Monday, January 30, 2017

Starting the Week and Ending It All In One Post! Now *That's* Efficiency!

Monday, February 6th, 2017 will forever be remembered as a great day in American history:

That's because it's the day I'll be making my triumphant return from my latest hiatus.

Yes, after today you won't be hearing from me (at least on this blog) until Monday, February 6th, at which point I will return with regular updates.

Deal with it.

Meanwhile, in New South Wales, Australia, visitors to Sydney beaches were baffled by signs requiring runners to wear helmets:

In a climate of lock-out laws and jaywalking fines, it's no wonder signs enforcing jogging restrictions on Sydney beaches have left social media scratching its head.

Sydney journalist Siobhan Moylan was stunned to find the sign - emblazoned with the words 'no helmet = no run' - alongside a patrolling policewoman on Bondi Beach.

The snapshot has been met with mass-confusion on Facebook, where commenters questioned whether the council has reached new heights of nanny state restrictions.

Indeed, the best pranks employ a cunning mix of absurdity and plausibility, and unsurprisingly plenty of people were taken in:

'Sydney's gone TOO FAR this time. This is the nanny police state goose stepping too far off-beat. Pull ur (sic) head in,' one commenter wrote.

 'The government website doesn't work so it could be real,' another said.

And at least one cycling group was more than ready to throw their bikeless brethren under the mandatory helmet bus:

Furthermore, coincidentally--or perhaps not coincidentally--I was in Brooklyn yesterday when I saw an adult man running while wearing a bicycle helmet.  Sadly I was unable to produce my smartphone quickly enough to capture a photo, but I know what I saw, and what I saw was an adult man running while wearing a bicycle helmet.  Oh, sure, maybe he was in a big rush to grab a Citi Bike and put on the helmet beforehand to save time, but when I see someone wearing workout clothes and running in a helmet with no bicycle in sight the only conclusion I can reasonably draw is that our society has finally reached Peak Helmet.

("Heroes wear helmets, they never ask why."  Just like Nazis!  Yeah, I went there.  It's 2017, we're supposed to compare everyone to the Nazis now.)

In other news, last night "60 Minutes" did a story on hidden motors in professional bike racing:

Highlights included correspondent Bill Whitaker in full auto-Fred mode:

A vintage US Postal Trek apparently obtained by "60 Minutes" from Craigslist and then retrofitted with a motor by the story's main source for $12,000, which doesn't seem like it would invite a conflict of interest at all:

And, perhaps most entertainingly for us locals, Tyler Hamilton testing said bike on so-called "River Road," which is one of the most popular Fredding routes in the New York City area:

Local Freds will recognize that as the start of the infamous "ranger station climb," and shockingly Hamilton did not take advantage of the bike in order to set a new KOM on Strava:

Cycling pundits were quick to dismiss the report:
With Strickland also citing his own magazine's story on the subject, which he described as "balanced and thorough:"

Though it's worth noting that the story also acknowledges that such cheating is feasible:

Hidden motors do exist; that is undeniable. And the sources we spoke with acknowledged that it was technologically feasible to create one as far back as the mid-1990s. But feasible is not the same as proof it happened. And for modern pros, none of the ones we spoke with think that motors are being widely used, if they’re used at all.

And moreover quotes Phil Gaimon as saying that he suspects Fabian Cancellara did indeed cheat using a motor:

“As we’ve seen, where there’s a will there’s a way,” said Brent Bookwalter, a longtime pro on BMC Racing. “I have a hard time saying adamantly without doubt that no one has ever used a motor. But I’ve also never seen anything that would lead me to believe that they have.” Phil Gaimon, who raced two years on the WorldTour with Garmin and Cannondale-Drapac, said he suspects Cancellara used a motor “for a few select races” in 2010, but said he’s skeptical of more recent accusations. “Once [the UCI] is searching for it, you can’t do it anymore,” he said.

Which in itself would be a revelation huge enough to warrant all the attention the subject of cheating with motors has attracted over the years.

