No time for titles, let's go, go, go!

Good morning!  It's Monday?  Aren't you excited?

Today's bike maintenance tip comes from pro cyclist Chris Horner, who shows you how to fix a dropped chain:



I'm not sure why he's so angry.  After all, nobody told him to keep racing professionally after winning the Vuelta a España at 41 years old, which isn't suspicious at all.  Actually, I'm pretty sure everybody told him not to continue racing, which is why it took him so long to find a team.

Anyway, after throwing the bike, he also kicks his water bottle with the force of at least two (2) Diminutive Frenchman Units (DFUs):

It's a bit of an awkward display, though I suppose he deserves credit for doing it in road shoes without losing traction and falling over backwards.

Meanwhile, in other tech news, watch this video and tell me that this isn't the most ridiculous tire system you've ever seen:

Or, don't watch the video and just read the review instead:

Expensive?

Fiddly???

One hundred and fifty-seven of your Great British pounds, which is well over two hundred American Fun Tickets?!?

(They just don't put thought into graphic design the way they used to anymore.)

So is that per wheel or what?  Oh, never mind, who cares?  I'll take three, thankyouverymuch!  (That's one for each wheel and then an extra for my all-terrain unicycle.)

Anyway, if you've ever longed to mount a tire, and then mount another tire on that same wheel, and then have to inflate each tire separately with a "dual-position valve" then this is the system for you:

The idea behind Schwalbe’s Procore system is simple – use a small volume, high pressure inner ‘tyre’ to protect the rim from the inside and lock the edges of any 2.3in or larger tubeless-ready tyre in place so it can’t burp air or burst against the rim and provides a more stable ride feel too.

The price is huge for what’s essentially a tubeless kit with a couple of unique dual-position-valve inner tubes and inelastic Procore liner ‘tyres’, but as long as your rims are more than 23mm wide internally and you follow the instructions exactly, setup is simple.

If you think about it, this is the natural evolution in the #whatpressureyourunning arms race.  Now, when someone asks you The Question, you can reply even more smugly by asking, "What do you mean?  In my outer tire, or in my Schwalbe Procore inner?"

For best results, raise and lower your dropper post as you regard them condescendingly.

Plus, with two (2) tires per wheel, you can now spend the bulk of your riding season dialing the goddamn things in:

The next bit is more tricky, because the system is incredibly sensitive to pressure changes. Just 5psi can separate a tyre that feels normal in terms of roll, grip and cornering shape from one with a flaccid, mushy footprint that gives amazing grip and rollover in rock or root-infested sections but stumbles in corners and fumbles lines.

To complicate matters further, the super-narrow pressure sweet spot can be anywhere from 10 to 25psi, depending on your riding tastes/style, rim width, the volume and carcass character of your tyres and how much pressure you run in the Procore inner (50 to 80psi is recommended, but check your rim’s pressure limit, particularly on carbon hoops).

Amazing.  You should have it all figured out by winter, at which point you'll have to move the whole shebang over to your stupid fat bike.

Of course, it's tempting to think that as cyclists we're the biggest weenies alive, but it turns out equipment tech is killing the spirit of curling as well:

As Gushue tells NPR, the new brooms scratch the ice, giving some sweepers the ability to alter the direction of the rock unlike ever before. "And really it's just allowed top players too much control to the point where it was actually difficult to miss some shots on line," he says.

Players got upset about the new form the game was taking. "You really shouldn't be able to steer a rock down the sheet. That's not curling," Emma Miskew, an Olympic medal winner and Canadian women's title winner, told the Ottawa Citizen.

Wow.  Naively I'd just assumed that curling was the last bastion of sporting integrity.  Now it turns out they're just one step away from mechanical doping, which I assume would involve someone in the stands surreptitiously manipulating the stone with a remote control.

Also, it sounds like curling has its fair share of Broom Freds:

So curlers and manufacturers gathered in Kemptville, Ontario last week to try to find solutions — with science. At the World Curling Federation Sweeping Summit, athletes and researchers tested more than 50 different types of brooms and sweeping methods. Researchers even used robots as a way to launch stones in a measurable way, and GPS technology to "map rocks," Gushue says. The National Research Council of Canada supervised the testing, according to the WCF.

Obviously lots of regular Freds buy expensive race bikes and use them only for charity rides and piddling along on the bike path.  I wonder if it's the same with Broom Freds, and if some of them buy top-of-the-line curling brooms and then use them to sweep their front porches.

Let's just hope Chris Horner doesn't take up curling, since the last thing we need is him out there on the ice chucking brooms.

Lastly, from Australia, here is the magpie helmet defense system you've been waiting for:


Australia: if the magpies don't get you, the ninjas will: