This Is Going To Be The Best 2017 EVER!!!

It's 1917!

(Freds of the world unite!)

Sorry, I meant 2017!

After the annus horribilis (a Latin phrase meaning "horrible anus") that was 2016, it was somewhat gratifying to watch it go swirling down the toilet.  However, it remains to be seen what will happen once that hissing sound stops and the bowl fills anew.  At the very least, we can expect at least one carroty turd to resurface on Inauguration Day, and no amount of plunging is likely to consign it to the sewers where it belongs.

Nevertheless, I choose to welcome 2017 as an auspicious year, for it marks my 10th year of blogging:

No, I'm not retiring (yet), I just prefer tombstones to birthday cakes.  Also, my blog's 10th birthday isn't technically until June 13th, at which point you can rest assured I'll mark the occasion in the appropriate fashion:

Still, it's never too early to start congratulating yourself, and I like to think I'm coasting to the line with a comfortable lead and plenty of time to zip up and thank the sponsors, though this is probably a more accurate representation:


Did I win?  The answer is most certainly yes.  Ten years ago I was a sub-middling Cat 3 with an unfulfilling day job and a debilitating racing habit.  Now I've turned into something even more insufferable: an ex-racer, published author, and parent, which is a highly combustible admixture for smugness.  Most importantly, in that time I've established myself as very possibly the world's greatest cycling blogger--and rest assured that when I say "possibly" I mean "definitely," it's just that my attorneys have advised me to use "possibly" when making pronouncements in order to avoid getting sued.

(This article is possibly about learning how to blow yourself.  See how that works?)

Of course being the world's greatest cycling blogger (possibly) isn't just a leisurely spin in the park.  Sure, I get to try out new bicycles from time to time, and marketing people occasionally offer to send me crotchal unguents for free, but maintaining my lofty position in the general classification takes work.  Indeed, in 2017 some of this work will take me away from this blog.  To what degree it does so remains to be seen, but I will endeavor to keep you apprised of my posting schedule of all times.  Also know that when I do take leave of this blog I'll be working on stuff you'll get to enjoy later, or at least working on stuff that will allow me to work on stuff you'll get to enjoy later, so it'll all work out in the end.

Hopefully.

Is that vague enough for you?  Because I could try to be even more ambiguous, but then I'd be venturing into Bradley Wiggins's package territory:

Hey, who doesn't like a good drugs package?  Maybe now that he's retired he can start a "Mystery Drugs Package of the Month Club."

("Dunno, could be anyfink, mate.")

And with that I hereby declare this year...well, if not exactly seaworthy, then at least adrift in a sea of uncertainty:

Here's to ten more years.  Of something.

Possibly.