By the way, watch some of those Cancellara videos and tell me that guy didn't have a battery up his ass:


And sure, Istvan Varjas, the Hungarian motor expert, is a dubious character who obviously stands to gain financially from stirring these rumors--though when it comes to pro cycling it's usually dubious characters who stand to gain financially from their stories who wind up being the most truthful.  [See: Tyler Hamilton, above.]  Also, the guy from the French Anti-Doping Agency seems pretty convinced:

Bill Whitaker: Have there been motors used in the Tour de France?

Jean-Pierre Verdy: Yes, of course. It’s been the last three to four years when I was told about the use of the motors. And in 2014, they told me there are motors. And they told me, there’s a problem. By 2015, everyone was complaining and I said, something’s got to be done.

Verdy said he’s been disturbed by how fast some riders are going up the mountains. As a doping investigator, he relied for years on informants among the team managers and racers in the peloton, the word for the pack of riders. These people told Jean-Pierre Verdy that about 12 racers used motors in the 2015 Tour de France.

As does Greg LeMond:

And while he may be a bitter old crank he's also a bitter old crank who's been pretty right-on about everything so far, so why couldn't he be right about this too?

In the 2015 Tour de France, bikes in the peloton were weighed before one of the time trial stages.  French authorities told us the British Team Sky was the only team with bikes heavier than the rest—each bike weighed about 800 grams more. A spokesman for Team Sky said that during a time trial stage bikes might be heavier to allow for better aerodynamic performance. He said the team has never used mechanical assistance and that the bikes were checked and cleared by the sports governing body.

A heavy bike doesn’t prove anything on its own but to Greg LeMond the weight difference should have set off alarm bells. In this case, sources told us, the sport’s governing body would not allow French investigators to remove the Team Sky wheels and weigh them separately to determine if the wheels were enhanced. LeMond said not enough is being done by the International Cycling Union to prevent cheating with motors.

I bet Sky could fit a lot of technology in those disc wheels:

And if you really want to indulge in some juicy conspiracy theories, consider Fausto Pinarello's stance on disc brakes:

"I think the only people who need disc brakes are those who are heavy or are scared on long descents. Disc brakes could help them, but pros don't need them. There are 30 riders at Team Sky and if they all come to me and say that they think disc brakes work and that they want then, then okay. But I don't think that's the case. If it rains, they'll simply go a little slower."

Of course Team Sky don't want disc brakes.  If I as a middle-aged schlub don't want to upgrade to discs because I'd no longer be able to use my old wheels, why would Team Sky--who are probably invested in hundreds of thousands of dollars of motodoping tech--want new team bikes that won't support it?  Indeed, most of the peloton has been pretty resistant to discs, and when you consider that they otherwise don't really seem to give a shit what they ride it kinda makes you think:

Hey, it may be a coincidence, but I still have no doubt they're cheating with motors in the peloton, if only because I don't think there's been a single wild cheating theory that hasn't ultimately turned out to be true.

Of course, this is still America, so expect the media to report on cycling's "notorious culture of cheating" while ignoring the fact that Tom Brady is fucking aging in reverse:
Come on.

If it wears a helmet I don't trust it.

See you back here on Monday, February 6th!

I love you,

--Wildcat Rock Machine


Unknown said...

205. The trouble is that many of the people who are inclined to rebel against the industrial system are also concerned about the population problems, hence they are apt to have few or no children. In this way they may be handing the world over to the sort of people who support or at least accept the industrial system. To insure the strength of the next generation of revolutionaries the present generation should reproduce itself abundantly. In doing so they will be worsening the population problem only slightly. And the important problem is to get rid of the industrial system, because once the industrial system is gone the world’s population necessarily will decrease (see paragraph 167); whereas, if the industrial system survives, it will continue developing new techniques of food production that may enable the world’s population to keep increasing almost indefinitely.

Roy Caldwell said...


Serial Retrogrouch said...

friggin ted

Serial Retrogrouch said...

but still podio

Unknown said...


Freddy Murcks said...

Damn, you Snob. How dare you go on vacation (or whatever you are doing during this one of your many hiatuses).

