Friday, June 5, 2009

BSYNC Friday Fun Quiz!

In Wednesday's post, I posited that perhaps "hipster" bikes are not the best choice for longer road rides. Well, it would seem as though at least one self-professed hipster agrees with me. I recently received an email from "The Bikefag," who has written what is (at least to date) the definitive guide to "Hipster Road Biking:"

I'm sure you will agree that useful information overflows from this article like an overweight hipster's muffin top bursts forth from the waistline of his or her skinny jeans. (Yes, there is such a thing as a male muffin top, though it should not be confused with a "hairy muffin.") And speaking of muffin tops, I was recently perusing the site "Muffin Top Mayhem" (it's where I get the bulk of my news) when I discovered what very well may be the World's Most Pretentious "Tramp Stamp:"

While some might argue that a Biblical quote is more self-righteous than it is pretentious, I think most of us can agree that it is significantly more pretentious than this.

That said, without any further debasement, I am pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right, you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see this inspirational video, courtesy of the Metal Inquisition blog.

Oh, and while there's no time limit for this quiz, if you'd like to make your test-taking experience "epic" you might want to apply one anyway. I suggest using "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" as your timer; not the seventeen-minute Iron Butterfly original, but rather the unfortunate and embarrassing three-minute Slayer cover version. (I'm not sure what Kerry King is holding there, but it appears to be an Iron Skunk.)

Thanks very much for reading, and ride safely and epicly this weekend.


--BSNYC/RTMS





1) Bad news for hipsters! A recent MSNBC article warns that skinny jeans can cause:

--"Tingling Thigh Syndrome"
--tramp stamp fading
--infertility in males
--"Muffin Top Syndrome"


2) While some hipsters may be catching on to road cycling, fixed-gear food shopping may be the next big thing.

--True
--False



3) How many hipsters does it take to parallel park successfully in Park Slope, Brooklyn?

--One (the driver)
--Two (one to drive the car, and one to stand on the sidewalk and make sure the fixies don't get crushed)
--Three (one to drive, one to stand on the sidewalk and make sure the fixies don't get crushed, and one to download the iPhone parallel parking app)
--This is a trick question because it is impossible to find parking in Park Slope



4) An $80,000+ car covered with stickers is:

--A desperate play for "street cred"
--Even more obnoxious than an $80,000+ car without any stickers on it
--Probably a hand-me-down from Mom and Dad
--All of the above



5) Why is the orange bike humping the green bike?

--Because green chains are aphrodisiacs, like green M&Ms
--Because the green bike gave the orange bike that "come hither" look
--Because in New York City, cheap conversion trumps old three-speed
--Because in New York City people can often be inconsiderate




6) This is an example of:

--Epic dog-walking
--Epic unicycling
--Cruelty to animals
--Epic fenderlessness




7) Which is not an actual quote from a recent Cyclingnews review of the Storck Fenomalist?

--"Any unwanted flex is virtually imperceptible and the Fenomalist surges forward under power with an eagerness distinctly lacking in lesser rigs."
--"Rise up out of the saddle on the climb and you can feel the rear contact patch clawing into the pavement."
--"Fenomalist? Phenomenal!"
--"Short of an internal combustion engine it's the next best thing to a gas pedal."



8) Where was this fixed-gear complete with rabbit fur spoke pelts spotted?

--Outside a vegan cocktail party in San Francisco, California
--Outside a taxidermy shop in Mobile, Alabama
--Outside a faux "dive bar" in Red Hook, Brooklyn
--At an Elmer Fudd-themed alleycat in Minneapolis, Minnesota




9) This ride is "epic" in the:

--Rapha sense
--Homerian sense
--Wagnerian sense
--Slow and meandering sense




10) The sticker on the top tube of this cargo bike says, "The Revolution Will Not Be _________:"

--Televised
--Motorized
--Dignified
--Unable To Carry Things



11) In this video, what reason does the rider give for painting his rear Deep-V black?

