Tuesday, January 20, 2009

On This Inaugural Day: Wheeling and Dealing

On this inaugural day, you may have noticed that most broadcast salutations (and even most personal salutations) are being prefaced with the phrase "on this inaugural day." A typical new report, for example, will begin: "Good morning, it's 8:35 and 29 degrees on this inaugural day." As such, in keeping with tradition I also intend to use the phrase "on this inaugural day" gratuitously on this inaugural day, beginning with the BSNYC Bridge Report:

On this inaugural day, conditions on the Manhattan Bridge are "messy yet passable," which, coincidentally, describes most of my schoolwork during my academic career. I cannot speak to conditions on the other bridges, as I did not have time to ride them. Also, if you are riding a brakeless track bike, the Manhattan Bridge may not be passable for you on this inaugural day, because the person I saw riding one this morning was forced to walk across the span, and he appeared to be regretting his shoe choice (canvas Vans if you're wondering) as much as his bike choice.

Hopefully the transition between Presidents on this inaugural day is smoother and neater than my own transition from Brooklyn to Manhattan. I was pleased to receive this photo of a bunch of bikes parked by the National Mall during the inaugural concert:



It does my heart proud on this inaugural day to see so many different kinds of bicycles coming together. Surely they are as diverse as their owners, at least some of whom must be certifiably insane, as evidenced by this photograph sent to me by another reader:


When it comes to expressing your patriotism, be sure to leave your dignity at home. Or, at the very least, keep it inside your capacious saddle bag. I'm glad to see that in addition to the star-spangled tights this rider has opted for the Ksyrium SLs, carbon cranks, and Speedplays. When you're rocking/running five full-size blinky lights (which adds up to at least ten AA batteries), half a roll of reflective tape, and a Specialized Body Geometry saddle that's thicker than a lasagna, it's important to shave grams any place you can.

But when it comes to dignity, nobody is less encumbered by it than recumbent riders. Not that they care, mind you. On this inaugural day, one recumbent rider would like to tell any haters out there exactly what they can do. And he's not using his rim; instead, he's using his helmet mirror:



Indeed, recumbent riders are no longer going to take things lying down--metaphorically, that is. Obviously they're going to keep literally lying down on their bikes, which is what their whole twisted subculture is about:



Personally, on this inaugural day I'd like to see the AYHSMB sentiment applied to the Zipp carbon rims of the World's Greatest Madone--which, I learned from reading the comments on last Friday's post, has been spotted in the wild:



The intrepid photographer also managed to snap a shot of the bike's proud owner:



So inspired was I on this inaugural day by seeing the World's Greatest Madone in action that I decided to piece together my own grotesquely expensive race bike-based townie. And thanks to a reader, I think I may have found my chassis:


Rock Racing's riders may need to auction off their team gear in order to get by, but at the end of the day on this inaugural day it's all about savings--for me. I've already got my build planned, too. I'm going for a Carbonsports Lightweight disc in the rear and a regular spoked Lightweight in the front. (I'd hate to break up the $6,300 set but I can always use the rear as a trainer wheel.) The rest of the bike, however, will be all about practicality, so I'm going to round out the build with a selection of goods from Velo Orange and Rivendell. I figure this way I can build a bike capable of making both Michael Ball and Grant Petersen vomit.

Meanwhile, the Tour Down Under is really heating up on this inaugural day. Stage 1 took place today (or yesterday, as today is called in Australia) and it was a real scorcher:

Frankly, I like the fact that nearly every word written in the cycling press about the TDU this year involves Lance Armstrong. It's a welcome relief from all the undue attention that's usually placed on the winners. And speaking of winners:




It's almost time for me to finally choose a winner of The Great BSNYC/RTMS Fyxomatosis Photo Parody Contest (presented by Boston Whaler Boats--The Unsinkable Legend). Just to refresh your memory, the winner of this contest will receive: a pie plate (but not the schmata I'm using to hold the pie plate); a chainring (courtesy of Fyxomatosis); a beer cozy and an elk's tooth (courtesy of Stevil of HTATBL); and a Boston Whaler decal (courtesy of Bluenoser). You'll also get a smock, but only if you want one.

But before I make my decision, I wanted to give everybody the opportunity to peruse the entries, so I've assembled them all on this Flickr page. (This includes the uncensored version of the controversial submission from thealphastate.) If you submitted an image and you don't see it here, please let me know and I will attempt to rectify that. Also, as you can see, the competition really heated up as the deadline drew closer. Just a few late entries included this fixed-gear freestyler/road bike couch copulation shot:



This wild outdoor threesome involving a Cannondale Major Taylor track bike:



And this photograph which looks like it was staged by Bill T. Jones:



On this inaugural day, it remains very difficult to predict a winner.

