Thursday, March 26, 2009

Anti-Veloism: Weird, Creepy Bike Hate

(seen in Norwich, England)

Obviously, not everybody likes cyclists. In fact, lots of people actually hate cyclists. If you ride a bicycle you've undoubtedly experienced the sting of anti-veloism at least once. Some anti-veloist attacks are fairly straightforward, like when an irate motorist yells at you for being "in the way." Others though are downright bizarre, and can be so strange that instead of being angry you just find yourself confused. A reader recently forwarded me an instance of the latter from Madison, Wisconsin.

In this case, the anti-veloism took the form of a skit on a WJJ0 99.4 radio program, and you can listen to the skit here. Basically, some guy with a goofy Harry Shearer radio voice says he's sick of bicyclists, or "spandex cowboys." He then segues into some skit which is a parody of a hunting show, in which the host goes to the "Wisconsin Bicycle Trail of Death," where he kills bicycles instead of deer "because we feel they're flamers and they should be shot at!" He then launches into some weird homoerotic reverie in which he positions himself near someplace "gay and retarded" because that's where cyclists like to congregate. Once he spies some effeminate male cyclists, he then shoots them and excitedly declares that he "bagged me a nancy boy!" Then the host comes back and says that "if motorcyclists...if we did what bicyclists do we'd be in jail and our bikes impounded." Then they go to commercial.

I suppose on some level this is shocking, and I suppose it should make me angry, but it really doesn't because it's just so weird. Firstly, whoever made the skit seems to have some intense obsession with homosexuals, and I get the sense that he hates gays much more than he hates cyclists. So he's attempting to insult cyclists by saying they're gay. But there's nothing especially insulting about being called a homosexual. Anybody who called some punk kid a "homo" in the 80s was buying Nirvana and Green Day CDs by the mid-90s, and was flexing his brand-new tribal arm band tattoo at Lollapalooza while pretending to like the same bands that the "homo" punk kid was listening to back in the 80s. Usually being called "gay" just means you're ahead of the curve.

Still, for anti-veloists, equating lycra clothing with homosexuality is the go-to insult, so it bears examination. Obviously not all cyclists wear lycra, and those who do don't wear it all the time. But while lycra clothing certainly can look silly, I'm not sure why it's "gay." There are plenty of gay people in New York City, and some of them are quite proud of it and as such want to make sure everybody else knows they're gay too. These people do not dress up as cyclists or wear skin-tight spandex clothing. I have never seen a gay person walking around in full team kit without a bicycle in sight. But they do often dress as motorcyclists, which is what the host of the radio show claims to be:




Meanwhile, traditionally, skin-tight spandex is generally not used to express homosexuality. Actually, it's usually used to underscore heterosexuality. I'm not saying it succeeds, but take comic book characters, wrestlers, or 80s rock bands as examples. All of these things are supposed to be heterosexual:




Of course, not all 80s rock stars were staunchly heterosexual. Some actually did come to openly profess their homosexuality. But they didn't wear spandex or dress as cyclists. They dressed as motorcyclists:


So culturally speaking, it would seem leather and not lycra/spandex is the material of choice when you want to advertise your homosexuality.

Still, let's give the cyclist hunter in the skit the benefit of the doubt. Obviously there are gay cyclists out there, just like there are gay motorcyclists, and gay golfers, and probably even gay curlers (who may even curl while in full biker attire). But that simply does not explain the frequency with which this guy seems to encounter gay cyclists. After all, he hates cyclists. I like cyclists and I am a cyclist and I don't seem to encounter gay cyclists with any more frequency than I encounter any other type of gay person. Generally, when you hate something, you avoid it. This guy must really want to be around gay cyclists for some reason. And I don't think he wants to shoot them. I think he wants to shoot with them. It just makes me think of that Onion headline.

Certainly, if either the host or the guy in the skit has a gay cyclist fetish, they're not going to admit it. Certainly also neither of them ride bicycles themselves. But the host at least does claim to be a motorcyclist. And while he has no experience with bicycles, I do have some experience with motorcycles. Anybody who's spent any time on a motorcycle knows you encounter just as much crap as you do on a bicycle. In fact, in a lot of ways motorcyclists have it worse than cyclists, because when you're on the highway and a driver on a cellphone merges into you without looking, you're going 70mph, not 20mph, and the possible consequences are far worse. Nobody treats you any better when you're on a motorcycle than they do when you're on a bicycle.

