Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Sorry, but I couldn't let this one go.

I realize I said I was out of the office until Monday, February 6th, but that was before I saw this story on NY1:


Before I begin, I should say that I enjoy NY1, and like many households in this city we begin our weekday mornings with anchorperson and affable Canadian (is there any other kind?) Pat Kiernan.  However, this particular story is just...oy.  [Winces and massages temples.]  And it begins with this guy:


For 13 years, Ben Bowman has taken part in a ritual all too familiar to city car owners who park on the street. Twice a week, he moves his Jeep from one side of West 68th St. to the other to make way for street cleaners.

W. 68th Street is in the vicinity of Lincoln Center and numerous other cultural institutions, educational facilities, and famous landmarks.  If you live on W. 68th Street you can walk to everything from the Metropolitan Opera to the Dakota to an Imax movie theater to a Lowe's Home Improvement to a Trader fucking Joe's.  It is also extremely well served by public transit should you need to leave the neighborhood.  Given this, it probably won't surprise you to learn that free street parking is at a premium.  Yet, despite all this, Ben Bowman opts to deal with the hassle of keeping not just any car but this dumbass Jeep with a fucking light bar on the roof because you need that in the middle of Manhattan:


Hey, I'm sure Ben Bowman has his reasons for wasting two days a week amid this embarrassment of cultural riches in order to move a soccer mom car on steroids from one side of the street to the other.  Maybe he's an avid outdoorsman who makes frequent trips to the country.  Maybe his job requires him to haul lots of equipment at a moment's notice.  Or maybe he just likes the damn thing.  And I wouldn't care, either, except that it's turning him into a raving fucking lunatic:


With space at a premium, things can get ugly, such as the time another driver snuck into a spot Bowman had been waiting to take. 

"I went to my truck and pulled out my tire iron and stood by his door, and I said 'You can have this spot, but you're taking a beating when you get out."

Yes, here's Ben Bowman, Upper West Side resident, inhabitant of one of the most rarefied and privileged bubbles in the United States and therefore the world, explaining to a TV camera that he threatened to assault somebody with a tire iron for taking the parking space that he doesn't even fucking own.

Yet incredibly this is not a news story about mental illness, or even about how Ben Bowman should just move the hell upstate already.  It's a story about how hard it is for unfortunate souls such as Ben Bowman to find free car storage on a small island with excellent 24-hour mass transit that also happens to be the most densely populated county in the United States:

Drivers say tensions and the time it takes to find a space have been increasing since the city began eliminating parking spaces to install Citi Bike stations and dedicated bike lanes.

Here, let me fix that for you:

Drivers say tensions and the time it takes to find a space have been increasing since the city began eliminating parking spaces to install Citi Bike stations and dedicated bike lanes.

That's better.

In Manhattan alone, the city has eliminated at least 2,330 parking spaces south of 125th St. to accommodate bike lanes and bike-sharing stations, according to city records obtained by NY1 nine months after filing a request under the Freedom of Information Law.

I like how they make it sound as though they've uncovered a massive conspiracy and not simply the city's well-documented efforts to keep its citizens safe and make it easier for people to get around.

Gone, for example, are 340 spots along 1st Ave, 300 spots along 2nd Ave., and 140 on Columbus Ave. just for bike lanes.


What a tragedy!  2,330 parking spaces gone, never to return!  Lost in the mists of time, like the Lenape Indians and the verdant forests and sparkling streams that once covered this isle!  Yeah, it does sound like a lot of parking spaces--until you consider that the population of Manhattan below 125th Street is approximately 1,039,000, which means this represents a loss of approximately .002 parking spots per person.

Big fucking deal.

But if you don't feel bad for people like Ben Bowman, perhaps you'll feel bad for the people who deliver their appliances:

Car owners aren't alone in suffering.  The growth of bike lanes has made delivery work even more challenging.  These guys had to double-park on Columbus and walk a half-block to deliver a stove and refrigerator.


Okay, wait a minute: if the bike lane has made this job more challenging then why did they end up parking on Columbus, which is the street with the bike lane on it?  Why didn't they just park in front of the delivery address?  Oh, I dunno, maybe because of the giant truck unloading a Dumpster?!?


Nice try blaming the bike lane though.

Officials say that with the population growing, it's essential to get people out of cars and onto bikes. The city's transportation commissioner, Polly Trottenberg, says cars still rule the streets.

"We dedicate about 95 percent of (the streets) to automobiles," Trottenberg said, "and actually only about 5 percent to buses and cycles. And yet buses and cycles are the way we are going to carry the most people."

That's right.  And check out the Smugerati.  See how they're smiling as they roll over the graves of all those dead parking spaces?  (Actually the parking spaces are still there and have just been moved over a bit but we're not supposed to know that.)  They don't look like they want to bash anybody with a tire iron, do they?


No they don't.  But it's important to remember that in New York City anybody who rides a bike is a wealthy elitist (except for food delivery people, but they don't count), whereas anybody who drives a car is "middle class:"

That's little solace to middle class residents like Valerie Perez who need a car and can't afford garage space. 



She walks with a cane and has parked in the East 80s since 1970.


Yeah, in 1970 there was only one area code for the whole city too, and you could smoke at the doctor's office while eating fondue in the waiting room.  But you know what?  Things have a way of changing over the course of forty-seven years.  Speaking of change, someone should tell Ms. Perez tha they just opened up a brand new subway line right in her neighborhood.  In fact, between all the trains and the buses I don't think there's a more accessible neighborhood than the East 80s in the entire country:


And I don't mean to be hard on Ms. Perez, who is undoubtedly a lovely person who is simply used to doing things her own way in her own neighborhood.  But to blame bike lanes because it's harder to park on the Upper East Side in 2017 than it was in 1970 is more than a little unfair:



"It's worse than ever. It's been worse since they put the bike lanes in."

Is it because of the bike lanes?  Or is it because there are over 140,000 more registered vehicles in New York City in 2015 than there were in 2007, and about 380,000 more than there were in 1970?

