Monday, April 7, 2008

Gesundheit! Clearing Congestion in New York City

As you may know, here in New York City we’re waiting to find out if our state’s legislature thingy will approve Mayor Bloomberg’s congestion pricing plan, and the deadline is today. Basically, congestion pricing would mean that drivers of motor vehicles entering midtown Manhattan would have to pay a fee, and the idea is to cut down on traffic, smog, and idiots. If you want to know more about the plan or the politics surrounding it, check out Streetsblog or the New York Times, since looking for actual information here is like looking for derailleurs on Fixedgeargallery.

I’m all in favor of congestion pricing. After all, supposedly it works in London, and everybody knows New York gets all of its ideas from London. (The subway, pubs, and English are just three examples.) However, I also think Bloomberg’s plan stops short of perfection. Certainly he has to appease people, but here are a few more components I’d like to see added at the 11th hour:

A Complex Schedule of Surcharges

In addition to the base fee for cars and trucks, I'd like to see the following additional fees tacked on:

Vehicles with vanity plates: $2.00
Vehicles with vanity plates that simply re-iterate the make or model of the vehicle: $5.00
Vehicles with license plates from states that include their URL on the plate out of desperation because they’re “loser” states (I’m looking at you, Pennsylvania): $10.00
Any vehicle bearing a presidential campaign sticker: $1.50
Any vehicle bearing a presidential campaign sticker for an election that has already passed: $2.50
Any vehicle bearing a sticker or emblem espousing the driver’s religious beliefs: $5.00
Any vehicle whose driver must compulsively advertise his or her ownership of a Harley-Davidson motorcycle through the use of stickers, decals, license plate frames, or spare tire covers: $10.00
Any vehicle with an “Eddie Bauer” trim package: $50.00
Any Swedish or English vehicle: $15.00
Any vehicle with a roof rack that has provisions for hauling more than one type of outdoor recreational equipment: $5.00 per additional equipment mount
Any vehicle being operated in “manu-matic” or “dork” mode: $7.00
Escalade-Pushing Moto-tards: $125.00

A Ban on Fresh Direct Deliveries

Fresh Direct is a company that delivers gourmet groceries to your home in a giant truck. You can generally find these trucks parked in bike lanes and stopping traffic for blocks as they replenish the Sub-Zero refrigerators of Park Slope brownstone owners who don’t want to use their Audis for fear of losing their parking spaces. Fresh Direct only operates in the nicer New York City neighborhoods, which means if you live in one of their delivery zones you also probably already live within walking distance of a high-end supermarket that stocks the sorts of organic exotica you can’t live without. Fresh Direct argue that their methods are more environmentally friendly than traditional supermarkets, which may or may not be true. But one thing is for sure: they cause more congestion than a Persian cat in an asthma ward. I’ve literally seen fire engines stuck behind double-parked Fresh Direct trucks with their sirens blaring. So unless Fresh Direct starts training their drivers to put out four-alarm blazes with bok choy and Pom juice, I say they do way more harm than good.

A Ban on Zip Cars

Zip Cars are the motor vehicle equivalent of those public bikes they have in Europe. Basically the service allows members to grab a car, drive it around for awhile, and then drop it off somewhere else. Zip claims that their service actually cuts down on car usage, arguing that their members choose not to own cars. This makes no sense. They’re offering access to cars cheaply and conveniently. How does this cut down on driving? It’s like McDonald’s claiming that their customers eat fewer hamburgers because they don’t have cows at home. There’s even a smug little quote on their website from someone named Martha which says, “Keeping a car in your driveway when you’re concerned about global warming is like keeping cookies in your cupboard when you’re trying to lose weight.” What a load of self-righteous, organic, locally-grown crap. Keeping a car in your driveway doesn’t hurt the environment at all. It’s the driving that causes emissions, so unless Zip car users are paying to simply look at the cars then they’re spewing just as much carbon monoxide as anybody. Plus, you get the unique pleasure of sharing the road with infrequent drivers in unfamiliar automobiles. If you’ve ever rented a car, gotten stuck in a sudden downpour, and realized you had no idea where the wiper switch was, you have an idea of what Zip car drivers are like every day. I'd rather share the road with taxis than with Zip cars. Because the worst New York City drivers are the ones with no experience driving it it.

