Friday, October 19, 2007

BSNYC Product Review: The Gilded Cage

My revelation yesterday has prompted a number of people to say I’ve sold out. In fact, one commenter went so far as to say I will soon go on to “a full time job reviewing carbon bottle cages.” And that really made me angry. Why? Because that person clearly has never used a nice, high-quality carbon fiber bottle cage.



A surprising number of people pay little attention to their choice of bottle cage. But the fact is, most cages are too loose or too tight. For example, how often have you ridden over a rough patch of pavement, only to have your bottles eject themselves from your cages like pilots from a crashing fighter jet? And who hasn’t reached for a bottle only to have to pull and twist to free it, like trying to wrest a rawhide bone from a Rottweiler’s jaws? I know I’ve crashed innumerable times because I came into a turn at speed while pulling at the bottle on my seat tube with both hands.

Enter the Elite Custom Carbon bottle cage. At only $124.99, this cage is engineered with astounding precision, and boasts the kind of manufacturing tolerances that make a Swiss watch seem like a Play-Doh sundial sculpted by a two year-old with his feet. I was lucky enough to test this supermax of cages. So if beverage retention is as important to you as it is to me, you’ll want to keep reading.

Competitivecyclist.com says of this cage that “Elite puts equal priority on style and bottle security, and you get both in spades here. In a marketplace of Taiwanese knock-offs, the Custom Carbon is the only cage we know of that visually stands apart.” All of this was immediately apparent to me upon receiving the cage, as aesthetically it is simply stunning. The clear coat is so shiny that it looks wet, and it took a thorough examination with my tongue to confirm that the cage was indeed dry. And underneath it was the nicest weave I’ve seen since I got a close look at Johan Museeuw’s head. This is not just a bottle cage, I thought to myself. This is an engineering masterpiece.

Of course, like most carbon fiber products these days, the Elite Custom Carbon has very specific torque specs and must be installed with care. I recommend that you leave installation to a professional, which is what I did, since the recommended bolt torque of .0000297 newton-meters is roughly equivalent to a fly alighting on a pudding skin and is not attainable without laser-calibrated instruments. (I took mine to a neurosurgeon at Columbia Presbyterian.) Because I wanted to compare the Elite to my current metal bottle cage (and because the doctor charged me $17,000 for his labor), I installed only one on the downtube and left my old cage on the seattube. As beautiful as the Elite was, I couldn’t help but be skeptical as to whether it was really worth the money, so I figured a good old-fashioned bottle cage duel was the only way to know for sure.

Well, any doubts I had about the Elite were allayed as soon as I slid my bottle out for the first time. If you’ve ever removed a sterling silver Tiffany letter opener from a velvet pouch, withdrawn a handmade sword from its jeweled scabbard, or taken a bottle of Chateaux Margaux from its rack in a musty wine cellar in Provence, you can begin to appreciate what it’s like to pull a plastic bidon from an Elite Custom Carbon cage and take a swig of cleverly-marketed sugar water. And putting the bottle back in was no less sublime. It’s probably not necessary for me to make any obvious comparisons to putting something hard in something soft, but let’s just say that with the Elite it was impossible not to think about it, and as I rode my carbon fiber frame was not the only thing that was stiff yet compliant.

Well, after just one drink I was sold. Nonetheless, in the interest of objectivity I took a drink from my old cage on the seattube. Before the Elite I had never noticed how poorly my old cage functioned, but now grabbing that bottle felt like uprooting a carrot, and putting it back felt like trying to force-feed medication to a housecat. So if you think a bottle cage is just a bottle cage, think again.

The Bottom Line:

Buy it if: You want to feel like King Arthur pulling Excalibur from the rock.
Don’t buy it if: You want to feel like all those other losers tugging vainly on the handle.

134 comments:

J.Bro said...

I'm not buying this unless I can get a silver limited-edition.

pete said...

Best use of a beautiful carbon cage:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/peteryandotcom/1415246849/

Cody said...

fuckin love it

also, third.

meep said...

4th...? !
So, for nouveau hippies / Al Gore, do you suggest the aerodynamic hemp fiber cage?

Ronsonic said...

Brilliant. You indeed have the writing skills sought by major cycling magazines and websites.

Ringo said...

haha ..

"It’s probably not necessary for me to make any obvious comparisons to putting something hard in something soft, but let’s just say that with the Elite it was impossible not to think about it, and as I rode my carbon fiber frame was not the only thing that was stiff yet compliant."

