Monday, July 21, 2008

Read All About It: Bikes Both Fun and Useful, Media Reveals

The Tour de France may be on a rest day, but the rest of the cycling world has not been idle. In fact, so much is going on that the mainstream media is bursting with bike-related news like a commuter's fanny pack. Here are just a few stories from the past weekend for your enjoyment:

First is this story about bike polo from Sacbee.com, which a reader posted in the comments to last Friday’s post. At first I thought a Sacbee was something you might get from riding your bicycle in hot weather while wearing jeans, but it turns out it’s simply the Sacramento Bee newspaper’s website. This article was full of informative tidbits. For example:

There are two strands of bike polo, Kennedy says. The first is played on grass with mountain bikes and wooden mallets. The other is a street version that has been adopted by bike messengers and serious road cyclists, played on asphalt or concrete, generally on fixed-gear track bikes and with mallets fashioned from ski poles or metal crutches and PVC pipe.

I was grateful to know there are two strains of the disease so that I can do my best to avoid both, though I’m more than a bit skeptical about the writer’s claim that “serious road cyclists” are playing any form of bike polo. If this woman can find a “serious road cyclist” who will ride anything other than a road bike for any purpose outside of training or racing—much less risk exposure to cigarette smoke, wear cutoff jeans and chase a ball around while doing it—she deserves a Pulitzer. The whole point of the article seems to be that bike polo is "fun," and roadies consider any riding that is "fun" to be junk miles. And in the roadie cult junk miles are not kosher.

"Bike polo players probably have more tattoos and piercings and drink more beer than the equestrian riders who drink white wine and champagne," Kennedy says. "And the urban bike polo players have more tattoos and piercings and probably drink more beer than the grass bike polo players."

This is an important distinction. In the vast and disparate world of cycling it can be hard to know where you belong. Fortunately, though, people like John Kennedy of the U.S. Bicycle Polo Association are keeping track of everybody’s tattoos, piercings, and drinking habits so the uninitiated can slot themselves right into a cycling subculture. Hopefully we can use this information to come up with a more rigorous set of guidelines, similar to the USA Cycling race category system. I’m no expert, but I’m thinking it would look something like this:

0-1 tattoos, 0-1 beers a month: Road Cyclist
1-3 tattoos, 1-2 beers a day: Offroad Cyclist
3-5 tattoos, non-earlobe piercing, 1-2 beers an hour: Urban Fixed-Gear Cyclist
5-8 tattoos, multiple non-earlobe piercings, 12 beers an hour: Messenger, Polo Player, Marijuana Salesperson
8+ or tattoos above the neck, multiple piercings in the crotchal region, 1-2 bottles of isopropyl a day, bedbugs: Tall Bike Rider, Squatter
Fake tattoos, faux-hawk: Euro-pro, e.g. Damiano Cunego

Then again, I watched the video accompanying the article, and despite Kennedy’s claim that urban bike polo players have lots of tattoos and piercings very few were evident. Could it be that sweeping generalizations are not always accurate? Shocker. Maybe Mr. Kennedy should be a little more open-minded. I for one abhor sweeping generalizations, and there is absolutely nothing worse than making assumptions about people based on their clothing or body modifications. On the other hand, I did see a sandal in the video, which can only mean one thing: the wearer is a dirty hippie.


The players are mostly part of a tight-knit fixed-gear community in which inner tubes are shared like french fries and bikes are sources of pride.

As I’ve written before, I’m apparently not a part of the “bike culture,” and I certainly know ostracism’s cruel sting. However, I was not aware of just how cruel that sting was until I read the line above. I had no idea the “bike culture” were exchanging inner tubes so freely! Of course, somehow I think “cold sores” might be a better analogy than “french fries,” but then again this is a fluff piece.

And finally:

Daniel Borman, 23, spent thousands of dollars and more than a year to build his lime-green track bike piece by piece. He once suffered about $100 worth of damage in a collision with another player.

Ah yes, time and money well spent.