138 comments:

Anonymous said...

Whatevs...

Boz said...

podium at last

Anonymous said...

ooga ooga!

O'claire said...

Zip jersey, hands ready to go up...There was a break? How did I miss that?

Anonymous said...

five?

Anonymous said...

and six.woogie woogie

Anonymous said...

top ten

John said...

Apparently, I now live in the state of Myflorida.com.

Anonymous said...

Swim Bike Run sticker: $5.00

Anonymous said...

wow... top 10?

Boz said...

Yes, today's post was a classic. The zip car ban was a piece of work, kemo-snobby. I needed a good laugh at lunch.
BTW, I didn't read the post before reaching the podium, I just happened to be going to yesterady's comment section when I noticed the opening. I feel kinda like those guys that take a cab to the finish of a marathon, douse them selves with energy drink and shit themselves as the cross the finish in a faked epic peformance. Well, I don't feel that bad, really.

Boz said...

Yes, today's post was a classic. The zip car ban was a piece of work, kemo-snobby. I needed a good laugh at lunch.
BTW, I didn't read the post before reaching the podium, I just happened to be going to yesterady's comment section when I noticed the opening. I feel kinda like those guys that take a cab to the finish of a marathon, douse them selves with energy drink and shit themselves as the cross the finish in a faked epic peformance. Well, I don't feel that bad, really.

Anonymous said...

"Any Swedish or English vehicle: $15.00"

This tax should be reduced. With some older exceptions on still on the road, these cars are all Swedish or English in name only, like Schwinns, Gary Fishers or so to be Cannondales.

thefutureofamerica said...

Look,

I know this is a comedy cycling blog and all, and I did read the disclaimer at the top of today's post, but crap, this is kinda my thing, like sarcasm is yours...

It's not at all just the driving that's the problem - Depending on the car, nearly half of the total emissions from a car go into building it.

I can see your point about the smug emissions of zip cars, but you're dead wrong about the smog. Stick to what you know, RTMS.

Boz said...

Google server error - sorry for the double.

Anonymous said...

HA, reduce the number of idiots.

Unfortunately, murder has been frowned upon since Moses came down all aglow.

BotchedExperiment

Anonymous said...

the future of america:

(if you know), What are the carbon emissions from building a carbon fiber bike ?

ka_jun said...

Ouch, guilty as charged. Man, can you blame the Commonwealth of PA for trying? "A" for effort, admittedly, the fred factor w/ plate URL is off the charts. How about this plate frame, available on Amazon for US$5.08?

Anonymous said...

"Any Swedish or English vehicle: $15.00"

This tax is off because, with some older exceptions on still on the road, these cars are all Swedish or English in name only, like Schwinns, Gary Fishers or so to be Cannondales.

Big crew cab truck guy said...

My driving of my 2007 F350 crew cab is basically the way I give all of you whining cyclists a huge middle finger.

Now out of my way, minions

quaffimodo said...

Those "Kill a Cyclist for Christ" fish emblems should be on the list.

leroy said...

Dear Artist Formerly Known as BSNYC --

Ignore the naysayers, today's post was timely, well done and funny.

I was interviewed by NY 1 a few months back as I came riding off the Brooklyn Bridge.

When my kids heard that their father might be on TV wearing lycra, they inquired about changing their names, moving and therapy.

Honestly, some people's children.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Thefutureofamerica,

Your admonition to "stick to what you know" is more than fair. However, don't they have to build the Zip cars too? And part of what Zip touts is that they use new cars. I wouldn't be surprised if the rapid turnover of their fleet cancels out any of the supposed green-ness of their endeavors.

--RTMS

john b said...

Well if RTMS gets these surcharges passed, I'll need a loan from upperclassman to get into the city to see RTMS "jumping the shark" in the suspended glass cube. Darn my right wing, pround to announce it, multisport, multi-vehicle, vanity showing, foreign vehicle driving lifestyle.

Polygraf said...

8.00 xtra for cars with underbody lights and denied entry for any car with one of those bad-boy pissing stickers.

leroy said...

Ooops -- I meant interviewed about congestion pricing.

I get interviewed from time to time on other stuff, but usually not while wearing funny clothes.

