Friday, June 6, 2008

Theme Bikes: Brilliance Rides a Fixed Gear

Many of you will remember "The Riddle," which has heretofore stood as the single greatest fixed-gear bicycle ever built. (Million dollar Koga Miyatas notwithstanding.) The product of a one-year sabbatical and almost unfathomable self-importance, so mighty is "The Riddle" that I hardly even bother looking at Fixedgeargallery these days, since I know nothing will stir my spirit like "The Riddle" once did. After you've seen "The Riddle," ordinary bikes just don't move you anymore. It's like listening to ordinary guitarists and then hearing cheesemongering neo-classical metal virtuoso Yngwie J. Malmsteen play. You just can't go back. (And sometimes you can't stop vomiting either.) I mean, after "The Riddle," why even try, right?

(The Riddle.)

Well, thank goodness for ambition. Also, thank goodness for attentive readers, for without them I might not have been alerted to the existence of a bike that may rival "The Riddle" in terms of sheer conceptual brilliance. I now bring you "Trail of Tears 2k8:"


In the owner's own words, this bicycle is a "commentary on both moving away from a metropolitan area of Florida to rural New Mexico after graduation, as well as the similarities shared between fixed gears, and native American art in the sense that something that at one point was used for a very specific reason is now grown to the point of being so mainstream that is is almost kitschy, ie. Dreamcatchers!"

In addition to an integrated dreamcatcher it has moccasin toe clips:


Assuming this is not an elaborate hoax, this bicycle was actually displayed in a gallery somewhere. I also find it interesting and inspiring that both the owner of "The Riddle" and the owner of "Trail of Tears 2K8" hail from Florida, where it would appear that the heat is boiling people's brains and driving them to a frothy state of advanced creativity which is bordering on insanity. Still, though, I think "The Riddle" reigns supreme, for no other reason than the fact that the owner spared no expense nor kowtowed to any deadlines, self-imposed or otherwise. On the other hand, the owner of "Trail of Tears 2K8" admits that "there were other additions i wanted to make to it such as the Saddle and respoking the wheels with bead designs but alas time was against me." For shame, owner of "Trail of Tears 2K8." For shame.

Still, though, kudos to the owner for building a bicycle that will surely be an inspiration to many as well as an affront to any Native Americans who may see it. I am looking forward to his next project, which I hear will evoke the Jewish diaspora and will also feature a top-tube tallis and bars wrapped in teffilin.

But you don't have to go to an art gallery to see a brilliantly executed fixed-gear. Sometimes you see them on the street. Following is a bicycle which was photographed on the streets of Chicago by courier Kyle Goodmaster after being alerted to it by his friend Kris. (By the way, Kyle asked me to say "Sup...Kyle Goodmaster and Kris King own Chicago," and pending any evidence the contrary I have no problem with that. So, "Sup...Kyle Goodmaster and Kris King own Chicago." Take that, Abe Froman.)






I realize the angles of the photographs are a bit disorienting, but the photographer is a courier so I wouldn't be surprised if there were intoxicants involved. Also, BMCs have inherently disorienting angles in and of themselves. Together, it's enough to turn your stomach. (Especially when you're a bit hung over--trust me.) From any angle though it's clear that we're looking at one of the most excessive fixed-gear conversions ever assembled. From the BMC frame to the Zero Gravity brakes to the Record carbon levers, it's the very antithesis of the street bike.

Of course, when you're pushing this much high-end stuff you don't want your bike to get stolen, so you lock it carefully:

Oh yeah, that's not going anywhere.

Finally, I'd just like to take a moment to acknowledge another milestone. I've actually been translated into Italian, which is a beautiful language widely spoken on the Italian peninsula:



I'll be completely honest with you--I don't speak Italian and I have no idea what this website is about. But I was flattered someone wanted to take the time to do a translation. Also, since I don't speak Italian I can't vouch for the translation's accuracy. However, I did take a moment to run it through an online translator:

Lately I have received some comments a po' acids, type this: " You take in turn the doctors, the dentists and the lawyers because often they have of the bici to fixed release. But if you are truly a purista of the bicycle, because instead writing you do not go to pedalare? ". This tizio is mistaken? Certainly. Escapes the kernel of the issue? Decidedly. It has a twisted mind? He is probable. However or, its comment has made me to reflect for some minuteren. Therefore today, instead criticizing, I would want to speak about the nature of the cycling.

