Friday, June 25, 2010

BSNYC Frigedæg Blētsung Cunnian!

(My blog's value, forwarded by a reader. Time to cash in and retire to Portland.)

Recently, I heard from a reader who had ordered my book (that's "Bike Snob," and not my other book, "1,000 Delicious Sardine Recipes") from a popular online retailer. It seems he had not yet received the book, and wondered if I had perhaps somehow run afoul of this retailer. Incidentally, if you haven't figured out the retailer to whom I'm referring, it's the one whose name is also the first word in the title of a 1987 cinema classic:

I'm happy to report that this is not the case (at least as far as I know) and that the retailer and I are on good terms. In fact, what has happened is that, due to the fact that the book is a bit more popular than anticipated, both the retailer and my publisher have (as they say in book publishing) "run out of copies." This is what's called a "good problem," like being unable to fold your wallet because you have too much cash, or when attractive naked people keep falling on top of you at the beach (neither of which has ever happened to me).

Rest assured that my publisher is making more copies as I type this and that the aforementioned retailer (as well as other retailers that are out of stock, such as the one that shares a name with the last word in in the name of the organization "Doctors Without Borders") shall have more in the not-too-distant future. In the meantime, if you prefer not to wait yet enjoy purchasing books on the Internet, I understand you can get copies now from a certain bookseller that can be expressed in pictogram form thusly:






Or, you can order them from the esteemed independent Portland bookstore Powell's. Not only do they still have copies in stock, but these copies have been defaced by me since Powell's made me sign them all when I was there last Sunday:

(My book at Powell's.)

Otherwise, you can of course always simply visit your favorite local bookseller and see if they have any copies, though that might require putting on pants.

As for "1,000 Delicious Sardine Recipes," thanks to a profound lack of demand copies should be readily available anyplace books are sold, and I hear most retailers are even running a "Buy One, Get 40 Free" special.

Speaking of "sardine porn," I'm also a tremendous fan of "street sign porn." This refers to the exuberant displays of bicycular absurdity so often pole dancing on the signage of our nation's cities and towns, and I've been fortunate enough to receive some salacious examples of street sign porn from readers over the past few weeks. Just some of these include the always pleasing "capsized Vespa:"

(All You Haters Right My Vespa)

The ill-fitting "tarck" bike complete with "One Less Car" top tube pad and headtube-mounted beverage cozy:

(Sometimes, one more car is actually preferable.)

And of course the homemade locking grip:


Not only are sponge grips highly absorbent, but they are also cheap and come in a variety of "colorways."

In any case, as two days of "weekend porn" await your wildest fantasies, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see smugness gone horribly awry.

Thanks very much for reading, thanks for forwarding some of the "quiz porn" which follows, and, most importantly, ride safe this weekend.

--BSNYC/RTMS



(Tony Hayward thinks about yachting.)

1) In the wake of the BP disaster, the real tragedy may be:







2) According to a study commissioned by schmutz-filled pretzel manufacturer Combos, the least "manly" city in the United States is:









(Fungal culture)

5) At last! Bike culture meets:







6) Which high-end crabon fribé road bicycle has been plagued by a rash of broken steerers?





7) Rock Racing's Michael Ball has been implicated in a:



***Special Odd Reasoning-Themed Bonus Question***

("I sure hope someone left a bike for me.")

"Good news for the resurrected!" New York City ghost bikes can remain as long as they are:



96 comments:

Anonymous said...

First?
From Portugal

Lance landis said...

all you jealous haters suck my PEDs

Marc said...

starting the weekend with a bang!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Just missed the podium. Dang.

ronnie raygun said...

I was wearing my sandal spd's.

Anonymous said...

Top ten!

Anonymous said...

140lbs 5'8"

Anonymous said...

Just a note....

The old world sister of Amazon still has some copies....

Astroluc said...

BRKN MOPD

lol...

ringcycles said...

Top 10 and I finished the quiz! Guess I need glasses now from all the, um, viewing

Anonymous said...

awww yeah

wishiwasmerckx said...

Careful, you can get in big trouble with moped porn. You are not supposed to display the underside, where the reproductive organs are found, in a salacious manner.

ringcycles said...

And I aced the quiz! better plan to wax my palms this weekend.

abelgus said...

12 & a half!!!

Kim Jong-ill said...

The feds are after Mr. Ball only because of his striking resemblence to me!

Anonymous said...

Michael Ball is a lesbian?

hillbilly said...

so close, yet not really at all. have a good weekend yall

streepo said...

Booyah!! Perfect score!!! Though I'm still in stomach retching agony over the "protest" song.

Shu-Sin said...

to tweety!!

Anonymous said...

Finished the quiz and read the comments.

Anonymous said...

