Friday, May 23, 2008

Worst of NYC Craiglist Bike Ads SPECIAL EDITION: Golden Opportunities!

There's a lot of crap on Craigslist, but there's also a lot of opportunity. Whether you're looking for a tattoo, a hefty reward, or a place to sell your outmoded and failure-prone cycling equipment, you can find it now if you act fast. Here are the three chances to win big:


............................trade a track bike for a tattoo(s) (williamsburg/ l.e.s) [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/bik/691410846.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2008-05-22, 8:11PM EDT

i need a bike for the summer, and im looking to trade a good size tattoo for it.
i just moved to NYC and im looking for a track bike to ride to work and around the city.
fixed or single speed ok.................

id love to see photos if your interested.............

examples of work.......


Here comes Super Mario bouncing into town, and he's looking for a Luigi to swap trends with. I'm not sure why he can't simply charge for his tattooing services and then use the money to purchase a bicycle--I don't see dentists trading bridgework for their Serottas. (And I wouldn't want to go to a dentist who did.) All I know is that his ellipses use is probably turning cycling blog commenting enthusiast Bikesgonewild faded tattoo green with envy. (Or maybe red with anger, since I'm sure BGW has strong feelings about proper ellipses use.) By the way, my personal favorite example of his work is the one on the lower left which looks like a decomposed Cletus from the Simpsons wearing a snake for a hat. Nice neck placement, too. That's what you call a "trailer park hicky." I was actually tempted to take him up on his offer myself. I was either going to go for the flapper girl who's been crying (or whose eyes are irritated from the high pollen count), or for a hybrid in which the tiger is wearing the snake hat and reenacting the "Alas, poor Urick" scene from Hamlet with the Cletus skull, but then I realized I probably couldn't fit that on my neck.

STOLEN BIKE $$$REWARD$$$ (Inwood / Wash Hts) [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/bik/690905158.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2008-05-22, 1:44PM EDT

SOMEONE LAST NIGHT STOLE MY BIKE IN A BLINK OF AN EYE. IT IS A 19 INCH ORANGE KONA UNIT 29ER INCH WHEEL MOUNTAIN BIKE. THE BICYCLE WAS STOLEN NEAR THE 1 LINE TRAIN STATION BY HIGHBRIDGE PARK. IT HAS GREAT SENTIMENTAL VALUE TO ME AND I AM WILLING TO GIVE THE FOUNDER A $500 REWARD AND DINNER FOR TWO AT DINO BBQ IN HARLEM. MY NUMBER IS 646-578-0522.
GOOD LUCK TO ALL AND THANK YOU...


I hate to see someone's bike get stolen, and I've left the number intact so that if you do see or hear something you can give this person a call. My contempt here is reserved entirely for the thief. I don't think he's going to get very far, though--not in that get-up. I mean, come on, his whole look screams "burglar!" He's certainly tempting the wrath of the Lord, too, since his booty appears to include a menorah. Actually, judging from the mask, there's a strong possibility the thief is internet personality and frothing lunatic Opinionated Cyclist. I may turn him in for the reward money and the dinner. That's an incredibly generous prize package, by the way. You usually don't score that big without being a contestant on "The Price is Right."


Spinergy rev x front wheel - $180 [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/bik/691568569.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2008-05-22, 10:40PM EDT

Tubular Spinergy carbon fiber front wheel. Four spoke 650c (barspin action)

Track bike fixed gear



Sweet! Barspin action is the best kind of action. There was a time not too long ago when the words "Rev-X," "650c," and "tubular" used together in a bike ad were about as likely to close the deal as the words "sore," "weeping," and "open" in a dating ad. But times have changed. I'd imagine that many older triathletes are now sitting on goldmines (as well as on mankinis and seats with bulbous W.C. Fields-like noses). Cash in now before all the fixed-gear freestylers buy 700c bar-spinnable frames. (Et tu, Waterford?)

53 comments:

melanie said...

right on!

The Los said...

Oy vey. I can't wait for fixed-gear freestylers to start destroying craptacular spinergys.

Anonymous said...

top 5 wooohooo

Anonymous said...

not podium

Emily said...

I like that the Kona ad has the offer of free BBQ to the finder.
Somehow the idea of a Kona Unit having Great Sentimental Value was kind of funny to me too for some reason.

daddo.one said...

have a great flight back to nyc, snob!

Erik said...

Zabel

BikeSnobNYC said...

Daddo.one,

I've been here all week!

--BSNYC/RTMS

daddo.one said...

...a hybrid in which the tiger is wearing the snake hat and reenacting the "Alas, poor Urick" scene from Hamlet with the Cletus skull, but then I realized I probably couldn't fit that on my neck.

uh...don't you mean a callabro?

Strayhorn said...

I kinda like the idea of a barter economy. I should take that up with my boss:

"I'll fix this database if you give me a set of Campy carbon bottle cages.'

"Uh, how 'bout a set of Forte carbon cages?"

"Jeeze, talk about low-balling. OK, how about a set of Easton carbon cages?"

"Done."

daddo.one said...

Snob...
then what is up with the time stamping? you dind;t post this at 8 am did you? all week the stamps have been 3 hours off...

...and the towers STILL stand...
...and we've never been to the moon...
... and no one can win the TDF seven times in a row..

BikeSnobNYC said...

Daddo.one,

It's a result of the vagaries of Blogger time stamping, not of my location. I've been here all week, unfortunately.

--BSNYC

Anonymous said...

the final egg in the carton

Anonymous said...

top 15!

Anonymous said...

Daddo.one,

I was first on the podium yesterday and I know RTMS posted at about 9:20 AM (PDT). Perhaps RTMS outsourced posting his blog to someone in Los Angeles in exchange for a tattoo!

