Wednesday, December 31, 2008

The BSNYC Year-End Bike Porn Extravaganza!

(Vespa and Ghost Bike in Park Slope, Brooklyn)

I'm not the sort of person who makes New Year's resolutions.  Frankly, I think they're pointless.  Actually, they're a lot like white bar tape in that they might seem like a good idea but in practice they only last a couple of weeks before getting sullied.  However, many people persist in thinking that they can change themselves after a night of heavy drinking.  And if you're a folk singer whose resolution is to become a bike messenger in 2009, you're in luck:


Messenger Bike and Lock for Acoustic Guitar or best offer - $80 (Midtown)
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2008-12-28, 8:57PM EST

Messenger bike for sale or trade. Bike needs new pedal and possibly tires that aren't bald. Comes with pretty tuff lock. I used this bike as a messenger for a few days. Brakes work fine. Steers well. Did the job, but didn't want to throw any more money into fixing it. Good deal if you have some pedals lying around and know how to work on bikes. Take a look at the picture as what you see is what you get. I bought the bike for $60 and the lock for $50 this december on craigslist. Lock is solid. Chain is a little short, but I always found a place to lock it up. You might like this bike. Let me now. Thanks.

It would appear that this person spent a few days as a messenger, only to decide that he (or she) is better suited to the life of a folkie.  I love a good lifestyle swap, and I'm heartened by the notion that as 2009 rolls in so will a new messenger, while at the same time a freshly-minted folk singer will hop a freight train and roll on out.  I'd also love to be present at the exchange, since it very well could prove to be an historical one.  After all, we are in the midst of a recession, and the timing couldn't be better for a new Woodie Guthrie or Bob Dylan.

Indeed, the times may be a-changin', but some things never change, and I'm confident that in 2009 you'll still be able to buy expensive secondhand Pistas.  Like this one:



Custom Bianchi Pista - $750 (Chelsea)
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2008-12-29, 12:23PM EST

Frame: Bianchi Pista 55cm
Custom Painted Gloss White

Fork: Chrome threded 43mm Rake

Headset: Tange Threaded Custom Polished

Stem: Nitto Jaguar Steel 90mm

Handlebar: Nitto B123 Steel 37cm
Cateye NOS Cloth Tape Brown

Crank: Sugino RD Track Cranks 165mm

Chainring: TA Specialties 48t 1/8"

Bottom Bracket: Sugino 68x103 Sealed Bearing

Pedals: MKS Sylvan Track
MKS Steel Toe Clips w/ Leather Cover
MKS Toe Straps

Chain: KMC S10 1/8 Track Chain

Cog: Shimano Dura Ace 16t Cog and Lockring

Seatpost: Kalloy 27.0

Saddle: NOS Turbo Brown Suede

Wheel: Formula Hubs 32H Solver
Sun MA13II Rims Double Wall High Polished
DT Spokes with Alloy Nipples

Tires: Vittoria Rubino 700x23c Black/Black

http://velospace.org/node/15976

Bikes was assembled over the span of the summer. Well over $1300 invested, was never ridden and still resides at the bike shop where I work as a mechanic. Due to a recent move I can not have this bikes in my apt. My loss is your gain.

The only flaw is a small dent in the top tube due to the handlebars
but hardly noticable because of the paint.

Email if you would like to come by to see the bike.

$750 may seem like a lot for a used Pista--even if it's been upgraded and supposedly hasn't been ridden.  However, keep in mind the seller has somehow spent $1,300 dollars on it.  This is a frightening sum, and it's hard to see where the money went.  I suppose some of it went into the custom white paint job, which is kind of like paying extra at a restaurant to have the flavor removed from your food.  He would have been better off wrapping the frame with 1,300 singles and clear-coating it.

