Fixedgeargallery...of free association.

I'm not all bad. While sometimes I like to check in with fixedgeargallery deliberately to annoy myself, other times I just like to flip through it and let my mind roam free. Oftentimes a bicycle will conjure an image in my mind. It's quite soothing, really. I recommend you try some fixedgear free association yourself if you're feeling on edge. Here are some to get you started:

#1

#2

#3

#4

#5

#6

Clash of the Mono-Cog Titans: Fixedgeargallery vs. Velospace

If you own a potential internet showbike, probably the biggest question on your mind (after what color Deep Vs to get) is: "Where should I post my pictures?" Well, the two biggest online runway shows are arguably fixedgeargallery.com and velospace.org. To help you decide where to submit your photos, I have decided to pit the two against each-other. They will compete in six categories, which will determine the overall winner:

The "Why Bother Posting This?" Competition

Between what I've seen online and what I've seen on the streets, the old Peugeot is probably the single most commonly converted bike out there. This one, with the requisite bullhorns and Brooks saddle, has little to distinguish it from the herd. Except perhaps the color-coordinated water bottle.

This bike is ugly enough to have been an extra in "Beetlejuice."

Winner: Velospace

The Naked Handlebar Competition

Naked risers. No grips, no brake levers, no clips on the pedals. A solid entry indeed. (Bonus points for matching the bike to the patio furniture.)

Proudly, the bull elk surveys his territory, his mighty antlers sending a clarion call to the rest of the males: "This pond is mine."

Winner: Velospace

Unrideable Geometry Competition

This contortionist's dream raises many questions. Chief among them is, "Why do people put bullhorns on everything except bikes that actually call for them?" The full poker hand of spoke cards, designer top tube pad, and front Hed tri wheel are all bonuses. This bike in motion is doubtless an MC Escher print come to life--eternally descending, yet remaining level. Heavy.

Unfortunately no bike was able to compete with the Velospace bike. So instead I present this gorilla, the only beast capable of riding it comfortably.

Winner: Velospace

Hellbent for Leather Competition

With its leather bar wrap, matching Brooks saddle and Burberry top tube pad (!), this old chap is an Anglophile's delightfully naughty dream. Despite the spoke card, this bicycle evokes images of fox huts, bowls of bread pudding, tweed hats, and sexless nights with prudish spouses. If this picture were to come to life, an old Rudge would open up that turquoise door and invite it in for tea.

This bike is more of a cowboy's mount. I can see the owner riding it in a Stetson and urging it along by gently swatting its rump with a lariat. Maybe he'd occasionally rope a BMX or something. And with Bicycle Polo an apparent hit, could Bicycle Rodeo be far off? Still, it's not quite as evocative as the Bob Jackson.

Winner: Fixedgeargallery

Best Cheap Tart Competition

This simple Pista with the caked-on blue eyeshadow and patterned cocktail dress looks like a teenager from Flushing who's sneaked out of the house for a night in the city. And just like Mom and Dad can't stop a willful teenager, the rider can't stop this bike. No brake, no straps, no problem.

Is the yellow handlebar tape on backorder?

Winner: Fixedgeargallery

Best Bianchi Pista Concept Competition

The spoke card and ATACs on this bike suggest the owner intended to build a dedicated track bike but chickened out at the last minute. And are the $400 Easton carbon bars better without tape, or was there just not enough money left in the budget?

"My bike is race-ready and attractive--albeit in a tube-of-toothpaste sort of way. How can I make it look more special? I know! I'll put some gold crap on it! Yeah, that's better. Now it looks like a marathon runner wearing a rope chain."

Winner: Velospace

Final Result: Velospace takes it, four to two! Step it up, Fixedgeargallery!

Fixedgeargallery...Keirin Katastrophe

Ah, yes. There's nothing like the attention to detail a proud owner of a new Keirin frame pays to his or her build. Each part is painstakingly hand-picked, and proudly bears that all-important NJS stamp.

This bike is a perfect example. The owner has gone with "as much NJS as possible," making only a few concessions, such as the de rigeur Brooks saddle and the untaped flop-and-chop bars. (Apparently this particular owner insists on posterior comfort but isn't particularly concerned about being able to grip the bars. I mean, to me bars without grips or tape is like having a bathroom with no toilet paper in it. But what do I know? I'm not a Keirin racer like this guy.)