92 comments:

BadBeard said...

PedAnt1st!

Anonymous said...

1st?

Anonymous said...

damn it!

Anonymous said...

'Bout time! Welcome back Snob. And uh...podium.

innerlighter said...

Money!

ant1 said...

ant1st!

JC said...

top 10!

leroy said...

Only one podium worth watching this inaugural day.

fantz crazznapper said...

Top 10 mofo

stuggy said...

Top 10!

Anonymous said...

Woot! Woot!

def guy said...

Who's the new president I keep hearing about?

red neckerson said...

so close but tomorrow will be a new damm day and ill make number one

Mental Yentl said...

I liked the Meh in the Lancie ad. I should also get a mirror for mine helmet that says AYHSMMB.

Anonymous said...

top ten!

Anonymous said...

LOL OR NOT

kale said...

I did the slideshow... The uncensored tttb on the surly just canceled out the nsfw thealphastate.

innerlighter said...

Snob,
On this inaugural day, you got about as many "on this inaugural days" in as the OC gets "Bike Snobs" in on one of his posts.

Jolly good show!




meh.

Conservative Treehugger said...

There didn't seem to be any mention of left-wing hipster commie Che Guevara T-shirt clad fixed gear bike convoys descending on D.C. to register their joy. What it's up with that?

Nick said...

Top 20!

Anonymous said...

On this inauguration day, all you haters suck my ballot.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Snob, is your Brooklyn lair next door to the Huxtable's crib?

BTW, I love how the Rivendell website uses Rapha Tweed as its wallpaper.

Wes said...

To place this high I didn't even read it. I feel dirty.

frilly said...

Hooray for the red, white, and blue.

Nice buns.

Shram said...

woohoo! - and I read it.

Now that I've watched streaming video for the past two hours, I should probably do some actual work (on this inaugural day).

Strayhorn said...

Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel: Samuel Johnson

When it comes to expressing your patriotism, be sure to leave your dignity at home: BSNYC/RTMS.

Call Bartlett's, we have an update.

Anonymous said...

http://www.jaunted.com/files/5957/obama_rides_bicycle.jpg

tim bulger said...

ebay ad for the De Rosa suggests that the frame is worth $10,000! If Michael sells a few of those he can fund the whole team

iowa said...

is that guy behind lance wearing a RAGBRAI jersey ?

Commiecanuk said...

Lance Armstrong took a dump early in today's stage, the turd is already on eBay, and one end is very aerodynamic (good job, F1 team).The seller has a pic of Lance eating corn at breakfast to authenticate.

Lance continues his work with Livestrong and cancer awareness. He was seen shouting at the aussie crowd in today's race, "struth! CANCER IS BAD, M/KAY?!"
Thousands were raised with special LIVESTRONG cigarette cartons being sold all over Australia.

The locals celebrated in song, from Bob Marley,
one ball,
one nut,
Let's get some EPO and feel alright!

Anonymous said...

i like that the road bike's 3t's are naked.

Justin said...

That fvgly Trek is officially named the Jackalope.

Commiecanuk said...

Oh, and THANKS for not harping on about O'bama, the Lance Armstrong of off-white politicians.
Let the disappointment commence.

Commiecanuk said...

oh, and lastly,

Sweet Sassy Molassy.

Berserker said...

Good Muthaf*ckin choice, muthaf*cka!!!! - Samuel L. Jackson, as parodied by Dave Chapelle.

so drink a Samuel Jackson - on this inaugural day.

liz said...

snob..in case you're in the market on this inaugural day:
http://chicago.craigslist.org/wcl/bik/999964923.html

dmitri fofonov said...

Something is going on in the States?

Bill said...

wait a minute, dammit! now commie has 'sweet sassy'?? i swear it was promised to me after bk jimmy was done with it? where oh where, on this inaugural of all days, is the honor?

Commiecanuk said...

Sorry Bill, SSM was only available through the NAFTA accord. That's history.

You're going to have to import sweet, sassy from Mexico and molassy from China, then assemble the entire catch phrase in Illinois, once you've paid off Rod Blagojevich. Don't forget the carbon offsets, molassy can be messy.

Wade said...

