Friday, August 14, 2009

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

(A small request: Vito, my helper monkey, is preparing shipment of the various prizeways for the Fat Cyclist Knuckle Tattoo Tribute Contest. However, he is overwhelmed and possibly high, and cannot find the email address for the creator of the submission with the carrots. As such, I'm asking that this person please email me again and reference "carrots" in the subject line. Thanks very much, and sorry for the inconvenience. Vito and I are not the best contest curators.)

Yesterday morning as I was crossing the Manhattan Bridge I noticed a group of cyclists assembled by the fence overlooking the East River:

Ordinarily I would think nothing of this and keep pedaling. However, a number of the bicycles had white tires, many of them had racks, and all of them had fenders:

Fenguard curation is relatively rare in New York City, so when I saw so many fendered bikes assembled all in one place on a weekday morning my first thought was that they were all members of some commuter dork cult and were about to commit mass suicide by jumping off the bridge. Naturally, I stopped to investigate in case it became necessary to intervene and talk them down (or, if I was unsuccessful, to take their bikes). However, after standing around for a few moments I became satisfied that they were not about to kill themselves, and so I simply snapped a picture and resumed my commute.

Incidentally, I've mentioned before that people tend to regard me with a look of contempt bordering on disgust, and a close-up of this particular shot proves it yet again:


If you're wondering why this blog often has a bitter tone, a lifetime of being glowered at should serve as at least a partial explanation. To recap:

Mind you, this is only since last September, and it's only the people I've actually caught on camera. Granted, it's inspiring that so many people of different races and genders can all come together to hate me, but it still takes its toll. Yes, the "nonplussed" (in the technically incorrect yet increasingly common sense of the word) eyes of society have undoubtedly sculpted me into whatever it is I am today.

Anyway, I forgot about the would-be fender cult until this morning, when I was passing by that rotating cube in Astor Place and an assembly of bicycles once again caught my eye. From a distance, they looked like Republics, so of course I headed over to investigate:

As it turns out, they weren't Rebublics at all; they were Globes. I queried a nearby gentleman who commendably managed not to regurgitate his breakfast at the sight of me, and he informed me that Specialized (who are behind the Globe brand) are doing some kind of pre-launch promotional thing and that a bunch of industry types were going to be riding these things around the city today. Also, in addition to the Republic-like fixies (yes, I am saying "fixies" just to be irritating) they had these:

I then realized what I had encountered yesterday must have been some kind of Globe promotional ride, which would explain why they were all wearing those Specialized helmets with their distinctive and patented Wall of Vents on the back. Apparently, this afternoon they're also going to have some kind of booth set up in Red Hook, as well as another one tomorrow at "Summer Streets." This way you can marvel at what what very well may be the world's most uncomfortable-looking production bike:

Of course I was tingling all over after this thrilling encounter with The Industry, and I was even more delighted afterward when I noticed that, in one of the photos I took, a Globe person actually appeared to be smiling at me:


Though at second glance I'm pretty sure she was actually smiling at these women instead:

At any rate, as the exhilaration from my brush with real live bicycle marketing subsides, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see French cycling at its best, courtesy of Metal Inquisition.

Thanks very much for reading (and for sending photos, some of which are included in this quiz), ride safe, and beware of withering scowls and wayward Globes.


--BSNYC/RTMS





1) Locking your Brooks is irrelevant when:

--You've left a water bottle on your bike
--You're riding a mixte
--You have full fenders
--You've locked your bike to a headless meter






2) This bicycle-themed window display was spotted by a reader in:

--Tempe, AZ
--Chicago, IL
--Baltimore, MD
--Raleigh, NC






3) This bicycle-themed window display was spotted by a reader in:


--Tempe, AZ
--Chicago, IL
--Baltimore, MD
--Raleigh, NC





4) What's going on here?

--The owner has jury rigged a replacement headset top nut
--The owner has jury rigged an auxiliary rudder-like steering mechanism
--The owner has jury rigged a visual indicator to ensure proper stem/wheel alignment
--Impossible to know for sure without more information





5) Why can't these riders remember what day it is?

