Thursday, February 28, 2019

Surly You Jest

There's a lot going on in the world today, but by far the biggest and most important news story on the planet--bigger than Michael Cohen's testimony, bigger than the tension between India and Pakistan, bigger than Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un's bro-down in Vietnam--is that Beto O'Rourke rides a fixie:

Wait, sorry, not a fixie--he says at the end of the video that it was a fixie but that he put a freewheel on it.

Of course, should O'Rourke declare his candidacy for the highest office in the land, he wouldn't be the first bikey person to do so.  John Kerry's Fredly bona fides are well documented:

As is George W. Bush's proclivity for mountain biking:

Still, if O'Rourke does in fact run, this could be the closest a Surly with pink grips ever gets to the Oval Office--unless you count the Seamless delivery person who does the "hipster high-lock" on the White House front gate.

Anyway, whatever you think of his politics, this could be a watershed moment in American history, though unfortunately it's already being marred by the countless dunderheads on Twitter exhorting him to wear a helmet:

Though I was oddly fascinated by this account:

The whole thing smacks of religious allegory.  If I were an artist, I'd paint a diptych: one panel would depict the moment when a "somewhat deformed man" pointed at Rocky Mountain Views's head, and the other would show Rocky Mountain Views riding into the distant horizon with head be-helmeted for all eternity.  I also like to imagine that the "somewhat deformed man" has appeared to Rocky Mountain Views regularly since then and silently offered other "life hacks"--like how to decalcify the faucet aerator, or how to open a bottle of wine with a broken cork.

In any case, the fact that so many people freak out over the sight of a grown man riding a bicycle shows just how skewed our perception is:
And I look forward to his announcement as to whether or not he'll run, which I can only assume he'll make at a bike polo match.


leroy said...

You're title misspelled Shirley. Your welcome.

Anonymous said...

Possibly riding sans helment while twirling dual sawed-off would ensure 1600 Pennsylvania.

dancesonpedals said...

And don't call me Shirley

Jofus Braylor said...

who cares about the helmet- where's his front brake? Only one caliper on a singlespeed, and that in the back?

HDEB said...

Where's the photo of Jimmy Carter riding a bicycle? It's easy to find on the world wide web.

Beto O'Rourke said...

We can dream.

"Surely you don't mean that!"

"Yes, I do, and stop calling me Shirley."

C'mon, top ten lines in all of movie history.

Anonymous said...

Aaaannnd... Tan Tenovo inches a little closer to his inevitable appointment to the position of US Secretary of Transportation.

I recently watched "A Bronx Tale" for about the second time in the 20+ years since it was released. The film includes a couple of scenes where urban bike cycling is woven into the story. However, it is time for a remake; the contemporary version will revolve around Tan, his progeny, and an appropriate antagonist... like the woman who points to her head at mouths the word "helmet".

Drock said...

Over 300 days of sunshine down there in El Paso, that’s it I’m moving so my cycling fixation can play itself out. Wonder what ratio I need down there? Yo Beto what chainrings you runnin?

1904 Cadardi said...

How do you open a wine bottle with a broken cork? I've opened many wine bottles with a cork screw and used one of those co2 injector thingies that Sharper Image sold; I've even seen one opened with a hatchet, but I've never seen a wine bottle opened using a broken cork. How, exactly, does that work?

Also, one of the potential Democrats running in the next election is former Colorado Governor (and former Denver Mayor) John Hickenlooper, who used to commute by bike.
He would be a nice counter to Beto because he's soft spoken, kind of a dork, and he wears a helment.

pbateman doesn't like tyranny or pinkos said...

thank you Snob for continuing to fight what seems to be an impossible battle against the tyranny of jerk off fucko's that would insist we wear a hailmatt every time we even say the f'in word bicycle.

i don't really care all that much about Beto or his comings and goings, but god bless the guy for just hopping on a bike and like you know...casually riding up the g'damn street like you should be able to.

also, that's neat that jimmy carter (a fine example of a georgia boy) has a Rivendell. Neat indeed.

know what's not as neat? your mom's insides after last night.

theEel said...


dnk said...

Props to Kerry for talking on his cell & letting the helmet hang on his handlebar.

Anonymous said...

