Friday, November 21, 2008

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

If you live in New York, then you love being miserable. And if you love being miserable, you probably also love cyclocross. So if you're a miserable cyclocross-loving New Yorker (or a miserable cyclocross lover with access to New York) you'll be "pleased" to know that there will be a cyclocross race on Staten Island next Sunday, November 30th. Shrouded in mystery, Staten Island is a magical place--not only because it is perpetually 1987 there, but also because it manages to make its neighbor New Jersey seem sophisticated. Also, Staten Island is ordinarily an irony-free zone, but if you're the type of person who gets uncomfortable without it I expect the organizers will bring plenty. I understand they've even secured waffle and bacon sponsors, and as everybody knows bacon is currently the ironic meat of choice.

Not only that, but this very weekend is the Whitmore's Landscaping Super Cross Cup in Southampton, LI. You may recall that this is the event at which you can win a Richard Sachs cyclocross bike. What you may not be aware of is that the promoter gets very defensive when people imply that the Hamptons air is too rarified for 'cross, and even goes so far as to assert that Long Island is "not even an island, even though it’s called Long Island. It’s a peninsula." This struck me as an absurd claim--until I learned that the Supreme Court actually did rule that Long Island is a peninsula back in 1985, which is nearly as mind-bending as that geared singlepeed. In any case, there's ironic 'cross on Staten Island, as well as UCI 'cross on an ironic peninsula.

With that out of the way, I now present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think carefully, and then click on your answer. If you're correct, you'll know if. If you're wrong, you'll see this Columbia Sportswear commercial with a unicycle in it that I saw while watching "The Chocolate News."

Ride safe this weekend,


--BSNYC/RTMS




1) Thursday morning in Brooklyn--what's going on here?

--Fallen tree + Amateur traffic direction = Clustercoitus

--There's a sale at Macy's

--Ridgewood, Queens has just been declared the "next hot neighborhood" and all of Boerum Hill is moving there en masse

--Word's gone out that a nearby bike lane needs obstructing



2) Which booming trend is not in evidence in this photo? (Warning: answering correctly reveals a person on a toilet.)

--The vintage Italian saddle trend

--The Bullhorn-Equipped Road Bike (BERB) trend

--The disc-specific 29er rim trend

--The "vintage" GT triple-triangle trend


3) What is this jersey?

--A worldwide campaign to save lives

--A worldwide campaign to embarrass cyclists

--The maillot vent for the most flatulent rider in the Tour de France

--Court-mandated after that unfortunate misunderstanding at GapKids



4) What's going on here?

--The rider is modeling Rapha's new $400 "Derelicte" knee warmers

--The rider is modeling a pair of plastic rain chaps

--The rider is sporting an essential component of the modular maillot d'incontinence

--The rider is racing cyclocross and he got tangled up in the course tape





5) Where can you buy this $4,300 Ferrari bicycle?

--Wal-Mart

--Hammacher Schlemmer

--Brookstone

--Toys 'R' Us



6) What's the most likely explanation for the above?

--Someone is both smug and anachronistic

--Someone is on the way to a Grover Cleveland rally

--Someone is on the way to Williamsburg to do some ironic cycling

--Someone is on the way to Colonial Williamsburg to do some period-correct direct-drive freestyling


7) What would really tie this p-far together?

--A top tube pad

--An Aerospoke

--A pair of MKS track pedals

--All of the above




8) What kind of contest is taking place above?

--A trackstand contest

--An irony contest

--A contest to determine which rider has most effectively sublimated a need for attention into front wheel form

--A crotch-numbing contest




9) Professional cyclist Sylvain Chavanel was recently injured in:

--A tragic Beaujolais-opening incident

--A penny-farthing accident

--A cyclocross-related groin pull

--A tragic oyster-shucking incident

65 comments:

Anonymous said...

win?

Anonymous said...

yes!

Anonymous said...

suckers!

Anonymous said...

I'll stop at the top three.

Collin said...

close

Anonymous said...

Bah!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Another top 10. All the training has paid off.

John said...

top 10?

Anonymous said...

DICK SACH

Bill said...

movin on up

Anonymous said...

could have been top ten if I hadn't read the whole stupid quiz

Simon said...

Taking up space

wishiwasmerckx said...

I don't mind my thighs and knees getting wet, but if they have penis gourd chaps, I am a buyer.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Note well that there is free shipping from TRU on the Ferrari bike.

Fleks said...

all you haters derelicte my balls

Anonymous said...

Woot! Woot!

kale said...

I was really happy to hear that the Triple Triangle is coming back. But for simplicity's sake, wouldn't a single triangle be better than a triple, especially in the world so overcomplicated by brakes and gears and such?

Alls I'm saying is I can't wait for spatter paint to come on production bikes again.

Anonymous said...

Snobby, can I request an NSFW tag for the second thumbs-up? It's definitely borderline.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:42PM:

I've added a warning at your request.

--BSNYC

db said...

Ooof, clicked it before that warning was there. Thank god I sit in the corner cube.

smovlov said...

top 30???

kale said...

It's a good thing she's shaved.

Johnny Sprocket said...