Anonymous said...

Did your sugar water taste like Château La Mission Haut-Brion? Wouldn't you also need a carbon bottle, maybe for an additional $250? I know my riding enjoyment increased when I switched to those carbon spacers, can't believe there's still peasants out there using aluminum spacers on their commute bikes. Poverty must suck!

Anonymous said...

Funny as hell.

And pete, no one cares that you posted third. Go lie down before you hurt yourself.

Ralphy said...

Elite really needs to move into some more categories; obviously its R&D team is more than capable. I suggest:

- Valve Caps. Unscrewing mine is a Sisyphean task, surely there is an easier, more elegant way. Not to mention, those suckers are heavy.

Ok, that's all I can think of for now. But having solved the water bottle cage problem, surely there is no greater obstacle that demands Elite's attention.

Anonymous said...

...I meant Cody.

Pete is effin' funny.

Anonymous said...

"The clear coat is so shiny that it looks wet, and it took a thorough examination with my tongue to confirm that the cage was indeed dry"

Brilliant!

Sounds like something Elaine from Seinfeld would have written in that catalogue she worked for.

nolucker said...

You made me pee in my lycra!

gewilli said...

i wanna see a comparison between the queasy i mean Cuissi or however that is spelled and this one...

Now...

i might start reading Bicycling again if the started publishing reviews like this...

till then i'll have to suffice to mag rack browsing in brief stints... it messes up my blood pressure if i try to read it...

maybe you can convince them to publish a picture of BJ's blood sack, along with this awesome review...

Wunderkind said...

hehe. ralphy still has valve caps on his bike.

also, i feel bad about this, because I have dual carbon cages on my carbon bike, and I was the motivator of this post. Does it cover my sins if I tell you that the bike was gifted to me in a sponsor/athlete arrangement (though I paid retail for the cages)?

Joe said...

BSNYC,

And I thought Grant Petersen was nuts to charge $36 for a Nitto Hourglass Water Bottle. Thankfully Rivendell is the only shop I know that lets you mail order two #2 pencils - non-standard sharpening size, of course - for $1.00.

By the way, how long before yesterday's post did you know about your upcoming spot in Bicycling?

Keep blogging,

Joe

sh said...

Spoofing the comments section...excellent!

Anonymous said...

Hey those elites are nice but I think you should really do a review of the Campy water bottles and cages. Shop I hang out in, a customer is purchasing those for his road bike. I think they are the lightest most retarded thing I have ever seen.

Steve said...

The job is yours.

Can you be here Monday at 10 for the staff meeting?

(Those $36 Nitto cages rock, btw. If any cage is worth silly money it's that one)

Joe said...

"and as I rode my carbon fiber frame was not the only thing that was stiff yet compliant."

Its much funnier with "it" - small point.

-Joe

BikeSnobNYC said...

Joe,

I didn't want it to be too funny. Have you ever heard of "tuning the ride?"

--BSNYC

chicoastro said...

BSNYC vs. Bicycling

We all have to pay rent. Doing so while remaining irreverent to the industry... THAT would be brilliant!

I'm betting on you, Bike Snob.

Anonymous said...

what is going on????????

Allen said...

i love you

The D. said...

I have *gasp* faux carbon cages! Of course, they were only 14 bucks. What does that say about me?

Anonymous said...

Congratulations, you got a free carbon water bottle cage in exchange for your wankery. You are now an official part of the bike industry.

BikeSnobAustin said...

The sarcasm is so subtle, that I thought perhaps you were seriously going to pay $124 for a bottle cage. I haven't read all the comments, but I sure hope this IS a joke article!

Jim said...

Say what you like about the full carbon cages, but the God's-honest truth is Grapfruit-flavored Mad Dog tastes like Chateaux Margeaux pulled from a dusty wine rack in France by Robert Parker's own WineSnobParisCity hands, when you decant it from one of these cages. And Thunderbird tastes like Dom Perignon when you go riding on pave carrying it in one of these, right down to the fizziness. Rumor has it Jesus himself didn't actually turn the water into wine at the wedding at Cana - he just put the water into some Campy bottles, put the bottles in these holders, and then did a few threshold intervals -- and *nobody* could tell the difference.

Oh, and that shop is named Competitive Cyclist? What kind of competition is it? To see how much they can charge conspicuous consumers for lovely, full retail price +10% esoteric bike products? Because if that's what the competition is about, they (and their customers) are winning...

Anonymous said...

