Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Keep It Simple, Stupid: Go Fixie!

Many people know the story of Diogenes, who supposedly wandered around ancient Greece fruitlessly searching for an honest man. I on the other hand am searching for a one-inch threaded disc-compatible fork and some sense in the fixed-gear world, and so far I've been unable to find either one. Though I rarely venture beyond my local Craigslist, a reader recently forwarded me this listing from Boston, which I felt was noteworthy in its utter wrongheadedness:


Fixed Gear/Single Speed Road Bike - $360 (Framingham)
Reply to: sale-[deleted]
Date: 2008-11-07, 5:32AM EST

I have fifteen new bikes, closeouts from 2008, at about 35% off list. Average price is $360.

I also have some winter-beater single speed/fixies, with all new components, for $190.

The sizes cover riders from 5 fto 1 to 6 ft 6.

E-mail for info.

This tiny shop is helping to make Boston the fixed-gear capitol of America.

Like Thoreau or Gandhi, we don't need Shimano's rotten, over-priced technology !

We don't need yuppies in spandex clown drag, riding high-end carbon bikes, to impress their suburban neighbors.

We don't need the WalMart lumpen-proletariat, riding their department-store junk, with those useless shocks and break-apart shifters.

We are cerebral Bostonians - Harvard, MIT, BU, BC, Northeastern, Wentworth, Berklee, MCA, UMass, Simmons, etc. We won't buy in to the bicycle industry's crap.

Keep it Simple, Stupid. GO FIXIE !

Firstly, I had no idea Boston was working so hard to become America's fixed-gear capital, though I suppose it does make sense, since they do already have their own Langster. Perhaps the city has realized that they're losing out on tourist dollars since so many people travel to places like Portland, San Francisco, and New York City to observe the latest fashions and visit their ultra-chic fixed-gear boutiques. Then again, I'm not sure how many dollars we're talking about since the average fixed-gear tourist probably crashes on someone's couch, brings his own instant noodles, and spends about $27 during a week-long stay. But in these trying economic times every cent counts. And of course right now Boston's only attraction is the real-life Cheers bar, and as exciting as that may be an entire generation of potential tourists is coming of age that knows nothing of Sam, Diane, Frasier, the Coach, Woody, Norm, Cliff the Mailman, and their poignantly funny antics. So I guess they're trying to pump up the "fixed-gear capitol" thing in order to invest in the future.

The ad then goes on to evoke Thoreau and Gandhi, and this is where I start to get angry. First of all, Henry David Thoreau died in 1862, almost 60 years before Shimano was even founded. And while Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi lived until 1948 and could theoretically have had access to Shimano componentry, his feelings towards the company would not have been based on their technology; rather, they would have been complicated by the fact that, while Japan was a potential threat to India, Gandhi did not want to support Britain in the war effort unless India was granted total independence. His aversion was to choosing sides, not choosing gears. Really, Gandhi probably would have chosen to manufacture his own homespun bicycle components, and who's to say they wouldn't have included derailleurs? (Or that they wouldn't have come in four castes: Brahmin, Kshatriya, Vayshia, and Sudra?)

The unfortunate fact is, neither Thoreau nor Gandhi lived to see Shimano innovations such as Hyperglide®, SLR® braking, and of course S.T.I.® shifting. I'm reasonably confident that if Thoreau and Gandhi were not only alive today but were also competitive cyclists that they would at least consider using Shimano components. (I'm also confident they would be the world's slowest but most interesting two-man time trial team.) Yes, I realize both men prized simplicity, but even a bike with a multi-speed drivetrain is extremely simple. The point isn't whether Thoreau would have ridden a singlespeed or a geared bike around Walden; it's that he probably would have chosen a bicycle over a four-wheeled ATV. Also, Shimano's "rotten, over-priced technology" does include track components and singlespeed freewheels and cogs, so I'm not really sure why they're being singled out here. If you really want to find "rotten, over-priced technology" you need to venture outside of the bicycle industry altogether. Have you tried to buy a razor lately?