I'm ashamed to say that the ice repelled my bike commute today and I bailed and took the train. I would like to say that I instead took a long and brisk constitutional to make up for the lack of aerobic activity, but I didn't. I almost enjoyed taking the train today. I felt strangely calm and unhurried.

Bill said...

aw man, that made me tired just to read, you can have it, i'll stick with the more economical and less labor intensive...

booyah

Critical Ass said...

I'm surprised the 808's are still there.

Lucky 7 said...

Beloved Pa, Grandpa, Brother and Boss.
Rest in peace, Sorrell Booke.

Questo giorno inaugurale . . .


A

Anonymous said...

my vote is for the forks and stems going at it... that's hot.

ant1 said...

BOSS HOG!

Commiecanuk said...

Bill..booyah is a good choice, if that's ok FOR YOU...but I got a nice case of "Maverick!" left over from McCain-Palin, cheap. You can probably upgrade it with "So Maverick!" or, "the maverick".

Bill said...

maverick springfield

Steven Vance said...

On this inaugural day, you have misidentified the bike seat. You claim it's a Specialized Body Geometry street, but there is a strong probablity that it is indeed a Planet Bike ARS (Anatomical Relief System).

Scooby Dukakis said...

bsnyc,

yesterday i saw a bike spill at the corner of lorimer and metropolitan, the hard slap to the ground that the rider made sent shiver through my body. drive safely, i am sticking to the much maligned L.

Wade said...

Why do people in NYC choose to ride a recumbent? They seem dangerous. Why would you want to ride so low to the street and out of sight? Okay, so you can get a flag or something, but why would you want to ride around with such a tawdry accessory? Also, they're very long. Isn't it difficult to make quick turns? I can't imagine how you would even get going on one. It's like the Xtracycle bakfietsen (?). I have no idea how they get going. And with two children and some groceries on board it seems even less probable that the cyclist could gain enough speed to avoid toppling over.

Aren't recumbents really only good for long stretches of suburban or rural roadways? But I continue to see people riding them in New York. Until a few months ago I was under the impression that anyone on a recumbent must have suffered some disabling accident which forced them to ride a recumbent. I honestly thought they were only designed for the disabled. And now I've learned that completely healthy people actually ride them by choice. It's total madness. And lastly, how will they fit into the velotopia when pelotons race across the Pulaski Skyway in the early morning?

Anonymous said...

Top 55!!

jimmythefly said...

Photo "mtb beer 2" is on Lopez Island -fess up who took it?

-Bring me your finest meats and cheeses!

Dr. Rorschach said...

The picture of that nakes ladies' backside looks like a funny-shaped ink blot to me.

Anonymous said...

You mean the pic of Frilly sans panties?

ant1 said...

BadBeard - Good one. I had to look that up.

ant1 said...

It's not up to me, but aside from your first place, I think you should get a course record for that one.

WSL said...

This is clearly your winner:
http://tinyurl.com/8rtcue

It just needed a bit of tasteful cropping:
http://i41.tinypic.com/rvca3n.jpg

tbens3 said...

Mr. or Mrs. Bikesnob,

Thanks for comic relief on this inaugural day. The bike porn is the shiznittlebam.

bk jimmy said...

Molassy, I hardly knew ye!

No more trademark sign-offs for me. It's just too painful. Now whenever I finish a comment instead I will go into the men's room with my ipod to listen to Simon & Garfunkel's "I Am a Rock," in the comforting safety of the oversized handicapped stall.

frilly said...

anon 4:25--That's not me. Prefer to keep it covered, albeit in lace.

And, I think I gotta little more junk in my trunk. She looks like a model, tall and thin. And she's probably really nice too, and pretty.

Thanks for ruining my Obama buzz.

Anonymous said...

When in doubt, I always go with porn (e.g., "American Flyers" or porn . . . porn; cold weather ride or porn . . . porn). It's a close competition, but I'd give the swag to thealphastate for his Bike Skank composition.

Anonymous said...

Ah, such is life when everyone knows you by the color of your drawers and only a smattering of the content of your character, Frilly. Me thinks there are a lot of sticky keyboards thanks to that snap you used to use. Eew.
Worry not though, for as we've seen today it is possible for a person to be judged not on the color of their drawers but on the content of their character. Sm

Armand Hammer said...

I'd hit it.

leroy said...

Is it just me or does thealphastate's entry seem a little unfair, playing on our sympathies like that?

Honestly, entering a competition for a lounging smock with a photo of someone in need of clothing....