--"I didn't want to look gay."
--"I wanted it to match my jeans."
--"Black is the radness."
--"My sponsor insisted."



***Special Bonus Extra Credit Philosophical Essay Question***


A reader in Germany forwarded me the above photos of unusual bicycles. Do these machines lend themselves well to "epic" riding? If so, what would an "epic" ride on these bicycles entail? Is one better suited to "epics" than the other? Is any ride on a bicycle like these automatically "epic?" And does the magnitude of an "epic" increase along with the likelihood of elbow abrasions?

131 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yeaahh

Cool The Kid said...

Podium??????

Anonymous said...

Stayed away!

Anonymous said...

Di Luca!

Damn breakaway...

mr donkey said...

donkey

c murder said...

TOP TEN!

ringcycles said...

Top 10! Haven't Hammonded in awhile

Astroluc (Find me on Tumblr and Instagram @Astroluc) said...

top 10!! but I got 4 wrong :(

RANTWICK said...

Hey everybody, you might want to express yourself a little on this this unbelievably stupid post.

There's a new There's a new Zack Colman in town...

hillbilly said...

so close to the money, ant1.

philosophy question is easy - no.

Other Side of the GW said...

You know you've got way too much time on your hands (supposedly) when you get all of the quiz correct.

Anonymous said...

fruits

mikeweb said...

Still circling...

ant1 said...

The bike on the left is epic in itself, therefore any ride taken on it will be epic.

The one on the right is just missing the tar and feathers. the only thing epic about it is the level of incomprehensibility. it's funny how the word incomprehensibility looks a lot like the "bike" itself.

Luck E. Seven said...

Man, I've got an assload of reading to do...



A

rezado said...

VEGE TALE

mikeweb said...

hillbilly, anonymous placings don't count - ant1 finished 2nd

He's on fire this week!

RANTWICK said...

Vegan party - rabbit fur spoke pelt. Holy crap, nice one!

hillbilly said...

well then, in that case, hell yeah, ant1!

Anonymous said...

pelts are way more hip than spoke cards.

ant1 said...

I am on fire this week. My new doctor, i mean training program, is really paying off.

Anonymous said...

anonymous placings don't count

To the anon posters, there the only ones that count

Anonymous said...

I must concede my victory, alas, I did not use my scroll wheel, I used shortcuts...

ant1 said...

rantwick - nice find.

red neckerson said...

drafting and smelling everbody elses farts

CommieCanuck said...

I thought tight jeans led to auditory disease syndromes causing a bizarre affinity to crap music and bad hairstyles.









oh yes, I'm bitter.

Anonymous said...

I have noticed on the manhattan bridge going home at night a new phenomenon. It seems to be a male cruising spot. All these fellows get off their bikes and seem to get together in the concrete niches off the bridge supports. Interesting.

rezado said...

A ride on the transformer mountain bike would be epic if you came across some decepticons that needed to be eradicated.

Robots in disguise...as a crazy mountain bike. Who would figure that out?

Anonymous said...

Is trying to first to post the way that fixed gear riders ride the internet posting sites?

Very foolish. Put brakes on it pals.

Anonymous said...

While the bicycle on the left exhibits extensive epic preparedness, the "bicycle" on the left is my personal choice for epic, because it places the rider in prime position for grasping the underbelly of a sheep in case of cyclops attack.

Anonymous said...

He said "scrollwheel"!

Anonymous said...

wait. the one on the right.

mattoidbunko said...

Essay Answer:

The epicness of a recumbent ride is measured by the number of low hanging obstacles you navigate yourself under during the ride (e.g. big-rig trailers, sewage drain pipes, railroad crossing arms/gates). It's limbo dancing for the new millennium - the lower the obstacle, the more epic.

ant1 said...

