Friday, December 4, 2009

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!



(Yes, it's another one of those videos.)

Firstly, I'm proud to announce that I recently received a great honor to which I've always aspired. No, I have not had a fixed-gear freestyle trick named after me yet, though I've been practicing diligently on my Scattante underneath the BQE. This is even better--I've actually had a song written for me, which you can listen to below. (If you don't have access to chemical enhancement, I recommend staring into the psychedelic visage of the Nonplussed Journalist as you listen.)




I should point out that it contains some lyrical inaccuracies. For example, they don't actually allow bikes on the BQE, which is why all the fixed-gear freestylers simply ride in circles underneath it instead. Also, I think it could use some alternating Kerry King/Jeff Hanneman style guitar solos and maybe a a little thundering double bass. Still, I really shouldn't be picky, and none of this changes the fact that I'm deeply moved and highly flattered. Also, the composer is in a band called Rademacher, so if they perform in your area be sure to see them and request at the top of your lungs that they do not play this song.

Secondly, as you may know, some legislators in Philadelphia are proposing draconian (I think "draconian" means "annoying," and in any case it should not be confused with "baconian," which means "delicious") new legislation that would result in, among other things, cyclists having to put license plates on their bikes. (Real ones, not novelty ones.) In response, a "grassroots movement" called "Philadelphia Bicycle Insurrection" has arisen to combat these less than baconian laws. Shockwaves are clearly traveling beyond Philadelphia as well, for the New York Times's "Spokes" blog recently ran a post that contained perhaps the most frequent mention of the word "fixie" that I've ever seen:

While I don't support passage of the laws they're proposing in Philadelphia, and while people everywhere should be free to ride their "fixies" unmolested, I also don't know why it isn't completely obvious to everybody in the world that a fixed-gear hub is not a freaking brake. People might as well argue that their ironic mustaches qualify as brakes since they can use the wind resistance to slow themselves down.

Having said that, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see what cyclocross is like in Portland. (Either way, though, you'll win nothing.)

Thanks very much for reading, and for forwarding many of the items in this quiz. Enjoy the weekend, ride safe, and remember that your mustache is not an adequate substitute for a front brake. (Nor is your pubic hair an adequate substitute for the rear--though wheel-truing is another matter.)

--BSNYC/RTMS





1) This is the look of a man who is:

--Under investigation for doping
--Being audited
--Being accused of having an extramarital affair
--Riding a bicycle with no seat







2) It is a good idea to ride a bicycle without a seat.

--False







3) Liz Hatch has the biggest "boobs" in cycling.








4) What is the Amaro Loren?











6) Fill in the blank:

"In Vancouver, track bikes are out and ____________ are in."






7) The seller of this bike plans to use the proceeds in order to:







***Special Literature-Themed Bonus Question***

In the famous poem by Edgar Allan Poe, who said "Nevermore?"

123 comments:

kale said...

Get offa my wheel, poser!

I'm just out for a goddamn recreational ride.

Unknown said...

Podium

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Podium?

Anonymous said...

jajaja

Rick Donkey said...

You can't be on the podium twice!!!

Anonymous said...

true enough...it was my broken spoke

Anonymous said...

ooohh yyyeaaahhhh

Anonymous said...

oh baby

Andrew said...

lead group!

hillbilly said...

That video is just plain awesome (yes, that means I got at least one wrong).

Hatch's handlebars look like they have a slight upturn, does that mean they are fake?

How did the Philly community not opt for Philadelphia Bike Renaissance, you really can't pass up a chance for PBR.

Anonymous said...

an early attack

Strayhorn said...

In the modern version of the poem, the Raven says "404"

Does Liz Hatch have the biggest boobs in cycling? Well, since I don't really follow the womens' tour, I can't say. I can say that she's not afraid to show 'em off, which while being pleasant for us onlookers probably has a negative effect on aerodynamics. A study should be done. Perhaps Zinn and Jobst can argue about it endlessly.

