Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Worst of NYC Craigslist Bike Ads #46-#50

Among the many great comments on yesterday's post was this one:

bikesnobsnob said...
Thanks Sheldon for being open to all those who rode bicycles and for putting aside petty name calling and bitching for the true love of the bicycle. Bikesnob could learn a lesson from you.

Sorry, BSS. A reptile cannot change its scales, and my craven behavior allows us to appreciate SB that much more. The name-calling and bitching shall continue.

Speaking of name-calling, eloquent fossil John Updike inadvertently may have stumbled upon the literary prototype for the mainstream cycling publication bicycle review. As I flipped though this week's issue of "The New Yorker" looking for arty naked pictures, I stumbled upon the b-word in an article he had written about the Irish writer Flann O'Brien. Amidst all Updike's bloviating, I found this quote, from O'Brien's 1940 novel, "The Third Policeman:"

How can I convey the perfection of my comfort on the bicycle, the completeness of my union with her, the sweet responses she gave me at every particle of her frame? ... She moved beneath me with agile sympathy in a swift, airy stride, finding smooth ways among the stony tracks, swaying and bending skillfully to match my changing attitudes, even accommodating her left pedal patiently to the awkward working of my wooden leg.

Stunned, I immediately went to Cyclingnews and read their review of the LeMond Victoire, and found this:

The Victoire performed very well when putting power to the pedals with excellent acceleration, and the light weight coupled with extra layers of carbon at the bottom bracket made the LeMond float on the climbs. With the 72 degree seat angle I felt like I could stay in the saddle comfortably on longer climbs and keep things steady versus constantly swapping between standing and sitting. The Victoire's quick handling takes a bit of getting used to but this translated into great get-up-and-go when going for those end-of-ride sign sprints. Ride quality was spot on overall.

Now I'm no English professor, but it's really just some carbon fiber and a wooden leg away.

Much further towards the crap end of the literary spectrum, of course, are the Craigslist bikes for sale ads. If you're in the market for a new bike, here's the latest ones to avoid:


Looking to trade my 55cm bianchi pista for a nice road bike (Union Square) [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/bik/560245580.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2008-02-02, 1:30AM EST

Hello there,

I'm looking to trade my pista for a road bike.
Its a 2007, chrome model.
The stock seatpost and stem have stripped so I am missing those.
(actually still have the seatpost)
Also, I have taken the clear coat off the chrome and scuffed it up a bit,
and I've removed the anodizing on the cranks. They look cool.
lastly, there are three dents in the top tube.
Nevertheless, a new stem and seatpost and this bike is good to go!

Fixed is hard on my knee and I'm looking for a fast road bike.
Hopefully I will find something good.
Looking for steel, lugged, old school but quality.
Could be worn, if worn well.

Thank you

This guy is jumping head-first off the fixed-gear indie band-wagon, abandoning his studiously pre-distressed Pista for a similarly pre-distressed road bike. I wonder if he also rubs his calves on the sidewalk to get fake road rash, makes ollie holes in his Chuck Taylors with a file, and fades his brand-new tattoos under a heat lamp.

**NICE MAKINO FIX GEAR BIKE CHECK IT OUT*** (Chelsea) [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/bik/559372170.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2008-02-01, 10:23AM EST

hi iam selling my MAKINO FIX GEAR BIKE!! SIZE IS A 52CM here are some specs! BEST OFFER TAKES IT!!
MAKINO FRAME AND FORK
WORLD FACE HANDLE BARS
TECHROMIC STEM
BONTREGAR SEAT POLE -carbon fiber seat pole- VIPER SEAT STEM IS TECHROMIC MAVIC CX33 BLUE RIMS 18T ON THE REAR RIM VALIANT V2 TIRES BOTH MATCH CHAIN RINGS IS A 48T THE BRAND IS GIRHARDT GIP -LIGHT RED COLOR- WELL IF U HAVE ANY QUESTIONS FEEL FREE TO EMAIL ME THANKS. EMAIL IS [deleted] PS REMEMBER IS A PROFESSIONAL TRACK BIKE THERE R NO BRAKES!!! BEST OFFER TAKES IT!! BEST OFFER TAKES IT!! BEST OFFER TAKES IT!! BEST OFFER TAKES IT!! BEST OFFER TAKES IT!!



What the hell is a "Bontregar Seat Pole?" Is that something the Vikings used to sack villages? I'm sorry that he left out the part about how "this bike is not for the faint of heart." Please somebody make the best offer, take it, and rehabilitate it. It's too late for the owner, but we can still save the bike.

