Thursday, January 15, 2009

The Indignity of Commuting by Bicycle: Crappy Weather

Inhabitants of the snowbelt may scoff, but here in the New York City metropolitan area we're experiencing what we amateur meteorologists call "crappy weather." The scientific explanation for this is that a front of crap is moving through our region, carrying with it such crappy things as snow and coldness. Temperatures are below 20 degrees Fahrenheit, which is about [mumblemumblemumble] degrees Celsius. Of course, as anybody who watches the weather knows, we no longer go by Fahrenheit or Celsius. We go by "feels like." According to Weather.com it "feels like" 4 degrees Fahrenheit right now. (Weather.com arrives at this figure by forcing three naked people to stand outside for five minutes and then guess how cold it is. They then take an average of the responses.) According to me, it "feels like" my nose hairs are freezing.

My biggest regret this morning (besides not having just stayed in bed, where the "feels like" was "womb-ish") was using a bicycle equipped with brakes and fenders. (If you're reading this in England, "fenders" are the same as "mudguards." And if you're reading this in Australia, "fenders" are "wheel wallabys.") Sure, I was able to both stop and maintain a high degree of dryness, but I totally ruined my bike's "clean lines" and subtracted fistfuls of points from my already minimal "street cred":



However, I consoled myself with the knowledge that pad-to-rim braking is vastly better than tire-to-pavement braking when the street looks like this:




By the way, if you're wondering about conditions on the bridges, as of this morning the Manhattan Bridge was perfectly passable. In fact, it was salty and crunchy, like a great big fried chicken leg:




Visibility, on the other hand, was extremely poor. So, after a morning spent deliberating between the bike and the helicopter, I was pleased to discover I had made the right choice:



Despite the conditions, those with considerably more "street-cred" than I have still ran/rocked fenderless and brakeless bikes:



They were, however, running/rocking them very slowly. They weren't so much "slaying" as they were tapping lightly, like you might tap at a hard-boiled egg with a spoon. I don't know exactly how fast this rider was going, but the "feels like" was about 6 mph, or [mumblemumblemumble] kph.

But as nonplussed as I am by brakeless riding, there are times when it can be impressive. I recently received an email from Knog. At first, I was afraid to read it because I figured they were just asking for their lights back (I've been using them as nightlights so I can find my way to the bathroom), but it actually turned out to be a link to a highly impressive BMX trick called a "flair to footjam." I'd have thought a "flair to footjam" would simply involve mincing around in a dress for awhile and then stubbing your toe, but it actually involves going upside down:



And then stopping yourself with your foot:

Now that is hard.

Fresh off of this video, I decided to see what those other brakeless riders--the fixed-gear freestylers--have been doing lately. Are they finally giving the BMXers a brakeless run for their money? I did a quick footjam with my brakeless mouse and headed over to trackosaurusrex to check in on the latest videos. I found this. Basically, the rider wanders around slowly like a character in an 80s video game looking for bonus points. Here he rides up something and then kisses a railing with his front wheel:



Here he rides on a surface almost as banked as the tracks his bike was actually meant for:



Here he goes up in the air a tiny bit:




Well, he did plenty of stuff I probably couldn't do on a track bike, but nothing came close to the flair to footjam. Feeling let down, I continued searching for an impressive video. Finally, I found one: Fixed Gear Chicago. This may be my favorite fixed-gear video to date. This isn't because it features impressive tricks--it doesn't. No, I love this video because it's got character. First, it opens with one of the riders putting on his sneakers in his loft apartment:



Then, he enters his apartment building's vast bike room by means of a magnetic card key in his wallet. (I'd have expected a wallet chain, but I guess it would have to be inconveniently long.):



Once inside, he makes a beeline for his Bianchi San Jose with flat pedals and no foot retention...:



...or handlebar drops:



Then, his buddy "slays" some trackstands in front of some people on the sidewalk in a fancy-looking neighborhood. (In your face, yuppies!):


Then they take it to the streets:



I'm not sure if this video is sincere or a parody, but either way I greatly enjoyed it since it's in the true fixed-gear spirit: all flair, no footjams.

157 comments:

Anonymous said...

win?

bkf

Anonymous said...

Podium?

mattoidbunko said...

Whoa!

Anonymous said...

Slayin... :-)

Frozun said...

Crappy? There's other words to describe it.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

crispy said...

top ten!

Anonymous said...

