BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

(Yes, it's another one of those videos.)

Firstly, I'm proud to announce that I recently received a great honor to which I've always aspired. No, I have not had a fixed-gear freestyle trick named after me yet, though I've been practicing diligently on my Scattante underneath the BQE. This is even better--I've actually had a song written for me, which you can listen to below. (If you don't have access to chemical enhancement, I recommend staring into the psychedelic visage of the Nonplussed Journalist as you listen.)

I should point out that it contains some lyrical inaccuracies. For example, they don't actually allow bikes on the BQE, which is why all the fixed-gear freestylers simply ride in circles underneath it instead. Also, I think it could use some alternating Kerry King/Jeff Hanneman style guitar solos and maybe a a little thundering double bass. Still, I really shouldn't be picky, and none of this changes the fact that I'm deeply moved and highly flattered. Also, the composer is in a band called Rademacher, so if they perform in your area be sure to see them and request at the top of your lungs that they do not play this song.

Secondly, as you may know, some legislators in Philadelphia are proposing draconian (I think "draconian" means "annoying," and in any case it should not be confused with "baconian," which means "delicious") new legislation that would result in, among other things, cyclists having to put license plates on their bikes. (Real ones, not novelty ones.) In response, a "grassroots movement" called "Philadelphia Bicycle Insurrection" has arisen to combat these less than baconian laws. Shockwaves are clearly traveling beyond Philadelphia as well, for the New York Times's "Spokes" blog recently ran a post that contained perhaps the most frequent mention of the word "fixie" that I've ever seen:

While I don't support passage of the laws they're proposing in Philadelphia, and while people everywhere should be free to ride their "fixies" unmolested, I also don't know why it isn't completely obvious to everybody in the world that a fixed-gear hub is not a freaking brake. People might as well argue that their ironic mustaches qualify as brakes since they can use the wind resistance to slow themselves down.

Having said that, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see what cyclocross is like in Portland. (Either way, though, you'll win nothing.)

Thanks very much for reading, and for forwarding many of the items in this quiz. Enjoy the weekend, ride safe, and remember that your mustache is not an adequate substitute for a front brake. (Nor is your pubic hair an adequate substitute for the rear--though wheel-truing is another matter.)

--BSNYC/RTMS

1) This is the look of a man who is:

--Under investigation for doping
--Being audited
--Being accused of having an extramarital affair
--Riding a bicycle with no seat

2) It is a good idea to ride a bicycle without a seat.

--True

--False

3) Liz Hatch has the biggest "boobs" in cycling.

--True

--False

4) What is the Amaro Loren?

--A ship that was wrecked off the coast of Massachusetts in 1927

--A Bond girl from the Roger Moore era
--"The ice sword with which Josef Ajram cuts across the barren horizons of the impossible."
--"The cheese steak with which Eddy Mercxk traverses the endless landscape of his appetite."

5) Which is not an advertised selling point of this bicycle, available on eBay?

--"AMAZING AWESOME TOTALLY RADICAL"
--"BARS SPINS FOR DAYS!!!"
--"... pink oury grips . Im gunna stick those in to."
--"No reserve, no dignity."

6) Fill in the blank:

"In Vancouver, track bikes are out and ____________ are in."

--Synthesizers
--Vocoders

--Sitars

--Keytars

7) The seller of this bike plans to use the proceeds in order to:

--Buy a road bike

--Buy a mountain bike

--Buy a recumbent

--Buy a camera and sell his girlfriend

8) The lever on the seatpost:

--Lowers the saddle
--Sounds the airhorn
--Actuates the rear brake
--Combats genital numbness by pumping blood directly to the crotchal region

9) Who is this?

--Bob Roll and Al Trautwig
--Phil Liggett and Paul Sherwen
--Greg LeMond and Claudio Chiappucci

--A couple of fixed-gear riders on the set of "MASH II: 10 Years Later"

***Special Literature-Themed Bonus Question***

In the famous poem by Edgar Allan Poe, who said "Nevermore?"

--The Raven

--Roderick Usher

--C. Auguste Dupin

--A talking beagle named Scraps