$124.99? Haha, you loser! I got mine on ebay for $89 plus $35.99S&H!

botchedexperiment said...

I think you've found your calling in life: writing mock product reviews. Too bad those bastards at randomreviewer.com went tits up. You could have made millions, er something.

bother yam said...

So, do you think that Riedel will put out a line of carbon fiber glasses to match that lovely cage.

Strayhorn said...

I now feel that my Campy carbon cages are cheap and ugly.

I'm going to go ride in Friday 5 p.m. traffic . . .

mhandsco said...

You, good sir, routinely make my afternoon. Bravo!

Todd Colby said...

"a fly alighting on pudding skin"

right on!

Martijn said...

Pretty f%#@^@ brilliant!

Thanks, you made my day.

leroy said...

Do they make a BSNYC limited edition?

Or should we just fit a scaled down Seal of Disapproval on the front of the cage?

Hannah said...

My Nitto cage not only rocked, it broke when I put a frozen water bottle in it. Next time I'll know to spend more.

Monts said...

That clear coat makes me wet.
And I just hate it when tugging on my handle is in vain.

BTW, Water Buffalo Jim, you need your own blog. You're clearly suffering from frustrated-writer-in-a-lawyer-suit syndrome. BSDC?

Allen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
seventythree said...

add it up allen

anonymous was just making a joke.
he/she spent the same amount 124.99.

no carbon fiber holder for me.
8 bucks for a whiteDura-Cage
was expensive enough for me.

Anonymous said...

sarcasmeters gone crazy!

Nick M said...

First I would like to point out that I am from France, I hope that doesn't disqualify me from commenting. If it does, I shall have no choice but to decalre war on New York cyclists which is no big deal. OK, down to the real stuff: I think that your comparison of withdrawing and pushing a bottle into a carbon holder was quite disgusting and un-American, because we in France over here all know that you in New York are very politically correct and you get life in jail for harassment for just mentionning stiff and compliant things sliding in and/or out.

My main issue is I am firmly against carbon and plastic, I use old style aluminium bottles in rusted steel holders. This gear gives you a great competitive advantage in any race or issue with other road users, deliberate or inadvertant: a direct head shot with a rust smeared alloy bottle gives you obvious short term advantage, and, should the opposition not be up to date with the tetanos shots, a potential long term victory.

Nick M said...

First I would like to point out that I am from France, I hope that doesn't disqualify me from commenting. If it does, I shall have no choice but to decalre war on New York cyclists which is no big deal. OK, down to the real stuff: I think that your comparison of withdrawing and pushing a bottle into a carbon holder was quite disgusting and un-American, because we in France over here all know that you in New York are very politically correct and you get life in jail for harassment for just mentionning stiff and compliant things sliding in and/or out.

My main issue is I am firmly against carbon and plastic, I use old style aluminium bottles in rusted steel holders. This gear gives you a great competitive advantage in any race or issue with other road users, deliberate or inadvertant: a direct head shot with a rust smeared alloy bottle gives you obvious short term advantage, and, should the opposition not be up to date with the tetanos shots, a potential long term victory.

Bobby said...

hmmm...bikesnobaustin...?

Clearly related - exact same sense of humor...

Unless you were being sarcastic about thinking he was serious but realizing it was a joke...In that case, your sarcasm outdoes BSNYC's humor. Good on you!

Donga said...

That was a spoof? Gold! Send it in to the mags and lay bets on who publishes it.

leroy said...

Dear Nick M. --

Thank you for posting the racing tip concerning the head shot with the aluminium bottles.

Your post was very helpful. This blog is where I go to get the information that doesn't get published in Bicycling magazine.

But how do you actually catch up to those riders with the light weight bottles to use your technique?

And suppose they get angry with you?

I'm not suggesting that I would get angry with you.

So please, please do not let France declare war on New York cyclists.

We can't afford to feed you all after you surrender.

Chazu said...

This cage is obviously a cheap knock-off of the prototype ShelBroCo bottle cage that I'm running on two of my rigs.

I'd tell you more, but then I'd have to kill you. Death by French military prowess. (And that would hurt.)

mr.complaint said...

Didn't "King" Arthur receive an assist from Merlin to extract the Excalibur from said bottle holder?

Perhaps a King cage of steel or titanium would be more supple.

everett said...

Bravo.

Ringo said...

If it weren't for the French there would be no United States of America.

Allen said...

seventythree,

i'm an idiot... quick to defend bikesnob because he gets ragged on on other forums.

man i feel dumb.

mander said...

