Thursday, April 23, 2009

Nether Mind the Bulwarks: Awash With Bikes

Here in New York City it's been a rainy and windy spring. The last few days in particular have been wetter than a fenderless rider's underpants, so today's sunshine came as quite a relief. (It was nearly as refreshing as a change of underpants.) Between the sun and the post-Earth Day smugness hangover, the streets were teeming with all kinds of bicycle commuters this morning, and there was nary a wardrobe and equipment configuration that was not represented.

Yes, I knew early on it was going to be an ecumenical kind of day. As I made my way through Prospect Park, my internal monologue was interrupted by a "whooshing" sound. (My interior monologue is an endless loop of Garrison Keillor reading a Penthouse Forum "Letter of the Month" from July 1986.) An uninitiated person might easily have mistaken it for a washing machine on the rinse cycle, but I knew immediately that it meant I was about to be overtaken by a time trialist:


(Full-on TT setup complete with carbon wheels, teardrop helmet, and butt rockets.)

At the moment I took this photo he had just overtaken me and was working on closing the gap between himself and the person in the jeans and backpack up the road. (Though I'm not sure he actually managed to close that gap.) I subsequently checked the local race listings and could find no evidence that a time trial was scheduled to take place on a Thursday morning, so I can only assume he was striving for some sort of "personal best." I can't help thinking that there are better ways to attain your "personal best" than chasing people in street clothes on their way to work, but then again I'm not much of a time triallist.

A little bit later I encountered the inverse of the time triallist, which is the full-on commuter. Despite ample sunshine he was dressed brightly enough to make one of those raver glow sticks look like a four month-old carrot. Now you see him:

...and now you still see him, because it's impossible not to. At one point I swear he passed behind a bus and I could still make out a faint outline of him on one of those stupid Snickers ads.

Between these two extremes was plenty of "filler" in the form of mostly unremarkable people on fixed-gears, road bikes, mountain bikes, and hybrids. (Please note that I consider myself "filler" as well. I'm "pack-fill" when I race, and I'm "commuter-fill" when I commute.) As I rode, I couldn't help thinking, "What if one of these inexpensive, ubiquitous, 'entry-level' fixed-gears actually mated with one of those full-on TT bikes? What would such a thing look like?" Well, a reader must have heard my thoughts, because he forwarded me this:


This bike is nothing less than a revelation, and that revelation is that there is indeed such a thing as extreme mediocrity. If the stock Jamis Sputnik is "meh," then the yellow chain, the tri-spoke, and the aerobars are the italics. This bike isn't "meh," it's meh. Don't get me wrong--as "filler" I am a tremendous fan of mediocrity and mediocre bikes. However, while I feel there's a certain dignity in being unremarkable, there's a certain absurdity in painting pinstripes and installing a spoiler on that mediocrity. Really, it's an affront to the rest of us. It's like Chili's suddenly adopted a strict door policy.

You really can't blame people for tarting up their bikes, though. Now that bicycles are officially part of the popular culture the right bike is sure to get you noticed. Just look at this "Missed Connection:"



cinelli cutie - m4w - 25 (boneshakers)
Reply to: [deleted]

Date: 2009-04-23, 12:44AM EDT


I saw you hop off of your amazing baby blue cinelli track bike (immaculate classic set up), and then I couldn't decide what was prettier, your little bicycle or you :)

Me: tattoos, black dickies... fumbling and trying to figure out what wouldn't sound corny.
Maybe you saw me almost drop my mug?

I don't really talk like this, but your hot! :P Next time, can I buy you a coffee? A Rebel Cruiser? A vegan cupcake?


The only thing more dangerous than italicizing mediocrity is sexual displacement. If you're presented with an attractive person and an attractive bicycle and you can't decide which one you want more, you almost certainly have a problem. Most likely if you suffer from this form of displacement you have a "bike porn" addiction too. Sadly, though, the field of velo-psychiatry is in its infancy, and the cure for BRSDS (Bicycle-Related Sexual Displacement Syndrome) is still quite primitive. It's a combination of aversion therapy and the old-fashioned way of punishing kids for smoking, which was to make them smoke a pack of cigarettes. Basically, if you're suffering from advanced BRSDS, they lock you in a room with a Jamis Sputnik and they make you have sex with it. While it's pretty effective, it's also cruel to both the patient and the Jamis, and there is talk of banning the practice. In the meantime, though, I'd warn you not to purchase a used Sputnik. If the price seems too good to be true, it most definitely is. That bike is damaged goods--and I don't mean it has a dent in the top tube.