What is crappy weather? I live in florida, we don't experience that here! But then again rollin fixed is lame here.

gator joe said...

feels "womb-like" Indeed. Do you realize we males of the species spend nine months trying to get out of the womb, and the rest of our lives trying to get back in?

Thanks for making me laugh today.

Anonymous said...

je suis dix?

Joshua said...

Snob, I can't believe you forget to mention how that whole video is scored with NOFX. I'm sure there's a joke in there somewhere, but I'm just not clever enough to find it.

Buckminster Fusher said...

I hate to break it to you snob, but all braking is "tire-to-pavement", it's just static vs. kinetic.
Static always wins.
Guess which fixies use.

Anonymous said...

Ice or Sweltering heat. You Choose.

Anonymous said...

Jeez, Snob. Trim that cable end! You could put an eye out.

kale said...

top 10!!!!!!!!!!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 12:12pm,

I was waiting for that! I like a little extra cable on cantis. Plus, I rarely put my face in that area.

--RTMS

Anonymous said...

You slayed! (In other words: Ding!!!)

Daddo said...

we're looking at 15 degrees F (-9.4c) with 4 more inches of snow today and 0 degrees F (-17.7c) tomorrow. I have not yet rode (ridden?) a bike in 2009. Spent new years eve having an appendectomy. I'm ready to start riding again but hell if my first rides back are going to be in such CRAP.

libertyonbikes! said...

now show me a video of a fixed stopping in an inch of slush over hardpack. what? one doesn't exist?
how about someone doing twenty year old bmx tricks on a fixed?
534,813 on youtube? really?

that video isn't a joke, but somebody needs to go buy themselves some STREET CRED.
I hear you can get it on ebay for under $10 now days. with all the lemmings jumping the sinking fixed gear ship.

Anonymous said...

Buckminster Fusher, You should really take a dynamics or Newtonian physics or a high school physics class. When your tire is sliding on pavement, it is NOT static in relationship to the pavement. I suggest you watch a automobile road race on TV. The drivers don't lock there wheels to stop faster.

Anonymous said...

"I was waiting for that! I like a little extra cable on cantis. Plus, I rarely put my face in that area."

You would if you slayed!

Anonymous said...

sunny and 75 in san diego today ! stay classy !

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVj9AY5FFHg

Anonymous said...

TOP 25!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I had to mask my choked back laughter here at work with small coughing noises - brilliant.

Mongo Pusher said...

Karpets!

Russ said...

This kind of weather calls for a Stingray with a coaster brake for massive, laid-out skids. Depositing waves of slush on hapless pedestrians is a mere bonus.

Seattle Yarper said...

RTMS,

If you had been on this: http://www.unicycle.com/shopping/shopexd.asp?id=808 your problems commuting in snow and ice would have been negated.

The ultimate fixie, with stupendous traction and road feel. You might have been able to get up to 10 kph.

Anonymous said...

WTF

I am never going to podium if you keep changing the course

Anonymous said...

That fixed gear Chicago gave me an f-ing horrible headache, but you got to give the guy credit for having brakes and wearing a helmet and stopping for traffic. Okay you don't have to give him any credit but he did do those things.

I live in Florida and the weather here sucks too... for Florida I suppose. Fixed gears/Single speeds actually make sense here since we really have no reason for gears.

Brakes are most certainly important since yall send your elderly this way every year and they pull that Buick out of their condominium garage to see if this is the year they're too old to drive. The answer is yes Grandpa, now go back inside with your robe open old man.

Thanks for keeping me up to date on what is still considered street credible... BTW let me know when Deep-V's are ironic, I'd like to rock a pair.

RM

Anonymous said...

Woot! Woot!

Dave! said...

Why use several hypster cysts to find your way to the bathroom when one will do? Be your own flashlight! Knogs fit on Giant headtubes so I'm sure they'll fit on your, er, perhaps not-so-giant headtube. And, as you are so frequently "mistaken" for Jewish I'll assume that it won't just slide off the end.

Critical Ass said...

Why chop and flip when you can just chop?

Anonymous said...

YES! Ironic PODIUM!

Brian said...

Negative 22 degrees F.

Leaving the house is really, really hard.

F Minnesota!

Moe the Gimp said...

If you're serious about arresting forward movement and preserving life (your own) ditch the pad/rim brakes until the vernal equinox, forget about street cred, and go with discs. Ask my chiropractor about it.

Anonymous said...

I got outta the womb faster than most thanks to my umbilical cordless amniotic sac. Rockin' in the free womb!

leroy said...