How can 3 Feet Please be a worldwide campaign when most of the world uses the metric sytem? 91.5 cms Please, just doesn't work.

streepo said...

I only got one qestion wrong. Toys r us? You gotta be crappin' me.

leroy said...

No fair!

Some of the "wrong" answers are more correct metaphysically.

And if a tree falls in Brooklyn and doesn't cause clustercoitus, did it really fall?

Ride safe this weekend.

Unless, of course, you're racing cyclocross on Staten Island.

If that's the case, then "eat waffles this weekend" because "ride safe" and "Staten Island cyclocross race" are mutually exclusive terms.

But now that I think about it, "eat waffles" and "Wolfe's Pond Park -- just down the road from the historic Fresh Kills landfill" is probably an unfortunate combination as well.

Oh well, we have another week to sort that one out.

brettok said...

@ s.t.

FigBug said...

check out my cycling blog. not as good as bsnyc, but still worth a read -- it's quick, mostly pictures.

marcus17 said...

The ferrari bike is sold out, better check ebay.

frilly said...

Nobody's mentioned it yet so I will--Jim is guest blogging on Fat Cyclist today. TG I have my own office, I cried tears of laughter. Its that funny.

Snobby, he should be a frontrunner for your next snobbatical.

worm irks said...

I've had a nick or two when shucking oysters, but thirteen stitches is serious.

That must have been one BMF bivalve. I hope Sylvain ate its ass.

grog said...

What would our bikes look like if we had three feet?
A)tricycle
B)cushman
C)toilet
D)meh

Anquetil's Mother said...

I knew I loved Sylvain Chavanel.

I too have a tragic oyster shucking incident scar. Now I know to use a towel...

Creepy! said...

Boner!

Anonymous said...

Chick on the toilet is not right. Can't be right. It's wrong in so many ways.

Should at least be Sepia.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

stream of nothing said...

almost too easy this week snob. either I'm getting better or you're on a winner this weekend.

ride safe everyone.

bikesgonewild said...

...re: chick on the toilet + beer, plenty a' beer...

..."baby, i wanna get a shot a' you when yer peeing...you know, just fer me...i promise nobody will ever see it but me, honest"...

..."fuck ya, man, if it's just for you...hey,do we got any more beers ???...let's get another fuckin' case...i love you, dude, you fuggin' rock"...

..."hey, no problem, baby, love you too, now thumbs up !!!"
...

...& so goes the course of true love & friendship in college dorms...

Critical Ass said...

Here's the podium from last year's Staten Island race.

Bill said...

YIKES! what the hell is that??!

Anonymous said...

I don't mean to stare but is the guy in the first photo a hunchback ???

Eric P said...

Have to ask: is that a pie plate on the back of p-f on back of the Prius? Could be part of the hub, but I'm not sure....

innerlight said...

meh1st!

innerlight said...

blatantlyderivative1st!

meh

Lucky said...

Figbug,
No.

Critical Ass,
YEEESSSSSSSSSS!

I've heard that if you eat enough carrots your skin will take the pigmentation.
Jersey boys must eat A LOT of carrots.
I bet they could tell you the date of a penny at 20 paces.

innerlight said...

Toy's R Us? Are you kidding?


I wonder if you could jump a shark on that "Ferrari"


meh.

kale said...

CA-

I thought that my new haircut was the ultimate Guido portrayal, I was wrong.

zygeist said...

oh no, the p-far/prius combo is from colorado... i'm embarrassed.

Critical Ass said...

Yeah, this is an R3...'cause I'm the fuckin' man and everyone should know it...

stack-up said...

I found the link about long island vs. whidbey island really interesting. also, I lost all respect for sylvian C.

Russ said...

Seriously though, what's the deal with the Ferrari bikes at Toys R Us? A $4,300 hybrid? A $600 16" with training wheels and a flag? Aren't we supposed to be in a recession or something?

Anonymous said...

Yay! I really liked 1987! Index shifting and aero brake levers had just appeared and it was just before the culture turned all to crap. Mountain bike geometry still sucked though.

p-far s733l3r said...

http://classybike.ytmnd.com/

cristina said...

ah i passed by that fallen tree clusterfuck, such good times. who knew i was so so close to the almighty bike snob.

also, it's lame that your comments are always flooded with idiots striving to be #1, or #2, or whatever else. flush em down the toilet.

Anonymous said...

Still available at Toys R Us is the Ferrari CX-31 20 Inch Girl's Bicycle. Just $749.

I'd let my daughter rock it, but the Fe-C fork sounds shitty.

Anonymous said...

geared single-speed?!
WHAT IS THIS!?

dmitri fofonov said...

All is reminding me of very old and wise Khazakhi saying.

However, am not wishing to share with you now.

leroy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
leroy said...

dmitri --

The Khazakstani adage of which you are reminded by BSNYC's reference to Sylvain Chavanel's oyster shucking mishap is well known in our country.

If I'm translating correctly, it goes something like this:

"Query: What is the difference between an epileptic shellfish opener and a sex worker with a digestive ailment?

"Answer: one shucks between fits.

bikesgonewild said...

...all you haters can shuck my bivalves...

...at least if yer comin' to my bbq...

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