Speaking of perversity, you may recall I recently uncovered a conspiracy whereby the City of New York is clearing the way for a Dutch city bike invasion by installing giant bike racks. Well, it turns out there's a simpler explanation for the giant racks. A commenter has pointed out that the MTA actually needed to raise the subway grates to prevent flooding, so they figured they might as well throw some bike racks and benches on top of them too. So it would seem as though there's no insidious plot behind them after all, and that the bike racks are just a bonus, right?

Well I'm not so sure. I find it a little too convenient that the MTA is so worried about flooding all of a sudden. Yes, we've seen plenty of flood-related subway service disruptions, but since when does the MTA care about preventing service disruptions? It seems to me that they may know something we don't. It also seems to me that there are certain people who know a lot about flooding. They also know how to protect themselves from flooding with dikes and levees, and they're also famous for their windmills, tulips, and wooden shoes. I'm of course talking about the Dutch, and it's obvious to me now that they're not just trying to flood us with their eponymous city bikes. Indeed, they're just planning to literally flood us. And when the waters come, only those with Dutch bikes who are sympathetic to their cause will be saved; the rest of us will be washed away.

Don't believe me? Well, check this out:



Bike-sharing? Freedom? Openness? Entrepreneurship? Tolerance?!? All those things sound evil to me. Clearly, we're about to fall victim to the Orange Menace:



These might sound like the musings of a paranoid person, but I'm not paranoid--I'm actually so completely delusional that my delusion resolves itself into perfect clarity. For this reason, I know that the Dutch themselves are just agents of the Fixed Gear Apocalypse, and that the coming flood will wash away all of those who are fixed of gear. I also know that Cape Guy, who I spotted this morning, is involved somehow, though I haven't yet figured out whether he's here to protect the fixed of gear or destroy them:



Either way, I think he may have found that cape in a Vermeer painting.

And once the waters recede, an apocalyptic battle between Dutch city bikes and Danish cargo bikes (as seen in this video, forwarded by a reader) may or may not ensue:

Yes, I have seen the future, and it is as horrifying as it is practical.

Then again, the present (or at least the recent past) is horrifying too, which is why we're teetering on the brink of destruction. And in these prediluvian times, what could be more emblematic of our excesses than these photos (forwarded by a reader) of a disgraced executive riding a Serotta?

I'm not sure which is more misshapen: Cassano or the bike.



Still, there are signs of hope. As a society and as a species, humanity is capable of wonderful things. Sure, we've made our share of mistakes, but we've also made tremendous advances in all aspects of life. To me, the most exciting advance we've made so far this century is the Tanita BC-558 Ironman InnerScan Segmental Body Composition Monitor, which apparently allows you to weigh different parts of your body separately:

Even if you're not a segmented invertebrate like an earthworm or a caterpillar, this is obviously tremendously exciting. Prior to this, it was very difficult to determine whether you needed to lose weight in your left arm only. This should help Cassano get some of the junk out of his trunk.

190 comments:

Anonymous said...

Tyler!

Not retiring yet...

Hans said...

first

Greg said...

podium?

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Ronsonic said...

Ron!st

Hans said...

well ok second!

Anonymous said...

Man, fuck your mamma!!

mikeweb said...

top 10?

Slappy said...

Top Ten!!

mikeweb said...

I spied some dude with an aero helmet exiting the Brkln Br last weekend. Can't tell if he's the same one as "butt-rocket" man.

BadBeard said...

Notquite1st!

Butt Rockets said...

Butt rockets!

Anonymous said...

now I see why you have an ironic orange bike. they are sending us these non-ironic orange contraptions in the same way that this planet was populated with telephone sanitizers etc etc.

Anonymous said...

13, read the whole damn thing.

Anonymous said...

Ok, enough with being a shill for SKS, fenders don't make a difference when it's dumping rain sleet or snow. All-weather commuting requires rain gear, which renders fenders moot. If it's puddle splashiness you're worried about, ride around them like they're a garbage truck in bike lane.

Anonymous said...

top 20...even with Fofnoving with the Schleck's

Anonymous said...

Hey, Yehuda! We miss ya!

JPB said...

BSNYC -

Perhaps the giant bike racks are actually intended to be mooring anchors for personal water craft in post-diluvian NYC.