I wasn't a fan of G W Bush, but I'm a fan of him not getting all lycra'd up. (at least in that pic)

ethet said...

This piece from O'Rourke's Wikipedia page seems rather apropos:

"On July 3, 2001, O'Rourke's father was riding his bicycle along the shoulder of Pete Domenici Highway just across the New Mexico state line when he was struck from behind by a vehicle, throwing him 70 feet (21 m) causing severe head injuries; he was pronounced dead at the scene."

Jan! said...

I re-read that post from 2009 you linked to (“hipster high-lock”). You linked to a then-fledgling bike shop/gathering place, 718 Cyclery. Apparently, it’s still in business:

There’s no real reason to say this, other than that I thought that was neat. Isn’t 10 years in NYC Bikecycle Time like a century in real years?

Bikeboy said...

Helmet? HELMET?!!?

A much more urgent problem is - how will he keep chain grime off those khaki Dockers? (And if he get his britches stuck in the cogs, he might crash and end up wishing he had a brain-bucket on!)

It would be easy enough to find a photo of Obama, riding bikes with his family in his "mom jeans." Those photos clogged the airwaves once.

Somehow I can't picture Mr. Trump astride a velocipede. (But I'd like to! Perhaps he and Dear Leader Kim astride matching Huffys.)

NYCHighwheeler said...

I thought that Beto took a lot of dirty fossil fuel money, but I didn't realize what a whore he was to big oil!
He isn't #2 in the House of Reps, he is #2 OVERALL, including taking twice as much as Trump!
The only way Beto can avoid looking like the worst piece of shit is by standing next to Ted Cruz - the #1 kept boy of big oil. What an asshole!

Good On Ya! To everyone who stood up the the helmet nannies (ninnies?). Keep on fighting the good fight!

Big Robot had me select all the images with cars... Big robot must have snitched on me to Big Oil.

commie said...

GDubya was riding the Lance effect back then, as soon as the truth came out, he was never seen riding a bike again.

Who would have thunk in 2019 we would refer to GW as pretty good.

Punk Rock Rules the World said...

Best of all Beto is also a punk rocker and cross dresses on the cover of an album.

Dooth said...

No helmet for Beto. No front brake. One speed freewheel. El Paso must be flat.

DaveD said...

Big Robot lets me use the express lane. Haven't had to select images containing cars or oil refineries in quite a while.
Tan, could you use your influence to get those annoying "Peloton" ads removed from the TV waves? I thought it was just one of those ads that pops up around Tewer di Frontz time, but no, they're on all the time! FFS, I have to fast forward thru those things when I replay my Mannix and Cannon DVR'd episodes. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Dave in "Breaking Away" {pre-steriods era) movie quote.
Everybody cheats, I just didn't know.

My favorite quotes are ones that unleashed mayhem-
"Release the Kraken",
"I know it was you Fredo"

bad boy of the south said...

Just remember....plasticky byke beanie.
If I'm not mistaken, plastic is made from...ahem,big oil.

bad boy of the south said...

Oh,yeah. I liked your outside article.
I think it was mostly about omelets.
(Just kidding)
I think a new hat is in the making...
MEGA(Make Eggs Great Again).
No need to thank me.

janinedm said...

I don't have a dog in this race other than lady truth, but I don't think it's inaccurate to say that O'Rourke took money from oil companies. 1) That list doesn't distinguish between lobbying groups and employees of certain industries. 2) O'Rourke ran for Senate in Texas, where many of the people who live there are connected to the oil industry. So, 3) if a lunch lady who works in the Exxon cafeteria gives him $50, that counts as a donation from the oil industry. Again, you don't like Beto? Cool with me. The only thing I'm sure of, voting-wise is not-Trump. I'm just sick to death of noise undistinguished from signal.

Finally, I like to think that the somewhat deformed guy was just, you know, an un-injured Steve Buscemi-type and the tweeter just thought he'd face-planted at some point.

anonymous said...

Tex Kennedy rides a Surly; Bravo Foxtrot Delta. Hell, even guys like me ride Surlys.

And the former dishwasher Alexander Occasional Kotex ain't the bossa me.

Unknown said...

Veni, Vidi, Bici