I'm gong to go ahead and say it's the latter, and that we need the bike lanes because it's the only mode of private surface transportation left that's got any long-term viability.

I mean really, there were over 40,000 more registered vehicles in New York City in 2015 than there were in 2014.  Should the city have added 40,000 more parkings spaces in a single year?

Of course not:



"It's a hindrance to expect that's it your constitutional right to park for free on every street in New York City. That can't happen."

Unfortunately, Americans have a poor understanding on their constitutional rights, which explains everything from our willingness to bludgeon our neighbors with tire irons over public street space to our current president.  Also, good, honest, salt-of-the-earth middle-class people who drive cars in Manhattan resent being reminded of this by jet-setting bicycling advocates with swashbuckling mustaches.

And finally, the article goes out in a crescendo of irony:


"This Citi Bike station on Columbus Avenue extends an entire block.  It holds 67 bikes but at the expense of about nine cars."

Nine cars.  Nine measly cars!  Cars owned by crowbar-wielding psychopaths like Ben Bowman who only drive them back and forth across the street!  Actually, that's not even true.  It's metered parking on Columbus, which means it wasn't even long-term parking for those decent hard-working middle-class New Yorkers, it was just a little extra coin for the city from the unlucky schmucks who couldn't find free parking.  Meanwhile, the Citi Bike station now holds sixty-seven bikes that anybody can use--and they are using them, judging from the fact that the station is at that moment almost completely empty.

Seems to me the city's not losing parking spaces, it's gaining them.

I really hope he addresses that in Part Two, but I ain't exactly holding my breath.

And with that, I resume my absence, and I'll see you back here on Monday, February 6th with regular updates.

Your's Truely,


--Wildcat Rock Machine


170 comments:

Ted K. said...

206. With regard to revolutionary strategy, the only points on which we absolutely insist are that the single overriding goal must be the elimination of modern technology, and that no other goal can be allowed to compete with this one. For the rest, revolutionaries should take an empirical approach. If experience indicates that some of the recommendations made in the foregoing paragraphs are not going to give good results, then those recommendations should be discarded.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for this return, guess I'm not the only one checking in every now and then.

Anonymous said...

Turd!

Nich said...

Cognitive closure. That's what it is.

Eric Burns said...

You're back! I agree with people should get out of the cars and ride onto bikes even just for one whole day! People should be reminded that bike lanes and using bikes will not lead you to cause traffic but will eventually help you especially in your health. People should remember that thing.

bad boy of the north) said...

thanks for coming back.now go and enjoy part II of your hi ate us.

Die free said...

So close!

JLRB said...

Top ten in the sneak attack!

And "smoke at the doctor's office while eating fondue in the waiting room." Lob bless you that is some funny shit.

I think the TV freaks got wind that you were on a Highateus and thought they could slip that Trumptopian bull shit through without your watchful eye - RESIST!

JLRB said...

AND Ted K - best advice you've provided "those recommendations should be discarded"

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

10th in the sneak attack post! SCRANUS!

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Ben Bowman and Valerie Perez could save a lot of money by ditching their cars and using ZipCar and Uber when they need something other than mass transportation.

Re "Is it because of the bike lanes? Or is it because there are over 140,000 more registered vehicles in New York City in 2015 than there were in 2007, and about 380,000 more than there were in 1970?" - cruise through any neighborhood and see how many cars there are parked on the street with Vermont, Pennsylvania and other out of state plates because these middle class residents have a second home and register their car there to lower their insurance costs. There are also plenty of cars on the streets with NY State plates that are registered in upstate NY localities. So the increased car populations quoted are lower than what's actually happening on the streets.

McFly said...

A real man can change a tire without a tire iron.

Drock said...

Thanks god your tyre lever can't hurt anyone unless you have sharpned it into a shank. You seem a little angry on this story.

Mike in Dallas said...

"We need the bike lanes because it's the only mode of private surface transportation left that's got any long-term viability." That's not just GOLD, snobby, I might have to get a tattoo of those words.

Chazu said...

At the risk of blurting into an echo chamber: Excellent writing.

Fascinating to see that the residents of a neighborhood containing "an embarrassment of riches" are an embarrassment to their own neighborhood.

McFly said...

You can't just sneak in from the back like that.

Dooth said...

It kills me that I can't grow a swashbuckling mustache.

CommieCanuck said...

So why doesn't Ben Bowman just move to Buffalo? You can park anywhere and have tire iron fights with like-minded tire iron enthusiasts.
It's fucking New York..why even own a car?
WTF is up with these people, live in the most crowded city in the US, so they buy a big fucking truck, then whine about the parking, then the gas costs, and in a few years, about the dictator that runs the country.

Good thing in a few years, those lanes will be ripped out for coal-fired pickup truck parking.

TIRE IRON

Anonymous said...

I like how Ted's post goes right along with the message of snobs:
Eliminate technology!

Take away the parking spots in all major cities and give us more room for simple, ecologically friendly bikes.

AMERICA NEEDS GREEN COMMUNISM NOW TO SAVE us from RUNAWAY GLOBAL WARMING! Become an instant GREEN COMMIE! now please. Lets bind together to save planet stinky.

wishiwasmerckx said...

"If you live on W. 68th Street you can walk to everything from the Metropolitan Opera to the Dakota to an Imax movie theater to a Lowe's Home Improvement to a Trader fucking Joe's."

Not to mention that you are adjacent to the magnificent Trump International Hotel and Tower!

Frickus Rungus said...

You mean that "bikes are the only viable solution" until Elon Musk digs a bunch of tunnels for the cars, right? That will solve everything! Then everyone will need light bars on their trucks, so they can see where they are going on the subterranean highways.

Pierre said...

I own a car in New York (Brooklyn). It's going pretty well. I really like being able to leave on the weekends. I move it for street cleaning. It's pretty easy (you just have to pick the right time). I haven't had to threaten anyone with a tire iron. I almost stole someone's spot one day but they said "hey I was waiting here for this spot". I said sorry and found a different spot. I wish someone would do a new story on me. If parking gets a lot harder i'll pay for parking, and if I don't feel like paying for parking i'll sell the car. I really like bike lanes. Though most of the ones around where I live are just painted arrows right in the door zone. Not great.