When the flood waters wash away the impure and unrepentent, the remaining faithful will moor their newly-fashionable kayaks outside trendy coffee shops.

red neckerson said...

you talking to me?

Anonymous said...

Yeah Top Twenty and climbing !

Mongo Pusher said...

Twenny!

Anonymous said...

what an awful thing to do to a jamis

Anonymous said...

Let's see Danny MacAskill ride up a tree trunk with 3 car tires strapped to his bike...

mikeweb said...

Cool! A $300 scale is just what Cassano needs to figure out exactly which part of his criminally negligent, Serotta riding ass is the most overweight.

Serotta needs to offer Cassano a free new Meivici custom if he goes to Saratoga Springs to pick it up in person. Of course Mr. Neckerson and other pissed off US taxpayers will need to be present for the "ceremony".

Anonymous said...

That poor Jamis is painful to look at. Can't you sepiate that, Snobbie?

hillbilly said...

thanks anon 140, i feel like i've been fighting this fight alone for too long. i would bet the number of days fenders actually make a difference is single digits, and i'm changing at least socks and shoes anyway, might as well go full on

Fred Clydesdale said...

"with his wife of March 19"??? so even DISGRACED exeutives are allotted monthly trophy brides?

bk jimmy said...

Judging by all the bright yellow/reflective accents on that Jamis Sputnik, I think we can assume that the ubiquitous fixed gear and the TT bike actually had a 3-way with the full-on commuter guy.

d. fofonov said...

I am not trusting Dutch. I am reading somewhere that they are invading Russia at one time.

Anonymous said...

Oh dear lord, now there's two of 'em. Might as well just take a shower while yer at it.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Although we have not had a sighting of the accidentally ambiguous "your gay" in these parts in quite some time, we did have a "your hot" today.

Benches on raised subway grates? I mean seriously, who would want a bit of respite while being flooded over by that unique and peculiar odor wafting up from the NYC subway system?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Fred Clydesdale, I am proud to say that I have a trophy wife, just not first prize.

Rantwick said...

Tanita BC-558... weigh this!

ant1 said...

I'll agree that the choice of components and accesories on the Jamis leaves a little to be desired, but at least the colorway is pretty sweet.

mikeweb said...

Yeah, those fenders I rock didn't do crap to keep me dry last Monday afternoon at 5:20 in Midtown. However, when I got home at least I didn't have to muck off 2+ pounds of road mud, cigarette butts and trackie rider beard hair grease out of my fork, brake caliphers and BB area.

Last I checked, all the crab fisherman style rain gear in the world won't keep the bike drier and cleaner. But hey, if you grab up a new Jamis every spring and let the old one decompose on a bike rack somewhere then I guess it doesn't matter.

Anonymous said...

Those scales are awesome! I tried one at Kona (there for work, not competing) and it told me I had the metabolic rate of a 12 year old. BOO YA!

ant1 said...

yeah, that's right, I used colorway in a sentence.

renders fenders moot said...

My name is the best.

AYHSMB

Suckas!

Sputnik Owner said...

Thanks, wishiwasmerckx. I like your theory of why my bike has funky aroma about it much better than Snobs.

Steven said...

We need teh lucky
Do you have teh lucky?

leroy said...

Whoa, wait a minute!

You mean Chili's doesn't have a strict door policy????

Hmmmmph. It must have been the baggy bike tights.

I guess I should have realized something was up when they poduced a velvet rope for me to stand behind.

Renders Fenders Moot said...

I am soooo proud of myself.

Anonymous said...

Renders: that makes one of us.

hillbilly said...

fenders save you a little work. i'm spraying down my bike anyway after commuting through all that crap. i'm not saying they don't serve a function, just not, in my opinion, a "must", and i find it funny that snob and posters here who are very picky about unnecessary crap on their bike consider them necessary.

ps - please, nobody from portland write the inevitable "if you lived here" message. i don't.

Anonymous said...

So i'm thinking of skipping the Giro this year to concentrate on the Thor de France.

Anonymous said...

The full-on time trial guy is from Park City. He just moved here. He's friendly. He's downtoearth. He's confused. He'll soon learn that New York is filled with bitches.

hillbilly said...

and mike w - you seem like a reasonable guy, but by your logic, why not just cover your whole bike in something? or rock a chainguard? there are plenty of other places you'll still have to clean

mikeweb said...