Speaking of robots in disguise - that's my trivia team name. And we got first place last night. Suck it anons! In order to embarass myself, I will let you know that we won thanks to my knowledge of michael jackson's bad album, which pulled us up from 3rd to 1st on the final question.

PEDO FILE

or

PEDE RAST

I'm sure you're all wondering what the question was, so in the spirit of the furdau fun qiuz:

MJ's Bad album is the only album to have 5 number one singles. Name them.

HappyLand said...

A "self-professed hipster" is not a hipster by the first rule of Irony.

My father would murder me if I ever put a stick on my yes-it-was-handed-down-from-my-parents Mercedes.

RANTWICK said...

Ant1 - Thanks! I liked your comment on it.

CommieCanuck said...

I think the thing about the tramp stamp is that this chick must be so boring in bed, she's being considerate and giving us something to read while we're working.

Still beats Celtic symbols.

C'mon girls, at least make them practical, you know, with instructions:
Push in, pull out, repeat.

Anonymous said...

"How did I do it" you ask? Well, it was simple:

Write text in text editor, copy.

Using Firefox
Control F and type "comments"

Keep refreshing

When the post shows itself, hit Control F again, hit enter, paste comment, publish...

Damn you Firefox, if I had IE, I would've had to deal with that stupid pop up box and got caught.

I blame the system, I had no choice....

hillbilly said...

wow, thanks rantwick, that's some level beyond moronic, time to repost...

RANTWICK said...

Hillbilly - I linked to it on my blog as soon as I saw it, and the more the merrier.

Anonymous said...

Best tramp stamp evar

ringcycles said...

Commie: Regarding the muffin top, that's what I'd expect an aethiest to say. To the faithful nothing increases the staying power like reading some scripture while getting to know her biblically. She's just trying to make sure she's in rapture before I even reach the pearly gates.

rezado said...

Bad.
The way you make me feel.
Man in the mirror.
Dirty diana.
I just cant stop loving you.

I cant believe you like Michael Jackson.

Does your trivia group meet every thursday night?

Anonymous said...

Sobeys!

Anonymous said...

So long as they stay out of the woods, I dont give a bear's ass what these kids do.

ant1 said...

Rezado - I was a fan of his when I was 10. I think he was a fan of me too. Things have changed since then. Although it's hard to argue with smooth criminal, or any of his earlier stuff.

ant1 said...

Rezado - we just realized a few weeks ago that our mexican restaurant does trivia on thursdays, so we started attending. We used to do it more regularly back in the day when I worked at mellow mushroom.

Anonymous said...

huh.

i used to measure time in in-a-gadda-da-vidas in high school (as a certain disco biscuit could attest.) i.e., i'll be there in one and a half in-a-gadda-da-vidas.

Anonymous said...

Anon 2:02, you gotta wonder if the guy getting that on his back was fucking the wife of the tattoo artist. "Yeah, this battleship is turning out great! You are gonna look awesome at the beach! Can't wait to show it to you..."

Anonymous said...

i'd also like to highlight that - popular w/ hipsters or not - american spirits are by a wide margin the best regular smoke you can buy

spellegrino said...

Some of the credit likely goes to the rear end. dirty.

german engineering is touted multiple times today...stickers or no

Seanywonton said...

I think you're supposed to dot the "i"s on the tatoo when you pull out. More direct hits = more points.

Seanywonton said...

Rantwick, thanks for the heads-up on the blog post. It's scary how typical that line of thought is among a lot of drivers!

Anonymous said...

Hammer it out, be a champion, haaaammer it oooout.

I'll be replaying this in my mind as hammer it out on the way home tonight.

rezado said...

Michael Jackson's music is good. You just have to disregard the person he is. It is hard to believe smooth criminal wasnt a number one.

Trivia at a mexican reataurant? Your team name should have been "yo tengo los gatos en el pantalones".

MEXI CANO

grog said...

I was still watching Dustin Hoffman when the music finished.
I was winning, but I'm a loser.
FUNK WHIZ

RANTWICK said...