Fortunately, if you feel like going down to Washington, DC, you can spend a little more than half that for a little more than half a Pista:



Biachi Pista Respectable remains of a bike jacking - $400 (Dupont Circle/Adams Morgan)
Reply to: [deleted}
Date: 2008-12-29, 9:22PM EST

One moment of thoughtlessness and my bike's now half gone. After moving from Boston to DC, I don't have as much use for it now, so I'm passing on what's left instead of fixing it up. What was stolen is the fork, front wheel, bull horn handlebars, pedals and a front brake. I actually have the headset--I replaced the original when I first got the bike bc the guy who sold it to me forgot to ship the part with the bike. He mailed it out later and now I have it to toss in. The condition of what remains I'd put at a 6 or 7. Most notably, there's some superficial rust damage on the chain and back bolts. I never left it out in the rain and generally wiped it down, so I'm confident that this is just surface stuff. The picture's kinda crummy, so I'll add that the Pista striped logo was removed by the previous owner and replaced with a eagle on the bottom bar. The eagle decal is pretty weathered/worn down. There's also a sticker on the front. Wheel is in good shape. For dimensions I've measured the inside of the frame: vertical bar: 19" horizontal bar: 20.5" bottom bar: 23.5" I can provide more and better images upon request. Thanks for your interest!

$400 negotiable...really negotiable.

I have to admit I'm impressed that the thief actually took the time to cherry-pick the bike the way he did.  I suppose removing the entire front end is just a matter of unbolting the stem and top cap, but the fact that he also took the time to swipe the pedals is unusual.  This Pista was less a victim of "jacking" than it was of embezzlement.  Of course, it is DC, so maybe the thief was a politician.

In any case, December 31st is more than just the last day of 2008.  It's also the last day for submissions to The Great BSNYC/RTMS Fyxomatosis Photo Parody Contest (presented by Boston Whaler Boats--The Unsinkable Legend).  And just in case you've forgotten what's at stake, let me remind you that the winner will receive: a pie plate; a beer cozy-elk's tooth combo pack; a Fyxomatosis chainring; a Boston Whaler decal; and some crappy t-shirt for a booby prize.

Speaking of boobies, I've been so inspired by the photos I've received that I've decided to submit my own.  I hereby present to you the "Spoke Breast:"

The bicycle in the photo does not belong to me, but I will neither confirm nor deny ownership of the novelty mammary or the paper umbrella.  If this image is causing your most recent meal to retreat back up your alimentary canal and eject itself onto your keyboard, perhaps this sepia version will be more agreeable to you:



Naturally, though, I'm not eligible to win my own contest.  (Nor, as the cycling world's worst photographer, am I even capable.)  Another person ineligible to win (despite being an accomplished photographer) is Andy of Fyxomatosis, who has also sent a submission:

It appears this model has incorrectly placed his novelty mammaries beneath his frock instead of in his spokes where they belong.

On the other hand, this submission (via the proprietors of this blog) is extremely eligible, and I must say it's got an excellent shot at the prize:


Most of these submissions are also eligible, and I present them in no particular order:


Eligible (despite having been taken 20 years ago);



Eligible (and considerate--wearing your wheels to bed totally makes the sheets all gritty);




Eligibility status pending (as this has apparently also appeared on Fyxomatosis) though in any case worthy of honorable mention; 



Eligible (and perhaps the most achingly beautiful plate photo ever taken);




Eligible (and crotchal);


Eligible (yes, that is a Cannondale track bike mounting a Giant mountain bike as a Trek road bike looks away with a Mavic wheel bag over its eyes in a vain effort to pretend it isn't happening);



Eligible (and some of the finest coiffures I've seen outside of Hairy Situations in Austin);


Eligible (and a refreshing lo-fi alternative to Prolly's Merckx porn);



Eligible (and an excellent use of the Washington Monument's phallic properties);


And eligible (though I think that water's photoshopped).