Big Crew Cab Truck Guy -- Not sure "minions" was the term you wanted. In Williamsburg, you have to avoid the minyans. Out where you live, the minivans. Hope that helps.

R.A. said...

Check out this crazy video about a cyclist getting even with a jerk driver! Fits in well with today's post!

Scott said...

But if I don't leave the ski rack on my car while driving in the city in July, how will people know that I ski?

Out of curiosity, is your ire towards Swedish cars directed at Volvo or Saab owners?

BikeSnobNYC said...

R.A.,

Very clever.

Any chance we can replace "Rick Rolls" with ”All You Can Eat” by The Fat Boys?

--RTMS

erik k said...

I love, "Any vehicle with an “Eddie Bauer” trim package: $50.00" but I think we should also ad an additional $10.00 fee for any vehicle which also has a Maine license plate

BellaCroix said...

Damn, "Rip Torn's Mugshot"... today's post will cost me $8.50 in additional BSNYC/RTMs fees each time I enter the city. Well, I may as well make it count for something and engage in spontaneous car vs bicycle chicken and demolition derby. Hey, I've gotta get my money's worth somehow.

O'Bama said...

$66.66 for your typical white woman driving a ultra-large SUV.

R.A. said...

Thanks Bike Snob, just got introduced to the whole 'rick-rolling' thing. Man am I late to the party.

The Fat Boys video is fantastic, or anything by 'Ah-Ha' or Wham! can work too.

Anonymous said...

What is the money used for? Road improvement?

erik k said...

has getting rick rolled become the new woogie woogie... ?

Anonymous said...

So I guess I'm an idiot because I do drive into Manhattan a few times a year. The good news is that I would rack up 0 surcharges.
I gotta disagree about the Zip cars. If you need a car on occasion but not a regular basis, it's much better to rent or use Zip than to own. Thats one less car that had to be produced therefore consuming much less energy and resources on the production end of the spectrum.

Noah Cherry said...

Great post although, as a cyclist and a zip car user, I can see some logic as how zip car may decrease certain users car usage. I don't own a car and when I rarely need one I will rent a zip car (say for hauling large things). If I were to own a car, I may be tempted to be lazy and use it when walking/biking/public transportation is more efficient. But because zip car has a direct fee I only use it when needed.

Cameron said...

"Going Green" has jumped the couch.

Marrock said...

I have to ask, since you specify "vehicle" instead of "motor vehicle" does this mean the fees should apply to bicycles as well?

sd said...

"these cars are all Swedish or English in name only"

No- they are actually manufactured in the respective country of origin, while owned by an American or Indian parent company. Schwinn et al are owned by an American company, but manufactured in the far east.

M. Weed said...

Snob, at least moving by zip car is better than smugly moving by bike caravan.

And for better or worse, the "loser" state of Pennsylvania gave you zip car. Zip car is one of many copies of the original car share, PhillyCarShare.

Boz said...

So what happens when the place is over-run by bicycles? Entry fees based on what? Gruppo? Frame material or country of origin? Fixed or geared? Bloomberg could be leading NYC down a slippery slope.

Jim said...

By Grabthar's hammer... anything that helps keep us middle class scum out of New York, and enhances the size and impermeability of the Kael Bubble* surrounding Manhattan, Williamsburg, and selected portions of Hoboken, Westchester and Connecticut, is okay in my book, as long as it comes bundled with a way to keep you f***ers away from us.