The attention to detail continues with the yellow highlights meant to bring out the frame decals. There is even the whimsical touch of the Livestrong bracelets around the hubs. Isn't that cute?!? Perhaps the owner has some yellow streamers on order too.

Given all this attention to detail, you certainly wouldn't want to spoil the effect by putting on an unsightly brake. (The track-specific fork certainly wouldn't accommodate one anyway, right?) But that's OK. I mean, you can stop as quickly as you need to with your legs. And chains never break, nor do hub threads ever strip.

But you know what does happen? Sometimes you get so carried away hand-picking NJS vanity components that you forget to install all the chainring bolts!

Should be fun in a panic stop. That's when "NJS" stands for "Nice job. Sayonara."

Another well thought-out build. Keep looking--you'll find a fifth NJS chainring bolt somewhere.

Worst of NYC Craigslist Bike Ads #7 and #8

There is a fixed-gear conversion chop-shop of sorts somewhere in the trendy part of Brooklyn that has been posting regularly on Craigslist for at least a year or two now. The following two ads are typical of their postings. It's kind of a meth lab for bicycles in that it operates from someone's apartment and its product is extremely dangerous. The first post is to hook the new users, and the second targets the addict--watch how he changes his tone and approach from one to the other. Both posts are insidious and infuriating. Consider the implications on your Independence Day ride tomorrow:

Once You Ride Track You Never Go Back! Fixed Gears and Single Speeds - $100
[original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/bik/363527325.html]
Reply to: see below
Date: 2007-06-30, 2:18AM EDT

What does this mean? I'm scared! Does this mean I will ride around and around a velodrome until I die? I mean, I love to ride, but that literally sounds like hell.

Once You Ride Track You Never Go Back! Fixed Gears and Single Speeds If you want to ride track, or just want learn more about it, we can help you find the right bike. CALL [deleted] after 5pm and call back if i dont answer!

Oh, I see. Riding "track" means riding a fixed gear bicycle. Got it. I have a friend with one of those. Sounds pretty cool. I think I'll read further.

We have several fixed gear and track bikes ready to go- 2 peugeots, 2 Fujis, a Schwinn, a Bianchi, a Univega, and a Panasonic. We can answer any questions you have, and we have a good selection of fixed gear and single speed bikes starting at $100. Every bike we sell comes with a six month warantee, and we are always happy to explain how to care for and maintain your fixie. Both converted rear hubs and track wheels are available for any bike, as well as flip flop wheels, with freehweel on one side and fixed on the other, for those who like variety. See below for more wheel info.

Why do I feel like I'm about to buy a black market parrot or something?

Every bike we sell will have: -a straight chainline -a secure cog and lockring -a rear wheel centered in dropouts -a front brake for added safety -new cables and housing -new bearings in the headset and bottom bracket

Sounds OK so far. I love added safety! Mom and Dad will definitely wire me the money to buy a safe bike like this.

For those who are wondering, here is a rundown of our procedure for converting rear wheels: A fixed gear is distinguished by direct drive; the pedals and the rear wheel are connected directly by the drivechain, so the if you pedal backward you go back, and if you stop pedalling you stop, unlike with a freewheel bike. On both converted road wheels and track wheels, the cog and lockring screw onto threading on the hub, but only a track wheel has reverse threading for the lockring. This way, when you pedal forward, you tighten the cog, and when you pedal back, you tighten the lockring. On a conversion, the cog and lockring both thread on the same way, so that whan you pedal backward, the chain torques them both loose. For this reason, for our conversions, we weld the cog and lockring onto the hub, so that when you stop, your cog wont pop off! In our experience, the welded conversion is just as safe as a track hub; neither one has ever broken that we know of. However, if you plan on riding without a front brake, we recommend using a track wheel just to be sure. The rest of the conversion involves adjusting the axle and spacers and re-dishing the wheel. We put longer spokes on the drive side of the wheel and shorter spokes on the other one; this ensures that the cog and the lockring are in a straight line and that the rim is centered in the dropouts. Both these things are critical for a functional fixed gear: if the chainline isnt straight, the chain will derail and the chainring will get bent, and if the rim isn't centered correctly, the balance and the steering of the bike will be off....So make sure any fixed gear you buy is set up right- don't be afraid to ask questions!