Wow, the things you can learn reading BSNYC!

Imagine my surprise upon discovering that I too have performed a "flair to footjam."

I just didn't know what it was called at the time.

And I was on ice skates, not a bike.

And it was unintentional.

And all I was trying to do was navigate a circle of seven year olds hopped up on birthday cake.

And I kind of messed up the landing.

And that kind of interfered with my riding well into the warm months.

That's why when I looked out the window this morning, I decided to take the subway.

It wasn't the cold, honestly.

It was the traction.

And I just hate cleaning my bike sometimes.

And I find you don't need to fight for a seat on the Lex Line if you have your bike and simply track stand among your fellow commuters.

And if the train stops between stations, you can show folks how you can ride in a circle really, really slowly.

That one's always a crowd pleaser.

Buckminster Fusher said...

Dear Anonymous 12:35-
I've taught college physics. I never said sliding uses static friction, however rereading my post I see how one could infer that. If anything I need a high school writing class.

Mental Yentl said...

Such a crapfest we're havink here. Good for you, mine Snobala. You rode deh bike today. Good choice; helicopters are for "woosies".

Oysh.

AnnaZed said...

Mental ~ that shit is getting so tired.

Catherine said...

BikeSnob,

you're wonderful, I love you, but I have to point out a few things:

A) I laugh at your "crappy weather". As was just stated, this morning in MN the temp was -22 degrees F, with a windchill of -40.

B) Usually, this is what the "feels like" in weather reports refers to: the windchill. The windchill here this morning was -40, and weather.com told me it feels like -40. (forgetting that most have lost the abailty to feel sensory inputs in such a temperature range)

C) As many of us here in MN who DO ride year round in all the wonderful inclement weather will tell you, there is a large number who choose to ride fixed in winter, including those who don't normally ride fixed. After gathering a vast amount of experience riding on every combination of ice sheets/snow pack/slush, they often switch to riding fixed because it provides one with better input and "feel" for the road conditions, and most importantly, it's quite easy to control sliding on ice when you're fixed. Not so much with the alternative.


Don't get me wrong, I'm not here to prosthetize or what have you, I'm not taking any sides in the fixies rule/fixters are ridiculous debate, I'm just letting you know what I hear on the street.
You're more than welcome to come out here for a brisk winter ride in -20 temps and inches of black ice coving the roads to get a feel for the reasoning...

shmaltz herring said...

That shoelace tying scene "feels like" three hours.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Catherine,

I agree the fixed gear lets you know when you've lost traction sooner than a freewheel does. I also find throwing a couple of brakes and fenders into the equation is even better. I didn't mean to imply fixed gear bikes in general were a bad choice in bad weather--only brakeless, fenderless track bikes.

And yes, you have every right to scoff at our weather.

--BSNYC/RTMS

wishiwasmerckx said...

Snob, three words: Nose Hair Trimmer.

Anonymous said...

I, for one, am skeptical of the "controlled sliding" theory. To bring the car analogy back, one pumps ones brakes on ice

Catherine said...

BSNY,

I guess this all perfectly explains why my winter bike is a fixted gear with brakes and fenders, eh?

Mental Yentl said...

Anna Zed...and this should bother me...why?

Desertus-Ratticus said...

It gonna be 76 here in AZ today. I had to wear a hoody to work this morning! When's this cold snap gonna end??

thealphastate said...

Anon 12:35,

I suggest that you take a grade school English class to learn the differences between there, their, and they're.

"The drivers don't lock there wheels to stop faster."

Anonymous said...

man, this is one trifling, nitpicky board today, must be the weather.

IRIDEOVERPRICEDBIKES said...

"I'm not here to prosthetize or what have you",

prosthetize means: to fit with an artificial limb or appendage
- maybe what the writer means is that if you ride a fixie in -22 degree weather in an inch of snow on top of black ice you will require a prosthetic limb soon.

Disgruntl Ed. said...

Yeah. Where (and when) I grew up the weather reports would say something like "it's minus 35 with a 20 km/hr wind, producing a windchill factor of 4500. This means that exposed flesh freezes in 4 minutes."

By the way past tense of slay is slew, in English. Last time I checked.

I smote him, thus.

Lucky 7 said...

I love AnnaZed.

That is some seriously crappy crap you've got to contend with Snob, and the snow and ice are bad too. Won't jump on the bandwagon of relating my own crappy crapsickle-encrusted crapcycle of craptasticness in some crappy pissing contest, but will acknowledge the flair to footjam is how I dismount from bed each morning.