Having besmirched the memories of two great thinkers, the poster then moves on to both "yuppies in spandex clown drag" and the "WalMart lumpen-proletariat." Firstly, I'm not sure why "spandex clown drag" is any worse than the capri-pants-and-boat-shoes Audrey Hepburn-type drag that many fixed-gear riders choose to wear. Sure, they both look pretty silly, but at least the clown drag is moisture-wicking. More disturbing is the disdain for the "WalMart lumpen-proletariat." Notice the poster hates not only the bicycles but the riders themselves. Indeed, how dare they not be able to afford better bicycles? I'm surprised he didn't call their bikes "un-Carl Farbman-like." I'm also suprised he didn't call the riders themselves "Untermensch" because that's what he seems to be getting at here.

Then again, he is a "cerebral Bostonian" (he says "we" but I'm assuming it's the royal "we") with degrees from at least ten institutions of higher learning: "Harvard, MIT, BU, BC, Northeastern, Wentworth, Berklee, MCA, UMass, Simmons, etc." And as a cerebral Bostonian, he's refrained from the decidedly lumpen-proletariat and un-Carl Farbman-like "gears are for queers," and opted instead for the vastly more eloquent "Keep it Simple, Stupid. GO FIXIE!" This just goes to prove that there are few things more dangerous than a priveleged and immature person with an expensive education. It's like a novice rider on a 300lb motorcycle with a 1000cc engine: too much power and no ability to control it.

Clearly, though, Boston is taking this "fixed-gear capitol" thing seriously. Another reader recently sent me this photo, which also appears to have been taken in Boston:

Yes, this rider is clearly adhering to the "keep it simple, stupid" philosophy. Instead of using a sensible frame, he's compensating for an extremely low front end by using a quill stem so tall it would make Grant Petersen blush. This is like kneeling on a stepladder, or turning the heat up instead of closing the window, or quieting your creaky bottom bracket by turning up your iPod. There's nothing simple about that. The rider also seems to have abandoned "rotten, over-priced technology" (such as brakes and bar tape) in favor of the much more sound and reasonably-priced Aerospoke technology. Best of all, there's a top tube pad, though considering the frame's geometry it would probably offer more crotchal protection on the stem. (There's certainly enough room for it anyway.)

But if Boston truly wants to become the fixed-gear capital, they're going to have to watch out for competition from overseas, where bike-mangling has been raised to the level of an artform:


Indeed, it seems that the people at Pedal Mafia have also finally solved the problem of having to ride your fixed-gear. Thanks to these models (brought to my attention by yet another attentive reader), you can now focus entirely on the most important part: accessorizing!








Now, I don't understand Japanese, so I can't say with any certainty whether or not these are real. But if they are real, they're dangerous. (And not only because 20- and 30-somethings are liable to place them in their mouths and choke on them.) Sure, at first it will just be a few fixters whiling away those snowy days by playing with their fixed-gear models at the bar. But then, when the ice melts and the trees start blooming, they'll find they've become so absorbed in trading and collecting that they've forgotten all about their full-sized bikes and how hard it can be to ride them. And it will only be a matter of time before they start incorporating Bratz into their play.

Personally, though, I have no interest in playing with models of bicycles. I'd much rather ride the real thing. Unless they come out with fixed-gear tub toys, that is. Between that and my bubble bath machine I may never leave the lavatory again.

124 comments:

Pavel said...

LANCED!

Anonymous said...

Podium?

Anonymous said...

Podium!!!

leroy said...

I'm simplified.

Anonymous said...

oh damn

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Anonymous said...

Ha! Phil's Famous!

Anonymous said...

pooooooooooooop

Cognorant said...

Top Ten!

....work is slow, what can I say

Frenchy aka Bike Boy said...

close... but I also read the article.

streepo said...

I can see that shop being in a business a long time. Almost 6 months!!!

masshole said...

streepo,

Been there for years. Sorry dude.

CockPuncher said...

Ah, top 20. Better than my cross race on Sunday.

Anonymous said...

ohh im going to put one of those bubble bath machines on my handle bars.......

Anonymous said...

Well well well, at least there will finally be a use for the ball busting diving board that is a Softride. I like to think of it as found art.
"Look what I found! Now, how can I make it worse???"

Anonymous said...

it is a target rich environment...