--Because their tampons are so comfy
--Because they're wearing tall socks
--Because they're palping banana seats
--Because it's Wednesday and they're stoned out of their minds





6) Top tube commentary may well be the new top tube pad.

--True
--False





7) Performance, Inc. denies being behind the wildly popular "Performance" music video:

--True
--False



***Special Erotic Leather Saddle-Themed Bonus Question***



What are these two priests doing?

--Preparing to make out
--Preparing to lick a bicycle saddle
--Sniffing a saddle a woman has just dismounted
--Exorcising a demon from a Dutch city bike

(Correct answer via Prolly)

127 comments:

Anonymous said...

1

Anonymous said...

cash cow sings

Anonymous said...

4 minutes!

Anonymous said...

san dimas high school football rules

Anonymous said...

anybody ever see that korean film 'Oasis'?

sufferist said...

woot woot! early to the show!!!!

d Gital said...

hooooooot

Anonymous said...

Korean cinema benefits from a robust Korean industrial policy favoring a digital infrastructure

Anonymous said...

top ten!!!

excalibro said...

top ten. hey now!

Will Handsfield said...

top 20

mikeweb said...

Wheelbrow-age!!

Kale, looks to be many candidates here for your new profile pic.

Anonymous said...

15.0?

crimerider said...

weirdly coincidental that monella and i ride in the same skirt while attempting to suntan our asses in the process.

grog said...

so Wednesday is your carefree period?
FUNK WHIZ

streepo said...

Come and get one in the yarbles!!
If you've got any yarbles!

rezado said...

I love friday

Brian said...

Although just as effective, I don't think the one piece flat bar/stem running parallel to the front wheel will catch on as fast as the spoke card.

Strayhorn said...

I see that Raleigh NC came up in the answer pattern twice.

That's very discouraging.

hillbilly said...

not a single benatar/blondie question? what quiz was I studying for last night?

B G M said...

On number 4... I actually have one of those. Although it looks like a horrible crotch-spike of some kind, it is actually an attachment for a baby seat: http://www.ibertinc.com/

Brad W. said...

i've always hated those specialized helmets with the "Wall of Vents"

it always reminds me of a plastic ducktail hairstyle

BikeSnobNYC said...

BGM,

Ah, thanks! That explains it.

I did recently see someone riding a bike with a quill stem and a threadless stem bolted to the quill steerer. The threadless stem held the bars and the quill stem bar clamp was simply vestigial--essentially, the quill stem was serving the purpose of one of those threaded-to-threadless adapters. Sadly, the bike was in motion and I didn't manage to get a photo.

--BSNYC

Anonymous said...

speaking of alignment between handled bras and toptubes, any body notice the apparent 90-degree wonkiness on one of those Globes?

thegock said...

GOOD WKND

Todd said...

I love how the top tube message censored the word asshole but not asshat.

mikeweb said...

Fail!

I hear tell Jolene has one of them kinda guns.

Anonymous said...

oooh yeah, the robins-egg blue one. The best thing is the piece of red tape on it, kind of a "hey, this one needs checking, something ain't right" piece of red tape.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

mikeweb said...

Snob, the back of the rotund guy's t-shirt (OK, I know that doesn't really narrow it down) gives a clue to the group's purpose.

Why didn't I think of that! Charge people $90 a head to ride them around and blab about some history. On the M.B. I wonder if they were discussing the lore and legend of the elusive "Byke-Snobbe" of old New Amsterdam...

smellvin said...

The wall of vents provide 1000 DFUs of lift to take some pressure of your derriere on those epic rides.

mikeweb said...

Lest I be presumptive, the t-shirt gives a possible clue...

Norman said...

Yeah, I mean, it couldn't be because you have a camera pointed at them now, could it? I mean, you asked for their permission and all, got a release before publishing their likeness, right?

mikeweb said...

BTW, would that happen to be the south (pedestrian) side of the M.B.?

mikeweb said...

...on second inspection, does look to the bicycling side of the M.B...

BikeSnobNYC said...

Mikeweb,

The scowler distracted me from the t-shirt, but yes, it's an excellent clue. They are riding Globes though--at least I think they are.

