Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Selling the Sizzle: Brandings Both Real and Adhesive

As I mentioned last Friday, though I did travel out of town over the weekend I did not attend the North American Handmade Bike Show in Richmond, VA (or "NAHBS"--not to be confused with the North Umbrian Bike Show, or "NUBS," or the Portland Unicycle Show, or "PUS."). Indeed, the place to which I journeyed contained virtually no bicycles, handmade or otherwise, and during my travels I only saw two bikes actually in motion: one was a department store mountain bike being piloted on the sidewalk, and the other was an orange IRO atop a car filled with luggage and headed east. I can only assume the driver was bound for some university, or else relocating to Brooklyn.

Judging from the all the pictures, blog posts, and "Tweets" though I missed one helk ("helk" lies in between "heck" and "hell" on the obscenity spectrum) of a show. However, the most exciting thing to happen in cycling over the weekend happened many miles from Richmond when, as you can see from this image via someone's Twitter, Taylor Phinney autographed the Lone Wolf's Lotus:

This is nothing less than an orgy of cycling greatness, and I would have doubted the veracity of this photo had not Phinney himself corroborated it. Phinney's signature now resides just beneath that of Lance Armstrong (at least I think that says "Lance Armstrong"--it looks like it could also say "Rast Ashbourg"), and all the Lone Wolf needs now to make this the most awesomely decorated bicycle in cycling history is to install a seat cover made from Johan Museeuw's toupee.

Speaking of seat covers and the NAHBS, it seems that one trend to emerge this year is the surface-less saddle:

This is precisely the sort of innovation that makes the NAHBS so great. While the major manufacturers tend to be derivative, custom builders are not afraid to draw inspiration from outside of cycling and to repurpose medical apparatus such as the speculum, as is the case here. Besides the obvious comfort factor, another advantage of this design is that, as the bike sits out in the sun while you enjoy your cappuccino, it absorbs heat. This means you should have a blistering burn on your posterior by the time your ride is over. Forget saddle sores--incurring an actual brand while cycling is the very definition of "epic." (For the faint of heart, I recommend riding with an oven mitt in your crotch.)

Another growing trend in cycling that was in evidence at the show is Alternative Downtube Decal Placement, or ADDP. See, "Back in the Day," decals generally resided more or less mid-downtube (though closer to the headtube) and between the water bottle mounts and the shifter bosses:


Then, around the 1990s, a few things happened in the world of professional cycling. For one thing, thanks to integrated shifters, shifter bosses began to disappear. Also, frame tubing became increasingly oversized. These changes resulted in more surface area on the bike. At the same time, the Internet was creating an insatiable desire among bike dorks for "bike porn," resulting in such photographic developments as the Obligatory Robust Bottom Bracket Shot, or "ORBS." In turn, manufacturers and sponsors began experimenting with innovative decal placement--realizing, for example, that smaller stand-alone decals would more legible in ORBSs than either traditional decals or the engraved bottom bracket shells of yesteryear:


Thanks to increased tubing area they were also able to make other breakthroughs such as wraparound decals that would be clearly legible regardless of camera angle:

More recently, style-conscious manufacturers and builders have realized that they can simply subtract the main "traditional" decal and leave only the more modern "innovative" decal, resulting in ADDP. Traditional decals are still very much in evidence at the NAHBS (they go well with lugs) but the really "cool" companies use ADDP, and the two most widely-accepted forms (both in evidence at this year's show) are the single logo down by the bottom bracket:


And the single logo way up by the headtube (employed here by Geekhouse, the American Apparel of boutique bike builders):
ADDP is by no means limited to custom builders, either--trendy bike companies such as Charge also engage in the practice:


While "traditional" decals are not going anywhere, ADDP is a quick way to make any bicycle (whether handmade or mass-produced) seem fresh and up-to-date--it's the cycling equivalent of wearing a flat-brim cap at a jaunty angle. In fact, I even experimented with the effect, since it just so happens I recently purchased a new "test-cycle" and I was eager to put it to use. (Anyone with test-cycles knows that an unused test-cycle is an unhappy one.) Incidentally, ever since "jumping the shark" it's becoming increasingly difficult to get things done around here, and even the simple act of purchasing a new test-cycle required seemingly endless amounts of paperwork and red tape. See, "Back in the Day," I used to just buy whatever I wanted, but "Right About Now" I have to formally "requisition" even the most mundane items from myself. Not only did I have to fill out a form to buy the test-cycle, but I even had to submit one to buy myself a sandwich last Thursday:
By the way, I'm still waiting for that sandwich, and I'm hungry as helk.