Well, I'm convinced. Welding a cog to a hub sounds like a perfectly reasonable thing to do. I doubt I'll ever want to change my gearing anyway. And I'm comforted by the fact that he says not one has ever broken "that we know of." Why, the only way they wouldn't know if one had broken would be if the rider had died, and I certainly doubt that's the case. In fact, I think I'll cut-and-paste this entire paragraph and email it to Mom and Dad so they'll feel better about wiring me that money.

We are between workshops right now, so we're temporarily working out of my apartment in williamsburg- please contact us to set up a time to come by. If you tell us your height, your price range, and any other preferences you have, we'll let you know what bikes we have that might work for you. Please call [deleted] for more info- leave a message with your number if i dont answer and i will get back to you asap.

Hmm, surprising that they're between workshops. I'd think an operation as professional and conscientious as this would already have a chain of legitimate retail outlets all over Brooklyn. Oh well--I guess I'll just keep trying until he answers. He probably can't hear me over his welder.

50cm Bianchi Track Bike (fixed gear, NO BRAKES) for sale - $600
[original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/bik/365387986.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2007-07-02, 9:28PM EDT This vintage early 1980's Bianchi Pista is a beautiful classic track bike in pristine condition. For the CL police who will no doubt post some smug comment about new Pistas selling for the same price, let me point out that I have just had the frame professionally powder coated, and I have also customized it with new upgrades of just about all the components. Even without the custom rebuild, the older Pista frames are vastly superior to the flashy new models, and unlike the Pistas currently on the market (which most racers would be too embarrassed to bring to a velodrome), they were actually made for RIDING ON THE TRACK. This bike is not drilled for brakes, and it has authentic track geometry. The new finish is a metallic sky blue color, and I have rebuilt it with all black components including:

Hold on there, Skippy. Last time I was at the velodrome I saw some of the fastest riders in NYC riding recent-vintage Pistas, and they didn't look too embarrassed. In fact, the only rider who would be "embarrassed" to ride a reasonably-priced and versatile bicycle is the kind of rider who would be afraid to enter a race in the first place. If you ever raced, you'd know that most real racers don't have a vanity bike for each and every discipline, and are more concerned with actually riding. Also, maybe you've been blinded by welding flash, but if you check the Bianchi site you'll find that the current Pistas do have true track geometry. Yes, they're handicapped by those pesky brake holes, but you can easily weld those shut.

Chris King sealed bearing headset Salsa stem straight aluminum bars with matching blue grips (or Nitto drops or bullhorns if you prefer) Dura Ace aerodynamic seatpost Koski Engineering leather saddle Campagnolo record track bottom bracket Truvativ track crankset and chainring Campy Record track pedals w/ new clips and straps Maillard high flange track wheels with Swift S11 deep dish Sunrims and butted spokes Dura Ace cog and lockring I am asking $600 for the complete bike, including 6mo. warrantee. This is a really cool looking bike, all blue and black, and it rides beautifully- very smooth and quiet. Sorry, I dont have any pics. If you would like to come see the bike please give me a call at [deleted], preferably after 5pm, and day this week. You can also email me, but I dont check my email very often so phone is best.

Good for you. Sounds like a hot setup. I love mix-matched ISO and JIS tapers. And I'm sure your warranty counts for a lot. Go back to welding lockrings onto Panasonics and leave bicycle retail to the shops that have some knowledge and accountability.

The Perfect Storm of Things That Piss Me Off

Stevil Kinevil of howtoavoidthebummerlife.com kindly sent me this sublimely infuriating video. Perhaps you've seen this before (looks like it's been around awhile) but I hadn't.

San Francisco. Brakeless. Chrome freewheel Pista. Top- and downtube pads. Twisted spoke lacings. And he's a DJ.

If I were to make a film satirizing the urban cycling scene this would be it.

He is the physical manifestation of my vitriol. He is my White Whale.

Fixedgeargallery...of terror.

I think fixedgeargallery.com is great. People enjoy browsing it (me included), and it inspires people to learn to build bikes and post their own creations, of which they are often quite touchingly proud.

That said, here's a batch that pissed me off:

(URL: http://www.fixedgeargallery.com/2007/june/2/TyrelMears.htm)

For the most part, this is a perfectly nice road-going fixie, which is why the problems with it are so glaring. The forward-angled tri post is offensive--there is plenty of seat rail to run a straight post and maintain the same saddle position. Also, I'd give the bullhorns a pass if it wasn't for the awful brake lever placement. Take a look at a TT bike and position the lever properly.

