Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Worst of NYC Craigslist Bike Ads #19

There are few qualities less attractive than desperation. This is especially true when it comes to Craigslist ads and bicycles. An ad that might not have bothered you so much the first time becomes increasingly objectionable with every same-day re-post and $20 price drop. This is one such ad. It seems like every time I visit Craigslist it's up there in some new iteration, and it's becoming like sitting next to some pervert on the subway who keeps putting his hand in your lap.

Fetish track/FIXED GEAR bike...less than 100 miles! 50cm - $850 (Inwood / Wash Hts)




Reply to: [deleted]

Date: 2007-09-03, 10:38AM EDT

Fetish Cycles Position track bike. $850/obo (extra goodies included at $850...see below) This is a custom build, and has been ridden for less than 100 miles. Bike weighs about 16 lbs!! Light and very fast. I am a bike mechanic and take very good care of my bikes. I am willing to provide service to the buyer.

OK, admittedly I'm a little uptight, but when I see "fetish," "position," and "I am willing to provide service to the buyer" in the same paragraph, my first instinct is to move on. You sure you didn't mean to put this in "Erotic Services?"

feel free to send me other offers.

In light of the above...eew.

Specs:

-frame: Fetish Cycles Position aluminum track frame, size: 50cm (decals are removable stickers!!)

Oooh, removable! That means I can replace them with stickers from companies like Fortynine Sixteen and Zoo York, as well as hilarious phrases like "My Nuts are Titanium," "One Less Car," and "This Bike Is A Pipe Bomb!" Tell me more!

-fork: carbon bladed fork (beautiful fork! check detail pic of cutout!!)

I would, but the photo looks like it was taken from space. It's more obscured than a pair of breasts on network television. From what I can see, though, I will say I've seen nicer forks on paper placemats.

-headset: Cane Creek IS sealed bearing headset

Okay.
-wheelset: Alex Crostini rims laced to Formula track hubs (these are the wheels that come on the Fuji Track Pro)

Yawn.

-Bontrager Race Lite Hard Case tires, front and rear (great grip and excellent puncture resistance)

Best tire ever.

-crank: FSA Vigorelli crankset w/48t chainring

Ugly and ISIS--my two favorite qualities in a crank.

-WTB Shadow V Progel saddle attached to Bontrager Sport seatpost

Wow, it's already attached. You are a mechanic, aren't you?

-NOTE: bar setup option: ITM Mantis 120mm road stem w/Ritchey Pro road drop bar ---OR--- Ritchey WCS 105mm road stem w/Ritchey Pro aerobase (bullhorn) bar. see pics for different setups.

In other words, you can set this up as a really ugly race bike, or as a really ugly posing bike. Sweet!

NOTE:

If you buy the bike for $850, you will also receive these extra goodies:

-both bar setups listed above (so you can change according to your mood!)

Do you have a bar setup for "irritated?" Because that's what I'm feeling now.

-Xpedo Ti SPD clipless pedals (these pedals retail for over $200!!!) email me for pic.

Yes, please email me a crappy satellite photo of your overpriced Wellgo pedals. The ones in the Nashbar catalog aren't clear enough.

-four (4) track cogs (14, 16, 17, 18), one (1) track lockring, one (1) freewheel lockring (for the flip side of the hub), and one (1) Hogan lockring wrench (cogs and rings shown in pics)

This is one (1) ugly bike. You've posted it about fifty (50) times already and it hasn't sold. Perhaps now is the time (x) to take it to eBay (eBay). By the way, unless the Hulk's making bike tools now, that's a Hozan wrench you're including.

email me with any questions, or for larger pics, or call/text [deleted]. Thanks!

Yes, please send a 5' by 10' print of this one so I can put it in my living room. I have a fetish for ugly bikes and poor photography. And I particularly like this one, because the bike looks like some hideous farm animal, and the cogs look like its droppings:


48 comments:

Scott said...

Wait, is there something about ISIS cranks/BBs of which I'm not aware? I'll grant that that particular FSA crank is stupendously ugly, but what's wrong with ISIS?

TGB said...

Gold, Bikesnob! Comedy gold!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Scott,

A lot of people complain about ISIS. Certainly that could be user error, but even FSA says on their site: "Currently, FSA ISIS-Drive BB bearing life is acceptable, although in the past, many ISIS-Drive BB's suffered from short bearing life. The same oversize axle that is great for strength and stiffness presented engineering and manufacturing challenges to fit bearings with a high enough load capacity inside the BB shell." Lots more tried-and-true (and boringly attractive) track crank/bb combos out there.

--BSNYC

John said...

"But what's wrong with ISIS?"

I'll turn that around and ask, "What was wrong with square-tapered bottom brackets?"