So you'd expect a hard-core motorcyclist knows how tough things can be and as such might have some respect for cyclists. You'd also think that maybe the fact that The Great Trek Bicycle Making Company, Harley-Davidson, and the host all share the same home state might also help the host find common ground for his fellow two-wheeled siblings. But owning a motorcycle doesn't necessarily make you a motorcyclist, just like owning a bicycle doesn't necessarily make you a cyclist. It could be that, now that the weather's warming up, the host is just taking his gleaming Harley-Davidson out of storage. Perhaps it's even some fancy "factory custom." (I'm not sure how something can be a "factory custom"--that's like a fixed-gear freewheel.) Maybe he's even got some new chrome bolt-on accessories, like Maltese cross rear-view mirrors or knurled grips, that he's going to pay the local Harley dealer to install. Once they're on, he'll slip on his non-gay made in China official Harley-Davidson brand leather attire and ride for a couple hours on Sunday. On the way to the non-retarded, non-gay bar and grill where all the other local Harley owners go, maybe he'll encounter a hill, where he'll be forced to turn his knurled throttle grip a tiny bit to get around a group of gay cyclists who have gotten bunched up on the climb. This will obviously be tremendously frustrating for him, but he can take solace in the fact that they will be pounded by the sound of his "custom" pipes as he goes by.

Don't get me wrong--I have nothing against motorcyclists, even though when I see some of them riding around sitting on their flatulent bikes I can't help but think they're simply indulging some repressed desire to have people watch them while they go to the bathroom. And I'm not saying these radio guys are like that, but then again you've at least got to consider the possibility that they're exactly the opposite of what they say they are, which is heterosexual motorcyclists.

In any case, we all look equally ridiculous, so hopefully we can at least watch out for each-other on the way to our respective "gay and retarded" hangouts.

166 comments:

Anonymous said...

premier

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Anonymous said...

semi premier

Anonymous said...

top 10! OMGZ

Anonymous said...

No, I didn't read it yet.

First real comment...

Anonymous said...

ahhhh my daily does of snobbery... better than coffee! also top ten.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Just missed.

Anonymous said...

top 7, no way did I read that.

Mongo Pusher said...

Top Ten...!?

Anonymous said...

you all suck

jon k said...

motorcycle flatulence...oh man, I'm still cracking up

ant1 said...

That onion article is a classic.

Anonymous said...

Woot! Woot!

Banjo Fan said...

I'm disappointed that the snob did not pick up on the dueling banjos at the start of the radio segment. It seems to me that any association with certain characters in "Deliverance" does not help their case.

Marissa said...

You linked to my second favorite Onion article of all time. My favorite has got to be this:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33930

I bet James M. Kilts is so manly that he wears spandex-only three-piece suits to the office. And he gets there on a recumbent.

John Marr said...

The only possible response: "AYHSMB"

Mark Messier said...

All you haters suck my hockey stick

Anonymous said...

BikesnobNYC = Bruce Heffernan?

Anonymous said...

i'd love to meet you at a gay bicycling bar, bsnyc/rtms.

Johnny said...

Spot on Bikesnob!

mikeweb said...

I guess living in NYC I don't see much of the bike hate. I've heard that Texas is the worst though - basically the end of "Easy Rider" with bicycles instead of choppers.

Anonymous said...

Bike Snob = lance Armstrong

Anonymous said...

BikeSnob:

Beautiful response to these radio host haters. They seem to pop up every now and again--advocating violence against cyclists like it's really funny. I'm sure they'd love it if their kid/brother/sister/wife/husband was shot while riding their bicycle.

Bravo BikeSnob.

ringcycles said...

so close, yet so far....

wiswhiwasmerckx said...

Thanks a lot, Snob. Now I can't seem to get the Village People out of my head. "Young man, there's a place you can go...I say young man, when you're short on your dough..."

LoRoK said...

I rarely get harassed by cars. However, I do get fucked with by motorcyclists all the time, both the sport bike douchies and the biker types. Whether I'm in street clothes or lycra, doesn't matter. These people are some of the biggest pieces of shit on the planet. It seems that being a dickhead is a prerequisite for either of these groups.

Disgruntl Ed. said...

Certainly also neither of them ride bicycles themselves.

(sigh)

hillbilly said...

no worries ant1, 2nd is the new 1st

Luck E. said...

OK, how do you explain Freddy Mercury, who was openly gay and openly into spandex?


A

ant1 said...

Marissa - that was a classic, and it actually ended up happening.

broomie said...

I hate how this gay thing always get so weird.

My masseur keeps sucking my cock every week. I'm considering not going back.

Vegas Kid said...

On our most popular ride out of the city here in Las Vegas, the Harley riders purposefully "buzz" the bike lane, so that their mirrors come within a few inches of brushing you. Dicks.

Anonymous said...

A P
Y Y
H H
S S
M M
B C

libertyonbikes! said...

yeah,
sitting in a bush all day with some other guy, both covered in
deer piss to mask your 'scent'.
now THAT just sounds stupid,
and a COMPLETE WASTE OF A DAY.
what about,
dress up in spandex,
get a foam mat,
find another guy your size,
then hold onto him tightly,
throw him to the ground,
and get on top of him,
what's that?
oh yeah, in the midwest I think
it's wrestling.
I love the irony.

ringcycles said...