The big news is that last night the NYPD stopped me for not having a light on the front of my bike. They let me go though. It's the only time I've ever had a cop be cool and let me go. He muttered something like "they want us out here giving tickets for this". He felt really terrible about his job that night. So did I.

Anonymous said...

How much would one estimate that it costs to live in the neighborhood in question? How much does paid parking cost?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 12:10pm,

According to Streeteasy median Upper East Side median rent is $2,400/mo and median sale price is $1.1 million. Upper West Side is $2,900/mo and $1.1 million. Dunno what garages in Manhattan cost these days. $400/mo? Just a guess.

--Wildcat Etc.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

In 1970 the doctor used to smoke while he performed my camp physical. he had ashtrays in the waiting room, but no fondue pots.

Anonymous said...

"coal-fired pickup truck parking"

It's called the Tesla Model X and it's already here.

Law and Order Manhattan Style said...

Thumper's new Acting Atty General, aka Señor Toadie Esq., says it's perfectly OK for Ben to beat anyone he wants with a crowbar provided he thinks they are an immigrant.

Anonymous said...

I guess I thought everybody that lives in Manhattan is rich, rube that I am.

dnk said...

Ah, thanks for that awesome post Mr. Snob.

Should be required reading for all NYC car owners, part of the core constitutional curriculum, and on the fondue menu in every doctor's waiting room.

Astroluc (Find me on Tumblr and Instagram @Astroluc) said...

Blargh

Spokey said...

i must say this hi-8-us thing is playing havoc with my estimates on the end of teds drooling.

Days of Our Lives Eastside said...

Last year in Ben's block there was a dead deer on the hood of a Jeep dripping blood onto the street. A guy stood next to it with a crowbar trying to convince anyone who would listen that he had killed it with the crowbar. Many people noticed "TJ" branded on the rump and realized it was from the whole carcass aisle at Trader Joe's. The guy was wearing a "Make America Great Again" hat. It was all a very surreal scene until waking up on Nov. 9th.

Spokey said...


my friggin doctor doesn't have a fondon't pot. shit. he hasn't even ponied up for a k-cup machine. cheap bastard.

Anonymous said...

Can't wait until there's a sneak quiz someday.

Bill Nye said...

It's called the Tesla Model X and it's already here.

This is a very popular comment with alt-right, which somehow assumes 100% of electricity comes from coal. All those nuclear reactors, water dams and windmills are just lawn ornaments.
For the record, only 33% of electricity in the US is from coal, but even if it were 100% coal, it would be a cleaner source than the current system where we burn massive amounts of Diesel oil to truck around gasoline, then burn that pretty much unchecked. I haven't passed a single electricity tanker on the highway yet.

Fuckface von Clownstick said...

Free parking is vanishing for White Christian Americans. Sad!

Joe Camel said...

Elementary School "Health Exam", Dr. with a lit Camel dangling from one corner of his mouth while out of the other corner he says "turn your head left and cough."

CommieCanuck said...

According to Streeteasy median Upper East Side median rent is $2,400/mo and median sale price is $1.1 million. Upper West Side is $2,900/mo and $1.1 million.

This makes Babble cry, soooo cheap compared to Toronto or Vancouver, and the apartments are so big the mice are not hunchbacked.

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

Timely Snob + Anon @ 12:10pm.

NY1 News that was on in the deli I stopped this morning had a parking space story on. Monthly parking spaces were something like $500 to $1100 per month in the expensive neighborhoods. The number of paid private parking spaces went from something like 380,000 to under 200,000. Developers getting more $$ for people vs. parking.
I wonder when "they" are going to start charging $$ to lock up at a lamp post.

vsk

Victor Kaminski said...

Read the Story First Said ...

OK, I just saw the NY1 link. OOPS !


vsk

dancesonpedals said...

We have an espresso machine in our waiting room, a courtesy computer and free wifi.

No fondu and the hospital blocks porn.

N/A said...

"No fondu and the hospital blocks porn."

I guess I won't be visiting your hospital, then. Barbarians.

N/A said...

Hmmm, now that I think about it, I guess I don't know my physician's office's stance on porn and/or fondue. I'm going to have to give them a call and sort this out.

JLRB said...

Porn and fondue are not two great tastes that taste great together.

JLRB said...

@ Bill Nye the Science Guy @ 1:40 - I once made the mistake of pointing out a windmill to my then 5th grader - he laughed at me - "It's a wind turbine - what are they milling, etc." Damn science classes.

I thought your figures were a little off since coal was closer to 50% not too long ago, but EIA confirms coal dropped down to parity with natural gas in 2015 - cheap gas from fracking is kicking the sheet out of coal - good luck to those thinking they can make it GREAT again - renewables still on the margins, but I'm not sure if this is capacity or output. From EIA:
In 2015, the United States generated about 4 trillion kilowatthours of electricity.1 About 67% of the electricity generated was from fossil fuels (coal, natural gas, and petroleum).

Major energy sources and percent share of total U.S. electricity generation in 2015:1

Coal = 33%
Natural gas = 33%
Nuclear = 20%
Hydropower = 6%
Other renewables = 7%
Biomass = 1.6%
Geothermal = 0.4%
Solar = 0.6%
Wind = 4.7%
Petroleum = 1%
Other gases = <1%

JLRB said...

Oops - reading the lead line, definitely output, not capacity.

But what the fugh does this have to do with parking, fondue or porn?

Spokey said...


no puter either, but they do have wifi. haven't tried for porn but it's so slow that they don't need to block it. even as cheapo as i am, i chew up data rather than wrestle with their crappy wifi.

Bill Nye said...

And for the first time in decades, fish was safe to eat due to lower mercury levels from less coal burning.
But, fuck that, we need to think of some hicks in West Virginia first who are limited in skills to digging holes.
More mercury, more brain damage, more Republicans.