I'm guessing that some hipster told this guy about NJS and then all the sudden his aluminum frame, carbon fork, and ISIS bottom bracket were, like, not so cool. Time to sell the bike!

quaffimodo said...

It must have really hurt to pinch off those cogs.

Ralphie Plub said...

I rather enjoyed this post. Great as usual, but you saved the best for the end. I love any prose that uses the word "droppings." Well done.

Scott said...

BSNYC,

Thanks for the info! I hadn't heard anything about that, but it merits further research. I imagine Octalink had the same problem?

John,

I also thought that square taper bottom brackets were just fine and I use them for most of my bikes (and will continue to do so until they die, which will probably be quite a while). The only reason I'm running anything else, really, is because it was difficult to find a MTB crank with the specs I wanted in anything other than Octalink or ISIS.

Anonymous said...

Freewheel lockring?

b said...

...hey, who ya callin' a pervert ?
...i wasn't tryna put my hand in yer lap, i was just tryna read over yer shoulder, cuz ya had the 'craigslist bike ads' on yer laptop...

...know where i can get a nice fetish fix gear ?...

big jonny said...

Yeah, what the hell is a "Freewheel lockring"???

I guess I need to read up on this shit? Kids today...

Aaron said...

Freewheel lockring was definitely set off the biggest alarm for "crackpot" in my head... everything else just said "I'm annoying as hell".

Jim said...

Nice post. The only thing that could have made the ad better would have been obvious indicia of bike theft. "I'm selling this bike for a friend who left town in a hurry. It has to go today or tomorrow."

dave said...

problems with square taper:

-it's a solid steel spindle, so if you're counting grams it's heavy.

-since it's older tech, there's fewer manufacturers making quality BBs for it. not to say you can't get one, but if for instance you get a complete bike there's probably a cheap one in there.

-it's problematic to grease the spindle, and problematic not to. people who ride fixed hard and don't grease their spindles have a nasty habit of getting crankarms extremely stuck on the bottom brackets, and people who do grease their spindles tend to have problems with the crank loosening up, and pulling on to the spindle too far, which fucks up the chainline.

-if you do end up toasting your bb, you need to pull the cranks to put a new one in. when you remove/reinstall square taper cranks, the spindle hole stretches, which lets the crank pull on too far. this wrecks the chainline, can make the crank/chainring rub on the frame, and can even put cracks in the crank at the spindle hole. new cranks are expensive, and breaking cranks while riding sucks. trust me on that one.

Anonymous said...

"I imagine Octalink had the same problem?"

Not really, but Octalink had it's own set of problems. Octalink uses needle bearings, which have a very low profile and very good load capacity. Perfect for a BB. There are additional small ball bearings that carry the lesser side loads.

mojito de fgg said...

Very funny, bikesnob.

"it's becoming like sitting next to some pervert on the subway who keeps putting his hand in your lap."

But tell us about this pervert...

Larry Craig said...

I use ISIS bbs and cranks on all my bikes. I have to since they're the only ones that can accomodate my wide stance.

Anonymous said...

i suspect this is the same windsor from 8/31

http://velospace.org/node/2831

dan said...

I think the real reason to ride brakeless is so you can quickly change your handlebars depending on your mood

dan said...

I think the real reason to ride brakeless is so you can quickly change your handlebars depending on your mood

Anonymous said...

I think the real reason to ride brakeless is so you can quickly crash your bike

Unregistered Coward said...

Christ you all are a bunch of dumbshits. Ever hipster knows what a freewheel lockring is.

For you non-hipsters, it's often referred to a bottom bracket lockring.

anonymouse said...

not sure if this is correct, but i encountered a freewheel lockring on a mates bmx recently - now they have like 11 or 12 tooth freewheel cogs but the freewheel is somehow built into the cog cos its so small, so you need a lockring on it to hold it all together? hmmmm, then your lack of brakes would be fun (if you didnt have some rad volleys of course...) ;)

Phranque said...

Hmm.. I had no idea ISIS had needle bearings. Makes perfect sense. The splined interface is superior, and the larger spindle is well intentioned (tubes of a slightly larger diameter than a solid round have the same strength, or at least the one measure of strength that matters).

So this is why they made outboard bearings.. now they're making larger BB shells like on the Madone.

And there are lockrings for freewheels.. although they usually call them "cassette lockrings" because they help hold your cassette (for those of you that don't know, it's a cluster of MULTIPLE gears.. cool, huh?) to your freewheel, which is usually called a freehub. But he was wrong anyway. But $850 for that bike, no matter how lame, seems a little low. I thought those cranks themselves were like $300.

Anonymous said...