We get about 200,000 motorcycles in NH for a week in June. Most are very cool about cyclists. Its the pickup trucks and minivans who hate everything on two wheels that are a danger. Cyclists are unfortunately the bottom of the vehicle food chain. Ride as safe as you can folks....

kale said...

Maybe the gun thing isn't such a bad idea... I'm not saying I'd do it cuz I'm a pussy when it comes to going to prison for aggravated manslaughter, but I might be willing to reap the benefits of some non-woosies with firearms taking one for the team. I mean - just look what the Hell's Angels did for the overweight midlife crisis crowd's image.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Luck E.,

I have no explanation for Freddie Mercury.

--BSNYC

Bill said...

thanks marissa, that might possibly be, no, check that, definitely is, the funniest thing ever written.

libertyonbikes! said...

i think it's a safe assumption
those guys don't actually own
bikes.
at the most they're 'gold carder's'
the 40+ guy that snob described,
that only breaks out (rocks) the
bike on saturdays to the coffeeshop to be seen by all the
girls, who actually just laugh,
because he reminds them of their
dad, but creepier.
so jacked up on viagra you gotta
run leather pants to keep the
tent down.
just sorry, plain sorry.

Anonymous said...

ALL YOU HATERS SUCK MY TRIBAL ARM BAND TATTOO!!!

Luck E. said...

Hmmm...

Figured that one might throw ya, Snob. Ol' Freddy was also into rubbing bicycles and rocking fat bottomed girls.

Closet hetero?


A

Anonymous said...

One of your best, Snobbie!

When I worked in a motorcycle shop in the '70s, about 1/3 of our customers were openly gay and dressed the part--and not a square inch of spandex among 'em. They were, however, far more fit and "manly" looking than our hetero customers, who tended to the fat, flabby, and pale--as do the flatulent-Harley (and oversized pickup truck) types to this day.

Working now in the bicycle biz, I'd say male homos are underrepresented, compared to their 10% share of the general population.

Anyone can twist a throttle or push a gas pedal down. I had a friendly motorcyclist stop next to me in traffic a few days ago and offer to race (as a joke, of course). I said, "Sure, but let's leave both bikes behind and I'll race you on foot!" He got all wide-eyed and said, "Hell, no, you'll win by a mile." He was a good thirty years younger than I am too.

Keep it up, snobbie. Hope someone forwards your column to the pinheads at that Wisconsin station.

Jim said...

As a biker, cyclist and hunter who has capped numerous tasty animals and eaten them cooked in a variety of ways and who has also worn both lycra, spandex, and certain leather goods, I feel eminently qualified to discuss this subject. I'm reasonably certain that the radio host only rides a motorcycle so that he has an innocent-sounding excuse to explain to his wife why he has three sets of assless leather chaps hanging up in his closet, where he apparently spends a lot of time.

roomservicetaco said...

ATOC, Castilla y Leon, Contador wants support in the Tour...there's a new Indian pop sensation: Letle Viwin.

Anonymous said...

Gay is the new black.

Anonymous said...

That cat is a total homo.

grog said...

Correct: Freddie has his own special place.
I believe Mr. Harley and Mr. Davidson were Brokeback bosom buddies who invented a fabulous sit-down vibrator machine, then decided to put wheels on it. Audible flatulence is bonus.
Hate-radio disgusts me. AYHFMB

Anonymous said...

Hating bi-cyclists is fun and easy because they always wear stretchypants and are gay. but hey, at least they wear stretchypants, not like some mankini-wearing tri-sissies! they eat my dust when I blow past them...ask me about my ass less chaps, dear god! maybe I'm gay!

By the way, bow-hunting is never funny, since Steve Martin was clearly a sad victim of a non-lethal shot back in the 70s.

jolene said...

i ain no dike boy howdy but i will say i dont want no fags no more than i want comminists and terists go do that in yer own dam cuntry or calafor ni a and leve my daddy alone

thesufferist said...

Liken unto a scalpel with the dispatch. Way to be...

I'll bet those guys on the radio would be willing to crack open a couple cold ones and discuss the various subtleties of hipster/hickster/trend-ho/emo/new-goth revivalists fashion and culture with you.

Just sayin'......

Udder said...

I've always thought that aggressive or critical motorists (car or motorcycle) were deeply jealous of the freedom, fitness and playfulness that cycling brings.

It's a comparative thing. They're likely overweight and unhappy to be trapped in traffic in a 4-wheel box or sitting on a loud rattletrap that they have to make payments on for 5 years, while you breeze past.

Anonymous said...

Most of my episodes being harassed on my bike have all involved the gang of Harley riders. I was brushed off the road last summer in Southeastern MA., as they roared by laughing. I don't know or care about their sexual preferences, but I would agree these are the biggest dickheads around. I have cycled backroads for over 36 years and once you have more than a few of these fat slobs together they really start to act stupid. Beware and be safe.

Wes said...