Snobbie, was Hi-Vis commuter man also rubbing multiple flashing LEDs despite the glaring sunlight?

If so, he was probably just pre-emptively repelling any epilectic drivers out there...

Anonymous said...

Anon 1:59, you misunderstood the results. They found that you have an unhealthy attraction to 12 year old boys.

Anonymous said...

hillbilly,

if you lived in Portland, then you'd...wait, what? No one cares where I live? Awwww.

Anonymous said...

Just like blog podium chasers, if you hang in there long enough dumb chance will shine on you. So it is with Team Fatty - my very own BSNYC lounging smock is on its way.

More fun than that first comment post last year.


BSNYC, as a native New Yorker I had hoped for a chance to ride with you and then I'd have treated for dinner at the Old Homestead. Oh well next in NYC.

AYHSMBSNYCLS

Veloben

Surly Bastard said...

You're looking in the mirror, Red.

11 yr old girl said...

What's unhealthy about an attraction to 12 year old boys? DO they have cooties?

mikeweb said...

True, h-billy. Where I live though I don't get access to a garden hose or else a good place to clean the bike off. At least I get to keep it indoors though.

Plus i have a couple other steeds without fenders, so I like to have the fender option on 1 of 'em anyway.

Anon - 2:07, LoL! True. I learned that after a coupla weeks.

NatMc said...

Jeez snobbers, maybe the poor guy was TRAINING for a time trial. Maybe the rider in jeans was his coach, luring him forward with the bikeporn stashed in the backpack.

[use of capitals is not intended to imply a raised voice, but rather a slight emphasis, such as that normally achieved with italics]

ant1 said...

Damn you Veloben!

Anonymous said...

Anon 2:10
How can it be unhealthy? I've never been surrounded by so many Type A's in my life. I even stopped smoking that week.
Prior to going to Kona, I said "shit, I can do one of those (triathlons, not twelve year olds)"
After watching..."why the fuck would anyone want to do that?"

Rent Moots Fender said...

So, hillbilly, you want me to take the fenders off my bike? Is that it?

wishiwasmerckx said...

So, who won Fatty's "Meet the Snob" raffle, already?

Udder said...

I think the time trialist that passed you was Tyler Hamilton. he has been reduced to that.

db said...

Ok, enough with being a shill for SKS, fenders don't make a difference when it's dumping rain sleet or snow. Yes, yes they do. They keep a lot of the wet, sticky road grit created by said snow and sleet out of your drive-train, which means you don't have to clean the bike after every ride. Maybe that's your thing. Not mine.

So OK, enough with the anti-fender screed. You don't like them, they're not to your tastes, whatever, fine. No need to make stuff up, though.

ant1 said...

So now that we know where everyone stands on fenders, what do you all think about gibsons?

MINGUStheMECHANIC said...

I'm all screwed up, I'm about to put fenders on my cyclocross equipped w/ disc brakes.

Those landspeeder racks will be very appreciated by the homeless next winter, maybe you can tip them to watch your o'julius.

kale said...

not funny ant1...

Anonymous said...

snobby, this apocalyptic conspiracy theory of yours is getting pretty complicated, I think maybe soon your readers mike like to see a map. At least this one would.

ant1 said...

kale - I know, just had to do it.

Four-Necked Axe of the Apocalypse said...

Nirto Rulz!

kale said...

I'm sure that fenders are useful. Why would all the foodengers put those THE MX-style fenders on their bikes?

They're out there every day - the heroes of the General Tso.

Earlier anon said...

Might not mike, spellingsnobs

hillbilly said...

love em, i have a 1952 ES-135

Anonymous said...

I know a guy with a serotta, it is titantium and custom. he rides alot and it fits him pretty good. he has one bike, I have 7, none as nice as his. who's the dumbass? by the way, fenders won't do jack squat against the horrors of airborn shit-sprinklers they got outside chapel hill.

Anonymous said...

ant1,

Holding a 335 over your head while riding will keep you a bit drier than a tele , but won't do squat for one's drivetrain.

hillbilly said...

my neighborhood must be shittier than i thought since my main reason for not putting fenders on is i got sick of replacing them when people (i'll blame the children) kept snapping em off

kale said...

I think of my fenders like a condom - yeah they're good if you want to play it safe and smart - but sometimes you just gotta take 'em off to see what you're missing.

Anonymous said...

kale, you take 'them' off?...dude, you are supposed to put only one on.

mander said...