(URL: http://www.fixedgeargallery.com/2007/june/2/sma_uci.htm)

There is no god that would allow this to happen, and therefore I conclude that there is no God.

(URL: http://www.fixedgeargallery.com/2007/june/2/AndrewMahon.htm)

As much as I detest top-tube pads, here's a bike that actually needs one. How else to protect the rider's genitals from their inevitable slide down this drastically-angled saddle? This bicycle is not straddled by the crotch of a human. A centaur rider, perhaps?

(URL: http://www.fixedgeargallery.com/2007/june/2/Ask77@Libero.It.htm)

In a previous post, I speculated that the BMX might be a logical successor to the track bike's Mantel of Trendiness, to which an insightful commenter replied, "Vintage bmx is the new white pleather rocker belt." As if to prove the sagacity of this comes this gag-inducing entry. Maybe there is a God, because this is in Italy, where I will hopefully never, ever see it.

Worst of NYC Craigslist Bike Ads, #3

Good news for those of you in the New York City metropolitan area. If you're looking to get a textbook-perfect fixie poser machine in time for the weekend, here it is. And it can be yours for a mere $500. You won't have to get your hands dirty (or pay your local shop to get their hands dirty) changing a thing--this is as if the collective aesthetic sensibility of the Lower East Side, Williamsburg, Bushwick and Greenpoint coalesced into tangible form and posted itself on Craigslist. Sadly it is not NJS (or even a track frame), but my guess is that the owner is selling to finance a purchase that meets both the aforementioned criteria:

Custom Fixed gear peugeot 56cm Deep V's - $500 (original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/bik/357343822.html)

Reply to: [deleted]: 2007-06-21, 6:32PM EDT

I'm selling my custom peugeot fixed gear 56cm. It was sandblasted and profesionally powder coated.

I look at fixedgeargallery.com like any bike obsessive, and I am constantly surprised at how many people spend good money powdercoating beater frames. Why gild the mediocre lily, only to lock said lily unprotected to a city bike rack? (And why is the bike locked up in the for-sale photo? Did the guy lose the key? If you agree to buy it, does he then pocket the money and say, "Well, here's the catch...")

The frame is purple and the cranks, fork and gooseneck are black.

Gooseneck? I see no goose in this picture. By process of elimination, though, the only other black thing on this bike besides the cranks and fork is the stem, so I assume that is what you mean. By the way, you did take excellent pictures, so the colors (revolting as they may be) don't require mentioning.

Brand new bottom bracket, purple chain, MKS pedals, brand new head set, vintage deadstock Turbo saddle, Lime green Velocity deep V's, brand new tires, Flip flop hub, I have a Nitto drop handle bar and a BMX small handle bar, I will include both.

In the words of Rodney Dangerfield in Back to School, "Oh, you left out a bunch of stuff." Like what kind of cog, what's the gearing, what's the crank length, what kind of cranks are they, and so forth. But let's look at what he did mention:

Colored chains, colored chains, colored chains. If God or an equivalent deity granted me the power to ban one thing from bikes forever, I would have to do some pretty deep soul-searching to decide between colored chains and top tube pads. And you know what? I think colored chains just might win. It's also obvious to me that people who use these chains don't lubricate them, for fear of dulling their vibrant hues. I've been noticing a lot otherwise spotless fixies with drivechains that chirp like an aviary. When these guys roll up on you it's like being attacked by a flock of crows--it's getting downright Hitchcockian out there.

I needn't mention the powdercoated Velocitys at this point, unsullied by brake pads of course. What kind of hubs? He doesn't say, but does it really matter? They're lime green!

I'm glad he mentioned the other bars. I assume the Kashimax top tube protector is useful with at least one of those sets. Because right now it's on there purely for looks--those risers are well clear of the top tube, and with no brake cables they will spin like helicopter blades if you take your hands off the grips.

Lastly, I note the "deadstock" saddle is duly chained to the frame, but what about that retina-scorching rear Deep V? It looks to be unlocked. I may be wrong, but from the pictures the bike appears to be in the Herald Square area. So when you're done shopping at Macy's, swing by and grab yourself a free Deep V.