Ride safe, you crazy arctic bitches. Don't lick your tire and stick it to the pole you're trickin'. That's how you put out an eye, cable farmer.


A

Disgruntl Ed. said...

Anon 12:37 I mean you.

Anonymous said...

yeah, i'm thinkin she meant proselytize

Anonymous said...

I left my Motobecane Messenger at home today because of the cold and dusting of frozen precip here in Tulsa. Seeing that there is another cyclist in NY riding one in actual snow (5th image), I feel the shame....Oy...drink up boys for tomorrow we ride!!!!!

AnnaZed said...

It's 74 degrees here in Los Angeles today, headed towards a high of 84 degrees. So, my mood is pretty stable.

... just sayin' ...

Anonymous said...

Wuss. A blamy -8F in Wisco today, 30+ below zero w/ windchill factored in. I personally invite BCNYC to come out to the glorious midwest and participate in the Stupor Bowl in MPLS. You want cold? I mean really cold? That is the race to experience it.

kale said...

Snob's slush bike looks like my bed - Fatties Fit Fine in both.

And I just hooked up with a drunken Swede named Nokian last week as well (no Pfar). What are the chances?

Randoboy said...

Catherine and Snobby:

Another reason to go fixed this time of year: Spinning 160 RPMs on the descents here in Tennessee will keep you warmer than coasting.

The "feels like" for my fixed commute this morning was zero. By the time I got in, that was what certain portions of my anatomy were feeling: zero.

Sun Belt my a$$ ...

Anon 2:05 said...

BCNYC = Buisness Centre Near York , [British] Columbia.

leroy said...

Sorry, not buying that extra long brake cable story.

That's a kick stand.

red neckerson said...

what a bunch of bullshit

speeking of bullshit dont you yankees go buying guns to carry on yor bikes

i likes guns but in a small town noone messes with me because they know id hunt them down and beat the shit out of them later

now there is a local problem with bears and lately there have even been mountain lion prints spoted

for protection only when i mountain bike i carry a two inch pocketknife

if a mountain lion charges im slicing up rickys tires so by the time the mountain lion is done feasting on his carcass ill be 5 or 10 miles away

it works for me

Gnarles Darwin said...

I spray some tough actin tinactin when I experience "Flair to Footjam"

Set You Straight said...

Usually, this is what the "feels like" in weather reports refers to: the windchill.

Snob, why aren't you thanking her for this? Not only are you ignorant, you are also ungrateful.

Critical Ass said...

Check out the cable for the center-pull brake on this baby:

http://denver.craigslist.org/bik/994061667.html

fixedgearfotofreak said...

Damn global warming!

kale said...

CA-

I couldn't get past the head tube length. unless, of course, it's the wide-angle lens causing a distortion. But that is a good fix to those f*cking Weinmanns, I had those on my old Raleigh Super Grand Prix and they always were pain in the ass.

Demian said...

The most valid reason to ride fixed (or SS) in the winter is to minimize the risk of bike failure. Basically, it's a choice to minimize the number of components that could fail.

Everything else is kinda dumb (especially riding in wintry crap without brakes)

Anonymous said...

Reason #2 to ride fixed in the winter:

Long sleeves to obfuscate the fact that you have no tattoo'd sleeves.

Anonymous said...

re: Demian

Right on! Having a feel for traction in bad conditions is kinda dumb! And not very valid.

Nothing like a self-proclaimed expert doling out arbitrary decrees!

Surly Bastard said...

Crappy weather, like the recession, has been around a for a long time here in Michigan so we're used to both and know how to handle them both in our own strange and provincial way.

We're riding tonight in -5 F weather because riding keeps us warmer than huddling in the cardboard boxes we're forced to live in now that all of our homes have been repossessed.

Temps this low also mean everything freezes, and nothing works (like us!) and no matter how many gears you had when you rolled out after two miles everything is a single speed. Brake cables freeze up too and, voila! no brakes! Snow banks are your best option for stopping.

I'll tell you there's nothing funnier than watching a homeless and unemployed automotive engineer flopping around in a snowbank with a BMC cross bike fitted out with Dugast tubs and froze'up magnesium TRP brakes on top of him. It's downright ironic!

Santa said...

Woosies!

Anonymous said...

Hey Anonymous 12:02 - I hate to break it to you, but most of Florida's weather is crappy. Crappy hot and crappy humid is still crappy. Additionally, even on a perfect day in Florida, it still has all those Floridians.

bikesgonewild said...