Phil Wood X Mash SF track hubs - $300 (Lower East Side) [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/bik/558811930.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2008-01-31, 6:43PM EST

32h 100mm front, 120mm rear. Limited edition. Item located in SAN FRANCISCO. Will ship to NY for free or can meet up in NYC after Feb 15th.

Track, HED, Spinergy, Aerospoke.


Uh-oh, another Mission fixed-gear freestyler is moving east and needs rent money, so he's selling his Phil/Mash collabo hubs. Bushwick ain't cheap anymore. I love the west coast, but I think it's time we implement some kind of quota. Bikes here are getting too bubble-gummy and I squarely blame San Francisco.

attn.wheel builders rare pinapple hub for sale - $65 [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/wch/bik/561790139.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2008-02-03, 4:45PM EST

rare pinapple hub for sale still built on a rim so you can copy the pattern and spoke lenght ,,rim and nipples are shot..cnc macined hub w/seal cart bearing.32 hole 16 in the hub 16 on the flange must come to together and twist



Who needs Phil Woods anyway? If you want to be original, just build up one of these babies. Or, if you want the same aesthetic effect, lace up a Russet potato. (Just let it sit awhile to grow some eyes).




ULTRA RAD CANNONDALE 29er [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/bik/561581611.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2008-02-03, 1:11PM EST

Bad Boy Ultra
hand made Furio aluminum frame size SMALL for riders 5'-9" or smaller; 29 in. standover
ULTRA FATTY FORK with lock out feature
DISK BRAKES
FLAT BAR
CUSH OURY GRIPS
MAVIC 700c/29in. hand made wheels

custom parts- upgraded and lighter
excellent condition- ready to ride
tons of accessories

THEE ULTIMATE STEALTH STREET ROCKET BIKE

$800 obo


Your bike is not a 29er. It is a hybrid on steroids. It is the American Gladiator of hybrids. And it's obviously not housetrained, which is why it's on the paper.

86 comments:

Anonymous said...

podium!

WheelDancer said...

Great start to the post-Sheldon era; keep your scales, it's a good cross reference!

First?!

Philip Barrett said...

2 of the bikes pictured have newspaper/cardboard underneath. Surely the dreaded vintage Triumph syndrome has not made it's way to the fixed gear?

one Les car said...

love the cannondale....it's such a beast

chick said...

yuck... that lemond victoire is fugly!

sd said...

Followed the link for the wood hubs... ended up somehow in an argyle hell. I've already seen 3 argyle racing kits this year, and it's only February. Whats next, tweed shorts?

Anonymous said...

What the hell is wrong with tweed. In England it is so now, it's over...

http://www.dashingtweeds.co.uk/dt/tailoredoutfits/?page_id=43

Jonathaan said...

'BEST OFFER TAKES IT!! BEST OFFER TAKES IT!! BEST OFFER TAKES IT!! BEST OFFER TAKES IT!! BEST OFFER TAKES IT!!'

Head On - apply directly to the forehead!

Head On - apply directly to the forehead?

HEAD ON - APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD!

Anonymous said...

And she looks HOT

http://www.dashingtweeds.co.uk/dt/tailoredoutfits/?page_id=47

silly said...

Rick Ross TRILLA!

Cameron said...

The guy looking for a properly aged road bike has obviously been to my gallery and wants to be the first passenger on the Old-Ten-Speed-Trend Express.

BSNYC, where did you ever find a picture of 3 washed russets?

c

SocialistCanuck said...

I am wearing tweed shorts and worsted wool underwear right now and let me tell you it is the best.

Sprocketboy said...

I say, fellows, do you know about the Tweed Cycling Club? It was featured in "the Chap" magazine. Simply ripping!

www.tweed.cc

John Updike: no thought ever left unwritten.

Jim said...

A stealth street rocket bike? WTF is that? Stealth Street? Is that the little alley that's just up the street from McSorleys where I like to throw up gallons of their beer and some 1862-vintage cobwebs ingested when I tried to breath inside the bar? Or was that the front step on some brownstone? I'm so confused now.

Snob, do us a favor please, and post a warning before you cut & paste that stuff in here again, aight? I can't afford to lose my few functioning brain cells, and those CL listings made me something like 25$ stupider in just a matter of seconds. No telling what prolonged viewing could produce... Gary Busey, probably.

Anonymous said...

-A seat pole is a strippers chair.
Or something.

Art said...

Professional track bike? Just once I would like to see Theo Bos take the line on a bike like that. Also, if that first guy can't figure out what kind of wrenches to use on a brand new Pista, he should not be given an old road bike.

robert said...