Forecast is for snow and wind tomorrow. Looks like I'll be on the trainer in front of the TV this weekend. Does Hatch have a "training" video?

Fierce Panties said...

There is only one Lone Wolf.

Isolation Helmet said...

BIGB OOBS

Astroluc (Find me on Tumblr and Instagram @Astroluc) said...

I lost the game... but got the last few right.

LIZH ATCH

Anonymous said...

Hey Snob--

No audio for your song: corrupt audio file?

ant1 said...

only got one wrong. go me.

Anonymous said...

BIZ THATCH

Liz Hatch said...

My eyes are up here, guys!

Carlos said...

NOBODY READS!

ringcycles said...

Bonzaiii!! 10/10. Thank the almighty for Japanese lack of color sense and Liz's stupendous... sense of humor.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Bad Lawyer,

Sorry, should work now.

--BSNYC

Anonymous said...

Liz

We be keepin' our eyes on the prize!

Anonymous said...

Liz~

I'm watching your cadence! ;)

NICE LEGS

rezado said...

Man, I love friday even if it is responsible for my divorce.

Anonymous said...

I don't know, Snob, do these guys know any chord progressions?

DRITTO said...

Finally! A bar that's compatible with fixies! (or maybe it's not compatible with shifters?)

DRITTO (fixie bike handlebar)

ant1 said...

Liz - I was just checking what brand heart rate monitor strap you were wearing.

rezado said...

Finally, another use for mustaches besides covering up your herpes flair up.

Slappy said...

boobs, go fast with or without, heaving downhill, nevermore the ruddick fixxters do it do it liscence plates would be good, then would the fixterhipsters have to take riders ed? that would be fun.. when i went to get my motorcycle liscence in rutland, my visor fell off halfway there, so i was looking pretty funny and my 77 r100 always looks funny, but man it was painfully funny to watch a woman on the 125 they have there, try unsuccessfully for her 5th time, to get her moto liscence. pretty much how i would imagine alot of the fixterhipsters faring at basic bike handling class. i got a my only point off for skidding a little bit. i did not put my nuts on the stem though

kale said...

Can you import NJS license plates from Japan?

Unknown said...

I know Rademacher! The say the name means "Bicycle Maker" in German.

mikeweb said...

Way to go Kale, BJ, BL

and all of you get offa my wheel before I swat ya with the backa my crochet glove clad hand and stick my Silca frame pump into your 'boutique' front wheel!

Anonymous said...

BOO BACIOUS

wishiwasmerckx said...

Is that Francis Baconian law or Kevin Baconian law? I'm confused.

CommieCanuck said...

Yo! wa sop bro's...

the correct answer to #7 is:

D) paying for his prostate surgery.


Does Liz Hatch have the biggest boobs in cycling?

No, sadly, that would be this guy.

leroy said...

Well now honestly.

The comment section of BSNYC has the biggest boobs in cycling.

I can't be the only one to have noticed or to have helped earn the title.

CommieCanuck said...

Hatch is downright cheating. Those boobs fill in the space on her chest directing air around here for a clear aerodynamic advantage. Zipp has the windtunnel data to back it up, including data on the advantage of cellulite dimples.

I've volunteered with zee UCI to screen woman riders for this rule infraction.

Those are real, the "M.B." on her bar tape: My Boobs.

g said...

I went back a few days and it turns out that Liz Hatch actually has a head. Didn't notice that before.

CommieCanuck said...

oh yeah..and check it out, she's riding a bike!

Unknown said...

Liz Hatch's best attribute?
Her sense of humor!

FRTY FRTH

bikesgonewild said...

...i guess the nicest thing about your song bsnyc/rtms is the fact that it's monotone-izm only lasts for 1min 12sec...

...sorry, but that stilted, robotic, computer generated voice introducing the "friday fun quiz" had palpably greater dynamics to it...

