Friday, June 21, 2019

New Outside Column!

Hey, it's Friday!  I give every last one of you full permission to leave work early and head out for a ride--and I also give you permission to dress like a total slob:


I'm sure my mention of flip-flops will enrage those of you who have overtorqued sphincters.

Meanwhile, it continues to rain incessantly here in New York, and so lately I've found myself spending a lot of time on my Milwaukee:


While I may run a multi-media empire (Internet, print, radio, interpretive dance...), I also manage to do so without a single employee.  Incredible, right?  However, to a large extent it's my bicycles that are my work force, and occasionally I assign them to different departments in order to maximize workplace efficiency.  Such is the case with the Milwaukee, which currently plays the role of long-haul commuter-cum-rain bike.

Of course, when putting the Milwaukee in its new position I had to explain to it that this was in no way a demotion.  Indeed, this is a role that requires strength and fortitude, and in many ways entrusting a bicycle to it is the ultimate vote of confidence.  Predictably, the Milwaukee, then replied, "Oh yeah?  Then where's my raise?"  I then explained that there would be no raise, but I would equip it with these theft-proof skewers so at least its wheels wouldn't get stolen:


Though arguably the filthy state of my wheels is theft deterrent enough:


In fact this past Monday I had to change a tube and by the time I was done I looked like the Wile E. Coyote after a TNT mishap.

But yes, few bikes lead harder lives than this one does, and I even wake it up early for dawn rides when it's raining:


The Milwaukee handles it all with nary a complaint.

Speaking of bikes and harsh treatment, I was perusing the Twitter recently when this story about someone who rode Dirty Kanza on a "Walmart bike" caught my eye:


Eagerly I clicked on the video, only to learn it's just one of those high-end crabon bikes sold by a company that happens to be owned by Walmart:


At that point I felt duped and stopped watching.  Get back to me when you try it on a $324 mail order special:


I mean really, what kind of "Walmart bike" doesn't even have a pie plate?!?

28 comments:

Seattle lone wolf said...

Did I win?

Watch and Camera Guy said...

Podium?

Velik rider said...

I am riding all year around in bike sandals, with clips. Except may be 5 to 10 days a year where I use regular winter boots. I found it is very convenient as long as you able put double or triple socks. NY City area.

HDEB said...

My style is 96+% super-casual borderline homeless Recently I offered a homeless person pulling clothes out of a garbage can clothes; he took one look at me and gave a clear "NO!". I would've given him the formal, fancy-brand-name clothing that rots in the back of my closet. My favorite footwear/pedal combo is barefeet with Odyssey Triple Traps, hurts so good : ) I'm a self-centered douchebag as clearly illustrated by my "me, me, ME!" comments.

Chazu said...

How are those Ultegra hubs holding up in the rain?

Chazu said...

Well, looks like a Chris King in the back and Ultegra in the front. Is that the mullet of hub combos?

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...hehe... you said commuter-cum-rain.

...and this morning the rain did a cumming. Dear Lob! Is it monsoon season? Even my kidneys got soaked.

Al said...

I'm a retired lay-about now and a drag on society but I'm almost 70 and I can still ride my Surly to the local brewpub, bitches. But before I retired, I was in the medical field so I when I got off the bike at the clinic, it was no shower and put on the scrubs. Now my patients would complain about me because I had no bedside manner and was grim but they never said that I smelled. I guess they figured that by not killing them that I was actually saving their pathetic lives. So it really doesn't matter what kind of clothes you wear when you ride, what matters is that you throw a leg over the top tube and ride your bike. You know, one less car and all that shit.

Matt said...

Another great article Snobby! Your mind works in mysterious ways, and I'm always quite amused at the things you come up with and are able to put to print...it's seriously LOL stuff! (which brings frequent frowns from my the office next-door when I'm reading your prose here at work). Bee Keepers...HA!!

BK said...

Stopped in at Classic Cycles yesterday. The Renovo is on proud display at the front of the store. Also enjoyed Frank Bartells land speed record setting track bike with the 84x12 gear ratio.

1904 Cadardi said...

Timely article: in my workplace of employment the overlords decided that the best way to improve productivity, decrease expenses and grow revenue is by not letting employees wear shorts in the office. Or T-shirts with "funky" things on them (we think that means no George Clinton or Rick James but Taylor Swift and Micheal Bublé are acceptable).

I'm at a tech company office far away from headquarters so it's all computer geeks that seldom see customers. On the rare occasion one does show up people crack out the button down shirts, khakis and leather shoes. The rest of time shorts, t-shirts, and even flop-flops are okay. The extreme casual look, because computers don't care. But no longer.