If your submission has not appeared, this does not mean it is not under consideration, or that it won't appear at a later date.  It may simply be due to the fact I haven't had a good look at it yet.  But rest assured I will be donning my judging smock in the coming days, and in due course will announce a winner.  In the meantime, I will be donning my drinking smock (a Hefty lawn and leaf bag in which I've made head and arm holes) and staying as far from Times Square as possible.  In the meantime, enjoy the holiday.  I'll be gone as of the typing of the period at the end of this sentence, and will return on Monday, January 5th with regular updates. 


150 comments:

Anonymous said...

first?

Anonymous said...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Pulverized Concepts said...

I'm still sober

Anonymous said...

top 10ish

Anonymous said...

woo

Gnarles Darwin said...

Top Five. I come for the Swag

Anonymous said...

Woot! Woot!

Anonymous said...

Top ten!! Finally!

Anonymous said...

you guys

Anonymous said...

just stop it

Pulverized Concepts said...

What's with transvestites and fixed gear? Is it common? Why don't they ride mixte frames?

Anonymous said...

Wow top 15

Anonymous said...

anon 1:11 has podium envy

Gnarles Darwin said...

I'm worried that Snobby has gone into semi-retirement prematurely. Say it isn't so. I may have to take a ride to calm down. Oh wait, its snowing, never mind. I'll stay inside till spring.

leroy said...

In other news, Chris Charmichael was seen nursing a black eye and muttering, "Jeez, all I said was I wanted to see the ball drop on TV."

theBeatnik said...

gotta love the bike pr0n.

Anonymous said...

The red Brooklyn in the shower looks like a rip off of the green Surly 1x1 in the shower that you posted a while ago. I'd also like to add that the Surly's shot was better quality, and that the view from through the steamy shower curtain left just enough to the imagination.

The Brooklyn photo is to the Surly photo what Swank is to Playboy.

Anonymous said...

None of those photos even gave me a semi.

Only tried going to Times Square once. Got as close as twenty blocks away. And a plainclothes popo confiscated my blunt.

ken e. said...

damn! should've just posted...

Mark said...

Top 20ish

Anonymous said...

The white Pista has never been ridden, yet there is a dent in the top tube. The owner has mysteriously spent well over $1300 on the bike, yet he is a mechanic in a shop so that means he can get parts at wholesale. And does it really take an entire summer to assemble a track bike? What is the point of that piece of information?

Ronsonic said...

"He would have been better off wrapping the frame with 1,300 singles and clear-coating it."

I LOL'd.

Anonymous said...

Now I know what my R400 Cannondale would look like as track bike. Thanks Snobby. Hell yeah, it's aggressive....mount that Giant....

Bluenoser said...

Snobie I'm a fan and I'm nowhere as good as you but wouldn't that be " And if you are a folk singer whose resolution is TO become a bike messenger in 2009"??

God that makes me feel good to be at the front of the correcting pack.

-B

Anonymous said...

Let's hope it's not the OC that wants a guitar. Then again, it might be fun. Get ready for plenty of Warrant, Saigon Kick, and Winger covers on Youtube.

smovlov said...

WHAT!

george said...

Happy New year Snob. It has been a pleasure to read your blog. Thank You.

Bluenoser said...

Happy New Year Snobbie.

The decal is rolled up and waiting for the winners address.

-B

Anonymous said...

Is there a chance you could post the winners address and we could all send them something?

I have some old alfredo/energy sauce that would be a perfect prize.

Lucky 7 said...

No resolutions.


A

Anonymous said...

-------
Bluenoser said...
Snobie I'm a fan and I'm nowhere as good as you but wouldn't that be " And if you are a folk singer whose resolution is TO become a bike messenger in 2009"??

God that makes me feel good to be at the front of the correcting pack.

-B
---------


Nice try, Rookie. It's spelled "Snobby".

As the old Midas guy used to say, "...first you get good - THEN you get fast..."

Peace, bitches.

Mental Yentl said...