Of course you're going to get soaked on a long ride in heavy rain no matter what extra crap your bike has on it (full fairings aside). But heavy rain isn't the only type of inclement conditions. Fenders really shine any time that the streets are wet but precip is light-to- nonexistent, and you aren't riding more than a few miles. They make the difference between getting soaked and gritty, and staying clean and dry.

Anonymous said...

Some of us are not quite ready to own our fetishes, and it's good to sometimes have an excuse to change underpants several times in one day. So ease up, okay?

Anonymous said...

Nuff said about the fenders...

http://bicyclespecialties.blogspot.com/2009_01_01_archive.html

Get familiar!

kale said...

Anon 2:49-

One for each fist, jeez. I'm not stupid.

Anonymous said...

Nothing is sexier than a skunk stripe down the back of your "serious rain gear".

BikeSnobNYC said...

Fender Haters,

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! I find fenders make a huge difference in almost all non-dry situations. Yes, there are such things as fender moot-rendering conditions: they're called lakes. Palp or palp not, but I shall continue to be smug about fenders.

--BSNYC

PS: I palped a fenderless bike today.

bk jimmy said...

Anon 1:40 & assorted fender haters,

All-weather commuting requires rain gear, which renders fenders moot.That's a great point, especially in monsoon season. But on all those other days when it's just raining a little, or it was monsooning but stopped, or it snowed yesterday but it's sunny and thawing now, I would rather not have to dress up in fender-mooting all-weather rain gear.

On the Gibson issue, I have a Japanese imitation Les Paul, which says "Shiro" on it. I think that means "white" or "wolf" or "white wolf" or something. It's kind of crappy and never quite in tune. That probably doesn't really answer your question.

hillbilly said...

mander - as i said a long time ago, you just described a handful of days, tops. i never said useless, just not worth it to me for the other hundreds of rides per year.

Joe said...

Rain gear with no fenders is like rubbing underwear with your cycling shorts.
BOO YA!

maryka said...

Just so ya know, Dutch bikes aren't fixies, they're singlespeeds with coaster brakes, like you and me and every other kid in North America had as a kid. They do weigh about 50 lbs but they're remarkably comfortable to ride once you get them going. I think inertia is the major point of them, judging by how many Dutchies run red lights.

Shram said...

I told myself I'd stay out of this one, being one of the most stupider debates I've ever heard, but I have to ask: what's so difficult, once they're on, about palping fenders? Even if they're only good a handful of days a year. Is it the weight, or the looks, or what?

ant1 said...

bk jimmy - maybe it means lone wolf.

ant1 said...

Fenders give some bikes a classier look. Plus, passing a trigeek in full areo pose on a bike with fenders adds a little extra fuck you to the situation.

...just sayin'...

...where the fuck is BGW anyway? hope he didn't pull a kwall...

Renders Fenders Moot said...

I am 100% certain I am going to live forever.

Anonymous said...

kale, oh. I always keep a rucksack in my wallet, you never know.

hillbilly said...

joe - no, it's not at all like that.

shram - you couldn't be more right that this is a dumb argument, i apologize for my part in it (although for once i wasn't the first to comment) .... If I had more bikes I would definitely palp the fuck out of a fender, but the 2 I have are both used for racing as well as commuting and it's just not worth it to me to put em on and take em off, and in the past anything i've put on a beater that could be taken off easily is swiped, and if not easily, than broken, and ultimately not worth it to my cheap ass to replace. and i haven't ever missed them one bit.

Joe said...

Hillbilly,

Why don't you just rub some fenders on your commuter? Don't you ride in the rain? After the rain? C'mon, nothing is nastier than getting spray when you don't need to.

Fenders also make you stronger. Think of all the drag it produces...ride with those babies and you'll be flying on your racing bike!

Not rubbing fenders on your commuter is like showing up for the club ride in jeans and causing a crash at the back of the pack when the pace goes up.

BOO YA!

Skipper said...

Here ya go! Renders bridges moot. Even appears to be a fixie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgSajTZkR1E

hillbilly said...

that's a bad thing?

(shit, i have shown up in jeans)

Luck E. Seven said...

Nice one today Snob.

Comments = Meh.