...hard to read today's blog 'cuz the warm, bright sunshine is causing a lotta glare on my laptop screen, out here on the deck...

...ohhh, "crappy weather" you say...guess you didn't mean "here", huh ???...

rexeverything said...

I cant believe I watched that whole video. If I wanted to watch 2 guys masturbate, there are better produced options...

Anonymous said...

good link from the fixed gear chicago - almost as exciting:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRulSE-B20g

Commiecanuk said...

Anonymous 12:20pm said...
What is crappy weather? I live in florida, we don't experience that here!


Talk to us in September-October when you're on CNN shopping for groceries in a canoe.

JPB said...

One of the greatest things about living in Florida, in my case, the underside of America's wang; listening to snowbirds go on and on about how hard the winters are and how nice our weather is down here and how wonderful that we can ride year round!

Nice...?! Where are you in July and August when you can get heatstroke on a four mile commute at 7:00 AM and then ride home at 5:00 in a deluge. We got crappy weather, it just aint COLD crappy!

Anonymous said...

that back flip is the shit man! hopefully the kid doing that trick is intelligent enough to know that tattoos are for losers. Peace out to my fellow non-tattooed brethren!

JPB said...

...and what's with all the anti-tattoo hostility recently? Who really cares except it's funny when somebody gets a dumb and highly visible tattoo.

Anonymous said...

out here in southern california it is perfect riding weather. The sky is clear the temperature is perfect for a 20 mile ride or a 200 mile ride...this is why I just can't move anywhere else

Anonymous said...

Tattoos are always dumb if they're visible.

JPB said...

Anon 3:41

Yes, I see now.

bruises said...

having tires with tread is way more important than whether you're riding fixed or freewheel. I wish I would have realized that before the ice storms hit the midwest. I am too cheap (it's how to be poor and still be ironic) to get studded ice tires, so I ride about 4 mph every morning.

carlos said...

i guess u can't be funny/ironic everyday.

Anonymous said...

exactly! Why would anyone want to look like a circus freak? That is what people with tattoos look like. Now if I am missing something here and I am supposed to get with the times and go see circus freak shows so I will not be shocked by the sight of a person with a foot growing out of their ear or a tongue where their eye should be...

JPB said...

Anon 3:50

You've never been to a freak show?! (said with incredulity)

Anonymous said...

I wonder if all the tattoo haters follow the same path as clergy and republican senators? They both hate something with such vociferousness that they just gotta be closeted in their lustings for the things. And ever so truthfully, much like a-holes the world over, when one says something another jumps up hand in the air yelling, "My Turn!" Give it a rest, or better yet go Blog about it elsewhere.
And no, I don't have any ink, but I do have a good degree of acceptance of other folks and their lifestyles. Blame it on good parenting when I was a kid.

Commiecanuk said...

Anonymous 3:40 said...
out here in southern california it is perfect riding weather. The sky is clear the temperature is perfect for a 20 mile ride or a 200 mile ride...this is why I just can't move anywhere else


Talk to us when you're buried in earthquake rubble, or mudslides, or on CNN trying to save your house from wildfires with a Walmart garden hose.

Bah. snow. Wimps.

Commiecanuk said...

Anon 4:10...

I think people of GOP-ilk will be very tolerant of anyone with a tattoo of a snake on his face, just as long as he's not gay (the tattoo guy, not the snake).

People's hatred of tattoos all started with this guy. He was admittedly annoying.

bikesgonewild said...

...just wanted to point out to all the virulently vocal tattoo haters who feel the need to constantly voice their objections to an age-old art form, that thanks to you guys personally, tattoo usage world wide has fallen off precipitously...

...i should also mention that we certainly don't find yer repetition to be boring whatsoever...

...tats ???...nah, i don't have any but i'd feel pretty inconsequential if i judged folks simply for their application of some skin art...now content, therein lies a denominator in my book...

...i've seen literally exquisite work done & i've seen "what the fuck were you thinking ???" work also...so, see...i'm judgmental also but i try having a bit of an open mind...

...just sayin'...

bikesgonewild said...

...& i'd point out that red neckerson's alligator tat w/ "baby girl" scrolled under it kinda falls between the cracks in the taste vs no taste debate...

Commiecanuk said...

BGW.. the ghost of Christmas future..oooo...taking you forward to a holiday dinner, and your daughter introduces her new fiancee, ...Dave.