...& draconian/baconian ???...sheesh...somebody else jumps on stevil kinevil's 'bacon bandwagon'...

...& i'll take "a grassroots movement" for $400, please alex...
..."ah...what do cows have every morning & afternoon, making it a daily double ???"...

Disgruntl Ed. said...

I have a spoon with which I enjoy the lush valleys of the possible.

To each his own.

Anonymous Coward said...

Anyone else notice the awesome track stand in the "wrong" video? it was epic brah!

Baconian!

Meccanico di Veno said...

In the UK and most of the EU bicycles are required to have a brake on both wheels, and if your bike is fixed gear you are only required to have a front handbrake, so A FIXED GEAR HUB IS A FREAKING BRAKE.

It is not the most effective brake, but it will stop you, certainly as well as the badly adjusted and maintained brakes on the average American person's bicycle: a department store full-suspension mountain bike.

Anonymous said...

That can't be Phil and Paul. Otherwise, there'd be a non-stop Lance montage playing in the background.

CommieCanuck said...

Yes, it's Paul and Phil, and they're undressed, which can mean only one thing, big Tom Boonen or big George Hincapie were nearby.

Anonymous said...

I would cheerfully pay a fee for a philadelphia bike license if, in return, the city would start ticketing cars parked in the bike lanes.

ant1 said...

Don't Liz's boobs act as a fairing, thereby making them illegal by UCI regulations?

grog said...

I was in Philly a few times last week. I saw many bikes being ridden, none of them on the street. Also, Philly pedestrians should be license tagged and ticketed for their extra-baconian behavior.
Grate Fry Day Funk Whiz.
Thanks Snobbie/Artemus

kale said...

FUCK YEAH

I know what I'm having for dinnah!

CommieCanuck said...

ant1.. pay attention.

Don't make me repeat myself.

CommieCanuck said...

I know what I'm having for dinnah!

mmmm...greasy.

is this what they mean by "makin' bacon on the beach"?

Anonymous said...

Being the adult, here, I want Liz to know that not all of us were looking at her...well let's just say I want to see her tats.

ant1 said...

Meccanico di Veno - i personally don't give a damn whether people go brakeless or not, but just because something can slow something else down does not make it a brake. the engine/transmission combo in my truck can slow it down, but i'm pretty sure neither is considered a brake. a wall would slow it down too, but that's not a brake either. also, is the hub the brake, or the chain? or is it the cranks, or maybe your legs? if it's your legs, than the bike is not equipped with a brake, since you're not part of the bike.

no matter what your or my definition of a brake may be, only the definition used by the lawmakers will matter, if they pass such a law. and the law could simply be something along the lines of every bike should be equipped with an approved brake, or certified brake, and the list of such brakes would not include a fixed rear hub, or legs. just like cars have to be equipped with safety belts, and a jerry rigged approximation is not legal even if you can argue it will keep you from flying around the cab.

also, just because some people can use a fixed rear hub almost as effectively as they use a regular brake does not mean people should be allowed to. some people are really good at driving cars really fast, but they're still not allowed to on public roads.

MY2C ENTS

esau bin necker said...

so i wents to liz hatchs titter acount

oops i mean twitter my bad

so she likes that blind side movie but i think its all propaganda crusader bullshit

like what the fuck some rich white christian lady hiring that black dude as a football slave

in the reel world hed be taught the koran and renamed jamal

thats my only greef with liz hatch otherwise im just titpicking

oops i mean nitpicking

my bad

mikeweb said...

well put ant1

and you too, esau

db said...

Was the Raven quote a tribute to Eric Woolfson?

New York City personal injury lawyer said...

Great post, will be coming back for more often.

kale said...

ant1,

It seems like a win-win situation. If 'the man' passes these laws (which are already on the book in most cities/states) the breakless 'fixie' riders will garner even more street cred, which is the penultimate psychological need on the fixter's Maslow hierarchy.

If breakless bikes are outlawed, only outlaws will ride them.