That seems about right.

100 comments:

Anonymous said...

2nd?

rich said...

podium

Anonymous said...

Podium, please, please!!

amir said...

amir is always #1!

daddo.one said...

doh!

Anonymous said...

top 10!

marypoppins said...

: /

Anonymous said...

"This project has been almost two years in the making, from conception to birth" -The answer to the riddle should have been an abortion.

Anonymous said...

8 is great

sh said...

thank goodness for ambition.

indeed.
you're in top form today, bro.

Concept Photography said...

"The Riddle" has stirred me. The "trail of stuff 2k8" is also very moving. I feel the need to make up a pretentious story about my own bike now. How it is a window to the world and reflects the social injustice that..........

Nahh, it is a bike with a bent wheel some rust and some not cool brakes and fenders. It is a homage to a clean back, stopping in traffic and getting to work on time.

daddo.one said...

where is that bmc? i want it to sell for parts - i think i can unload evrything but the front wheel!

LoRoK said...

Ionno, I think that BMC is like a lure, put out by cops to get someone to try and steal it. They were putting it together and looking up prices online and were all, "this is expensive, let's put it on there." I just don't believe that someone would drop that kind of cash then be that stupid. Wait... maybe that's why they spent so much to begin with. I take it all back.

Cottered Crank said...

Eewwwww! I had somehow managed to miss the Riddle the first time around. Er, thanks, Snob. Now where did I put the Alka Seltzer?

You are correct; Trail of self absorption almost seems benign after reading of the challenges and the creative solutions detailed ad nauseum in the Riddle Documentation. Man, I gotta go for a walk!

Anonymous said...

oh my god, i was hoping that i would see the indian bike up here. i actually live in the same small ass backwards town of sarasota, fl that the bike and 'bike-whisperer' is from. d-bag to the max...or some other late 80's early 90's lingo. sad thing is, the bike underneath all that leather is a nice looking frame.

areUpake? said...

Snobby, so I think there is one major difference between the riddle and trail of tears is that the riddle was 100% genuine in building his bike. Trail of tears was some dumb art student in Florida that while curling on peyote got confused and though his fixed gear was a dream catcher. This experience not only lead to the creation of trail of tears but also resulted in a pilgrimage to New Mexico... for more hallucinogens.

mr.complaint said...

!Dreams travel in the crosswinds?!?

Porcupine said...

Holy shit at that BMC. Really?

Bluenoser said...

That's it. I'm building a bike with an integrated lobster trap in the triangle.

-B

Anonymous said...

Really should stop reading this at work. Co-workers are wondering why I keep laughing. "Trail of Tears" bike is too dang funny..

Anonymous said...

I love the fringed leather grips!

Reminds me of a Hopalong Cassidy middleweight.

I'm holding out for the Shelby Donald Duck fixed gear with sailor cap styled cycling cap, and long to ride it accompanied by Uncle Scrooge on his Rivendell.
The nephews can go huff paint by themselves like usual.

ice cube said...

Oh my god I saw the trail of tears this morning and almost, almost didn't believe it. I guess it could use some aerohead wheels or giant dishes with an airbrush painting of a squaw in a blanket with a wolf in the foreground and a lightning storm in the background and like a really old indian lady crying in canyonlands.

ice cube said...

Or just Thunderbird and MD 20/20 labels..

Anonymous said...

bluenoser,

be sure to include an integrated rum'n'coke holder for when you take it to time trial around the LiquorDome. But you'll need a brake for Citadel Hill I reckon. My rickshaw sure could have used one circa 97, couple tourists got a real thrillride.

Bluenoser said...

Or how about the MacDonald's bike with the Golden M for handlebars, A cheeseburger for a seat and clown-shoes instead of toeclips.

-B

Bluenoser said...

Holy crap Annon 1:23 is a real Haligonian

-B

leroy said...

BSNYC --

Your reference to the top tube tallis reminds me....

When performing the bris milah on a new bike, does one snip the seat tube or focus one's attention on the headset? And if the latter, where exactly?

You'd think with the confluence of cultures in Williamsburg that someone would have figured this out by now.