Of course, while a bicycle is primarily a fashion statement and a social networking tool, it turns out that you can actually use it for transportation too. In fact, the New York Post reports that an increasing number of people are actually riding what Vogue calls “this summer’s hottest accessory” to and from work. While I was pleased to read a relatively encouraging (if cursory) news story about different people from different age groups with different professions all enjoying the practicality and fun of riding their bikes to work, I was puzzled by the writer’s claim that bike commuters were “once an easily stereotyped, homogeneous collection of death-wish daredevils.” I don’t think there was ever a time in any city where bike commuters were seen as “death-wish daredevils.” That’s like implying there was once a time when Hassidic Jews were seen as scantily-clad sex symbols, or when drivers of German luxury cars were seen as practical and modest individuals with no genital-based insecurities whatsoever, or when Vin Diesel was seen as a good actor. That said, I wish there had been a time when commuters were seen as “death-wish daredevils,” because then maybe bike commuters would have had their “Quicksilver” movie equivalent. It probably would have starred Matthew Modine and involved lots of scenes of him dodging cars on a hybrid while wearing khakis and pant cuff clips and a striped polo shirt with sweat-drenched armpits. In the end he’d probably have incapacitated the villain by blinding him with an LED light and then fastening him to a lamppost with a bunch of bungee cords. (All while wearing his helmet backwards, of course.)

But while bike commuting has heretofore been mercifully free from the whims of fashion, with more and more people hopping in the saddle you can expect that to change. A reader alerted me to this article in the Globe and Mail (warning--this is a Canadian periodical and as such contains gratuitous usage of the letter "u") about the increasing pervasiveness of what I call the "Beautiful Godzilla" phenomenon. In case you didn't know, bikes are now "so trendy and so hip and so 2008." And because of this, people are waking up to a whole new set of important considerations, chief among them being "awkward bunching" in the "crotch area." That said, I actually learned a lot from this article. I particularly appreciated this useful bit of advice:

Don't wear chunky bangles. They will hit your hands as you are braking. Ouch!

I must confess this has been a problem for me, so this morning I didn't put my bangles on until I arrived at work, and I'm pleased to report that my hands do feel a whole lot better. Thanks Globe and Mail! (I do miss the pleasant jingling sound though.) My only concern here is that this article could result in some unfortunate trends down the road. Thanks to the fixed-gear trend men are already wearing skin-tight capris with abandon, and it's only a matter of time until they become emboldened enough to make the move to skirts. (Due, of course, to the superior crotchal ventilation.) Hey, I think everybody should be free to wear whatever they want, but as one of the interviewees in the article points out about riding in a skirt, “You have to be careful about flashing.” And let's face it--there's good flashing and there's bad flashing.

Lastly, yesterday the New York City triathlon took place. Apart from being the best place to see aerobars set higher than saddles and flat pedals bolted to carbon fiber cranks, it was also apparently the best place to leap into a polluted body of water filled with stinging jellyfish. In fact, conditions were so brutal that for the first time in the event's history a competitor actually died during the competition. Obviously there is nothing funny about somebody dying, but there is something abjectly horrible about triathlons--especially ones that include jellyfish attacks. If you're still not convinced that triathlons should be avoided at all costs, perhaps this will help persuade you. It's almost enough to make bike polo seem attractive.

82 comments:

Anonymous said...

1rst runner-up

genersal lsmenedd said...

thank you

Anonymous said...

PODIUM!!! Two times in a row!

Shiny Flu said...

my life is now useless. I failed podiumness.

Anonymous said...

Number four ain't on the podium you numpty.

Anonymous said...

Lucky 7!




A

Anonymous said...

I actually read the post. All of you upgrade points scramblers should be relegated.

Anonymous said...

that othe shrek...andy

Brendan said...

1-2 beers a day for mountain bikers? Really? That's all?

Well, you do live in the Big City and all so maybe that's what passes for a mountain biker around there. Do the guys ride mtbs in skirts for the crocth ventilation in NYC? I oughta try that sometime in the local pickle parks outside of town and see how it goes...

Anonymous said...

top ogre!

Anonymous said...

Who the hell would ride their bike to work? That's crazy. I do take mine to the Billy when I go out though (usually by G-train or cab)

Anonymous said...

According to this crap, I should be an off-road cyclist. I thought I was a serious road cyclist, dammit (evidenced by the SPD's on my Specialized Allez and my knee socks).

Can't these polo kids just make bongs out of their spare PVC pipe and leave the park to the preschoolers?

AnnaZed said...