We should probably consider travel restrictions that limit New Yorkers' foreign travel to friendly ecosystems amenable to Manhattanite and Manhattanite-like life forms. That means restricting NYC'er travel to no further north and west than Rockland County; no further south and east than Mount Morris, NJ; and no more culturally distant than quaint B&Bs in Vermont run by retired gay married couples from the East Village. If you want to ski, you can have Vermont. Please leave the Rockies to us, we're tired of hearing that Jackson Hole "F***in' sucks compared to the indoor slope in that mall in Flushing Meadows." In the cultural spoils settlement agreement, Washington D.C. will stop asserting that it has a real opera company and football team, but in turn gets to keep the Southern 2/3ds of the Jersey Shore, except for Rehoboth which will go back to to Eastern PA and Baltimore, in exchange for Philly admitting it has no sports teams whatsoever, and Baltimore admitting that it is in fact a rehab clinic with really nice houses, not a city. New Yorkers then have to admit that the real, good New York hockey and hoops teams are the Devils and Nets. From now on, those hybrid New Yorker/New Jerseyites - the LawnGuyLanders - will have to stick to Fire Island, the Islanders, and frozen pizza if they want to go to a beach, have a sports team, or engage in food criticism commensurate with their tastes and what they deserve, respectively. The rest of the country in turn agrees to stop feeling culturally inferior to NYC, for such period as NYC'ers can agree to stop talking about how bad the rest of the country sucks, from the comfort of your 350 sq ft $2000/month lofts that you share with 3 other wage slaves/baristas/long-term-unpaid-interns. Oh yeah, and the rest of the country will concede your visitation rights to Boston and all of Eastern Canada, if you want it. Some would say this requires a state-level lawmaking, but I'm pretty sure the Upstaters (the real ones, not the ones from Duchess County) won't have any objections to that as long as you don't come poverty pimping in Elmira or Massena, or buy McMansions in the Thousand Islands. (Bona fide made men will be permitted to retain houses in Upstate New York. Hey, we're tryina runna bizness heah). If there are any problems, I'm sure we can figure out a way to smooth things over with the governor, though the actual form of the payment (sex, sex and drugs, cash money bribes) may vary depending on who the governor is this week.

Sprocketboy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sprocketboy said...

We Bentley owners have our English cars made by Germans. Just as the Rolls-Royce chaps do.

If it was really an authentic English car it would rack up huge congestion charges since you could never get the engine started to move it.

Of course our fine American bicycles are made by specialists in Taiwan.

The Woulfes said...

PhillyCarShare is hardly the original. The entire business model was based on a car sharing service out of San Fran, it's probably the oldest on the est coast but...

Car Sharing actually does reduce the number of cars on the road (and increase the available parking spots) and users drive much less as the cost of driving is much more apparent. They are more likely to bike, walk, or use public transit.

that's only half the issue though. Zip Car and PCS users definitely have issues driving properly.

mr.complaint said...

City employees: 2x
NYPD: 2(City employees).
NYPD with out-of-state plates: 3.4(City employees)+20% gratuity.
Blue states:3x
Red states: 2π
Texas plates: 20(sinx+y)

Crappy old 10-speeds: FREE

But the best idea is to cancel the whole thing and make it all free. Then congestion will be at a total gridlocked standstill, which is when I feel safest.

Cameron said...

Do you know why the British don't make computers?






They couldn't figure out a way to make them leak oil!

THANK YOU!
I'll be here all week, and be sure to tip your waitress and bartenders!

ZiP said...

mad old news now, but i'm still cracking up over the initial "jumping the shark" reference. good stuff.

Antonio said...

Hilarious post today but personally I'm against this congestion plan. It's total horseshit. I live in NYC and I drive into work every day simply because I'm not near a subway station and to rely on the bus service to get me there is like relying on Bush to say something intelligent. This plan is flawed and will inconvenience a lot of NYers, including those that don't drive in. Don't be fooled, the entire city will suffer because of this plan. Trains will be twice as packed, parking garages will lose money and congestion won't be reduced that much. And how do you charge the trucks that NEED to be in the city to make deliveries? That right there shows me that this plan isn't about congestion or pollution but about money. The city wants more of it. And if you live in the city be ready to pay more for everything cause the prices will go up since all these companies now have to pay $21 a day just to drive around in the Manhattan.

Want to really reduce congestion? Reduce the number of cabs on the streets. If you're forcing drivers to take the subway then why do we need cabs? Hiring traffic cops that give a damn. Crank down on double parking. Implement a better signal system to keep traffic flowing.

Personally I would be all for a plan that would reduce congestion and help the environment. But this isn't that plan.

Cameron said...

In light of today's topic--a scene actually witnessed and captured by yours truly on the way to work. To this day, I still see this chick driving around in her disproportionately large H3. I wonder if she ever learned how to change a tire.

techb3 said...

youre so witty. it must be a difficult job keeping up with craigslist postings, fixedgeargallery posts and events around town. how do you ever find time to ride?

BikeSnobNYC said...

techb3,

Easy--I've outsourced the riding.

--RTMS

Anonymous said...