Top post Snob.
"I love this site and have been jocking it for a few years now" - well said Kyle, fixed gear 9212. Something we can all agree with (except maybe Anon 2.11).

Anonymous said...

Libertyonbikes- now we hate on wrestlers and hunters too?

I'll add some fuel to the fire-
I am a mountain biker, road cyclist, I own a Honda CBR1000RR sport bike, a hybrid car(upgraded with a cone of smugness), and I practice Jiu Jitsu (plus a few other forms of martial arts, both striking and grappling). As retired law enforcement, I own a small collection of rifles, shotguns and pistols. And I'm gay.

I heard all the jokes. MTBers ripping on roadies, Harley guys ripping on sport bikes, blah blah blah. Gay or straight, in a gym setting there is nothing arousing about wrestling. It's strenuous and often painful in jiu jitsu when people are choking you or trying to tear your limbs off. Hunting is a hobby, no better or worse than any way you choose to spend your valuable time.

I think the main lesson here is to go easy on broad, sweeping generalizations.

g said...

While I don't want to come across as defending these asses on the radio, but the majority of them are just playing a part to get ratings. It's not these tools on the radio you have to worry about, it's the retarded, drones that take this shit seriously.
Just suggestin' is all

Anonymous said...

off topic, but here's a rather overblown craiglist ad for you guys to consider:

http://fortcollins.craigslist.org/bik/1093078858.html

yeah, the bike is similar to the bikes used by professional cyclists, in that it has two wheels and a seat, but will anyone really believe that it is "easily faster than a normal road bike"?

Anonymous said...

Great post. You will have me laughing at every overweight, WASP, yuppy that cruises by in their leather chaps and leather streamers. I may even give my ass a shake just to get a reaction, hopefully not of the vertical kind.

jflo said...

Can't we all just admit that if you're doing any thing fun, you probably look stupid?

Bandobras said...

As an internationally renowned psychiatrist I believe I can clarify these radio types for you.
They are obviously closeted, latent cyclists and fearful of discovery.
Therefore they denigrate the tribe in order to appear different.
As my good friend Bill said.
I think the bitch protests too much.

shmaltz herring said...

One day when I was a kid, I was riding around on my Ross 10-speed – outfitted with an awesome sheepskin saddle cover – when the neighborhood bully grabbed onto the back of my bike and tried to write "FAG" on my rear rack with a black marker. I managed to shake him loose and rode off before he could finish the "F". The whole incident had strange overtones, but I guess I was asking for it with that sheepskin saddle cover. I'm glad we have this safe forum in which to share troubling memories such as this. Thanks, Snob.

Anonymous said...

http://www.freewilliamsburg.com/archives/2009/03/snuggie_pub_cra_1.html

Anonymous said...

this was a hilarious post! but all laughing aside, if you're interested, you can file a complaint with the FCC against WJJO for inciting violence against cyclists and gays:
https://esupport.fcc.gov/sform2000/formE!input.action

WheelDancer said...

This has to be one of your best posts Snobby. I particularly enjoy seeing douche bags like that being field-dressed with a sharp pen such as yours. Way better than joining in the fray.

Best comment today by Jim "...innocent-sounding excuse to explain to his wife why he has three sets of assless leather chaps hanging up in his closet, where he apparently spends a lot of time."

That's some funny shit!

Anonymous said...

two weeks ago I guy stopped next to me at a stop light and suggested that I put a dildo on my seat, then called me a fag. really? really? what's wrong with these people?

nice post snob.

monty p

Anonymous said...

any response from these disc jockeys?

Anonymous said...

That cat is definitely gay.

Otaku Network said...

don't forget other wiconsin based cycling companies; hayes brakes, waterford bikes and saris/cyclops (which is also located in madison)

kale said...

Wheeldancer (Ines Brunn?)-

Second that...

not like there's nothing wrong with spending time in a closet or nothin'...

Isolation Helmet said...

Don't forget they are radio guys. This means that they don't have the looks for television and probably got beat up in school. They also never had girl friends and now that they have the airwaves they allow their hate of all things escape through their pie holes.

Otaku Network said...

this is the best onion article of all time btw
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39001

Dave said...

I live in Milwaukee, home of Harley Davidson, and I have had the experience of riding my bicycle among huge throngs of Harley Davidson riders. Every five years Harley Davidson holds an anniversary motorcycle rally. The last one in 2008 drew about 500,000 riders.

I've never had a bad experience with Harley Davidson riders. They're always respectful and keep their distance. One of them (not on a bike at the time) actually ran out in the street to pick up my rear light, which popped off as I was riding over a particularly annoying cobblestone intersection. So I've got nothing but positive feelings about motorcyclists. I haven't encountered them on an open road out in the country, however.

Anonymous said...

Brilliant.

Anonymous said...

"knurled," not "gnurled."

R. Zach Thomas said...

One of my best posts in a little while.

Massive, heaping amounts of props.

Anonymous said...