Uh-huh....Fetish bikes. If this frame isn't cracked already it probably will be, like 95% of the the frames they put out in the last couple of years that have about a 4mo life span and can handle about as much frame torque as a sprinting squirrel puts out.

mindless said...

as the annoying owner of this bike (yes, I'm serious), I thought I should put up some kind of comment. btw, BSNYC, I do think this post is hilarious, even if I'm laughing at myself. I have read your blog for months. Love it.


to clear up the "freewheel lockring" issue: yes, it is a bottom bracket lockring. But, if you're stupid enough, you can put a track cog on the freewheel side of the hub, and sort of lock it on with a bottom bracket lockring. As a disclaimer, I never actually did it myself, I just had the parts. The reason it's stupid is because both the cog and the lockring thread the same direction. With a normal track lockring is threads the opposite way.

regarding the reason I'm selling the bike: I just moved into the city from Syracuse, where riding without brakes is a bit easier/safer, since I was on a college campus, and there weren't many cars around. But, I think you'd have to be insane to ride brakeless in NYC.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Mindless,

Thanks for coming on and posting! (And for clearing up the lockring controversy.)

Welcome to the city, we're glad to have you. That said, could you please stop posting this now?

By the way, that's a raceable bike. If it's not selling hang onto it and take it to Kissena next season.

Thanks again for the comment--always good to hear from owners. Thanks for being cool.

With respect,

BSNYC

mindless said...

I would keep it and race it, but my girlfriend is making me sell a couple of my bikes because I have "too many", as if that's possible. granted, we did have a house upstate, and my bike room was half the size of my apartment here, but still! It hurts.

Steve said...

perhaps mindless should get some sort of award for stepping up to the plate of ownership and not whining about being the butt of this week's post?

i have a bunch of cassette cogs i could weld into some sort of whitetrash beltbuckle and maybe big jonny could create a special - i dunno - livewrong hipster belt or something?

just a thought...

mindless said...

just so everyone knows, I don't subscribe to the hipster crowd. Nor do I subscribe to the yuppy "tri" crowd, who've never raced in a triathlon, but still like to ride their completely impractical bikes around NYC. I subscribe to the tight lycra, helmet-wearing, skinny-saddle, fake racer crowd (w/o aerobars). But, I don't wear team kits from teams that aren't my own.

bikesgonewild said...

...i've gotta 197? 'bilgewater keelhaul' fix gear bike for sale...it had gears but i fixed that pdq as i'm not a very good mechanic...
...both wheels go backwards & forwards (!) but i find it easier to go forward cuz you can't live in the past...ha ! cycling is deep, man...
...the crank thingy is an old one- piece cuz more stuff means more stuff ta go wrong...that & i find deep philosophical meaning in 'freeing' parts n thats what i got...
...handlebars are a little short, maybe three inches on each side, cuz when i tried to trim one side to match the other, well, i was going back n forth a few times...
...hey, it's all good...
...saddle was uncomfortable but i taped a little cushion from my aunties house to it...problem nada nomore...
...pedals, nah, no pedals but them axle thingys are still there...
...made me a real cool top tube pad whatever outta some stuff i got off my water heater...hell, talk about saving money...
...jeez, ya know, maybe i'll just keep it & come ride w/ you guys...
...send me yer addresses n i'll see ya soon...hey, i'm cool...

Anonymous said...

cool that the owner posted, but craigslist is an easy target. i think your 15 mins of fame are up. sorry !

bikesgonewild said...

...'mindless' is obviously correct in both facts...it is indeed a bb lock ring & yes, it's a stupid & dangerous practice because they do thread on in the same direction...
...why it escapes people is cuz someone is always willing to believe that 'loc-tite' is gonna make the difference, not realizing the incredible torque generated by the legs...

...pardon my last post...i was kinda bored...

casual entropy said...

why do Formula hubs get a Yawn? they're the perfect intersection of quality and affordability. Well-sealed and smooth. You don't recommend that everybody go out and lace some high flange Phil Woods to Deep Vs colormatched to their bartape and toestraps, do you?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Casual Entropy,

I agree with your assessment of the Formulas. In my world a yawn is as close to a compliment as I get.

--BSNYC

Scott said...

I love daily reposts... who the hell are all these Scotts?

Hunter Shaw said...

Looks like our guy found Velospace

http://velospace.org/node/4913

Note new price reduction. Too funny

Anonymous said...

Mindless-
Bikes will get you through times of no women better than women will get you through times of no bikes. Time to ditch the ****.
Heckler

Larry Craig- There's always axle spacers so you can widen your stance even further to maybe brush feet with some wan hipster doofus(c) at the local curbside cafe.

Anonymous said...

ainsley, GET SOME BAR TAPE please.

Anonymous said...

oh snap, that above comment was supposed to be on the beautiful godzillas post.

anonymity has its advantages.

ainsley said...

i have some now, old photo.

Anonymous said...

"this bike is a pipe bomb" is not a hilarious phrase, its a band from florida.

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