Is it true that AYHSMB is becoming a popular tramp stamp in San Francisco?

Anonymous said...

Congratulations on your book's success. As a reader and a fan, I appreciate your dedication to this blog. Its impressive you post 5 times a week, and probably 90% of the time you are pretty funny (makes the other 10% worth it/forgivable).

And thanks for signing my copy (there were plenty at the UW bookstore).

Nogocyclist said...

They are lighting the sea turtles on fire. I don't want to die (because of the oil spill.)

Wow! With all the legitimate complaints concerning the oil spill why would you make things up and grossly over exaggerate?

My area of the country will be directly affected by this spill for probably 15-20 years, maybe even more, but the only people who have died due to it were those directly involved in the accident.

Protesters need to stick to the actual facts, especially when the facts are as bad as they are in this case. Not doing so, makes it easy to reject what they have to say without really considering the real problems.

Anonymous said...

I'll give you $117.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

wishiwasmerckx said...

I have $117... who will give me 117 and a half...I have $117 now...who will give me $117 and a half...$117 going once...

stiveaux said...

Congratulations on selling out the first print run, but what do we do if every cyclist reads your book and becomes a snob? Who do we hate on?

left-handed compliment said...

"probably 90% of the time you are pretty funny"

well said, 1:01pm. just like 90% of the time you're not a penis.

Nogocyclist said...

No auctioning off BSNYC!

We all know it's true value if sold would be $0.00.

If Snob did not write it, who would read it?

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

Anonymous said...

Hey, stop the auction! Snob's integrity is not for sale!

Oh, wait...nevermind...I forgot about yesterday's post.

Nogocyclist said...

Slappity Slapdown Hill Ride.

When I was a teenager, I was given the chore of making the runs to the dump. I would load the truck full of yard debris, and then my dad would declare it not full enough. Open the tailgate and have limbs hanging out the back, add sideboards, stomp it down, and then rope it all down and hope it does not fly out going down the road.

I say all that to explain my experience with a load too heavy in the back causing the front wheels not to contact the road. When this happens all you have to do is apply the brake slightly, bringing the front tires down. When it makes contact steer. Repeat.

We must ask, was the cargo bike rider a hipster who normally rode a brakeless bike? Is that why he failed to apply the brake, which would have allowed him to regain his ability to steer?

On a different note. Unibrow Sunglasses, or Cyclops Eyewear?

Anonymous said...

AYHSMT

All you haters stamp my tramp

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:35pm,

Buy one integrity, get one free!

--RTMS

mikeweb said...

2 wrong.

so wrong...

hubbub01 said...

I have a fresh copy of "the Book" -and will part with it for the right price... which of course, no one can afford. Therefore, I take back my offer.

Diane - The Radio Hostess

db said...

Yeah, leave it to Hitchins to ride in on your coattails. He's such a bitch.

I think we all prefer sardines to salmon.

I'm not convinced my biek is sponge-worthy...

xyxax said...

We here at the occasionally-popular but always-smug organization whose name rhymes with "Proctors with gout disorders" intended said name to protest the global lack of an equally smug chain book store.

And we never wear pants.

Jonathan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
gs said...

==the one that shares a name with the last word in in the name of the organization "Doctors Without Borders"==

There's a bookstore named Frontieres?

leroy said...

Don't think of it as $127 for your blog.

Think of it as 12,700 pennies for your thoughts.

That's all I got. I can't top db's comment today.

Ride safe all!

CommieCanuck said...

Mike Ball investigated for doping? Whoda thought that hiring every ex-doper in cycling would lead to that?

ROCK DPER

smugseattle said...

Man, I sucked at the quiz today. I missed 2, then started cheating.

Hey, at least I got the "woosiest" city question correct. Take that, Seattle Junior!

Leah said...

First?

ringcycles said...

I keep looking at the Pinarello in the street sign porn bondage pic; I can almost hear it whimpering in humiliation to take the beer cozy gag off its head tube. You are into some pretty twisted sign/bike porn their BSNYC.

Anonymous said...

AYHIMB

All you haters implicate Michael Ball

Salty and Sore said...

Got 50% right!

Must have been all that pre-quiz porn. Never underestimate proper lube on the quiz-taking engine for a better than typical performance.

Congrats on becoming a (good kind of) sellout Snobbie!

I am the engine, said...

I bet they have these in the really woosy cities. Makes shuffling manly.

http://www.runbike.com/

This the woosiest thing, makes recumbant riders seem like they have 4" diameter brass balls.

bikesgonewild said...

...outsource, bikesahibnyc...outsource...

...don't think of your site being worth a paltry $127.00...in mumbai this is worth 5903.72 indian rupees...