Anyway, to demonstrate the instant chic-ification of ADDP, I first applied a decal to the test-cycle the traditional location:

(All You Haters Regard My Test-Cycle)

Note that, despite the vibrant decal, the bicycle looks staid and boring. When removed and re-applied in the trendy Geekhouse position, however, the bike seems suddenly stylish:

I'm sure you'll agree that the effect is dramatic. The forward placement of the decal makes it seem as though the rest of the bike is trying to catch up, creating the illusion of constant motion. I should add at this point that when removing a decal from your test-cycle, be sure to do so carefully. While pulling it off quickly Band Aid-style may seem like the best approach, it can cause irreparable damage. I'd also like to point out that the NAHBS has nothing on my test-cycle:

Then, I moved it down to the bottom bracket area, which was equally boutiquey and exciting. It's like the bike is now wearing saggy pants:

My test-cycle with its cheap welds and cheap coffee reference is now a fashion-forward anti-Portland theme bike. If you're suffering from post-NAHBS bike envy, you might want to think twice before spending your money--a cheap bike and some even cheaper ADDP may be all you need.

Lastly, while I'm on the subject of pulling logos off one thing and sticking them onto other things, you may (but probably don't) recall that way back in April, at the height of the Dutch bike craze, I mentioned that clothing retailer Club Monaco was selling $1,000 Royal Dutch Gazelles:

Well, a Brooklyn distributor of Dutch bikes called "A Black Bike" is now suing Club Monaco, Inc., claiming that the clothing company used images of their bikes in order to sell Royal Dutch Gazelles:

Yes, it's a good old-fashioned Dutch bike/fashion industry slap fight.

123 comments:

streepo said...

Balls!

Jefe said...

Podium

Anonymous said...

woohooo!

Stephen said...

Top 10!

Astroluc said...

not podium

mikeweb said...

top 10?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Top ten again.

frilly said...

Woot! Woot! Welcome back Snobby!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Top ten again?

g said...

top 11 double 1's!

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Jefe said...

Everyone with a black bike should intervene in that lawsuit. There should also be treble damages if Club Monaco used any letter or symbol found in an existing decal. The law is the law.

Anonymous said...

Mountain grown!

paul sadoff said...

lug this! 14th!!!

Anonymous said...

yeah

paul sadoff said...

i even read the damn post !
time toilet?
no

Sarah P said...

It sure feels nice up here...

db said...

That bike is an awfully nice tribute to Mrs. Olsen....

That's good coffee.

Anonymous said...

"chronological dateway during which testiculation will be administered" funny

YATE said...

That cover-less seat is part of a wider movement to make mid-race bathroom breaks a thing of the past.

Pair with ass-less chaps (and robust fenders) for ultimate convenience and minimal mess.

hillbilly said...

welcome back!

heath said...

oui.

mikeweb said...

Vito's penmanship has shown quite a bit of improvement.

Improvement over what, I'm not sure.

rezado said...

Thank god this blog is typed and not hand written

Anonymous said...

That monkey's signature resembles the "can I has cheezburger" cat's.

rezado said...

CHKN SCRH

kale said...

I was hoping the testcycle was the 2010 model of the Oso Bike. So disappointed it's not dropping. Would be so innovative if it came in black AND white colourways. N E ways it looks like you're back, Snob.

Slappy said...

just not nearly enough spray paint on them dumBikes

Matt said...

That rail saddle is going to take longer to break in than my Brooks.

10,000 Aches said...

TEST CYCL

Blaiser said...

I have absolutely nothing clever, meta, snarky nor pithy to add, but still feel the urge to post.

Does that make me the Huffy of commenters? At least awareness is the first step.

MINGUStheMECHANIC said...

The pix seemed focused, Vito must now be in charge of photography.

Were you at the italian embassy this weekend trying to convince them that D.C. is a bad idea?

ringcycles said...

All you haters drool over my test cycle!

hillbilly said...

I was thinking the same thing mikeweb, not a speck of feces in sight...

grog said...

did you bring coffee decals for everybody?
WLCM HOME

leroy said...

I'm afraid I must differ with your advice and analysis, BSNYC.

An oven mitt in the crotch could deprive the rider of fully appreciating that the best part of waking up is Folgers in your protective cup.

It would depend on the placement of the mitt, not the decal.

OBA said...

Wouldn't an all-chromed saddle actually heat up less than a traditional black leather or black fabric covered saddle if left out in the sun all dayway? Or is just "hott"?

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

sufferist said...