But raise this important question and people look at you like you're farblondjet.

(BTW -- I think every one of us has had a Trail of Tears bike at some point -- a bike that sits unused for so long that spiders weave a dream catcher in the frame. Truly sad.)

broomie said...

As bad as the Riddle and the ToT2K8 are, somehow the BMC is more offensive. It's like a Faberge skateboard. Something about it makes me want ot steal it on principle! Which is really upsetting to me, because I loathe bike thieves. I feel ashamed and all wrong inside.

ice cube said...

The guy forgot to cover his seat with a horse blanket.

Camp Cupboard said...

Oh Florida, it's all true, every last word. I narrowly escaped with my ability to add fractions and put dirty laundry in the washing machine (NOT the dryer).

BikeSnobNYC said...

Leroy,

A fixie bris is the ritual removal of the front brake.

--BSNYC

You like-a da blog? Ehh?! said...

BIKE SNOB NYC is a cyclist of Brooklyn. On the blog it tells the passion of the New York for the bike, particularly for the fixed gear, without brakes and with chassis from race. This articulate it is gone out with the title Mused and confused: pondering the natures of cycling.

Anonymous said...

sundayrideinmexico.ytmnd.com

!!!

Anonymous said...

http://www.fixedgeargallery.com/2008/may/3/CharlesAbadie.htm

I think this guys needs some applause for his chainring bending "balls out skiddy".

Commiecanuk said...

This is the first paragraph of your blog translated to Italian, and then back to English.

Many of you will remember the " The sieve, " which previously it has been raised in feet like single the greater bicycle fixed-gear has never constructed. (Million dollars Koga Miyatas although.) The product of a self-importance of a year, thus of vigorous sabbati to us and nearly impenetrable ones is " The Riddle" that hardly even I worry myself to examine Fixedgeargallery currently, since I do not know nothing will stir my spirit like " The Riddle" it has made once. After you' " seen the VE; The sieve, " common bici hardly don' movement of t you more. It' the s gradice to then listen to the ordinary chitarristi and neoclassico game cheesemongering of Yngwie J. Malmsteen of the vituous one of the hearing metal. You hardly can' the t it goes behind. (And sometimes you can' arrest of t that it vomita l' or l' other.) I mean, after " The sieve, " why even test, right?

It sounds much better.

Yes, I'm stoned.

Anonymous said...

bikesnob - this was on nightline last night. given the brilliance of your comments about road riding re:"the Climb", perhaps a perspective on MTB "death road riders" would be a nice balance.


http://abcnews.go.com/Travel/story?id=4120791&page=1

leroy said...

Oi vey.

I've been wrong all this time in thinking that the "fixed" in "fixie" refers to the gear.

Seems to me you need to pick the kevatter wisely.
You don't want to let just anyone try your bike. We all know what that can lead to.

PT said...

Seriously, I am on the verge of getting fired here. The little moccasins and the Italian translation were to much for the workplace.

Fridays are usually pretty slow, but now my boss knows I'm doing ABSOLUTELY nothing productive. There is nothing funny about my job so bursting into laughter is usually an indication of dicking around on the internet.

Thanks Snob, you have singlehandedly forced me into the gutter. Be on the lookout for my "Angela's Ashes" themed fixed gear bike in the gallery very soon.

daddo.one said...

ok...this leads to the inevitable:

don't at least some of you have bikes that would lead to Snob-icule?

My main ride is a custom titanium with tri-colored true-flames, red chris king, red tiso hardware everywhere, red fulcrum zeros, red seat post collar and saddle, and red skewers. it's totally pimped, totally over the top, the object of lust, envy and ridicule all at the same time. Her name is Darlene as she was born in Chatanooga TN. I don't care what you say, I ride her 6500 miles a year (and my specialized langster - snigger snigger another 2000)

Come on, fess up; for at least a few of us - we're laughing at oursleves, aren't we?

Even Snob's pic in bicycling mag shows him in damn near close to skinny jeans!

A Godforsaken Wasteland said...

It's all about where you put the lock.

Anonymous said...

Inspired by all the wonderful theme bikes that BSNYC has revealed to us, from this point on I shall refer to my own single speed as the Kwisatz Haderach: "The Shortening of the Way," "The Expected One," "The One Who Can Be Many Places At Once."