What next, a Sally Struthers' testimonial?

Sweet sassy molassy, indeed.

BikeSnobAustin IV said...

Commiecanuk,

Thanks for the ebay tip. The Fans and Friends and Fellows Who Like Lance chapter that I belong to here in Austin has a connection with the busboy from brunch. We received a large freezer baggie of food scrapings today with Lance's name on the bag. Ex-ciiit-teeen...and as soon as we're done with the corn cobs they are going up on a Buy It Now auction.

Profits will go to a great cause, Cause Cancer Ain't Cool.

Matthew said...

The dude in the stars and stripes tights is clearly "rocking" five blinkies for three reasons:

1. If he were "running" the tights, he'd know that stars and stripes are only for national champions.

2. Racers know that seats aren't meant to be comfortable. They're meant to be made of non-pliable carbon and titanium. Speed is inversely proportional to pelvic comfort.

3. If he were "running" the blinkies he'd just roll through the middle of the crowd, and they'd magically part, just like L'Alpe d'Huez. Some of them would also attempt to smash beer bottles over his back, also just like L'Alpe d'Huez. Instead, he's clearly elected to "session" the intersection and attract attention, which is the goal of most people who are "rocking" something.

Anonymous said...

Ah recumbent riders, we lie down in your general direction!

And do it fixed and all

http://www.bacchettablog.com/buzz/single-speed-giro-%e2%80%9cfixie%e2%80%9d

Cognorant said...

Frilly, I wouldn't let anon 4:25 get you down. That chick just looks dirty to me. And not in the good way.

kale said...

Jesus, Snob.

Those entries are really hard to choose the best.

I wracked my puny head muscle around the issue all the last 10 minutes or so and really thought the Sarah Palin photo exuded Fxyamanrfosis' je ne sais quoi, in the most farcical manner. Or vous should just declare a toss-up and have a run off. On this inaugrualr day, it would be fitting to have a little indecision - for good 'ol time's sake.

Anonymous said...

Dear iowa-

That's a member of the Liquigas team.

-k

Anonymous said...

hah!

Wade said...

the thealphastate's submission is an obvious fraud or a canny gender-bending riddle. Look closely at the genitalia. It's surely a strap-on labia majora.

slppy said...

JEez SNob, i just think tyre choice is very well informed in nyc. I just put a 29 x 2.1 on the front to complement the 26 x 2.1 on the back of the pain train and it is rock solid as usual. you know where i'll be for pertinent advise you can count on this inauguration day

Philip Williamson said...

I'm just happy that now that Obama's in office, people are using "complement" correctly!

Anonymous said...

"But when it comes to dignity, nobody is less encumbered by it than recumbent riders. ... Indeed, recumbent riders are no longer going to take things lying down--metaphorically, that is."

Genius! I'd like to forward this to my workmates, but my boss rides a recumbent so I gotta be careful...

dude said...

is it too late for this inauguration day ?

streepo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
streepo said...

This inaugural day has passed.

Commiecanuk said...

BikeSnobAustin IV...Cancer not being cool is one of those controversial political stances Lance makes that indicates he is of Presidential timber.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Wade, on this inagural day, we are supposed to be inspired to a higher plane of hope and reason, but here we are instead discussing Lee Press-on Labia.

BikeSnobAustin IV said...

Commiecanuk,
We "lost" the cob, but after a little soul searching, and not to mention ruining a NIB fondue set, we have this offering.Corn Cob Cancer Candle

Carlos from Philly said...

I vote for the vagina one.

Dr. John G. Hunter said...

Thealphastate,
Like I tell all of my patient's, "you're beautiful just the way you are." That being said, I would like to add that, from strictly a professional perspective, you've been in the saddle of you're Univaga some hard miles. Ride on over to Vail for a free consult. thealphastae referral

Anonymous said...

An alleged Doctor said:

"..Like I tell all of my patient's..."

Your patient's what? And why do you have only one? You seem like a great communicator and self-promoter.

And boom goes the dynamite.

Commiecanuk said...

I was watching CNN's coverage of the inaugural balls. It seems like at a time of national economic crisis, it's really, really important to bring together politicians and Hollywood celebrities and performers. One can only imagine the power of the Obama-Denzel Washington-Beyonce think tank.

ant1 said...

commie - you gotta thank the people that ponied up for your election.

ant1 said...

at the tax payer's expense, of course.

Anonymous said...

$4000 bike, $15 lock. Anyone care to share where that photo was taken?

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