LOLLLLLL

Jim said...

Monts, I gots one, right heah.

Nick, you'd better patent that idea about banged up aluminum bottles in rusty steel holders before Grant Peterson gets wind of it. Otherwise, he'll sell an absolute shit-ton of them before you've even had a chance to get your hands up in the air.

PETER G said...

A classic, suitable for framing!!

Hoss said...

Damn!!! I just blew last weeks paycheck on a new Campagnolo corkscrew. I thought $179 was a friggin' bargain for this must have item.

http://thebikerack.com/itemdetails.cfm?catalogId=39&id=863

Anonymous said...

o.. my... god. i love you.

"It’s probably not necessary for me to make any obvious comparisons to putting something hard in something soft, but let’s just say that with the Elite it was impossible not to think about it, and as I rode my carbon fiber frame was not the only thing that was stiff yet compliant."

Philip Williamson said...

Wasn't Napoleon French? No bicycle, though.
Didn't Charles Martel invent heavy cavalry? Bicycle-ish, perhaps the genesis of the cycling style practiced by M. M.

How does rust give you tetanus, anyway?

Nick M said...

For Philip Williamson who asked, and I quote "How does rust give you tetanus, anyway?" the answer is: poor aim and the use of cow milking grease to obtain the effortless removal brilliantly described by the owner of this blog, to whom I apologize for blog-squatting.

Anonymous said...

Napoleon was born on the island of Corsica. At the time, I suppose it could have technically been considered "France".

George W. Bush is a "Texan" too, correct?

Anonymous said...

Ah, yes. Heavy Calvary. We never would have won the Cold War without it.

Early French and Italian bike racers smoked tobacco to "open" their lungs and make them more efficient.

What would the future hold if all those early breakthroughs never occured?

hamad said...

one hundred and twenty-five bucks?? are you nuts? for a cage? listen i agree with what you said at the start, about paying attention to your water bottle cage...however that's a little much. i just pick up a stainless steel cage from salsa, and it does the job just great. and at only thirty bones.

Anonymous said...

Who are these people who cannot see the humor and/or satire in the blog postings and/or the comments?

Its downright scary.

leroy said...

Scary indeed.

My cage has a specially tuned radio transmitter that sends a signal so you always know where your water bottle is and how much water/Accelerade/Belgian wheat beer is in it. It even works if you combine the Accelerade and wheat beer.

And it costs $5.00 less than the carbon cage BSNYC tested.

Honestly, if you're going to spend the money, it's downright scary not to insist on value.

Anonymous said...

I am writing you from Germany where we are great admirers of technology. It seems to me you are missing the point with this bottle, however woderful it may seem: the future lies in fully-inclusive water supply-integration: basically, our research has shown that a carbon frame is a giant water bottle, so we aim to market soon a filler cap to pour sugary liquid into the downtube, and a ceramic bearing mounted aero wind-tunnel tested octogonally differencitated plane nanofiber straw that you suck liquid from the frame with. I think you should test this. Greetings from Heinrich.

Steve said...

And I'll bet you can do all this, Heinrich, and still keep the weight of the frame under 900 grams, right?

What is the German obsession with lightweight bike parts, anyhow? Not that there's anything wrong with that...

2wheelsgood said...

Nice. Spot-on analogies, especially about the fighter pilot bailing out... Thats exactly what crosses my mind every time my beverage holder loses its Perrier bottle.

Coincidentally today I did actually buy a tubular stainless steel cage @48 g. but more like $8.50 US (not them french dollers). Buying some other stuff on sale, ended up getting me a free Bicycling mag subscription along with a new "team" discount card for the next year. I'll be looking for your guest feature there if I get the Dec issue in time!

God I love consumerism. Those Campy corkscrews have been on the market for 25 years now and still I don't have one. How could I have survived without it so long, it could have been mine for a mere $6 per year.

the_boy_who_loves_pasta said...

You've got to get your campy wine-bottle holder quick. The wine industry is all mad about "environmentally friendly" plastic cork substitutes and screw on lids. in order to get full value of the campag's finest creation I advise you sell all your bikes and invest in 'traditonal' reds with nice cork stoppers gauranteed to fall apart and spoil the wine just before it reaches full maturity.

And those stupid plastic Cat-eye cages are still the best ever made.

a picture said...

a thousand words...

http://thebikerack.com/itemdetails.
cfm?catalogId=39&id=863

a picture said...

a thousand words in some unknown language...

sorry about that last link, I messed up. I meant to put this:

http://www.blackbirdsf.org/cx/

bikesgonewild said...