Anonymous said...

damn freaky non-plussed animation, and/or the song play crashed my laptop twice.

fantz crazznzpper said...

Hey Liz, hit me up!
512-867-5309

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a lot of today's comments are from people who are really hard up.
Cringeworthy.

ant1 said...

Kale, way to throw in some Maslow! your point makes perfect sense. i bet the fixters are actually pushing for the legislation themselves.

ant1 said...

anon 4:58 - it's not our fault. i blame Liz for our hardness.

Joshua said...

Rademacher is awesome! They put on the best live show ever!

kale said...

ant1, irony is their forté...

murphstahoe said...

Have you heard about this "Cyclocross racing". I heard it is very cool.

http://vimeo.com/7897241

The Cricket said...

I love my palmarès!

Stupid Name said...

Sorry,

This week has been a waste.

I need all of you to post every liz hatch photo available.

My life has no meaning otherwise. The only sunshine in a skanky world

SDintact said...

Wow. Very nice post. Well done to you....keep up the good job.

Bluenoser said...

Liz Hatch, although busting forth, is twittering our lives away guys...

-B

Some Guy on the Innernets said...

For all I know it could be custom.

Klaus Mohn said...

song's down. can somebody re-upload it somewhere usable? can Rademacher do the right thing and put it on their damn Myspace?

Rademacher < Darren Rademaker of The Tyde (straight-up nice person from LA! He was probably in that ride with Jared Leto)

Meccanico di Veno said...

ant1. I have been debating this bullshit since it first became an issue nearly 100 years after the invention of the safety bicycle and it's fixed gear hub. The "stopping with my trucks transmission" argument has been tried by many fools in the past, but your truck's transmission was never designed to completely stop your truck, unless stopping is also supposed to involve stalling your truck. Also you never know when the engine is going to get one more rotation before it quits, sending it forward a few feet, no it's not the most reliable way to stop within a given distance. Also rather than your vehicle weighing 1/10th of what you weigh, your vehicle weighs 10 times what you weigh, so unless you are superman i do think you'll be able to Fred Flintstone it to a stop if you aren't slowing as fast as you wanted to.


I pointed out a precedent where "the law" regards a fixed gear hub as a suitable slowing and stopping device, and as a typical detractor you have chose to ignore it, you won't even investigate it. If the UK and Eu thought that a fixed hub wasn't a braking device, they would require fixed gear bikes to have a handbrake the the rear too.


The problem is that these days every machine is so complicated that something as simple as a fixed gear bike boggles the mind. There just isn't enough to it for people to comprehend. It's too stripped down, something has to be missing, is must be dangerous. the truth of the matter is that they stop about as well as a brand new bike with a Chinese coasterbrake, and better than an MTB from sold and assembled at Wal-Mart, and these sorts of bikes will never come under scrutiny, mainly because they are "normal" to the great unwashed.

It's really the BMXers that are gonna get screwed on this, some of them ride bikes that are truly brakeless (yes, on the street that is potentially dangerous). They are easily worth the same kind of coin as a track bike, you can easily spend just as much building a decent BMX as you can building a track bike from the frame and wheels up.

It's not so much the law itself, requiring a brake, it the confiscation of personal property that is the most disturbing.

Do think anyone would ever propose that an automobile be confiscated for a safety equipment violation?

cheva said...

Big hug to offset the fury of MdV above. Out of curiosity, does that translate as "little tiny nuts hanging in the wind"? Or is that Meccano di Vento? Never could get those plans to work, sea going tramcar indeed...

Anonymous said...

"Do think anyone would ever propose that an automobile be confiscated for a safety equipment violation?"

uh, yeah.

esau bin necker said...

me and rikim was riding billy bobs pickup truck and the windshield been smashed in by some damm fool deer that darted acrost the road

the state troopers pulled us over and tolt us we couldnt ride the truck no more until we gots the windshield replaced

i tried to tell them that they was violating our rites as mooslims but they wasnt buying it

just sayin numbnuts

Anonymous said...