All along I thought that happy employees are productive employees and that comfortable employees are happy employees. But it turns out that I, and you was well Mr. Tenovo, are wrong. Shins are apparently a huge drag on profits.

At least we still get to wear jeans, for now.

NYCHighwheeler said...

"The Viathon G.1 is a bike from Walmart"
-Bullshit!

"Velik rider said...
I am riding all year around in bike sandals, with clips."
I think I rode with this guy on a winter CM ride in NYC many years ago. It was dark, somewhere around 25-30 degrees, and we were riding at a very mellow pace. He had no gloves, (my fingers were numb in wool gloves), and thin pants and a light wind breaker. And yes, sandals with no socks. He did the whole hours long ride, and seemed to have no ill effects from the cold. I was wearing three times the gear, and freezing my ass off!

I have wondered how he did it for many years. It changed the way I viewed winter riding and survival. If this guy could do it, it was possible.

Glad to know you are still out there (assuming you are the same person) and you have my total respect, even if I not understand how you do it!

PS I think he also had a music player with EDM or Europop playing the whole time. Maybe that is the secret?
Fergie

Anonymous said...

Ultraromance piece used Fred correctly

ktache said...

Just wondering, how's Ol Piney feeling? She's got to be a bit dejected by being supplanted by the Jones's. And never quite cutting it as your "only" ride for the year.

Anonymous said...

1904 Cadardi: The dress code is a sign the company is slowly dying, just as sure as if they had started putting up motivational posters every few feet. Start looking for another job now!

Anywhoo. "The wife" does complain about the old "work clothes" thing with biking. It's definitely worse for women, because not only is there a double standard RE the permissible amount of frumpy schlubbiness, but the clothes themselves are a bit more challenging.

Dooth said...

I recently caught Tan Tenovo's enterpretive dance piece, Scranus! at the Joyce Theater. I highly recommend it.

dancesonpedals said...

You can’t spell podium without a pud.

Skidmark said...

@ktache 4:13pm- Ol’ Piney went to a new home back in January (1/23 post)- thanks and you’re welcome.

Die free. said...

Another great article. I have been testing the "fk it" waters for sometime in my office when it comes to biking and clothing. No one really seems to care... So fkit tee shirt and jorts it is

Pist Off said...

Viathon, even though it sounds like a monolithic news media corporation, truly is Wal-Mart’s high end bike brand. $2000 crabon framesets, in road, gravel, and Mtn hardtail. I wish it weren’t true. Apparently the younger Waltons are avid cyclists...

BikeSnobNYC said...

Pist Off,

Why do you wish it weren't true?

They also own Rapha BTW.

--Tan Tenovo

DaveD said...

Walmart is also a major investor in Allied Cycles, also located in WM hometown of Bentonville Arkansas. Wouldn't surprise me if Viathon frames are built by Allied...

In related news, Velo News kept referring to "Viathon" and "Viathlon" interchangeably in a recent newsletter. As Jacques Anquetil once admonished a reporter: You're a journalist. You're supposed to get it right."

JLRB said...

Just got around to the outside article.

I get the line of thinking, it would certainly make my life simpler - the whole shower/clothes change once I get to work is a drag, and sometimes its enough to tip me towards mass transit or the car I hate. Unfortunately I think cars will fly before clothing norms become less uptight. The trends swing from casual to more formal when recessions hit, and we likely are entering one right about now...

Maybe I'll opt to be buried in Lycra since it lasts forever.

Velik rider said...

No, I use socks even when hot outside. In winter, I use triple socks. I have no problem changing in business casual at work. Same miner,firefighters or doctors. I bring my stuff once a week and store a work. And it much nicer to be normal shoes, than in sandals.

Anonymous said...

I commute in all weather - and foot gear is a challenge because you can't have wet feet all day - my answer?
Water shoes! water shoes are those meshed sneaker looking things that dry quickly - I simply keep extra shoes under my desk or carry extra shoes and socks in my pack. Winter is the easiest ride - not too much sweat and you can just wear regular clothes - in warm weather, I ride in shorts and stuff and change at my office

Serial Retrogrouch said...

What's this outfit? Is it a Halloween Party?

Hehe... no, no, it's Casual Friday!

JLRB said...

Nudists aren't burdened by clothing norms, but they favor brown seats

paulb said...

Stretchy quick drying drawstring shorts at Uniqlo--$14.99.