A

hillbilly said...

and yes, i ride in the rain, and snow, etc....just take a zen approach, embrace it, get fully filthy, and fully clean yourself off and change, none of this half way crap. anyone who thinks those fenders mean they don't have to clean up has a girlfriend and coworkers who thinks he's dirty and smelly (not that there is anything wrong with that)

hillbilly said...

yer right lucky, and i blame myself, and will shut the fuck up now, let's go back to the post

ant1 said...

what was the post about again?

ant1 said...

99 and...

ant1 said...

ant100st!

What would Gert do? said...

'Meh' is not a word in Gert's vocab
in 89 he'd drop you so hard
you'd be wishing he was rubbing fenders...on a dutch city bike. probably drop you on that too, up alpe d'huez no doubt.

ant1 said...

testosterone?

What would Gert do? said...

Probably...then think on it a bit.

mikeweb said...

That amphibious bike is awesome!!

I wanna ride that thing across the Atlantic - or at least from Fulton landing to South St.

mikeweb said...

AND - mention of Rucksacks and Gert Jan-Theunisse in the same day's comments.

not too shabby...

Anonymous said...

ant1-

You're on fire today.. did you delay the Wednesday-afternoon session for this morning instead?

Anonymous said...

i miss fighting about fenders.

ant1 said...

I wish. Haven't had a wednesday in weeks.

Anonymous said...

Will that scale weigh and tell me the composition of my liver?

Jim said...

Fenders? Why does anybody care about putting guitars on their bike?

Sousaphones are far superior for blocking road spray anyhow.

SB said...

If you are a "fair weather" cyclist, you don't need fenders, but if you are a serious cyclist, and don't live in a desert climate, you really should have at least one bicycle with fenders.
Fenders by themselves won't keep you dry in a pounding rain, but they make a tremendous difference when you are riding roads that are wet from drizzle, recent rain, or snow-melt.

Even in hard rain, you will become wet with clean rain from above, but your body and bicycle will be protected from the mud and sand kicked up from dirty puddles and rivulets.

Invest Tools said...

i have never seen a bike with a yellow chain before. One day, i would like to have that bike.

Some Guy said...

One day soon, that chain will no longer be yellow.

broomie said...

I love kooky bikes, but for some reason this bike evokes anger in me, which has never happened before. Its usually the rider that offends me. Can sombody tell me why that Jamis pisses me off?

Anonymous said...

How about butt rockets? Do they help keep your underpants dry?

broomie said...

JBP,

Coffee shops on stilts!

broomie said...

I won a smock! Now I'll be impossible to live with while I twirl with glee in my daughter tiara, BSNYC lougning smock and low rise tri shorts!
Wheee!

effemm said...

Further evidence, if any were required, of the evil Dutch plans for world (or specifically NYC) domination:

http://www.meandmybicycle.com/profiles/blogs/bakfiets-1

kale said...

It's funny that any time fenders are mentioned here people take it so seriously. Like the sanctity of all commuters rests on the correct application of these "accessories". I mean they're nice and all, but they're up there with salmon-colored brake pads and red flashy lights as far as a done deal.

hillbilly said...

alright, i was feeling bad belaboring the point, especially since everyone was being reasonable, and then along came SB and reminded me why i was defensive about it, the "you really should unless you're a fair weathered cyclist" somehow pro fender types full this macho shit out of their ass. i am all weather, rain, snow, etc, just don't mind getting dirty and cleaning up. it's fine that you like them, there are really good points to be made for them, but, like helmets and abusing my liver and lungs, don't tell me i should do something, or that 'real cyclists' do this or that.

hillbilly said...

sanctimonious is a good word, thanks...this is the dumbest sentence i have read in a while


"but if you are a serious cyclist, and don't live in a desert climate, you really should have at least one bicycle with fenders."

Wile E. Coyote said...

I prefer to have two bikes with one fender, thank, you, very, much.

crimerider said...

do they sell yellow oil for yellow chains? will i then only get cute yellow oil chain smears on my gucci suit? my mind is blown.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Kale,

Those salmon-colored brake pads are for posers. Nothing works like chunks of real salmon. You've got to replace them after every ride, but it's worth it.

--RTMS

kale said...

Since the comments are so awful today I'd like to point out the august orange bike picture makes a great desktop background.

It's up there with NPJLRABS as far as classic images. There's pretty much nothing good about the bikes no matter how long you look...

Les Paul said...

A real cyclist would know who Sheldon Brown was, and would not presume to call him sanctimonious. Especially someone who does not know how to use the shift key.

hillbilly said...

touche, but that sentence is still sanctimonious. and shift keys are for woosies. any serious commenter knows that

BiZZiD said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kale said...

