Friday, December 14, 2007

Worst of NYC Craigslist #38-#41

If you can't get it on Craigslist, chances are you can't get it. Then again, if you can get it on Craigslist, chances are you don't want it. Especially when it comes to bikes. Whether it's questionable items, questionable services, or questionable business propositions, you'll find it lurking in NYC's cycling cesspool.

51 NJS BOMBER PRO frame/fork/headset/bb/dura ace hubs/nitto stem - $900 [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/bik/511474024.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2007-12-16, 8:43PM EST

i have a beautiful lavender NJS BOMBER PRO. it's a 51 c-c and 52 top tube. it's chromed which will prevent the frame from rusting. it has a hatta bb, which will work with sugino cranksets. seatpost is 27.0. the spacing is different from the norm, so i had to special order hubs to fit the frame. dura ace 110 mm hubs. they cost a ton, so much i have literally blocked it out. over 250. i can't remember exactly. this frame has NO DENTS. some slight scratches on the chain stay. just beautiful. NO BRAKE HOLES. So if u don't know how to ride a track bike please don't bother, i really don't want someone killing themselves on these bikes. I will also throw in a 60 mm nitto perl stem. great deal, amazing parts to start your build. i'll also throw in some used risers i have and if u want i have some bright pink brand new orly's.


Translation: "I know very little about bikes but nonetheless I deceded I had to have an NJS track bike, even though I wasn't sure exactly what that meant. Consequently I got in over my head financially, and now that it's cold out I'm not interested in riding anymore anyway. Now my disillusionment can be your gain! Also, I'm not really concerned about someone killing themselves because they 'don't know how to ride a track bike.' I really just want to make the act of riding one sound badass--or at least as badass as riding a lavender bike can be. In reality I'd sell you this frame even if you've never ridden a bicycle in your life. My rent's not going to pay itself. Oh, right, one more thing. I meant 'Ourys.' 'Orly' is an airport in France."

BICYCLE FITTING DONE BY EXPERIENCED FITTER - $80 [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/bik/511809188.html
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2007-12-17, 8:24AM EST

I have been doing bicycle fittings for custum road bikes for 10 years (currently still in the business if you need a reference). Let me meet with you, check you out on your bicycle and make the adjustments needed to get you in the ideal position for your body type. I can meet you at a place of your convenience with my Cyclops trainer and tools. Send a contact number if your interested.

Call me a prude, but there's just something creepy about someone soliciting for bike fittings on Craigslist. I can't help imagining Blondie's "Call Me" playing as a Mercedes pulls up outside and a guy in a satin shirt unbuttoned to the mons pubis pulls a trainer, a laser pointer, and a case full of scented oils and candles out of the trunk. I wonder if he has trouble explaining to clients why a bubble bath is an integral part of his bike-fitting process. I also wonder if the $80 includes a happy ending.


Bike Mech. needed for disassem, invlvd with Frame Re-Painting prt time [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/bik/511330992.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2007-12-17, 8:24AM EST

I own quality equipment for spraying bikes with lacquer based automotive paint and have experience with painting bike frames and forks on a custom job type of basis. The experience I don't have is with properly dismantling and re-assembling bikes for the purposes of painting them. Something like a track bike is easy enough, but you put an 18-speeder with brakes derailer etc. in front of me.. and well... it could get ugly.

In the past, when I was located in Atlanta, I have had customers and friends take their bikes to an actual mechanic for dis/re-assembly, but I am looking to start the operation up here in Bushwick and need someone with this type of experience. I can offer profit sharing on a by-the-job basis, free paint-jobs (at materials cost), and the co-opting of equipment and tools needed for the purposes of maintaining your own stuff. I can guarantee the work wont be steady but the occasional odd job could be good if that is what you're looking for. Someone who needs supplemental income or extra cash is the right person. Ideally the right person to get involved would also be able to show me how to do basic things like remove a fork and would be available to do more advanced things themselves like remove a bottom bracket etc. I'm not a total idiot, I'm just not a gear-head- I'm proficient with tools but obviously dont understand the specialized field of bikes.