Seany - I know some drivers don't like bikes, but I have to believe THAT kind of stupid it atypical...

RANTWICK said...

*is

Seanywonton said...

Luckily, a wrong answer only counts once or my score probably would have been in the negatives.

shmaltz herring said...

The "crucifixion" recumbent is epic in a biblical sense. But then again, my understanding of crucifixion was formed solely by repeated viewings of "Life of Brian."

Luck E. Seven said...

PASS!!


This comment surges forward under power with an eagerness distinctly lacking in lesser comments.


A

chewbacca said...

Hey BSNYC!

2 things:

1. the 7 eleven video... yep that cornball 80s sound is hip again! I saw a band recently at Union Hall that was a Style Council/DeBarge ripoff...

2. the guy with the unicycle... his dog is sad and petrified of people. his dumb way of walking the dog makes the dog nervous and upset. i have seen him snap at another person twice since i have moved to the slope this past january. i hope that guy gets ticketed or something...

hillbilly said...

it could be worse, we could be discussing this:

Thread: Bubble Yum is no fun
Date: Friday, June 05, 2009 12:13:40 PM
Author: Frustrated
67.244.73.20 Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 8.0; Windows NT 5.1; Trident/4.0; .NET CLR 1.1.4322; .NET CLR 2.0.5072
Riding through the city I ran through some chewing gum which then managed to become tangled throughout my spokes and brakes. Any ideas to remove this sticky stuff without harming components will be most appreciated.

bikesgonewild said...

...i have an epic case of faith no more...

kale said...

Leave it to Richard D. James to make a recumbent out of a crucifix.

ant1 said...

Faith no more fucking rocks!
"this next song...is a song...that has four letters in the title...and it starts...with an E"
What is it?
It's it.

Anonymous said...

is there a term for simply attempting to be epic? For example, I attempted to finish the quiz in slayer time but came up one question short of the arm pumping victoriously, beating the clock finish. one question away isn't total failure, but, also not epic, so what is almost epic?

Anonymous said...

i have snost and lost

ant1 said...

mehpic

O ' Bama said...

doesnt chris matthews of MSNBC news fame got the tingly thigh thing when he sees and hears the presBO ?

rezado said...

ant1,

EPIC

Anon 3:41,

Quasi-epic.

Bike Lemming said...

I enjoyed the accompanying article to "Tingling Thigh Syndrome". The image on the article had the alt tag "fit redhead in blue jeans"... nice!

Disgruntl Ed. said...

Robert Lewis Stephenson, kale?

Robert Louis Stevenson, perhaps? I didn't even recognize the name as you wrote it, despite eyeing it with the greatest suspicion. And then it disturbed my rest.

Also bothering me is the mystery of the tottering woman with a face full of metal who was waiting for a friend on St. Marks when the rider on the vintage bike rode by. Is this real, ironic, commercial, or some combination?

This week has been epic.

More madcap please.

NatMc said...

The sheer complexity of the bike on the left would lead one to believe at first blush that any ride involving it is epic. Upon further consideration, however, i think you'll realize that the bike is so unbelievably well-equipped that any and all obstacles -- emotional, physical or otherwise -- are immediately rendered trivial, making even the most epic of rides tame.

as for the bike on the right, the impossibility of forward vision mixed with the neccesity of canted riding due to the off-center riding position makes even the tamest of rides truly epic.

alas, epics are elusive: make a bike prepared for them and you will never find one. make a bike unfit for them and you are always on one.

ice cube said...

I've never been able to put a finger on "what" I was until just now. Hi, my name is 'Cube and I am a hipster bikefag. I hung up the fixie to go further and faster in this, the twilight of hipdom. I embrace you crabon forks! I am speed in lycra, I am he who shaves his legs, I am all that is sti! Absolve my sin of track bike riding in the city with your sweet stream of Goo and aerobottles! I am released of the shackles that bound me to smoking whilst cycling and alcohol consumption!! I am free! I am roadie!