Anonymous said...

it is a target rich environment...

yonk said...

You know, you are a pretty fucking good writer. Thanks for the words, Snob.

Critical Ass said...

That's BERKLEE, not Berkley. You know, where you can learn to shred like Joe Satriani in 1988. I'm sure plenty of their alums have worn spandex clown drag, but not for cycling

ice cube said...

I was in Boston not too long ago and I saw one old man rockin a fixie. Capitol? Hardly. I even asked some people where the fixie kids hung out and no one knew? Like a unicorn or bigfoot sightings are reported and even put on youtube but concrete proof they exist is debatable.

Commiecanuk's Secret assistant said...

Clown spandex indeed, apparently the proper attire for bicycling or doing anything else is the light blue button-down shirt, khaki chinos, white cotton socks and tassled Bostonian shoes that are well-known as the traditional state costume of the Massholes.

To tie it all off, a sweater, never worn , but with the sleeves tied around the neck as if to say. "I am a Bostonian, cerebral enough to understand fractal theory of weather patterns and thus wear this gay sweater all year around in preparation, and smugness, when the winds shall turn."

Once attired properly, it all makes sense: $45,000/yr tuition for a degree in 'modern culture', and a nice $1.2M mortgage on a 1000 square foot clapboard house originally built for fishermen's assistants. Gears? what for? to be part of the Japanese anti-American conspiracy? Keep it simple..no brakes, just use your neck sweater to slow you down as sail. spinnaker..tack..etc.etc.

But Boston hails the world's leading numbers of Nobel Laureates, too bad few to none of them actually trained in Boston. Last time I was there, the science museum had a wonderful exposition ...on baseball. WTF. Too cerebral for me.

But BSNYC, you write like an obvious Skull and Bones man...

Anonymous said...

Pretty brutal rippage of a new one

Anonymous said...

Toy bikes are cool. I have a Standard STA and an Intense M1 that I doubt I will ever part with.

I would like a toy Colnago Bititan from around '95. I have always liked that bike, and will never buy a real one.

Critical Ass said...

1/9 scale....I wonder if that's the right size for my Gene Simmons doll

ice cube said...

I can't be the only one who wears spandex under my capris and a jersey under my flannel...can I??

Simpleton 4 Life said...

BSNYC you cleverly revealed that Craigslist poster in today's blog title. Nice work!

I think since Boston has such a huge population of college students, the fixie-crazed are well- or over-represented. As far as I know, having worked downtown since the late 80s and sniffing bike seats on the way to and from work and during lunch and smoke breaks, Boston had a fairly early-adopting messenger population of fixed gear users for a long time before the craze kicked in.

And since you can't park easily around here, insurance is expensive, and there's public transit, maybe not as many students are keeping cars as other college towns.

But I can't believe the craigslist poster failed to mention the Massachusetts College of Pharmacy!

Emerson College has a really solid fixie clique. Their student body seems to value visual posturing, costumes, and props more than others.

Anyway... I'll be very happy if some of the current crop become lifetime cyclists after experiencing a few seasons discovering how cheap and effective cycling around this city can be. I'm sure some will keep it up. And I know plenty of them are doing so.

Best of luck to them.

Polygraf said...

If the keep it simple/ no brake crowd wanted to keep it so simple why not commit and go clipless instead of big ass double strapped cages on platforms, ugly.
Bsny- Now that obama is HNIC, refrain from references of shows that have no black people in them.I'm looking forward to your blog being more inclusive.

And who goes around asking where the fixie kids hang around?

Anonymous said...

sometimes I wear running sweats when I ride my single speed. Of course, I have a carefully placed velcro thingy to keep my pants out of my chain. Perhaps a chaingaurd would complete the image. I like to pass the "cerebrally" clown garbbed wearing my 18lb. backpack. I eat you up....

Anonymous said...

What has Boston been famous for up to now? TBAG GERS

red neckerson said...

sumbeach

Anonymous said...

Snob - I'm not sure if the jokes on me here, but I've been looking for the same fork. Please post if you find it.

xoxo,

mn monty

ice cube said...

To see if the apocolypse had happened yet. I was looking for a bike tree to observe.

