other hipsters.”"

Least he still has his scruples, even if lacking conscience.

g said...

I really expected a little Korean guy to come walking out of the liquor store in the video and say, "I hire you to sweep sidewalk, not dace around like showgirl! Back to work!"

Alas, it didn't happen and the tone for my weekend is set.

Be safe all. If you're American(by-God), be sure to blow something up in honor of the vanquishing(-ment?-ism?) of our collective previous enemies. If you're not American, who cares what you do.

grog said...

Snob, I challenge you to a free cheese consumption contest. Loser must die. Oh: There is nothing gay about this challenge! I have ten balls.

HAPY iDAY

gene99 said...

Snob:

What an EPIC post!

Man, when you started doing that milk toast column for Bicycling, started tweeting with Him. And then you came out (sorta). And that book. You were becoming a minor celebrity (very minor, but who’s counting?) Anyhow, let me tell you. Your nite job over here at Snobland started to suffer big time. SNARK became snark. It seemed like you were starting to dumb down to an expected larger audience. I even complained about you in Bicycle Forum. (Yeah, that was me. Sorry, bro.) But lately it seems like you got your mojo back. I’m thinking it’s maybe b/c your book is doing so shitty. (I see you’re #845 in books, behind such notable titles as, “The Official SAT Study Guide, 2nd edition,” “Transformation: The Mindset You Need. The Body You Want. The Life You Deserve,” “The Best Birthday Party: A Touch-And-Feel Book (Touch & Feel)” and “The 4-Hour Workweek, Expanded and Updated: Expanded and Updated, With Over 100 New Pages of Cutting-Edge Content)”. Thank goodness you’re back to virtual anonymity, railing to about a dozen shut-ins with bad attitudes. Well, let me tell you, the bite is back. THE BITE IS BACK. I can’t wait to feel the surgical edge when the book slides to 1,000.

Hey, has anyone read # 77, “Cook This, Not That!: Kitchen Survival Guide”?

frilly said...

Oh Snobby, I know you're married & have a kid now, but in agreement w/others, this week's posts have rekindled my love for you. Please, please go to one of the Rapha viewing parties!

g said...

“The Best Birthday Party: A Touch-And-Feel Book (Touch & Feel)”

Why do I feel dirty when I picture this book?

gene99 said...

g, admit it: you feel dirty about 98% of the time

Marc said...

G,

Because you are picturing this book:

http://www.amazon.com/Penis-Pokey-Christopher-Behrens/dp/1594741484

Daddo said...

Yeah actually that whole Fire and Ice thing IS Gay, dude

ervgopwr said...

Why is world cup like those silly teenage vampire movies:

'Cause everyone runs around for 2 hours trying to score (but never does), then after their fans have to explain why no one "gets" it.

BADA BING

In other news, racing this weekendo on the pass/fail system. Put on fresh summer white tape last night.

AMRCA FKYAH!

gene99 said...

Hey, just because someone likes a little ice on the nipples every once in a while isn't gay.

Is it?

(Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Is there?)

bikesgonewild said...

...gene99...so yer sayin' ya got an axe to grind, right ???...

...keep yer iron filings away from my bucket of quality "vintage bicycle rust", thank you very much...

bikesgonewild said...

... “FIRE” SEEKS “ICE” FOR REMATCH: LOSER MUST DIE...whoa !!!...

...although transposed to the 'west side hwy bikepath' (ya, sure), my understanding of the incident was that it happened in rotterdam(n) on a warm-up training ride between 'berto & the lance-ster...

...makes perfect sense to me...

Off White-ish said...

If it is important to note that there isn't anything gay about it, doesn't that mean that it's definitely gay?

IMPORTANT NOTE: I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING AGAINST THINGS THAT ARE DEFINITE!!! I AM VAGUE.

Anonymous said...

....an "H" van.....I like them, but they're very very slow......

hey nonny mouse

PawnShop said...

I really wanted to select 'Williamsburg, Brooklyn',
but something told me it was a trap.

DNTG OTHR

gene99 said...

bikesgonewild: it's not like i want to, but sometimes when the axe gets near the filings, a couple of drinks, a little music, magnetism...well. you know the rest of the story...

Anonymous said...

could care less if someone plagiarizes the BlacK Flag logo. Rollins fuckin' sucks. Plus, wasn't the Black Flag logo stolen from the pest control outfit? And what about Paul Components, which sort of uses the same logo, but makes really nice stuff. They get a pass in my book, or my name isn't Paul, which it is.

Keith Hearn said...

Anonymous@1:43pm:

Yeah, the axe article was, um, something. I managed to get through the first page, saw that there were two more of that drivel and gave up.

PawnShop said...

grog: I have ten balls.

That's gotta make saddle selection extra strenuous. Six is bad enough.

NOSE DOWN

bikesgonewild said...

...let me axe you this...

...do ya really think ya look good walkin' around nyc in red & black plaid w/ a pair a' suspenders ???...

...really ???...

Anonymous said...

What kind of fucked-up laws do you guys have there in NY? "A driver must exercise due care to not collide with a bicyclist...sounding horn when necessary."? So, here's what that law does: if the motorist slams into a cyclist, all he or she has to do is say, "but officer, I sounded my horn!"

Man. Transportation Alternatives needs to get that law changed.

Oh, and I like that the link name to the NYT article ends in "garden peter." Heh.

Anonymous said...

Because... Like Henry Rollins Hipster are possers

Anonymous said...

nothing has epitomized what went wrong with hi/lo culture than that stupid article on the axe guy. i am ashamed to be an american between the ages of 25-45

Nogocyclist said...