If you have your own tools, that's great. If you don't have your own tools but know what you need, I can acquire what is necessary provided you give me the working knowledge and some information/justification. I'm not asking for someone to be a wrench-slave, we're talking the occasional dis/re-assembly and possibly some maint. knowledge along the way. PS: I will only be taking paying-paint jobs, and you will be promptly paid your share in CASH upon finishing each job.

you can contact me at: [deleted]. Respond with "bike painting" as the subject please, and include a brief description of your experience and a phone number so we can meet up at a coffee shop and discuss plans. Individuals who do not respond with a phone number will not be contacted. Thanks for your time and enjoy the ride.

Free advice for aspiring frame painter: require customers to bring you their frames and forks already disassembled. If they can't do it themselves I hear there are these things called bike shops now that can do it for them. Here's a free slogan for you, too: "You strip it, I spray it."

Softride - Solo XL - Shimano 105 - Aero Bar Shifter - $525 (Midtown East) [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/bik/509322767.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2007-12-14, 2:41PM EST

Great starter bike for tall riders. Over 5'11". Used for two seasons. Nimble wheel NOT INCLUDED is $200.00, extra.



There was just a collision at the intersection of Triathlon Street and Vile Bike Avenue, and this is the twisted, smoking wreckage. But whatever you do, don't rubberneck, unless you want to be haunted by the gruesome aftermath for the rest of your days. And don't bring the Jaws of Life, because this is one crash victim that should be left to its fate. Yet I can't stop looking. I avert my eyes from the triple crank, only to have them alight on the downward-angled seat. (Though I suppose the angle is to account for the sag once you straddle that ridiculous see-saw coming off the top tube.) Confounded by that, I move on to the handlebars, only to be tormented by the shifter cables hanging off the front end like downed power lines in a hailstorm of ugliness.

I have nightmares in which I look up only to find thousands of Softrides falling from the sky, their riders straddling carbon beams and waving their helmets wildly like Slim Pickens in "Dr. Strangelove." I think the only people with the wherewithal to answer this ad are either the fixed-gear freestylers looking to get a good deal on the Nimble front wheel, or the kinds of people who like to watch live surgery. This is not a "starter bike" as the seller claims--unless what you want to start doing is riding around in short-shorts and a crop-top and making young children cry.


84 comments:

evictionsurplusltd said...

is this good?

Anonymous said...

Pou Pou

Perhaps a Parrot said...

...and the leadout man pumps his fist and, pulls off for third

Anonymous said...

damn!

ZiP said...

nice!

erik k said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
erik k said...

this has to be one of your best lines yet snob

"There was just a collision at the intersection of Triathlon Street and Vile Bike Avenue, and this is the twisted, smoking wreckage"

Anonymous said...

"I own quality equipment for spraying bikes with lacquer based automotive paint"

Get with the the times! they stopped painting cars with acrylic lacquer in the late 70's

gator joe said...

Snob, that is the butt-ugliest bike I have ever seen; you sure it is not a torture engine left over from the Spanish Inquisition?
I guess the old saying is true, that if you look hard enough you can find anything you want in NYC.

Stay warm.

Anonymous said...

Erik K,

This line is a very close second:
"This is not a "starter bike" as the seller claims--unless what you want to start doing is riding around in short-shorts and a crop-top and making young children cry."

Philip Barrett said...

"it's chromed which will prevent the frame from rusting"

Yeah right - believe that & I've got a nice Cinelli frame/fork to sell you.

Anonymous said...

We can meet, I'll check you out, then I'll get your body into the ideal position. Then I'll get out my cyclops!

I'm so hot for a bike fitting right now.

GhostRider said...

"...provided you give me the working knowledge and some information."

Translation: "I'll pay you a couple times as long as you show me how to do these assemblies/disassemblies, then I'll cut you right out of the picture."

Good luck with that, Mr. Painter Professional!

sh said...

This is not a "starter bike" as the seller claims--unless what you want to start doing is riding around in short-shorts and a crop-top and making young children cry.

Oh this was good. yep.

Anonymous said...

Why doesn't frame painter guy go to a bike repair workshop? Or get wild and invest in a book?

Strayhorn said...

There always seems to be a Softride or two on the various Craigslists in my state.

Yet I've never seen one actually being ridden. Are they like those books everyone buys but never reads (The Satanic Verses comes to mind)?

erik k said...

no, its just that they are soo ugly when you see people ridding them, your brain gets overwhelmed by their uglinesses which is so intense that the only way that your mind can cope with it is by means suppression. This of course is only just your mind subconsciously protecting itself.