Two Claws said...

Top ten?

Two Claws Up!

Richrd Stinks said...

Motodoping my way to the top!

wle said...

i doped to be number 10 post or whatever it is...

wle said...


wle said...

9 and 10

dnk said...

Snob, surely the jogger you saw in Park Slope was part of the global prank and in cahoots with the Aussies.

BeerDrivenCyclist said...

13rd? Noice.

dnk said...

P.S. And happy hiatus! Please bring back some mixed nuts for us.

streepo said...


Dead Dog said...

I really wish Ted K. would stop fucking me. Necrophilia is bad enough in and of itself, but this is just disrespectful. While it may be true that all dogs go to heaven, my dead body is in some sort of earthly hell being repeatedly defiled by that goddamned psycho.

CommieCanuck said...

Healments are just as controversial in running, and are a mechanism of mechanical doping.

Racing runner meth cook, coincidence? I think not.

Crazy Greg LeM...must be great to wake up every day and be righter as time goes on.

SKY denies using motorbikes, and we all know denial means no possible guilt.

Dave said...

I'm wearing my helmet on the toilet. You never know when the cheap chinese-made toilet seat is going to collapse, causing the back of your head to be crushed against the tank.

Here's the pro cycling event I'd like to see: at the starting gun the racers are let into a compound containing a giant pile of bike parts taken from yard-sale bikes of random vintage. Each rider is supplied with a minimal but adequate standard tool kit. They must assemble their bikes from the pile; if there is a dispute about who get which part they could slap each other for them. You can begin the race whenever you think your Frankenbike is ready. During the race you can try to fix your own bike if there is any kind of problem, but you have no parts supplied or assistance to do it. You may bring with you a patch kit and a tiny hand pump along with the tool kit.

Dave said...

I've heard that Ted K is about to be paroled directly onto the NSC. A great choice!

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

17th Scrani, and I read it! Enjoy the hiatus!

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Well, 19th excluding Fuck-O Ted K, anyway. Dave forget the cheap Chinese toilet seat, the whole cheap porcelain throne could give way under your scranus! You're going to need some kind of contraption like a kiddy swing suspended from a structural beam with a hole in the bottom if you really want to be safe.

janinedm said...

"I still have no doubt they're cheating with motors in the peloton, if only because I don't think there's been a single wild cheating theory that hasn't ultimately turned out to be true." Bingo! Every professional sport has cheating, but by god I have never thing as full f cheating as professional cycling. Occam's Razor in cycling always comes down to cheating.

Anonymous said...

moto doping indeed. I was riding this weekend, and some fit punk blew past me as if I was riding backwards. Yes he was younger, yes he was much fitter and yes I'm slow, but he must have had a motor, the only possible explanation.

Anonymous said...


See descriptions of the early years of the Tour de France. Riders had to be self sufficient. They started the race with spare tires strapped to the bike. Forks were often bent or broken on descents. In at least one case one of the leaders broke his fork, carried the bike down the mountain, found a forge at a homestead, repaired the fork, and continued. He was penalized because he was assisted with the forge -- a local kid worked the bellows for him.

Not your average Sunday ride.

Today I get to ride in the mountains on paved roads with skinny tires. All I have is a few tools and a spare tube (and, in case of real trouble, a cell phone). I'm such a wuss.

bad boy of the north said...

Back from djt's playground.spotted a secret service motorcade.saw protestors near the capital.oh,and lots and lots of bieks.enjoy the hi ate us.

Cinimod said...

"bikes might be heavier to allow for better aerodynamic performance. "

My inner-Fred brain is hurting. Will an infinitely heavy bike be infinitely aero?

Happy Hiatus.

N/A said...

What the shit is this? Enjoy your hiatus, Wildcat.

In the mean time, I guess I'm back to just making shit up here amongst my fellow common-taters. Whimsical flights of fancy, humorous bits of verse, perhaps a little snarky speculation, maybe some outright lies. Who knows where these next few days may take me and my half-witted imagination?

DB said...