Anon 11:24...

just wait until she smiles...
*shudder*

Matt in Seattle said...

Didn't anyone see the comments for the MASH Hubs? Oy Vey! They were a classic and powerful testament to the pulse taking power of this author:

"At 12:13 PM , Mickey said...
when do they drop?"

When do they drop? Where have I heard that before?

"But no matter how they occur, collabos, (or “corporate lame brand offerings”) are tremendously exciting. First of all, they don’t “come out” or “become available.” That’s reserved for boring things like sandwiches, commemorative coins, and heart medicines. Instead, they “drop.”

Holy crap!!

Also, thanks for your post about Sheldon, it was a fine description of him and I think he would have approved.

GFY

Matt

octopus magic said...

You can blame San Fransisco for the reason why Aerospokes, HED wheels, color matched nike dunks, and all over print hoodies are huge. Actually pretty much everything terrible "street wise" within the last 5 years or so has come from the Bay Area. Mix in their fetishization for anything Japanese and you've got the reason why everyone wets their pants over heavy, out of date Keirin bikes.

A Pity.

leviathan said...

Art:
I was thinking the same thing when I read that. In less than a year he stripped out the stem and the seatpost. I'd hate to see what he'd do if he got his hands on a road bike.

gttim said...

Is distressing your bike like distressing a pair of jeans? Should I just take some course sandpaper and hit the high spots? Maybe go heavy around the bottle cages so it looks like I have been drinking a lot of sports drink on long base rides? Maybe hit the outside of the shifters so it looks like I "traded paint" with other guys during insane sprints? Rough up the new bar tape a bit? Maybe make it look like I work on my own bike by leaving repair stand marks on it? My new De Rosa Protos is going to looks so cool after I distress the hell out of it!

mr.complaint said...

No need to swap, there seem to be free orange "road bikes" all over town.

Steve said...

You referenced "The New Yorker" and "The Third Policeman" in the same post?

Priceless.

Great, funny, book, btw.

jamie said...

http://asheville.craigslist.org/bik/564687931.html

check out the revolutionary handlebar setup on this mountain beauty.

erik k said...

I would expect to see a mass dumping on Cannondales onto craigslist, in a mad dash effort by their owners to get ride of them as the company has been purchased by Dorel and the bikes will soon be seen in big box department stores everywhere soon (dare I say Wallmart)

gttim said...

jamie said...

check out the revolutionary handlebar setup on this mountain beauty.


Guy selling bike says: "I don't know much about it...

Understatement of the day.

redvic said...

the makino douchebag claimed he had an offer of $1200 on the first day of posting...

O'Claire said...

"I love the west coast, but I think it's time we implement some kind of quota."
Man, do I agree. All that coastal hipness flying both ways over Wisconsin is starting to sprinkle down from above with some frightening consequences. I have an almost irresistable urge to get a tribal tat, some manpris, and stage an ally cat race at the cheese factory.

bikesgonewild said...

...ah, fixed gear redux...

...write, bikesnob, write !!!...

CM said...

a better Third Policeman quote:


"…The gross and net result of it is that people who spent most of their natural lives riding iron bicycles over the rocky roadsteads of this parish get their personalities mixed up with the personalities of their bicycle as a result of the interchanging of the atoms of each of them and you would be surprised at the number of people in these parts who are nearly half people and half bicycles… "

Polygraf said...

How the hell do you lace a pineapple hub and is this why they are so rare? Yes BSNY I think an idaho potato hub is more apt to be stealthy you know for those nights when you need to sneak into your own neighborhood avoiding the stalkers.

From cannondale's site describing the urban "capo"
"Winner of Indiana's Little 500 in addition to countless on-time deliveries in major metro areas"
Erik K your tellin me i can soon get this bike and a 24 pack of toilet paper at walmart, now thats america!

Anonymous said...

erik k...

Cannondale's will not be available in big box stores soon. Dorel is creating a separate division "Cannondale Sports Group" with Cannondale, Sugoi and GT to focus on the IBD channel. While Pacific Cycle, their existing division, will continue to focus on the mass market channel.

And in response to your blog on the issue....if Cannondale "dies a slow death" (which they won't), then yes, there are people that would care.

bikesgonewild said...

woogie woogie!!!!!!!!!!!
Snarf!!!!!!!!!!!!

Strayhorn said...

erik k brings us the sad news that C-dale has been bought out. Oy.

I can suggest a new business model for them, however. Just sell the frames. From looking at Ebay and Craigslist, there seems to be more C-dale frames on the market than complete bikes. WTF?

