Monday, January 14, 2019

Smug As A Bug In A Rug

It's been rather cold here in New York:


This is a good thing, because after months of heavy rain the ground is now frozen, meaning I can finally do some proper rides on the Jones Plus SWB Complete.  So this past weekend that's what I did:


With just a short time to ride on Saturday morning, and with temperatures well below 30 American Freedom Degrees™, the prospect of a road ride seemed terribly unappealing and I didn't have enough time to ride to and from the nearest mountain bicycling trails.  So in a great big selfish "Fuck You!" to the environment, the streets of New York City, and smugness in general I fired up THE CAR THAT THE BANK OWNS UNTIL I FINISH PAYING THEM BACK and drove my lazy ass to Queens--utilizing the Saris SuperClamp EX of course, with which I remain quite pleased:


"Queens?!?," you say.  Indeed.  For Queens is the home of Cunningham Park, which contains a compact yet tremendously enjoyable network of all-terrain bicycling pathways:

I almost always ride a singlespeed at Cunningham because the smooth, rolling terrain is ideal for riding without shifting.  However, this time I took the Jones, and I'm glad I did, because there were lots of frozen ruts left behind from people riding in the mud and I was able to float right over them thanks to those plush, grippy, and apparently out-of-style plus-sized tires.

Hey, my wheel size may be the stylistic equivalent of some doofus in dad jeans and white Under Armor sneakers, but I'm okay with that because rigid bikes with plush tires are awesome.

Anyway, I rode for about an hour and a half:


And spent the drive home repeating the Act of Contrition to the David Byrne bobblehead I keep on the dashboard:


Sunday I had a bit more time, so I once again took up the Jones, though I had the luxury of doing so without resorting to the use of an automobile.  Heading north on the Old Croton Aqueduct Trail for about 10 miles:


I then headed due east and entered the forbidding Trails Behind The Mall:


And by the time I got home I'd described a pleasant 20-ish mile loop of mostly dirt that hit the sweet spot between easy and "epic":


Anyway, I've said it enough times you're tired of hearing it, and I've even filed an official review, but I'll reiterate anyway that you should buy one of these bikes--unless of course you don't want one.  I should also add that at no point during this weekend's exploits did I wear any Lycra, which I think deserves some sort of prize.  (A tube of fungicide seems appropriate.)  So there you go.

Finally, in other major cycling news, esteemed commenter CommieCanuck informs me that Peter Sagan will be riding a bicycle made out of (gasp!) metal:


Wait a minute, you can make racing bicycles out of metal?!?

This changes everything!!!

25 comments:

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...is the Act of Contrition repeated while bobbing your head?

Unknown said...

Pedal assist motors will now gravitate to crabon in a weight saving measure.

Very Slim Pickens said...

A bike made out of metal. Next thing you know they'll be installing batteries.

commie said...

I'm just here for the adulation.

no back to work this instant!!! said...

Are aluminum and metal the same thing? Or is an alloy some sort of smart metal - like titanium? Sorry, I didn't have time to watch the video.

wishiwasmerckx said...

That guy in the video wins hands-down in the contest to see how many syllables you can squeeze out of the word "aluminum."

Dirk Montero said...

Rigid bikes with plush tires are indeed awesome, but if 27.5"+ is officially out of style, where does that leave my 26x3.0" setup on the fashion spectrum?

Dirk

HDEB said...

Frozen ground is fast but hurts when your face meets it at speed : )

hellbelly said...

Time pedals forever! Those rides look like a blast. It's been so rainy down here (Georgia) the trails are all closed due to being under water, complete mud holes or both so thanks for the vicarious thrill.

Al U. Minium said...

It's TCHOOBLISS!

STG said...

Snob, what are the forbidden trails behind the mall? Do you ever ride your Jones at Blue Mountain Reservation in Peekskill?

Anonymous said...

Hope Sagan wins Milan San Remo on the aluminum beast.

Chazu said...

I've got the same MTB pedals on my road bike.

So in a way, I'm 'palping' a BSNYC seal of approval.

notfromusa said...

@wishiwasmerckx

It's Queens English. The word is "aluminium".
Damned colonials...

Persia said...

I guess that electric bike in Adelaide is not an example of cycling exploding - in a good way.

Anonymous said...

You Americans and your funny names for metals...

Some guy from upstate said...

I haven't done that much driving in the city, but it seems like there must be a more direct route from Queens to the Bronx than going through London ...

Anonymous said...

What about all this hate to cars? I am sure you make 15 to mtb park on MTB!!

pbateman bought a new camera and now thinks he knows a thing or two said...

like the AnDULL Adams of outdoor bike photography. work on that composition bro.

pretty chilly here in fl this week too. not getting above 70 today. jacket time.

Anonymous said...

Bet you guys wish you had some Nucular weapons tho.

huskerdont said...

Are the trails behind the mall "forbidding," as written, or "forbidden"? In some moods I'd prefer the one, and in others, the other.

bad boy of the south said...

So,is crabon dead?

huskerdont said...

The U.K. totes has Nucular weapons. You can read about it in the Libary once you've checked your Shedule. It's Milatry madness over there.

Very Slim Pickens said...

Of the burning bike, Jerry Lee Lewis said "Great Balls of Fire".

JLRB said...


Must get rolling on the plump bike in the freshly fallen snow