Maybe not skirts, but one of these would e cool (sorta):

http://www.utilikilts.com/index.php?page_id=46mfore4four

Anonymous said...

first!

AH said...

Anna--
I noticed that the leather kilt costs $666! Skirts, leather, and the number of the beast; where do I sign up?

Anonymous said...

They only want you when you're seventeen When you're twenty-one You're no fun They take a polaroid and let you go....

Anonymous said...

"Sometimes I think twice, but not very often."

Nice.

Jellyfish are the new potholes.



A

LK said...

"...When I'm riding I look into parked cars to see if there's a head."

The Post does it again!

Anonymous said...

Okay, a brilliant post.

But don't think we all don't recognize what you're up to.

You're trying to to divert our collective attention from those reports of Floyd Landis skulking away, oil can in hand, from the descent on the Col Agnel yesterday, muttering about how no one with ordinary testosterone levels can climb the Alps with a broken hip.

And anyway, real bike polo cognoscenti know the sport is played with training wheels or on racing trikes.

Anonymous said...

I like the determination of the second place guy...
seems like hard drinking is the best way to prepare for a Triathlon.

Brent McMahon, a member of Canada’s 2004 Olympic triathlon team, was among those affected by the heat. He was in second place in the men’s professional category when he collapsed a few feet from the finish line. He was attended to by medical personnel, then crawled across the finish line, placing fifth, and fainted. Burke said he had since recovered.

Anonymous said...

Snob, the "Beautiful Godzilla" link is broken...or is that meant as some sort of cosmic message that I am taking too literally?

Anonymous said...

Jellyfish in a triathlon? Come to think of it that's a good fit, since triathlons already are the reality show of endurance sports. In addition to jellyfish, make competitors eat weird stuff, vote each other off, and have the male and female winners agree to marriage and no doubt CBS would pick it up. A Survivor, meets Fear Factor, meets the Bachelor if you will.

H

Anonymous said...

Props to anon @ 1:43 who posted Ladytron lyrics.

kurtz said...

Jellyfish isn't the only problem:

Autopsy Confirms Type of Shark That Killed Triathlete

http://www.sandiego6.com/news/local/story.aspx?content_id=eaa21718-f195-450b-8f06-bd26317c931c

Anonymous said...

thanks deliciousfood.

Anonymous said...

From what some competitors in the article said, the jellyfish were a benefit. An incentive to finish the swim portion faster.

The sting lasts a few minutes.

The PB lasts a lifetime.

So don't be surprised to see jellyfish prominently featured in IronMan advertising.

Anonymous said...

Lost a rig in Toronto? These guys have 1500 or so of them.

http://network.nationalpost.com/np/blogs/toronto/archive/2008/07/21/bicycle-clinic-raids-have-netted-1-500-stolen-bikes-police-say.aspx

Anonymous said...

mr. nyc,

i enjoy your blog, but you have crossed the line by insulting vin diesel. he was robbed when he didn't receive a single nomination (oscar, golden globe or even razzie) for his role in "the pacifier". he is truly an under appreciated master thespian, and i would have expected you to realize that.

also, your "beautiful godzilla" link is broken.

Anonymous said...

whoops, sorry about that - someone else pointed out the broken link already - i should have read all of the comments.

Anonymous said...

NYC bike commuting remains impervious to "subcultural" fashion and trendiness--it's just New Yorkers dressing as they usually do, but riding bikes:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/bicyclesonly/collections/72157603553344699/

I hope that never changes.

rusty said...

"so this morning I didn't put my bangles on until I arrived at work, and I'm pleased to report that my hands do feel a whole lot better. Thanks Globe and Mail! "


Brilliant

mhandsco said...

I like Vin Diesel. He's got charisma.

Mongo Pusher said...

Vin Diesel, a man of many talents, also makes a pretty good cyclocross bike.

Matt Boulanger said...

I just came here to say that if you spent more than a year putting together a lime-green track bike, it would be pretty easy to do $100 in damage to it.

broomie said...

Triathlon training is more manly simple cycling. Not only must we contend with autos and catastophic carbon failure, we dodge sharks jellyfish and suffer blisters on our footsies!