No, that's just Rob Halford's cat...
Anon 2:29 is definitely gay.

kale said...

Randy Hawke is a mountain biker?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 2:57pm,

Oops.

Dave,

Yeah, as I mentioned, I think the majority of real motorcyclists respect cyclists. Harley guys will usually give you the "low wave" around here, though obviously from people's comments that varies from region to region.

--BSNYC

bikesgonewild said...

...1st...to comment on that awesome, many horned bik-a-moose foto @ the beginning of the article......

...2nd-ly, after listening to that podcast, admittedly w/ a jaundiced ear but certainly not finding it funny, i tried to imagine who would be amused by it...maybe only the "bro's" in the studio & they sounded if not drunk, then at least stupid...

...3rd projection on the many pointed 'horns of a dilemma' theme...beyond the free speech issue, isn't that considered to be incitful behavior even though it pretends to use "comedy" as a vehicle of 'deliverance'...
...it only takes one moron to not "get the intent" & act on it...

...4th & counting...now bruce heffernan's 'onion' parody - "Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?" actually was funny & may have been written w/ guys like those radio jocks in mind...at least, as bsnyc/rtms suggests, it certainly seems to apply...

...5th-ly (phew), marissa's 'onion' link was not only funny but hugely ironic...as a cyclist who does shave his legs, i was honestly never satisfied w/ safety razors until i used a 5-bladed fusion...don't ask me why but it works like no other...

...6th & final prong on the set...what w/ shaving my legs & really missing ol' spandex-ed freddy mercury & queen, i hope nobody thinks i'm gay..."not that there's anything wrong w/ that"...

...so there ya go...i bagged me a 6 pointer while hunting for ways to express myself...

Dan O said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dan O said...

Being a long time motorcyclist and bicyclist - great post.

Overall, most of the people I've known through riding - both types - are super cool. You're gonna get some jerks mixed into any crowd though.

People who are psycho against bicycles have a few screws loose.

Pompous Windbag III said...

Anon 2:29 is absolutely right!

All people who make broad, sweeping generalizations are idiots...

Freddie said...

The only sort of harassment I receive on a regular basis consists of teens packed into an SUV who honk and yell out their windows to show their friends just how cool they are. I usually just smile real big and wave at them over enthusiastically.

The best is when I catch them at the next light, acting super dorky (it comes naturally), greet them with a loud WHAT"S UP DUDE'S AND DUDETTE'S?!?!?! And then proceed to ask them if they want to come back to my place and "hang".

The sheer awkwardness of the situation expressed on their young faces really makes my day.

Anonymous said...

No, THIS is the best thing ever on the Onion:

http://www.theonion.com/content/radio_news/researchers_discover_massive

Team Rider 3 said...

BikeSnob and J. Peterman today at Team Two Wheel Blog
Rider 3

PS - Still thinking about the Spokane trip, Mr. Snob?

Anonymous said...

Aww come-on, these guys are dopes, look at them, hardly anything more than the usual morning radio jock with more air time than available humor.
Wierd, yes.
Creepy, yes.
Malignant, no.

http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=288015238&albumID=509834&imageID=2278491

Sebastion Bach is the only one not a loser.

Pontius Pilate said...

Speaking strictly as the Roman governor of Judaea from 26 CE to 36 CE, this post slayed it. And by “it” I mean criminals and opponents of the Roman Empire.

The thing is, does anyone listen to the radio anymore?

Though I do admit that the prospect of WISCONSIN SOLID ROCK is intriguing to say the least.

Hail Ceasar -

P.P.

Giles said...

Ah, one time I lined up at a traffic light on my carbon road bike, then a moped pulled up right next to me... and right behind the two of us was a motorcycle. Everyone was wearing their quintessential garb--myself in lycra, the mopeder in birkenstocks and a polo, and the guy on the triumph in jeans and leather.

We glanced at each other and chuckled.

Two wheels are better.

Anonymous said...

All cops are gay

mellowvelo said...

One of your best posts ever.

Anonymous said...

So true...

Luck E. said...

BGW - I miss Freddie too. One of a kind.


A

Fierce Panties OMG said...

I've heard teachings that the Harley people are drawn to the loud flatulence of the engine because it powerfully vibrates the lower chakra.

The type of person who needs intense and continuous stimulation of their root chakra is a less evolved being.

The root chakra center is the maple bar which is tingling off the charts while with engine is running. And tingling ever more so pulling the throttle.

Anonymous said...

Bravo. Spot on, snob.

bloody knufuckyoules said...

dont you ever get tired of jacking off? My God. ok, so you are a "fucking good writer." who wouldnt be after writing some self righteous bullshit EVERY DAY? get over yourself and whatever point you are trying to make. outside of this circle you are as lame as they get.

Fierce Panties OOO said...

No, I never get tired of it...
What? Oh, I see. I thought you were talking to me.

Freddie said...

It appears that a certain radio host just got word of this post and decided to comment.

Matt! said...