I guess the real response that should come after all of you taking the time and effort to defend zipcars would have to be: f**k you if you can't take a joke. This is a satirical blog. Look up the word if you're unsure what it really means.

leroy said...

To Jim's astute treaty and Mr. Complaint's sensible price scale, I proffer the following friendly amendment:

$2:00 discount for any car with that "I Brake for Hallucinations" bumper sticker.

mamsterla said...

What about a surcharge for stickers proclaiming sexual orientation - I don't need to know if you are straight, bi, tri, or anything else when I see you driving around.

To be fair we can also do it for the cars that have the family stickers. A buck per member - Mommy, Poppy, Anna, Chuck, Willy and Thumper. A Pox on all of you for letting me know about your happy little nuclear family.

Anonymous said...

I don't know what an "Escalade-Pushing Moto-Tard" is, but the $125 fee is definitely warranted.

techb3 said...

in response to Anonymous' response to techb3...hey Anonymous, FUCK YOU too. while i was looking up "satirical" i came across another word that you might want to check out: ASSHOLE. thats not satire.

bikesgonewild said...

...wow...occasionally there is the odd intelligent response to a 'rip torn mugshot' post & all of a sudden my smarmy atitude has to sit back in pondering repose...

...should bsnyc/rtms have a change of heart & wish to extend this blog past it's date w/ a suspended plexiglas telecommunications coffin, he could probably pull it off...

...by simply reformatting it's context & content, he'd actually get serious responses...& the ire of we regulars could be staved off through the distribution of some leftover "seal of disapproval" stickers & fake autographed rip torn mugshot photos...

...hmmmm, endless possibilities...

Anonymous said...

hey techb3, i can't seem to figure out where you were defending zip cars so I can only imagine you must have not read that the post wasn't directed at you at all. Now look up fucking moron.

Jim said...

Hey, Techb3, do you ever find that when you get to the bottom you go back to the top of the slide,
where you (skid)stop and you turn and then you go for a ride 'til you get to the bottom and you see us there, yeh, yeh yeh?

Just askin'.

techb3 said...

actually, i've read them all. despite my reactions i have yet to address bikesnob or any other member who has commented with the hatred and contempt i suddenly feel for you. In a related story, i dont believe my comment was directed to you either so with that i bid you a kind "fuck off." MYOFB

Anonymous said...

Tech3b,

If you know where you are, please go back to where you came from. If not, please find a phone and dial 911 because I think you're having a psychotic break.

sigh.

techb3 said...

over and out. see you at the bottom of the slide.

pinchfinger said...

Dear RTMS,

I'm curious, does a BSNYC sticker count as espousing one's religious beliefs?

I gots to know.

Anonymous said...

Re:
'Please leave the Rockies to us, we're tired of hearing that Jackson Hole "F***in' sucks compared to the indoor slope in that mall in Flushing Meadows."'
The rest of you should also leave us alone. I was at Alta yesterday and heard a tourist say "I thought this was supposed to be the greatest snow on earth." Its fucking April and there's a 13 foot base and he complains its too springy? What do you want from us?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Pinchfinger,

Cars with BSNYC stickers are exempt from any and all congestion charges. That's why I'm pushing for this thing. If it goes through I can retire on sticker sales.

--BSNYC

Commiecanuk said...

Ok, so we drive the populous into the subways, but then we're going to need more surcharges:

+$1.00 for fat people
+$2.00 for anyone with BO or Axe body spray
+$28.00 for hands-free cell phone users shouting like insane homeless people about tomorrow's sales meeting.
+$10.00 for guys who hit on women.
+$10.00 for guys who hit on guys
+$5.00 for those who walk between cars for no good reason.
+$3.00 for that guy who always sleeps through his station.
+$2.50 for anyone with leaky headphones listening to "American idol" albums.
+$12.50 for anyone listening to "Canadian idol" albums.


The proceeds of this should be used to subsidize other riders: the poor, students, Canadians, Haliburton Gas and Oil, etc.

And of course, hot chicks ride for free.

Commiecanuk said...

tech3b...is that a picture of you or Jesus?

Anonymous said...

you guys are assholes, and boz you're a putz. BS, you're cool

techb3 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mr.complaint said...

mr. complaint approved auto

http://tinyurl.com/45n5rx

lorna doone said...