Snob,

I prefer Gefilte when I rub animal products, since it's stopping power works just as well on the rim as it does on the table.

Les said...

Extra points for not saying "Sheldon who?"

R U sher yer a hillbilly?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Kale,

Ooh, I think I might try gefilte front, lox rear come cyclocross season!

--RTMS

Anonymous said...

/\
||
No mention of hipster pussy needed...

ChuckyLuv said...

You'd think that there are some things we cyclists could universally agree upon, like fenders keep you less wet and dirty.

Maybe if I were riding down a pristine spring-fed stream I'd ride backwards, fenderless with my mouth open. Otherwise... {sigh}

Philip Williamson said...

According to Bicycle Quarterly's wind tunnel tests, a fender with a long forward extension that wraps over the top of the tire affords a small aerodynamic advantage.
Just started raining for the third time today, but hey, I've got fenders and a rain jacket!

Anonymous said...

KARA GOUCHER IS INCREDIBLE!!!!

Anonymous said...

fenders are for non tattooed woosies with breaks

Anonymous said...

If I hear one more thing about Kara Goucher I'm going to foff

Ivy Swing Travel Service said...

When will be Mr. Bikini on Bike?

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Toronto-ON/Hainan-Island-Travel/74072948359

ken e. said...

how many times will i resist the fenders debate.... (tipping point)

all you fender and break naysayers will, one day, literally eat shit. why defend idiocy?

Anonymous said...

hot damn, rucksacks and rivulets galore best day of my life

MountainJack Joe said...

Why do uneducated Southerners congregate here?

Anonymous said...

We tolerate 'em because they are fun to watch. Everbuddy got to be somewhere.

jolene said...

you are rong joe we is at the library ware ther is bookes is you at the library i dont thank so

but we aint nerds if you want to thank that we is smart becus we dont want to pay no goddam money fer those tubes of internets to get plugged in to our resdence i herd that there was some free reddio internets that is can be got from our looser naybors the once that work at the walmart electrawnics but i dont have no internet reddio

well time to get back to cuttin me some dasy dukes for my summer clothes boy howdy reds gon like the way my rucksack looks in these

Cognorant said...

I know right? Those Snickers ads are sooooo lame!!!

Anonymous said...

So if I were to move to southeast Asia would I only sport fenders during monsoon season? I need to know this information as I do not wish to offend southeast Asain sensibilities. Thanx


Sign Me: Dr. phILL

Superman said...

Professional Cyclist Loves Pie Plate: http://www.cyclingnews.com/photos/2009/apr09/flechewallonne09/index.php?id=/photos/2009/apr09/flechewallonne09/Par2517737

Anonymous said...

In the day.. I got a new silver Cinelli SC, from Fritz, a pure road bike, yeah? It came with fenders, 2 front and 1 back,in a separate box. I still have the itsy one that fit from the fork forward, BUT I never put them on the bike, tubulars and fenders were 2 different mindsets.
Rain snow sleet muck dung NEVER

sprider said...

Uh, I don't know what fenders you run/rock/roll, but mine are very easily removed from any bike I choose to run them on. Moot point, fenders when it's wet, take 'em off when it's dry. Even Red could figure that out.

Don't ever try to run Gibsons, unless, maybe, it's a Flying V.

Renders Fenders Moot said...

There was fresh horse shit on the street. I bunny hopped that shit. Then I saw cops on horses, riot gear and everything. Where's the riot?

My life is superb.

Renders Fenders Moot said...

150! I am excellent!

Anonymous said...

Big controversy down at Kafukkski, Kafuukski & Kafhukski Publishing over the fianl title for the Hamilton Armstrong bio.

It is a toss up between "Marblehead Meathead" and "Meathead Marblehead"

stay tuned to this space for further updates on this situation . . . .

Jay said...

That orange Dutch thing looks like a moped minus the mo'. I'm sure it rides the same as if you were to pedal a moped too.

आदिती said...

Congratulations! You are in 'Blogs of Note'!!

I.P. said...

For some reason I really love the mental image of Garrison Keillor reading a Penthouse Forum letter, that is just the type of programming I would love to hear on NPR.

Anonymous said...

Gold.

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Fell On Earth said...