As someone who has burned a significant amount of wire in his day, I can say I've always admired their welds. Especially since the aesthetic seems to have shifted to welds that look like those between the plates of a Liberty Ship.

Jim said...

Strayhorn, you know Liberty Ships were famous for getting 1500 miles out in the Atlantic, then suddenly falling apart at the welds, right?

What are you trying to say? That Canondale should have stuck to making motorcycles?

Mark said...

Size does matter, when it comes 29ers and this ain't no 29er. I liked your commentary on us Mountain Bikers a few posts ago. It is a common arguing point.

OpenYourEyes said...

jamie-

I think the 'revolutionary handlebar setup' is merely the front wheel turned around. It doesn't seem like the poster knows/cares about much related to bikes save the opportunity to make $50.

The mountain beauty does display the same innovative design as the LeMond, in that it has the girl's bike inspired sloping top tube going for it.

Gaahl from Gorgorot said...

Vi brenner guds barn på bålet!

I want that bad boy, will it ship to Norway?

Anonymous said...

lemond can suckit

bikesgonewild said...

...bikesnob...fgg has a great sheldon brown gunnar posted today...

...it's equipped in the typical sheldon "just because these parts were designed to work one way, doesn't mean we can't modify them to work the way we want them to work" manner...

...always reaching, always achieving...always sharing...thanks mr b...

wonder mouse said...

I ride the stealth street bike and I am the rocket.

Scott Gordo said...

Looks like someone's trying to dump his Cannondale before he can find it in Walmart. I've never thirsted for the oversized aluminum monstrosities, but no decent bike company deserves to go where they're headed: Waldales! Even worse then their former nickname.

Cycle Jerk said...

Blogging 101:
Any post that includes the word "bloviate" is a success.

As you were..

erik k said...

Anonymous 1:10 most of my theory about the big box store future was based off this comment on Drunkcyclist.com which reads as follows:

"Are we about to see Cannondale in big box stores?

As a result of the acquisition, Dorel’s recreational/leisure segment, which includes Pacific Cycles, InStep, Playsafe and Roadmaster, will be split into two separate divisions. The Cannondale Sports Group, which will target the independent bicycle dealer and be separate from the mass-market line, will include Cannondale, Sugoi, GT and the company’s other premium bicycle brands, presumably Schwinn and Mongoose.

You got that? Cannondale Sports Group (CSG) will be in independent bicycle dealers (IBD). And Cannondale (C) will be right up there with Schwinn and Mongoose in the “mass market line” (SHIT).

Oh, such fun."

stokedonspokes said...

yeah San Francisco...since i moved here from NYC a month ago now i still see no one actually riding any of these bubble-gummy track bikes. However, I do see a great deal of people walking them...to the bar or coffee shop. Don't need to ride them to look cool apparently? I mean, after all, the bikes are no more than a small dog in a purse sorta deal.

Anonymous said...

erik k....

Please check drunkcyclist.com again, as big jonny admits that he was having some fun with the press release and doesn't believe that Cannondale will be on the shelves at Wal-Mart anytime soon.

Also, you can read the full press release at dorel.com to clear up any confusion you may have on the issue.

Thanks.

bikesgonewild said...

...stokedonspokes...just wondering if you were part of that 'cyclists exchange program', meant to instill some grit in the mission & some flair in nyc ???...

stokedonspokes said...

never heard of a "cyclist exchange program"...certainly doing my part to bring the East Coast attitude.

stokedonspokes said...

and i'd rather keep that type of "flair" outta NYC.

bikesgoneriled said...

...I...hate...ellipses...

leroy said...

BSNYC -- My cousin Gray Beard asked me to convey the following:

"Arrrghh, matey, that O'Brien quote be pirate bike porn. The wooden leg be the tip off.

Have ye no shame, buck-o?

I had ta make sure me parrot averted his impressionable eyes."

bikesgonewild said...

...stoked...hey, at least this town serves a good messenger bag, ah, what i meant to say was burrito...

...mission, fillmore, even cow frickin' hollow...

bikesgonewild said...

...bikesgoneriled...no worries, mate...if you hate 'em, i'll use 'em instead...leroy & friends gave me a an ellipses key for my computer & as you can see, it works...

...now fuck this nonsense, i'm going for a ride & think about sheldon's good work a little more...

yonk said...

"PS REMEMBER IS A PROFESSIONAL TRACK BIKE..."

Oh, yes. Saw the World Cup and many a rider were indeed sporting a riser bar & pad in the velodrome.