BIKE HOMO

And best Onion article is this one: God Finally Gives Shout-Out Back To All His Niggaz

Anonymous said...

BFUK-

I heard Snob's actually pretty popular with the LGBTQ apologist crew.

Anonymous said...

VELO HOMO

Anonymous said...

BIKE DYKE

100?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Bloody Knufuckyoules,

Surprisingly no, I still enjoy it. Writing the blog is fun too.

Also, I think I'm just as lame inside this circle as I am outside of it.

--BSNYC

christopher lee said...

motorcyclists never break the law like cyclists do! it's not like there's clubs of motorcyclists on FBI lists and it's not like a certain club of motorcyclists were ever documented on film as being the source of several deaths and mass violence at a concert in the 1960s.
in fact, that can be said for the whole of motor powered transportation! i now see why i should be registering my bicycle! i am the source of all road rage, hit and runs, deaths by vehicle and all i can say is "thank you" to the motorcyclists out there keeping our streets safe and clean from faggots and cyclists! praise ford for revealing these truths to me!

frenchboat said...

some times I like to rub my seat on my butt
that makes me feel real gay so I
try to think about girls for a few minutes but
thinking is hard
and gay.

Anonymous said...

If Jens Voigt knew that drivers were trying to rub their metal phalli on a fellow (albiet woosie) cyclist, he would probably use his laser vision to make a great hanger steak.

Doug said...

Great one Snob........one of the best yet! I love it...........

The Slayer said...

Slew.

Slacker Head Angle said...

I dunno. I think BFUK sounds more like someone who drives around in a Mini, wearing assless chaps and a silly grin.

The Stayer said...

Stew.

libertyonbikes! said...

Anon:2:29

"a gym setting there is nothing arousing about wrestling. It's strenuous and often painful in jiu jitsu when people are choking you or trying to tear your limbs off. Hunting is a hobby, no better or worse than any way you choose to spend your valuable time.

I think the main lesson here is to go easy on broad, sweeping generalizations."

- only said, to cover one's self
in animal piss and sit in a bush waiting to shoot one is a total
waste of one's day.
-and just stupid
-wrestling is different than Jiu Jitsu for one. my point was, all the stupid comments you hear through highschool from someone
on the wrestling team - guess they
never took a good look in the mirror. don't tell me there's any enlightenment in that lockerroom.

I guess it's good you don't own a fixed gear with all the broad, sweeping generalizations.

I will go on the record and say guns are stupid too. I'ld rather
get mugged by some guy using Jiu Jitsu than a punk ass fifteen year old with his uncles .22.

frilly said...

Snobby, let me know if you need help with item one.

bikesgonewild said...

...i thought it rather self-effacing in that bsnyc/rtms's reply to 'bloody knufuckyoules' didn't bother to mention the upcoming pulitzer prize for best on-line blog writing...

Anonymous said...

That cat is like totally tough. Would really like to hang with it, not in a weird way or nothin' -- you know what I'm saying, a few beers, maybe arm wrestle ... nothin' gay or nothin'.

Surly Bastard said...

Great post today Snob. Also enjoyed your premiere article in Bicycling which came to the house by surprise today ... congratulations on the smooth move to being a monthly columnist, that's a trick!

Here in Michigan motorcyclists are pretty cool. Riding through town last summer I was getting the shit from a carload of kids. Stopped behind them at a light two really nasty bikers (these weren't accountants on factory custom Harley's, these were guys riding dirty chopped English twins and filthy colors) bracketed me at the light - me wearing full team kit, matching helmet, crabon bike, looking pretty damn ... I guess "huntable."

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THEIR PROBLEM?" The nastiest biker asked, pointing to the carload of kids in the car that had just concluded flipping me off and calling me a fag.

"I think they have something against two wheel transporation," I retorted. (No shit, I did, I retorted!)

"THEN WE'LL JUST HAVE TO GIVE THEM SOME FUCKIN THING TO THINK ABOUT THEN, HUH?"

The light turned and they followed the carload of kids up the road, headed out of town.

I'm waiting for the Quentin Tarantino film of what happened later. Death Proof II.

Field Marshal Rommel said...

Freddie 3:15

Sometimes those SUV driving kids do more than just yell...

http://coolerbuddy.blogspot.com/2008/12/evil.html

But you're right, they're the ones I have the most trouble with myself. Kids nowadays...

Jay said...

Yeah I've had cups thrown at me, I've been yelled at, and one time someone told me to "go back to [my] country."

This was in Farmingville, NY. The middle of Suffolk County Long Island.

I think I actually mentioned this in a previous comment.

Jim said...

>>>>there is nothing arousing about wrestling. It's strenuous and often painful

You obviously aren't patronizing the right strip clubs.

hillbilly said...

rasslin' and wrestling are two very different things.

Hey Jackalope - what's a callback?

the real hillbilly said...

damn, is there no honor, i knew i shoulda claimed that name

NatMc said...