MdV -- I'm sorry, but I think anyone who rides a bike on the road should be required to have a real brake on at least one wheel, ideally the front. The moment you get on the road, it's not just about you, it's about everyone else too. Sliding friction (skidding) is less effective than static friction (strong braking short of a skid), and the front wheel stops you a lot quicker than the back (read your Sheldon Brown, may he rest in peace).

Anonymous said...

Anon 10:47-

You're just sound like a pussy.

Anonymous said...

Yup, probably am. And I have a beard and a helmet mirror! All I'm lacking is a recumbent, but I still have a few tattered shreds of dignity. -- Anon 10:47

Meccanico di Veno said...

There's is a big difference between confiscating something, which means you can't get it back, and impounding a vehicle, which means you pay your fees and get your property back. And as someone who has owned several old cars in various states of disrepair, the Police rarely impound your car over an equipment violation, they issue you a ticket and send you on your way. They don't get to keep your car, even if the brakes don't work.

Yeah, front brake only, that sounds safe. I've got an idea, require a front brake and a rear brake, and consider a fixed gear hub to be a rear brake, like they do in most of the rest of the world. If that was done then nobody on either side of the conflict would have anything to bitch about.

Meccanico di Veno said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ken e. (loves rock) said...

IHRT BRQS
LTSA BRQS
FXDN TCNT

HRBA LPRT

leroy said...

Now I get it.

If a fixed gear weighs the same as a duck, it's witch..

Ahh, science.

Now for the more difficult question.

When truing a wheel, which is better: rolling friction or fluid friction?

ant1 said...

damn mdv, did i hit a nerve there? was someone close to you killed by a brake law? i guess i should have limited my comment to "i personally don't give a damn whether people go brakeless or not." what a fool i was to think i had the experience or had done the research necessary to express my views on the topic in your presence. thanks for putting me in my place.

g said...

correct me if I am wrong, Ant1, but I thought you were saying that 'the man' would define what a brake was and everyone would have to go along. If 'they' decide that a fixed hub is a brake, so be it. That, and that (assuming here) in your OPINION, the fixed rear hub is not the most effective brake and would, most likely, be disqualified from contention in the brake definition contest. I know you certainly don't need me to defend you, but I just wanted to make sure I got it right. I actually have brakes on all the wheels of all my bikes, so maybe my voice should not be heard.

MdV, try violating game and fish laws here in FL and they not only take your tackle, they take your boat, trailer and vehicle. So, yeah, 'they' can take your stuff.

Anonymous said...

destroy all the fixed gear bikes. smash them with hammers. they are a menace. just walk because you dont appreciate a real bicycle.

ant1 said...

g - pretty much. i couldn't give two shits about brake laws really, since i don't feel that they apply to me anyway. and as far as injustices around the world go, having a bike confiscated doesn't seem that high on my list of things to worry about right now. so, sorry to all the urban brakeless bmxers out there for my lack of support. but even if, god forbid, some form of brake law gets enacted somewhere, i have faith that the supreme court would uphold their god given right to ride brakeless in public places.

oh, almost forgot, skateboarding is not a crime.

Anonymous said...

in most of the world a coaster brake is considered a rear brake not a fixed hub.

proof that riding fixies rots your brain.

Anonymous said...

even someone who works at Starbucks can afford a car these days. zero down and $129/mo. in NYC insurance is not actually required to drive.

Anonymous said...

do yourself a favor today and back over a parked bicycle.

Anonymous said...

the best fixie is called "walking".

Walking: feel the flow.

If you really have to get there buy a fucking car.

Anonymous said...

I just wasnt in the groove on my bike today...so I pushed it off a bridge. maybe I can say that somebody stole my credit card.

now that I'm back in my suv everything is much clearer.

jolene said...

dont tread on me fuck the governement yall

Meccanico di Veno said...