Anon 12:53 said...

Mr Nye... thanks for calling me "Alt-Right." As somebody who has been reading this blog since the days of the Pista-dex and Bikes Gone Wild's comments, I've certainly done my time casing the joint. At any rate, you're incorrect with your facts, but enjoy your NIMBY technology if you wish.

At the smallish Bay Area school my daughter attends there are more children arriving by Tesla than by bicycle despite forgiving terrain and, by US standards, relatively decent bike infrastructure. There are exactly 3 of us who as routine ride bikes with our kids to drop-off and pick-up. Pretty depressing.

Come ride the the Bay Trail up towards the Richmond terminal. We can count the cars on the coal trains... good western coal bound largely for Mexico. We can discuss the work being done at the UC Berkeley Transportation Sustainability Research Center, studies from the National Academy of Sciences, etc...

Motor on buddy!

Melania said...

No fondu and the hospital blocks porn

Fuckink Obamacare.

Bill Nye said...


At any rate, you're incorrect with your facts

Read here while you still can.

And

This addresses this topic with real data and discussion.

or, just call it Fake News.

N/A said...

I'm betting that Fondue Porn is a thing. If it isn't, it oughtta' be.

1904 Cadardi said...

Most of the New Yorkers I know bemoaned the fact that they had to buy a car to survive out here in the wilds of spotty public transit and limited bike infrastructure.

ps. Snob, that's not a truck, that's a golf cart. Out here a truck, unfortunatel, looks like this (and yes, people commute in these stupid things).

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

There are those who insist that Frumunda cheese makes the finest fondue!

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

You haven't lived until you've been out on your bike and passed by a diesel pickup that rolls coal on you, I'm tellin' ya! Just because you deemed yourself worthy of being on the road and for no other reason, of course.

N/A said...

I live in a pretty farmy area, so there's lots of diesel stuff. The Diesel Freds that would be inclined to "roll coal" on somebody are also the type that thinks is cool to have a monster exhaust pipe going straight up through the bed of their truck**, so it's not so in-your-face if you should dare to peddle a bike on their roads.


**this type of style confirms that they don't actually need a truck, they just want to let everybody know how small their dicks are. They obviously don't know that's what exotic imported sports cars are for.

CommieCanuck said...

I'm betting that Fondue Porn is a thing. If it isn't, it oughtta' be.

it is...and I cannot unsee it.

1904 Cadardi said...

Lieutenant,

Then alas I've lived *coughcough*.

Trump 2020 said...

this type of style confirms that they don't actually need a truck, they just want to let everybody know how small their dicks are. They obviously don't know that's what exotic imported sports cars are for.

ImnotbuyinnoferrincarbuymuricanIlltellyuewat.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Yeah I might be a cyclist who dies of black lung, even though I've never mined coal and hardly smoked in my life. I never peddle any of my bikes, they have such low resale values I just keep them when I get that Fred N+1 urge for a new bike.

1904 Cadardi said...

In non diesel or parking related news, I rode my beikcycle yesterday wearing some All American Clothing Co jeans with a gusseted crotch. Not bad on the saddle at all and certainly better than regular jeans with their 72 layers of cloth all stitched together in the scranular area. Plus they're made in the US of US grown cotton if you care about that sort of thing.

Now back to your regularly scheduled fondue porn.

CommieCanuck said...

hey Lieutenant obvious,

Here's an Admiral obvious headline for you.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

CommieCanuck, I'm Oblivious, not Obvious!

Captcha asked me to identify all pickup trucks, ha ha!

N/A said...

"peddle" at me, 3:49... d'oh! Guilty. I wasn't even trying to be silly, I just goofed up.

Fredder said...

Superior umbrage taking, well done!!

Spokey said...

Trump 2020

most recently i bought a subaru. made in indiana (i think that's still in merica).

previously bought a chevy caprice. not made in merica. subie works a lot better. go mericer made?

Fred Fredriksen said...

I also once had a Caprice. Strange name for a vehicle. It's performance was capricious to say the least.
In other appropriate name news, of course the "bike Guy" is going to have a name like Steely White.

Old timer said...

A bonus BSNYC posting! Thanks, Snob!

(Took the bus here.)

Fourhourerection said...

Gosh. The Trump bashing is going full butt-hurt. Kinda boring for us folk that work around whomever the puppet of choice is. Good thing my biek has no affiliation. Enjoying the ride from sunny mid-'Merica. Go Falcons.

Spokey said...

@Fred Fredriksen

mine was much different. not capricious at all. the day i got it, it ran like shit. the day i sold it, it ran like shit. at that point chebbie had a 12 month/12k mile warranty. i took that pos to the dealer for warranty work 18 times. finally had it when one day getting in the car after lunch to go back to work, a friend got in the back sear and pulled on the handle to close the door. unfortunately the inner panel closed but the metal outer part stayed open.

Unknown said...

Citibike station 67. Cars 9. Numbers can't lie.

Anonymous said...

Mr Nye,
Let's start with your earlier supposition, that grid composition is some sort of indicator of EV sustainability. This is great for car salesman, but not great for policy and academic work. Look at renewable load for instance: How much renewable energy powers EV vehicles? The answer is zero. Renewable producers have no trouble selling 100% of their power. It's a hot commodity, even unbundled renewable credits get a premium. Unplug all the EV vehicles and how much of that renewable energy do they sell? Still 100%. It powers the computer you're using, the lights you're using, the sewing machines that made the kimonos you wear. Plug in an EV and what takes up the slack in the grid? Something that burns. Night charging compounds the problem since our renewable sources (largely solar and wind) work less well at night. So, no, grid composition is certainly not the metric to use to examine this complex issue. Try again Charlie. And read up on (while you still can) on line loss, less you think diesel burning trucks or the only leak in our energy delivery system.