Be aware that like cross-dressing and prescriptin painkiller abuse, triathlism isn't always easy to detect. Your best riding buddy may be a closeted triathlete. Here are some signs:
1) his/her arms resemble something stronger than a noodle.
2) Their shoes open the wrong way.
4) They destroy you on any climb and can hammer for hours but only ride twice a week.
5) Show up for a group ride in 'low-rise' shorts with a 5 inch inseam.
6) Their sunglasses are worn under the helmet straps.
7) They describe a running experience as 'fun'

Anonymous said...

BSNYC....great stuff. Still laughing about dirty hippy and Vin Diesel. You obviously had a very bitter weekend. Keep up the good work.

Joshua said...

Sorry, this is a bit off topic for this post, but I wanted to alert everyone to a fierce new presence in the world of competitive non-competitive cycling.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymii 1:59 and 2:20,

Link is fixed--sorry about that.

--BSNYC

Anonymous said...

Bike polo has been overtaken by philistine colonial commoners.
We select few enjoy bike lawn bowling, although the maids do complain about the stains on white lycra.
Nothing a little threat of deportation back to Elbonia won't fix.

pip pip.

Anonymous said...

lube your chain, you're getting dry.

Anonymous said...

Sir,

The proper expression is "traiffe", not "not kosher".

Thank you.

ice cube said...

Sandals and bicycles..... Bike polo and sandals....These guys are out of the butt and into the fuck as far as I am concerned.

Anonymous said...

marijuana salesperson,
you got me.
j

Anonymous said...

Joshua --

Thank you for the public service announcement concerning the fierce new presence in competitive non-competitive riding.

We really should inform the young man who smoked the roadies in the MS ride and now has a sore butt that Loire Valley Foie Gras has magical properties when used as a chamois cream.

And of course you are supposed to get it all over your shorts.

Anonymous said...

Anon 4:08 -- I believe both expressions, "trayf" (the Leo Rosten spelling) and "not kosher" are both acceptable.

But trayf lends itself to a better memory device sung to the tune of "Hot, Hot, Hot":

We're eating glatt, glatt, glatt.
Trayf is not, not, not....

Chorus:
Oi vey, oi vey.... Oi vey, oi vey.

Oi vey, oi vey.... Oi vey, oi vey.

**********

Thank you. I'm here until Friday. Try the Mandel Bread.

ice cube said...

What the hell are you talking about?

ice cube said...

I see now. You're one of the chosen people, like mormons.

Anonymous said...

i dont like when hippies ride the bicycle. they sully up the reputation of all biker with their hair helmet and tevas...

Anonymous said...

That hideous link from friday's post:

Porn starlet? Alternative transport? Fofonov this:

http://www.picsmaster.net/gallery/atk/e1fa2b/15.jpg

http://www.picsmaster.net/gallery/atk/e1fa2b/06.jpg

July 20, 2008 1:55 PM

Did you notice the top scribblings? Is THAT kosher??

bikesgonewild said...

...if "any publicity is good publicity" then by letting pierced & tatted, cycle-polo-playing fixsters get under your skin, bsnyc/rtms, you've wasted more metaphorical "ink" (read pixels) than all the actual ink, of all the actual tattoos under the skin of all those said actual objectionable people...

...just observin'...

...& although you've alleviated your "chunky bangle/but enjoyably musical hands" problem, what are you doing about riding in heels ???...ever get caught, as the article suggests, in your rat traps, perchance, like an hot evenings austin, texas sidewalk ???...

...just wonderin'...

...& i heard the competitor who "actually died in competition" did so because he didn't wait two(2) hours after eating his pre-race peanut butter & jellyfish sandwich before entering the water...

...just disgusting...

Anonymous said...

ice cube --

Everyone in Brooklyn knows at least a little Yiddish --chosen or not.

Just like every roadie this time of year sounds a little bit like Maurice Chevalier in Gigi -- French or not.

You can sing along ....

"Thank heaven for little hills...."

***********

Merci. I'm here until Stage 21. Try the EPO.

Anonymous said...

Commiecanuck, Elbonia? Be careful, that's where the elbola virus comes from.

Anonymous said...

Commie-For the less genteel, there's apparently bike boxing.

http://autos.aol.com/article/news/_a/clash-of-wheels-mars-portlands-bike/20080721102509990001?ncid=AOLCOMMautodynlsec0004&icid=100214839x1206160946x1200300377

Just for you Leroy--Portland schmortland.

bikesgonewild said...