Anonymous: if a fixed gear hub wasn't considered a brake, then you would have to have a rear handbrake in addition to your fixed hub in places like the UK, Germany, and Japan. Google around, figure it out.

A BMX with no brakes whatsoever is illegal, in the US as far as I know. Most states in the US require a bicycle to have (just) a rear brake.

Proof that using the word "fixie" rots your brain.

Anonymous said...

"the world" is not Europe and Japan...Google around, figure it out.

Most bikes have coaster brakes, not a front caliper and a rear fixed hub, selected hipsters notwithstanding.

Anonymous said...

a fixed hub is a brake, an orange is an apple, they do it in Japan....blah blah.

google around figure it out

Anonymous said...

Aloha is ok but all the cool kids and Industrial Artists hang out in Portland.

Move to Portland and get your Tall Bike on, along with all the other industrial artists and meth heads. Your head is considered a brake in the Netherlands.

Anonymous said...

personally I prefer carbon over steel because its more toxic, and its easier to break with a hammer

Anonymous said...

the radio said that the new Land Rover is carbon neutral. I think that's news we can believe in.

Anonymous said...

in some G-8 countries a wall is considered a brake. also a hole in the ground, and a cliff.

Anonymous said...

I needed to get some exercise so last week I drove to Hood River and back with my bike in the trunk.

leroy said...

In the eyes of my dog, I'm The Man.

Of course, to him, the term "fixed gear" conjures up images that have nothing to do with bikes.

Poor guy.

I think he'd like his brakes back.

Meccanico di Veno said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Meccanico di Veno said...

Better schools in the suburbs, and less idiots in Subarus going 15mph. I'm over Portland, and cities in general.

Anonymous said...

The music web-insert thing wouldn't play for me. I was so disappointed. But I found the mp3 reference. Here is the link:
http://www.filefreak.com/files/90249_tkbyw/The%20_Epic_%20BSNYC%20Theme%20Song.mp3

Even more disappointed after listening.

Anonymous said...

you can't download the file because your modem is set to "passive-aggressive"

CommieCanuck said...

Do think anyone would ever propose that an automobile be confiscated for a safety equipment violation?

Happens every day.
If you're going to take up 22 seconds of my reading time, make sense or something.

CommieCanuck said...


oh, almost forgot, skateboarding is not a crime.


It is if you install machine gun turrets on one.

Trust me, ...been there, ...done that.

Santa Clara domestic violence lawyer said...

Awesome, also moving up getting twitted about all over the place.

bikesgonewild said...

...barry white sez...

..."you're my 1st, my last, my everything !!!"...

...jusy singin'...

wishiwasmerckx said...

C'mon now. If we don't get a new post soon, I am going to ask for my money back. Oh, wait...never mind.

Billy Reid said...

hangover? more work to do than me (obviously)? spare wheel left behind at bar? broken wheel brow (i think its dry today)?

hillbilly said...

billy1st!

Daddo said...

it IS cold...

..but my prediction is that our hero is attending some sort of news conference or event that he will report on

hillbilly said...

wait a second....isn't Radio Shack camp starting??!!

Billy Reid said...

The only way to know is if Lance suddenly trades his Madone to a "curious new unnamed team member" for that person's ironic Orange Julius bike . . . hmmmm

hillbilly said...

or if Levi starts tweeting about a certain "Vito".....

Chicago auto insurance said...

Love the quiz. Watched all the videos including the wrong answer one and my face hurts a little now.

Billy Reid said...

"The new team mechanic, Vito, did a killer job prepping my bike for the ride, but I think he threw some poo on it as we rolled out of the hotel. He's an odd fellow."

Meccanico di Veno said...

Commie Canuck: confiscate means they keep it and you can't get it back, that's not the same as impound. Most states issue you a ticket for a safety violation AKA a "fix-it" ticket. Maybe it's different in Canuckistan.