If you'd like to read something outside the Musk party line, I recommend the following for starters, the literature is deep:

"From Cradle to Junkyard: Assessing the Life Cycle Greenhouse Gas Benefits of Electric Vehicles" James Archsmith, Alissa Kendall, and David Rapson Energy Institute at Haas UC Berkeley

"Hidden Costs of Energy: Unpriced Consequences of Energy Production and Use" National Research Council, particularly chapter 3 on Transportation

"ENVIRONMENTAL BENEFITS FROM DRIVING ELECTRIC VEHICLES?" National Bureau of Economic Research Stephen P. Holland Erin T. Mansur Nicholas Z. Muller Andrew J. Yates

"Life cycle air quality impacts of conventional and alternative light-duty transportation in the United States" Proceedings National Academy of Science Christopher W. Tessum a , Jason D. Hill b,1 , and Julian D. Marshall

"Regional Variability and Uncertainty of Electric Vehicle Life Cycle CO 2
Emissions across the United States" Environmental Science and Technology. Mili-Ann M. Tamayao, † Jeremy J. Michalek,* ,†,‡ Chris Hendrickson, †,§ and Inê s M. L. Azevedo

That may give you a starter primer in reality. Does it say gas powered vehicles are better? No. But it will certainly provide you with a reality hit about EV and how green a Tesla really is not. It's basically a wash.

If you want to talk diesel, I think the recent VW settlement indicates how we're fucked. Part of that settlement provides VW to pay $2+ billion for EV charging stations. How much for bike, pedestrian or land use solutions? Nothing. Thanks EPA and CARB.

Basically, close scrutiny shows that the benefits of EV over comparable gassers are marginal at best. So, would you prefer to be shot in the head with a .22 caliber or .35 caliber? Moreover, EV vehicles with their limited range are basically short range haulers. They don't compare to the gas vehicle I use to visit the grandparents 120 miles away. They compare to the bicycle I use to schlepp kids, do my work, pick-up groceries-- the 15 to 20 miles of errands I ride daily. I don't even give much of a shit about nitpicking climate change and GHG data. I'm tired of living in the fucking urban parking lot our residential and commercial streets have become. I'm tired of looking at goddam cars of any make or persuasion. That's an immediate quality of life hit. EV marketing dangles the promise that it's alright to drive. Tesla promises it's sexy. When you get run over by a Tesla Model X, it's going to hurt just as much as an F350. At least the F350 is useful for stuff I can't do by bike.

I wave a tire iron angrily in your direction (but just the 4" plastic one from my seat bag).

Anon 12:53

Cheeses Saves said...

You can't spell fondue without nude.
Amen.

Channel Surfer Dude said...

CNN is 24-7 Trump, is there anything else happening on the earth that's of note?

Anonymous said...

"They don't look like they want to bash anybody with a tire iron, do they?"

Duh, cyclists don't own tire irons. They tap people with tire levers... or skewers.

Fred E. Fenderless said...

Apology accepted for the unexpected post, which is ineffably eloquent and supremely insightful.

Anonymous said...

Considering the repercussions, NO!

Anonymous said...

More Trump Less Bike, can't wait until he announces his coal powered car initiative!! #(cro)MAGA(nons)

dancesonpedals said...

What a friend we have in Cheeses

I walk the Rhine said...

A nice short tale about Oleg Tinkov, lord of professional cyclist and very wise banker.

I walk the Rhine said...

Here it is, yuck
https://www.rt.com/business/russia-tinkoff-bank-agarkov-489/

Anonymous said...

Threatening someone with a crowbar _is_ assault, not "threatening to assault". Actually hitting someone would be battery.

JLRB said...

a crow walks into a bar ...

JLRB said...

So what is a reasonable time for a small bikecycle manufacturer to complete an order for a bike (not a custom fit job, just a bike)?

BikeSnobNYC said...

JLRB,

You provide too little information. Could be anywhere from under a week to over a year. Just ask them.

--Wildcat Etc.

Quote the Raven "Crowbar, Crowbar"" said...

Was in a Home Depot yesterday, all of the crowbars were made in China. The Donald will make Crowbar Manufacturing Great Again. Which in turn will lead to more parking spaces.

Bill Nye said...

Nice rant. but you obviously have bigger issues beyond EVs versus gas cars.
Good call on the Kimono (is my webcam on? tap..tap)

Anonymous said...

I dream of the day when we finally kill American car culture. I also dream of the day when bike-ped infrastructure and zero cell phone usage while driving are discussed during presidential debates. Seriously, why is it not FEDERAL law to ban cell phones when driving?

Also...what other licensing test do you take at 16 and never have to retake? Seriously! It's a deadly machine and we turned it over to kids and let folks use them until they die. It's INSANE. X-Ray techs need to recertify every few years!

Don T via twitter said...

Seriously, why is it not FEDERAL law to ban cell phones when driving?

Because that law makes sense, and would have got appended with laws to ban hippie clothing, improve the flavor of corn grits, ban fondue porn, and make bazookas more accessible.
Why ban cell phones in Canada's scranus when consumer flame-throwers are still legal? (great for camping)
American car culture is dying, the future is sitting in uni-buses driving us around but let's get a little real about only bike riding in parts of this continent where there is snow and cold and suckage for several months a year. We can't all be St. David Byrne.

Also, if I update my status and instagram my BFF while driving, who's going to stop me? The FBI? they have too many muslims to worry about.

Making Lamposts Great Again said...

VSK: "I wonder when "they" are going to start charging $$ to lock up at a lamp post."

Might be worth it if the fee includes an unbeatable locking system. The Donald is on it. Coin Meter and Locking System to be manufactured in America and don't you forget it.

PeterL said...

Tokyo has almost no on-street parking -- if you're stupid enough to drive a car downtown, then you can certainly pay to park it as well in an off-street private parking lot. Even in the suburbs, if your house or apartment doesn't have parking, then you park in an off-street private parking lot. Apartments don't come with "free" parking spaces either -- you pay. Even bike parking costs, although it's only something like $5/month or $1/day (often with the first two hours free). And high-end shopping areas like "Tokyo Midtown", there's lovely locked indoor bike parking.

