Today's post will be short but sweet, or at least short.

First of all, I'm sorry to report I performed dismally on the New York Times's "Do you speak Australian?" quiz:

In my defense, not only were there no helmet-related questions, but also every single phrase sounded like either a sex act or a slang term for the genitals:

I mean come on.

Secondly, meet Shoka:

Shoka is not an Australian slang term for the genitals.  Soka is of course the world's first handlebar-mounted smart cheese grater:

Or maybe it's a bell, I can't be sure.

Either way, like every other "smart" device for bicycles (smart helmets, smart locks, smart lights, etc., yada yada, and so forth), it has lots of functions in addition to the one (1) you actually need it to perform.  Furthermore, in addition to all of these auxiliary features being highly unnecessary, it's extremely unlikely that any of them will actually work:

(Disclaimer: I may have added some of these features.)

Indeed, even the bell function doesn't work, because instead of emitting the pleasant metallic chime recognizable the world over as the sound of an oncoming cyclist, it instead makes your bicycle sound like R2-D2 for some reason:

These aren't the Freds you're looking for.

Anyway, I have no doubt this ingeniously ambiguous gizmo is going to make its inventor, about whose name there is nothing even remotely funny or suggestive, so you shouldn't laugh at it, an extremely rich man:

By the way, check out Daniel Falus's huge lock:

Hey, it's a really big lock, that's all I'm saying.

Lastly, further to yesterday's post, the San Diego PD clearly knows a good social media opportunity when they see one:

This is not okay. Plan ahead and leave early for the next @Chargers game. #stayclassysandiego https://t.co/oxVyM9vROq

— San Diego Police (@SanDiegoPD) August 21, 2016

And for one glorious yet fleeting moment, Heath Evans's Wikipedia entry was delightfully accurate:

@bikesnobnyc pic.twitter.com/jY8HKVMiGq

— Bisso (@ianbisson) August 22, 2016

Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.