Hey techb3,
Belleview called. Your dinner is ready.
Better head home, quick.

T said...

Tech3B, You are a handsome man, if a bit insecure.

And I went to the trouble of diagramming Jims plan.

Anonymous said...

do "what would techb3 do?" bumperstickers could as religious affiliation announcements?

Anonymous said...

congestion pricing is dead. Time to leave NYC for good. This place will continue to suck even more without CP. Let's hope at least Central Park can be closed to cars all day every day all this summer. Heck, why wait for summer; close Central Park right now to cars. All those douches living in Westchester can tell their drivers to find another way into midtown.

techb3 said...

thanks for the reminder...i prefer the cuisine at Eastern State. Nothing beats southern cooking. see for yourself.

http://www.rootsweb.ancestry.com/~asylums/eastern_ky/historydoc.html

Pinchfinger said...

BSNYC,

Diabolically clever. By charging for all other stickers you make them obsolete; then only BSNYC stickers have any value and you corner the market.
Genius!

techb3 said...

oh, im glad you mentioned the techb3 sticker idea. too bad they are already in production.
here

Anonymous said...

BikesnobNYC,
You are such an idiot,whether or not you are joking or serious you seem to be against most everytrhing that you don't agree with.Iknow this is part of the reason for having a BLOG in the first place,but enough is enough.
I do,however agree with a couple of your points but why are you so angry?

Anonymous said...

In order to bring on the carpocolypse you need more cars not fewer. Have unlimited car service and taxi licenses. Cheaper gas should be available in midtown.
Remove parking meters. Maybe remove key traffic lights ?
Let market forces work things out.

Anonymous said...

techb3,
I don't see where it says "what would" or "do?" but I guess in your case, that's close enough.

Anonymous said...

With whom is techb3 holding a conversation?
Anyone have any thoughts on this?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 4:36pm,

To answer your question: yes.

--Rip Snob's Bike Mug

Anonymous said...

techb1 and techb2 perhaps?

thefutureofamerica said...

"I wouldn't be surprised if the rapid turnover of their fleet cancels out any of the supposed green-ness of their endeavors."

As I said, that's because you're a snarky comedy cycling blogger, not an engineer *that we know of*.

If you jumped over to the automotive section of craigslist, you'd see plenty of powdercoated former ZipCars for sale to the less urban, hip denizens of the NY metro area. Things don't just fall off the edge of the world when they leave the 5 boroughs. I'm living proof.

Boz said...

Anon 4:15 -
thanks for not lumping me in with the assholes - appreciate the shout-out

Strayhorn said...

Jim said " . . . anything that helps keep us middle class scum out of New York, and enhances the size and impermeability of the Kael Bubble* . . ."

Hey, you forgot your footnote. Unlike Lowell George or Frank Zappa, you have to close the thought. That's OK, though, as I never knew anyone who voted for Jesse Helms.

I like the idea of taxing by gruppo because I'm way too cheap to replace my front derailer.

techb3 said...

i guess "anonymous" isnt reading the comment tree either. hope this satisfies the bumper sticker protocol. here

bikesgonewild said...

...wow...developing a product line...

...the new ceramic "rip snob bike mug"...guaranteed to keep your overpriced "blah, blah, blah" caffeinated wonder drug pipping hot...use it in the office, on the bike or if you dare, in your 'waiting in line' car...
...only $19.95 on-line @ bsnyc/rtms.com...not sold in stores...

Anonymous said...

I think this is for thefutureofamerica:
http://www.cafepress.com/zipcar.31939356
too bad there isn't a hoody.

Anonymous said...

techb3:
thanks for correcting it. I'll take a dozen.

Anonymous said...

techb3:

what's that brown stuff on your thumb?

Christopher said...

Top 100!

techb3 said...

ask your mom.

Anonymous said...

Okay, techb3, you're in.
You took shit and came back for more, dishing out a little of your own on the way.
You got moxie, kid

techb3 said...

gracias. i'll leave the forum open now for what the original post was all about. until next time...smfd

Anonymous said...

techb3, mom says keep your finger out of your ass. You don't know where that thumb has been.

bikesgonewild said...

...techb3...
...a bumper sticker that sez "what would a arayan brotherhood member in prison do" bumpersticker ???...