Take that Trail of Tears.

Anonymous said...

Nice Yngwie reference. That reminds me I have not listened to the Concerto Suite for Electric Guitar and Orchestra in E flat minor Op.1 is quite some time. Gotta put it on. From the looks of him now, I'd say that if he got on a bike it would be a flat-black cruiser with handlebar mounted speakers playing Paganini, going from one tropical umbrella drink to the next. Enjoy your weekend.

Bill said...

I love a good Yngwie 'f'xing' Malmsteen reference...

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34676

jeremy said...

Hah! "Balls-out skiddy" (with backwards chainring bolts)... Killer.

Commiecanuk said...

daddo, you misunderstand, we're not laughing with you, we're laughing at you.

Anonymous said...

re: lorok

I think that BMC is like a lure, put out by cops to get someone to try and steal it.

Depending on the situation, the cops might encourage you. Scroll down to the second item in this here "Ethicist" column.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/09/magazine/09ETH.html

Anonymous said...

or if that don't work...

http://tinyurl.com/68p4xp

daddo.one said...

"daddo, you misunderstand, we're not laughing with you, we're laughing at you."

oh crap, I knew this site was a conspiracy against me

Anonymous said...

Kris King and Kyle definitely DO NOT run Chicago. They only got here from Ohio like a year ago, and they're like 20. And they're total douche bags. Chivolvo runs Chicago.

Sycophantic Backstabber said...

Chapeau Mr. Snob, that was beautiful!

Also, I ride a brown bike because life is shit.

Anybody care to get post-modern on that?

Jim said...

Trail of Tears? Dammitall, I hate it when you White people force poor ersatz Native American grad students to make really shitty fixed gear bikes.

This is the most fiendish genocide yet, right up there with when J. Edgar Hoover made Dennis Banks choreograph Tommy Seebach's "Apache" video.

Seriously, which is a more egregiously campy take on Native American culture - that bike, or this video?:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFGzGfym-7Y

Anonymous said...

As this student gets older and the fixed gear braking begins to wear on his body parts he can change the name to Wounded Knee.

bikesgonewild said...

...please feel free to visit our 'heritage collection' now featuring 'the riddle' & 'the trail of tears 2k8' bikes...

...ah, yes, the riddle...lest we forget it's storied magnificence...but i wonder just how many miles the riddle has acquired under it's vaunted wheels since we last visited...

...& well, at least 2k8 didn't call his bike a "war pony"...that's a bonus...

**************************************

...physics note to excessively coutured bmc fixie...put the back wheel in the rack & it, unlike the front wheel can't pivot at the fork if bumped by another rack user...the opportunity for a bent wheelis considerably less...
...although, i guess you can afford new ones as necessary...

...& the translated piece makes my deplorable attempts at humor-esque italian on occasion, look like fine grammatical prose...

Anonymous said...

Too bad Kris and Kyle are fucking muppets.

dopepedaler said...

"Fixed gear" is a reference to the rider's anatomy...not the bicycle's.

I think I'll fabricate a theme bike in response to this "fixed gear phenomonon". I will name it "mountain bike"

scott said...

@anon3:32

Wait - the fixed gear kings of chicago are, at this moment, copulating with muppets? Is this going to be in Bust?

areUpake? said...

Damn you scott, I work at a front desk and upon reading your muppet comment I could not help but to laugh causing the entire lobby to stare at the lunatic receptionist. So I repeat... Damn you

Nick said...

Anon. 11:43: Do the hands on the side of the helmet, holy shit I won thing.

Also, as per the art bike, what is it with people and their downturned saddles anyway?

Nick

Anonymous said...

Anon. 1:45

Not to be the uptight forum guy, but seriously, making a joke outta a group of guys getting run over isn't really funny.

Sycophantic Backstabber said...

Anonymous 4:31,

Not to be the uptight punctuation interpretation guy, but I believe that on the internet something funny is punctuated thusly:

lol!!!!!!1 (sic)

or

lolz!!!!

I believe using three ! is more open to interpretation. Mine was "Wow that's crazy!!!"

Considering the subject matter, three ! is almost conservative.

jhvu said...

That Bro Machine is the essence of "more money than brains." Simply amazing.

Anonymous said...