Palin 2012

dwight moody said...

When you say "MCA" I believe you were referring to Massachusetts College of Art, which should properly be shortened MassArt. Also, it's a school for barely literate people who can't do math but doodle a lot.

Jim said...

I have been asked why I am such a right wing, northeastern elite-despising reactionary crank, in spite of educational credentials and a job that kinda sorta makes me look like one of the folks I despise, my troglodytic attitudes notwithstanding.

I think that Craigslist ad from Framingham nicely sums it up, and also explains why there's a relatively popular political party in the U.S. whose main purpose appears to consist of alternately belittling, befuddling, and frustrating the northeastern elite. Consider the possibility that maybe it's not about core principles; maybe there are just a lot of people who dislike arrogant assholes who think their shit don't stink. This would also explain the problems the political party in question has in retaining swing voters, but then maybe we shouldn't confuse the leaders of a movement with the participants.

Ps. Critical ass - you have all of Satriani's Alum? I guess that explains your squeaky voice, eh?

Pps. Critical Ass - sorry, that was bad manners of me to go grammar national socialist on you. But I just can't pass up a chance to do an Alum joke. The boys in the Velocipede and Safety Bicycle club are just cracked up by that stuff. That, and laudnum. Copious amounts of laudnum.

Anonymous said...

err... joke's... mn monty

Steve Vai said...

Satch taught me how to go brakeless.

Cognorant said...

Thank god we have a guy like BSNYC who so eloquently puts someone like the Boston Craigslist ad guy in their place. Now I don't feel like I have to go to Boston, hunt him down and kick him in nuts!

Furthermore..."Shimano's rotten, over-priced technology" has made the bikes I'm interested in affordable and very usable. I have a 14 year old mountain bike with the cheapest of shimano components that has spent the last 4 years as my winter commuter in Minneapolis. Works perfectly, even ecrusted with snow, ice, salt & every other imaginable road grime you can think of.

I ride all of my bikes a lot and I ride them very hard. I don't have problems with the shimano stuff. I have problems with the stock (non Shimano)wheelsets, bottom bracket bearings, head sets etc.

The word douchbag was invented for guys like that.

Thanks BSNYC

Hannah said...

Snobby, you're smarter than the Bostonian. Should be "capital" (a, not o).

Anonymous said...

thank you snob, you're defending the sane part of the bicycle world!

The Bostonian said...

Douchebag. Not douchbag, derived from the French, le douchebag>.
...and yes, in fact, my shit does not smell.

Anonymous said...

I wonder if he dislikes the entire Shimano company. I hear their fishing gear is to die for.

Dammit, I just ended a sentence with a preposition. Sorry. That should read, "I hear that for to die is their fishing gear." There, that's much better.

bgood said...

Boston can be so lame. I live here. Like most/all places on Earth, many of the people/STUDENTS are dumb assholes and only go to college because of inherited privilege. Except me and my UMASS comrades, of course. Half the fixed gear kids are too pussy to ride past December and the other half who do barely make it out alive! Because they ride with tires that are this skinny: "__" through typical Boston potholes that are this fat: "00000000000000000000000000000"

Gnarles Darwin said...

This should bring some meaning to todays post.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lf5ojdakpq8

I always watched Cheers for Lilith.

ryanfromdeland said...

http://orlando.craigslist.org/bik/914900603.html

standover height: 83 cm

Anonymous said...

Gotta get me a few of these model bikes.

That's way better than those BMX finger bikes which were much too small for my bishoujo figures.
They need to look petite or it ruins everything. I can't wait!

Bob Seger said...

A Nishiki fixie chopper. Wish I could see that lassie with the Sparrow points from yesterday spinning on that!

Stephen P. said...

This guy sells all types of bikes, including plenty of road bikes, MTBs and commuters with all that shimano "crap". This is just an ad placed to attract a certain demographic, have some fun, and it works. I hope this bad press is good press for a friendly and super cheap shop worth driving out of the city for. This guy sells last years models just above cost and does not charge for labour. C'mon!