...is there a need for that ???...sheesh, just askin'...

techb3 said...

someone did their homework! kudos. guess it's time to change the profile photo. i'm impressed. finally someone has been paying attention to the news. he does kind of look like a hipster to the news deficient though. dont you think?

Anonymous said...

I asked my mom techb3, she said crazy dudes like to feed the baby birds living beard with poopy thumb.

techb3 said...

she's right. here is a photo of me in union square feeding baby birds with "poopy" thumb. enjoi

JimmyNick said...

Damn ... dropped on the Koppenberg and couldn't get back on. The cobbles were all slick with shit-covered thumbs. Yes, I admit: I abandoned.

Anonymous said...

that is the last time I click a link from tech3b!

techb3 said...

:). couldnt resist. its a crippler.

bikesgonewild said...

...two things, bsnyc/rtms...

...bloomberg's plan just got shot down & perhaps more disturbing, CBGB's just got turned into a 'punk-ish' fashion boutique...

...shed a tear for hilly kristal & the CBGB legacy on your ride into work in the morning...an empty gutted shell would have been a better tribute...

...ps::: i want a piece of the action on those rip snob bike mugs...coffees brewin'...

JimmyNick said...

Is a techB3 player the same as an iPod?

Anonymous said...

I love you Bikesnob. I'd fuck you just for the pillow talk.

Anonymous said...

podium

Anonymous said...

http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sby/bik/633934305.html

Dobie said...

Actually keeping a car in your driveway does hurt the environment. The energy and resources needed to produce a single car is huge. So not having that car is perhaps one less car that gets produced somewhere along the line. AND those Zip cars encourage use only when you really need it. Instead of driving every time you want that slurpee, maybe you walk instead, and drive only when you want the big gulp.

Anonymous said...

Good job Techb3 with the tubgirl link. Is goatse next?

Anonymous said...

What's the surcharge for a "One less car" sticker on a car?

Personally, I'd rather see a political/religious sticker than something like THAT.

Hey, people... why are you going to pour gasoline on a fire? I realize we can't /ignore here but honestly... let Techb3's poopy thumb grease up his spacebar and move on. There's really no reason to pay any attention to him - are you all so retarded to think he's not just TRYING to get a rise out of you at this point? No matter how intelligent your rebuttals are it's just going to encourage him. Oh yeah, and BTW: That stripper wasn't really planning on leaving with you (and she's not really in college for marine biology either).

OpenYourEyes said...

Holy Shit! Between covering a great topic (RTMS), having a psyco attempt a blog hijack (techB3), a geography lesson (Jim) and getting r.a.'d (r.a.), today was a cornucopia of writing. Well done!

Well done except for you blog hijacker- posting over a few times without being the moderator does not show moxie, it shows socially deviant tendencies with a whole lot of anti-social behavior mixed in, topped off with whipped cream and a little cherry.

Oh, and nuts, don't forget the nuts.

Also, telling fellow (non-psychotic) posters to fuck off over and over again reveals that you are 11 years old and just learned a cool new saying for someone who disagrees with you. You need only ask prolly and the crew what happens when you raise the ire of the this group(po). Wait- that would mean you were something other than a blog tourist gracing our presence with your witty and artful writing for but a moment, before you inevitably move on to your next attention seeking blog hijack attempt.

Cheers, douchebag.

Andy Pandy said...

What about a surcharge for Baby on Board stickers on massive 4 wheel drives. Having to look at them makes me puke that the inhabitants are so pompous that they have to publize about the fruits of the successful act of coitus

Mark said...

openyoureyes

well put, brother, well put

Adam said...

Anon @ 4:36 said:

"you seem to be against most everytrhing that you don't agree with."

Yeah, that's totally weird. It's almost like he... disagrees with the things he doesn't agree with. Come to think of it, I might have that problem too...

Oh, and I hate zip cars. How am I supposed to be like Michael Ball when they don't offer Escalades?

Anonymous said...

Umm could this be why techb3 is so unhappy?

http://velospace.org/user/8283

and

www.techb3.com

Same photo.

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bikesgonewild said...

...awww...i'll bet it's been a big day for techb3...he's prob'ly sittin' around tonite in his jammies w/ the built in foot thingy's, all tuckered out...besides all that kung-fu defending of ego & attitude, he took the time to introduce his family to the regulars...