...you own the "rights", have 8 to 10 kids from the 'bombay bicycle club', all w/ the integrity of 'gunga din' writing hilariously ironic columns for you & you're freed up for family bike outings w/ mommysnob & the newly minted bikesnobulette...

...just sayin', bikesahibnyc, just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

Hurray for sardines!
Also from Portugal, land of the epic sardine. And my delicious sardine is all yours, if you don't mind the fishy smell.

Salty and Sore said...

Time out-

Okay, so I'm not one with a card-carrying right to call anyone out on misspellings, but this one is starting to bug me.

The term "wussy" was orignally coined in the film, "Fast Times at Ridgemont High", as--

--wussy: when something's both weak, and a pussy, it's wussy.

Given the various uses of the term 'pussy' it's possible that one of them is more properly spelled, "poosie", but somehow I doubt it.

I just can't wait to hear the next Massengill commercial, "Doctor? I think there's something wrong with my poosie!"

Steve said...

If you're an asshole, you get to shit all over dicks and pussies.

cyclotourist said...

Something is wrong with "The ill-fitting "tarck" bike" (TIFTB). The fork looks flipped the wrong way.

FLIP FORK

Rivendell looks like it has some books in stock still. Heard the G-man got to say hi to RTMS in the Bay Area BRA.

Gary said...

Monsieur Snob, in the photo, Ball is actually about to indulge in a ménage à cinq, unless he intends to vote one of the ladies out of the bedroom.

As Woody Allen once observed, sex between two people is a beautiful thing... between five, it's fantastic!

Thanks for the AYHSMB signed book

Anonymous said...

As a diehard Portlandite (female), I couldn't agree more re: manliness rating. Although I mainly blame the preteen-girl-jeans-on-grown-men hipster hidiocracy. I will speak on behalf of portland when I say we will gladly be your retirement destination (sooner than later though, and you can't stop writing). You can slap some much needed sense into our hipsterrific city. Loved your book!

Anonymous said...

I came for the bike snobbing, but I stay for the hipster bashing.

I'm not really into gratuitously violent movies, with the exception of zombie movies where the zombies don't get hurt because they are already basically dead.

Likewise, I normally give people the benefit of the doubt and accept that if it works for them there is probably a good reason, the exception being hipsters who are so far up their own arses that they can't possibly be hurt. If their veneer is damaged another layer quickly regenerates (gratuitous slaying of terminator style regenerating robots in movies is also ok). So, I'm saying it is perfectly ok to take to hipsters with the chainsaw of snobbery. Bring on more gore.

ce

Anonymous said...

salty and sore, welcome. search some archived bsnyc posts to see why its spelled 'woosie' around here.

Anonymous said...

Since the almighty "Bicycling" magazine has named Portland #2 please refer to Portland as "Not-Minneapolis" or NMPLS.

Thanks.

gator joe said...

F the pisca-dex; you better check the snob-q-dex: the comment quantity has been dropping faster than my mutual fund balance; what's up wid-dat?
Reminds me of the Old Days: I was tuned in the day the comment count went over 100; you remember that? I opened a beer to celebrate.
Tell you what, I'll give you a buck twenty-five for the website, right now. Let me know.
Now then, the most incongruous thing I have ever seen is a "well known atheist" next to a "grizzly bear", next to a "bike rider" on the same bookshelf; WTF??
I feel like I'm browsing the bookshelf at the local Goodwill. Well, at least I feel at home!
Snob, I love ya, I love your new baby, and I love whatever woman agreed to bear your child. My kid is turning 21 in three weeks: good luck, Pal. It only cost me a quarter of a million bucks; hope you don't run out of ideas.
Keep up the good work. by the f-ing way, I'm gonna buy your book, just cause.

Best Regards, Gator Joe

Anonymous said...

What about Hastings?

Krys Hines said...

For those aboot to rock, we salut(e) you!

For those in the GTA who want a coffee and a copy of the Bike Snob book, we have them in stock...K

www.cafedomestique.com

Salty and Sore said...

Anon 9:45-

Thank you for stopping by. I hope you'll stay for a while.

Rest assured, there are few on this board I'll allow to give me a tongue-lashing. (And don't get me wrong; I love a good tongue-lashing.)

l should better explain. Vaginas can read, and like anyone, they like to have their names spelled properly.

You do like to keep the vajj happy, don't you?

Common Sense said...

The book is also on sale at Powell's. $11.97! Nice. Link: http://bit.ly/9BWZns

Anonymous said...

Still waiting for a local stockist / seller of your book in Australia. I emailed the contact listed on Chronicle Books' page, who directed me to someone else, who directed me to someone else... Any suggestions Mr Snob?

bikesgonewild said...

...there's a lotta 'pussy' in this world that deserves a good tongue lashing...

...but 'poosie' ???...not so much...

Doug said...