......stage manager's list......
***********************************
...'***monsieur leroy show***'...


...(near end of show)...
...cue #2 video/audio tape: 'cadel evans crying softly in background while wearing 'silence/lotto' jersey'...play promptly @ completion of line "sank 'eaven for lettle 'ills"...

...(cue for finale)...
...@ "merci...i'm here until stage 21...try the ee pee ohh"...fade to dark, wait for applause & slowly bring up 'house lights'...
...(cue for inevitable encore)...

veloben said...

leroy,

That's the Harvey Mandelbrot right?

For shtot machers it's traiffe, for shtetlnics it' trayf.

If you're from Chelm, then you use 'not kosher'.

Catchy tune. Maybe I'll sing it on my next ride.

bikesgonewild said...

...frilly, cheri...

...i can get tickets for the new "monsieur leroy show"...i know the stage manager...

...interested ???...i hear it's getting great reviews...

jb said...

it's only a matter of time until they become emboldened enough to make the move to skirts.

Too late...

Kilted
Bikers

ice cube said...

I'll study some yiddish so I don't feel so left out. My heritage anyways, I guess I should.

Anonymous said...

Veloben --

Or you could hum the catchy tune from the country music vesion of Fiddler on the Roof.

"If I was in Richmond...."

BGW & Frilly --

http://tinyurl.com/3yfrwv

Anonymous said...

Sorry, sweetie, I hear the Poconos are lovely this time of year but I just can't get away. I'm on a tight training schedule for my upcoming jellyfish dodge.

Anonymous said...

And, I certainly don't want to take a chance on getting jammed up on the cycling portion by some unsightly crotch bunching.

Anonymous said...

Forget the capris...way too much testicular fortitude is bulging forth with the SUPER TIGHT and SUPER HIGH CUT jean shorts.

They are a must have for your summer sausage!

Anonymous said...

Don't forget the goose cheese.

bikesgonewild said...

...ah, non, frilly...but such a shame d'accord...

...because leroy...your one man show about a young yiddish girl touring america on a recumbent "yentl on a 'bent-yl" was such a rousing success, i saw great fun in escorting frilly to see your new 'monsieur leroy show' featuring the theme "le follies de la tour, mai oui, encore !!!"...

...i heard rehearsals were a scream w/ "le peleton chanteurs" dressed in the various "maillots" singing the joys of "le ee pee ohh"...& the 'finale' not always being scripted 'til the last moment...

...just "c'est la vie"-ing...

Unknown said...

QOTD

“I was in the middle of a stroke, and whammo, it bit me right in the face; the pain spread across the side of my face and down my neck,” said Charlie Redmond, 59, from Demarest, N.J.

Thank you, Gray Lady.

Anonymous said...

Isn’t the Tour going through the Crotchal Region in the next stage, cos I distinctly remember Fab Phil telling us that they renown for fine steamy crustaceans/ crabs , oozing creamy cheeses, quaint cultural costumes made of leather thong straps and 13th century castles….. Just educatin

And I thought that they Tour was on yesterday as I watched it for hours and it seemed to be exactly the same as all of the other daze except for when the Cobra broke all land speed records

And what does it mean if I have beer in my Camelback biddon and hash cookie energy bars

Anonymous said...

Do beer in the Camelback and hash energy bars mean that you're probably from Portland?



A

Anonymous said...

man!!! I want to play a game that is totally lame and offers plenty of opportunity to spend money replacing bike parts as well as paying hospitals...I love how the last second of video showed all the proof dimwits need to confirm what I already knew even though I have never physically tasted the air around a bike polo game. Friggen dumb ass game and thats all there is to it!!!

Anonymous said...

DEREK!!!! great post!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Wait, I'm not sure what category I belong in. No tattoos, no piercings, daily beer and ride road and single speed. I also think the fixed gear kids should be fixed.

Oh, and I live in Portland.

sprider said...

anon 9:59, you're kind of like Kevin Costner's character in that epic film "Waterworld". You don't belong anywhere and are destined to cycle the world alone, ala that other epic film "The Postman", until Tom Petty shows up to save your sorry chamois.

Anonymous said...