When listening to that skit, did anyone else feel like it was actually a setup to make fun of redneck bike-haters? i mean, the references were fairly intellectual, the accents were overblown, the gay/cyclist link was too obviously un-"pc". i wouldn't be surprised if it were recorded by cyclists.

Graydon said...

Bravo! One of my favorite posts so far.

Anonymous said...

There's a dude in Boulder, CO, that rides something like that... Except his rickety chain of bar-ends are covered in Tan Duct Tape, for extra security. Seriously makes the thing look like bigass antlers. Plus, the guy wears an outfit that Bart K and Lone Wolf only dream of. Imagine this: about 6'3", 120lbs, South Florida Leather Tan skin, Daisy Dukes. And he calls everyone 'woosies'...

samh said...

Here in Montana our small circle of cyclists refer to each other as faggots because that's what the Drunken Prophet in the Jeep Cherokee informed us we were.

Blue Oyster Club said...

pure comedy. awesome post snob.

red neckerson said...

boy howdy what a long post i cant gets no ritalin so i aint reding the hole thing and enyways they is getting redy to kick my sorry ass out of the pubic libary and i aint using the dial up modem at the trailer park becos i gots more pride than that

in my parts we dont get bothered by bikers we jest dont and the dirt bikers most of them rides mountain bikes anyways

what i gots to say is you yankees are as bad about steriotiping as anybody else cos you thinks hilljacks aint got our teeth and gots no shoes

i gots shoes that looks like giant teeth so fuck you anyways

peeple who steriotipe all suck

Jonathan said...

i'd just like to thank frilly for using that profile pic again.

Nat X said...

Good point, NatMc.

This could be the most ironic irony ever.

(I'm being ironic. I think.)

spinout said...

Surly Bastard-

Great story.... I want to see footage.

Down here in St. Louis I gotta say there's goodwill between bikers and cyclists. I mean there's douchebags on all modes of transportation, but we even have biker bars with bicycle storage. No coyote storage as of yet though.

Anonymous said...

That's okay, Red, just as long as yer teeth don't start looking like shoes.

Anonymous said...

NatMC, et al:

That's almost as good a theory as the one about Ann Coultier and Rush Limbaugh being comics savant.

Anonymous said...

I love that the Onion is from Madison too.

Anonymous said...

Since I travel the roads in the WJJO area, by bicycle and car, I feel compelled to share a few observations on the situation.

Yes, bikes get in the way of cars. Group rides take the entire country road and seemingly fail to notice approaching cars. Cyclists in their aero tuck ride the crown of the road and don't make way for traffic. People on bicycles run stop signs and endanger their lives to set a new personal bests on their commute to work. This makes all of us look bad.

Still, there's no excuse for the lame, self-serving and malicious attack on cyclists by these ass-wipes at jjo. The target audience, in their pickup trucks with ATV and jetski in the back are no better in their driving habits than the cyclists they enjoy harassing, and their behavior is far more dangerous. The inbreds and their mutant spawn that listen to WJJO have already elected to remove themselves from the larger gene pool and will die out in time.

Snob, this is one of your best efforts, although I do think that motorcyclists do not belong in this discussion. Rather the WJJO staff have always struck me as the NAMBLA type.

Anonymous said...

2nd Gay Comment!
Spandex YES
Ex Law Enforcement NO
Scooter YES
Wears Leather NO
Wrestles NO
Plumber YES
Guns YES
Moter Cycle NO
Road Bike YES
Tandem YES
Mountian Bike YES
Cross Bikes OH YES
Hates Cyclist YES (only at races while race director)
Closeted NO
"jerks off" YES
"good writer" NO
Likes the onion YES


So .... am I a gay biker or a homo veloist.

On group rides if we get called fags my friends all look at/blame me

The cat is not gay... but I would like a picture of the owner.

Tom

Anonymous said...

Spandex Gay --> Freddie Mercury
They must be big Queen fans :)

Anonymous said...

Here is the response from WJJO after emailing the blog link:

On Thu, Mar 26, 2009 at 5:01 PM, Randy Hawke randy.hawke@wjjo.com wrote:I am the Program Director for WJJO Madison. I want to you know the entire story.

The bit posted online is from last year. It was not aired this week. It was dealt with at that time and never aired again. I apologize for leaving it posted on the podcast site. I did not pull it at the time because it felt like I would be trying to hide from the issue and I am not. It has since been pulled.

We have changed 50% of the morning team since then. They actually had nothing to do with this pit. It is from last year. How could I possibly take action on those people for the bit?

Our General Manager and President is Tom Walker. His Father ran this company until he passed away a few years ago at 82. It has been run by a Walker since it was founded over 50 years ago. Tom's sister, Mr Walker's daughter was killed while riding her bike on university ave in Madison.