I just knew- if I kept reading I would get past the 'meh' and read another hilarious BS post.
Thanks!

livingjetlag said...

Oh, so we're allowed to talk about "1,000 Delicious Sardine Recipes" now? That was the most pure and unadulterated shark-jumping I've ever seen. Really, more like "1,000 Ways to Sell Out to the Great Kraft Food-Processing Company." Mac and Cheese and 'Dines is just phoning it in, and Marshmallow Fluff 'n' Sardine Quiche is just wrong. I can't believe you had the eyeballs to write another book after that one, and I sincerely hope my long-term-backordered copy of BS doesn't cause me the same amount of heartache and heartburn.

Fungal culture = ewwwwwww!!!!

USA USA said...

Ale Jet meet Baby Jet.

Anonymous said...

"A small but concentrated group of mid-Atlantic road racers have recently broken the carbon steerers on their 2010 Trek Madone 6-Series bikes."

Mid-Atlantic? What depth? It seems the steerer-tube failure might be related to inappropriate mounting of SCUBA equipment. Look for Trek to issue a revised version of their "Aquatic Porteur" rack, beefed up for the demands of Mid-Atlantic racing.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, SaltyandSore!

The way this younger generation has recently mangled the spelling of "wussy" has been driving me crazy.

Kids these days! (from what I gather, the new spelling started in Australia... darn upside-down kids, no wonder they can't spell. Or maybe it's all that Foster's, it makes them woozie)

Anonymous said...

P.S. My in-depth lexicographal research was done on Bike Journal, where the Ozzies have been making creative spelling variations on "wussy" for far too long. Truly a bastion of linguistic largesse run amok (live long and prosper). No Fosters were harmed during this research, and all southern hemisphere cyclists were returned to their native habitat unharmed.

Anonymous said...

How is that Jesus's tomb has a perfectly round "door" covering a perfectly rectangled opening? Did his contractor have laser guided measuring and cutting tools back in those days?

Salty and Sore said...

@BGW-

THANK YOU! I'm always proud of you, and regularly in your debt.

@Anonymous-

You're welcome!

I must correct my earlier defintion; I found the FTARH reference.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0083929/quotes?qt0348987

..it was wimp, not weak.

*Heh, heh*. I guess that makes me the resident expert on wussiness.

michael said...

bikesgonewild is missing an e

Salty and Sore said...

michaele-

Reallye? Don'te youe thinke thate youre browsere needse adjustinge?

Anonymous said...

According to a study commissioned by schmutz-filled pretzel manufacturer Combos, the "manliest" city in the United States is named for a girl (Charolette).

bikesgonewild said...

...pal...the only thing i'm missing is that "big" lottery ticket...

...mind your own p's & q's...

...btw, ...thank you, salty(e) & sore(e)...

Anonymous said...

Anon 8:49/SaltyandSore, just to add to the confusion is the slang for Woman, "Wuzza". Pronounced similarly to wussy (not like the slang for "what's up?"), it seems to be far, far less common but is sometimes heard in parts of Australia where the traditional blue singlet is still worn as all occasion attire. The word seems to be used as a friendly/derogatory reference to a girlfriend/wife or to describe a man as unmanly in a similar way as wussy is used.

Until following up SaltyandSores tip off I had assumed that Wussy was a modern derivative of Wuzza, but it seems that this is definitely not the case.

To use in one context: "When it comes to bike riding ability SaltyandSore would make me her wuzza".

ce

Anonymous said...

By the way Anon 8:49, shouldn't it be "Aussie"? Mr Osbourne might have spread some seed around the planet back in the seventies, but I wouldn't go so far as to name the country in honour of this forefather... of Metal.

ce

Anonymous said...

And one more thing, no one has drunk Fosters down here since Ozzy drunk his way out of Black Sabbath. The recent exception might be a hipster or two who did it for the irony, but deficient in grit they would have given up the idea before finishing the can, so it doesn't count.

ce

Anonymous said...

what ABOUT minneapolis?

Banger said...

Any chance you book will be available electronically soon for those of us that prefer a nonpapered paperway?

Anonymous said...

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老婆淚眼說擔心他外遇
他了解老婆的擔心,只好用錢去彌補分離的缺憾
漸漸的,老婆的電話愈來愈少…
她說,她是怕自己太依賴
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Anonymous said...

What is Bike Snob NYC's email address. I wanted to send a pic of a New Orleans fixie his direction.

thx,
Glen

Anonymous said...

男人有了外遇,但是他不想離婚
外遇情人面前,他可以享受著年輕戀愛般的美好
在回歸家庭時刻,他可以享受著老婆對他無微不至的照顧
在同事朋友面前,他可以享受著眾人對他的忌妒與羨慕
男人有了外遇,但是他不想離婚,他只想自私的擁有一切

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