Hey, New Yorkers:
I'm coming into town tomorrow to visit my daughter and her husband. She is pregnant and I'm buying the stroller and car seat as a gift.
Where is a good place to purchase items and which stroller do you recommend?
Thank you.
Have a good break, Wildcat.

leroy said...

I don't mean to brag, but my dog validates my parking at the top of the Ranger Station Hill Climb on River Road.

Anonymous said...

"Where is a good place to purchase items..

Not in NYC.

JLRB said...

Enjoy the stupor bowl

Dan said...

Tom Brady is morphing into Daniel Tosh

N/A said...

We can only assume that Wildcat needs all of this time off of the blogulations to get his Super Bowl party ready. All those dips and the nacho-buffet takes time to prepare, of course. Also, it is my understanding that his crudite platter is second to none, and really quite spectacular.

Anonymous said...

My girlfriend told me I look "uncool" with my bike healment on...

Well, I'd rather look uncool, than fall and split my dome open during bonezone. :P

JLRB said...

Not as nutty as a jogger, but I drove by a palyground-style-park yesterday and saw a grown man wearing a helmet while standing around in the park. I hope he rode his bike there and was too lazy to take off the helme(n)t while his 17 kids played, but he sure looked st(oo)pid.

Alternate Fact News of the Day said...

When The Donald sits his behind down behind the Oval Office deak, he puts on a hellment made out of aluminum foil with a telescoping antenna on each side. Just like TV's had in the 50's. Then he picks up the phone and says "Hello, 1953, this is the GOP calling".

PS the White House has Russian made toilets, not Chinese made. The bathrooms had bidets too; but no one on the Trump team knew what they were, so they were all torn out. Kellyanne announced the Obama White House sinks were ridiculously low and had to be replaced.

Don T via twitter said...

I'm wearing my helmet on the toilet. You never know when the cheap chinese-made toilet seat is going to collapse, causing the back of your head to be crushed against the tank.

I was just tweeting this, we need to stop making crappers in Gina or by rapists and we need to respect beautiful great American jobs for high-strength American toilets to support our yuge great asses. With proper flush handles for those with slightly, slightly smaller hands.

CommieCanuck said...

Occam's Razor in cycling always comes down to cheating.

I admit in great shame I shaved my scranus with Occam's razor. BUT THEY ALL DID THIS. I CHEATED NO ONE.

N/A said...

"Bud, the toilets of today aren't worthy of the name. They come in designer colors and they're too low. And when you flush them, they make this little weak, almost apologetic sound. Not the Ferguson. It only comes in white. And when you flush it, 'BA-WOOSH'. That's a man's flush, Bud. A Ferguson says, 'I'm a toilet. Sit down and give me your best shot'."

-Al Bundy

Hair Furor said...

Bill Whitaker riding in the drops... Did not see that coming!

Anonymous said...

nice job ted.

Anonymous said...

"If you ain't cheatin' you ain't tryin'" is often attributed to Richard Petty (stock car racing) (based on my search of Google Images), but that ethic goes to a lot of professional sports.

Freddy Murcks said...

DB - For stroller and car seat, I would purchase from Amazon and have them shipped to your daughter's domicile in NY. My knowledge of stollers and car seats is about 10 years out of date, but, in general, I think you want light and easy to fold. Navigating the stairs into and out of the subway and getting in and out of cabs is a pain in the ass with a big stroller. A system that integrates with the car seat while also being able to adapt as the child grows is also nice.

Your question was a little off the comentariat's usual topics of bikes, scranuses, and Cipo's emissions, but I hope that my answer was helpful.

Fact Alternate Airwaves said...

The Obama's had children, small wonder the Trumpers thought they were sinks.

K. Conjob continued on by saying "you had to get down on your hands and knees to use the sink, I mean, come on."

Miles Davis said...

Hey, CC Babble shaved her's without using shaving cream. Tough Bitches Brew!

Tour de Solid Gold Shower said...

The Donald cheated on his taxes and he also held a bike race. Coincidence? I don't think so, do the math man.

Joe said...