Wow. That’s a lot of hand-making that went into your ULTRA RAD CANNONDALE. It is “THEE ULTIMATE STEALTH STREET ROCKET BIKE” (So, how did you get those mass-producing multi-national corporations to stop and hand craft the parts of your rig? Do tell.)

Captain Bike is dead. Long live Captain Bike.

Anonymous said...

Erik K:

I'm not unloading my Cdale... I got a 2007 CAAD 8... they discontinued that model for 2008 so now I have a collector's bike. I'm going to wait 10 years then start www.oldtwentysevenspeedbikes.com.

stokedonspokes said...

yeah the burittos...maybe that's what needs to go to new york...

Anonymous said...

Nothing beats a Stealth Street Rocket. Big knobby tires on a mountain bike are just the thing for a quiet, fast ride on pavement.

Michael Green said...

Don't forget about this ad. Talk about Ultra Rad.

Michael Green said...

oops. I mean this one.
http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/bik/565051148.html

Michael Green said...

Seems like a lot of the DKNY bikes have been chopped up. Find out more at: Bikeblog.

Anonymous said...

i live on the corner of stealth and wing st.

Anonymous said...

bloviating !! I'm I the only one that had to look it up ?

Anonymous said...

Snobby: If you were perusing the New Yorker, you must've seen the cartoon of the slobby guy in his easy chair with his laptop perched on his knees saying to his equally slobby wife: "Do I need to remind you that I have a huge Internet following?"

Anonymous said...

what's great about the makino is that even though it's a 52cm frame, judging by the seat height, it's still too big for the current owner.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 6:28pm,

I missed it, but I just looked it up. Thanks, that's excellent.

--BSNYC

Anonymous said...

That dude's recommendation that BSNYC become helpful rather than hilarious is retarded. The cycling world needs only one Sheldon Brown, and anybody who tries to emulate him is just doing a disservice to his memory ... as well as being painfully redundant.

Keep fuckin' with cycling culture, BS! We can't get enough. :D

Endo-king said...

I had heard that Liberty ships broke apart because of improper welding - that, on the early ships, welders didn't 'back-weld,' they just welded in one bead, from one end of the bulkhead to the other, thereby welding in a bunch of stress, and the North Atlantic was happy to point that out.

Now, for something completely different; I have Chuck Taylors. They might need 'ollie holes,' but I don't know what they are. Neither does urban-dictionary.com.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Endo-King,

When you ollie a lot on a skateboard you can eventually wear a hole in the side of your shoe. (Especially if it's canvas.) That's an ollie hole.

--BSNYC

bikesgonewild said...

I must make multiple posts a day...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...

sprider said...

Maybe the person offering the C-dale thinks that a 29" standover makes the bike a 29er. Does that make my bike a 31er?

Anonymous said...

To anon 7:47

+1 on that.

Satire has its place in cycling too. America wouldn't be the same without both Mark Twain and Abraham Lincoln.

Anonymous said...

Flash Gordon: To your German friend insulting the memory of Sheldon, just say, "Later-hosen."

bikesgonewild said...

...dear fake bikesgonewild...

...if i didn't make multiple posts, you wouldn't have much of a fucking social life, huh babe ???...

...so stop complaining, ride yer bike...i ride mine...

Primal said...

I like the scales, It's what makes us all who we are.

KT said...

BEST OFFER TAKES IT!!! BEST OFFER TAKES IT!!! BEST OFFER TAKES IT!!!

-what is he, the Russ Hodges of Craigslist?

mc_burn said...

Here's one for the nex addition of the PistaDex. Looks like it's tanking like the rest of the market.
http://denver.craigslist.org/bik/564509744.html

Anonymous said...

re: my bad boy ultra 4 sale on craig's list.
i guess i shouldn't be surprised that my ad made it since this is BIKE SNOB. i know it's not a real mountain 29er but the use of hyperbole is common and useful in advertising and i am really only stretching the truth. and you know it. A real 29 inch fat mountain wheel won't fit under the fatty fork. real c-dale 29er uses a lefty. and I did say that the wheel was 700c. so my headline caught your eye which was my intention. and since the bike won't fit in my bathtub i washed it in my front hallway which is why the newspaper is down on the floor. but glad you noticed me u cunty bitch. much love.

Commiecanuk said...

Shame on you snobbie, everyone knows a bontrager seat pole is one of the fine handcrafting saddle-making artisans of Poland working for Bontrager.

Marrakesh Red said...

I blame Marin County for all of this

Anonymous said...

i think an entire blog could be centered around bad craigslist postings. here is a "single speed" jamis:
http://sacramento.craigslist.org/bik/1227030663.html

Anonymous said...

wtf lol fuck those ads

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