The Ralpha Cycling Club in NYC's website lists its prices in £ units.

I am assuming their prices are in British Pounds. I guess if you want to buy something you will have to go get your money exchanged before you go there. Seems to me to be a quick way to go out of business.

Anonymous said...

When you must ask yourself if what you just did was gay, than it probably was.

Fight fiaah with fiaah
Fiaah with fiaah
Fiaaah with Fiiiaaaah

Jump in the fi-ah.

Brad Russell is a Jerk said...

Here is the redneck salute to cyclist on the Natchez Trace. Click on the 42 second video on the right of the page to see.
WLBT

Cyclist could have been me. said...

Here is how you get treated on the Natchez Trace on a bicycle.
WLBT Story

Click on the 42 second video on the right.

The dumb joker put this video on YouTube using his real name for his YouTube account name. The cops have located him, but do not know who the cyclist is. Really dumb, dumb, dumb.

Anonymous said...

NoGo: Yep, sure enough, those Rapha woosies like to get "pounded".....IN THE ASS!!!

Anonymous said...

Trex ftw
http://tucson.craigslist.org/bik/1823316932.html

P & S said...

Epid Feud

Mispelling is Tarck Bikes 2.0
AYHSMMisprint

leroy said...

Is it Tour day France or Tour duh France? Hope the BSNYC Universal blog clears that up.

Ride safe all!

leroy said...

This morning I was on the West Side Highway en route to a longish ride to a lake in Rockland County. (It makes a nice change from Prospect Park to do a lap around a lake where the fauna isn't armed.)

An older gentleman in cargo shorts rolled up behind some of us and inquired whether we clowns could keep to the right.

Sadly, we couldn't. There was a pedestrian on the right and we were approaching the barriers to slow traffic behind the cafe in the 60s under the Highway.

Can't wait to see if he demands a rematch on Craigslist.

Anonymous said...

I'm 99% positive that Land Rover belongs to Sam Houser, the creator of Grand Theft Auto and head of Rockstar Games.

Sigurd said...

Rapha continues to surprise, and I still can't decide if it's in a good or bad way. It's like the Dark Side - " ... quicker, easier, more seductive". And the Craigslist challenge ... well. Gay is fine, but at least admit it. The poster has such a man-crush on his mysterious, masculine overtaker.

HOMO RACE
PERM N00B
CITY AXES
FAKE JACK

Anonymous said...

http://www.bikesnobnyc.logspot.com/

mexital said...

On the subject of Rapha, don't you love their Italian, no, er, Mexican country jersey? Attention to detail, and all that.

http://www.rapha.cc/country-jersey-10/

Anonymous said...

and again...

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704911704575326753200584006.html?mod=WSJEUROPE_hpp_LEADNewsCollection

Visegripmikey said...

Overheated and blew up

g2webhost said...

cool.
.....
Discount Wheels | Buy Laptops

Stranded said...

Bangerfing! I know all about epic rides. I did one!

Salty and Sore said...

Rapha Clubs and Fakerjacks...

aka

wooly and woody...

mmm..

bikesgonewild said...

...lance-ster to 'berto...

...it's just a prologue & it ain't shit but ummm, i'm just sayin'...

Sigurd said...

Ok, just one more on Fire and Ice guy: "turned my head and found you practically riding my ass". How's that for putting ones true wish into words? The whole ad reads like something out of "readers' letters". You know what I'm talking about.

Anonymous said...

Here is the link to followup story of the twitter post "What a Moron"

Followup Story

Anonymous said...

Sorry if this has been covered here, but I'm trying to find a good online way to watch the tour and thought someone here would know. versus sucks/doesn't work. please help.

Anonymous said...

Misser, B/S could have saved his dog, marriage, and time if he'd bought a world famous Marble brand chopping tool. Made in Michigan's upper peninsula.

Kyle A said...

http://ffffound.com/image/05268ca76ed1fc1584cb03df7acb578ca9ecb55f

Color coordinated fakerjack axes, collect all and coordinate with your favorite flannel.

Anonymous said...

Hipsters are buying axes for the revolution they are planning. Does nobody else see this?

bikesgonewild said...

...a hipster w/ an axe is still a sissy boy...

...old school here ain't sweatin'...

...just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

知道他有了外遇
面對他的低聲下氣妳冷嘲熱諷、無理取鬧
妳瘋狂似的大吵大鬧
甚至到他的公司去亂、向他的親友抱怨、向鄰居們哭訴…
妳把他的外遇鬧的人盡皆知
最後,妳把他的愧疚消耗殆盡…
最後,妳把他想要回頭的念頭打消…
最後,妳自己把他推向外遇的第三者身邊…

Anonymous said...

就像許多外遇故事一樣
男人有了外遇想要離婚,但是女人死不放手
所以他藉故發揮、所以她不甘示弱
他總是說這樣不可理喻的女人俗不可耐才讓他想要離婚
她總是說這樣背棄婚姻的男人她絕對不會離婚讓他們好過

記憶中我從沒有過快樂的童年、幸福的家庭
父親在家的時候總是爭執不斷
父親離家的時候母親總是數落不斷

我總是想,為什麼不離婚
這樣的婚姻意義何在?

母親認為離婚就是輸了
但是她不知道,自己身陷在漩渦中無法掙脫...

Anonymous said...

@ anon 2:49 pm

google "tour de france livestream" and make your choice

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

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cougcat23 said...

why does this bother me so much??

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/bicycle/detail?entry_id=67509&tsp=1

Trikes said...

How was the celery?! :)

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