Disgruntl Ed. said...

And furthermore...

Is a bicycle made out of a crucifix a velo doloroso?

washeduptmobilerider said...

I think its nice that girl gives me something to read while doin it dogie style. I'm glad its not a mural of the Virgin Mary like my ex had. The guilt almost killed me.

ice cube said...

oh yeah, I just hammered it out.

RANTWICK said...

Hey, I was so excited about that blog post that I didn't even notice I made the top ten! Groovy.

kale said...

Disgruntl Ed.

Damn, that's almost as stupid as when I misspelled aquifer every time in a graduate hydrology class.

There's always a crabon lining - I would have never found out who played "Security Guard" in The Thomas Crown Affair.

Hostile Makeover said...

Michael Jackson’s best musical work is as brilliant and well-crafted as his personal life is apalling. And his songs lend themselves to repeat and ridicule.

I wrote “Dirty Dianobol”, a song performed by the Muscle Bitches.

Thanks Michael.

S. Sotomayor said...

Why don't all you men go fuck off?

Fred said...

ant1 at 1:31
"it's funny how the word incomprehensibility looks a lot like the "bike" itself."

What are you, Ezra fuckin' Pound?

Actually, that was a good one.

bikesgonewild said...

...ice cube...that's why yer like a god to us...you understand & you are absolved...

...go forth & ride...& don't worry about placing 1st...

bikesgonewild said...

...this just in:-- "Former Tour de France champion Lance Armstrong became a father for the fourth time late Thursday."...

...that s.o.b. IS tryin' to make it a livestrong world...one kid at a time...

i'mjustplayin..ur..justsayin said...

hey bikesgonechild, what makes you think you speak for "us"?...and,um, how can you "absolve" any one?

i mean, other than your sexual proclivities, what makes you priest-like?

waiting to read more nonsense from you...

Anonymous said...

Does the guy in the red shirt on the unusual german recumbent look like Tolland Man or Otzi ??

Anonymous said...

Can you flog a fixie in Singapore or do they flog you for riding one?
I see VS dropped the ball on the coverage of the Tour de Taiwan. sigh. The boredom will not be televised, nor the (pedal) revolutions.

southpole said...

you guys rub pink deep-v's in your rear wheels while i'm german and slaying a smart diablo since 1997. hth

ps. if you need advice on beer i can give that, too. for starters, pabst blue ribbon (mentioned again in this post) is not beer.

Anonymous said...

Is that Mosher guy for real?

S. Sotomayor said...

I'm serious. You white people don't know shit.

Anonymous said...

Por qué no te callas, Sonia?

broomie said...

For the bike on the left the answer is every ride is epic, but that is because the bike is specially designed for epic rides. For this one, the ride doesn't start until you are dropped by helicopter into an exotic location. The bike on the right is purely for a single epic ride up to Calvary where the rider will give his life so that others may live.

Anonymous said...

"Hammer it out, be a champion" my ass. Later, I intend to grab the little lady and ... "Open the gap, open the gap."

Anonymous said...

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Disgruntl Ed. said...

And then, in the comfort of my home, reading that ass, I see that it reads "There is no limit to it's faith."

How could a person so defile her body?

Anonymous said...

So, are ya Chinese or Japanese, Kahn? What do you mean all your base are belong to us?

Fred Zeppelin said...

I am the epic rider of commenters. I came here perfectly prepared to read the comments and maybe add something, but then suddenly the ride/race got longer and crazier than expected. That is Epic. Epic is what happens when plans change by necessity, due to mechanical breakage, weather, bridge out, "I'm sure this trail loops right back to the car", or spam posts suddenly making the course a lot longer than you were ready for.

Ronsonic said...

Disgruntl Ed, Don't you know that God is not a fan of puns! http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/224128/april-09-2009/bart-ehrman

Anonymous said...