I'm pretty sure we haven't hit peak helment yet. I don't know how, but we'll find a way to top actually mandatory jogging helments.

Putin Brand Toilets Accept no Substitute said...

"Russian made toilets in the White House".

Ignore the telescope that comes up from the tank and peers over your shoulder while you're reading on the throne..

Hank Williams said...

Your Cheatin Heart

babble on said...

Hey!! I use a healment on the throne sometimes and you can trust... oh, never mind.

babble on said...

Speakin' of cheatin':


What we REALLY need now is a big fat magic wand to make the madness disappear...

Drock said...

Just bought bonic legs for my 5 year old, she'll be passing all the doping tests.

babble on said...

Uh...Mr Davis??

Maybe in the last millenium, but haven't you heard? Da boosh is back. It's all soft n cozy, n'besides: eet's de boyz turn to keep em ubertrimmed.


And I'm not talking about that conman you madmuruhkins elected, neither.

BikeSnobNYC said...


Congratulations! I'm not at all a Stroller Fred and like bikes it all depends on how it's going to be used. (Lots of subway/bus trips? Walk-up or elevator? Etc.) We had a City Mini at some point which seems popular. Easy to maneuver and most importantly folds VERY quick. It also reclines flat so I think with the right accessories you can use it with a newborn.

Or, if you want to go Full Stroller Fred, there's the Bugaboos, but they are very expensive--though you can probably do some serious Baby Cat 6-ing on the line at Whole Foods.

As for where to buy, if you want to be hands-on and inspect the merchandise it's basically the same stores here as anywhere else (Babies R Us, Buy Buy Baby, Target, and so forth). Or, as Freddy Murcks says, if she's got something in mind already just order it and have it delivered.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

darryl from downunder said...

tom brady. . and the tennis. . "nobody mention the tennis" shouted an exasperated basil fawlty

Anonymous said...

Babble, you made my transistors vibrate with that accurate description of your bigot in chief.

BTW, surely "the" Donald has always been a DUCK, the other one just looks, sounds and behaves like a dogs arse.

Deep Blue.

Bogusboy said...

Just when you thought "60 Minutes" couldn't possibly become any more lame and irrelevant....

no video controls killed the blog embedded video said...

Not having controls available on your embedded youtube videos is like having an electric motor in your bike with no on/off switch

Some guy from upstate said...

Ok, I confess, I looked at the Postal Service Trek and instantly thought "Hmm, vintage Carbon Trek in Team Postal colors for 800 bucks - not bad"

And DB, I was always fond of the backpack option, although the kid needs to be able to sit up, so at least a few months old. Before that a sling works. I think the backpack came from EMS, but that was a really long time ago.

Persia said...

"And at least one cycling group was more than ready to throw their bikeless brethren under the mandatory helmet bus"

That "group" is one (1) fat stupid loudmouth, so take any commentary from that source with a grain of salt.

Anonymous said...

I can hardly wait for the pro cycling season to get fully under way. It’ll be fun tracking the PED use, the TUE use, the MOTOR DOPING, and, oh, the upcoming DENIALS! (They never tested positive!) That’s entertainment, folks.

DB said...

Thanks upstate guy, Freddy and Wildcat.
Good advice from all. They live in Astoria and work in Midtown so there will be lots of subway travel.
I'll let you know what the winner is.
Probably some carbon thing with electric motor.
And I'm aware of the Amazon option.

Anonymous said...

Please tell me you aren't fleeing to Canada Mr Snob?

Rat in a Cage, Still said...

When you run a campaign based on banning muslims from entering the country you can't claim people are misinterpretating a security check, or can you ...

Here me now and listen to me laaater said...

Celebrity Apprentice host Arnold Schwarzenegger was straightforward about his thoughts on President Donald Trump's recent immigration and travel ban, saying Monday he believes it is a mistake that "was vetted badly" and "makes us look stupid."

The actor and former California governor, who took over Apprentice hosting duties from Trump earlier this month, told Extra on Monday of the ban, "I think that the real problem is that it was vetted badly."