Anonymous said...

BSNYC/RTMS,

Wonderful post. Your talents have been on a nice upswing since the wedding. Mazel Tov.

I applaud your correct use of menorah for generic candlestick holder. Come December will the other correct term appear? I hope so.

Your failing upwards must bring your mother such simchas.

Rich said...

The Tattoo work isn't actually so bad. It's not incredible work by any means, but nowhere near bad work at all. The girls eyes look red because the tattoo looks fresh and still irritated.

Anonymous said...

BSNYC/RTMS,

Please proof read the first paragraph.

Thank you kindly.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 12:07,

You're welcome. I hope you weren't inconvenienced too badly.

--BSNYC

Anonymous said...

so the FOUNDER gets $500 and BBQ (not that it can be very good in NY). Nice.

just a guy with a bike, and some stupid ideas... said...

okay, the "bring back bitter" campaign worked so well that I think the new slogan that the tatoo artist can write in a scrolling pattern on our next tatoo should be "keep it bitter"

Toxteth O'Grady said...

AHH HA! YOU SAID OPPORUNITY INSTEAD OF OPPOR"T"UNITY! YOU DIDN'T SPELL IT RIGHT IN YOUR FIRST PARAGRAPH! YOU WERE TOTALLY WRONG IN YOUR SPELLING. I CAUGHT IT! (to mimick the annoying people who comment on your grammar...)

Anonymous said...

Here's one from the Heartland that needs BSNYC attention:
http://cleveland.craigslist.org/bik/690372306.html

stephen said...

Quick question:
Why do hipster track cyclists put the more aero wheel in the front? Aren't most aerodynamic benefits gained from having the wheel in the back to cut through the turbulence generated by the passage of the bike+rider? Like a disc wheel?

Anonymous said...

I totally failed to recognize Letle Viride. Outrageous. Excellent. Thank you.

JAT in Seattle

Judi said...

Tattoo artists are always trading for stuff. I knew one that traded tattoos for acupunture. Whatever.

Ryan said...

Stephen -

No.

-Ryan

Anonymous said...

you missed a horrid tattoo option:

http://nsfw.sidewayspony.com/images/trough/production/2008/may/22/88116_orig_npam_2_girls_one_cup.jpg

mark said...

Stephen, disc wheels don't go in front because it makes the bike too hard to handle, not for aero reasons.

Besides if hipsters were really interested in aero, they'd all be sporting those silly helmets instead of no helmet at all. Much more benefit from the lid than the wheels.

I'm pretty sure that once the aero helmets do start showing up, we'll all be getting tattoos of the apocalyptic alpaca.

Anonymous said...

woogie woogie

Le Microbiologist said...

Tattoo trade? One might obtain more than artwork, for instance Hepatitis B, Hepatitis C, flesh eating Staphylococcus, et al.

331 Miles said...

"Trailer Park Hicky"? Redundant.

bk jimmy said...

Has this been covered here already?
Snob photo in the NYTimes!

http://tinyurl.com/65e24p


http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/16/dining/16cheese.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

scott said...

I love the craigslist posts most of all, RTMS. This SE model (with gold anodized everything but for the bamboo aerospoke, I'm sure) is surely the best of its breed.

Anonymous said...

There's an upswing on CL SF of one stop hipster shopping (bikes AND chrome bags). Last week we had an SE and a chrome that got snapped up, and today we have this.

http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/bik/692236560.html

bikesgonewild said...

...bsnyc/rtms...non non, au contraire, pas possible, ami...

...certainly not green regarding a c-lister's overactive trigger digit...definitely not red in response to the 'proper' improper use (as one who makes up his rules as he goes) of the ellipsis & not even blue over the regularly raised digits i've received over my own 'occasional' ellipti usage...

...far be it from me, having tasted the bitter, dark, vitriolic fruit of the procedural grammarians, to get my diphthong in a knot...

...i leave the slashing red pencil & circled margin noting to those provocateurs whose correcting & grading of the english language reveals their proper paper training...

...unless, of course, i'm feeling pissy myself...

Anonymous said...

hey, speaking of people in Seattle, ("JAT" @ 12:52), whatever happened to Matt?

marge said...

mmmmm, trailer park hickey

frilly said...

Mmmmm, I love it when you parlez francais.

Rick said...

I'm curious as to how tubular tires will fare in a barspin! Should be amusing....

hot cocoa said...

How did you fail to mention the non-sequitur "fixed gear track bike" in an ad for a front wheel? Keyword spamming is great and all but come on...

bikesgonewild said...

...mmmm mmm, ciao, frills...come sta ???...

...santa cielo...today, i parlayed my parlez into parlare while riding, which would be across the border in italia, capisce, si ???...

...many kilometers of climbing left mio gambas feeling like pasta autentico, all noodle-y...eh ???
...& bikesgonewild, he was 'breaking away'...e bello, si...

...ciao, buonasera...

arioux said...

Yorick,
it's Yorick.

frilly said...

wow

Andy Pandy said...

Think Willie S had it right but his spelling was all wrong… Alas poor Ullrich

Was up with those podium wannabees , slapped it into the big ring and found the 11 cog, punched up but the chain broke in the last 200 m. Slow walking in cleats at least I did not have to carry my bike as I piffed it over the fence

Sprocketboy said...

Judi, you would not think that a tattoo artist would bother trading a tattoo for acupuncture since he could just do it himself pretty much. Well, once the ink was off the needles...

That Flapper Girl tattoo--it's the bees' knees!

Ray said...

Here's a rad craigslist ad... http://boise.craigslist.org/bik/697085977.html

Anonymous said...

well, if you're disabled u have it pretty tough in the dating game but there are specialist dating sites for disabled people



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