So with Dutch revisionism coming to New York City, are they going to revert to the original name of New Amsterdam? Also, are the anticipated flood tides another sign of the impending Fixed-Gear Apocalypse?

Fell On Earth said...

Oh, also, I frequent a certain website of renown (and bike porn is quite prevalent among some of its members), however I digress. I came across an another alarming sign of the Fixed-Gear Apocalypse, this time it was inadvertently linked to the 2012 conspiracy. Check it out, OMG APOCALYPSE 2012!! There was a rotating ad in the upper right and it happened to have a Chrome Bags ad (of course the model was riding a fixed gear in an urban setting).

I've snapped a screen shot which can be found here for all to enjoy.

blessingsgoddess said...

You're brave riding in such a busy environment as NYC !

Anonymous said...

Underpants are overrated. I refuse to wear them.

MJ Klein said...

i added fenders to my Giant MTB because i was tired of spitting out all that funky crap from the streets of Taiwan.

ant1 said...

I went riding in the rain last night. No fenders. What's my point, you ask? I don't have one. I was just riding in the rain. Last night. Lost a water bottle on a speed bump at the bottom of a hill too. Didn't stop to pick it up though, as the final hill of the ride was fast approaching and I didn't want to lose my momentum, or position. What an exciting night it was.

kale said...

ant1-

Time to tighten up your butt rockets cages.

And what are you doing drinking water after Miller Time?

Wes said...

This is truly amazing - a sack full of comments provoked by fender-love / rage. Just think how popular your blog would be if you didn't cuss so much snobby and included a little more family friendly content.

Ant1 - what kind of position - prone? (I only have 'guards on my 'bent.)

ant1 said...

I was confused. Made up for it later on though. and am paying for it now.

ant1 said...

Wes - I was in the lead. I'm sure you know how important it is to win one's local thursday night city group ride (almost as important as the BSNYC comments race). Since I don't commute by bike, I have to find other ways to triumph over people who don't realize I'm racing them.

Bill said...

fender fender fender fender fender fender fender fender fender fender fender fender fender fender fendernofendernofendernofendernofendernofendernofendernofendernofendernofendernofendernofender

more importantly, why does the crossing guard at delancey intentionally try to kill me by waving cars left even as she blatantly looks right at me coming straight through the light? every day?!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Invest Tools: Never seen a bike w/a yellow chain? You mean to tell me that you have never seen the beloved Specialized Langster NYC Taxicab special edition?

ant1 said...

I say we settle the fender issue by agreeing that one fender is the way to go. Front wheel for the dudes, rear wheel for the ladies.

Gisoft said...

Great work..

Seanywonton said...

Hey Ant, that scale is perfect for you! You can finally measure the weight of your "trunk"!

In other news, I forwarded that Danny McAskill video to a lot of people including my girlfriend. Her words: "That is Sexy!" So I guess I wasn't the only one to think that.

I also went back to some other youtube vids from him. They were good, but nothing as mind-blowing as the one posted here. It seems like he's just totally blown up in skills over the last 6 months! At least from what the videos show.

ken e. said...

such a convincing argument! thanks bill, i concur. sorry hillbilly.
and i'll add my roadbike looks idiotic with the "strap-on" fenders.

not as stupid as that orange thing.

ant1 said...

He probably got on some new doping program. I hear Roche is developing a new drug that enlarges testicles. He must have gotten some preproduction samples.
Speaking of balls: why does Danny McSkillz (Chuck Norris in original joke) not have hair on his balls?













Hair doesn't grow on steel.

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ringcycles said...

Snobbie: I think your therapy for BRSDS was thought up in a Russian gulag. Come to think of it, aren't Jamis Sputniks manufactured in Siberian labor camps? We've come full circle and Red maybe right about you.

mander said...

I want my Firdry Frum Quax!

mander said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alhioro said...

Wow... we too have some ineresting fotos about bikes on www.jciyouth.org

Ron said...

BSNYC :

The Tanita Unit does not "weigh" the different parts of the body like you mentioned. You didn't follow the link you posted. Also, this thing has been around for sometime and Velonews has been pretty late picking it up. Do they follow the Australian Standard Time?

Anonymous said...

bike riding jack ass
falls into the noon gutter
and kicked by children

greenpeace said...

good article bro .....
i like cycling to, with cycling we can increase air polute.
in my country, Indonesia, air polute is a big problem, my goverment make a bike project, we call "bike for work". it can solve the air polute problem ....

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