I'm in no way affiliated with this shop by the way, other than i bought a nice bike there a couple years ago, and would drive out of Boston to the burbs again if my dorky shimano equipped commuter bike ever fails, or if i lock it like those fools from yesterday.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, it seems the "Cebrebral Bostonian" is not aware of the term homophone. A capitol is a building, a capital is a preeminent in a special activity.

mr.complaint said...

Can you Thoreau-out the "the're"? Or at least fixie it....

Why is it that so many of these fixists sound like republicans? Tax free, non regulated, name calling Nation of Whiners.

Is that where the Pedal Id comes in? A little Pedal Ego may come in handy and some toilet training.

There is great riding north of Boston. Like NH and VT. Single speed, fixie, non-single speed, brakes even. All are welcome.

ted danson's toupee said...

Gnarles...Lilith did it for me too, I never understood the attraction to the bitchy blonde or the other fat chick.

Bostonianist said...

...maybe there are just a lot of people who dislike arrogant assholes who think their shit don't stink.

My shit stinks, it just has a better stink than others because I carefully choose what to eat and drink and I pay careful attention to presentation.

I can't understand why most people can't seem to figure such simple things out by themselves.

spokencontract said...


The Other Side
is where the fixsters hang out. there isn't a sign-post, parking meter, or fence free to lock-up to within 2 blocks of this place.
Luckily it's within walking distance of the Polo Rugby store and Urban Outfitters, so you can get a PBR the stock up on overpriced-trashy duds without losing your parking spot.

leroy said...

Okay, now I'm confused.

Didn't we figure out in yesterday's comments that Harvard and MIT were in Cambridge, not Boston?

Golly, it's just so hard to keep track.

But with all that intellectual fire power, you would think the proprietor of the tiny Boston bike shop would have known better than to get stuck with so much 2008 inventory.

Oh well, he's not the only one who misjudged the strength of the economy's fundamentals.

(Still, I can't help wondering if he would have been better served to have checked out the profit margins on spandex clown drag before investing exclusively in 2008 fixed gears.)

Still, you have to feel sorry for the guy.

I mean, all he really wants to do is make room for Specialized's New Delhi edition Langster with the portrait of Ghandi on the headset and now BSNYC points out that the Langster has a Shimano freewheel cassette.

Shucks, ain't that always the way things work?

Just when you think you have a lot of education, someone comes along and shows you it ain't enough.

Anonymous said...

leroy,

thats clever, but not correct. look up.

Anonymous said...

i agree with leroy, it is too damn hard to keep up, all i know (to put it in boston parlance) is that lilith is wicked hot, especially in that poster for chicago with her on the edge of the seat, legs just askew.....mmmm

Strayhorn said...

I'm just back from a week in Denver where I spotted the elusive fixie with a 650 front and a 700 rear wheel. I was so excited! I added it to my life list.

Not five minutes later I found a nice fixie with a top tube, "secured" to a rack with one of those dime-store chain-and-twist-lock devices.

There was a neon-green fixie outside the Rock Bottom with deep-V rims painted cerulean blue.

I saw a dentist on a Serotta and a lawyer on Pinarello - both wearing full team plumage.

There was even a Chris King headset on the local Craigslist - $55.

For a productive vacation of bike spotting, it's hard to beat Denver apparently. And I didn't even go to Boulder.

red neckerson said...

shimano fishing stuff is for elitist bullshit i say im republican but vote for obama traiters anyone whose good can catch anything with zebco stuff witch is a lot cheaper you can get it at walmart along with all yor bike stuff and the only thing a reel american get it you faggot can were when they ride bikes is blue jeans and a cotton white t shirt and fuck you anyway

yogisurf said...

The Tatsu had a fishy hippster cyst on it. Maybe the eyes light up and the tail flaps. That would cool the overheated rider on the silk road.

Critical Ass said...

Strayhorn,

Were the dentist & lawyer wearing Colorado Bike Law or Schwab Cycles kits? Most of the local douchery own at least one of the two.

Cool The Kid said...

Say what ya WANT but PEDALID PWNZ

And FKKK the BABY TRAILER BOURGEOISIE as well as the THAI FOOD DELIVERING PROLETARIAT

Fixed gear riders remain supreme

It's more than a fun activity

ITS A FGGING LIFESTYLE B*TCH!!!