"I know what he's trying to accomplish," he continued, "and his fear of having people come in from other places and cause harm to the country and all of that stuff, but there is another way of going about it and doing it the right way to accomplish the same goals. And so I think that they were hasty with it."

President Trump's immigration and travel ban sparked protests at airports across the country over the weekend, with people, including L.A. Mayor Eric Garcetti, speaking out against the detention of travelers. The executive order, signed Friday, targets people from countries including Iran, Iraq, Syria, Libya, Sudan, Somalia and Yemen.

Read more: Actors Blast Trump's Immigration Ban at SAG Awards

Schwarzenegger said he could relate to people having trouble with green cards ("I was in that position") and that he believes the ban "is crazy and it makes us look stupid when the White House is ill-prepared to put these kind of executive orders out there."

"At the same time, I have to say I went through some of those problems when I was governor," he conceded. "You go in there new with a new team and mistakes are made. I hope that this is a wake-up call for them."

The ban was a hot topic at Sunday night's SAG Awards, with a majority of the presenters and winners addressing the issue onstage. Among the winners, Veep's Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Stranger Things' David Harbour and Moonlight's Mahershala Ali addressed the issue and the continuing protests over the weekend, with Ali delivering an emotionally charged speech about being a Muslim in America.

Also on Monday, Schwarzenegger said in an interview with Access Hollywood that he doesn't agree with the idea that celebrities shouldn't use that sort of venue to speak their mind. "People have to choose where they want to get their statements out" and "everyone picks a different place to do it. That was, for them, a perfect place to do it, and I personally don't mind at all."

"And as a matter of fact," he added, "there's a lot of people in the entertainment business that would like to be in politics, so the question is just who really would have the guts to do it. It's all about, 'Do you have the balls to do it?' The minute you step into politics, 50 percent of the people immediately don't like you."

"I think entertainers like to be in politics and be involved in policy, and I think that people in Washington like to be in Hollywood," he said, adding that senators have often asked him to be in his movies.

Anonymous said...

America has gone insane, and Trump is the manifestation.

McFly said...

COFFEE TIME! (jogyourlog)

bad boy of the north said...

Ms.babble and commie canuck,so sorry to hear what happened in Quebec.just horrible.

Anonymous said...

I think Ted K makes a great point in his post which applies to the current political situation. The Christian homeschoolers will be taking over our political infrastructure while the liberals concerned about global warming and overpopulation will be left behind. Once Trump is impeached(assuming the world doesn't collapse by then), Mike Pence will be ready to herald in the New Christian Revolution:

Iran is already calling Trump's bluff by testing ballistic missiles, this will intensify. Does Trump retaliate militarily and risk collapsing the economy or risk being called a coward?

The housing market is also due to collapse this year, simply because China is cracking down on fake currency.

Global warming might not set another heat record this year but is likely to intensify storms to a whole new level the world hasn't seen coming this spring.

The Cascadia subduction zone is getting ready to snap, along with the San Andrea fault finally giving way. Hawaii will likely completely disappear soon, I predict this year.

But 2017 will be a breakthrough year for clean cycling. No more tue exceptions and nobody will risk motorized doping since everybody is now looking for it. It's a great time to be a bike racing fan. Let's really focus on the spring classics and grand tours this year!

I will continue to ride around Central Park on my Marin, sniffing glue(I am hooked now on the train model stuff) hoping to run into Snobby.

Heni Herbal said...

We will always wait until the current newest information .
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ramin soheil said...

tnx heni

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Anonymous said...

I think you meant "Alpine Drive" as the Fredding route, not River Rd. River Rd. is a horrendous mess going through Edgewater --- and residents recently made it clear they want more cars and fewer bikes on that stretch of pavement.

--- Not a Fred, but sometimes I actually need to go to Palisades, NY

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All In One said...

Really wish Ted K. would stop fucking me. Necrophilia is bad enough in and of itself, but this is just disrespectful. allinallWhile it may be true that all dogs go to heaven, my dead body is in some sort of earthly hell being repeatedly defiled by that goddamned psycho.