Norman,

My camera is cunningly disguised as an extended middle finger, so I'm sure that's not it. Plus, people look at me that way even without the camera.

--BSNYC

Astroluc said...

wicked late... did I miss the race?

Disgruntl Ed. said...

That Carefree ad promises "no chance of odour or accident." This is the cycling product I have always wanted.

How exactly I am going to rub/palp/rock one causes me some cares though.

CommieCanuck said...

That Alex Marco video is the cool, I'm going to have that song in my head all weekend.

CARR OTS!

Eric Lowe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Eric Lowe said...

Alas, you may have had your clue right here.

You didn't notice the excellent middleaged man with droopy socks and the toursbybike.com colourwa-hey!?

:)

ringcycles said...

Snobbie; You might get more pleasant reactions if you ride is something other than the chicken suit once in a while. I mean, that thing has to build up some poly-pro stench after a few miles.

BTW: Brilliant marketing on the part of Specialized,to see a hoard of tubby frumpy grumpy riders nearly blocking the bike path makes me want to run right out and buy a new bike from them. Hope it gets more people to commute by bike, but can't those cats be better herded?

hillbilly said...

Could be Johannes, but doesn't really look like anybody on the "about us" page...

Katie said...

BSNYC, I assume you already knew about Performance Bicycle's recent tweet: "Palp our Deal of the Day..." from this tweet: http://twitter.com/performance_inc/status/3309208703

Slappy said...

Has anyone else noticed the Globe headtube badge appear to double as a picture frame????????????

BikeSnobNYC said...

Katie,

I didn't, until just a moment ago. So they're blowing out the ol' Empire State Courier, huh? Such bittersweet memories...

--BSNYC

sufferist said...

missed the bonus question, dang priests and their strange proclivities...

mikeweb said...

Slappy, I did not notice, but it does appear to be one.

So: bicycle, fashion accessory, picture frame - what else can this thing do?

MINGUStheMECHANIC said...

Alex marco needs to get some better looking video hos, I'll never see that video on BET.

Think I'll order a redyourdead.com "fixie" and hang out with the happening crew at toursbybike.

Luck E. Seven said...

VITO RULZ

GLBS AMUK

HEAD LESS

PRST LICK

QUIZ FAIL

Carefrees come in a widthways expansionway!


.-

Anonymous said...

that iBert safe-T-seat doesn't mention not mounting to a carbon steerer. great for my new madone.

mikeweb said...

hillbilly, I'm thinking the toursbybike guy is Marc. The helmet in Snob's pic and his head shot on the site look to be the front and back of the same helmet.

Yep, it's a little quiet at work today...

Anonymous said...

1.) The right banana seat appears to be too low for its purpose.

2.) Those French are so au courant !

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 1:55 PM.

why don't they just make kids with an attatcment like that?

Fred said...

I've worked a lot of retail. That Globe woman in the photo is using a technique called "Smiling on the outside."

On the inside is usually a combination of seething resentment and disgust, but maybe that was just me.

Anonymous said...

I rekon you get the facial reactions you do because they can read the expression of freedom on your face.

hillbilly said...

ah, of course, i think you are right:

"If you're very lucky, on one of his tours, you may be exposed to another one of his passions, singing. "

Thank god it was singing.

Anonymous said...

then onto the up-sell

Anonymous said...

I like to sing the 1812 overture at traffic lights, while I’m lighting up.

Anonymous said...

peamut waltz for me, or a hummed for your eyes only.

sufferist said...

Nothing beats a strong Italian aria for cycling pleasure. Just look what it did for Dave in Breaking Away....

Anonymous said...

It's a tiller, asshat!

mikeweb said...

Showtunes. Yeah, I said it.

Fred said...

The state of French cycling is but a cup in the well of suck that is French popular music.

Anonymous said...

thems my fries, getcher own damn fries!

reefund, reeeeefund??!

Typenschild Delete said...

Wall of Vents? How can you have a wall composed of empty space? The mind reels.

hillbilly said...