Anonymous said...

somebody please tell me that cool the kid is kidding. and red neckerson is on fire today! damn! reminds me of my upbringing/hometown/kinfolk.

Camp Cupboard said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anthony said...

So if Framingham isn't buying into the bike industry's crap, where is he getting frames and parts?

Camp Cupboard said...

It's funny that angry fixie guy picks Shimano to blast, when it's the most affordable of the component triumvirate.

Strayhorn said...

Critical Ass wanted to know: Were the dentist & lawyer wearing Colorado Bike Law or Schwab Cycles kits? Most of the local douchery own at least one of the two.

The guy on the Serotta was wearing full LiquiGas kit and the Pinarello rider was wearing something in red and black - to compliment his bike's color scheme. I didn't get a chance to read the logos because I was watching to see if he'd get "railed" on the RTD tracks at 16th and Stout.

Jim said...

>>>Why is it that so many of these fixists sound like republicans? Tax free, non regulated, name calling Nation of Whiners.

Absolutely. Because if there's anything that screams "I'm a Republican!" it's an under-employed twenty-something whiny bitch of a dude in skinny jeans, with a liberal arts degree from a top tier Boston school, lots of tats, pounding PBRs ironically and doing trackstands while pining for punk bands that were dissolved before said hipster was born.

But seriously - do you write for the Onion? You could.

Lucky 7 said...

I'm switching to Brahmin Ace next season.


A

cool the kid's protege said...

LOLz PWND!

Peter Frampton said...

Do you feel like I DO!?!

Knuckledragger said...

POOP HOLE

kale said...

If you can give Boston kudos for anything it would be for consistency with annoying fans, be it for baseball, football, or cycling.

You would think with all those ivory towers someone would be able to have some sense of historical irony.

Boston: the last place for baseball integration, but MIT has a great mathematics program.

Commiecanuk said...

When you read Neckerson, it's like some haiku, simplified in a zen-like way without cumbersome punctuation.

Also, try this, read his comments aloud, record the reading, they play it backwards in a sound editor:

"kcuf uoy...awa..I luv Ralph Nader...driv lectric cars...more taxes for better educashun..."

Mark said...

Phil Hartman of Simple Life Cycles is a riot. I think he has picked up where Sheldon Brown left off as New England's SS/Fixed Gear advocate.

Anonymous said...

you had me at 'where do all the fixie kids hang out?'

HAHAHAHA - seriously, who asks that??!!

Anonymous said...

gasoline-powered engines are what separate us from the animals

Anonymous said...

RTMS, have your snakeskin Deep Vs come in? It's just that I can't think of any other reason for wanting that fork.

vegas kid said...

Dwight, barely literate people who can't do math? We get 40 million of them visiting every year.

Keirin racer said...

Don't forget that Boston is also the home of Samuel Adams Brewery! I "must" for the top of the list of tourist attractions!

Anonymous said...

kr-

eew!

Pulverized Concepts said...

Hey, BSNYC, i got a 700c, disc mount 1" threaded fork. And it's a creamy gray, which is, as you know, the new black. Beg me for it.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Pulverized Concepts,

Though I was only kidding about the fork, I forgot to mention it has to be for a 26" wheel. Crabon fiber and disc-only preferred, of course.

--RTMS

red neckerson said...

aw commiecommie you cant fool me you chew and wipe yor nose on yor shirtsleeve and scrach yor balls in pubic likes anyone else you think yor shit dont stink but yor hole cuntry stinks have i said fuck you yet i dont wants to leave nothing out i think in the ww2 we should have just captured canada and moved all of you to france where you belong id tell you to kiss my ass but people might mistake yor face with my ass and wed get arrested but theyd lock you up because you dont got no green card and i dont like moosehead beer or molskin or whatever horsepiss you commie fellers drink up their

ice cube said...

Thanks Spoken Contract,

Now ANON 4:18 and I can meet up.

Enhancement Smoker said...

I'm pretty sure Thoreau would have eschewed Shimano components in favor of Sturmey-Archer gear. Pretty sure, indeed.