...'a picture said'...zut alors, ami, now THAT is an awesome link, merci beau-frickin'-coup...

mindtron said...

I didn't know you were going to be on the cover of Bicycling bike snob?

bikesgonewild said...

...i read somewhere that bsnyc is gonna be the new editor of 'bicycling' magazine...good idea...

The Great White Hype said...

I thought my cages were carbon...till the carbon-pattern sticker began peeling off.

Before, I was King Arthur, now I feel like Arthur Dent trying to pull Excalibur from the stone. Its all too hard, someone send me $250USD so I can buy these...

Jake Stacey said...

Ringo said...
If it weren't for the French there would be no United States of America.

October 19, 2007 6:43 PM


Another thing to hold against them...

Anonymous said...

Another blogger laughs his way to the bank by accepting money to hawk products. This will be the post that lost you your cred, Bike Snob. Time to take your money and run!

Anonymous said...

Yes- run, RUN to the bank with the millions that elite piled on you for your stellar review.

I can't wait for the Buyers guide bsnyc in february....

Jim said...

>>>we aim to market soon a filler cap to pour sugary liquid into the downtube,

Hah, I already have one of them. It's called "My Mouth." What you do is you take me out on a 40k time trial on a hot day. About halfway I try to take a drink. Since I'm having heart palpitations and deep in the throes of lactosis, the Accellerade misses my mouth, and shoots mostly right into the headset, down the seatpost, and all over the bottom bracket. Then the next time I'm out TT'ing - say in 2009 - all I have to do is reach down and lick the frame to have a nice refreshing drink. No, there's no problem with it drying on. It does dry after the initial TT, but fresh sweat rehydrates the Accellerade, and actually enhances its salt, potassium and loogie content.

Anonymous said...

Great White: Heh, love it! Well done. Don't know how many times I've seen people with carbon accessories just to notice the bubbles in their decals.

Said as passing a ricer: "Hey, your carbon fiber hood is peeling off!"

Nick M said...

I used to work in the fishing tackle trade over here, was at it when the carbon poles came along. Kept getting customer complaints about sudden inexplicable breakages. Snap in half. Took the engineeers from Ryobi and the actual fiber maker a year to work out that an inadvertant and unnoticed knock from a stone, anything, and one microfiber would snap. Then the one next to it would go from excessive strain. And exponentially on until "snap". Yes folks, fibers are laid longitudinally for the stiff yet compliant feel. Quite litteraly, getting soft and compliant on your bike could break a fibre, 30 seconds enjoyment and a month later, severe concussion and 5000 bucks down the drain. Naw, serious, the great advantage of carbon is you don't have to weld it, just use superglue to repair. If you have a crushed tube, all you need is a cut down to size wine cork inserted into the tube under the split/crush, then you're as good as new with a little sticky tape and varnish over the outside. Looks real cool too. Plus you feel superior 'coz only YOU know you'riding a 1963 Château Laffite cork and all them loosers are probably on cheap Californian white plastic plugs. Yuk.

Vicky said...

79th! GET IN THERE!

The Great White Hype said...

Anon 9:09:

Of course, the advantage with fake carbon fibre cages (would that be fauxbre?? fauxber for you american types) is that they dont fail. Unlike real bonded CF on certain things.
http://thegwh.blogspot.com/2007/10/bad-luck-coming-in-threesthe-cycling.html

Anonymous said...

This is ridiculous. This review would have been hilarious had it been meant as a joke, but I was shocked by it's earnestness. Seriously. What's next, the Bike Snob carbon fiber bar tape review?

bryan said...

Carbon fiber bottle cages? I spit on you. Duct tape has a similarly beautiful weave and is way more secure. Who are these idiots?

bikesnobchi said...

Don't let any of these posts get you down, bikesnobnyc. Eventually we hope to hear that you have sold your fortunes off to several hipster venture capitalists and name-branded your own line of fixed-gear bicycles that include beautiful, carbon cages. Only then will you help hipsters fully realize the convenience of having an easy-to-use holster for their PBR on their one-mile ride from the local, over-priced Williamsburg "dive" bar, home.

Bikesnobchi also looks forward to the day you can have a regular column in Bicycling Magazine, and cross-published in Men's Health Magazine, discussing the finer points of the small, all-too-overlooked, details of bicycle fashion.

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