This shit keeps me awake at night.

Guy with a foot gowing out of his ear said said...

What was that? Sorry, I had a thought running around.

Mutt said...

Hmm...I thought this was a bike blog.

Anonymous said...

Oh yeah, button up BSNYC. The cold that you have today won't compare to the cold you'll have tomorrow.

kale said...

Freaks?

I believe it's been said, to wit Anon 3:50,4:10:

"[A]nyone want... a circus freak? That is what people with tattoos... like. Now... I am supposed to get with the times and go... freak... a person with a foot growing out of their ear or a tongue where their eye should be... clergy and republican senators... with such... lustings for... a-holes..."

Cognorant said...

Anonymous tattoo hater:

In my head you are a tiny Yosemite Sam screaming and stomping...."AAhhh hates tatoos...tattoos is sooooooooooooo stuuuupid...when ahhh says tattoos is stuupid I means tattoos is stuuupid!" Then you shoot your tiny six shooters into the ground which propel you upwards until your comically large hat falls over your eyes and a tattooed bugs bunny steals your horse..."ooooooooo! I hates tattoos!"

bikesgonewild said...

...commiecanuk...

..."well yes, son it is a little ah, different but i'm nothing if not open minded...now, were you to marry my daughter you'd be supporting her how, exactly ???...as a bike racer, you say ???...bwahahahaha, son...you are one funny guy, i gotta admit"...

Anonymous said...

!? One of those fixters in the "Fixed Gear Chicago" video was rocking a fender (albeit on a fine, dry evening). What could it possibly mean, Snob?

bikesgonewild said...

...& would dave clinger's head tat be considered a "masking agent" ???...

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 4:15pm,

It's not a fender, it's a plastic springboard. You put hors d'oeuvres on it, launch them into the air, and catch them in your mouth dolphin-style. Freestyle snacking goes over big at "sessions."

--RTMS

bikesgonewild said...

...cognorant...(dammit, blogger register that name)...funny scenario but c'mon, admit it...you've got a yosemite sam tat somewhere on yer person, huh ???...

...& bugs bunny's prob'ly got "wascally wabbit" as a tramp stamp...

Anonymous said...

I was thinking the same thing! when you don't need fenders and your fenders are easy to remove???? what a lazy bastard! damn fixed gear...ok I am just being an ass because actually that guy was rocking brakes which means what ever he does, its acceptable. At least he isn't being an imbecile like the brakeless crowd

Anonymous said...

Demian's right

Catherine's wrong; cold weather's not so bad. Just wear a hat.

I'm from Fargo, ND.

Jim said...

I notice you've been "slayin" a lot lately. Unfortunately, this term, derived from the name of the band "Slayer," has not made an appearance in the BillBoard Top Ten for nearly three years since its last appearance around #6. Simply put, it's out of date.

What should you do then, if you aren't 'slayin' on the fixie?

Looking at American Top 40, which lists the top 40 singles most beloved of the philosopher-kings who drive all marketing decisions in the United States, 13 year old girls, I see the top five singles include

1 T.I. - Live your Life
2 Britney Spears - Womanizer
3 Jason Mraz - I'm Yours
4 Lady Gaga - Just Dance
5 Katy Perry - Hot N Cold

So really, to be up to date, you need to adopt the names of one to properly (and fashionably) describe your fixed gear stylings.

T.I. doesn't work because initials don't verb well. "I'm T.I.in'" has a confusing number of vowels and periods; it sounds like a public park in Beijing. "Katy Perry'in" wouldn't work because people would never remember how to spell Katy, plus it sounds like "tasty carrion." You could say you're Britney Spearsin' when you're stylin' and profilin' on your rig, but then everybody has done Britney Spears so it wouldn't be that impressive and probably wouldn't satisfy the fixster's desire for unique conformity. And Gaga'in is reserved for babies.

This leaves fixed gear hipsters only one musically current choice to describe what-used-to-be-slayin'.

"You was Mrazzin', dog."

Anonymous said...

Nice and warm here in California. I'll be thinking of you while I'm riding... Nah. I won't be thinking of you. Why the hell would I want to do that? Enjoy your snow.

Pascii said...

Ottawa was -29 deg C (-20 F) with windchil of -37 C (-34 F). It was the same yesterday and will be the same or colder for two more days.
The grease in my BB and hubs is getting thick and stiff. I shoulda re-packed with lower temp stuff last november...or perhaps I need a bike womb to keep it warm.