And I'm quite certain that Gandhi would have been a Campagnolo man.

david said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgI1ovaYrl4

It`s not about the bike

Spokes... said...

"If we live in the nineteenth century, why should we not enjoy the advantages which the nineteenth century offers?"

Critical Ass said...

Okay...I built a Pedal ID pursuit fixie with a green Aerospoke and purple deep-V. And I'll be damned if the standover height is too tall for the Gene Simmons doll. But it fits my naked headless Malibu Barbie just perfect.

frilly said...

Oh, thanks CA. I wondered if that might be the right scale for Barbie. Finally, an alternative to the beach cruiser. She'll be riding Fakie in no time cuz you know she's multi-talented.

Gnarles Darwin said...

Yeah, tell me where I can go in Boston to find where all the Fixie Kids hang out so I can walk in there in full team kit and drink Dirty Martinis.

"NORM CLIFF"

I sure hope they remake "The Mouse and the Motor Cycle" into "The Mouse and the Fixed Gear Freestyler" he can have full sleeve tattoos and get STDs from bicycle seats that naked hipsters mice have been ridin on.

leroy said...

Dang, I was going to say something pithy, but Commiecanuck's backwards recording of Red made me laugh so hard I forgot it.

Strayhorn -- how do you know the Colorado Pinarello rider was a lawyer? Was he chasing the Serotta rider in order to serve papers on him? Was he drafting an ambulance?

Inquiring minds want to know.

kale said...

UVBN SRVD

Anonymous said...

another great post by bikesnob ... my take is that japanese industrial effort was so tapped out by that point in the war that not much in the way of components, fixed or otherwise, would have made it as far as india. as i remember my max hastings, japan just hadn't built up the industrial capacity to support an extended war.

changing the subject, Winston used to drive down the sidewalk whenever he got stuck in traffic.

bloodline said...

i'm building a genuine bicycle for winter.....oh, almost forgot the haters so here goes... a big 'fuck you'

Anonymous said...

I was going to say something witty and profound relating to the blog , but why don`t you go take a fuck to yourselves seems quite apt

sprider said...

Hey, I'm still commiserating about the over-priced razors here. I can't strop any of those double or triple throwaways, so I pay the price.

I think they need to incorporate Blatz into their play. (Or maybe Schlitz, you know, when you're out...)

Anonymous said...

Commiecanuk's Secret assistant:

Skull and Bones is at Yale in New Haven CT you fucking douchebag. Hopefully, commie c fires your dumb ass when he gets back, before you sully his fine literary standing any further with commentary like your earlier post.
Must be a Newfie.

Paul said...

(Or that they wouldn't have come in four castes: Brahmin, Kshatriya, Vayshia, and Sudra?)

None of those are actually castes, these are varnas, different from castes, there are hundreds of castes.

bikesgonewild said...

...i believe ol' red neckerson usta ride hisself a brahmin bull back in his rodeo days...

...but i mighta got that wrong...

...just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

http://www.chariandconyc.com/bianchi-pistatrack.aspx

Chari and Co is charging over a grand for a consigned pista! Oh LES, will your boutique hipster nonsense never cease?!

dmitri fofonov said...

Reading comments making me glad not to be American.

kale said...

Sprider:

FYI last time I ordered stuff from (and this is not an endorsement - Go LBS) Performancebike they sent me a Mach 5 Turbo - a $20 value! Almost worth the shame of ordering chains and legwarmers in gross.

And no, I'm not using them on my legs... which was probably the reason they sent them, and that picture of Alexandre Vinokourov's Knee.

Bob Seger said...

This is ripe for a fixie conversion:

http://velospace.org/node/15080

Put a little chickie up on back. Road roll me away...

Yankeelitist said...

Hey red:

Name of Product: Children's Fishing Poles

Units: About 1.5 million fishing poles

Distributor: W.C. Bradley/Zebco Holdings Inc. doing business as Zebco, of Tulsa, Okla.

Hazard: The paint on the rods of these fishing poles contains lead. Lead is toxic if ingested by young children and can cause adverse health effects.


Not only is it Chinese crap, it's toxic Chinese crap. Of course that was old news from 2006.

Maybe it's American crap now? Nope.