...first there was the bumper sticker w/ a picture of his brother who makes $0.46 a day doing laundry in the lovely town of ossining, up on the hudson...
...& then the picture of his sister, in the tub doing what she does best in life...heck, not just anybody can do that kinda specialized work...
...& when ya take the time to share w/ the boys, well ya can't be all bad...& hey, at least the guy builds bikes, even if they're overpriced...

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Andy Pandy said...

Is someone here challening alien life forms

Andy Pandy said...

Whoops typing skills are off today , should be channelling

Anonymous said...

"since looking for actual information here is like looking for derailleurs on Fixedgeargallery." should be, "*because* looking for actual information here is like looking for derailleurs on Fixedgeargallery."...

Anonymous said...

techb3, have a cup of tea and a lie down mate, you seem to be a little tense. Maybe even give yourself an uppercut while you're at it...

stream of nothing said...

great post......man, you're so loved. What's Escalade-Pushing Moto-tards anyone??????????

Anonymous said...

Umm techb3's velospace page has gone private. Did someone's feelings get hurt?

Anonymous said...

the sad thing is, the tech guy was pretty boring. At least if you are going to take over a comment area of a blog, be interesting.

As Ogre would say, you are a NERD!

Anonymous said...

techb3 - It's "over," or it's, "out." It's never, "over and out."

...and "out" means, "no further transmissions."

You broke your promise to us several times since 4:40 yesterday.

Please, step away from the transmit button.

Anonymous said...

very useful read. I would love to follow you on twitter.

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Anonymous said...

Hey idiots, NYC is not like London or any European city. It was built,planned and structured for commerce. That is why we have a grid system, underground rail lines, and once the greatest seaport in the world with goods coming into and out of all points East and West. People always rode bikes here. This used to be a financially livable city with employment in all economic strata where families used to live. There was room for blue collar workers, white collar, light manufacturing, and the greatest rail and ship lines envied by the world. Now it is a third world economy...dependent on tourism and fines...no port to speak of, no light manufacturing, no real finance jobs(they escaped to Conn., India, Far East, etc.)Rotten schools, rotten standard of living,super corrupt politicians, and people who have remade this a city that closes at 5:00PM M-F. There are close to a million less people living here than in the 50's! I hope I can escape before the Bloomberg's, Malone's and implants completely destroy the fabric of the once great city I was raised and once worked in. This was once a great and exciting place to live, work, and raise a family in. RIP and thanks for the memories, they've raped, robbed, and defaced you beyond recognition.Walking along the old abandoned docks breaks my heart..no more markets, neighborhoods, shopping districts, haunts,or human electricity...it's a place as bland,humorless, as the creeps that have somehow taken over.Unbelievable, narrowing "Broadway", closing Times Square, parts of 57th st.and 34th Street to traffic!This has become a city for the rich and the hapless homeless. Empty glass boxes, no more craftsmen, no more imagination or energy...not even a decent plumber...only bookkeepers, accountants, meter maids, and fast food delivery people on bikes, rickshaws!! What the F*&*^?!

Anonymous said...

It seems like the only intelligent or thoughtful post was Antonio's. How are deliveries to be made? How are musicians, tradesmen, UPS, Fedex, truckers... people who must have vehicles supposed to function...I suppose air lifts and parachutes might be an option except that the heliport was closed due to air congestion and rotten maintenance. Too many taxes, no more municipal parking, NO PARKING or STANDING on pain of bankruptcy. Manhattan used to be the cheapest and most convenient place to live in if you"knew"the city. OY VEY!!Everything here now costs a fortune,if you can find it! Why is Antonio the only one who understands or cares why? Bloomberg, Paterson,(must we have to keep seeing Koch?) and the rest of you city council groveling asses(to Bloomberg)term limits-- go away! This guy runs the the city like a business, yeah a sweatshop...tax, permits necessary to breathe, levy fines on every thing and every activity unless you are rich enough to pay...destroy the little guy...a service economy for the poor to service the rich! Voters, rebel! It's the only hope unless the entire city goes on strike like it did when people had the energy and intelligence to care! What would happen if no-one showed up to vote? It's non-violent but would send a real message and shake up the nation!Alas, some people like getting the raw deal.

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