Anonymous said...

I wish I could find the ad from Bicycle Retailer where they were selling off the Softride bike business. Included all the machinery and jigs for manufacturing the "see-saw"

leroy said...

Slim Pickens' most certainly was NOT thinking about Craigslist and the Interbike Show when he observed in Dr. Strangelove:

"Shoot, a fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all this stuff."

Yeeesh, that Softride was down right scary!

(Daniel -- today's leroydex means that, unless someone gets me a-talkin', you owe BGW a macro for his "...".)

Sleepy Head said...

That Softride...do you think the crank can make it all the way around without hitting the ground? It looks to me like you are going to have to pedal it with some type of bizarre rocking action.

Bluenoser said...

erik k is right about that line Snob.

Your best yet.

-B

bikesgonewild said...

...i believe alsop had visions of thousands of people riding softride carbon beams & waving their helmets in the air like slim pickens in dr strangelove...

...ultimately, they stopped worrying & learned to love their BOMB...to no avail...

Dr. Strangelove said...

and its this kind of bike snobery which keeps me coming back

what part was chrome of that lavender bike?

ive seen chrome rusting before

ridiculous

but plenty funny snob!

Prolly said...

If I had gotten a christmas bonus, I'd buy my girl that Bomber pro.

gttim said...

That Softride is hideous even for a Softride.

The people who buy them usually make the purchase because they have a back problem and they heard the Softride helps eliminate/reduce pain. They usually found out they heard wrong.

Dr. Strangelove said...

gttim

Is that a rumor completely?

those look like there the most uncomfortable bike ever made

SeattleM&M said...

What, no link to 'mons pubis'?

Ka_Jun said...

Damn. I thought I had seen some ugly bikes in my day. Yeesh. Like trying to ride a Probot.

mr.complaint said...

Softride is this guys 'starter bike' and if you buy a stupid bike you are stuck with a stupid bike.

I think the softride idea was about those rusty old prostate problems that happen if you don't set your bicycle up right. So we have a perfect pairing here the fitter and the softie. Maybe with the painter they can make a nice menage a trois.

More recent trends:

http://tinyurl.com/39gfzg

Flash Gordon said...

Well, the good news is that Softride is no more and the beams are no longer being made. They were banned from use in triathlons, which was their major market. I've had to do test rides on them at my shop and they are just as unfun as you think they are.

eärendil said...

"Ideally the right person to get involved would also be able to show me how to do basic things like remove a fork and would be available to do more advanced things themselves like remove a bottom bracket etc."

Apparently pulling and setting crown races and headtube bearing cups is much simpler than unscrewing a bottom bracket.

Also, I live in Bellingham, WA, where Softride is based, so I have had the unfortunate experience of seeing several of these creations in use. In fact I have even seen perfectly sensible old steel frames retrofitted with the softride seesaw clamped onto the top tube. Next time I see one I'll get a picture so as to share my suffering with others.

leroy said...

BSNYC --

There has been a run on flying oinking pigs since your post. They are sold out.

Apparently, you move markets.

You can still get a flying cow or chicken, however.

Mr. Complaint -- I think the seat you linked to belongs on the Softride. It looks kinda like a plush pleather bed pan.

Anonymous said...

As soon as I read the frame painter's headline I thought, "chop shop for stolen bikes".

GGehrke said...

eärendil said...
"In fact I have even seen perfectly sensible old steel frames retrofitted with the softride seesaw clamped onto the top tube."

Holy crap. That's my nominee for next year's Kludgie award.

And I think you're a bit hard on the fitting guy. Sounds to me like he's just using Craigslist as free targeted advertising for a service that he's already providing elsewhere. Considering how reluctant people are to go to the shop for a fitting, offering it on cragslist really isn't a half-bad idea. I'm sure the bubble-bath and glass of Two-Buck-Chuck that comes with it is just to calm their nerves.

And your translation of the NJS dude is SPOT-ON.

Anonymous said...

i thought softride died a natural market-driven death so wandered over to their website. lo and behold there they are: http://www.softride.com/bikes/bikes.html.
and yet, every bike is OUT OF STOCK. there is a god.