So I says to Blanche at Rosenblatt's deli the other day, "Tell me sometink, mine friend Blanche. Vat is vit deh vhite handlebar tape dees days? Money does not grow on trees so vhy vould one poichase such a ting? Not like you can put deh handlebars in deh washink machine", I says. Back in mine day ve vould coveh our Cinelli handlebars vid brown paper bags. Dat's how I met mine Milton, may he rest in peace. He shared his one brown bag vid me on a rainy vindy day. Oysh.

Prolly said...

Thanks for acknowledging my rookie-ass photography skills!

red neckerson said...

speeking of new yeers me jimmy bob joe bob and jimmy bob boughts us 4 cases of pbr and a large bag of tostado chips and ricky comes over looks at us and sez what are you going to do with all that food?

i guess you had to be there fuck you if you cant take no joke and happy new weer

Anonymous said...

That is a hot ass shot

KOA said...

Hey that "crack and fail" mounting a Giant is the same track bike i ride...

wishiwasmerckx said...

Snob, thanks for all the good times. Best wishes for a healthy and prosperous 2009 to you and all your readers, even the OC. And remember, my friends, spandex is a privilege, not a right.

Anonymous said...

okay, i don't know if voting is allowed, but for me, it's a close contest between the MTB behind the steamy shower curtain, and the BMX in bed. I'm going for the BMX in bed, because my pal laughed her ass over that one, after a couple of seconds, when she saw what was in the bed. and so did I. Hot and steamy! winnah!

Anonymous said...

the b&w crotch shot does it for me

bikesgonewild said...

...i hope all the contributors whether they're regulars, 0:00am/pm anon-ymous-ers , podium climbers, top 10-ers or occasional post dropper's all have a great new year...

...lord knows we need it...

...no resolutions, no revolutions, no revelations...hopefully just more good bsnyc/rtms stuff in the coming year...w/ the usual interesting follow-ups...

...just, ah, sayin'...

Mark said...

Happy New Year! I guess I start the new podium race! So, my New Year's resolution is to become a bigger PODI UMHO than before!

Keep It Single Speed!

Lucky 7 said...

Second!


A


Ant1st!! for third!

kale said...

Chelsea is the new Williamsburg...tight jeans get replaced by tights...where does the u-lock go?

Mark said...

Kale, if you are wearing tights, then the Ulock should fit nicely around your thigh.

Anonymous said...

I'll ask that question on the craigslist m4t forum.

kale said...

Snobby on Family Guy?

(If you're impatient it's at 50 seconds in.)

Mark- I'd rather slip into something more comfortable than that. Like frilly's underpants if I decide to (cyclo)cross dress at the next alleycat.

bike snob mpls said...

still under 50, nice middle of the pack finish, i need a beer.....

Anonymous said...

[Dugout from the cycling folk singer archives]

How many roads must a hipster salmon down,
before he gets nailed by a aid-ride van?
How many fixies on Craiglist can exist,
before they are forever banned?
The answer my friend, is one sustained trackstand, the answer is one sustained trackstand......

frilly said...

Kale I have just the ensemble for you. Black lace boy shorts and a hot pink lace camisole. Y'know how these hipsters are into pink.

X-Eyed and Painless said...

Pulverized:

kale mentioned it, but I think the cross-dressing crossed over to fixed gear society from cyclocross culture.

I don't know exactly when. But it's traditional by this point.
Thanks for the link, kale.

frilly, This is the first time I ever felt I'd want to play dress up in decades.
You've got some secret powers, there (like my older sisters used to when they needed a child sap/model). And now I've discovered a source of neurosis/kink. Thanks!

Steven said...

Crotchal: Eeew, major veinage going on there, wait till she is older.

Most Beautiful: Eeew major disintegrating pie platage going on there, wait till she is older.

leroy said...

Well, as long as folks are commenting on the photos...

The sepia toned Washington Monument photo is brilliant.

bluecolnago said...

the pie plate submission is truly beautiful. so beautiful, in fact, that it's making me cry....

the urban cowboy said...

the drag queen with the umbrella appears to have the longest rear mudguard of all time.

Iowa personal injury said...

End of another year, but still the same old snob.

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