I thought the whole idea of the Tail of Tears bike was interesing. I guess I am not as dick as most of you people are... I do agree on disapproval of the Rittle though.

frilly said...

Where can I find one of those DIY moccasin kits? I already have the tassels, now all I need is wrapped up in suede cord & call me the Dream Maker 2k8!!!! Or crazy signorina IIMVIII!!!! (In keeping with the Italian flavor.)

(4: walking on the wild side baby)

kyle said...

HAHAHAHAHA oh man, "kyle and kris own chicago" too funny. look away as we both ride brakeless track bikes like a bunch of losers.

-Kyle

kyle said...

oh man, this is gonna get good.

Daniel! said...

I thought the whole idea of the Tail of Tears bike was interesing. I guess I am not as dick as most of you people are... I do agree on disapproval of the Rittle though.

No one is as dick as me. But seriously, a "trail of tears" bike? Something about that appeals to you? What?

Anonymous said...

It's true that the dream catcher is characterized as kitsch, but that's for people who don't know that it is as much a part of native belief as peddles are to a bike.

Anonymous said...

Excuse me, I meant pedals.

urchin said...

Back to the bris, at least in the threadless headset era it means the ceremonial removal of extra steerer tube once you're certain about stack height.

Pre-initiation, the subject is paraded around with a conspicuous mismatched collection of spacers over the stem.

Filing off cable stops is, however, velo-genitial mutilation and should be a crime.

frilly said...

Danie!
Maybe anon 5:16 wants the DIY moccasin kit too. There is something sort of appealing about that silly Pocahontas wanna-be bike.

Anonymous said...

Wrong, I want a tomahoc holster.

Anonymous said...

Grim prediction: the media buzz created by BSNYC's influential blog will make "Trail of Tears 2K8" a success in the art world. Thus encouraged, the artiste will follow up with a series of works inspired by similar atrocities. Look for "Bataan Death March 2K9", Armenian Genocide 2K10", and so on. Ugh.

Anonymous said...

sycophantic backtabber:

The person posted a link which leads to the photo of racers being run over with a bed of music of "ride my bicyle". How should one interpret this?

Anonymous said...

"Her name is Darlene as she was born in Chatanooga TN. I don't care what you say, I ride her 6500 miles a year (and my specialized langster - snigger snigger another 2000)"

I call my bike "my bike". What the hell possessed you to name your bike "Darlene". Actually what possessed you to name your bike. What's the Langster called ? Wilma ? Charlene ? Priscilla ?

How did you determine the bike was female ?

sprider said...

Typically don't check comment links, I've been "prolly'd", but that
"anon 1:45" link is wrong!
Dude should be banned from posting on this or any cycling site.

mr.complaint said...

I'd say that the fixie bris is when the skin on a hipsters' face is removed.

I recently observed a green trek 5200 that had been converted into a city bike. Flat handle bars, small gears, heavy tires. I thought it was the proper use of an "old" road bike. It did leave me feeling very old school though. Fortunately it did not have a nightmare catcher.

techb3 said...

wanted:

track frames with "horizontal dropouts" for mountain bike conversion projects.

email me at techb3@gmail.com

daddo.one said...

wow - you guessed it - charlene it is!

female? but of course! all vehicles are female: boats, cars, AND bikes. When have you ever heard a boat car or bike reffered to as "he"?

"my bike" is a boring name for a bike..let me guess, you call your car "my car", right?

and you sound like a guy who doesn't even own a boat!

Anonymous said...

All fair points, and no I don't even own a boat, though I do have a car that seems to collect water inside.

frilly said...

daddo.one-
I used to have a really old station wagon that had an 8cyl engine. We would say it had balls. Must have been a hermaphrodite.

Sycophantic Backstabber said...

Anon. 8:40,

It would be foolish of me to comment on something beyond my field of expertise: Punctuation Interpretation.

Thank you.

Jena said...

I want to tell you something about the site because I read the original article and I'm writing from Italy.
Is not a simple site but one of the most important paper magazine in Italy that collect various foreign articles about politics, economics, lifestyles, etc.

It's good article for you and for the feeling that characterize the differences between a cyclist and someone who rides a bike.
I scan the article for you and anyone who want to take a look at the paper page go here (it's on the server of my blog):
http://chiamamijena.myblog.it/files/BikeSnobNYC.pdf

I don't know if the man on the bike in the article image are you. Are you?