I usually start with something a little minor threatish and end with something a little bananaramaish

" Lance Armstrong confirmed yesterday that George Hincapie will ride for Radio Shack Cycling next year."

Anonymous said...

Thank you Snob for the Carefree ad. Between the tears from laughter, though, I have to say that I'm envious of the shifter the girl on the left is rockin'.

Anonymous said...

I wonder how long we will have to wait for emergence of the auxiliary rudder-like steering mechanism mounted brake lever (ARLSMMBL)

Anonymous said...

I'm hungry

bk jimmy said...

Special Bonus Question For Hillbilly:

Why does Pat Benatar talk so much?

Anonymous said...

Was looking @ wikipedia's definition of "Fred."
They got it all wrong, confusing "fred" with "newbie."

hillbilly said...

crap, all that studying and I don't know! I do know she is from greenpoint though. I thought it was her guitar player who did all the talking (that "quick" history was 2 of the longest minutes of my life)

red neckerson said...

so anyways we aint gots no docter in viper so i goes to some quake in fisty

my throot was sore so he took out my tonsells and my side was sore after drinking too much beer and he took out my gall blatter and i couldnt shit fer three days and he took out my apendicks

i tolt him i wants to go faster on my bike sos he took off one of my nuts

this week i saw him whiles i was riding up to paris and damm if he wasnt riding one of them expensive eyetalian crabon fibre bikes

but since i was so much liter than he was from having them needless body parts removed i could kick his ass and sos thats what i did

Anonymous said...

i have actually sign taht movie Lola something ,cant beat italian soft porn on bike

Anonymous said...

Hey Snob the priests appear to be having a snerd! http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=snerd I was first put onto this term when on a Sunday club ride with Manchester wheelers, some of Reg Harris's old helper monkeys informed me of this hidden pleasure! Maybe the guy in the pic you took has just had a particularly bad snerd when you cuaght him on film! Graeme34.

Fred said...

Imagine my excitement when I saw the Snob captured an entire Fred group ride on camera!

Looking non-plussed is an involuntary reflex for Freds, we're simply aping the expression on most people's faces when they happen to catch sight of us.

Fred said...

I didn't think that wikipedia article was saying Fred=Newbie. I think it defines two Freds: Fred=Poseur and Fred=Hack.

YMMV.

Fred said...

re: snerd.

In NC I used to regularly see a woman cycling on the backroads between Chapel Hill and Durham who wore only a thong, a thong she really had no business wearing.

Given the long, hot, humid Carolina summer, I always had a lot of sympathy for her bike mechanic. The involuntary snerd from that saddle must have been a kind of nosmic rape.

Wes said...

It's alright Fred, I'm here.

Maxxxie said...

That Monella video freaked me out. But I LMAO'd when the dude on the racing bike took off.. it's like, "Yeh, your arse is nice, but I'd much rather train!" :)

bikesgonewild said...

...notice it's called the "BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!"...

...reminds me more of school when the teacher popped (palped ???) a last minute exam on firday/friday & then ya wondered all weekend about the pass/fail thingy...

...what's "fun" about that ???...these "quizzes" leave me tense all weekend...

...just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

yeah, except on monday's you got to stand up and tell class about all the exciting things you did over the weekend, like... noting.

Anonymous said...

anyone here still rolling with obama spoke cards?

Anonymous said...

fred,

'backroads' between CH and Durham?? every last inch of deerpath and driveway in NC is a "highway". This allows for related claims by the state that it has the most miles of highway ever. so, like, NC-lineans might take offense at your term.

bikesgonewild said...

..."so, bikesgonewild, other people in this class went out & did interesting & exciting things & have wonderful stories to share w/ us but you, once again have nothing to tell us except "i rode my bike" ???"...

..."ah, yep"...

Dumptruck said...

The weird metal object bolted to the stem in question 4 is part of a child seat (or a fuck-trophy palping accessory)

Fritz said...

"a kind of nosmic rape."

Gonna have nightmares from that mental picture

Anonymous said...

Fred re snerd and lady in thong was her mechanic using wet or dry lube?