Just get a line and pole and get on down to that crawdad hole.

I'm a Shakespeare man (80s Japan - 2nd-hand), with a St. Croix rod.

Cheap isn't necessarily the best way to save money. Like 1-mil plastic sheet versus a real tarpaulin.

See you on the water, and hope they're bitin'.

rmckittr said...

The pursuit bike with the giant stem and the Aerospoke was indeed photographed in Boston. In fact, the owner saw me taking the picture and came out from tea shop where he was working to gloat about how cool his bike was. I felt horrible knowing that I was planning on sending the picture to this blog for ridicule.

CTK as whiny republican said...

Commie commie commie commie commie chameleon

They came to vote

They came to vote

*fears a black president*

If Boston doesn't have it's own Critical Mass, when it gets one you can ring the bell for the impending apocalypse

Pistadex be damned, none of this shit will matter when pointless, self-righteous activism meets the kind of cool that comes from a self-given nickname & a fixie conversion on a 40 year old Schwinn frame somewhere in BAAstin

Eff a Boston TEA party, make way for the S-K-I-D-F-G-G party

Anonymous said...

yankee-

St. Croix and Shakespeare, that's the 32lb 6160 Schwinn of fishing tackle.

I only use Scott and Simms, that way I can feel connected to the fishing experience. It's comparable to the way a fixed-gear bike is like driving a manual transmission.

Anonymous said...

Gandhi was very against the caste system.

Even a flyover lumpen-prole like me knows that.

Nick said...

I have been to the shop you mentioned in Boston, (well Framingham) to be exact it is located on the Weyland border.
The place looks like a bike bomb went off. Low line bikes and parts everywhere.
I went to buy a crankset he had advertised on craigs dirt cheap. My favorite part was the sign that read... 'any bike left for more than a week will be thrown away'. See, he's doing the bike industry a favor. every bike he throws out is another sale for Trek. Or whatever shit brand he's selling.

On my way out the door he tried to convince me to buy some deep V wheels. In any color I wanted. he had them all. effin insane. If you want I can get some photos of the place.....

Critical Ass said...

How in the hell can an ALUMINUM bike weigh 32 lbs? Even though Schwinn no longer really exists, whoever is using their name is definitely carrying on their tradition of excessive weight.

I see that the maximum rider weight is 275 lbs. That may be good news to some Clydesdales, but still leaves most Wal-Mart shoppers out in the cold.

Commiecanuk's Secret assistant said...

anon 7:15...I Never said anywhere that 'skull and bones' was in Boston. Next time you're driving through New Haven, stop in for a lecture on reading comprehension 101.

Commiecanuk said...

red, I thought we were located in Franceland.

NinetyNein said...

Two wheels are for chumps. Real men ride unicycles.

bloodline said...

99 luft balloons?

Anonymous said...

The Framingham shop, called Simple Living Cycles, does serve the cycling community by offering low prices on parts and service. His profit margin, if there is one, is definitely razor thin.

If the guy wasn't such an asshole, it'd be the sort of place you'd really respect and you'd hope for it to thrive.

Instead, I want the business to remain, but I want the guy there to have a brain embolism.

Critical Masshole said...

CTK as whiny republican said...
If Boston doesn't have it's own Critical Mass, when it gets one you can ring the bell for the impending apocalypse

We do have our own Critical Mass, have for a while. Not sure how long, '99 is as far back as I can tell.

UpstateMTB said...

I thought the soft ride was just another piece of soft ride crap... then I saw the whale...

Anonymous said...

thanks for making fun of my bike, the one with the stem that would make petersen blush. it made my day when someone came into my work and said "your bike is on bikesnob." i have no defense, youre absolutely right. i got owned. keep up the good work.

Anonymous said...

i thought those top tube pads were for people concerned about nicks and scrapes when locking up their bike. is it actually a crotchal safety measure?

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Anonymous said...

Holy crap... do you guys really cares about what is "cool" and what not? Man, get a life you stupid fashion victims, nothing wrong with originality so screw you with yours "this is not fashion so we don't like it" comments. Get real & let people do what they like 2.
Ride free & FTW (something to remember)

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