Free-market libertarians should rejoice about this efficient allocation of resources.

(Also Tokyo has public transit that's clean, reliable, and frequent; unlike NYC or any other American city.)

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

1. I love you WCRM!
2. I am now only a cyclist when wearing spandex. but on my English cruiser on my way to work or shopping or whatever city activity I am doing, I am now a "Smugerata"
3. Scranus

1904 Cadardi said...

@Quote the Raven

Not sure if your HomeDepot carries them, but the stores around me all have Vaughan crowbars.

It's always fun to play the "Is anything in this store made in the US?" game. I once told a comely lass in the hand tool section to skip the crappy "ginah" screwdrivers and buy a Klein from the electrical department. They're good and still made in the USA-USA-USA. On reflection I should have offered to fix whatever in exchange for fondue.

N/A said...

Always offer to work for fondue. Do you? I do. It's fun, too!

JLRB said...

WCRM - You are right - my lack of details make it a silly post - I left out details because I like the company and don't want to flame them - I am just frustrated that their error has delayed my enjoyment of my new mountaineering style cycle. First world entitled elitest snowflake problems ...

N/A said...

On a more serious note, and tangentially-related to bikes and the maintenance thereof: I, too, strive to be a "buy MUSA goods", and am a tool guy. I used to be all about Craftsman, but they are fading away and I don't know how much of their tools are made in the USA anymore, if at all. Nevermind that they just aren't that good anymore.
Next line for me: Lowes and Home Despots "house brand" hand tools. I think some of their stuff is MUSA. They are all good quality, nonetheless. And they all have lifetime warranties, which is absolutely a must-have for me. Some of Lowes' handtools used to be made by Snap-On, though I cannot say if this is still the case.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

PeterL, you also can't even buy and register a car in Tokyo until you prove that you have the off-street parking space to keep it in. Imagine if middle class tire iron wielding Manhattan car owners had to deal with that! And there are beautiful multi-level bike parking facilities at every single train station in Japan, they take multi-modal to a much higher level!

BikeSnobNYC said...

PeterL,

Tokyo sound like they've got their act together BUT before disparaging the NYC subway please keep in mind it runs 24 hours a day, which I don't believe is the case with Tokyo. I'll take that over cleanliness any day.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Bob The Builder said...

My experience is the Ginese tools are often better than MUSA.

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

Ciento !

vsk

Hair Furor said...

Best post yet! You should go on hiatus more often...

What a pefect read, thank you Snobbly.

Also, CENTURY?!

Anonymous said...

Snap On? Strap On

grog said...

That would be fondon't.

Godzilla said...

Tokyo subway trains only run from 5am, which makes late-night snacking difficult.

dancesonpedals said...

And now for something completely different. A naked lady pushing a bicycle.

Maple Syrup too? said...

I wonder if CC and Babble only buy MC tools

dancesonpedals said...

An MC Hammer, perhaps?

Peter Tork said...

Zilch!
Mister Dobalena, Mister Bob Dobalena
Mister Dobalena, Mister Bob Dobalena
Mister Dobalena, Mister Bob Dobalena
Mister Dobalena, Mister Bob Dobalena
Zilch!
China Clipper calling Alameda
China Clipper calling Alameda
China Clipper calling Alameda
China Clipper calling Alameda
Zilch!
Never mind the furthermore, the plea is self defense.
Never mind the furthermore, the plea is self defense.
Never mind the furthermore, the plea is self defense.
Never mind the furthermore, the plea is self defense.
Zilch!
It is of my opinion that the people are intending.
It is of my opinion that the people are intending.
It is of my opinion that the people are intending.
It is of my opinion that the people are intending.

Anonymous said...

Gong!

Pardon my ignorance, but aren't your lax gun laws designed so people don't have to put up with tire iron wielding dummies? For the same I'm not going to punch an American nazi I'm not going to threaten somebody in their car. They are probably carrying! A man's car is his castle, so any homicide is likely justifiable. Lastly, who brings a tire iron t a gun fight anyway? A dummy!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 6:19pm,

NYC has strict gun laws.

-Wildcat Etc.

BamaPhred said...

Yes dop, can't touch that.

Dr. J & Mr. H said...

Valerie might be the kindest grandmother in the world. But I wouldn't stick any fingers in that open car window, she just might turn into a snapping turtle. Speaking of which, how is it possible for Mitch McConnell to walk upright without a spine?

Anonymous said...

Peter at 536 You could turn that into a novel. It would be a very long novel, but never the less. You'll need a pen name, Martin...

No 1 or No 2 said...

Hello, I must be going

Flyover commuter said...

It's sad that anybody wants to live nyc

Atomic Man said...

Geez, Snob, you used to lampoon smugger-than-thou asshats like Paul Steely White.

Now you've turned into one.

A little too much kool-aid at the Streetsclogger's Ball?

Spokey said...

DOP @ February 1, 2017 at 4:28 PM

comment of the high-ate-us

BikeSnobNYC said...

Atomic Man,

You seem disgruntled. Why? I like bike lanes, this is new to you?

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Frickus Rungus said...

Harrowing ride home to tonight with icy bike paths. Too slippery to ride or even to walk. Had to ride in the deech next to the bike path so as not to run myself into the deech. I'm so confused...
I thank the almighty Lob for goat head proof Schwalbe Marathon Plus tires

JLRB said...

Sorry to see that Frickus - I hate Ivey commutes especially the unpredicted type On the other hand I enjoyed a ride home admiring the lines of ice melt the county of Arlington was kind enough to apply to the
MUP - some change is good - one step forward, two into the deech

PeterL said...

Yes, it's sad that the Tokyo subway doesn't run 24 hours a day. On the other hand, it was operational the next morning after the Fukushima earthquake (I had a fun ride on the 26th floor of the Roppongi Hills building, although not as much fun as the window washers outside a nearby next building).

I blame the taxi lobby for the nightly shutdown, although it's probably for maintenance. However, the taxis are quiet pleasant to cyclists, probably because the police often ride bikes and who wants to hit a cop?