LiteEggNog said...

gttim had it right:

I might be the first on the blog to say this, but the Softride really does work:

Whenever I see a Soft-lete bouncing my direction, in their aero tuck, with their hairless bodies straining to keep the itsy-bitsy women's volleyball shorts on the beam of ugliness, any problems I have ever had or will ever had with elimination are gone. Viola!
I panic and think, "no, never be overtaken by a Soft-lete!" I piss myself in the fear (as if I were a hanged man losing all control of bodily function) that I would be caught by that mythical cross between horrifically ugly ride, and horrifically dim athlete.

The horror...

mm said...

"You strip it, I spray it."

I don't know what she's spraying, but THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.

Scott said...

Back in the day I was kinda hoping Softride would produce a couple of MTB models. Wouldn't that be awesome?

erik k said...

ehh,, just curious whats the leory dex as of now? im not good at math

-and whats the consensus on asshat?

is it some with their head up their ass

or

a disposable toilet seat cover

these seem to be the two prevailing theory's on the comment board

leroy said...

erik k --

The leroydex is 577:115 or about 5:1.

Oops, that made it 577:124.

No wait, that just increased it again.

D'oh.

Evershed said...

meh

CogXXXtremee said...

Rut butt dirty what? Kick it like a crutch! Not ask n much! Just a lil respect! Cause what the Heck? We all ride, we all wreck. So aint no worst and aint no best. Diss yo self but dont diss the rest. Bike snob you gots me messed. Hate'n for what they ride and how the dress, who are they trying to impress, Not you brother.
Show some respect and word to your mother, its all about bikes and how you treat one another.

marlo said...

bright pink brand new orly's

O RLY?

BikeSnobNYC said...

cogXXXtremee,

As the demanding customer with the hop in his wheel said to the mechanic: "True dat!"

--BSNYC

clayton said...

i wonder what the chances are CogXXXtremee is the seller behind the lavender frame?

Dingbat said...

"Orly's" is also moderately bad restaurant in Chicago. Too greasy for use on Handlebars, I think.

snoopdoug said...

Correct me if I'm wrong: A CycleOps trainer is a roughly bike-shaped device that can be used to approximate one's riding position. But a cyclops trainer is a guy who teaches one-eyed monsters to perform various tasks. Which raises the question, why does a professional bike-fitter bring a cyclops trainer with him to house calls?

leroy said...

Snoopdoug --

You ask: Why does a professional bike fitter bring a cyclops trainer with him on house calls?

Because his customers keep an eye out for him.

(Okay, I can't top the "true dat" pun. That was funny. Two wheels: Double true?)

Andy Pandy said...

If he is like my image of a Cyclops with a nasty looking wooden club it is simple... Enforcer

Andy Pandy said...

Or Gimp on a lead

dgmtc said...

"only to be tormented by the shifter cables hanging off the front end like downed power lines in a hailstorm of ugliness."

nice.
i keep wondering when you think these posts up.

broomie said...

Ohhh, today was a juicy treat!

1) I love happy endings, thats why I get fitted every payday.

2)Asshat is: head up ass

3)CogXXXtremee: I hope your rhyme was tongue in cheek, otherwise let us haters have our fun!

4)CycleOps trainer is just a brand of the magnetic or fluid trainers you put your bike on for indoor riding. You may be thinking of some of the bike fit systems on the market which vary from a few hundred to the thousands.

4a)Among MSM's (messengers who have sex with men)Cyclops trainer is code for penis tamer. You strip it, I'll spray it...

5)gttim: If you are who I suspect you are then please stop stalking me and quit squirting GU into my DMT's at T1. If not, then please disregard this note.

CogXXXtremee Fan! said...

See CogXXXtremee here:

http://www.laineygossip.com/ArticleDetail.aspx?ID=3944

Anonymous said...

After ProllyGate do you think we are that simple

CogXXXtremee Fan! said...

use someone elses cpu then!

Anonymous said...

that link is to an article about KFed

???

lt col tim said...

broomie,

at least in the army head up ass = "asshat" pretty common actually

and i don't think that i could stand a cyclops standing over me on my cycleops... unless he wore one of those pirate patches or somethin. having coach troy is bad enough

nick said...