You guys are such... guys. Everybody knows that you just push your bangles up your forearms so that they don't slide and interfere with braking. Amateurs.

Anonymous said...

Inguinal region Snob, inguinal.

Anonymous said...

riding in bangles is SOOO Zapata Espinoza. Which is to say, rad. Elevated chainstays are here to stay!
mb

Unknown said...

Damn -given up drinking and drugs,only four tattoos,okay-two of 'em are kind of big-I'm not worthy of being a messenger!Now I know I gotta get "MESS SCUM"on my knuckles just to set the record straight........:)

andwags said...

You are the ying to bike culture yang: there's a little bike culture in the Bike Snob just as there is a little Bike Snob in Bike Culture.

Anonymous said...

I did the 2008 NYC Tri. The jellyfish bit was way overplayed, but you are dead-on about some of the bikes. Nothing funnier than passing some dude sitting up on the hoods while riding a new tri-specific carbon fiber wonder bike with an aggressive aero bar and deep Zipp wheels. Just owning the stuff doesn't make you go faster... (Kinda like marrying that trophy wife doesn't make you younger). It seemed like most of the NYC boys forgot to get out of Central Park and train some hills. Saw more than one laying on the side of the West Side Hwy, trying to catch their breath on the way to the Bronx.

Anonymous said...

I read this in Sunday's paper and the writer used the terms fixed gear and track SEVERAL times without explanation. I was becoming quite concerned until 2nd page, column 3: "Fixed-gears differ from traditional bikes because they don't coast and don't generally have hand brakes. Riders must pedal constantly for the bike to move and apply back pressure to the pedals to stop."

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh....I need a cigarette now.

DadRyan said...

I prefer Gin and Juice in my Camelback, but damn those hashcookie power bar thingies sound great man!...

Anonymous said...

In the beginning:
http://blog.modernmechanix.com/2008/07/21/cyclists-maneuver-galloping-bikes-in-novel-polo-match/

el7osiny said...

Thank you for the wonderful effort

إني تذكـرت والذكرى مؤرقـة * مجـداً تلـيدا بأيـدينا أضعـناه
أنَّى اتجهتَ للإسـلام في بـلـدٍ * تجْده كالطيرِ مقصـوصًا جناحـاه
كـم صرفتنا يـدٌ كنـا نـصرفها * وبات يـملكنا شعب مـلكناه
بالله سل خلف
بحر الروم عن عرب *

بالأمس كانوا هنا واليوم قد تاهوا
وانزل دمشق وسائل صخر مسجدها * عمن بناه لعل الـصخر ينعـاه
هذى معـالم خرس كـل واحـدة * منهن قامت خطيبـا فاغرا فـاه
الله يعلم ما قلبت سـيرتهم يومـا * وأخطـأ دمـع الـعين مـجراه
يا من يرى عمـراتكسوه بردته * الزيت أدمٌ لـه والكـوخ مـأواه
يهتز كسـرى على كرسيه فرقـا * من خوفه ، وملوك الروم تخشـاه
يا رب فابعث لنا من مثلهم نفـرا * يشـيدون لـنا مـجدا أضعنـاه

el7osiny said...

Thank you for the wonderful effort

إني تذكـرت والذكرى مؤرقـة * مجـداً تلـيدا بأيـدينا أضعـناه
أنَّى اتجهتَ للإسـلام في بـلـدٍ * تجْده كالطيرِ مقصـوصًا جناحـاه
كـم صرفتنا يـدٌ كنـا نـصرفها * وبات يـملكنا شعب مـلكناه
بالله سل خلف بحر الروم عن عرب * بالأمس كانوا هنا واليوم قد تاهوا
وانزل دمشق وسائل صخر مسجدها * عمن بناه لعل الـصخر ينعـاه
هذى معـالم خرس كـل واحـدة * منهن قامت خطيبـا فاغرا فـاه
الله يعلم ما قلبت سـيرتهم يومـا
* وأخطـأ دمـع الـعين

مـجراه

يا من يرى عمـراتكسوه بردته *

الزيت أدمٌ لـه والكـوخ مـأواه

يهتز كسـرى على كرسيه فرقـا * من خوفه ،

وملوك الروم تخشـاه

يا رب فابعث لنا من مثلهم نفـرا * يشـيدون لـنا مـجدا أضعنـاه