Another nice thing about Tokyo ... the puddles that one rides through probably are just rainwater. And the pedestrians get out of your way when you ring a bell: https://youtu.be/k7oGk-ozhKI?t=12

Alex the Helment Fascist said...

All opponents were swiftly eviscerated. Nice job snobby.

Stick to bikes please said...

Ah, the president. Snobby preferred the neoliberal, globalist warmonger. Do you know what neolibs/cons are Snob?

GWB redux and possible war with a nuclearsuperpower were so close (damage to be taken by Europe of course)! FFS.

Who are you calling a war mongerer? said...

Hey stick to bikes at (oddly) 411 - do you have any idea what war in the Middle East and Ghina president Bannon wants to provoke?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Stick to bikes please,

This entire post was about bike lanes and driving in NYC, two subjects with which I have considerable experience. Anyway, it's my blog, don't tell me what to write on it. Shouldn't you be tweeting these insights with an egg avatar?

--Wildcat Etc.

Roger Atkins said...


But baby! (Baby!) Remember! (Remember!)
It's my blog and I'll post what I want
It's my bike and I'll pop a wheelie if I want

CommieCanuck said...

I wonder if CC and Babble only buy MC tools

Yes, I buy my hammers where I buy my gold parachute pants.

CANT TUCH

N/A said...

It's surprisingly difficult to find a good pair of gold parachute pants anymore.

Frickus Rungus said...

Dear Tire Pressure Diary,
Today I tried running lower pressure to avoid sliding into the deech.
I started with whatever air was left over from.the last time I inflated my tires, then let out about 4-5 pfffffts worth of air, such that the tires were pleasantly compliant, without being flaccid.
I'm happy to report that this new pressure is working nicely for the current winter conditions.

Frickus Rungus said...

#whatpotusareyourunning?
Currently running at dangerously high pressure which has resulted in a bone jarring ride that is likely to result in a catastrophic blowout.

JLRB said...

I for one am boycotting the free parking square next time I play monopoly

1904 Cadardi said...

@JLRB

Only worry about it if the crowbar is on Pennsylvania RR or closer.

#whatmonopolytokenyourunnin

CommieCanuck said...

It's surprisingly difficult to find a good pair of gold parachute pants anymore.

They're all cheap ginese now and are actually skinny fit to most americans these days.

MrLobstermash said...

Snobby, if you've got enough time to respond to the commentairat, you've got time to write a blob post. Hiatus finito!

BamaPhred said...

Skinny fit parachute pants. That's a good one. I snorted. Excuse me, I'm out of Cheetos and coke. Gotta drive to the Walmarts. It's raining out.

ken e. said...

comedy cavalcade! where is my bugatti?

JLRB said...

SHIT SHOW

dancesonpedals said...

A penguin walked into a cvs to buy tampons.

Counterman: Regular or Maxi?

Penguin: I don't know...how do you tell?

Counterman: What's your flow like?

Penguin: My Floe? It's cold and icy... what does that have to do with anything*


* it would have made no sense to say, "linoleum"

N/A said...

Ooh, I've got one!

A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve food."

leroy said...

Took a Citibike from Brooklyn through Queens to Manhattan because I had errands to run before a long day with a late evening when I might not feel like riding home (it's a little chilly).

I got dropped in Greenpoint by guy in full kit before I could make joke about my clipless pedals.

Crossing 59th Street Bridge, I shifted up before standing - force of habit. Then I realized how ridiculous that was.

My Milwaukee gets me to work in half the time as a Citibike, but sometimes you just have to putter. And I'm not leaving the Milwaukee on the street.

leroy said...

Oh ... and ride safe all!

(Some force of habit. My dog had to remind me I post the above exhortation on Fridays in the comments. But he's not as smart as he thinks. He gave me Green Bay and 20 points for this weekend's game.)


Captain Spaulding said...

"They're all cheap ginese now and are actually skinny fit to most americans these days."

Can't they re-calibrate their manufacturing to Buffalo sized American waistlines? No offense to Buffalo NY, whose Scrantus almost touches Canada's Erectus (see map). How did Buffalo NY get it's name when all of the Buffalo roamed around out in all of those red states? Super Bowl Sunday, Cheetos consumption goes off the charts.

Chazu said...

Shinzo Abe

SHINZO ABE

SHIN ZOABE

The Japanese Prime Minister is proposing to partner with the US to build modern rail infrastructure* here. Is it too much to hope for?

*If it happens, they'll probably let bikes on the trains, or at least provide bike parking at the train stations. Just keeping it bike-related.

dnk said...

@leroy -- I got dropped by a guy on a Citibike this morning on the Q-boro Bridge. Mighta been you.

pedantic twat said...

Shouldn't that really be, "Bison, NY"

Lt. Chico said...

Hello Captain Spaulding, aren't you going off until Monday?

Way to Much to Hope For said...

"The Japanese Prime Minister is proposing to partner with the US to build modern rail infrastructure* here. Is it too much to hope for?"

Good luck with that when we're about to rebuild the Eisenhower Interstate Highway System in order to put every single laid off factory worker back on a payroll. You'll drive by a work site and 99 guys, wearing "Make America Great Hats", will be standing around with coffee cups while one guy digs with a shovel by hand (American made shovel that is).

Agent Orange said...

Remember in the 30's, when all those great projects were built with government backing, dams, highways, buildings, etc...? THAT was when America started to get great. Now a real world leader has stepped up to the plate, and great things will start to happen again.

Big Daddy Warbucks said...

Fiduciary Responsibility, don't even need no stupid stinkin Fiduciary Responsibility. What on the face of Lob's Planet does that mean anyway? Let's make Wall Street Scams Great Again (pay a fine, do not go to jail, move on, move on, nothing to see here).

JLRB said...

This and $1.50 will get you have a latte ...
In the 30's the gov't backed the projects - they've created jobs and some of them create fossil-fuel-less hydropower - the gov't gets paid back the investment on those from power and water sales.