Lucky for us that you are an epic rider, Fred. Sometimes by this time of night the epicene riders come out.

Philip Williamson said...

Epic bikes. When the rent-a-cop on the left is shooting at the ancient Judean terrorist on the right, in the course of a middlin'-speed chase, then yes, their rides are Epic.

bikesgonewild said...

...yawn...

downtube shifter said...

ironic that the young folks have disdain for their elders, yet emulate their rides and style

lantern rouge said...

true dat

Anonymous said...

All the epicines in the piscene.

Anonymous said...

***NEWS FLASH***

Inside sources recently revealed that the Montreal 2009 women's race was ridden by a male in excellent drag. Racer Tylereena Hamilton was found out in the after race shower room when his rasin sized testosterone fried nutsack was unintentionally exposed.

http://www.cyclingnews.com/riders/2009/diaries/uswcdp/?id=uswcdp0906

Fred said...

It's all fitting together, metrosexual hipsters want only to belong to an epic-scene. Hence the tight jeans and play-acting.

What an informative blog this is.

Kater said...

Excellent misuse of the contraction "it's" in that tattoo.

Anonymous said...

Saw a guy delivering burritos in the West Village the other day.

He road a Stork -- so big he could barely reach the pedals. Whoever heisted it must have thought it was a cheap piece of crap since he hadn't heard of it -- didn't bother to tape or paint over the name.

Anonymous said...

I was going to make a similar observation, Kater. Surely you'd get it checked first...

no one said...

yeh dawg! sesh the burbs!

Anonymous said...

Now that's funny, because when I realized that I was at the top of the roadie hill, in my second half century and that my "LSD training" was really just a pleasure cruising and I hadn't actually entered a race in years I hung up my 70s steel and bought a fixie.

From Grant Peterson.

Anonymous said...

what is that new fixie with a small front gear. is that for climbing stairs.

why dont you just walk.

Anonymous said...

have you seen cycling weapons of mass destruction? its even worse than this place because its not ironic.

Anonymous said...

the next big thing will be fixie bromptons with all the folding parts welded.

Anonymous said...

I notice that the tight-jeans people are now riding mint condition banana yellow schwinn varsities but they never oil the chain.

Anonymous said...

I used to love my bike until I looked around at all the other people riding. I bought a car and now I feel a lot better.

Anonymous said...

With my car I can totally crush bicycles on the hills.

Anonymous said...

No really...I wait until they park and then back up over them and crush them.

Anonymous said...

I like to sell bike parts on craigslist, but only the ones with hard-to-see stress cracks.

Will P said...

http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/19672168/detail.html

Not sure if this might perhaps interest you or provide substance for hilarious commentary. Enjoy.

JRP said...

I Googled for 'triathlon photography' and found your site...
Well done!

Anonymous said...

Anon 5:47 -- Schwinn Varsities? I had one of those, my very first 10-speed, back in the day -- I'm an astrophysicist, and I'm reasonably sure it was the heaviest bike in the universe. Somehow, through the use of advanced composite materials like lead and depleted uranium, they got the thing up to 37 1/2 pounds!

Anonymous said...

yeah yeah i hate hipsters too theyre so dumbbb lets make fun of them for a couple years

Anonymous said...

@anon 10:15

now a hipster has it...and it will never see oil again.

Anonymous said...

my ninja 250 is lighter than a schwinn varsity I think.

Anonymous said...

uhmm... what item shows how much reflection went into that biblical tramp, nay, temple whore stamp? SPELLING!

Anonymous said...

car in #4 is probably owned by ghetto dwellers...

TexFlaTri said...

I'm the rider on the far right in the Saxo Bank jersey on Question Number 9. Thanks for making my day. We were riding to the annual Ride of Silence to honor a dear friend who passed away this year. I seem to recall feeling like the wind was at my back the entire ride that day. Glad you could be there.

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