I did a personal/private ADDP decal placement in hopes to make that area more desirable. I await the paparazzi.

sufferist said...

bike paparazzi that is, if People or OK or E magazine want a shot it's gonna cost them dearly....

ant1 said...

sufferist - "ADDP decal placement"? my ATM machine would be proud.

BadBeard said...

Hey Snobby,

Check this beauty out. http://mantasaddle.co.uk/

Revamping the saddle Edinburgh style.

BadBeard

Tomato Yoghurt said...

for the faint of taint

sufferist said...

Ant1: last night I learned that when machines finally gather together to overthrow the human race, ATMs will lead the charge. It's nothing to get totally freaked out about right now, since I don't think that they are anywhere close to sentient awareness, but it is something to keep in mind. It's only paranoia until it happens to you.

cheva said...

Does the Lone Wolf know he is?

sufferist said...

Ant1: oh wait, that was a dig wasn't it. And what if I was be duplicitous on purpose, in some masterfully placed irony meant only to highlight the common folly of the pedestrian commenter....yeah...jokes on you...if only I had meant it that ways.

Regardless, what I said about the ATMs still stands. They already have your picture....

ant1 said...

sufferist - don't worry about me. i am one of them.

ant1 said...

last legal commenter.

get a permit, bitches!

jon said...

1. Buy surfaceless saddle.

2. Participate in this year's "Naked Bike Ride."

3. Stop short.

4. Require new test-cycle.

g said...

Cheva,
The "the" in front of Lone Wolf is unnecessary. You don't say "the God" do you?
And, Lone Wolf knows all.

Anonymous said...

That rail saddle would be perfect for my herpes.

RAIL ASS!

rural 14 said...

ant 2nd!

xyxax said...

all you need to know about ABlackBike:

http://www.ablackbike.com/blog/

Fatuous cyclism

Anonymous said...

My Maxwell House bike is waaay better than that thing...just sayin'

I am the engine said...

Apparently at the nahbs, "it is all about the top tube".

Where was the lone woof?

Is he really Richard Sachs in disguise?

Stupid Name said...

I say "the lobster god",
maybe we should say "The Lone Wolf", just so we don't get confused.

Groosman said...

I am intrigued by the cover-less saddle. But while I am not faint-of-heart, I am faint-of-taint.

Cognorant said...

OBA-

A chrome saddle will reflect more light then a black covered saddle and not get as hot. However it will dissipate the heat that it has to a cooler surface (your assway)quicker than a cloth or leather saddle. By the time you realize it's hot you'll have a good old fashioned ass brand.

Now for the best ass branding, if that's the goal, fasion yourself a saddle from aluminum or copper and paint it black. Then you'll really feel the burn.

ant1 said...

branded assways are so 2009

West Palm Beach criminal attorney said...

No, not dutch bike plagiarism, and hand made envy all in one.

ervgopwr said...

Tagging along at 62

Lantern Rouge?

Or CM/group ride felon?

edom bin necker said...

i aint no educated man but when i read these here comments i dont feel like no dum shit

i mean dam people you fellers must be republicans

Nogocyclist said...

Snobby,

Feel free to eat at Subway. Even feel free to eat one of their footlongs. But beware if you hear the $5 Footlong Song.

Lawrence of the Labia said...

BOTH REAL

OVEN MITT

BIKE DORK

FLAT BRIM

BIKE ENVY

Lawrence of the Labia said...

BOTH REAL

OVEN MITT

BIKE DORK

FLAT BRIM

BIKE ENVY

Anonymous said...

vanilla/coat paint shop does not use decals. The pic of the Speedvagen CX team bike is all wet paint - decals are for pussies

Should I go to church said...

HOTT BUTT

Anonymous said...

Think I found the bike that was stolen at NAHBS
http://richmond.craigslist.org/bik/1625702653.html

carfreepvd said...

That saddle looks like a stripped down spongy wonder. I think I'll stick with my sponge and enjoy the taintpressure-free ride.

aficionada said...

I wasn't sure where to post this... but I found this on another blog on my reader: http://j.mp/bsuTHf

This is an outright sin against the lobster god.

More biblical brand names said...

Seraphim
Cherubim
Nephilim

Which frame is better?
Screw the saddle choice, this is a decision with everlasting consequences!

Do not rejoice O Philistia, all of you, for the rod of your striking is broken, because a viper (Antichrist) comes forth from the root of the snake (Satan) and his fruit is the fiery flying seraph. Isaiah 14:29

I prefer sans seraph.
And sans cherub...
And sans nephil...

Bad Lawyer said...

Great post today, Snob. Awesome pics!

Don Myrah said...