BUT gov't involvement in anything is evil to a sector of the population (some of which relies on gov't subsidies, etc.) - they would not want the gov't to use its cheap credit and lack of profit mark-up to create those jobs - that's socialism stuff. Bannon's puppet wants to create those jobs with profit-making companies taking over the projects and charging us to use the highways, bridges etc. at jacked up toll rates.

Baaaaa - let the fleecing commence!

bad boy of the north said...

Hey,snob.question.jlrb brought up fleecing.do you have or will you have a "Golden fleece award" version of senator william proxmire's?

dancesonpedals said...

JLRB-

If those businessmen truly believed in the market and free competition, they wouldn't complain about go to involvement in housing, health insurance, communications (public wifi)

If they couldn't compete with the govt, they'd get out of the business

a Rothschild said...

Governments lost their power with the NYC bailout of 1975. Since then governments--Federal, State, or Local--serve the banks and not the citizens. Sorry. Oh, the bank bailout of 2008 you say...that's right. It could not Not happen because banks. The alternative is anarchy. Forget socialism because human nature. Bikes are a nice diversion.

babble on said...

Heh, pleasantly compliant without being flacid. You nailed it! A magic wand should always be hard as fuck and pleasantly compliant, and yes, definitely not flaccid. Not. Ever. Flaccid. Anything less also makes Babble cry....

Oh, you mean bikes??! I used to ride with the tires at 115 lb front and 117 lb in the back, even though it is harder to absorb the jitters with your wrists and elbows that way. Because fast. But then I started riding with a club, and training with guys who actually raced pro, and won titles, and everything, and after months of trial and error discoverd that the old myth that a harder tire goes faster is exactly that: a myth. Y'know, like Zeus, and Paul Bunyon, and Mary the Virgin mother, n'all that. Now I ride hard n'fast on a max of 100 front, 98 back, and a min of 82 front, 80 back. And the lower the pressure, the easier it is to go faster. 'Cept when it's too low and you have to stop for another goddamn flat.

And what bugs me most about real estate in Vancouver in particular, is that it bears no relation to salaries and wages. That's the reason we're so incredibly unlivable. My eldest son took a science degree first cause he wanted to earn the letters MD after his name, till he did some research and discovered that doctors and lawyers can't afford to live here, either. THAT's why he just signed on as a software developer with Facebook. They hire kids fresh of uni at $200,000-$300,000/yr. Because, you know, only professional athletes and social media programmers are worthy of living wages these days.

And felonious fraudsters cum presidents.

Frickus Rungus said...

Mickey Mouse goes to a lawyer and asks for a divorce from his wife Minnie. The lawyer says: "you can't divorce your wife just because she's kinda wierd". Mickey says: "I didn't say she was wierd, I said she was fucking Goofy!"

Frickus Rungus said...

Sorry, that should have read: Mickey Mouse rides his bike to the lawyer's...
Got to keep on topic.

The Wheel in the Sky Keeps on Turning said...

Ms. Babble, the President of the United States of Swamp Bottom Dwellers is not a Cum President, he's a Piss President. I used to live in New York where a pol a month is convicted (or it seems like it). Leaders of the Senate, no problem, guilty, leaders of the Assembly, no problem, guilty. There was GOP Leader Sen. Joe Bruno who had his conviction overturned by a conservative SCOTUS 5-4 or his old rich ass would have actually sat in a cell instead of just paying a fine.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

@The Wheel in the Sky Keeps on Turning-I'm still waiting for the FBI/Justice Dept to finish their probe of Gov. Andrew we don't need the Moreland Commission anymore Cuomo, the only one of the 3 guys in the closed room who used to set the NY state budget that has not yet been convicted of something. He dropped his high school buddy Percocco like a hot load when he was charged.

True That said...

The Moreland Comish started sniffing around the wealthy NYC Real Estate Developers that fund Cuomo Inc., a big no no.

Spokey said...


at last piece & quite. guess all the trump berserkers are watching to make sure those foozeballers are wearing their helments.

babble on said...

BAAAHAHahahahahahaaa! Why didn't you guys tell me about it?? A girl doesn't like to hear about these sorts of things from just anyone, y'know. Heh... so how many bros d'you know who do SCROTOX?? Heh heh heh. Scrotox. Ferfucksake. :D

Um, and I'm pretty sure that whole absolutepowercorruptsabsolutely thing is an actual law of physics. There's plenty of proof that wealth corrupts the psyche, so that the wealthy quickly become quite entitled, exhibiting many of the signs of narcissism, and you all know that a steel cage and four wheels turn a normal person into a murderous jerk, so it's not much of a stretch to believe that politicians are quickly bent into felons.

dancesonpedals said...

Those spicy wings burn you twice

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

It's Monday morning after the Hiatus. Where is the new blog from this so-called semi-professional bike blogger already?

BamaPhred said...

Yes dop, so does a dish called Nashville Hot Chicken, or has that craze come and gone from NYC?

Wall Street said...

Wasn't the Snobville Gazette going to start publishing again today after having restructured it's debt and finding a new round of investment cash?

babble on said...

Leroy? You don't have to poke along just cause you're riding a heavy-as-fuck- upright bike! That only really works against you when you're climbing. I've scored a few of those little strava crown thingies on the Eleadtra, and chicked a fair few mamils who've confidently pulled up beside me at a light and looked down their noses at me in their mistaken belief that a stiletto wearing girl on a city bike can't possibly move faster than they can. Heh heh. :)

Anonymous said...

Monday and it's the same thing as Tuesday last. Does Bill Murray write this blog?

dop said...

Bama-

Super Bowl Sunday, the only day I eat wings. My host was from Savannah*, and he soaked the wings in tobasco for 2 days. The main coarse was slow cooked ribs, also a multi-day project, also spectacular.

I'm paying for it by enduring little reminders.


*Rooting for Atlanta

dop said...

Babble, they're not looking down their noses at the electra. They're looking down your dress.

James said...

What a perfect read, thank you.