Nameless pack fill . . . where I belong . . .

Jim said...

Dear dancing jehossaphat... You got a couple people there just don't get the bike ethos.

If you purport to work on bikes you can damn well figure out how to take them apart and put them back together. I'm an idiot who can't pick his nose without self-injury can do pretty much everything reasonably competently except install a new steering head - something not needed when merely repainting old iron.

As for the SoftRide... that's a hell of a piece of engineering. Too bad it's not a bicycle. The UCI defines a bicycle as possessing a 'double triangle' design. How do you describe a SoftRide - a double embarassment?

BunE said...

There is Craigslist madness EVERYWHERE! Here, in Kansas City. (missed y'alls at the cyclocross nationals)
http://kansascity.craigslist.org/bik/512658144.html

Anonymous said...

DING DING DING!!

I see another sign of the Fixed Gear Apocalypse.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2885aR6o6s

LOL!

-Kicks

Broomie said...

Funny for the first 2 minutes but like an SNL sketch it goes on a little too long.

-Cute

AskReamer said...

anon 2:something,
as a SF cyclist, I must say that's the funniest thing I've seen in about forEVER. Thanks you. BSNYC, this is so deserving, please give it some shine. He fuckin stepped over the front of the skateboard!!!

Frank the Tank said...

Hey Bikesgonewild-

Where's your commment? C'mon, you always have something to say. Let's hear it, you self-righteous asshole.

gttim said...

Is that a rumor completely?

those look like there the most uncomfortable bike ever made


The idea is that the beam acts as a shock and eliminates road shock that transports to your back. I have never ridden one, so I do not know if it is true, but the theory seems acceptable. One guy I know who rode one said it did work, but his beam kept shifting towards the right and he ended up with some knee problems and sold the frame at a loss. Another friend raced on in tris for many years because of back issues. His was full carbon and heavy as hell. He is a many time Hawaii age group champion.

On other comments:

They are still allowed in amateur triathons, you just rarely see them.

Softride did produce mountain bikes for a while, see here.

5)gttim: If you are who I suspect you are then please stop stalking me and quit squirting GU into my DMT's at T1. If not, then please disregard this note.

WTF? Unless your real name is Salma, I have not been stalking you. And if your name is Salma, I quit when you got pregnant. And that wasn't GU.

judi said...

They are still allowed in amateur triathons, you just rarely see them.>>>

*************

I saw a young girl, maybe 23, in a triathlon on one of those bikes last summer. She borrowed it from someone and had been training on it. She was hustling pretty good on it too! But they sure are ugly.

Anonymous said...

does the softride come with the front wheel? that nimble crosswind definitely worth $200.

Anonymous said...

I agree, the Soft-Rides couldn't be uglier.

I'm curious if the Bike Friday "Air" bikes are just as ineffective. They certainly aren't attractive....

http://www.bikefriday.com/airfriday?styleId=

clayton said...

isn't there a fixed softride to be found somewhere on this blog? perhaps i'm mistaken, but i seem to remember seeing one.

bikesgonewild said...

...tsk, tsk...

Anonymous said...

I'll give a happy ending for $80.

EddyMurks said...

Anyone know where I can get a fixie version of the Softride tandem (http://www.rodcycle.com/toucansrspecs.html)?

redvic said...

worse than that, the bike fitter might even be strange steve ponzio... he of bash downhill gt (and countless since) fame... when will he get his own post anyway, BS?

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed the deconstruction of the poor limp wrist trying to sell his NJS Track bike. Everyone seems to hate you damn hipsters and your ass cloun efforts at being different from your parents from NJ and Fla., You even hate each other!

Anonymous said...

Snob, the clown cynic...get a life and learn to spell.

Anonymous said...

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Midnight Mike said...

Obviously the guys ridiculing Softrides have never ridden one for any distance. They are one of the most comfortable bikes to ride. I do centuries regularly on mine. Yeah, when you first get on there is the "bouncing", but it goes away with very little practice. Ask any triathlete who has ridden one whats its like to run after the bike leg compared to a diamond frame, and I'm sure they'll tell you it lots easier.

Midnite Mike
Astoria, Oregon.

All truth goes through 3 stages - 1st it's ridiculed. Then it's violently opposed. Finally it's accepted as self-evident.

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