Its clear that Lone Wolf & Richard Sachs areone and the same,I mean have you ever seen both of them at the same time?

Nogocyclist said...

Anon at 7:53

Check with ant1st. That bike has a decal that says ANT. Could it be his?

kerry said...

'(For the faint of heart, I recommend riding with an oven mitt in your crotch.)'

Thee best comment, ever!!Good on ya Snobby!

Oh and why folgers/coffee? I would think you'd prefer tea bags!

kerry said...

The manta saddle.
The answer to re-cyling your rake.

Chafing on that, must be like getting caught in a venetian blind.

A. Franken said...

Why don't you right-wing bastards eat my cock?

Nogocyclist said...

Stolen Bike (There is a joke in there somewhere!)

The craigslist posting of a clown bike for sale for $75.00 is either a joke or the Blog Post of My bike was stolen is the joke.

The photo in both posts is exactly the same. The blog post looks like the actual item and is more believable.

Someone with a sense of humor that may earn them a visit from the police most likely made the craigslist add.

Nogocyclist said...

This bike looks like you would fall off the back if you tried to ride it.

Fall Back Bike

Nogocyclist said...

Snobby,

The seat on this bike looks even more comfortable than the one you showed today. Best ridden without finders.

Bike with a very plush bike seat."

Anonymous said...

http://www.wrzuta.pl/aud/file/rvDR0Fzkqm/bjork-_wanderlust_matthew_herbert_mix.mp3

eric aldinger said...

Is that an Ahead headset? Please do not ride that in the Portland.

Anonymous said...

The headset is a little low on the Chris King Commodity Market
And Folgers is a little low on the Stumptown Coffee Roasting Hipster Market...SCRHM
You would be lucky to pawn that for a payday loan in ptld to get a 5 dollar footlong

7sp said...

Actually, that saddle looks like another area ripe for elk-hide.

Which can only be a good thing.

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure that monkeys are legally allowed to be witnesses. That sandwich requisition almost certainly counts as fraud.

Ben said...

"a cheap bike and some even cheaper ADDP may be all you need."

Amen to that brother!
http://photos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs152.snc1/5651_131940789400_518054400_2353645_884062_n.jpg

...ADDP masking the worst bits of my rattle can paint job! :)

Anonymous said...

My friend and I were recently talking about how technology has become so integrated in our day to day lives. Reading this post makes me think back to that debate we had, and just how inseparable from electronics we have all become.

I don't mean this in a bad way, of course! Ethical concerns aside... I just hope that as technology further advances, the possibility of transferring our memories onto a digital medium becomes a true reality. It's a fantasy that I daydream about every once in a while.

(Submitted by BPost for R4i Nintendo DS.)

Pulling for ya said...

haven't been to the site in a while.

I wasn't surprised to find it was the same snarky lines with new names and places. Your formula is growing old and weak. be back later to see if you can switch it up or die like the dodo

Anonymous said...

Snobby - this surface-less saddle is simply the logical end point for the prototype clipless saddle you previewed a year or so back.

This one shows a number of engineering enhancements including: Front or rear entry, polished rails for increased pants-yabbies comfort, and (obviously) improved lateral rigidity with increased vertical compliance.

It is very exciting to see this new saddleway evolve... I can't wait to strap one on.

Anonymous said...

"Pulling for ya" -- You have no appreciation for the finer things in life, especially brilliant comic writing, which is _much_ harder than it looks. And like attracts like -- some of the regular commenters here are just phenomenal (not me!). Take a sexual departure!

Anonymous said...

"Yes, it's a good old-fashioned Dutch bike/fashion industry slap fight. "

I lost it, completely lost it when I read that and looked at the prissy shit comming out of nahbs.

I doubt sachs could beat up a 90 pound fashion model.

frilly said...

Y'know, all this talk of branding has sparked an idea. ITTET, with my over-abundance of assway, perhaps I could sell space for corporate branding.

ant1 said...

maybe i should incorporate myself.

frilly said...

Oh Antoine, tu es cher.

You can be my oven mitt anytime!

Anonymous said...

Where would the bikes "tramp stamp" go?

pullin for ya said...

Anonymous - It's barely brilliant to fill in the blanks with the same boiler plate plate crap every week. or is it weak? Enjoy yourself.

Anonymous said...

that's a lot of words for decal placement

jerry said...

This is a great post. I just had one of the ‘Doh!’ moments and ran back to correct my own site before publishing my comment. You see my own comment form did not match what I’m about to advice. I get less comment than you, so never noticed any problem. I’ve changed it now anyway so here goes.

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