Fred said...

re snerd lube, I don't know. If it were me, I would have worn the Tyvek hazmet suit I usually use for raingear when I ride my recumbent.

Anonymous said...

http://www.auto-press.net/thumbs.php?size=1&id=0869089001250224588.jpg

Anonymous said...

why bother riding? better off moving that hunk of junk around on a four wheeler.

Anonymous said...

Shirley Bassey says her view of Monte Carlo’s famous harbour has been ruined by Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich’s new yacht.

The singer paid an undisclosed sum for a clifftop home overlooking the harbour, but now she says the yacht is blocking her view.

The Daily Express quotes Dame Shirley, 67, saying: “What a ridiculous yacht. It’s big and ugly and new-fangled. It completely spoils my view.”

My favourite story of all time. Making a childrens book out of it as we speak.

bikesgonewild said...

...goldfingerbangin'...

...just singin'...

Anonymous said...

I looked at Sheldon Browns cycling glossary for his definition of "fred" but it wasn't listed.
Go figure.
Maybe in the bike dictionary they should have Sheldon's photo next to the word. No disrespect intended of course.

Anonymous said...

sheldon started the fixed gear ss craze. can freds be visionarys?

urchin said...

Hi, still reading as always, but thought I should stop in and glower.

You disgust me...

NPJ

Anonymous said...

does anyone know how to use powerpoint?

Anonymous said...

Saw the dorkult on lafayette st. Looked at the bikes but didn't want to linger they all seemed too eager to catch your eye and answer talk
I'm sure that if the 'nonplussed' knew who was taking their picture, they would put on their puppy dog love eyes and show their teeth
stay anonymous

Anonymous said...

i agree. i thought they already launched those bikes anyways, like 3 times already. are they following the di2 van?

what are they doing? hoping customers can pressure dealers into buying them? Globe make skate shoes. (well i doubt they make them.)

Anonymous said...

the big question IS. when exactly are Specialized and Shimano cutting out the dealers and launching direct sales.

Anonymous said...

the big question IS. when exactly are Specialized and Shimano cutting out the dealers and launching direct sales.

Anonymous said...

why isnt there a "smoking gun" type website for the bike world?

barry mont blonk said...

hey, this thing dont move as fast as twitter.

Graeme said...

Snob whose saddle would you snerd?

Anonymous said...

"The only female Nishiki rider in the world, that's who".

--David Mamet.

Patrock said...

The answer to #4 is that it is actually a child seat mounting bracket for an IBert http://www.ibertinc.com/theseat/

I've installed tons of those crap piles.

dirk diggler said...

baby tell me one more time.

Anonymous said...

Specialized

LEMM INGS

Anonymous said...

innovate or die

http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=443740

Anonymous said...

That funny mettle thing on the front piece where the handlebars screw on is for a child seat.

Anonymous said...

does anyone know what RTMS stands for?

Shawn said...

5) Why can't these riders remember what day it is?

Carefree...Maybe its like their totally awesome Compression Tube Socks!

catei said...

Try
Quiz
.. it is better than many quizzes in my opinion

bikesgonepsychotic said...

...any relation to Bo Snerdley?...just askin'...and of course...fuck off...

guanoboy said...

thought you should see this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fir6neas6I8&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fbedazzled.blogs.com%2Fbedazzled%2F2009%2F08%2Falex-marco-the-bike-scopitone.html&feature=player_embedded

Anonymous said...

CLICKS for B G M for identifying the stem mount thing!!

Choy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Choy said...

I love your blog, even though I represent everything you hate.
For one, I own a republic bike. Haha.
+1 blog follower!

Anonymous said...

rtms is like atmo. cept it aint in urban dic.

Anonymous said...

The question on everyone's mind: are you going to comment about the banff scene crashing squirral

Anonymous said...

Nice going Birdshitboy

Did you read the post?

mikeweb said...

Dang!! That toursbybike guy is in the Astor place Globe-a-rama photo also! I think Snob was stalking him...

Salty Seattle said...

I confess, I sing too. On longer rides, it's usually the theme music to "American Flyer", though recently it changed to Chevelle's, "Send the Pain Below". How can you not?

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