I'll take cold over dumping snow any day. (that was last week's crap)

Bluenoser said...

Hey Snobbie,

One/ Is that not the cyclocross bike with fenders/mudguards. A wise choice.

Two/ What the F**K am I supossed to do with this packe up ready to go Boston Whaler Decal??

-B

J.D. Hollerson said...

Flop and don't chop your handle bars. Remove shirt and helmet. Acquire cigarette, light and passively smoke it while riding with a plastic bag dangling from flopped bars.

Bluenoser said...

And I must say that bikegonewild can hold his own anywhere, anytime in anything.

If I could have anyone looking after my backside it would be bikes...

Canuck upbringing I'm sure.

-B

Anonymous said...

"The kilometre per hour (American English: kilometer per hour) is a unit of both speed (scalar) and velocity (vector). The unit symbol is km/h or km·h−1; however, the colloquial abbreviations "kph" and "kmph" are sometimes also used in English-speaking countries, in analogy to mph, although these are not in accordance with international scientific standards."

I picked this from Wikipedia, but what it doesn't tell is what they call kilometer in Australia.

Snowbelt state said...

SCOFF!!

Bluenoser said...

I'm sure they call it just around the corner mate, in Australia.

-B

Kissyfacecutieloverboywhatever! said...

For as tough as New Yorkers claim to be, you guys are sure awful soft with the weather. It was -7 in Chicago today (feels like -35). Speaking of Chicago, those kids in the Fixed Gear Chicago "short" need to move to Wicker Park (probably already live there) the Williamsburg of Chicago.

Dilettante said...

Plural of wallaby is wallabies, Snob, you provocateur.

Fenders are mudguards here in the Antipodes, but (just to continue the small talk about the weather) we don't use them, as it hasn't rained since 1998 .

Oh, and Anon 5:57, kilometres are kilometres, spades are spades.

Anonymous said...

Like it or not, there are certain generally-accepted norms of dress, grooming, hygene and behavior which define "class." They do not include tattoos, even ones hidden from public view. Your tat(s) may declare that you are indeed a "rebel" who rejects society's norms, but they serve to exclude you from proper society.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, so stay off our golf courses.

Anonymous said...

Something which has always puzzled me is the classic lower-back "tramp stamp." The only time it's ever on proper display is when she's on her knees taking it from behind, n'est ce pas? Is this what it is designed for?

AnnaZed said...

Annon in re trampstamp: yes.

Anonymous said...

bikesnob, check your grammar. another word for nonplussed would be flummoxed; not unsurprised or unimpressed.

The Gaudy Olde Boys Network said...

How do we stay warm here in The Great Capitol Seat of the Greatest State of the Greatest Union on the face of the planet. We gather the Gaudy Olde Boys Network at take a pedicab downtown to Mellow Johnny's where the Greatest Cyclist in the History of the ReInvention of the Wheel holds us in his Strong and Loving and Warm Arms. Then we kneel at His Nikes and gaze up to the glow as his Aural and Kinetic and Static Energies fill the room with Light and "Knowledge" and We "Feel" like it's 68 degrees Fahrenheit which it probably is because this is austin.

Have we heard how the water "feels" while treading in the Hudson today?

Anonymous said...

Annazed, what does yours say?

leroy said...

"Don't know why,
There's no sun up in the sky.
Crappy weather."

Okay, so Arlen and Koehler's lyrics are better.

But Mark Twain was right.

Everybody talks about the weather, but no one does anything about it.

AnnaZed said...

Trampstamp, on my flesh? ~ not a chance. I almost fainted when I got my ears pierced for heaven's sake.

Cognorant said...

BGW:

Nope...no Yosimite Sam just a Tweety Bird flipping the bird. Ironic eh?


Anon 6:30 thru 6:35: "Darn you varmints...I says tattoos is stupid when'r you idjits gonna git it thru yer heads!!!!! OOOOOOOOOOhhhhh! Ah hates tattoos" C'mon say it like that just once?


Leroy:

Tom Roberts summed it up for me: "Unless it's threatening your family or your home, weather should be ignored or enjoyed.

Cognorant said...

Leroy:

Sorry that should be Tom Robbins not Tom Roberts

Courtney said...