Sorry for my english, bye.

Jena said...

Ops, You don't need a tranlation because the article is a translation of an article of your blog:

http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2008/04/mused-and-confused-pondering-nature-of.html

Bye again.

leroy said...

Jena -- I don't think that's Bike Snob in the photo.

The guy in the photo is riding hands free in the wrong direction on a NYC Street.

That just doesn't sound like Bike Snob.

The rider in that photo appears to be a native NYC salmon, many of whom ride upstream to Barney Greengrass on New York's Upper West Side.

Anonymous said...

I don't believe you. "Leroy" sounds fake, double accounts?

Anonymous said...

Once you get fixed...

You can never go back.

snip.

The Adventures of Daniel Siegel said...

I'm pretty sure BSNYC is a fellow jew. A "Jewish" themed fixie would be just plain meshugana.

Anonymous said...

"Come on, fess up; for at least a few of us - we're laughing at oursleves, aren't we?"
Daddo.one

Yes I actually agree with you. Let's face it- apart from the stupid brake calipers and unfortunate locking method, there was nothing inherently wrong with the BMC example. I'm sure it rides great and at the end of the day that's all that matters. Why is having record brake levers any more offensive than having some Sugino 75 cranks that are just going to get mashed on the street?

Anonymous said...

The printed version Internazionale is a (very good, according to me) weekly magazine which selects articles from the international press and translate them into italian.
Ciao:)
Silvia

magociclo said...

Hi, very nice blog! I'm an old italian biker and I read of you on the "Internazionale", a sort of "reader's digest" of international news. In my city (Rome) there are many fixed bikers and I'm fashinated of their fixed cycles.

In automatic translation of the article (first line) there is the italian expression "un po'". That means "just a bit" or "a little".

Saluti ciclosi (cycled cheers)!!
magociclo (cyclewizard)

BikeSnobNYC said...

Jena and Silvia,

Thank you for the info! It's greatly appreciated. Internazionale sounds like an intelligent publication for intelligent readers, so I hope they're not too disappointed when they visit here.

--BSNYC

leroy said...

Anon 9:40 PM --

I am definitely not BSNYC, but I am, of course, flattered that you might entertain that thought.

"Leroy" is a nickname that somehow stuck when I lived down South before returning to Brooklyn.

Could have been worse. Could have been "Bubba."

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术+术:可能是唯一有可能冲上2300的同职业组合,天赋一般选用双恶魔法+贼:控制+爆发型,法师的爆发力略胜术士,不过容错性非常小,游戏相似组合还有法+野D,法+暗牧法+法:双冰法控制,综合来说还不错,续战力也存活能力也很强。双奥法的秒杀流一经提出就被喷的面目全非,我本人其实尝试过这个组合,可惜装备只有S2,法伤最多也只能撑到102X(现在能高不少),魔兽队友情况也差不多。这样的组合容错性低的离谱,虽然有10000+HP 400+韧性,但是感觉一被打就瞬间死,而且跑还跑不掉,所以这个打法还是更适合高端副本装,反正一样死很快。组合上还是克死战士队,别和我提盾反,网络游戏那么明显的动画效果能吸到个火冲不错了。网游基本上能够硬顶过我们5秒的职业只有骑士,冰法,盗贼和恶魔SS了。打盗贼队伍,如果是盗贼+看的见,一律先把看的见的OOXX了,双盗贼很难打,2斗篷我们免费网络游戏直接去一人。最后被一个队恶魔SS+骑士卡住了,因为奥法的后续爆发几乎没有,开局秒恶魔SS和骑士都不成功。感觉装备足够猛的话,2000是没问题的,2000以后看能否连好沉默来秒SS了。法伤最好是NOBUFF 1200+以上,最新网游保证秒杀的成功率,可以不用考虑血和韧性,建议装备牛B的法师们平时娱乐使用,非常畅快的战斗贼+暗牧:爆发力非常强的组合,而且他们的视频里很不厚道的最新免费网络游戏吃了金童3场贼+野D:第一赛季闷+盲+消失补闷+飓风的完美控制秒杀型队伍,不过在徽章能解所有控制技能之后容错性大大降低了。

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