I have been a BMX and Mountain Bike racer for 20 years. I am on the trails of Madison all the time with my two children in the Burley. I feel your pain. However there are a lot of BAD cyclist out there. It is a fact. They do us no good. I do feel both sides have been discussed on WJJO. Unfortunately I looked at the fifteen txt responses to the studio during the topic and ALL OF THEM were anti cyclist. These people have a right to there opinion and their opinion is cyclist are a problem. Not allowing them to discuss it, does not change that fact.

Thank you for hearing me out.



Respectfully,

Randy Hawke

WJJO PD

Ronsonic said...

Luck E. said...
OK, how do you explain Freddy Mercury, who was openly gay and openly into spandex?

Mr E,
Freddy was unique. If Freddy did it, it wasn't part of any pattern that applied to other people.

Anonymous said...

You talk like a fag and your shit's all retarded

Anonymous said...

How come all the bi cyclists didn't rate a mention?

WP said...

I can tell by the outfit, that feline is a pussy-a no doubt, sure enough, bonifide pussy.

I got's all A's in vet skool.

Tim said...

That bike-alope in the first picture used to live just down the road road from me before i moved to london. It filled me with a terror unlike any other every time i saw it.

Anonymous said...

bloody knufuckyoules.. the only circle you'd be familiar with is a circle jerk. right eh?!

southpole said...

several blades on your razor is like several gears on your bicycle

Seanywonton said...

Maybe if we all ask Nashbar real nice they'll start selling handlebars like that, so I don't have to buy 3 pairs of bar-ends to get up that high.

It's not un-similar to the handlebars found on some low-rider Harleys by the way. Maybe the radio guy wouldn't call us fags if we wore leather and had handlebars like that!

kale said...

Did anyone else in NYC hear this soundtrack on their commute this morning?

Anonymous said...

http://www.jsonline.com/blogs/lifestyle/41933692.html

"They don't have a clue what suffering is at the hands of motorists"

Really?

Sympathies for your tragedy Tom, but you are hardly alone.

kale said...

Sounds like Tom Walker is the Lance Armstrong to our Paul Kimmage...

Master of the obvious. said...

By 'gay' you all mean happy, right? Cause this post made me gay as hell.

Pontius Pilate said...

Speaking strictly as the Roman governor of Judaea from 26 CE to 36 CE, let me tell you something about the 40s that we drank back in the proverbial:

They were Ballantine XXX Ale Forty Ouncers, and they were delicious. Better than the blood of a so-called “King of the Jews,” that much I do know.

Hail Caesar –

P.P.

Test Tickle said...

Monty P,

That's when you look at the guy, smile and say "there's not a dildo big enough for my ass!" that will shut him right the f#$K up!

Anonymous said...

I just realized what that bike with the compound bar extensions looks like, the dog in the Grinch movie pretending to be the Reindeer.

Knuckle Sandwich said...

FUCK WJJO

Anonymous said...

Here's a picture of the WJJ0 morning host.

Anonymous said...

Gaye Bikers on Acid, or how about Lesbian Dopeheads on Mopeds?

Anonymous said...

Clearly the radio hosts don't know anything about M/Cs and are most likely weekend wussies. Both Hayden and Pedrosa are big time road cyclists in their off hours.

Pete Witucki said...

Our local advocacy group, Bike Fed of Wisconsin (www.bfw.org) met with the station owners today and wrestled some concession: http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/note.php?note_id=79622107840&ref=nf

Brian said...

Yeah I live in Madison, and most people are great. There are a ton of cyclists and I don't have my problem with people who live in town. It's the commuters that ride in a car alone who can't deal with me (maybe it's guilt). People get upset when they have to switch lanes because I'm not riding in the gravely part of the road and they give me dirty looks, or tourists block the bike lane to get beer (I beat on their car until they get the fuck out of the bike lane). The people of Madison are good it's the people who feel the liberalism is going to take their gun etc... I just enjoy my daily bike ride and to be safe I ride in the middle of the bike lane. No one really wants to hit a cyclist, they just act like they do. Awe it's too bad us liberals with our no gas bikes and our beliefs in equality for people are taking over and taking away your gun and your homophobia.

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Camilla said...

hahaha awesome post! 'I like cyclists, and I don't encounter gay cyclists any more than I encounter any other type of gay person!'

Great stuff

Camilla said...

Just discovered this and oh so relevant. Go Gay with Triumph!

http://oldbike.wordpress.com/1960-triumph-catalogue-go-gay-with-triumph/

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Anonymous said...

I ride a mountain bike. Just started riding again a couple of years ago after not riding since I was a kid. I try hard not to ride on streets because I hate driving around cyclists myself. I give them a wide berth, they make me nervous. I don't doubt their riding skills, it's just that if something bad happens it will be very bad, which neither of us wants. I've worn out many pairs of good US made jeans from riding. I just don't feel comfortable in skin-tight pants. If others do, whatever, I don't care. I arrived at this article after doing a search for "non-gay cycling pants". Cheers :)

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