Today in Des Moines (yes it is in the us) the temp was -18 with a -30 wind chill. So I don't feel sorry for you 4 is a heat wave

Anonymous said...

i am that guy in the video, and yes that is my loft my parents bought me. why be hating me for that? my parents for years provided low income people in detroit loans so they could purchase their houses. and having profited from it, they wanted to buy their bike messenger son a nice place to live.
and i am still a messenger. no loft is gonna stop me from keeping it real.

Jason Pearlman said...

No, snob, what you have is not called "crappy weather". You at least get snow. Down here, way far south in the Mid-Atlantic (Washington DC), we don't get that white stuff you NYers have all over the ground. I'd love to have some of your "crappy weather" so that me 'n my cyclocross rig can have some fun.

kerry king said...

@ Jim,

your post was lame. let BSNYC use whatever fucking musical references he pleases. if you dont like it, get out of the tattoo chair and fucking write your own crappy blog.

Haunting the Chapel said...

@ jim,

scratch that. i see you have a blog.
perhaps you should name drop TI and jason mraz there if you like them so much.

Andy Pandy said...

In the world of high performance drivng schools it is known as threshold braking. The art is to brake as hard as possible to the point of almost sliding. Once the tyres slide then the brake has no effect and you are in the lap of the Newtons Law of Conservation of Momentum with a hard on. Pulsing the brakes allows for the wheel/ tyre to regain traction and thus the braking effort is restored.

Frills, koalas live in small colonies and given that they are stoned to the beejesus most of the time, they "part-aye" alot and thus STD's are rampant. Trust that LA has a body guard to keep them at bay

Director of Housing said...

Jason Pearlman

So move.

santacruzn1 said...

Wow. Okie one casnowby

leroy said...

Hey Jim --

Great news!

It looks like Opinionated Cyclist recruited some additional fans for your blog.

And they're into music too, just like OC!

Congrats!

frilly said...

AP, sounds like he needs a condom more than a bodygaurd.

Oops, might be too late for a condom.

Jim said...

Holy shit, multiple names guy. You're right. I shouldn't criticize people on the internet, especially in jest. For gosh sakes, somebody might take offense. Then where would we be?

Oh wait a minute. Are you joking around? Because if you are, you're totally Mrazzin' me out.

Anonymous said...

I bet the pilot of the plane parked in the hudson river knows that tattoos are for losers!

Serviceburo said...

Add some heroin and a 10" child's bike and you have Portland.

Anonymous said...

this is remarkable! has there ever been a passenger airplane crash landing away from an airport where everyone survived with no life threatening injuries? Three cheers for the pilot with no tattoos!

Anonymous said...

not true, pilot reportedly had emergency instructions tattooed on his back! they werent backwards though, so the copilots had to read them.

Anonymous said...

the only people who like tattoos are those in the tattoo industry.

ed hardy: ah hah hah hah hah hah1

Prosely is not proselytizer said...

Why isn't ESPN airing the artistic driving competition?

"Three cheers for the pilot with no tattoos!"

Make it four!

bikesgonewild said...

...tattoo said "de plane, boss, de plane !!!"...& then that sucker hit the water...

Lucky said...

We run/rock a slash between the "km" and the "h". As in, km/h. That mph stuff is for you jokers.

Less rack, more metric!

kale said...

Snobodamus-

How did you know that it would be a bad day to fly yesterday? Did your vendetta against pieplates shunt all of the geese away from cyclists in NYC, only to force them to attack turbines?

I'm calling the TSA right now. Contact your lawyer(s).

Hendrik Lorentz said...

Lucky 8:12:

ms-1 would be the standard unit of velocity in metric system... I had it tattooed on Einstein's lower back.

Berserker said...

I wonder if yesterday's crash-landing in the Hudson could've been avoided if the FAA required the use of anti-bird pie plates in all commercial jet engines. Seems like a no-brainer to me.

Anonymous said...

Not sure if anyone posted this before or not, but here's something new for hipsters to put on their bikes at night:

http://www.boingboing.net/2009/01/15/bikelight-that-paint.html

christopher lee said...

during the portland snowpocalypse 2k8 i was remarking on how i would like the job of the guy who stands naked on the news station roof for five minutes then yells "it feels like 15 fucking degrees!"
that would be ideal, i'm sure it has a great health plan.

tanookidan said...

dear bike snob, you also forgot to point out the irony that occurs from around 2:08-2:14 in the video, which is that as said rebel attempts to run a light he is nearly hit by chicago police car of all vehicles. how perfect would that have been?

Anonymous said...

Hey. Super site uk weather today

http://www.medicalschoolforum.com/forums/members/weather-today.html

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